makutamewtwo

[makutamewtwo]

It needs to be insisted upon, despite what mainstream religious sources say, that the existence of Queer people both in gender and sexuality is written within the cosmos itself, it's a feature, not a bug and no one should be able to tell you otherwise. It has been decreed by Kronos and Ananke, Time and Necessity, and is written within the cosmic body of their egg-born androgynous offspring who contains all things, Phanes, Eros, Love, not locked behind the boundaries of societal defaulting to heterosexuality, Love that is beyond gender and beyond the formation of the cosmos itself. Love that is truly, completely, sanctified in the obscure eyes and secret heart of the divine consciousness. Let not these Archons and those who toxically seek power stop you from being you, in the folly of these foolish and most wicked rulers, there is no end for them that isn't being lowered into boundless unbearable Erebus, while you shall be taken into the divine bliss of true self. Gird yourself, oh dear ones, oh queer ones, with the armor of Iris the glorious rainbow, let not your flags serve as sigils to bind you but as a representation that you are without shame, let it be your veil, your protection until the ignorant masses reach lucidity. Arm yourself with the Labrys, with Staves and Swords and Lances and all you can carry, with Bucklers and Shields and the protection of each other. Remember those who have been martyred, do not forget their names, let those who are hateful be struck down, let those who kill be punished in this life and the next, those who take innocent lives because of their hate deserve not succor nor rapture, but only the to sow the malice that they reap. As you go into battle, sing the sweet hymns of Sappho, look to the past and the future like the Two-Headed Janus, charge quietly and subtly, under the veil of awe inspiring Night and her mysterious stars, the stars which we have all been born under, do not masquerade unless you need to for your safety, safety is important, but it's also important that you express yourself in the way that's most comfortable for you. Start quietly and begin to raise your voice, raise your voices, sing as a choir, as a community, as a Legion, seek the help of those who understand you, if people are to be reduced to numbers, then fight numbers with numbers, and if you're alone, you are still an army, your voice matters and don't let anyone convince you it doesn't. I know that those who turn away from you, and disregard your humanity will be punished and cast down for their actions and for putting their energy into such useless efforts, people in the LGBTQIA+ community has always existed, continue to exist, and will continue to exist for Aeons upon Aeons, So Mote it Be.

[makutamewtwo]

The Sleeping Sun, a Yuletide Fable

“Wake, O Sol, O Commutaff, O Muse of Egypt, who was born on this day, a beautiful babe!” Luna sang to her brother, the great bull of his mother. The thrice bound goddess was confused, her three bodies separated and scattered into the three realms, and each retrieved the Sun gifts for his birthday, but no matter who tried, he would not stir from his sleep.

“Go away,” mumbled he. “It’s my birthday and I want to sleep!” He did not move from his couch and snored and snored.

The shining one, Phosphoros, Helel, Lucifer, Attar, Venus of the morning, tapped his foot in frustration at the Sun, “Oh great,” the trickster spoke in a mocking tone, “I guess I get this terrible Holiday off, BAH, Humbug!”

Hecate was furious at the trickster and her countenance became red. She obtained a switch of wood from a tree in the underworld and beat the devil out of him, “Do not insult my brother on his birthday!”

“No, it’s fine, I don’t think I’m the reason he’s such a grinch.” Sol sleepily said, a restful peace in his voice, “anyway I’ll just deal with the presents on the morrow, give glorious Nyx my regards, wish for great bounty in the wild hunt, and cheers to the dog star Sothis on her wedding day. Wasn’t a Yule Goat born this day, too?”

Suddenly Mithras came with torch-bearing Cautes and Cautopates. “Hail,” the Phrygian cap- wearing youths spoke at once, loudly.

Sol quaked from his sleep momentarily at the sound, but Hypnos appeared and scattered poppies across his couch, which turned into a warm blanket. Sol snored loudly, but his rays seemed to shine a little brighter! Luna and Diana returned from Heaven and Earth and yet more visitors appeared.

Saturn was bearing wonderful Sigillaria, but these wax figures melted when they came close to Sol’s rays. “Oh well, maybe my gifts are too old fashioned, kids these days...” Saturn lamented. For the rest of the party he sat in the corner and could be heard devouring the Sigillaria he bought for everyone else and sobbing quietly to himself. Luna bought forth divine ambrosia and mana, Diana bought sumptuous game, and the buck angel Amabael, who’s a puckish one, brought snowflakes he had created. “Snowflakes, snowflakes…” he cried, “not one alike, yet humans favor similarity rather than difference, so it will drive them mad!”

 “Behave!” The huntresses Diana and Astarte, who aided her in acquiring the game, roared out. Luna snapped at him, “Enchant him with snow, he’s clearly depressed, you obnoxious angel!” but the angel only chuckled to himself, like an imp of the woods.

Sol rejected the food, which was unusual as he usually devoured all the food given to him, “I don’t want to eat these divine vittles, nor this sumptuous game of the wilderness, I only want to sleep.”  

Mars, Ares, Nergal, Tyr came to what was supposed to be a celebration and was enraged and brought forth his legions of martial powers and the jumping Kouretes who serve the divine mother of Phrygia and demanded that they attack the sun. These martial forces filled with terror, panic, ecstasy, and madness let out a dreadful war cry and came striking at Sol with great violence.

They struck him with spears but he wasn’t stirred and was unharmed.

They slashed him with swords, but he wasn’t stirred and was unharmed.

They clubbed him with maces, but he wasn’t stirred and was unharmed.

“Confound it, DIE, DIE! I will drink your blood and gnaw your bones like a dreadful wild beast, I will become drunken in the ecstasy and bathe in the shining redness, I am ANGRY, I am SCARED, how can this sun remain unconquered?” Mars shouted, foaming at the mouth. Two spirits, who were his calm advisers, emerged from the army. His army’s captain and Intelligence Graphiel suggested using the Phalanx formation or going on the defensive to conserve energy, and the beloved Archangel of Mars Camael suggested a passive option, “Why act with violence? The sun is clearly just exhausted, let us either let sleeping dogs lie or maybe we can coerce him with the right gift?”  

Despite these reasonable suggestions, Mars-Nergal was still furious “Argh,” he roared, “I need someone to feel my wrath!” Lucifer’s face widened into a mischievous grin, he put on his most, innocent, childlike voice and addressed the enraged god: “Sir, if I may make a suggestion, those humans are huddling together for warmth in this cold, cold season. It’s horribly repulsive, flesh warming flesh, blood warming blood, if only they could be properly punished for their squalid bodies touching!”

 Mars-Nergal was moved by the tempting words of the shining one. He gritted his teeth into something resembling an attempt at a grin but almost a grimace. “Yes, angels, you may be on to something…” Nergal said, gnashing his teeth “Let’s spare that sun, he concerns us not, those humans, however…” --the gleam of an idea in his bloodshot eyes-- “are without pathogens, without plague, they travel hither and thither, and for what?”

Sol groggily tried to give an answer “Oh, yeah, well it used to be about me, but there was a God who was born of a human on this day… he is really popular… Oh yeah the Holy Infant JE…”

Quickly Lucifer cast a horrible hex on all the partygoers, which made them forget the true meaning of Christmas. This curse only furthered Mars’ rage as it led to his army getting confused. Camael was weeping. He lamented, “Oh, how have I forgotten the name of my lord? The son who was born, whose grail I bear in my hand, the very grail which he drank out of, and his blood was collected in.”

Korybas snapped at the Archangel “Quiet! Humans care about such superficial things, if this God was really that important to them, surely, we would know about it!”

Mithras piped up “Hold on, I remember some of our Magi saw a star… do you remember Cautes? Cautes shook his head .“Sorry, I don’t remember, it’s been a long time, but maybe Cautopates does. He’s a real good astrologer!” Cautopates blushed at the compliment, “Oh Cautes, you have so much confidence in me, unfortunately, I just cannot remember, but I feel that it’s familiar and it makes me quite cross.”

“QUIET!” Mars-Nergal shouted at his armies and the other partygoers. Despite the volume of his voice the sun was fast asleep, “THESE DISGUSTING HUMANS WILL REGRET THEIR CANOODLING WHEN THEY MAKE EACH OTHER SICK!” and he took his hand and bought it above the earth, and whoever was in its shadow got sick, and that’s why we have wintertime sickness.

Lucifer snickered at humanity’s suffering, his hex had had more benefits than he had realized it would have: not only were the gods unable to say the name of “Jesus Christ,” thus banishing him, but he also managed to cover up the fact that HE was the star that led the Magi to Jesus, because he was jealously scowling at the child. He was angry at the Father and knew the Son would thwart him. Since the venereal lady Astarte was also in attendance, who was supposed to be the evening star, she would have certainly shot him if she remembered what happened that night, because he stole her place in the night sky.  

Jupiter, King of the Planets, The Greater Fortune, Lord of Fidelity, seeing that the party was quickly descending into chaos, thought it his duty to subdue it as he subdued Typhon. After all, there were not any women at this party who he could pester without horrible consequences. “Ho!” Jove said, “Let’s not get all aggressive, this is a celebration, whether the sun is awake for it or not!”

“Easy for you to say…” snarked Astarte “You didn’t even bring a gift!”

“My presence in itself, is a gift!” Jove yelled, thundering.

 “Woah, c’mon I brought something… HIC!” Dionysus staggered in, gorgeous and androgynous, with his father Silenus, who was bearing a wineskin, and they revealed their gifts of revelry, Wine, Cider, and Wassail. “Drink, be merry, be liberated!”

 “I’m a mad drunk” Mars-Nergal admitted “So it won’t settle any of this quarreling, then again I’m not complaining.”

“I don’t want booze” Sol complained, “I want to sleep.”

 “Come on…” Saturn complained with wax between his teeth “will anything awaken this sun?”

 “We could unwrap his presents” Astarte suggested.

Mithras and his two attendants began to unwrap the Sun’s presents:

 “Look Sol,” the Phrygian gods called out “a knife with a white hilt!” but the sun only snored.

“Look Sol,” the Phrygian gods called out “a knife with a black hilt!” but the sun only snored.

“Look Sol,” the Phrygian gods called out “a scimitar from Mars!” but the sun only snored.

“Look Sol,” the Phrygian gods called out “A sickle from Saturn!” but the sun only snored.

“Look Sol,” the Phrygian gods called out “in your stocking, a dagger, a poniard, and a short lance!”

 “So what?” the sleepy sun grumbled.

“It’s not working, all these gifts and he’s still uninterested!” Cautopates wept, at his wit’s end.

 “Not to worry…” Cautes encouraged his partner “there’s a few gifts left, and Mithras said he has a secret weapon!”

 “Oh yeah,” Mithras realized “with all this sudden fogginess in my brain I almost forgot!” The god whistled and a star shined in through the crystalline window, the ray of astral light emitting from the star took the form of an angel.

 “My name is Ctarari,” the angel spoke .“I bear the holy staff and wand that were engraved before the flood, it is my pleasure to gift them to the center of the universe.” The angel proceeded to sing in holy barbarous tongues, fire emanating from his mouth: “SOL RE ABRAXAS ABRASAX HELIOROS ATUM RE KHEPRI PHOEBUS IAO hail to thee HARPOCRATES who rises and is born anew all 365 days of the year! I present these antediluvian artifacts of hazel and almond, engraved with the language of the angels to thee oh Unconquerable Sun, for thou art great!”

 Everyone at the party was moved to tears, except for Sol who didn’t seem fazed by the incantation, this inactivity caused his sister, Luna, to be moved to teary eyed rage. “Fine,” she snarled “if you don’t want any of these gifts, then not only will I not give you the Silver Sword that I made with my own two hands…” Lunar light filled the room, blinding the party guests. “Then I, the lady, horned with the crescent, Affaterim, will use this blade to decapitate you!”

Sol stirred slightly, “But sister, your light cannot exist without mine, the cosmos will be plunged into darkness.”

Luna polished her shining blade, “Fiat, so be it, if you will not give humanity your light then nor will I, then all life will drown in boundless Erebus.” Luna aimed at the neck of her brother, ready to strike, until Mercury swiftly ran in. “Happy Birthday Sol�� gee, it sure is bright in here. Anyway I bought you a yule log!”

 “Oh, he’s already shown that wood means nothing to him!” his furious sister roared… but then the Sun sat up, effortlessly pushing the sword away from his throat, “That isn’t wood…” the moonlight dispersed from the room, giving sight to all the gods. Sol drooled and spat out these words “it’s a dessert!”

Hermes brought in Egyptian beasts: Dappled Bulls, Dog Faced Baboons, Wise Sacred Ibises, Dancing Scarabaei, and they bore a great table with a log-shaped cake on it.  The gods all sat down, Sol in the center of them, to enjoy the delicious treat. Sol gluttonously devoured a large slice, his rays shining bright like a fireplace stoked with wood.

“Wise Mercury,” Jove said, raising his glass, “you have saved this party with your offering, thank you, oh guide to us all!”

“Thanks, Jupiter…” Mercury chuckled, “but do we have to go through this every year?”

Lucifer pouted. “I was hoping he WOULD be decapitated this year!”

But Mercury, thinking quickly as always, asked “Shouldn’t you be bothering Jesus?”

Lucifer’s head slammed on the table as he convulsed in agony at the utterance of the name of the Son, the rest of the gods’ eyes lit up with memory, “Ohh, that’s who it was!” The gods celebrated for the short day, and after the party was done, the gods dispersed and returned to their abodes, and the sun lay down and found for himself a place of rest.

GOOD YULE

[makutamewtwo]

Happy Halloween!

Jaala decided to go with Garfield last minute, people kept mistaking him for The Lorax and Chester Cheetah though!

[makutamewtwo]

Bandai - or someone - needs to make an action figure of Baragon with these interchangeable heads!

[makutamewtwo]

nothing will ever go as hard as this Bionicle commercial

[makutamewtwo]

I have to ask for help in worst possible circumstances.

My mom is dead. She died from a heart attack while working abroad. She was sole breadwinner of our family.

I am a trans woman too disabled to work due to mental illness (I'm constantly tired and sleep 18-20 hours a day) while my dad is also disabled to leg injury. I only have a declaration of disability in 'light' degree while dad has none at all. We're both looking for any jobs possible, but that will take time.

P4YP4L: nathancrux@gmail.com Please help. Every dollar help, and if you can't spare that, please share.

Thanks to everyone for their donations so far.

[makutamewtwo]

[makutamewtwo]

Glory to Saint Expeditus

Glory to Saint Expedite for stomping out the crow in my brain that ever calls "Cras Cras" you stomp out this ever nagging inclination and make me remember that if I want to do something and I have the energy and mentality to do it, I should do it HODIE! Glory be to thee Holy Martyr who stomps out procrastination, glory be to the golden armored centurion who brings results immediately, immediately, quickly, quickly! Great art thou o Saint Expeditus, thank you, one ever aiding the artist with deadlines he sets himself.

AMEN

[makutamewtwo]

Just to make sure it's available here's the original, I stayed up all night working on it (not looking for pity, I did it on purpose) and I STILL didn't catch all the errors. I'm really proud of this one though regardless, she IS chilling you have to understand.

Today is Goodra Day 7/06 during the Year of the Dragons so this is a rare opportunity, I better not mess this up… AHEM

Hello, Tumblr, This, is Penelope Henbane, or just Penelope, she is a Goodra, she likes to relax and vibe, her aesthetic is Gothic but oftentimes vibrantly colored. She has many hobbies, she likes Schlocky B-Horror Movies, especially ones from Italy and Japan, if you were to ask her if she had any celebrity crushes, she would say “Godzilla.” She also enjoys baking, especially for others, those who know her say her baking is INCREDIBLE, but she often denies this, her friends think she’s being humble, but she has imposter syndrome, it doesn’t stop baking from being one of her passions because she really loves the process. She is a Pisces. She is self-conscious about her short neck. She loves nothing more than relaxing with a good occult book. Currently she is chilling in her reading nook, reading Secrets of the TMs one of the first ones she ever read, when she was a Goomy: “Someone dropped the book near the grotto I lived in. I don’t quite remember how it happened, I had to have had, like, 3 braincells, right? There’s no way I could have comprehended written language, and yet, somehow, I learned the move Substitute from it. I, unfortunately, lost my apparently developing ability to read when I evolved into a Sliggoo because, as you know if you know our species, I was blind, but I could still use Substitute. The Substitute doll became kind of like a friend, I suppose that’s what people call a ‘comfort object’ right? This technique to summon this cuddly little decoy has gotten me through someone the toughest times in my life.  I don’t get into scraps much anymore, so this little guy doesn’t have to take any beatings these days. That’s a wonderful story, it fills me with nostalgia and yet reminds me about how much I’ve evolved!”

[makutamewtwo]

Today is Goodra Day 7/06 during the Year of the Dragons so this is a rare opportunity, I better not mess this up… AHEM

Hello, Tumblr, This, is Penelope Henbane, or just Penelope, she is a Goodra, she likes to relax and vibe, her aesthetic is Gothic but oftentimes vibrantly colored. She has many hobbies, she likes Schlocky B-Horror Movies, especially ones from Italy and Japan, if you were to ask her if she had any celebrity crushes, she would say “Godzilla.” She also enjoys baking, especially for others, those who know her say her baking is INCREDIBLE, but she often denies this, her friends think she’s being humble, but she has imposter syndrome, it doesn’t stop baking from being one of her passions because she really loves the process. She is a Pisces. She is self-conscious about her short neck. She loves nothing more than relaxing with a good occult book. Currently she is chilling in her reading nook, reading Secrets of the TMs one of the first ones she ever read, when she was a Goomy: “Someone dropped the book near the grotto I lived in. I don’t quite remember how it happened, I had to have had, like, 3 braincells, right? There’s no way I could have comprehended written language, and yet, somehow, I learned the move Substitute from it. I, unfortunately, lost my apparently developing ability to read when I evolved into a Sliggoo because, as you know if you know our species, I was blind, but I could still use Substitute. The Substitute doll became kind of like a friend, I suppose that’s what people call a ‘comfort object’ right? This technique to summon this cuddly little decoy has gotten me through someone the toughest times in my life.  I don’t get into scraps much anymore, so this little guy doesn’t have to take any beatings these days. That’s a wonderful story, it fills me with nostalgia and yet reminds me about how much I’ve evolved!”

[makutamewtwo]

Happy pride month y’all, I do not say this out of a sense of duty but because It’s legitimately important to me. The LGBTQ+ community is amazing and often restores my faith in humans being capable of doing good in my most nihilistic moments.  Absolutely no one in their right mind should oppose this wonderful community and all of the people under the umbrella not excluding anyone who is represented in that + (Shout out to Aero/Ace people, you know who you are!) It is very important for all of you to be seen, in every month not just this one, and that homophobia and transphobia need to be stamped out like the social poisons they are.

[makutamewtwo]

[makutamewtwo]

Reminder: Tonight is Krampusnacht

Prepare yourself for The Yuletide Demon is sure to arrive... Depending on what kind of person you are, I suppose this could either be very frightening or very exciting.

[makutamewtwo]

Introduction to Jaala, the strange nature of his birth, his youth, his emerging adulthood, and his first visit to Hell!

Plate 1: Jaala at his current age of 20-something in a certain pose

Aw Heck, um I mean Hell, It's Jaala Leeds! This tricky imp isn't a particularly powerful demon and is about as low on the hierarchy as you can get. He commands no legions and spends most of his time slacking off and pulling low-stake practical jokes, the kind that even the one being pranked can laugh at or that involve some unconvincing plastic junk. Jaala does have one thing that makes him unique among devils: he was born of a human via the unity of two humans, without the involvement of a succubus or incubus. The reason Jaala was born like this seems to have been due to a prophecy. It was said of the ancestors of the Leeds family, who in the late 1700s early 1800s lived in the New Jersey Pine Barrens, that, due to Father Leeds' occult interests, Mother Leeds' 13th child would be a Devil. Now this seemingly did not happen then, but the prophecy must have been in the back of the gods' heads (perhaps Apollo took notice), and therefore it was made so for the next descendent of the Leeds brood who had 13 children the 13th would be born a devil.

Now the modern Ms. Leeds, mother of Jaala, lived in Drollerieville a bustling city mostly ruled by, in the mind of its politicians, conventionality. Ms. Leeds was active in the local LGBTQ+ community and acted as a surrogate mother for the children of many couples, 12 to be exact. You would think going through the pain of childbirth 12 times would be enough for Ms. Leeds but she had not yet had a child with her husband Mr. Leeds, so they unified, and soon enough Ms. Leeds was with child for the 13th time. When the embryo was visible via ultrasound, what most would consider an abnormality was noticeable, the fetus resembled a hybrid between a human and a goat. Any "normal" couple would have been shaken by this, but strangely, despite no awareness of the prophecy, the Leeds couple was as overjoyed and filled with love as any couple seeing their child for the first time.

A few months of gestation later, a fuzzy crimson child was born, a little prematurely, who immediately cried out a wail that sounded more like a bleating baby goat than a human infant. The child drew surprisingly little attention for his strange Satyr-like appearance but had to stay in the hospital for some weeks after his birth, but luckily, he was without any major ailments and was able to go home. Jaala as an infant could be described as clever and loud. His wailing could be heard across the whole neighborhood, and he was able to walk within weeks. It took him awhile to say his first word, which was the standard "Mama" for the curious, and there was a worry that he could only make goat vocalizations; however, there was a sigh of relief when he spoke. As a baby, Jaala did not have horns, nor a point at the end of his tail, his ears were disproportionately large, and he was very fuzzy. Jaala grew fast, but only as fast as a human child, in fact, despite his goat-like exterior, the doctors said that he was, for all intents and purposes, a human, except for his head which was like a combination of a human's and a goat's, and his cloven hooves. When his teeth grew in, however, they were very sharp like a carnivore's, Jaala was already observed to be omnivorous, so this was a little odd and very hard on Ms. Leeds, so she switched to bottle feeding. Eventually Jaala went from a baby, to a toddler, to a kid!

 Jaala's days in Elementary School were difficult, he made some friends but was bullied a lot for his animal-like face. He also had trouble with the teachers as he didn't cotton to their authority that much and also found that he didn't enjoy the curriculum that much either. He liked to read, but by himself and hated math with a burning fiery passion. He also swiftly ended up with a teacher who was Christian though she wasn't supposed to express it. "I know what you are, devil." she would whisper to Jaala at any opportunity. Jaala didn't understand this, he hadn't, before attending school, thought he was that unusual. Sure, he looked and acted a little different than other people, but he still had a human heart. He had never put much mind to religion but had seen The Devil in cartoons, Halloween decorations and books of old folk tales, sure they were both red and The Devil had hooves sometimes like him, but implying these things meant that he was wicked like The Devil was difficult for Jaala who was generally a kind, gentle, and sensitive boy. He came home that evening crying. Jaala's parents were not happy with this unprofessional behavior from someone working with in the school system and got Jaala moved to a class with a nicer teacher. This teacher encouraged Jaala to do what he liked, while still teaching him the subjects he didn't care for, but it was fine. Jaala was learning and that is what mattered.

Eventually Jaala was in Middle School, an awkward time in everyone's life. He started experiencing changes but not just the usual ones, his fingers grew sharp golden talons, his tail gained a sharp bony point, and large horns grew from his head. He filed his talons, tail point, and horns down to avoid any hazard but still had trouble lying on his back and going through narrow doorways. He also started to feel angsty, he loved his parents who had supported him but he started getting mad at them for telling him what to do, he felt like he was being judged by his classmates for his different appearance. He found out about the rebellious figure of Lucifer and immediately related to him. Jaala came to understand something: regardless of if he was a demon or not, the idea of being one was kind of cool! He started vandalizing Church grounds and creeping around them hoping to scare the nuns. These pranks seemed harmless to him, but he was becoming known and loathed by the religious community who were treating him as a scapegoat for all the "problems" they had. When he and his parents found a local religious publication talking about "An Imp of The Devil in Drollerieville" they realized that if the local politicians caught wind of this, Jaala, only a mischievous tween at the time, could have become a political scapegoat for all the local issues. Jaala had to lay low and stop pranking out in the open, instead, he started doing graffiti and minor vandalism under the cover of dark without his parents' knowledge. Having stayed out of the eye of the public, Jaala was able to graduate middle school with few issues.

 Jaala, of course, proceeded to High School, you would expect that, given how High School is often imagined, That Jaala overcame social ostracization and became the prom king and went on to marry that special someone who he met in High School, you would be wrong. Jaala generally laid low in High School, he had found himself to be a bit of an introvert, but he had a few close friends and some pleasant acquaintances, the classes were difficult, but he graduated and was, incidentally, now 18, he decided to chill for a year before seeking higher education. However, what he didn't know was that the Forces of Hell had been observing him, remotely viewing his antics, he wasn't incredible but he was distinctly devilish. Now you might think that this would be a horrible situation and that they were going to tempt him or mark him for death, but you view hell as a human, the demons viewed him as one of them, though he was especially interesting for one reason to the Demons of Hell, his body...no not in THAT way, most demons don't have physical flesh and blood bodies they are merely spirits without physical forms, so Jaala having a flesh and blood body was certainly a novelty. They started projecting themselves into Jaala's dreams which was quite disturbing for him, "We know what you are, devil," these apparitions would say, often times in the form of, people, sometimes even ones he knew, animals, and even his own reflection. The first time Jaala had one of these dreams it didn't shake him, though as these dreams got more intense and frequent Jaala started to be suspicious, these weren't just anxiety dreams, there was more to this, he was being communicated with. This came to a head when his reflection in a false awakening dream breathed onto the mirror and, in the condensation, drew a sigil, a sigil with his name on it, 4 Ankhs surrounding a goat's eye. Jaala didn't understand the relevance of this (he didn't have his Ankh necklace yet, but how he got that is another story) but he understood the assignment. He spent the entire day drawing and redrawing the sigil until he could finally draw it from memory.

Plate 2: Jaala’s Sigil

That night he went out to an alleyway. He was so tense his back felt like it was made of concrete, but he was determined to do what he needed to. He got out a can of spray paint, shook it well and onto a brick wall on the side of an abandoned building he painted the sigil, the smell of spray paint faded into the awful stench of brimstone as a doorway to Hell opened.

With very little hesitation, Jaala held his breath and plunged into the portal, falling on his face on the red clay of Pandæmonium, the employee housing of Hell. His senses were assaulted by cacophonous sounds, horrible stenches, and the foul taste of hellish clay. Jaala succumbed to overstimulation and fainted. He woke up in a comfortable bed in a well-furnished and air-conditioned apartment. He didn't know it, but the devils who had made contact with him had carried him to his room in Pandemonium. Jaala was puzzled and decided to look out the window to see where he was. Millions of demons who were each going about their business, stoking flames, eating, napping, talking, generally going about their day to day. Jaala saw this and felt sympathy for them. They were not all that different from the people of Drollerieville.  Sure, they were spirits of frightening appearance, but they seemed normal enough.

Jaala left his apartment to be greeted with an unbelievably long hallway. Luckily a door marked "stairs" was right in front of his room, so he opened it. Inside it was too dark to see anything. Jaala stepped inside and felt movement under him, it kind of felt like an escalator, soon enough Jaala was greeted by a single light and a door. The door was labeled on a gilded sign "Mammon's office." Hesitating a little bit, Jaala opened the door and was greeted by a businessman-like demon at a desk, smoking an expensive cigar. On his desk a plaque read "Mammon CEO of Pandæmonium Apartments LLC, Archdemon of Greed." Mammon looked like a human businessman at first to Jaala, but then he noticed his face, an upside-down bag with a dollar sign on it covered most of it, and his jaw looked like a skull's jaw but with razor sharp teeth. He seemed to have dollars sticking out of every visible part of his person. He almost reminded Jaala of old political cartoons of "Boss Tweed" that he had seen in High School History class.

"Ahh, you must be that imp that I have heard so much about," Mammon coughed out in between puffs of his cigar. "What is like to have flesh?" Jaala understandably felt threatened by this statement, his face scrunched into a frown, "Oh, forgive me, that wasn't a threat, you're just a rare breed! Would you care for a mint?" Mammon corrected himself and pointed at a bowl of stale, melted together mints.

"Look," Jaala managed to get out, "It's nice here, but I was called here through my dreams, my Beelzebub damn dreams, do you understand what that feels like?" Jaala raised his voice more than he meant to and covered his mouth in embarrassment.

Elsewhere in a deeper part of hell, the peppy and egotistical giant fly, Princess Beelzebub's antenna twitched upward, smacking against her escoffion. "Huh, my Antenna, that’s unusual!" the Princess of Hell exclaimed, "There must have been an invocation to me... I'll get to it later." she said going back to flirting with her many suitors.

Mammon's expression was difficult for Jaala to read, he already wasn't the best at reading expressions and Mammon's eyes were covered by the bag over his head, assuming he had eyes at all. There was a period of awkward silence and Jaala's breathing became heavy and uncomfortable, he worried that he was going to be killed and that, for all he knew, the shortness of breath was caused by some kind of noxious gas that was pouring into the room. In reality he was very anxious, and his breathing was shallow, and the cigar smoke that filled the room certainly wasn't helping either. He and Mammon just stood there staring at each other, until Mammon broke the silence "I'll give you one thing, kid..." he said in a quiet voice "you've got spunk!" Mammon burst out into a genuine, mirthful laugh interspersed with throaty coughs and hacks. He didn't seem to be angry, nor was there any malice in this laugh.

Jaala smiled uncomfortably; his breathing normalized a little bit. "But... uhh..." Jaala stammered out to the Archdemon of Greed, who was in a coughing fit from his laughter "Why have I been guided here, what do you expect of me?" "Ahh, yes, yes, ahem" Mammon cleared his throat, he spit a wad of black bile into a spittoon on his desk, which melted through it and the desk. "Well, to be frank with you, you aren't that evil, but you certainly are, how should I put this... Devilish, do you understand what I mean, Mr. Leeds?"

Jaala was starting to feel more comfortable, Mammon seemingly had no malicious intent for him, despite clearly being an authority, something which Jaala loathed and feared with every fiber of his being, Mammon was speaking to Jaala on his level, Jaala noticed an old plastic chair in front of the desk as his eyes adjusted to the dark, he turned the chair backwards and sat in it facing Mammon, hoping to impress him with a old tactic to look cool that he had learned in his edgy middle school days, "Please, Mr. Leeds is my father, call me Jaala," he said in a manufactured confident and almost smug tone of voice, "Please clarify what you mean by devilish, because I'm not quite sure I understand."

"Well," began Mammon in a clear voice, no doubt the voice he used to speak to investors, "we here at Pandæmonium Apartments LLC cater to all kinds, but we tend to categorize them as 'devils' or 'demons' but this is a broad strokes term, many many kinds of spirits populate Hell and make it the wonderful diverse workplace that it is including, but not limited to, 'daimons', 'shedim', 'gods', 'fallen angels' from everywhere in the hierarchy, 'lilu', 'mazzikin', and even some 'faeries' and 'djinn.' Isn't that wonderful?"

Jaala's head was spinning, he was even more confused, he may have been a demon, but he wasn't a demonologist so most of these terms meant nothing to him and didn't clarify anything. He replied "Uh, yeah!"

Mammon let out another hearty laugh. "Okay, well let me cut to the chase, given your devilish nature, we in Hell have taken notice and, even though you're basically a gristly human of meat and bone, we still consider you one of our own and you may, as you wish, come and go to Hell whenever you like, simply by drawing your sigil."

Despite how honest he seemed, Jaala became suspicious that he was being tricked by the smooth talking but rough voiced Archdemon of Greed. "Wait, wait, you set me up a nice apartment just because I'm a demon? What do you want from me? Do you expect me to torture damned souls? Do you expect me to pay you money? Are you going to claim my soul when I die? I may be a demon and I'm also a human but I'm no fool!"

Mammon took a long drag of his cigar, clearly considering his next words carefully, "I wasn't going to say this because I felt it would sound insulting, but, we expect nothing of you, Jaala Leeds. We don't need your human money as we have our own currency, Beastmarks, we don't need your service as your physical body is too weak to survive the oppressive environment in which the souls of humans are tortured. In addition, we don't think you could psychologically handle it either, and we do not lay any claim to your soul, nor do we ask for it, the fate of your soul is... uncertain." The Archdemon made a gesture with open hands implying balance scales.

Jaala's tension lowered a little, but the statement about the fate of his soul intrigued and frightened him. He decided it would be best not to inquire further about it. "So, I'm allowed to leave whenever I want to?" This whole situation had been emotionally intense for Jaala, and he was ready to head back to his earthly home and take solace in its familiarity.

 "Yes, but allow me to tell you one more thing..." Mammon's tone was suddenly very serious, Jaala picked up on this and listened closely, his floppy ears visibly perked up a little as Mammon spoke "Hell is a very dangerous place for a living being, it's not designed with them in mind. Due to this, you might want to stay near Pandæmonium, It's safer than most places in Hell. It's also important to know that your fellow demons are liars and deceivers, they shouldn't be trusted much, take everything they say with a grain of salt, this even applies to me. Judging by how you acted during this conversation, this shouldn't be much of a problem for you though, will it?" Mammon took a long drag of his cigar and coughed almost to punctuate the statement he had made.

Jaala didn't think that Mammon had noticed his hesitance, but apparently, he had. "So, can I just leave now?" Jaala asked, he felt that he had most of the information he needed.

"Sure, but if you fall on your face, my imps won't be there to pick you up!" Mammon smiled with a surprising amount of warmth for a greedy tyrant, he opened a desk draw and rummaged through it and finally pulled out a pen that was burning with light. "I stole this pen from heaven before I fell, it seems no one missed it!" Mammon tossed the pen to Jaala, who fumbled it in his talons before finally getting a grip on it. "Just make sure you give it back, It's a rare find!" Mammon smiled and, though Jaala couldn't be sure, it was almost like he was winking. Jaala drew his sigil with the pen.

The sigil was drawn in pure light, illuminating the dark room, the walls were fleshy and seemed to be breathing, a sleazy pin up calendar was nailed into it behind Mammon’s desk, staining the nail with blood. Jaala didn't stay long to observe his surroundings, he had seen enough and, frankly, it made him feel viscerally ill. He plunged into the circle and left.

Soon after, Princess Beelzebub appeared in a cloud of blood-sucking flies. Mammon immediately jumped from behind his desk and fell on his face at her feet, "Great art thou, O Princess of Hell!" he cried out, shivering.

"Oh, hi Mammon," Beelzebub cheerily buzzed "did you invoke me, do you need me to let loose a plague of flies on those filthy, filthy humans?"

"No Great Princess, honored be thy name, that will not be necessary, it was not I who invoked your unholy name, it was a guest in my office." Mammon belted out, his voice muffled by the fleshy floor.

"Okay~," Beelzebub sang out, enzymes dripping from her mouth, "then, who was this guest who used my name in vain?"

Mammon choked, he didn't want to reveal Jaala's name to her, but he had no other choice, she already knew it, nothing escapes her she just liked to act playful, "Jaala, great Ba'alah of creeping things." he sputtered out nervously.

"Okay~," she said, "that He-Goat knows not that he shouldn't speak my unholy name in vain, but if YOU invoke me for no reason, I'm going to have to cut off..." Mammon gulped at this pause, knowing all too well what she was going to say next "...your funding~!"

Mammon wept and gnashed his teeth out of agony, though he had been warm in front of the sensitive Jaala, the only thing he truly cared about was money, "Yes, Great Princess Beelzebub" he said through his tears "it won't happen again." Jaala regained consciousness in the same alleyway that he had entered Hell from, it seemed as if no time had passed and it all kind of felt like a weird dream, though a stale mint stuck to his butt suggested that this was more. "Aw, gross," Jaala thought "I knew I should have swept my hand across the chair before sitting in it, that office was a total sty!" He quickly got up and dusted himself off, a lasting odor of brimstone briefly wafting through the air before petering out. Jaala quickly went home and immediately took a long, cold shower, mulling over the events that had taken place as the water dripped off his horns "So Hell is real huh, I wonder what else I thought humanity made up is true," Jaala thought, shampooing his ears.

The filth of Hell washed off his body but was still in his mind as he tried to lay his weary head to rest, but his mind was rushing, and he couldn't sleep due to a combination of excitement and fear. The next morning, he hadn't slept a wink and was trying to decide if he should tell his family. He supposed that maybe Breakfast was a poor time to talk about his amazing voyage to Hell, so he waited until afterwards to tell the amazing story. Jaala's parents were certainly surprised, but not upset, they listened to the story with great interest, they suggested consistently packing burn ointment every time he visited Hell. Jaala had never suffered a burn in his life, but he agreed. Jaala continued to practice traveling between Earth and Hell whenever he desired, he quickly learned that he could use these sigils to appear almost wherever he desired, as long as he had been there before. He quickly imagined the pranking opportunities, just sticking his arm through a sigil could allow him to tap someone on the shoulder, to pants an important politician during an important speech, to invert all the crosses at the craft store all while remaining unseen... then he considered that any of these would have the issue of the appearance of a clawed hand emerging from a Hell portal to do the prank which would probably make waves, so this flight of fancy quickly faded from his mind.

He did, however, learn to master the art of travel by sigil in a few years, Jaala was now 20-something. He had saved a fortune on bus fares and hadn't yet learned how to drive because he had become so adept at subtle travel via Hell. He manifested himself in subtle places to get where he needed to go without the Hell portal startling fellow citizens. He would manifest unsubtly and theatrically at parties sometimes, and even set fancy cocktails alight with Hellfire, though those who drank them complained of a revoltingly pungent aftertaste and tended to practice temperance from then on, still, certainly a neat party trick. He started to keep his horns, tail point, and talons sharp as he had learned how not to injure others with them. Jaala would learn about others like him, other "monsters" and supernatural beings. The idea made him giddy, he had rarely been lonely, but he was truly not alone, other people like him existed! He knew for certain, even though he still lived a somewhat normal life, the world (or even worlds) seemed much bigger to him, and he knew that this wouldn't be his last adventure!

[makutamewtwo]

Hey just letting everybody know, I decided to snag the @goofygrimoires blog as a side blog for only the demonological and theological art. So if you want that, give it a follow!

[makutamewtwo]

Asmodeus

This is the form of Asmodeus

The Goofy Grimoire of Asmodeus (a fictional story inspired by demonology.)

Asmodeus, also known by names including Ashmedai, Asmoday, and many other alternate epithets, is a King of Hell, a ruler of the Shedim and is the embodiment of lust. He appears in multiple forms but in most of them he can be seen as an uncanny combination of grotesque and comely. In the form illustrated here, he has a beautiful voluptuous body and strong cheekbones, but on the other hand has putrid gums, fiery eyes, and feet like a rooster's (A distinct trait of the Shedim.) If you believe that him being a demon of lust means that he is a fornicator you'd be half-right, he has a tendency to lust over singular women at a time, haunting them and murdering any who attempt to date or marry them. In a particularly infamous case a woman named Sara had her seven husbands strangled by the lustful Shedim and it was up to a young man named Tobias and the Archangel Raphael to shoo him from her. In the end the solution turned out to be the scent of the smoked heart and liver of a giant fish. He also had a few run ins with King Solomon, who was able to bind him with a sigil ring and chains and use his power for good. Unfortunately he was, in spite of his wisdom, tricked by Asmodeus to release him. Asmodeus swallowed Solomon's ring (represented in this illustration by the Star of David-like Sigil of Solomon being on the choker around his throat) and put one wing towards the earth and the other towards heaven and flung himself at incredible speed abandoning Solomon to beg in the middle of the desert. He then stole King Solomon's throne by shape shifting into him and took advantage of his power how you'd expect a demon of lust to, the local rabbis were suspicious however and working with his staff realized that he always kept his feet covered by stockings. Apparently Asmodeus' shapeshifting abilities did not extend to his chicken-like feet and he was quickly found out and the true King Solomon was returned to the throne. So that's his past, but what is he up to these days? After having his plans foiled for the umpteenth time, he set his sites on someone more "local" to hell. Lilith is known for being one of Hell's greatest and most beautiful demons, but while she still works her seduction magic on humans to lead them astray, among demons she is taken. She is actually in a wonderfully loving polycule with Lucifer and Samael but Asmodeus wants her for himself. Luckly for the lovers and unfortunately for Asmodeus, Lilith, Lucifer, and Samael usurp Asmodeus in power individually, and together they could overthrow him if they needed to. Asmodeus is eternally chasing someone who he has no hope of being in a relationship with, so this leaves humanity mostly safe from his temptations but do not underestimate a King of Hell and remember that the Archangel Raphael can be called upon to bind him. This has been the story of Asmodeus.

(If you read to the end, please consider giving me constructive criticism. This is the first in my "Goofy Grimoires" series of tongue and cheek demon stories. The beautiful love story of Lilith, Lucifer, and Samael will be expanded upon later.)

[makutamewtwo]

My personal experience with Paul Reubens

I met Paul Reubens at a con a few years back and I had a very good experience. After waiting in line for a long time, sweating my ass off in my Yoshikage Kira cosplay, I knew it was fine, I kept telling myself I'm going to meet Pee-Wee Herman himself. Pee-Wee had always been a relatable character to me since I was a young, weird neurodivergent.

I finally got to approach Mr. Reubens after waiting, he was wearing a purple suit like the one I was wearing for my cosplay (though clearly more expensive) and he quickly took notice. Without missing a beat he said "Looks like you got the memo, huh?" and not only signed an autograph for me but offered to take a free picture in our matching suits, his high fashion, mine Party City. He did all this without holding up the line, it was one of the most amazing con experiences I've ever had. Pee-Wee means a lot to me and I'm grieving at the loss of this incredible actor. Godspeed Mr. Reubens.