manicmadhattor

[manicmadhattor]

I can't be a CNA (certified nursing assistant) anymore because of my past that I'm trying so hard every day to leave behind me, ain't that the bee's knees as well as the cat's pajamas y'all? 🙃💔😭

I'm inconsolable. I got a job offer which seemed very promising - nursing director said she wanted me on the team, great pay, her son's in recovery like me - aaannnddd the fucking background check fucked me majorly.

So much for trying to rebuild my life.

I pretty much am only talking to myself here, but if anyone has advice, I'd be grateful. Thanks.

[manicmadhattor]

No.

"Are we great yet?"

Spotted in Albany, Oregon

[manicmadhattor]

[manicmadhattor]

i'm insane but i'm also useless

[manicmadhattor]

my hobby is overestimating my importance in people's lives and getting disappointed when I find out that I truly am insignificant to them

[manicmadhattor]

[manicmadhattor]

I had to go home from work early because I had this episode where I was having what seemed like a panic attack mixed with some auditory hallucinations, which I do experience with being schizoaffective. I am so mad at myself even though I couldn't exactly help it. I feel so a failure every time I have an episode.

[manicmadhattor]

I'm sorry if I'm difficult to deal with. I don't know how to deal with myself either.

[manicmadhattor]

Can I have more pills please so I don't have to think anymore?

[manicmadhattor]

Most of the time even I can’t stand myself tbh

[manicmadhattor]

The music needs to be louder than the voices

[manicmadhattor]

fyi things like insulin, hearing aids, wheelchairs, glasses costing money at all is a form of structural ableism

[manicmadhattor]

coming out of my cage and i been doing just bad. going back in my cage because i like my cage

[manicmadhattor]

I just wanted to feel like I was worth something

[manicmadhattor]

[manicmadhattor]

I don’t want to kill myself I just want to disappear forever, please

[manicmadhattor]

something about me isn’t right.