mandyfanfictionmcu - Tumblr blog

mandyfanfictionmcu · 8 years ago

Text

Who I Am (pt 1)

A WinterWitch Fanfiction

A/N: This is my first fanfiction I’m posting on tumblr. Feedback is very much appreciated. This will be a severall-part-story. This is just something I’ m writing for the fun of it. Hope you enjoy! Love, Amanda

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Bucky Barnes (eventually)

Warnings: self-hatred, self-blame, a fue curse words?

Words: 2517

Who I Am (part 1)

Confined to the compound

Wanda’s PoV

The television seemed to only hum silently, so distracted was she. Granted, it was nice, being alone. It was a relaxing change too be able to enjoy the silence, even if the tv was on, and not have everybody’s minds hammering at her own. It wasn’t like she read everybody’s mind whether she wanted to or not, she did not always hear a steady flow of thought as if the people in the room were speaking them out loud, but she could always sense them. The kind of way you can sense a hand placed inches from your back even though you can’t see it. She could always read their energy, whether they were sad or angry or happy or annoyed, but she couldn’t tell if they were annoyed at her until she dug into their minds, and she couldn’t decide if that was good or bad. On the one hand she could now ignore their annoyance and try to convince herself that it wasn’t directed at her, but all the same, it was terrible to have to always feel everybody’s feelings hand debate internally whether or not they were for her or something else and wonder if she dared peak into their minds, afraid of finding that it was indeed her they were annoyed at.

But today she was all alone in the Avengers compound. Apart from Vision. But Vision’s thought and feeling, with him not exactly being human and all, were always steady. For some reason he didn’t have the same tendency to spike in anger or suddenly become severely depressed as the others did. Their feeling was like jabs from out of nowhere at her consciousness, but Visions flowed. Although he could become angry, it wasn’t at all the same. His feelings were more like shadows or echoes, and that made it so much more pleasant for her to be around him.

As of today, however, Wanda wasn’t sure she wanted to ever be around Vision again. His words as he attempted to cook her dinner still rang inside her head like a horrible bell.

“Not yours”

No, not for her safety. Not for her safety was she stuck here at the compound. She had suspected that Tony had ordered Vision to keep her here. And she had been right. But it had not been, as she had come to think, and oddly come to terms with, to protect her.

When Vision had volunteered to go to the store to get more toilet paper (it had run out) she had realized that she had been right, Tony didn’t want her to leave. Vision never went anywhere. Sam would go on toilet-paper-runs sooner that Vision! Vision (and all the other avengers) had understood pretty soon that Visions appearance might disturb toilet-paper-shoppers and therefor he hardly ever left the compound. He couldn’t exactly pass as a normal pedestrian. But this morning he had left, and Wanda had realized that she was indeed on look-down.

So, naturally, first she had been angry. Did they think she couldn’t take care of herself? She realized however that in the event that she needed to “take care of herself” she might cause even more of a problem for herself. As the news reporter had stated this afternoon:

”...many seem to be angry at Wanda Maximoff herself for her interference in Lagos”...”

It hurt of course. And she was still bout angry and disgusted at herself for what had happened. It was her fault. All of it. That Steve and Tony were fighting and the Socovia Accords. Even if Natasha had sat down before she left for Vienna and told her that the UN would have come up with the Accords sooner or later and that they either way had probably been talking about them and planning them for ages, Wanda couldn’t help but blame herself.

So, it would have come as no surprise to her if she had been attacked for her actions in Lagos while out toilet-paper-shopping by someone who blamed her just as much as she blamed herself. And because she had already realized this she had told herself that Tony had looked her in the compound for this reason, to protect her from said fictional attacker and to prevent the government or the media from blaming her further if she was forced to use her magic in self-defense.

Now however... She had a hard time explaining even to herself how hurt she was. Vision had said that he â€œwanted people to see her the way he did but what he had said before that made his statement confusing. How did he see her? As a monster that didn’t have control of her own powers? As an even worse monster because he believed she didn’t care?

She had heard of course what Secretary Ross had said too:

”If I miss placed a couple of dirty megaton nukes you can bet there would be consequences.”

And she had agreed with him, but it had still hurt. Because he hadn’t been talking about weapons, he had been talking about human beings. But apparently that was the same thing in his eyes. And that was what she was, a weapon. So did Vision simply mean that she had adjusted to being a weapon so well and that he saw her as strong for dealing with her terrible powers?

In that case, she didn.t know if she wanted to be strong. She wanted to be a human being. She clung to the words Sam had shouted during his hour-long argument with Rodey:

”...we’re human being not weapons!”

She ran the words through her mind again, trying to find some comfort in them. Even if she wasn’t particularly close with Sam she had always liked him. He had a fun sense of humor and even if he was afraid of her powers he didnâ€™t pip toe around her and treat her differently for it.

Turning the volume of the tv up higher, trying to block her own thought from her head, she jerked around as a fireball erupted outside of her window. Running to the window she stopped right in front of it as Vision came gliding up out of the floor.

“What is is?” she asked.

“Stay here please.” Vision responded.

Her thought ran wild inside her head. Vision glided out through the wall and of to check on the source of the explosion. Had they come for her?

A motion, a therein of thought sneaking up behind her.

She summoned her energy and spun around, launching the knife that lay on the table at the man in the doorway. It stopped and hovered right in front of his face before he lifted a hand and nocked it sideways. She let go of the energy and the knife fell to the floor as she realized who it was.

“I guess I should have knocked.” Said Clint with a tiny crocked smile on his face.

“Oh my god,” Wanda vispered, then raising her voice said “What are you doing here?”

”Disappointing my kids.” Clint walked forward, and for reasons best known to him shoot two seemingly useless arrows that fasted themselves on opposite sides of the room. “We were supposed to go waterskiing. Cap needs our help, come on.” He grabbed her hand and lead her towards the door.

They made it half way to the door before Visions voice rang out behind them, shilling Wanda’s bones to their core. She didn’t want this to become a fight.

“Clint. You should not be here.”

Turning around slowly Clint raised an eyebrow.

“Really? I retire for like what, five minutes, and it all goes to shit.”

”Please consider the consequences of your actions.”

“Okay, they’re considered.”

Suddenly, as Vision pasted between them, electricity shoot from the base of the arrows and Vision couldn’t move.

“Okay, we got to go.” Clint said, seeming both terrified and surprised that his plan had worked. He turned around, jogging towards the door. But Wanda didn’t move. She was fingering her shirtsleeves and looking down.

It was her fault. All of this. And now Vision was hurt to. And Clint, Clint who should have been waterskiing with his kids was being dragged into this mess to, all because she couldn’t control her powers. And whatever Cap needed her help with it would most likely involve using her power and then she’d mess that up to and they’d get in even more trouble and by the looks of it he had pissed of a lot of important people and if she helped him she would to and honestly she was scared of important people and yeah, of course she didn’t like them they hadn’t helped her or her brother when they had needed them and they had used her and turned her into what she was and most likely she would soon be too much of a problem to be kept alive and all of this ran through her head as Clint realized she wasn’t following him.

“It’s this way.” He said, pointing at the door.

She couldn’t sort out her thoughts. She wanted to scream out all the things she had been thinking, that Ross thought of her as merely a weapon and that in the eyes of no one was she a human being anymore and she didn’t want to fight, she had lost her brother to a fight that had been her fault and come to think of it Sacovia in general had been her fault cause she had let Stark take the septer and if she had just done what see was supposed to have done Ultron and Socovia would never have happened and if she had just conformed to being Hydras little weapon Pietro wouldn’t have died and maybe she should just sign the Accords and let people use her because she just messed thing up anyway.

But the only way she could word this at the moment was by saying:

“I’ve caused enough problems.”

Clint sighed, and she felt, like she always felt, the change in his emotions as his mind reacted to his words. As he ran over to her she tried to understand what they meant. Pity? Anger? Annoyance? Did he think she was supposed to surrender? Come quietly? Do as he said but not as anyone else said? Did he want her to think for herself or blindly follow? Did he want her, think she could, forget about what she’d done? What he just going to tell her like Steve did that it wasn’t her fault? That she shouldn’t blame herself?

But he didn’t say that, instead he said something that made her feel, for the first time in a long time, stronger.

“You gotta help me, Wanda. Look, you wanna mope, you can go to high school. You wanna make amends, you get of your ass.”

She could read the rest in his emotions. I’m not going to tell you it isn’t your fault because it partly is. But I’m not going to let you sit her and wallow in it. I’m going to make you get up and fight.

“Shit.” Clint’s emotions changed from a rallying confidence to panic in a heartbeat. It was like having a knife stabbed through her mind, especially as she had been reading him.

Behind her Vision broke free of the electric restraint and ran at Clint. He fired an arrow that went straight through Vision who a spit second became solid and slammed him in the chest, making him roll across the floor. The fight that followed was over fast. Wanda barely had time to get it through her head and make a decision of what she wanted to do and who she wanted to listen to before Vision had Clint with his back to him, his arms around his throat.

“Clint, you can’t overpower me.”

“I know I can”t. But she can.”

He shoot her a look, and wondered if he knew what battles had been raging in her head just a moment ago. But she had made up her mind as they fought, and however much she just wanted things to go back to the way they had been five days ago and wanted her friends to get along she wasn’t going to be anyone’s weapon. She was going to be a human being, and made amends for what she had messed up. And Vision wasn’t going to stop her.

The energy came easily to her hands when she called for it. Realizing what Clint had said Vision turned his head to look at her but she shut his feelings out of her mind and put every owns of energy she had into the conviction that she would make amends for her mistakes.

”Vision, that’s enough. Let him go. I’m leaving.”

“I can’t let you.”

But she was overpowering him, and Clint slipped through his arms as Visions knees buckled.

“I’m sorry.” She vispered, but she had made up her mind.

“If you do this they will never stop being afraid of you.”

There it was again. “They are afraid of you”. But this time, she had her answer ready.

”I can’t control their fear, only my own.”

Summoning all the anger she had felt today she pushed the energy, taking Vision with it, through the floor. She didn’t stop until the energy almost drained her. She couldn’t even see Vision anymore.

”Uh...” Clint seemed to almost not believe his eyes and she worried for a second that he wouldn’t want her to come along anymore, until he nudged her arm and continued, “Come on. We got one more stop.”

He turned and walked towards the door again. After being frozen on the spot for a moment she hurried after him. Panting she asked:

”One more stop?”

“Yeah, Sam wants us to pick up this guy in San Francisco.”

San Francisco?

”That’s like 40 hours!”

“We aren’t driving.” Clint laughed.

With Wanda trailing after him, jogging slightly to keep up, Clint lead the way down to the garage and order her aboard a jet. A little ashamed of herself for not realizing that this would of course be their means of travel she fastened her seatbelt and stared out of the window.

Vision had been her friend, and she had most definitely hurt him.

“Wanda.” Clint was looking at her. And she could sense by his mental state what he wanted to say to her.

No, she though. Please.

“I’m going to get some sleep.” She said, closing her eyes.

Clint didn’t say anything, but she could feel his thoughts as if they were vispers coming from behind a glass wall. They felt the way they always felt when someone was about to tell her all the things a nineteen-year-old should be doing, instead of battling the world. But she didn’t want to hear it. Because honestly, even if she had the chance to be normal, she wasn’t sure she even knew who she wished she could be anymore.

18 notes · View notes