melanierdantz

[melanierdantz]

Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

[melanierdantz]

This was from my journal entry a few days ago....

I am officially 1 week medicine free. No more anxiety meds! With that positivity comes a downside, I will need control those moments I lose my cool on my own. I was faced with one of those moments just recently and needless to say it was not fun. I haven’t felt that way since high school. Honestly, it was such a huge wake up call for me. Not only letting me know that I will need to find some tools that will work for me in those moments, but what it felt like to fall completely apart the way that I did. It had been a while. Don’t get me wrong, I still had some crazy moments while medicated, I guess they were just easier to manage and recognize. Now I am flying blind and it will take some time.

I did get through it. I popped on some music and grabbed my trusty journal and poured my little heart out. Lot’s of tears, my hand started to cramp up, but eventually I came around and started to feel calm. This by no means will be an easy journey for me but I am still so happy to be med free.

I wanted to share this because I am sure there will come a time in the future that I will get cocky and think I have myself all figured out and lose it. It’s the reality of the disease that I have. The difference next time will be me recognizing the physical pain and awareness that comes from the emotional circumstance that I am in. My only goal is to remember to breathe next time and cut the time it takes to come back to myself in half. And maybe shed less tears.....there’s always that....

[melanierdantz]

Doing you.

Making a decision for you....

Deciding to pursue something for you, because you need to, because you are unhappy.....

These are things that are selfish, but they are ok. Change can be really scary, we all know it, but sometimes change is necessary. I suppose it’s good to never be completely comfortable and settled with yourself. There should always be a small part of you that is a bit hungry for something more.

Self evaluation, taking a closer look at yourself, is vital. In this process you can decide what it is you truly want and why.

I am about ready to embark on a few new journeys in my life and I am terrified. Have I made the right decisions? Is this necessary, is this needed? Will I succeed? The short answer to all of those questions is yes. I could give you a million reasons why I should stay right where I am. I could give you a million reasons why everything is a bad idea. I could feed my anxiety and my fears and let them get the best of me. Again, the answer here is yes. To all the above. Although I am scared and anxious, I am mighty. I will make it.

[melanierdantz]

As someone who suffers from anxiety, overthinking can be a big problem for me. Especially now, deciding to go off of my meds and try to use yoga, diet and exercise as my therapy. I will have to constantly keep myself in check and try and recognize when a situation is truly beyond my control. What’s the phrase? Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.......

[melanierdantz]

“There is no need of any competition with anybody. You are yourself, and as you are, you are perfectly good. Accept yourself.”

— Osho

[melanierdantz]

Well that’s 2 in a row that I’ve read and have hit home. You guys are spot on @purplebuddhaquotes

“Stop putting your time and energy into things that aren’t benefiting you.”

—

[melanierdantz]

“It’s okay if nothing makes sense to you right now. Just keep moving forward. Some things will only become clear in hindsight.”

—

[melanierdantz]

This is a big one. #1 is a major obstacle for me.

[melanierdantz]

I’ll drive.

I have not written here in a very long time. In fact, I’ve been unable to write just about anywhere I have tried lately. The amount of pages I have torn out of my journal in an attempt to get my thoughts out on paper is ridiculous and wasteful. However, something happened this morning that made me want to post here, no matter how hard or how long it took for me to get out the proper words....

The lesson here is simple. DO NOT let one negative event impact how you shape the rest of your day. I am already losing this battle as something occurred this morning that set me off. Unfortunately, the way I am wired (especially lately) just does not allow me to move past the bad right now. The only person I have to blame for that is myself. In fact, I will just say it, I WILL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO GET PAST THIS RIGHT NOW. Believe me guys, I am well aware. I am my own friggin’ worst enemy. I just get stuck. YOU DON’T HAVE TO.

We cannot choose what happens to us. Wouldn’t that be nice? We can, however, choose how we REACT to what happens to us. Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to state the obvious here... .WE ARE IN COMPLETE CONTROL OF OURSELVES. WE DRIVE THE BUS. WE MAP OUT THE ROUTE. WE ARE THE BOSS.

Some of us, including myself, need to hear that. ESPECIALLY this morning. If you don’t like something, change it. If you want something, go get it. If you feel something, validate it. If you’re afraid of something, confront it. If you love something or someone, tell them. BE YOU. Be imperfectly, unapoligetically you. When it comes to your life, DO NOT get in the passenger seat. Drive god dammit. Trust me, you will thank yourself later.

And that is all I have to say for now. I will be back.

[melanierdantz]

Just say it

I have become complacent. I have stopped speaking up. When you know you’re right, even if part of the reason you’re right makes something you did wrong you should try harder. It’s not worth feeling like shit over being accused of just doing nothing.

I have just become too accepting of what I have started to think is the norm. It bothers me.

I used to feel worth more than this.

[melanierdantz]

You know when your mother would tell you “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.......

True Story. I swear this is something I will forever be attempting to instill in my girls. I will say this until I am blue in the face and to be honest I NEVER pictured myself saying it at all. In fact, there are many things my parents used to say to me that I remember laughing at, or getting annoyed and angry at that I have caught myself repeating to my own kids.

This little nugget right here rings so true to my soul. The reason why people lash out, the reason why people try and do/say hurtful things is simply to get a reaction. That’s all they want. So guess what? Don’t give them one!

[melanierdantz]

I feel like this is a good message for my girls. No matter how crazy they drive me. No matter how upset I get or how disappointed I am when they don’t listen, I will always want them in my life. I will always love them. I will always let them know they are cherished even in the worst of times. I am first there mother, forever their friend and for always their biggest fan.

[melanierdantz]

If only we could simply shred away our negative thoughts!! Empty them in a box and have them disappear. The problem is, no matter how hard we try to lock away all the negativity or even try to rip it up into a thousand pieces it can all be discovered again and put back together. “Shredding” our negative thoughts only means learning to break everything up into smaller more manageable pieces. Learn to acknowledge them and address them and then move on. Choose not to give any headspace to what doesn’t serve you in the long run. We shouldn’t ignore the bad things that we feel. We just don’t need to stay there. We experience the bad so we know what the good feels like.

[melanierdantz]

I absolutely love this. Thank you Pinterest. If I hadn’t written my own list I would’ve just copied and pasted this little gem right into my journal. This pretty much sums everything up without the specific details. If only we could all be this way and feel this way. Wouldn’t life be much easier and more peaceful?

[melanierdantz]

We Gucci in 2019.

OK so I am typically not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. They are very vague and they are often broken and lead to disappointment. Last year, at the beginning of 2018, I made a list and stapled it in my journal. Some things were specific. Some not. Some were just silly little things to improve on or accomplish. I actually was able to highlight quite a few things off the list throughout the year. It is so I have decided to call them New Year’s goals and not resolutions. Somehow a goal seems more realistic and obtainable in my mind.

Today, I made my list for 2019. I am going to share some things that I wrote down without even giving them a second thought. When I went back to read my goals for the year my eyes stopped on these 3 things, STOP COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE.....STOP WORRYING ABOUT THINGS THAT DO NOT EXIST....GET OUT OF THE PAST. 

I have come to the conclusion this last part of 2018 I absolutely drove myself crazy with unnecessary thoughts and dwelled over the dumbest things. I created problems in my head that didn’t even exist.  I  realized that I constantly measured myself up to others. The typical : Am I pretty enough, smart enough, interesting enough, sexy enough, funny enough, successful enough? I worried about EVERYTHING and I was always trying to control a situation that I realistically couldn’t at the time. 

Sometimes we can be our own worst nightmare. We are our own worst critic and we judge ourselves the most harshly out of all of our friends and family. We are the most truthful and the most deceptive to ourselves. What gets stuck in our heads can make or break us. The kicker? Throughout all of these thoughts, obsessions, worries and expectations we are in control 100% of the time! Whether we are in turmoil or in bliss we are making it or breaking it. Just as quickly as we can sway left, we can get it all under wraps and turn right. FORK IN THE ROAD PEOPLE! 

So.....

Can you be totally happy and content but totally stressed out and filled with anxiety all at once? Absolutely. Is this normal? UM, can I answer that one later!? Honestly, I don’t know if anything is completely normal. anymore but is it natural? Yes. 

My brain is so loud sometimes. This year I have to get a handle on things “upstairs.” Whether it is exercise, meditation, writing or music, there will be a way to manage. When I look at myself I will see me and only me. Not who I perceive myself to be less than. I will acknowledge what is actually happening around me and not what hasn’t happened or won’t ever occur. I will accept and practice the power of stillness.

Because all that I need is within me, I am able. Enjoy the journey. 

[melanierdantz]

I sometimes find myself always thinking of the negative things going on around me and waiting for the other shoe to drop. However, when that moment happens, it truly does pack a punch.

Why does the bad exist? So we know what the good feels like.

[melanierdantz]

I am mother.

I know her so well because I gave her shelter while she grew. I felt each movement and each breath. Every ripple was new life and exciting possibility. Every kick was gratifying and awakening. Every stillness was peaceful yet I was nervous she had went away. 

She knows me so well because she has heard the sound of my heartbeat from the inside. She knows the way my voice sounded. It was like listening to me call her name behind a closed door. Still I spoke to her save she would hear me and know that I was still there. 

I gave her life and she gave me purpose. Together we exist and apart there will still be no bond stronger than a mother and her child. 

I am thankful for each day you’ve given me to watch you grow. Even the bad ones because they mean we are still here and have been granted more time on this earth with each other. A mother’s work is never done and a child’s need is never none. This is the most important thing I will ever do. Always.