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I Wanted to Win (I still do)

I wanted to be the winner A winning and successful narrative! Seeking: Acceptance. Rejecting: Vulnerability. Under my control.  I want to conquer my pain Take a flag, rise and yell “Be done with you, Demons!” 

Letting-Go of an old narrative:  There IS resolution. There IS finality.  Well, life has other plans. 

It keeps moving.  The story we tell ourselves today  Evolves into the story we tell ourselves tomorrow I cannot seem to hold on.

Winning is not being handed a gold medal but shown as a small gem found deep in the jungle. 

[mdela-blog]

On Overcoming Fears

I remember myself last year, someone who was interested in the dharma life. The transient, unorthodox life of living in spiritual community. In harmony with nature and spiritual living, antithetical to the modern lifestyle. 

I remember the feeling of deciding to buy my one-way ticket to California, to the “Buddha Belt” we call it. I remember the feeling of dropping everything forcing my self to take only what was needed, including my plans for what I thought would make a secure, comfortable life. 

In this way, it was different than my previous excursions into dharma life such as Shambala Mountain Center and Goenka Retreat centers, because this time I didn’t have a life to come back to. And by not having a planned future, my identity started to crumble.

This is a Sensitive Plant ^ Literally. Look it up. Trust me =) 

One thing you need to know about me is that I feel deeply.

I am a sensitive being.

I remember the emotional hurdle it took to make the choice to leave. I remember the intense blowback that happened the day before my flight. Sobbing on the phone with my good friend, Chris, fearing my ridiculous decision to drop everything and bum around in California.

I have never faced fear so directly and so intensely than the time I broke down in front of Chris and then held that pain until I saw the California sunset. It was that point in which I had to learn to surrender to a deeper truth. 

I stepped into fully feeling my fear while simultaneously not letting it control my next moves. Keeping our fears in front of us, in our conscious awareness, takes courage. To know that the fear I am feeling is an impermanent, fleeting emotion requires courage. To know that this fear is a product of past conditioning takes courage. To step through this deeply contracted place, allowing space for growth to occur, takes courage.  The only way out is through.  

[mdela-blog]

Hello friends and family!

This is the first update along my living-the-dharma adventure. It' been a wild ride into what I'm deeming the "31 flavours of dharma" - I'm really happy to offer you a window into my current life. It's hard to believe its been just a little over one month. I've visited/lived in five dharma centres, bathed in the rich forests of northern California with Ms. Alexa Nash, and witnessed the growing yearnings for community while visiting a kindred soul in Chico, California. It's been both painfully and deliciously rich and I am here to share with you all of the flavours I've picked up along the way. As well as my hummus recipe and some pictures! It's a long message, but I've poured my heart into it so I hope you will sit back, grab yourself a glass and enjoy the ride.

I would like to lay down some of my intentions with these updates:

My plan is to update you all once a month (give or take). I plan on sharing experiences, learnings, and updates of my current whereabouts. One aim I have is to educate you of the meditation communities I have visited in order to equip you with some knowledge if you so decide to seek out the wisdom path. Moreover, I am experimenting with how to share these experiences and am curious how these will unfold and develop. I also want to make it clear also that I hope these updates will provoke you, my dear friend, for feedback and more importantly how the journey is treating you.

An exchange. Also, if you want me to remove you from this list just ask!

On my mind is the 10-day Vipassana retreat in Kelseyville, California I left yesterday. Currently, I am staked out at a coffee shop, Lulu Carpenter, in the surf city of Santa Cruz for two days before my adventure (next stop: Vadjrapani Institute, a Tibetan Buddhist retreat center in a redwood grove north of Santa Cruz) I had the opportunity of serving nearly 100 meditators at a Goenka Tradition Vipassana retreat. I was thrown in with ten wonderful vagabonds and over 10 days created Metta imbued breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the hungry retreatants. We worked our booty-chittas off. I found little free time, little solitude amongst the craziness. I found this intimate environment very intimidating and hard to adapt to. Yet, over time I found an inner strength that I could find in our scheduled one hour three times a day sits.

The kitchen crew. "Mettaaa!"

We cooked tofu steaks, chilli, curry, baked banana bread and "metta balls", botched a Thai coconut curry, ate sweet potatoes till we exploded and was fortunate to be called the mad scientist of hummus. They all insisted on the recipe, hehe. I'll include it in the attachment below. It was stressful. It was hard. The intimacy brought out a lot of my fears, my self-judgments, my criticisms. It was a mirror wrought with my own demons. I even met my own mirror: The manager of the kitchen. This was the hardest test yet. Yet, within all of the collective insanity, I developed deep bond I developed for my dharma brothers and sisters and worked through my fears.

Dhamma Manda

Now, I'd like to open up about a recurring experience I hinted upon above: The experience of fear.

Fear is a deeply rooted emotion that can provide us useful information about a dangerous situation or person. Although this emotion protected our ancestors from natural threats, it has become a widespread hinderance for many individuals in western society. The emotion hijacks body and mind in both subtle overt ways causing unnecessary suffering such as worry, doubt and uncertainty. You might know this experience as anxiety or an anxiety attack. What I am describing has been my constant companion for a number of years and slowly I have learned about how to transmute the emotion into a powerful motivator and decision maker to show us where we can grow.

I left Columbia early September in a whirlwind of emotion. I had just finished a 20-day meditation retreat and had just made a radical life decision. I wrote a few weeks later in my travel journal about this experience:

Connecting with Chico (California) has allowed me to connect with my fears, connect with my hopes, connect with my frustrations, connect with friends, connect with community. I see a stronger, more detached, emotionally resilient Louie. I should tell you though: Detachment does not mean numbing or passive, in fact, it is quite the opposite. Detachment is letting yourself fully feel, fully be in the moment and allow yourself to surrender to whatever comes up. Even if it means to stare at loneliness or fear in the face and from the bottom of the heart and say " I don't know." To weep deeply to a friend and admit how every breath is breathing in fear, every direction feels a primordial fear. To let oneself fully be there, and say, "hey, fear, I love you, but I don't need you right now." What I needed at that time was to find the courage and strength to move from the place which has spoken to me in the deepest of silences. California is the manifestation of that inner strength, inner resilience.

I am here today to tell you, that no matter what fear says, it does not define you. That fear is valid but it is not truth. It is a voice that speaks the language of a previous conditioning that no longer serves you.  To say thank you to your fears, but, as my father puts, do not let the drive the fear, the fear does not drive you. I see it as a passenger of a bus that I am in control of. I may not be in control of when fear arises, but I can shift my relationship with it. "Sure fear, you can take the front row, but take note! I am driving the bus."

This is one of the most important lessons I have learned from meditation.

Thoughts, emotions, these are just passing experiences we can either run away from (aversion) or want to hold (cling) to. If we can learn not to react but to just be aware of these experiences, slowly we can bring the fear from the driver's seat to the passenger seat. This passenger is a part of you, a part of me, but they serve a self that does not have your best interests in mind.

This is the essence of mindfulness: relating to our experiences from a place of awareness instead of a place of reaction and judgement.

As I developed the practice of coming from a place of awareness I learned how to quiet the mind and let silence speak. I learned to trust and listen to this place of stillness and see fear, excitement, boredom as just the passing show. This, to me, is the place of god, the place of the mystic, the space of no space, hehe. (had to get a little mystical, ya know).

Mahasi Sayadaw Vipassana 20-day meditation retreat, Springfield Illinois. The retreat that catalyzed my trip to California.

You may ask "okay Louie, I hear you and that all sounds good and fun, but how can I put this into practice." Well, as I spoke before: mindfulness meditation is key. Heres another one that stands out to me:

Dhutanga: The practices which are hard to do

I had the great opportunity of visiting Abhayagiri Thai Forest Monastery in Ukai, California in which I stumbled on the words of Ajahn Chah, a highly influential teacher of the Thai Forest tradition. He spoke of the practice of Dhutanga as "the practices which are hard to do." Ajahn describes the practice in his dhamma talk In the Dead of Night which he describes his practices of meditating in cemeteries near dead-bodies to see the truth within this fear of death.

''If it's time for it to die then let it die. If my mind is going to be so stubborn and stupid then let it die''... that's how I thought to myself. Actually in my heart I didn't really want to go but I forced myself to. When it comes to things like this, if you wait till everything's just right you'll end up never going. When would you ever train yourself? So I just went."

Ajahn Chah

Was it the

right

time to go to California? Who knows. Was I looking forward to serving 10 hours a day in a kitchen with a bunch of strangers? Hell no. I was freaking out, man. Yet, I knew that this fear was a signpost, a signpost telling me to lean in and listen to what I fear the most. I am so grateful for these inner tools of meditation and yoga. Practices that can cultivate an inner fountain of stability and strength no matter how intense the storm. Even beyond formal meditation, we can lean closer and reside in what scares us. This is the juice, the nectar, the good stuff. Slowly those fears turn into our signposts that can help point us towards what we really want in life. This is the transmutation.

This to me is why I left for California. Because although fear clouds the heart, the mind, it is not me.

That inner calling, no matter how quiet or how much its pushed down, is your calling, screaming for freedom, screaming for peace, screaming for you to find you. Even if that means facing the darkest, scariest parts of you. It is there waiting.Pick up the phone and find your California, love.

So, my dear friend, I challenge you to develop your Dhutangha.. Listen closely and remember the words of the wise little Thai man: "Wherever you are afraid you should go."

Aaannndd I digress. Whew!

If you have made it this far:

YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING!

If any of this resonated with you please let me know. If you have any feedback, whether it be my writing style or content, or if you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask =) And because this is an exchange,

let me know how you are doing!

I miss all of you and hold all of you close in my heart.

[mdela-blog]

Long overdue reflections

I want to reflect on what I said to you about my travels. Remember that I said that I spent much of my time traveling through my ego, my ideal, to check countries off my bucket list. I would like to tell you that this was definitely not my only intention, but is what is what fed my motivation, the idea of self-sacrifice for a higher purpose. That is, I felt an inner pull, what Joseph Campbell describes as the call to awakening. When I bought that ticket to Iceland, I was moved by a knowledge of a greater purpose within myself, a desire to see the world, its beauty, learn and grow from it. I idealized traveling; the adventurer, bold and daring, navigating through unknown territory, reemerging a greater, self-realized person. I saw myself stepping into this role which was defined through readings from Thoreau, in stories like Christopher McCandless in Into the Wild, and from friends who reveled in their extravagant stories from peace corps, from Europe and beyond. I can't quite put a finger on why I started traveling; there are many pieces to the puzzle, yet I had a yearn to break free from the known, the comfortable, the stable. So I dived. I dived head first into Iceland; a one way ticket, and an excuse that pleased the family - studying abroad in Rimini, Italy studying Conflict Resolution (side note: I was genuinely interested in conflict resolution, but I yearned something greater). And so I did it. I traveled. I learned what it meant to travel. To break free from society and adopt a new lifestyle. A lifestyle with my own rules and values in equilibrium with my path and my ideal. That's a lot of "my." Therein lies the problem. I will get to that later. Yet, this path I had carved, one of simplicity of living ones truth, was how I lived. Day to day living, unsure of where I would sleep, uncertain of what I would eat. Routine was nonessential, uncertainty abundant. There was a lure to this simplicity, and it was something I had carved out in life back at home. I was taught by my father to consume only the practical, buying what I needed, not what I wanted. And while I traveled it became a game I played - how cheap can I travel? Is this essential? Living off of the kindness of natives, sleeping in hostels and grassy foliage, and work in exchange for food became my means. I believe this kind of living, placing less value on the material, leaves space for opening up to life's greater opportunities. By sleeping in hostels, I connected to backpackers throughout the world, by eating more simply, I felt more nourished and connected to what I was putting into my body. I was able to hone a lifestyle that was much more intimate then the one I had developed in the midwest. Everything I needed was right there in front of me; my backpack, a good book, some veggies, and good people. As my California friend put it, we are "ungoogling" ourselves. And while traveling offers a path of self-development traveling also gives us a great opportunity to look within ourselves. With traveling we are taken out of our comfort zones, and are unable to hide behind the walls we create within our selves. These walls, created to protect us from our fears, are immediately shattered upon traveling as we are forced to experience difference. Two weeks into traveling, I had one of my walls shattered. After excusing myself from dinner with my study abroad class, I found myself in an Italian bathroom, my world spinning around, unable to get a grip on reality. Looking back on to this experience, I realize I was experiencing what it truly meant to be in the grips of fear. I was having a panic attack. The first inner test of traveling. An opportunity to grow, to rise to the occasion. And there were many more opportunities along the way, opportunities to face these fears and to grow from them.

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Reflections from a worldly journey

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The Former Yugoslavia v.1

After leaving hungary with my father we found ourselves in the capital of Croatia, Zagreb at a hostel very close to the center. This was an interesting change from traveling five months independently to sleeping in youth hostels with my father. Nonetheless, I am grateful for the opportunity to travel, granted by my father and mother. We only spent one day in Zagreb, however this day was filled with military exercises in the plaza, as I got a “I’m going to kill you look” from a guard as I marched behind the machine. Elsewhere a man blasts classical opera as a crowd gathers to watch him passionately dance with a construction caterpillar. Strange people, the Croatians. Yet, things like this push me to travel the world. I don’t know any Missourian who would have the balls to to pursue machine ballet. Yet, for the rest of my Croatian experience I saw a different side then my expectations from my first impressions. The beautiful Plitvice lakes, the sunsets of the islands of korčula and Hvar, and the incredible town of Dubrovnik filled my mind with such inspiration that rarely is put into good words. If you read this Kaitlin Wilson then you must travel and see the things I see, for their is such vast beauty in the world that your hand, pen, and eyes must perceive. I am happy to have the opportunity to continue my travels in the Balkans. I am also happy to have started my post yugoslovia travels in Croatia. This country is well supplied by the EU, a developed modernized country equipped for the excessive amount of tourism. This will be a great comparison to the other countries of post Yugoslavia as my assumption holds (in Bosnia now) that out of all of these Balkan countries Croatia is the best off economically speaking. I will be able to see first hand The different levels of modernization. For instance, Bosnias per capita GDP is 6,000$, very low in comparison to western europe. It will be interesting to see bosnias political and economic struggles to match pressure from western Europe..

[mdela-blog]

To Budapest!

Well, my friends. We meet again. This time you find me in Vienna, Austria enjoying the sunny morning with a famous vienesse cup of coffee. I can only think, "where is the turkish coffee?" Let me explain how I ended up in the Hapsburg capital enjoying the posh life. Last time I left you, I believe I was either in Morocco or wwoofing in Southern Spain. After spending two weeks on the almond farm with Mark and Albania Clark, the two scientist-farmers I started my journey to Budapest via bus visiting Granada, Madrid, Toledo and eventually the beautiful picos de Europa in Northern Spain. My last significant experience in Spain was the hike through these magical Mountains with Manny, an Argentinean, who in just 3 days influenced me more then I have been in years. I met him in the mountains and after spending a night in one of the refuges with him we found a similar mindset. Strong willed, through endurance and perseverance for the beauty and tranquility of nature. Great minds thing a like, but also act alike. 4 days we spent in this peaceful and spiritual place hiking all day for a total of 140km. I felt like a changed man after this, confident and disciplined guided by a stronger force. From the point of me reaching the base of the mountains in Espinama to my epic arrival in Mainz, Germany I managed to hitchhike for a total of 2100km. This was a very crazy, but tiring experience receiving rides from doctors, ambulance drivers, a gay policeman, even a solar panel business owner who was on his way to meet the president of red bull. Seriously. How do you respond to that? I just asked him for a free red bull..simple as that. However one thing all of the people, who helped me to where I am today, all have in common are the fact that they were the most unique, friendly, caring and generous soles I have had the pleasure of meeting. I had finally made it to Germany and met Fabian, my traveling friend whom I met in nice, france. He generously offered me a place to stay in Mainz, and happily showed me the beautiful western Germany. In my journal I write of the first day with great enthusiasm "Next stop: German Festival. My first taste of the German experience. Yet, the taste is not filled with cold delicious beer but of wine. Fabian had brought me to a wine festival overlooking the beautiful city of Bingen a small Rhine river town where he grew up. We arrive around 10pm and order a few bratwursts one with curry sauce and one with cheese. After ordering I turn around to see long tables full of loud germans: this is it! What a great start to germany!" After spending a day working for 50 € clearing brush we use the hard earned cash to take a road trip to Passau, Germany where Fabian dropped me off. The hostel we chose was in a castle overlooking the city and it's 3 conjoining rivers all of different colors. However, you wouldn't expect to be awoken in the morning to a smashed in car at a hostel in a castle... Sorry Fabian!!! Hope you have worked it out...anyways..I left Fabian the following day and managed to hitchhike to vienna relatively fast by a very friendly Romanian, Victor, who has provided me with a place to stay and all the knowledge of Eastern Europe I need to know, for tomorrow I head to Budapest to meet my father and travel with him for 3 weeks in Hungary, Croatia, Montenegro, and Slovenia. Traveling never gets old!!! Love love love!!! P

[mdela-blog]

Marrakech, Morocco

Life can take all sorts of turns. Next thing you know you find yourself sitting on a stoop in some foreign bazaar blending in wearing traditional Islamic contemplating the insanity of Marrakech. A city whose culture has captured my mind. A city where it is impossible not to interact with the locals, strange interactions, that make morocco such a unique place. Starting with a walk-about centering myself around the main, famous plaza, Djeema el Fna, I soon realized a stroll is actually a crazy adventured filled with all sorts of overstimluating surprises - no, not sex...even better! Waking through the eldest bazaars, one is first captivated by the unique colors, the spices in the air, and the crowded fast paced nature of the place. This carnival hosts hundreds of linen shops making beautiful threaded materials, leather stores, spice shops and candy shops that is a home to hundreds of bees zooming over the delicious candy. One cannot take a step into these areas without a man addressing you, YES YOU, "monsieur" "hello" "como estas." The slightest show of interest leads the salesman to bring you futher and further in. Much better then any western salesman I have ever seen! These men have a keen sense of humanity, knowing the ins and outs of personal psychology, basic understanding of the tourist. Who to scout, who to frame, how to speak, when to speak, to a particular type of person - social rank/gender ect..., a great awareness of body language, proxemics, always keeping the social interest high, trying to understand the values of the client, while figuring out the needs as well. All of this is calculated terribly well by these men, for what better way to learn the art of a salesmen by learning the value of persistence that I have come to observe very frequently. Learning the value system is crucial to adapting and understanding the culture. If you would like to have a unique, worthwhile experience all you need is a little trust and openness. I have learned in morocco that understanding the people and the meaning they place on certain aspects of live helped me see things from a completely new perspective. I may post some of my personal experiences of this widening of perspective and trust i placed on certain moroccas. For now, my best advice to you- 1. Find the nearest map. 2. Close your eyes 3. Spin in 3 circles, aware of the map 4.place your finger a foot above the map 5. Randomly drop your finger on the map. 6. Wherever it lands, I'll see you there.

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Wwoofing in Spain

This is my second farm in spain that i have worked on this summer. This time has been a bit different. This farm is near the town of cadiar, in the beautiful sierra nevada overlooking the highest peaks. On the top we see patches of snow at an elevation of 4000 feet above sea level. What a tease! Main differences: I am with a family of 4 Non-organic farmer - uses and supports Herbicide use I have been sick / recovering from diareeah from Spanish 1€ salami for the past few days -Younger generational family - conventional household It's still very very hot. -I am their first wwoofer! The family consisting of 2 parents and 2 kids have gone out of their way to care for me while I recover. I have been recovering strength and energy for the coming week for there is lots to do on the almond farm. Our main project is a long term one, one that will revitalize the soil, for since the Spanish left it after malpractice for 300 or so years the soil is merely a desert. This climate allows certain weeds to multiply like a rampant virus. Mark has used herbicides on one of these plants, the rambla, that is invading the fig trees. It seems as though the issue of using non organic methods is not only a hot issue among local farmers in this area, but also one that I found at the last farm. I find it a bit odd that WWOOF.org hosts this farm when it is not organic, but it's providing lots of useful information into the debate. Do you have a garden? Do you have a view on the use of herbicides/pesticides in our food?

[mdela-blog]

Es salaam alaykum

My response to my professor in response to his question of my travels as tourism or pilgrimage...

First I would like to point out a general bias of tourism. I tend to dissociate from the tourism aspects of traveling, trying to find novelty in experiencing the nomadic life. My aims, I believe are different then those of most, or if they are similar, I try to find nonconventional ways of exploring and understanding. This may head a bit more philosophical, but I think most only see when they travel- they don't experience, immerse, understand and eventually expand/broaden their perceptions and the culture. I think this could be a reason why I doubt the use of tourism could describe my travels.

I think the biggest aspect to my travels is learning to be mindful, accepting, and open to others. For instance, while I type this e mail on the second day in morocco I am in fact wearing a full Islamic traditional outfit, from a Muslim I spent the day with, when I was reading the Koran in Marrakech. He shared some of his own clothing and brought me to a roman bathing house, and then to pray at a mosque. It was a very unique and unforgettable experience which I will talk more of when I write tonight. My point is, I am attempting to understand the world as it is. I want to understand and appreciate all kinds f people, no matter who they are. If this is to be called a pilgrimage then so be it. I am not in search of a place for this is a never ending desire, that has kindled through my travels. I want to believe that through these travels I am more ready to approach the academic side of anthropology and hopefully after school to try some fieldwork ( let's not get ahead of ourselves).

Wwoofing has been a really really good experience as well. It is definitely creating a sense of morals that I once idealized, but never put into practice. The sense of accomplishment, community through reciprocity, a shared lifestyle, are just a few values that I have developed, adapting to the basic life. I sense a stronger interest in my surroundings as well, for I have s stronger, deeper motivation for living, created by this lifestyle.

[mdela-blog]

Thoughts on Venezia

6/11/11 ahh...good old Vencice...such a beautiful place! I highly recommend it to all! Just so much walking...now onto the bus back to Rimini.         We got up at seven this morning, very early for some of us, grabbed some breakfast and hit the road. Knowing my body I fell asleep pretty fast and did not awake till the gas station where we stopped to grab snacks. Lean, a friendly "Irish" student found a 10lb. jar of Nutela for only 40euros! Everything was too expensive, even the digestive crackers.         We get to Venice and are instantly greated by the incredible basalisk church in the San Madrino Plaza. The lion is the patron saint of the church, that reminds me of C.s Lewis´ Narnia. The lion carries a book - if the book is open the city wall was created by a treaty, otherwise it was conqured. Luca tells us this as we walk throught he plaza. The cathedral is on the right, a beautiful cathedral that has a mosque looking staple at the top with statues all around it. the most royal and majestic tower yet. the ottomans or whoever other middle eastern civilization had a lot of influence here, leaving behind some wonderful relics, gems of the city. These plazas are a common theme of big cities. A great way for people to gather, hangout, socialize, meet and greet, locate others, and contain the massive amounts of tourists. I can´t take a bloody picture with out some random person staring off dumbfounded at my camera.

Yes, we are hypocrites haha

        One thing I wonder about these buildings in Venice is how they are built above the water. It seems that the city could just sink! There are waterways all over the city, just as sidewalks. People were kayaking all through them, but most notably the gondolas. We actually went on one but only for a minutes. This ride only took us over the to the othr side of the canal, but at least I can say I have been on a gondola ride =]. I would love to discover Venice, just by kayak! To connect those water sidewalks there were numerous bridges over the waterway. Many times these waterways were very narrow, holding 4-5 story buildings, for those living in the city. Besides the numerous stall of jewerely, specifically glass (capital of glass), most of the area had a very old style. The colorful houses are very tall, narrow, with windows to satisfy each apartment.

VENICE

The most memorable section of houses was the Gestapo. A long time ago in this city the Jews were made to live in a certain part of town, ironworkers who called the area, Jetto, however the dialect swithed to Ghetto. The entrance was made of wooden boards along the canal walkway in a nook that would be incredibly easy to miss if Luca, our guide and teacher, was not there. Inside he showed us the narrow neighborhood of the Jews, old and new ghetto, that again showed the strong motif of the tall, narrow apartments crammed as much as possible. As we continue on to the main square of the ghetto there is a fencing competition among young girls and boys. A grand site! This ghetto, though not a direct reflection of the happenings of WW2, shows another time and place of the labeling and prejudice of my people. Many jews had to have a piece of metal on the outside of their door, 2/3rds up the door to label themselves. A great example of one of the many ways Jews were singled out in the community. I cannot wait to see father in Hungary to see the most devesting of these examples in Poland. It will be comforting to see him once again. Just to hear their voice would be enough.

[mdela-blog]

Trying to find my 2nd hitch after salsomaggorie in central Italy

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Rimini and beyond!

Is it the 18 or the 19th? This is my dilemma as I write to my journal on a train towards la spezia. However this should be the least of my concerns. I am on a 5 hour train ride to cinque terre. I am extremely excited for the five towns. This is the first time of my travels where I have very little plan at all. I need to be in Barcelona by the 27th, and Malaga by the 3rd. Besides this the next two weeks are whatever I make them to be. From the moment I stepped onto the train, every single event or action that I take will directly affect my future possibilities - the adventure is in part 'which door will you choose!'. I have things I can fall back upon, like my willingness to accept any outcome (at least thus far) or position I am in. I will probably sleep outside tonight. That will be verrrryyyy interesting. The two things i am worried about are rain and Mosquitos. I don't think it rains much in the summer along the medditeranean and i have a tarp just in case. I don't know how I will make it, or even where i will make it, but having a sense of adventure makes those questions irrelevant.

2 hours into the train ride I open the window to rid the hot, allergic reaction that is provided free of charge. One of the passangers, an older man is sitting one row in front of me, opposite side. He has a dark grey ponytail, and a well kept goatee. We exchange glances multiple times in the shared time of 2 hours. Mentally noted, he had a look in his eyes of kindness, but also innocence. It seemed to me as though he was a confident man, but was approaching something new to come, thus he felt vulnerable. Between the two hours he went to the bathroom compartment 3 or 4 times. The second time he slows down as he passes me, checking his cell phone. The man looks up shyly and mutters a "ciao." honestly, I could only see him mouth the word, for ciao is very distinguishable. I responded replying in a soft voice as well, "ciao." in this very small exchange I felt as though we had crossed similar paths - a place in our journeys that place vulnerability, trust, and shyness at the front of the intentionality's, or the minds trains of thought. Two hours pass and we stop in bologna. A crowded train station, I decide to stand up and look out the window at the lovely strangers. I do not recall why I looked at the people getting off the train, but as I look over my left shoulder, the man smiles and winks directly at me. At first i think "who me? I didn't talk to you!" there was very limited communication except "ciao." Yet, the next train of thought provided the most confirming look I have ever received. It is as if he wanted to say "don't worry Louie, everything will be alright." he reached into my soul, dug into the depths of my mind and provided meta energy into my faith and confidence in my travels. Thank you wise man, for you have shown me a language without words, a language that provides more affect then any communication can provide. Gratzie mill wise man, may our paths cross once more!

[mdela-blog]

Northern Travels (2)

Note: Unfortunately I have no pictures from this experience. Hopefully my writing can take place the wonderful memories I created among the Iceland Journey:

5/27 – at Sabrina's house couchsurfing – now with one of three renters, Aleix, arriving at 6pm, just like she said.

Made it to Brenna and Neils hostel! God damn I am walking so much! My hips are getting quite the work out ( and my shoulders)..and so is my brain! It is quiet nice! I feel as though I am slowly conditioning it to start thinking and acting upon again, with more creativity, long term recognition, faster processing, and better thinking upon one thing. I think my brain will be at a good place once I get to Rimini, and once done with Rimini, I will be ready to use a different part, a more practical, applied knowledge, in better combination with farming – more creativity, outside the box thinking – gained from the knowledge I picked up from traveling. As if this is a new, enlightened Louie – one who has rekindled the art of life.

                I think that I am coming to better terms with who I am and not who I project to be. I see my self yearning for a good, enjoyable time, conditionally relaxed, but adventurous, excited to be in the present moment.

                Right now I am in the presence of a wonderful Barc Spaniard, Aleix, who has told me great things of Morocco and Spain. He reminds me of the boy in The Alchemist, both traveled for a living, one a Shepard, the other the product of a capitalized pharmaceutical company. One found his path through his desire to see the pyramids and find his treasure, while the other found his path from a year for a new perspective. I can tell Aleix loves it here and am very inspired by his words. Both Aleix and The alchemist are both knowledgeable about their home (ironically both Spain) and both individuals first path was in fact Morocco! Except Aleixe’s next journey wasn’t through the Sahara, but the very opposite, the cold tundra of Iceland! Both are on the journey to search for their personal legend! I can see this! They may take different paths to find this legend but both seek happiness and fulfillment through the art of traveling. They seek a new perspective upon life, creating opportunities of grand adventure along the way. Life is a beautiful, wonderful thing.

                Aleix however is an a muddled situation. The house he lives in is quite the mess. I walk in and it is if everything is pushed onto the corners of every room. Sabrina definitely does not keep this place in order…I wonder if this is reflected in her personality (in hindsight this question is confirmed by the interaction I have with her a few hours later. I wonder how this affects her two children?) ß this question mark lies something I do not do enough – ask questions. Louie , you do not know much, and should question everything, even if you are sure of your position. Embrace the ability, for people love interest in themselves (self-serving animals), and the best way through that is asking questions, you might find out something you did not know before…like Spanish History, places to go around the world, parts of language, keys to a universal language.

[mdela-blog]

Northern Travels (1)

5/25 - More to come soon!!

Morning. I cannot believe I am in Iceland. Unique, yes. Reykjavik reminds me of a large village, with small village houses. 

  This photo taken by my girlfriends cousin, and my good friend, Brenna captures the color of the village houses, influenced by the city height. Yet, your first impression was probably the graffiti. In Iceland, graffiti is actually used to beautify the city. How is this not a grand piece of art work? Craig, I know you would like this :) 

Daily Journal of Iceland - 

Ha. I need to stop spending so much money. Already I can tell this is going to be one hell of an adventure - but with a high cost. Limit yourself to as little coffee as possible. Things are expensive here, Louie. Hopefully Steini, my couchsurfing buddy will have something to offer, Yet i am a little bitch because he is giving me a free place to stay which is so so so kind already! [In retrospect, thank you Steini for the place to stay! You showed me the presidents house, and I flicked him off! and that fire in keflavik! haha! Thank you so much for your hospitality and generosity].

There are many very good looking icelandic girls its crazy. They all wear tight pants, just as in the states, with old style boots and shoes. However, each has an aroma of proud indepedence. I need to do further investigation into the appeal of the Icelandic Woman. A noble pursuit. I would like to make the distinction between the peoples of iceland. THere are many with a light complexion, reminiscent of the Swedish (who are very cool), light hair, light skin, who are very skinny. Other women are stout, with a bigger build, maybe more of northern descent, of the nords, for the first Icelanders were of Nordic descent. I notice these people are very social as well - at least in the Laundromat cafe were I study - they seem to have a sense of comradianship and a sense of well being for others, through the simple communication of trust.

This is me embracing that feeling of comradeship and trust creating a better well being for others along the way - with god or no god. 

[mdela-blog]

The most beautiful place on earth

1/3 - Las Cruces, New Mexico

I just saw one of the most beautiful things. Though I am writing, in the dark. I NEED to describe. As we make our way out of Las Cruces the sun is setting. As we drive to higher elevation we are followed closely by majestic mountains to the right of us. As we complete the elevated drive the chain of mountains, horizontal to the road, line in single file to the east and west of our car. The peaks slowly engulf our highway, and as we look behind us vibrant colors of deeeeep red and yellow and blue explode over the valley of las cruces. 

Looking over Las Cruces. Mountains to the right. 

The shades are of unimaginable-unreproducible quality. Slowly we creap the horizontal peaks and leave behind the sun. As we unfold our new environment, what is past the high walls, are shadows, dark and jagged. Our spectrum changes drastically as we pass over the single range of mountains. Now, our view is of a great tint of blue as the picture shows the higher layer of deep blue, above the yellow. This transition reminds me of my time in Northern New Mexico. The sun set in this area holds so many drastic colors, that bring so much joy into my life. I cannot begin to describe how much I respect these things. 

As we descend down away from the mountains, we head north to Alamogordo, New Mexico. By now it is pitch dark and the white sand dunes have in fact closed for the night. Look forward to next log, I will be describing the beautiful SUNRISE of the White Dunes. 

[mdela-blog]

Young, Inspired.

1/2/11 Finally started writing down my experiences. I have so much to write about. The past few days have been insane. I have spent this time with Adam, eddy and his friends in San Diego. 

Surrounded by massive hills of rock, built from an exuberant amount of time. These massive boulders look as if they could fall at any minute. As I stare from the passenger side of the car these boulders hold an elephant-ish quality to them. Imagine a rust colored, round pebble, flexed into huge eggs of valor.

This is us on the crazy awesome boulders. I love you all =) 

One thing I really enjoyed about this trip was the changing environments of the places we traveled. Each area had such a beautiful transition through the next. Through Arizona we experienced dry mountains to the west, that were shifted into large boulders, as we are in this picture. In the background the creative transition is shown by the less mountainous, but still hilly spectrum. We just got our very own view of driving out of the mountains, in clear view of the flat quality of Arizona. For the next couple of days the barren land of the southwest will dominate our spectrum. 

Here with Adam. He's the fucking shit and I have high hopes of our friendship. He has the drive I have been looking for. We share very similar interests and both show amazing open-natured personalities. We are opportunists looking to deliver our foot print into the metaphysical world. This very world is our destiny in achieving supreme living. This trip is only the first step in the journey, for our lives to come are ones of peace, love and joy. 

great picture from a windy night in como. Adam, whom I speak of is in the blue shirt. Though, it should be noted that everyone in this picture I love with all my heart and would do anything for. I am going to miss the shit out of all of you.