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magnificentstrangerchaos · 2 years

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30/08/22 The Start

So, this is an insane experience. I woke up not even 30 minutes ago and decided to write it down for further study in the future. It’s good that I decided to make this a diary instead of the primary idea - just another place for my fanfics. Well, Eve, what happened?

THIS happened, okay.

So, main thought is - I sleep walked and I did stuff then went back to be. Not uncharacteristically of me I happened to have thrown off my sheets so the early morning cold from the window and the glaring sun in my room woke me up instantly.

Nothing seemed to have been the matter until I raise my phone to look at the time and I see,

I’m wearing my ring.

Two things to know about me - I never sleep with rings on, and I have a very strong daily routine. Some clothes I use as home-wear were moved from my bedroom to the living room couch because I usually drop them off there before I go to the restroom.

And while it seems it could be a ‘Haha, you put it on’ I mean, I wish but since people swell up a little when they sleep, this thing had been squeezing me for hours and I knew it sounds insane, but I clearly have worn it for a while.

Sleepwalking is not something I haven't done before. One time I woke up ON the toilet just sitting there like nothing was wrong and I remember I didn’t really panic at the time. Now it’s just a little spooky to think about me roaming in the middle of the night.

Door was locked though, nothing else is open in terms of windows. Good enough for me. For now.

I also apparently have been online at 4-5am because of eyewitnesses being awake and have noticed me on. It doesn’t seem that I messaged anybody which is good enough. Goodness knows what I could have written.

The other possibility is, I got possessed, OR the fae prince that married me in my dream when I was like 12-13 really came back for me now that I’m of the ripe age of 22.

I contacted the ‘local’ Witch to ask if I have honest chances to have been possessed. We both agree the Balkans are wild fae-wise and most of them are pretty aggressive, to suit the equally as aggressive populace. I’m a съботник, so there isn’t much worry in my heart I will ever be whisked away by some zmei or lamia but the idea of it is enticing.

For as long as it’s on my terms, haha.

Anyways, she said there could be but we have to vote off the most probable solution, which is, chucking it to sleep-walking.

The Witch said also that if it IS fae, then she can’t salt my way out of it and I’m becoming increasingly ‘worried’ about the outcome. I apparently have to look for an increased amount of toadstools in that case.

But, it was probably sleepwalking. I’ll be monitoring it myself for a couple days.

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If curious about the dream, ALL I remember from when I was 12 was:

-I came on my own volition to this giant tree

-A man with black short hair and blue eyes greeted me.

-He took me INSIDE the tree through some hole on top and then we descended.

-It was a tight fit at first but the more we walked it’s like I became smaller and then doors and windows were everywhere, everything was polished natural wood/petrified wood opal. People crowded the sides but there was more than enough space to get through.

-We end up alone in this one room

-He asked he if I will marry him, I said yes, he took my hand and placed a ring on it. I don\t remember any details other than taking note it had a blue gem in it, the same as his eyes. I’ve always wanted a pretty ring with a red gem, so that’s why the colour lasted with an impression.

-I asked if we have to kiss and he said ‘Not yet, not if you don’t want to’

-Then I woke up. Haven’t heard from him in years. Honestly, if he shows up now, I’ll fight him for abandoning me. He’s getting a whooping.

#sleepwalking #fae #sleep

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magnificentstrangerchaos · 2 years

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‘To Do’ List (Summer of 2022)

So, I found the ‘To Do’ list I made at the end of June/start of July. It was shoved /as I anticipated it would have been/ among my other sheets of paper haphazardly thrown into a folder.

I’ll go through all of the points and talk about how things have been going, adding things I have done along the way to make it look like I actually did more than I planned for my own pleasure.

1. Fix Laptop

At the start of December 2021 my laptop started getting really sad. Like, bluescreens and tells me there is no Windows installed kind of sad. I took it to a place my dad usually fixes his laptops and I got a new HDrive and a new battery because the old one said “Goodnight” one evening and stopped working. It’s pretty good, well... better than it was before, faster too.

I might have to take it to the same place again. I tried installing Genshin on it once and it BS-ed. I uninstalled it and commenced with my work but it seems that ALSO if it overheats it bluescreens again. It’s been manageable, I have a fan and everything. All data is backed up.

(Side note I have this USB flash disk that is really messed up and all my art files/refs are there. I need to fix it and get them OUT or else I’m going to cry. I didn’t have time to back it up before the last drive died and this was the only storage unit that could suck up all 200K of my files.... Don’t ask, I’m a hentai writer and draw-er)

I don’t want to push for a new laptop of any kind because a dream for a ‘FUTURE’ experience is to have an actual PC. Doesn’t matter gaming-intended or not (probably not) that inevitably means I need to find a permanent place to stay since it’s a hassle to carry an entire PC around. Two-to-three more years this buddy needs to survive.

Might get a new keyboard though, literally anything side-bought so far would be implemented into the new boyo anyways. And as I name all my PC periphery, I will call the new keyboard Antoine (current one being called Antonio). Guess A’s run in the family C:

2. Fix tooth

At the end of my exams I thought I found myself a cavity. Turns out my teeth are perfect (according to the dentist) and it’s one of those small cavities that is fixable with good toothpaste and mouth-wash. To be fair, the mouth-wash I got (rec by the doctor) freaking does a whale of a job but it also tastes like every medicine you will ever taste at the time time. I’m 1/3 way through the bottle and it’s SO COOL because it’s the type that comes with a pre-installed cup. You squeeze it, fill it up, sip, do your thing. I’d buy it again.

3. Herbarium

...

I mean... I got a couple new flowers to add.

Petals of a rose a friend of mine got me over a sleepover we had; A tiger-rose from our garden (side note, I need to go pick some of its leaves because I only managed to harvest the blossom); A damascene rose; Two types of orchids

I think I’m going to spend a while just going through the entire book sticking rice paper between the pages where the flowers would go, just to have it over with. I’ll concentrate on it over spring when everything blooms anew.

4. Go out at least once a week

...

This is a personal attack

5. Go paint the seaside

Will do, that’s probably what I’ll be doing for the three or four days I’m there other than reminiscing stories/fics.

6. Paint the mountains

I took photos of places I’ve been, so that will happen in the future as well.

7. Finish the ZhongChi fic (Ch. 3)

Listen here, you little [redacted].

Alright, okay. So, I TRIED. ‘Dragon Gazing At a Sea Of Clouds’ was a great story, I really enjoyed writing it when I was in my Childe rut days a little before getting him in Genshin. Chapter 2 - ‘The Fox That Stole The Dragon’s Heart’ was also a success that I don’t even know how I came up with.

This entire thing was a gag, a meme I saw someone post on twitter about regarding Zhongli’s magic portable onahole (it’s a fleshlight) being connected to Childe’s backside while he’s in a meeting with the Tsaritsa. I got invested. And then pretty much slipped out of it.

I WANT to finish it, I absolutely do. I have an outline of what will happen - their Chinese-themed wedding, their wedding night, both tied up to each other, ears, tails and horns all out in display. HORNY hours, you know?

So, I really need some stimuli to get going. I’ve been unable to play Genshin for a couple months and while I’m obsessed with KNOWING about the game (I have it on my phone), it’s been hard to get inspired. I’m doing my best, I want it to be good. It just feels like I’ve been repetitive in other fics or I somehow accidentally wrote what I intended for ZhongChi other places.

Call it deja-vu of an unfortunate writer.

8. Edit ‘Aster Tataricus’

That’s a future project honestly. I wrote it in December/Over Christmas and the responce was SO GOOD. The person who inspired me, Wiann on Twitter is a gem and they still follow me. I also adore watching their works in general, they have their own writing done as well and it’s *bites fist*

9. Write Ch. 2 of ‘When The Owls Cry’

I still can’t decide if I want to make it ‘Owls Cry’ or ‘Owl Cries’, both have a meaning for me.

Haven’t gotten to that part YET either, but I did go back to Chapter 1 and I redid it after the event to feature the whole eyepatch secret and sending letters.

10. Finish ‘Lullabye For My Feeble Heart’

I usually never outline works and just write them out in one breath when I figure I want to, but this one is indeed outlined. I have the entire plot ready, each chapter sorted. All I need is to execute it, but as you can see if you read everything so far - I want to finish those that are on the VERGE of completion and then latch onto longer works.

11. Finish ‘Wish Whispered Upon A Star’

Aye... I recently posted the chapter before the last, so we count that as progress. I’ll force myself to finish writing out my missing lectures this week, so I can spend Saturday and Sunday on that (27-28/08)

12. Take part in 2022 MXTX BDSM week

I DID, but the last story is missing, because I took a hiatus due to personal reasons. You can find the series here days 1 to 6 available.

(Can you feel how happy I am for the easy access to hyperlinks? I borderline was forced to code to figure out how to insert stuff in AO3.)

13. Make the FengQing threadfic

Mmm... I wrote like.... two additional pages for it in my google doc and then scroll past it as if it’s a scratch that I want to itch but I just hover it instead.

14. Draw the Izora mural digitally

Haaahahahahaha.

I have to if things with CSP are getting as serious as they look. I can’t decide if I want to push around with art or press on with fics. Maybe I will take until December to complete whatever I have WITHOUT (lies) adding any new ones, so I can then concentrate on drawing again. It’s a pre-drawn thing on paper, but I want it digitally, because colouring would be so much easier.

15. Make new sketches for CandleHeart and Nyrian Thantis

I’m rather proud of those honestly. I want more portraits so I can use them on the different accounts.

16. Write at least one fic with mermaids

I accidentally forgot about this and when I read it I was like “!!!”

It’s on twitter, but you can check out the teaser here, because while it is complete in the sense of a thread fic, there is more that will be included in the final version that’s going to AO3.

17. Work on the VN maybe?

Yeah, this was a ‘maybe’ since the Visual Novels I have planned will be absolutely pushed back for until this problem with CSP has come to an end so I can know which programs to use and which tools to pick out.

18. Play League of Legends with M

WE DID AND IT WAS SO FUN, I love her. She’s a sweetheart. That’s all you need to know.

19. Read MDZS

I’m at... Book 2 maybe page 130. Book 3 came out not even a week ago, so I’m waiting to see which website is going to offer me that sweet, sweet money-sucking service of delivering it to me.

20. Things I HAVE done as a side-project include

-I got to stock up on clothes I’ve been ignoring my need for.

-I ordered amazing stuff off Aliexpress and while you may think ‘How amazing CAN it be’, I’ll do a little show of them when they arrive. I’m really excited, most of all for the pins I ordered, because I want to stick out like a sore thumb with them.

-I finally bought my brother his birthday present. He’s been waiting for it for SO long. After I finish with my work tomorrow I should zoom to the other tech-shops I know are around town so I can get two more things I need and then I can proudly go back home.

-I set a goal to hit 40 fics by the end of the year, currently we’re at 34, so finishing the stuff above will probably skyrocket me above that number.

-I finally got a new phone case, needed that because the other one was falling apart.

-Got two new wrist-watches because I’ve had an itch to wear one since Autumn last year.

-I’m getting a third piercing on my ear in October.

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magnificentstrangerchaos · 2 years

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Muses

I’ve been so drained of inspiration, with so much happening around me, that I’ve been unable to write for the last week. I wasted. A week. Thinking about it is even more maddening, since I’m absolutely the type to want to do 20 things at the same time so they could be done and over with. In the ‘oh, I accomplished something’ way that is. Instead, I could only repost my old thread fics from Twitter to AO3 to feign some kind of activity. Frankly, through that, I actually spammed some of my subscribers’ inboxes. I have to go to the library today and finally get started on studying. While the week isn’t wasted through activity-based work, my desire to do anything but wait for the weekend at the seaside grows increasingly pressing. There’s this original work I had in my noggin since the start of August, but posting it anywhere...? Since I’m a nobody it probably won’t get snatched, but it’s the thought of it that ultimately stops me. One of the many reasons why I pretty much stopped working on my two books and flower poem collection. Beginning a herbarium book definitely helps for the latter, I’ve even bought double-sided tape to stick rice paper between the flower itself and the introduction page (name/genus/collected when/dried this long/meaning/legends regarding it) because stupid glue makes both the page and rice paper a little wrinkly. The sole mistake I instantly learn from.

#ao3 fanfic #burnout #inspiration #writer problems

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magnificentstrangerchaos · 2 years

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Rat-Muncher

Sheen, sending this image with no context whatsoever:

Me, also without context: "Hah. Rat-muncher."

Sheen: *Laughing* "That's my new favorite insult.*

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magnificentstrangerchaos · 2 years

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Do you think that space sounds so weird when recorded because somebody had been screaming into the void and we end up hearing it millions of years later?

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magnificentstrangerchaos · 2 years

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The Tale of Thornfruit (AKA my 1st ever DND character's lore, written at 3am; the idea was to novelize the entire campaign so that's why it's so lengthy)

My name is Carmina Thornfruit, a rogue wood elf from deep within the emerald forests of Toril. I am the eldest daughter of Hetto Thornfruit the Calm, son of Kotava the Fearsome and great-grandchild of the Pillaging Smogk who was the firstborn son of Vog Thornfruit and Baruno Thornfruit’s great grandfather– a long, long family of Executioners who work for elves humans and dwarves alike.

I escaped our tribe village when I was 197 and am now 214 winters old. Here I know everybody, but nobody knows me. Through deceit, lies, ginger smiles, and boot kissing I find my way around the world, the cities, men, and women. I have seen high and low of all kinds and have become as cruel as I dreaded I would be.

No, not cruel. I am cold. As cold and frost-hearted as the goddess I worship in secrecy with my sister, the one deity who has ever responded to our plea, who has looked down upon us as its kin and with frozen hands and a warm smile invited us to continue with our lives.

Mora gave us the hope we needed after that eventful night. When we lost our mother and older sister and painted the snow red with our own blood in the desire to escape this life, go back to the hands of our creator. However, he did not find two children of Or-tel-quessir tasteful enough for reincarnation so soon after their birthing.

That is why she, Mora, the goddess of snow and death came to us in that valley with pity and breathed life back into our lungs, strumming our hearts with the ache of loss but glee of life.

I sometimes have visions of those days after.

As the new eldest sister, I looked after the small house we had. I cooked, I cleaned, I wiped, I fixed and plucked, I read and educated myself of people, herbs, animals, politics, games and masks and plays. All so I could make up for the lack of family apart from my younger sister, my little Nettle.

Our father often traveled, rarely came back to our village but he always sent us notes and money through the trustworthy channels of people who came and went. Some of them – a lot more questionable than others.

I learned to hunt and set traps around the forests where no other elf from the nearby town wanders. I admit I started stealing despite my desire to stay true to what I am – a good sister and a woman working towards becoming a healer. But magic always slipped my fingers, always faded just when I was reaching out to that slither of light I could feel inside.

Fate had not been written for me to do so as I found myself less and less often at home practicing magics, I admit, I never understood. As our town prospered more and more work was forced upon me in the back kitchens of the most famous bakery. I learned how to knead the softest bread, bake the best meat or fruit pies, fry the sweetest pastries. They often gave us whatever was left of the product and took that off our pay.

But my job had some limitations such as having to leave home way earlier than usual for the bakery opening and staying in a lot later until there was nobody in sight to see me leaving. It’s to be noted that because of my family’s fame people would never buy bread made of an executioner.

A funny little legend we have is that people who work down under in the jail and torture rooms receive their bread flipped over, as it is not something, they often deserved to take with the sinful acts they deal with. There were times where I did find the bread, I was to pick on the way back home left like that and when I eventually found out who was doing that… I couldn’t do anything about it, not then and there.

“You’re cursed to have a horrid status despite the baker’s hands,” is what the main baker told me so often while I worked to the bone, trying to earn the bread I baked for hours on end in scorching hot furnaces and had to wear horrid half a mask most of the time. It was for whenever we opened the windows for a breather there would be nobody to recognize the daughter of a butcher of human, a killer on the loose…

The life of an executioner’s child is a lonesome one. We are viewed as monsters, criminals that were given a chance to live a bit more by selling ourselves away to what government we had.

We were allowed a house, money, personal items, and sometimes food like meats and milk, and eggs were brought to our house whenever a good soul decided to pity us. That happened rarely, though. Most wood elves here were… tough and glared at us if we ever arrived in the town during the day, closed their shops, or ignored us if we walked by even if we wanted to buy something with the coin.

‘Filthy.’; ‘Bloody.’; ‘Stolen.’ – none of them accepted it, so I was forced to sometimes simply… leave it behind as we passed by and took what I needed. It was not stealing if I paid for it, not for me. Not for those who are starving.

We had chickens and a few sheep and goats who seemed a lot more understanding than the elves in town. Nettle used to tell me she could talk to them, that she explained why we need to sheer them or take their milk, that the chickens didn’t mind us taking their eggs if we leave one or two for their chicks and loved the food we brought to them. I don’t know how honest she was back then

My little loving ladybug took care of a herb garden and ventured out into the forest, only to come back with foraged goods like shrooms for soup, pine needles for tea, wild honey, juicy berries and syrup from tapped trees.

My sister was the only reason I had left so late into my long, though not immortal life. I wanted to teach her all I could, find what she liked, a job perhaps, or maybe a friend that would not fear her and help her out while I was gone. I really did not want to depart from that small wooden cottage just like that or to drop off just money so she could afford the things she liked.

There was a moment in our lives when I knew peace. When I didn’t question myself each day if our father will stop sending us money, because I had enough; didn’t stare out the window, hoping that I would have someone to talk to, to reveal the fears I harbored inside… the fears I didn’t want to tell Nettleae about.

When I was 189 years old I found someone who brought life to the house other than the mona sleeping in the room next to mine.

While I was walking the way over to town, an elven woman was galloping on a black horse, both sweating and panting as if this was not the first place they were visiting. She looked at me like I was a ghost, paled, but then scorned and threw herself off the animal as she pulled the reigns off to a stop.

“Stop right there,” she spoke, “Are you from the Thornfruit familia?!”

I was more than sure this was the wife of someone falsely accused (and dead) who had found out a way to defeat her sorrows and decided to pay us a visit for a little one on one. I was not going to give up without a fight, surely, I had nothing to do with her grieve and if every second elf thought I can be a punching bag for their revenge – I would’ve been buried long ago.

However, she stalked over to me, her expression suddenly changing when I did not answer.

“Please, I have been asking about for them, but it’s as if they’ve vanished. My father…” She heaved, leaning against my shoulder, hands clutching mine. She was freezing cold and trembling.

“What is wrong with him?” I inquired, steadying her in an arm’s length. She didn’t seem to know the face of the Thornfruit sisters, but if anybody else were to be riding with her, such a close distance would certainly be of a nuisance.

“He’s very ill! He… it was a little cut, but then it grew… and it darkened and it started getting worse and worse. The healer said he will be fine, didn’t even need stitches, but now… He’s been feverish for weeks and…” Suddenly the strength holding the woman onto the horse left her and I was forced to hold her in my arms so she wouldn’t crumble to the dirt path.

The feeling of another being so close was certainly new… I haven’t cradled or hugged or cuddles anybody in forever. Nobody at all if we do not count my dear Nettle. Maybe that was what made me consider my following actions. Or was it the blood whispering in my ears, the perfume of her skin which spelled daisies and raspberries and honey… Maybe it was the lonely life I have been having that made me whisper as if I was not believing myself for admitting it.

“I am Carmina Thornfruit. You found me.”

“Please, Mina… Save my father. I am Omilya Uxlor… My father is…”

“Vamir Uxlor… “ I nodded, staring her down. How could I forget the ring of that name inside my head? “The mayor…”

“I will make sure you will be rewarded as well. Please, you know the ways of life and death. Help him, please, Carmina. I’d do anything.”

I resented that look on her face the first time I saw it. It crushed me inside and strummed all my nerves and muscles into obedience. I felt cold sweat drip down my spine under the simple dress and my hands suddenly felt more than dirty. I wanted to be as far away from her as possible, but there was something else pulling me towards her, closer…

“I’ll see what I can do, miss-“

“Call me Ilya. Please… Do consider this.” She handed me a small pouch, pulled free from the beautifully woven belt around her slim waist, ”You might be his last chance….” And with that she was back on her horse and off, dust kicked off into the air by the stallion. I waited for her to disappear, before turning on my heel.

#dnd #dnd homebrew #dnd5e #dnd ocs #dungeons and dragons #short story #story #original story #original character

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magnificentstrangerchaos · 2 years

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Books

It's so incredibly exhausting to live in the middle of nowhere, you know? I can't believe that my first post on his website after years of forsaking it for the comfort of Twitter (believe it or not) brings me here so I could whine about how Am/zon asks for my skin and kidneys every time I decide I desire something. While beggars can't be choosers and I am blessed someone out there decided to offer MXTX's books to my grabby, greedy little hands (thank you Bookholic for supporting this obsession so far even though I don't understand why I had to literally find the third book of SVSSS on the lowest shelf of an Orange Books shops) it's still frustrating that something old, but gold is unreachable at this day and age. I could always wait for when I have the money, right? Maybe I should be less greedy and buy the Kindle version to have it over with? It's the memories that are important to me in regards to these books. Imagine a wee lass figuring out her way through Wattpad with her big eyes and wide smile, just fresh off 'Scary Stories' the APP where she published her first work of fiction at the age of 12 and it got 1K views. She finds books that are hard to read, but are so comforting and interesting she can't drop them even during school. While other people chatted with their friends I was at the back being a little rapscallion reading werewolf fanfiction with my phone hidden inside my pencil case. I stumbled upon 'Bite the Bullet' by Angela Louise McGurk and latched onto it so hard I could forever taste the bittersweet satisfaction of seeing that the Author managed to publish her works because people loved them. I went to her website, and I found that she had updated it in 2022. I'm so glad someone that built up my love for MODERN vampire and mythos is doing alright. After that, I familiarized myself with 'Dragon's Prize' by Maya Starling and have re-read it multiple times by the time it came out. The story was amazing, really worthy of being spread once again as a classic fantasy romance that had everything you'd want from it. I've abandoned Wattpad for many years now, deleted my account mayhaps... In... May? Because I wanted the name I am known with for my SFW work to not be linked to anything else. A start-all-over if you will. I'm greedy for owning physical copies of books, they are my one pride and joy with so much that I have yet to accomplish in the landscape of things I failed to fight for. Because I really want to learn from those I admire and what better way than to directly consume? Take a little sip from the spring of knowledge, have a nibble of the forbidden apple. It's just increasingly frustrating the more often I go back looking through the websites and links that offer only one book, be it first or second, through websites that are blocked, that ask for shipping more expensive than the book itself. I hope that in the future the websites that literally feel like smugglers over the border, the types that pass you the order through the garden fence like it's illegal, would continue providing what we need in this small, beautiful, but sadly unproviding and un-nurturing spot in the world.

Because hope dies last, and only after it - I.

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