#bisexual erasure

[queerlyvictorian]

I reblogged about this on another person's post, but it's too important to me to not have my own post about it.

I'm hearing that some people might be coming for Crystal Palace of Dead Boy Detectives for "getting in the way" of Charles x Edwin, i.e. Payneland.

Let's be clear. I adore angsty friends to lovers as much the next hopelessly romantic queer (sort of) guy. But what we're not going to do is become yet another fandom that denigrates a female character because we see her as an obstacle to a mlm ship. It honestly kind of triggers me, and it can never not feel at least a little biphobic to me. I am sure that is not the intention of the vast majority of people with this take, but that's just what my past experience in the numerous fandoms that have done this makes me jump to first.

I want us to think about this. If Charles is currently or eventually in love with Edwin back, he will be confired bisexual, or some other non-monosexual identity, or just fucking queer and vibing. And that means his attraction and feelings for Crystal, and their ship, should be respected as a part of his story and the story of the show. Let a girl live. Don't erase Charles's attraction to women, and leave space for non-monosexual identities. Let's all be mature queers about this, and breaking the fucking cycle.

We're not about to tear a bestie down just so our male leads can kiss. We're better than that. I hope we can be better than that.

[scrambleseggy]

I don’t think people realize that erasure within certain groups in queer communities directly affects peoples perceptions of the violence and abuse those people can face and why. Hypervisibility and invisibility are both two sides of the same coin. Neither is better or worse than the other, because while hypervisibility can glorify the violence a group faces and grossly sexualizes it, invisibility aims to turn the camera away from another group so that they don’t get any ideas that people like them exist in the first place — let alone face harm for their presentation and identity.

Erasure isn’t just “feeling invisible” — it’s also the general media and population purposefully trying to undermine issues certain groups can face and ignore them so those groups feel like they have no outlets or support — whether it’s from society or their own communities. It’s often because they want to avoid the idea of the very existence of those groups as well.

I don’t really think people know what erasure truly is. And I think when people try to act like “it’s not that bad” they don’t even realize how that does more harm than good and feeds right into it.

[drchucktingle]

who is sweet barbara????

chucks wife

wildest thing about sweet barbara is that i have talked about her ON AND ON AND ON since my first online post all the way up until this very day (nearly a decade) but nobody seems to notice her because i am queer (she even appears in tinglers and is on the cover of EXPEDITION TO THE FROZEN LAKE)

it is almost as though when you are bisexual your hetero presenting partners become a ghost

in the early days all i would hear online when i would talk about her is: 'chuck is playing a character of a CONFUSED GAY MAN' instead of the VERY OBVIOUS OTHER CONCLUSION that bisexuals exist. imagine that

to be clear that is not at all what this kind asker is doing. this ask is wonderful thank you for your question YOU PROVE LOVE

JUST SAYING i have always found the larger reaction to sweet barbara very interesting and an amazing little social experiment in bisexual erasure

also reason i do not wear a ring is because 1 this tradition kind of makes me feel weird it is okay that others like it but there is a feeling about it that is personally not for me and 2 in a very LITERAL way i cannot wear any jewelry because of my autism i just cannot wear rings without getting riled up and having a dang breakdown

[ladyorlandodream]

I am going to use this gif so much, you have no idea.

[bisexual-coala]

I'm so sick of people erasing Korrasami's bisexuality. The comments on this are so infuriating

[tippenfunkaport]

"She-Ra is bad bisexual rep because all the bi/pan characters end up in m/f relationships!"

Not true! Perfuma is bi/pan and she ends up with Scorpia!

"Oh, well I like to headcanon Perfuma as a lesbian."

...so then you understand that's not the show's fault, right? That that's just a problem you made up in your head?

-

Excuse me a second, I need to scream about this...

Because this has come up over and over (esp on Twitter and TikTok) with people who want to claim that every bi/pan SPOP character ends up in a m/f relationship... by conveniently pretending Perfuma is not canonically bi/pan herself. And every time they are asked to elaborate why they are ignoring her canon status, they give the same answer: that they consider Perfuma a lesbian because now that she's with a woman, she's "not bi anymore"

And... yeah... you know that's not how it works, right? That being bi/pan is not just a phase you get over? That a bi/pan woman dating another woman doesn't suddenly make her a lesbian any more than it makes a bi/pan person dating someone of the opposite gender magically straight?

The person you are currently dating does not change your bi/pan status. Ever. And insisting it does, especially just so you can score some points by making up an issue about a show to be mad about, is super GD harm harmful to the real bi/pan people in your life.

(This is the exact same thing The Owl House fandom does with Lumity and why Dana had to make Luz present a whole slideshow in the cartoon reminding everyone she is still very much bi even though Amity is a lesbian. TOH fans kept insisting because Luz is dating Amity now, she's a lesbian. Nope. Her and Amity can be married for a billion years and that wouldn't change Luz's orientation.)

"But I heard that someone's roommate's cousin who worked with someone on the show once liked a fanart that showed Scorfuma with the lesbian flag so it's basically canon!"

First of all, the legend of this grows daily and I think it's really telling that this archival obsessed fandom only talks about this mythical like and yet has never been able to produce a single screenshot of it.

But for the sake of argument, let's say that this really happened and actually exists, that someone related to the show, however distantly, liked fanart once that implied Perfuma was a lesbian somehow. That still doesn't make it canon. People related to the show and even ND himself have liked and reblogged all sorts of stuff that isn't canon, including g/a, and have been very clear that the only canon is what happens within the show itself.

And, in the show, Perfuma is canonically bi/pan. We see her crushing on Bow, She-Ra, Huntara and Scorpia. The fact that people want to pretend the Bow thing never happened when he's the only character we see her actually date over the run of the show AND it's a major Season 1 plot point is wild to me and just shows the lengths people will go for bi/pan erasure.

And I get that some people enjoy using Perfuma to tell a story about comphet or coming out as a lesbian later in life and I am fully in favor of doing your thing with your headcanons in fanworks. But when it reaches the point it has now where fans are attacking other fans for saying Perfuma is bi/pan or attacking the show for not having any bi/pan character in same sex relationships when Perfuma is CANONICALLY bi/pan is ridiculous. 

Keep in mind that your headcanon is literally just something you made up in your head. It's pretend. Fun, yes, but NOT something you can use as justification to attack people over!

Especially when it's something like this that causes real world harm by perpetuating harmful stereotypes about bi/pan people being "just a phase" or a temporary state that changes based on who you date.

[ringo-ichigo]

I called out someone who insisted that no LGBT+ person would ever yell at a bi woman for getting married to a man and celebrating that at a Pride event because "the gays do not do the biphobia." I refuted this by pointing out that I, a bi woman, have experienced more biphobia from fellow LGBT+ people than from straight people. Biphobia absolutely exists within the community and I stated that by denying its existence, the rest of the community perpetuates the biphobia. Their response? Report the comment.

You may say you're not biphobic, but when you do this, you're only proving my point that you actually are. Because within this same period of time, I spoke to a straight person on this who instead of getting mad at the messenger about this, got angry and sad that this happens and instead chose to be a better voice for bi+ people when they could. And asked how to do that. This right here is why the bi+ community won't stop telling the larger LGT community that biphobia isn't a straights vs us issue. It's a gay on gay issue too.

[hisbucky]

Buck: Bisexual erasure is horrible.

Hen, at the back: Preach your truth!

Buck: I mean, look at me. Just because I date girls, it doesn't mean I no longer find Eddie hot.

Eddie, spitting his drink: WHAT.

Buck: What?

Ravi, whispering: I knew it.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Okay I've settled on my head canon which is that Eddie is bi (or some version of "likes women and men"), too... I need to ramble about it because this popular idea that Eddie is gay just bothers me tbh it just feels ignorant, bi erasurery. And sure, maybe I'll be proven wrong, but in the mean time...

I think the reason why Eddie just can't be happy with the women he's pushing himself to date is because he's only really ever been drawn, and loved, two people: Shannon and Buck.

And these women he's since dated... are neither of those people. So the other relationships are just... fake, unhappy. Not because of sexual incompatibility, but because they're loveless, on Eddie's part.

The romance with Shannon started as a teen-age romance. They were childhood friends and lovers, but they were too young and immature to really handle the stress of parenthood, and despite that, pushed into a marriage.

It was too much for this young, immature, love to survive. Them freaking out and not being a team.... That just started to hack away at their mutual trust, and that eventually killed the romance, and the marriage. This immature love just could not handle all this pressure, and co-exist with that dying trust.

And then, Eddie meets Buck when his and Shannon's marriage is on a break. She's runs, is away for a long time, Eddie is raising Chris alone... And Buck steps in.

And Buck is insanely helpful, a major stress relief -letting Bobby know that Eddie is struggling to find a caretaker for Chris. Researching for ways to help Eddie... He finds Carla to help them. Buck takes one look at Christopher and melts, wants to spend time with them... Eddie thinks "Woah. This guy is amazing. This is someone I can count on, who has my back."

So Eddie just moved on from Shannon. He did love her once... but then they killed their love and marriage, together. Mutual destruction.

Eddie didn't trust her anymore, she didn't trust him after he'd enlisted in a panic to run from the parenthood, from Christopher's diagnosis... they were fighting all the time... and then she just left him alone with Chris.

And I refuse to demonize her for leaving btw, she was young, under a lot of stress, and Eddie was running from his parenthood. Eddie needed that push, to take responsibility, and connect with Chris!!

But still.. She left, Eddie was hurt and alone, and really doesn't trust her anymore, and then he meets Buck.

So Eddie moves on. His and Shannon's romantic love just... dies. And when she finally tries to re-connect. Yes, he still finds her desirable, and the human bond is still an important one. But where's the love?

They've known each other since they were children, they're friends, Shannon is Christopher's mother. But Eddie no longer really loves her like he once did. He tries. He forgives her, for everything, and really tries to mend their marriage, even proposes again after finding out she may be pregnant...

But it's just too late for both of them, they don't really work as a couple, and she realises she is tired of this battle, she is done.

Shannon leaving.... this made Eddie move on from her, even though he tried to deny it, even to himself. By leaving, Shannon gave the final killing blow to their already fractured mutual trust. Then she was gone for a long time, and when she finally came back, Eddie had already moved on, connected with someone else. She even says this - I was away for too long.

She realises that their marriage dead. She is shocked when Eddie keeps pushing her away from Chris, realises their mutual lack of trust. And she finally admits to herself that she doesn't really want to get back together with Eddie.

Eddie is dragging his feet, not really accepting her back, keeps looking for a "sign" that would say they should have another serious go as partners. Only proposes after there's another pregnancy scare.

Shannon thinks, this marriage is too broken, I want out. We both deserve something better than this. So it is a story of falling in love, and falling out of love.

And then she dies, and Eddie grieves, deeply. He did love Shannon, even though their marriage was a failure. He'd loved her in so many ways. She was his friend, she was his wife, she was Christopher's mother.

However, I do feel like the reason why he struggles to date after Shannon's death is a combination of grief - being afraid to try again with anyone... and it's denial of his feelings for Buck, and also fear that what if... This happens again, what if he loves and they leave. I think the key problem here really is Buck.

Eddie has already fallen for someone, and tries to deny it, ignore it. He thinks this is a road that would take him nowhere, so why try. He thinks Buck is straight!

So he starts pushing Buck away because this odd family unit they have...? Where is it going really, he thinks, Buck doesn't want him.

This line, said to Buck:

"Somehow we became a ready-made family and I... I don't know if I'm ready for that."

It's grief for Shannon, and it's unrequited love for Buck, and it's about being unable to love Ana because of those both massive things stopping Eddie from being able to connect with her.

Remember.... that Buck starts the thing with Taylor before Eddie starts dating Ana?

Eddie, looking like a zombie, hosting Buck and Taylor, telling Buck that he needs to move on, Eddie has. (Yeah it's a lie.)

And remember all these talks about Eddie needing to move on, before he goes on dates?

This is Eddie, trying to move on, and find his third family unit.

The scene with Eddie and Buck when they've just met, Buck bragging that "some of us don't need good lighting to look good..."

And then Eddie at the fire station, looking at Buck, forgetting to introduce Ana to everyone, realising his mistake and saying to Ana;

"Oh, you've never been here!"...

Because she wasn't, Buck's presence just erases her from Eddie's mind, it's like she isn't even in the same room.

It's true, Eddie realises. Buck really doesn't need good lighting to look good, not to Eddie.

"Even in the dark, this place is amazing."

It's terrible, but disturbingly true for Eddie. This feeling, of existing in the darkness, alone, and watching someone who just doesn't need good lighting to look amazing. They just glow anyway, overwhelmingly, they just erase everyone else from your mind.

I feel like this symbolizes deep, unrequited love really well. Even in the dark this place is amazing.

So Eddie keeps struggling. He won't let Buck close because that's killing him, but he also can't let go of him. He's just ...always dying.

And then Buck comes out to him? It's a shock. It's a brief moment of dumb, wide-eyed hope.

But then Eddie immediately realizes... This changes nothing. Buck is dating someone else. Buck is falling for someone else. Buck is still... Just a friend.

Nothing has changed for Buck, and therefore not for Eddie either. Eddie is still alone in this. And keeps dying.

So... The point I'm trying to make here.

I feel like this struggle we're seeing, it's not about Eddie being gay. He fell for Shannon, they agreed the sex was never the problem.

Even this new relationship with Marisol. He does feel sexual desire for her... Their sex life is great... Until he learns that she was almost a nun? Imagine being in the closet, bi, and realising your girlfriend was almost a nun?

It's truly "eyes on the ground". Would she still want her, if she really knew who, or what, Eddie is? Would she be disgusted if she learned about all of Eddie's fantasies?

How can Eddie trust her?

So... That's what making him run from Marisol. I do think he's making a genuine effort to move on from his old flames - Shannon and Buck.

I mean... Remember Eddie's talk with his tia? Learning that she had been married before, and refusing to even try dating someone else, until her friends dragged her out?

And ultimately this made her move on, meeting someone else. And soon she didn't regret trying again.

So Eddie is trying to move on from Shannon, and Buck.

But can he? Is he?

One thing about Buck's coming out, and the following scene, the talk with Eddie...

Noticed the buddie subtext, and the bisexual subtext of the lines when he talks about Marisol there? About needing to go home.

The "menu" is not the issue. The issue is that he doesn't want to go home, to Marisol. (Lol, there's btw that bicycle again, hanging on the wall behind Eddie's back. Bi subtext!!)

Eddie does desire her. ... He just doesn't love her. And that keeps happening... Because his heart is already taken.

[shuppyshup]

Another thing i’ve noticed is that whenever a character is bisexual (specifically multimedia characters) people are always like “they’re only bisexual in this (insert media here)! In this other media we can call them whatever we want!”

Meanwhile when it comes to gay/lesbian characters it’s always “they’re gay/lesbian in ALL media!”

Bisexual characters never get the same treatment because they’re bisexual and people hate that about them. Yet we’re not supposed to get mad at the constant double standards and blatant biphobia? It’s bullshit.

[drchucktingle]

Selena is having a weird day. It starts off simple enough, with a few household items disappearing mysteriously, but things quickly turn heartbreaking when Selena’s office excludes her from a queer teambuilding workshop. According to Selena’s new boss, her current hetero-presenting relationship invalidates her bisexuality.

Now Selena is on a mission to shake up the system and prove her new boss wrong, but as things continue to disappear around her, she realizes there’s more going than meets the eye. It’s quickly revealed that the physical manifestation of bi erasure is on Selena’s trail, and this ignorant living concept will stop at nothing to deny Selena’s queerness.

Fortunately, Selena is surrounded by a loving, supportive community who accept her exactly as she is, and they’re ready to put up a fight!

This important tale is 4,200 words of sexless bisexual validation because your queerness is not predicated by ignorant gatekeeping from a giant pink eraser.

----

please enjoy new no sex tingler NOT POUNDED BY BI ERASURE BECAUSE MY CURRENT HETERO-PRESENTING RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT INVALIDATE MY QUEERNESS out now on amazon or true buckaroo tier patreon

[borderlandsresearcher]

I have some things to say...

CW: Rant, bisexual erasure

Mileena x Kenshi shippers are so problematic. No one disagrees that Mileena is bisexual. We all know she is, it's canon. But the issue is that NOBODY in this fandom seems to give a shit about the obvious wlw relationship between Tanya and Mileena in MK1.

People have never had an issue with others shipping Baraka and Rain with Mileena, because Taleena was never fully confirmed. But now that it is, people are finding any excuse to ship Mileena with a man. These people prefer to ship her with people she has zero chemistry with than with a woman. They are pulling ships out of their asses at this point.

Your first reaction to a wlw ship like Taleena should NOT be "this is bisexual erasure" because the writers didn't force a relationship between characters who don't know shit about each other. I can't make a post about Taleena without someone going "ERRRMM she's bisexual FYI 🤓" , as if being with a woman doesn't make her bisexual??? Is she only bisexual if she's with a man because that's what makes you comfortable??? Because that sounds like bi erasure to me...

What's even grosser, is that these are the same people to fetishise Johnny x Kenshi without batting an eye, but SEETHE at the thought of two women being together. It's not at all surprising that a lot of these people are straight women.

Mileena x Kenshi has absolutely taken over this fandom, and it is so fucking heartbreaking to see. Ship whoever you want, I don't care. But clearly something is going on here and it breaks my heart. Acknowledge that Mileena is bisexual, but also celebrate that we FINALLY got a somewhat decent wlw relationship in the media for once. It's already so hard to find this representation, so please do not take it from us!!!!!!

+there's a billion other characters you can be shipping. That's why this ship feels targeted, because it is so specific and strange....

- Yours truly, a fellow queer

[bisexual-coala]

Hate it when this happens

[tippenfunkaport]

"[Canon Bisexual Character] should have been [gay / lesbian] so they ended up with [Same Sex Character]!"

Wow. That's so interesting! Because there is literally no reason you can't ship that bisexual character with the same sex character as is. No one on earth is stopping you. Bisexual people are attracted to the same sex. You can ship away without changing a single thing about them!

But you keep insisting they should have been lesbian or gay so they could date the same sex and... gosh. It almost seems like... you just hate that they are bisexual!

Huh. Fascinating.

[trash-and-trash-accessories]

I know so many bisexual men who have told me they are bisexual but publicly identify as gay because bisexuality is so stigmatized in the queer and especially mlm community they feel they will lose friends and support if they publicly identify that way. Still. In 2024.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Bisexual erasure. “When bisexuality is ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities. Often, the entire sexual orientation is branded as invalid, immoral, or irrelevant.”

what does it Look like?

- Assuming that two women together are lesbians, two men together are gay, or a man and a woman together are straight

- In most scientific studies, bisexuality is lumped in under “gay” or “lesbian” identities

- Many LGBTQ+ organizations don’t offer programming for bisexuals

- Questioning someone’s bisexuality if they haven’t had sex with both men and women.

what does it sound like?

- “I’m not interested in dating you because you’ve only dated men.” (Implying that I’m actually straight)

- “Bi women are more likely to leave you for a straight relationship.”

- “He’s only ever dated men, so he’s obviously gay.”

- “There’s no point in coming out as Bi if you never plan to leave your current relationship. You just want attention.”

what are the consequences?

- Bi erasure leads to bi phobia (discrimination, anger, blame, and hypersexualization).

- Bi people have *significantly* higher health risks than any other sexual identity group, including alarmingly high rates of depression and suicide.

- Bi women experience much higher rates of domestic violence.

- In the ‘80s and ‘90s bi people were blamed for spreading HIV. and we are still blamed for the spread of other STI’s.

what can I do?

- If you want to help, here’s what you can do:

- Check your own biases When someone says something shitty about bisexuality, correct them—even if a bisexual person isn’t present

- Ask your local LGBTQ+ orgs to offer bi/Pan programs

- Donate time or money to bi-specific organizations.

- Resources: Bisexual Resource Center (BiResource.org) Bi Plus Organizing US (@BiPlusOrgUS) Bi Pride UK (BiPrideUK.org) BiPhoria! (biphoria.org.uk) American Institute of Bisexuality (bisexuality.org) “Greedy: Notes from a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much” by Jen Winston “Look Both Ways: Bisexual Politics” by Jennifer Baumgardner “Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body” by Roxane Gay