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Multo

jinx/powder x reader — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

summary: multo [mul · to]　spirits that are said to be entities taking the shape of a person but are instead the memories, the missed opportunities, and the wrong decisions that we cannot escape. | you dreamt of the same future, side by side, always together, but things didn't work out like they were supposed to. (requested by anon) warnings/themes: fluff (???) & angst, hurt no comfort, ex lovers, break up, toxic relationship words: 5.0k notes: if you’re filo, there are some references here (esp from paubaya mv and how’s of us) hope yall enjoy reading this and hopefully it doesn’t trigger anyone ;)

“Do you take Powder for your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part?”

“I do.”

—

Sevika parks the truck in the church's parking lot and shuts the engine off. Her gaze then drifts towards the double doors. There's a small crowd gathering, getting ready for the wedding.

She sighs, then turns her head to give you a sharp look. “Don't do anything funny-”

“I know,” you dismiss her, unbuckling your seatbelt. “I'm over it, Sev.”

“Remember, you're here as a guest. Keep your head straight. You hear me?”

“I'm not going to cause trouble,” you reassure Sevika and open the door, hopping out of the truck. “I just want to see her one last time.”

Twelve years ago, you dreamed of this day. The day when Powder would walk down the aisle, wearing white, and you would be waiting at the end. You dreamed of the sound of the wedding march and her taking your hand, and you both saying your vows, spending the rest of your lives together.

Twelve years later, you'll have to bury those dreams. Because once she was done walking down the aisle, she'd be someone else's wife.

—

10 YEARS AGO

“You're gonna be a doctor someday, and I'm gonna be an engineer.”

You're lying down on the couch, your arms wrapped around her shoulder as she rests her head on your chest. She traces her index finger lazily on your stomach.

“We're gonna be rich and super smart.” Powder smiles and moves so she can face you, propping her chin on your chest. “I'm gonna invent all these cool machines and gadgets, and you're gonna be the best doctor in the world.”

“And then we can go to all these cool places,” you add. “Paris, London, Prague... everywhere.”

She grins and leans forward, pressing a kiss to your jaw. “I want to build a future with you,” she murmurs. “I want you by my side.”

“Always,” you reply. “I don't want a future without you.”

—

PRESENT

“Everything is in the past now. This is for her.”

You blink once and rub your eyes, trying to shake out the memories dancing in your head. “That's easy for you to say. You weren't the one who dated her,” you mutter under your breath.

Sevika hears, though. “Oh? So that's what you're going to do? Complain about your failed relationship? You had what you wanted, and yet you threw it away.”

“I had to-” you start to say, but the sound of violins starting to play interrupts you.

The wedding march begins to play, and you stand up along with the rest of the attendees, turning your heads towards the entrance as the doors are pulled open.

There she is.

Powder wears a sleeveless off white wedding dress, and a long white veil covers her face. There's a bouquet of flowers in her hands, with long ribbons trailing along the floor behind her. You can see the smile on her face under the thin veil.

If this was your wedding, what would it have looked like?

The beautiful church. The flowers lining the aisle. Powder, wearing a white wedding dress as she walks towards you. Everything is how you dreamed of it.

But then she reaches the end of the aisle, standing next to her groom before the pastor. Ekko whispers to her, and she laughs softly.

The pastor begins talking, but you focus your attention on Powder and Ekko. Ekko looks great. He cleans up really nicely in his suit. He reaches out to take Powder's hand in his.

You look away, your attention turning back to the pastor.

“Those who have any reason why this couple should not be joined in Holy Matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

—

8 YEARS AGO

“I'll marry you here.”

Powder's arms wrap around you as she rests her chin on your shoulder, looking at the wide open view of the sky above. You stand on the roof of an unfinished building, watching the night sky.

“Isn't this a little cliché,” you tease. “Making these future promises in the night sky?”

“Maybe… but I meant what I said. I'm going to marry you one day.”

“I know you do,” you say, turning around and wrapping your arms around her.

She chuckles. “I'm going to marry you in a church with all our family and friends. I'm going to wear a really pretty white dress, and you'll only be looking at me.”

“I'm already in love with you. It doesn't matter if you're in a dress or not. I'll still look at you like you're the most beautiful and amazing person I've ever seen.”

She smiles and reaches up to cup your face with her hands. “We're going to grow old together,” she whispers. “We're going to be happy forever. We're going to be happy… right?”

“Of course we're going to be happy,” you reply, covering her hands with one of yours. “I'll be happy as long as you're happy.”

—

PRESENT

You spot Silco in the crowd, watching the ceremony. He catches your gaze and gives you a nod. You return it and then turn your attention back to the front.

Powder stands beside Ekko, her focus on the pastor, her hand intertwined with his.

No doubt they're thinking of the same things you just were. Vows, love, happiness... they're thinking of the future. Of their future.

You wish you could be thinking the same things. But you're stuck in the past. Stuck in the memory of how it used to be. The what-ifs, the maybes, the supposed-to-bes.

7 years, 84 months, 2,557 days, 61,362 hours.

So many moments and days that were spent, just to be left with nothing but memories.

You want to go back to those moments, to those days, and do things differently.

But life isn't like that. Time doesn't stop for anyone. Life doesn't stop for those left behind. Time keeps moving forward, and so does life.

Those memories you're thinking of? They stay in the past. And they stay there forever.

You have to learn to let go.

—

5 YEARS AGO

You don't know what to do anymore. Everything in your life just keeps piling up on top of you.

You're working part time jobs to keep the electricity on and to put food on the table. All while trying to keep your grades up at least above a B.

And Powder's failure on her board exams certainly didn't help.

She's been locked in the workshop for hours, working on some machine, some new gadget, something to keep her mind off the disappointment from the exam.

You've tried to be supportive. You've done everything you could. You've tried to reassure her that there's always next year, that she still has time to try again.

Still, she won't listen. She just locks herself away, avoiding you and ignoring your words. Every single night, she spends it in her workshop, working, building, and creating.

You've tried to talk to her about helping financially, offering to give you small jobs, or even just getting a part-time job. Anything would be helpful.

Yet, every time it's the same response. “I'm working on something important,” she would always say with a wave of her hand. Or if she didn't want to deal with you, she'd simply reply with “I just need a little bit more time.”

You know why she's not able to take your suggestions about getting a job. She feels like a disappointment.

Her passion is her coping mechanism, and she has the right to cope with her failures in her own way. Her inventions and creations are the only source of joy she currently has, and you don’t want to tear it away from her despite the fact that it's slowly tearing apart your future together.

But you need the help, you need another source of income, and there's nothing you can do without upsetting your girlfriend.

So, you keep trying to keep everything together. You work, you cook, you clean, you stay up way too late at night studying, you run on less and less sleep, and you take on odd jobs on the weekends.

You tell yourself that it's going to work out. That everything will be fine. That if you just keep going, things will get better.

This is for you and Powder's future anyway.

—

PRESENT

After the wedding, people head into the reception hallway, chatting among themselves. You and Sevika find your way to a table with your name cards.

The reception hall is decorated with flowers hanging everywhere and strings of fairy lights hanging across the walls. The tables are covered with light blue tablecloths, and there are pink ribbons wrapped around the back of each of the wooden chairs.

“Can everybody take their seats?” You look up to the stage, where Ekko stands holding a microphone with Powder beside him. “We appreciate you coming here for us. It really means a lot.”

Powder holds onto Ekko's hand, and he brings it up to his lips, placing a kiss on the back of her hand, causing her to grin.

“I'd like to thank everyone who helped us plan everything. I'd also like to thank the person who made this dream possible,” Ekko continues, and he motions for Powder to step up to the microphone.

“Thank you for coming to our wedding,” Powder says. “I'm really glad everyone is here.” She looks out to the audience, and her eyes land on you. “It means a lot to have everyone we care about here.”

She smiles and she looks at Ekko again, who is staring at her with adoration.

“I'd like to start with a toast to my now-husband,” she says. “Ekko... it's hard to find the words to express how I feel about you. I could never describe everything you mean to me or how you make me feel. Every second with you is a gift, and every day you make me the luckiest person in the world. I love you more than anything. Cheers!”

Everyone raises their glass, a chorus of ‘cheers’ rings around the room. You raise your glass as well, joining in. Sevika does the same, sipping her wine in one gulp.

The rest of the night continues with more speeches and congratulations. After the dinner, the room then becomes more lively. People are getting up from the table to dance, and you can see Powder and Ekko heading to the dance floor.

She used to love dancing with you. Back when things were good. When they were easy.

It would be after late nights when she was bored or restless, dancing around your apartment at two in the morning. Eventually, you'd give in and get up from the bed, grabbing her around the waist and dancing with her, even if you were tired.

But it was more than that. It's dancing in the rain, the moonlight, the early mornings. It was the smiles and the gentle touches when no one was looking. It was the promises you made to each other when it was only you and her.

It was everything you dreamed of and more. And here you are, watching someone else dance with her.

—

5 YEARS AGO.

“You can't even—God, Pow!” you grumble to yourself, watching the pile of dishes in the sink. “I thought you were going to do these yesterday.”

The apartment is a mess. The couch is littered with food boxes and wrappers. The garbage can is overflowing with used plastic utensils, food scraps. The small kitchen sink is stacked with unwashed dishes. Some of them have been there for a few days. She said she'd do them last night after she finished up some tinkering in the workshop.

“I said I'm sorry-”

“-It's the same thing, over and over again! you say you're going to do something, and you never do it. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall. Why do I even bother?!”

“I'll do it today!” she protests, “I just-”

“You just what? Didn't get around to it? Too busy tinkering on something that you'll eventually forget about?”

“It's not like that!”

You turn to face her, pointing with a finger. “You always say you'll do something, but you never do! You can't even go a day without messing up. I'm tired of cleaning up after you-”

“-I can help too-”

“-But you never do!” you snap. “I do all the cooking, I clean the apartment, I do the laundry, I take care of the bills, I do the groceries, I-” you gesture around the room. “-I've been working my ass off, trying to keep us afloat, trying to make sure we have food and power. Why cant you be useful for once?!”

Her face falls at that last word, and she clenches her fists. “Useful?” Powder repeats. “Seriously?”

“Yes!” you exclaim. “You're not doing any better than a pet at this rate. At least a dog has some goddamn purpose-”

“-I'm not a dog!” She storms over to you and grabs onto your shirt, shoving you hard on the chest. “I'm not doing all this to be useless! I'm doing it because I have to! Because I'm going to make something that's going to matter! I want to do something that matters. I want to matter. I'm trying, alright?!”

“You're trying.” You scoff and shove her hand away from you. “Trying to do what? sit around and watch me do all the work? you're trying to what? make some pointless gadget that won't ever do anything other than blow up in your face?”

“Is that really what you think of me?”

“What the hell am I supposed to think?! all you ever do is screw up! every single thing you touch breaks, every single thing you try to do fails, and you just keep messing things up! I've been trying to be supportive. I've been trying to be understanding. Every single day, every time I come home, every single time I talk to you, but it's always the same!”

“What's that supposed to mean?!”

“Every time I ask you to do something, it's always the same excuse-”

“-Is it so wrong that I want to do things that make me happy?!” she interrupts sharply. “This is my passion. This is what I'm meant to do. YOU, of all people, know why this is important to me! YOU know why it means so much!”

“Passion?” you echo, pacing around the apartment. “Your goddamn passion? It won't keep the electricity running. It won't buy you food to eat. YOU only care about yourself and YOUR goddamn passion and YOUR stupid dreams and YOUR needs! It's never about us, or our future, or what WE need to do to survive. It's always ABOUT YOU!”

You stop in your tracks and look at her, your chest heaving. “I've given everything! Everything I have to keep us afloat! Everything to keep going! But I'm so fucking tired! I'm tired of carrying your weight. I'm tired of carrying your dreams. I'm tired of dealing with your bullshit.”

She's always hated it when you yell at her. She hates it when you argue.

You hate it too. You hate seeing her eyes fill up with tears while her lips tremble.

“I've put up with so much, SO MUCH because I thought it was worth it. I thought if I just kept going, things would work out. I thought if I kept trying... I wanted something good for us. I wanted us together, happy, to be able to live good lives. I thought we were going together,” you gesture at her, “I thought we were doing this together.”

“We are,” she says, and she looks away. “We are.”

“Are we?” you ask her, and you sigh. “I'm so tired.”

“You... you're tired of me.”

You nod slowly, staring at the ground. “I'm tired of having to spend my time taking care of everything. I'm tired of picking up after you. I'm tired of doing everything by myself. I'm tired of cleaning up your messes. I'm-” you rub your eyes, tiredly “-I... I just feel like I'm wasting my time in this relationship.”

Powder steps forward, reaching out to touch you, but her hand falls back to her side at the last second. “Are you... is this it?” she asks. “Are you breaking it off?”

…

She flinches as your silence confirms her fears. “Then…” she starts to say, and she clears her throat. “Then just leave. Please just leave.”

Hearing her say that finally rips another piece of your heart. You look away from her, trying to control the tears that are starting to form in your eyes. “Fine,” you say, “if that's what you want.”

You turn away and start packing your things, making it quick. There's no time to stay here any longer than you have to. You shove your things into a suitcase, grabbing the essentials and shoving them inside.

You look around the apartment. The apartment that you two made yours. The apartment that you two spent years in. The apartment that had more memories than anyone could count.

You spot a small, framed picture sitting on the nightstand. It's a photo of the two of you at her favorite bar. You were celebrating her getting into her dream university.

Her arms are wrapped around your neck, her cheeks pressed against yours as the both of you smile at the camera. One of your arms is slung around her waist. You're holding a beer in your other hand.

You were happy back then, weren't you? Back when both of you were sure about the future. Back when you thought all your dreams were within reach. Back when you believed you could spend the rest of your life together.

It was so easy to love her. So easy. And you did it so willingly. She stole every part of you until there was no part of you that belonged to you anymore.

You start moving towards the door, a suitcase in hand. Your hand rests on the doorknob, and you can feel her eyes staring at the back of your head.

You don't look back, because you know that if you do, you will run back to her. You'll forget everything that happened. You'll forget the fights and the arguments. You'll forget the cold shoulders and the sharp bites of words. You'll forget everything because you'll only remember how much you love her.

But for your sake, and hers...

You turn the doorknob and walk out the door.

Just as the door closes behind you, you hear the first sob from the other side.

You hear it in the hitch of her breath. You hear the faint thud of her landing on the ground. You hear her cry, you hear her gasping for air between sobs, you hear the sounds of her breaking.

And it's then, and only then, do the tears finally escape.

Your knees buckle, and you sink to the ground, your back pressed against the door. You press your hand over your mouth, the only thing to stop your sobs from being heard on the other side.

You miss what you used to be. You miss what you had.

But you know that there is no going back. This is the end of it. You and her, you and who once meant everything to you, will never, ever be the same again.

This time, when the door closes, it closes for good.

Your hands tremble as you force yourself to get up, holding the handle of your suitcase tightly. You look at the door you walked through one last time before turning away to face your future without her.

—

PRESENT

The reception goes on, and a few hours later, everyone starts leaving the reception. You stand up and head out with Sevika, making the walk towards the parking lot.

You're nearly at Sevika's truck when someone calls out. “Hey... wait up.”

You look over your shoulder to see Powder walking towards you. You stop and turn to face her, Sevika stopping at your side.

“I was hoping to catch you guys before you left,” Powder says. “Can we speak for a bit?” she asks, and she looks anxious. “Alone?”

You hesitate for a moment before nodding your head once.

Sevika looks between the two of you. “I'll wait here,” she responds and lights up a cigarette, leaning against the truck.

She rubs her cheek awkwardly and then points towards a lone bench off to the side of the road. “Can we sit?”

You follow Powder, and the two of you sit down on the bench, leaving a few feet of space between you.

Powder fiddles awkwardly with her ring, twisting it nervously around her finger. “Thanks for coming today,” she starts. “Um, Ekko... he wanted everyone to come. Wanted us all to sort of move on and... be at peace. Wanted to make sure everything is good between everyone.”

You nod, understanding. “It was a beautiful wedding,” you say politely. “You two looked great up there.”

“...thanks.”

The silence is weird and awkward and strange, and you don't know her anymore because it's been so long.

Then, she speaks again.

“I was hoping to talk to you about... a lot of things. But... mostly... I just wanted to say-” she pauses, hesitating. “I'm... I'm sorry,” she says, her eyes flickering to your face before looking away. “...I'm sorry,” she repeats. “For... everything, I guess. For letting things get so... messed up. I shouldn't have... I should've…”

“It's alright,” you say, and you sound gentle and understanding. “We don't have to-”

“-No, we do,” she interrupts. “I need to get this out.”

You nod again, and she continues.

“I was... lost back then. I was messed up back then. I didn't know what to do... after my exams, and I-” she stops, biting her lip. “There were other things as well, but that's what tipped me over. I just didn't know what to do... but instead of doing nothing, I started doing something. And that ended up messing everything up-

I focused... I focused on what I was good at. I focused on what I enjoyed. I pushed you away cause... I didn't want to face everything. I didn't want to face you, cause I didn't want to face everything wrong with myself. I thought... I thought I could do everything by myself. I thought I could handle it. I wasn't thinking of you. I wasn't... I just kept thinking about... about what I wanted. What I needed,” she murmurs. “You were the only thing in my life that was going right. You were the only thing I had. And I was so scared of ruining it. I didn't mean to, though. I just…” she huffs, “...I'm sorry.”

She looks back at you, the tears starting to stream down her cheeks. “I'm sorry... I'm sorry for not being strong enough, for not giving you the love you needed, for not being better. You... I… I'm so sorry…”

You reach for her hand, and she lets your fingers intertwine. “I'm sorry too,” you tell her. “I'm sorry for leaving. I didn't do it because I wanted to, I did it because I had to. I had to do it for us-

It wasn't like I didn't... I didn't want to be there for you,” you continue as your vision starts to blur. “I did want to... but I couldn't keep giving everything while waiting for you... waiting for you to... find yourself. I needed to let go, because we were falling apart. We would never have gotten to where we are now if I didn't let go. You wouldn't be the engineer you are now, and I wouldn't be the doctor I am now. I had to let you go for both of us.”

“You were right for doing it,” she whispers as she stares at your fingers intertwined with hers. “I… I hated that you left. I didn't want to admit it, but deep down, I think I knew. I think I always knew that we weren't meant for each other.” A tear slips down her cheek and hits your intertwined hands. “We were always on different paths, you and I.”

It feels like the weight is off your shoulders and hers too.

“We tried, right?”

She nods, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm.

“We tried our best, right?” you ask, and this time she pauses because it sounds like a farewell.

And it is.

“We did…” she replies. “We tried our best.”

7 years of memories, the good and the bad. The ones that you would never forget.

“Thank you. Thank you... for the memories. I know… I know things didn't end how I wished they would, but I… I don't regret a single moment of being with you,” you say. “What we had... it was enough. For me.”

You pause as she turns to look at you, a smile on her face. It's a small smile, but it is genuine, and it's more than enough.

“I'm happy you're happy,” you murmur.

“I want you to be happy too.”

“...I'll be happy.”

Her hand squeezes yours, and you return the pressure. You don't want to let go.

A pause.

She lets go first. Her fingers sliding out of yours and falling back into her lap.

She then stands up. “I... I think Ekko is already looking for me.”

“Yeah.” You nod. “Yeah, good—yeah. I... I should be going too.” You follow suit, facing her, and try to memorize the look on her face one last time. “I forgive you.” And you do, somehow, you do.

“I forgive you, too,” she murmurs. “I hope you... live your life the best way you can. I... I hope you... find happiness.”

Then... she steps forward, hesitates, and wraps her arms around your waist. You're surprised, but you return the embrace anyway. Your arms wrap around her shoulders, and you can feel her burying her face in your chest as she finally lets herself feel it, all five years of it.

“Thank you,” she says against your chest. “Thank you-” her voice chokes up.

“It'll be alright,” you soothe, rubbing her back gently like it used to be, and she clings to you like she used to. “Everything will be alright.”

You can't help but think, if the circumstances had been different, things would be different. That perhaps, in an alternate universe, it would be you and her. That, maybe, in another life, she would have taken you to see the stars on a cloudless night, and that you would have watched the sky together, with only the sound of crickets and the warmth of her hand intertwined with yours.

Maybe in another time, another universe, another life.

Maybe...

But not this one. Not this time, not this universe, not this life.

You're just two strangers, once again, caught in something that could have been a lifetime.

Two different people with completely different lives and futures.

You know nothing of her life for the past half-decade, and she doesn't know yours. You don't know the woman she has become, and she doesn't know the stranger you have grown into.

It's as if you've aged 5 years in the span of a few minutes.

Because you did, in a way.

You let each other go, in the end, and now you have to live the rest of your life in a world with her in it, but not with her.

Your time together is over, and you understand that. You will never be what each other needs or wants, and you accept that. You have the comfort of knowing that you've become who you're supposed to be.

It was fun while it lasted.

Maybe tomorrow, maybe in six months, maybe in a year's time, she will just be another memory. Maybe one day, when you look back at what you had, you could see it as a beautiful memory instead of a painful one.

You press a kiss into her hair before pulling away, your arms loosening around her frame.

She sniffs, rubbing both her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Take care of yourself, okay?” she asks, and you notice the tremble in her voice.

“You too,” you reply.

The wind blows, and she tucks her hair behind her ear.

“Bye,” Powder says. “Take care.”

“Bye.” And... that's it. There's nothing more to say, nothing more to give.

She steps back and waves once. You wave back, and you hope for the best.

With that, you watch as she turns around and walks away to where Ekko is.

Once she approaches him, she leans into his side, burying her face into the crook of his neck. He puts an arm around her as she wraps her arms around his waist. You see them start walking away, back towards the venue, back towards all the happiness that will follow them.

Watching her go, you finally exhale.

A few cars pass, people leaving the venue one by one. People leave with the ones they love, couples leaving hand in hand, friends talking amongst each other, families with their relatives.

You smile once, then head back to Sevika, who's still leaning against the truck, finishing her cigarette.

She looks you up and down as you approach, her eyes narrowing once she notices the lingering hint of wetness on your face. “How much are we drinking?”

You laugh, but it's short lived, replaced with a deep exhale. “Your treat?”

She scoffs. “Tch, you wish.” She looks at the venue before looking back at you. “Everything done?”

You look over your shoulder, taking one last look at the venue. The lights, the people mingling, the laughter... and her.

Powder links her fingers together with Ekko as they head back. He says something in her ear that makes her laugh and shove him away playfully.

She's happy.

That's the only thing that matters.

“Yeah,” you say, finally turning away from the venue. “Everything's done.”

There are no more what-ifs, no more what-could've-beens.

It is what it is.