mangopendragon679

[mangopendragon679]

I often find myself fantasizing about things I swear I do not desire.

Last night I had a dream that has been eating at me.

I -or whichever character I was portraying in my dream- had a husband, a loving one at that.

They seemed to truly adore each other with a burning passion.

The problem here is that I would rather do terrible things to myself than allow someone to invade my personal space and take up my time. I do not desire romance.

But I do.

I sometimes catch myself craving the warmth that one human skin can provide. Not in an erotic way, I wish to be held, I wish to be kissed. I want to feel another's passion.

But I don't.

I have been so close, I have adored others with a passion that cannot be described as anything else but love, yet just the thought of having to share my time and space with them is icky and uncomfortable, regardless of all my other feelings.

I might be sabotaging myself, maybe I'm being stubborn by not allowing myself to be in a relationship but I do not think it's fair to the other person.

I like to disappear and not explain where I've been, I like to be able to ignore everyone and be all alone, sometimes for weeks, months, hell, I've even disappeared for over a year. That's not fair. I believe a lover deserves an explanation, so a lover is not what I want.

I thought maybe friends.

But friends cannot provide what I crave, it will damage our relationship.

Maybe I'm destined to long for something I know I am unable of maintaining.

[mangopendragon679]

my misery and overwhelming desire to feel seen has brought me back to this god forsaken app

[mangopendragon679]

dead tired or just dead amirite fellas

[mangopendragon679]

At times I feel like I could swallow the world and other times just the thought of it is enough to make me gag

[mangopendragon679]

Nevermind, I filled the bottle.

Nobody else has touched it.

I'm experiencing a mild amount of pain on the left side of my stomach I think I read somewhere that it means you need to drink water

[mangopendragon679]

My water tastes like bleach. Is someone trying to poison me?

I'm experiencing a mild amount of pain on the left side of my stomach I think I read somewhere that it means you need to drink water

[mangopendragon679]

I'm experiencing a mild amount of pain on the left side of my stomach I think I read somewhere that it means you need to drink water

[mangopendragon679]

I forgot to update: it did nothing

I'll be drinking an energy drink. I am a very low energy person, maybe this'll make me regular.

I'll come back and document my results.

[mangopendragon679]

I'll be drinking an energy drink. I am a very low energy person, maybe this'll make me regular.

I'll come back and document my results.

[mangopendragon679]

There's people who call their partner "bubba" unironically???

[mangopendragon679]

Netflix and chill? More like just Netflix. No sex, no kissing, no cuddling, no other person. Please leave I want to rewatch Princess Mononoke.

[mangopendragon679]

Whenever I feel like im choking on a sob and my eyes are watering I gag and that usually stops me from crying 👍🏽

[mangopendragon679]

It looks like a mugshot as expected

Im taking my passport photo tomorrow, future me : how do we look?

[mangopendragon679]

I woke up with two goddamn pimples on my face.

Sometimes I wonder if life is even worth living if I have to bear such agony.

I want to commit a crime against humanity for everytime the one above has left me in the dark, but deep within I'm aware that humanity is not responsible for my misfortune.

What have I done to deserve such pain?

Why can't anything ever go my way?

Just once, just one time I want to know what if feels like to have things run smoothly, like water running through a river, like sand falling through your hands as you calmly sit on a beach, admiring the view as you sunbathe, carefree.

Just once I want to be happy.

Im taking my passport photo tomorrow, future me : how do we look?

[mangopendragon679]

Im taking my passport photo tomorrow, future me : how do we look?

[mangopendragon679]

Nvm it drained

I'm doing laundry rn and the fabric softener isn't draining I'm kinda scared what if I did something wrong and I broke the washing machine

[mangopendragon679]

I'm doing laundry rn and the fabric softener isn't draining I'm kinda scared what if I did something wrong and I broke the washing machine