memoriesforamama

[memoriesforamama]

False Alarm

Well yesterday was crazy for a few minutes before it wasn't, lol! I thought I had a positive test. There was bad dye run, so in the end I think it was faulty. I took another FRER today and it was negative from what I understand/could see. I'm 12-13 DPO I believe so I think I would have seen something, and we'll see if I get my period this week. I am trying so hard not to obsess. I have been doing really well this cycle but once I saw those two lines, man. I started shaking. I wanted to cry. Seeing that negative gutted me a little and has me absolutely obsessing today. Not over symptoms but like, over tests and trying to see if maybe I can see SOMETHING or if ANYONE can see ANYTHING on it. But it's a BFN. That's okay. I did a good workout today and I'm trying to distract myself with other things like writing and video games. Wish me luck y'all. Baby dust to everyone else TTC this month! Hopefully it's finally your time even if it's not mine <3 Much love.

[memoriesforamama]

Pregnancy Affirmation and Crystals:

Crystals to be placed on belly after doing the baby dance:

Rose quartz

Carnelian

Pink opal

Amethyst

Garnet

Boitite

Epidote

Blue apatite

Affirmation:

I am ready to conceive a child.

I am taking care of my body and mind in order to welcome a baby.

My body is designed to conceive.

My body works well in order to get pregnant.

Patience and care help my body prepare for pregnancy.

My womb is open to new life.

My womb is strong and fertile.

My eggs are healthy and developing perfectly.

I will get pregnant.

[memoriesforamama]

Reflections on recent weeks

I hadn't been on here mostly because I hadn't been on my computer! I prefer to blog on that rather than my phone. Typing has just always been nicer than using my thumbs on a touchscreen. I've been kind to myself, though I am still somewhat struggling with my self-esteem and body image. Not as much as I was at the start of the summer, but I'm really wishing I were smaller. I have been working out and hitting my step goals, but my eating has been hit or miss some days. That's the tough part. But I am glad I'm at least being very active! Trying to get into weightlifting again. This month, I -think- I caught my ovulation window, but I'm always unsure of it exactly, because I feel like I can't read the tests properly. I'm always second guessing if the line is dark enough. IF I was correct, I'm about 7-8 DPO at the moment. I don't feel like this time was any different than the last couple times I was tracking, so I'm really REALLY trying to just roll with it. If anything, it helps me predict when my period should be coming! I do like that, now that I think my cycle is regulating, that I would be able to track that. In other related news, my best friend told us she's pregnant again. She's just had her daughter's first birthday, and they weren't trying but weren't preventing. It didn't sting to hear, but I did appreciate she was so sensitive with me. Earlier last week I started to feel a bit down about us not having baby #1 yet, but I also remembered it took her a while to conceive baby #1. I don't resent her, I don't feel upset or anything. I allowed myself to feel a bit sad a couple days, but since I've bounced back. Now, all it means is I have yet another baby to love and care for. A fun thing I told myself is if I manage to conceive in the next several months, we WILL be pregnant at the same time and I find that SO exciting. So instead of feeling bad, I'm actually excited? Sure, it may take us longer to conceive, but if it doesn't I'll just consider myself lucky to experience this with her. If it happens after, then it'll be nice to have one pregnant friend at a time, hahaha.

[memoriesforamama]

Update!

Soooo I went away on vacation last week and it was a glorious start to summer (and break from work that I desperately needed). My baby fever has calmed down, even though I spent time with a baby, but I am not trying to symptom spot as much. I'm just vibing. I AM however eating very healthy and back in my workout routine. The low stress with it being summer (I am a teacher...so it's nice) will hopefully help regulate things more too. If it doesn't happen this summer though, I won't stress it. I'm just excited to be healthy again and back to having time for myself. Some solid workouts this week, and two great meal preps done yesterday. I'm feeling super positive and productive. Baby dust to anyone else trying to conceive!

[memoriesforamama]

All I want in this entire world is to be a mother

[memoriesforamama]

Well Aunt Flo is officially here!

In a way I'm relieved - my cycle was irregular when I was younger, and coming off the IUD hormones etc. I was so worried that maybe I would end up infertile. I could still be, because I obviously haven't had anything tested because it's so soon after coming off BC. But I feel a little like ok, maybe I'm functioning somewhat correctly. I'd love to have gotten a big fat positive pregnancy test this cycle, but it wasn't in the cards and that's ok. Yesterday when it started I gave myself some grace, and treated myself a little bit just to say hey, it is what it is, and we look forward to the next.

July is my birthday month, so I'd really love to conceive as a present, hahaha. But I won't stress it. I'll be off work, I'll be working out, I'll be eating healthy, enjoying summer break, relaxing. It's going to be a good summer. I don't really feel sad or upset this time, I just feel hopeful. I feel excited that I can keep working to improve my life so my future child has the best one.

[memoriesforamama]

Today is day 1 of a new TTC mindset!

I have had my hormonal IUD out since March 4th, 2024. In that time, I have had 1 actual period that I can tell. This however, is normal. My cycle was never regular with the IUD, I mostly stopped getting periods, but also they said it could take up to three months to regulate. I was not entirely convinced I'd conceived this month, but there were some signs (or so I thought). I had ovulated, according to tests, but alas, two weeks past ovulation and a negative. A few days later, I tried again because perhaps it was too early, still a negative. I tried not to get my hopes up, and I didn't really this time, but there's always a tiny little bit of "awhh" when it doesn't happen. I can't even imagine my reaction for if it ever does come back positive. It feels like it could never happen to me.

But I'm not giving up, or kicking myself, or angry at the world. Not today. Instead, I created this blog as a sort of journal, to talk about any and everything on my mind as this process is going on. Mostly though, I want to write down positive affirmations for myself to remember that it's not easy but things will happen how they will and I can't force it. I want to keep myself accountable- keep myself reflecting on the POSITIVE aspects and be patient. Patience is something I struggle with, but I know if we (my husband and I) are fortunate enough to have a baby, that being a mom will absolutely be worth the wait.

I'm not entirely happy with my level of fitness- I'd fallen off the wagon this spring. My mindset right now is that my body isn't in the best health it's been in, so I am back to fixing my meal preps, eating healthier foods, and exercising regularly again. If my body isn't as healthy as it was back in September, then it isn't ready for a baby. That's all that this tells me right now, and that's okay. I want to be in the best possible health I can be when we conceive. That's what's driving me to make positive choices and keeping my spirits up. So cheers and baby dust to anyone else going through this process!