mattydemise

[mattydemise]

pro deo et patria

[mattydemise]

Falling asleep with my head on your chest would fix me.

[mattydemise]

pro deo et patria

[mattydemise]

pro deo et patria

[mattydemise]

invictus maneo

[mattydemise]

Destruction. That's all there is.

It's cyclical.

The mere act of creating is to destroy, the changing of forms, and thus the destruction of something.

We are all exterminators. I don't think we've ever truly known peace. Even prior to standing upright, we were hairy, territorial beasts. Now we mark our territory with made up borders and lines on maps. For what? National identity? What a load of bullshit. There's no such thing as national identity. Just pissing matches and dick measuring contests between supposedly intelligent apes.

I don't believe we're intelligent at all. We think we're intelligent because we've developed microchips and capacitive touchscreens, and constructed skyscrapers that defy nature, conforming to gravity and pressure. What a fucking joke. It changes nothing. There is no achievement in any of it. Eventually the sands of time claims it all. From the earth it all comes, and so to the earth it all shall return.

It's alleged that 1,800 people are murdered every day. 1,800 lives are taken by choice. 1,800 souls sent packing on the midnight meat train. Over half a million people a year. Cut down and rendered into ash or fertiliser. And that's just murder. How many people are killed in fucking war?

We're kidding ourselves if we believe it can be better, or some sort of global harmony or utopia) can be reached. We can't even decide what's for fucking dinner, let alone issues of geopolitics and international relations. We are apes. That's all we are and we deign to play god, we deign to fuck with the natural world with no care or consideration. We overgovern, overpolice, and render life unbearable under these conditions of coercion and control.

It's all about control. Merely delaying the inevitable, denying the truth. We just want to fight and fuck until oblivion or the end of days, whatever comes first.

[mattydemise]

pro deo et patria

[mattydemise]

pro deo et patria

[mattydemise]

pro deo et patria

[mattydemise]

Did you forget what it feels like to connect? Silly, boy. You didn't forget. It's latent, integral to the experience. But it's easy to see how it wavers and becomes miragelike in your mind. You exist as this raw, thrumming muscle. A figure of strength. The quiet and solitary existence when you're no longer chasing, and just living for the air in your lungs. It's so easy to forget what it's like to just...exist in that same space as another, and how wrong it feels to have ever lived another way. For all the solitude, for all those deep moments of introspection, the second you converse with meaning it all rushes back to you, like the Great Flood drowning the world and everything on it save for the Ark. Everything comes back in the end. The cyclical nature of human experience isn't lost on me. We exist on this flat circle of spacetime. Everything comes back eventually, everything.

[mattydemise]

Grey sweatpants season is only just beginning

[mattydemise]

invictus maneo

[mattydemise]

The only thing I fear are the limits I subconsciously put on myself. Those little hidden hands within our own mind that drag us down. Well, I believe it’s about existing in spite of those ghosts that pull at us and try to drown us in the primordial soup of our own consciousness. I sever those fucks and watch as they sink back down, leaving a spreading shadow of blood and gore in the murky waters.

[mattydemise]

invictus maneo

[mattydemise]

Peace, Defended by Arms, Ludwig Manzel, 1904.

[mattydemise]

pro deo et patria

[mattydemise]

pro deo et patria