meowimmacat13 - Tumblr blog

[meowimmacat13]

As you hide alone, not able to return to class.

As you're unsure of what to do, where to go.

Just being there, in so much pain from your emotions.

Just having distress, worry, helplessness.

Wondering who you should tell, who you shouldn't.

You decide get get on your phone.

Just a little decision, but you hope it will help.

But then you remember, the ones you love are gone.

Either to class or out of your life.

You are in an isolated box of lonely, heplessness.

You wonder why you should even live.

I ask myself that every moment of everyday lately.

Why should I even go on, why should I ever try anymore.

It would be so much easier to give up.

Maybe today will be the day I do..

[meowimmacat13]

Good Lord Life's a Mess

I've been locked out of this app for so long and I don't even know why. I just feel like everything is going to end. My life is off it's literal axis and my head will never stop spinning. I know I'm a lier considering I've lied to every cop that has ever questioned me about anything. I have lost friends, gained friends, gained live, and lost love. I never realized how many emotions I had bottled up until tonight. I'm my birthday I completely broke. Makeup all over my cheeks and just a horrid sight. I look demonic just from eyeliner running. I just don't know what to do or where to go. Everything feels off. Everything feels wrong. I don't know what to do anymore.

[meowimmacat13]

I’ve gotten so caught up in life I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing. I feel like I’m supposed to be headed someplace, but I don’t know where. Also the fact I have no idea what I would or am supposed to do when I get there is driving me more insane. I feel like I dumped out my heart, soul, and sanity a few stops ago. I have no idea how to turn around. I don’t know if I need them anymore. It’s like I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have them already. I just need help. I don’t know who to turn to now.

[meowimmacat13]

I’m Lost in the Race of Life

My world has started spinning faster than my brain can fathom. I can’t believe everything that has happened in the past twenty four hours. My ex-girlfriend admitted she still loved me, romantically, but doesn’t think we should ever date again. The girl I’ve had a crush on for a while was with the guy she liked and he likes her, I sat there and was okay. I’m able to let go of her, she’s gonna go date the guy, but I’m still here for her and she’s still here for me. My sixth grade friend, who is bi, asked me out also yesterday. I have a new girlfriend, but she knows that I’m not sure I’m even ready. I woke up this morning with my muscles tense, bones shaky, and my mind racing. I was somewhere lost between terrified and excited. I don’t even know what I should feel. Most of my emotions have been numb, but I did have a crush on my now girlfriend. I’m worried I’m moving to fast, but if I slow down I’ll get left. I just don’t know how to keep running this race of life. I just don’t know. I really don’t know.

[meowimmacat13]

So I keep writing about the girl I’ve known from kindergarten, who had a boyfriend, but I have a crush on her. Well so she knows I have a major crush on her, but she doesn’t mind we’re friends. We eat lunch together everyday and when one of us is upset we hug or our friends let the other person know so we can go try to help each other. It almost always works amazing and I know I always feel better afterwards. Well today we were hugging and she pulled back a little bit and kissed me on the cheek. So then I ran out of the room blood run and tried to go hide, but the door was locked. So I stood facing the corner until she pulled me out and started holding me. So after that I wanted to make her blush but didn’t know how. We had been standing talking to our friends, my arm around her waist and hers around my shoulder. (I’m about 4 inches shorter even though I’m older.) I knew I was leaving within 30 minutes so I hung around and before I left I kissed her on the cheek after hugging and before walking away to leave. We both shocked each other by doing it. It was a great day, even though I was red a lot.

[meowimmacat13]

Darkness

Imagine, a jet black

Curtain.

No light can get

Through.

You’re completely, totally,

Alone.

No matter if or how many

Friends,

You have or want,

You stay and are,

ALONE.

At least that’s how you

Always Feel.

The Curtain is down.

The Light is gone.

I can’t stay I’m

Darkness.

Inside said and out,

All because.

I. Have. Given up.

[meowimmacat13]

I’ve never really thought about how weird it is to be demisexial or espically ace and stuck in sex Ed. I just got out of that close and I’m highly Demi like almost to the point I’m Ace about stuff. So like my friends were fine and I was curled in my seat cringing. It was the worst thing ever. It’s so hard for me to even look at guys now because it’s so bad. I guess not only am I way less straight than I thought I am also more Demi than I ever thought.

[meowimmacat13]

As I...

Stand alone against the world,

I feel strong.

Am surrounded by random people,

I feel isolated.

Have friends around me,

I feel brave.

Am being bullied and degraded,

I feel worthless.

Am trusted home alone,

I feel independent.

Feel strong,

I know I am weak.

Continue to fall and fail,

I want to give up.

Want to give up,

I am supported by my friends.

[meowimmacat13]

Guess What!!!

I had an orchestra concert a few days ago and got to talking to a couple of the sixth graders. Well, two violins “adopted me” even though I am in eighth grade. This is because the guy is openly gay, and the girl is openly Bi. Since I am Pan but mostly in the closet, they have decided to let me be myself. They are so awesome, they have both said if anyone judges or makes fun of me they'll fight, which I can do myself, but its just so awesome, beautiful, and amazing. In the beginning, we barely knew each other but we talk all the time and they're so sweet and caring. Just the fact that I hide behind silence and the closet door, but with them, they pull me out and it's just so beautiful outside the closet door. 

[meowimmacat13]

Has anyone ever had something like this happen?

[meowimmacat13]

Panromantic Demisexual Piano/Slytherin/Grunge Themed Moodboard For @jinnxe

Made by @lgbtq-moodboards

[meowimmacat13]

I’m an idiot...

So I have a crush on this girl, that I’ve wrote about before. She is still with the guy she was with when I wrote the first post about her. I mean don’t get me wrong we’re super close friends and I’m happy she’s happy, but I wish I had a chance. I’ve been single almost two weeks and I’ve respeted yo flirting with her every couple days. Well today I was trying to tell a story, and well this is where I’m an idiot. I stopped tlaking to her and leaned forward to talk to someone across the table. Well I didn’t realize I set my hand down. Right down on her thigh. She didn’t care but I turned red and walked out of the room. I’m so embarrassed because she admitted to having a small crush on me and she knows I have a major crush on her. It’s so like upsetting I don’t have a chance and I’m so like red and upset that I keep doing stupid stuff. At least me and her are still friends though.

[meowimmacat13]

It’s not just okay. It’s amazing

[meowimmacat13]

I really think we need help

[meowimmacat13]

So at this point, I’m not sure if me and my girlfriend broke up, are going to break up, are gonna stay together for a while, or make it through. It’s so upsetting because she won’t respond to me and just I feel terrible because I’m useless. My life won’t end loosing my girlfriend, but I’ll never be the same. I’ve had enough happen to where I can see I’ve changed, but at this point who I was I can’t go back to. I’m stressed out and hurting in a way I never realized why it hurt so bad. Laying on a couch, all upset, was how I realized how a lot of this. I just didn’t know where else to share it but to my board of whatever I have.

[meowimmacat13]

The in and outs of life are a pain. People act like life is all happy and great, but it’s not. Like had ups and downs and sometimes the downs seem deadly and the ups freeing. The truth is they’re both just that but with one comes the other. I’ve had downs that lasted hours and others that lasted years. My ups are becoming more frequent, which makes the downs harder. I don’t know where I am a lot of days, and I have no idea where I’m going. Even though you do not know me, if you’re reading this, trust me you can make it. Someone will always stand by your side. I never believed it until I took a step back and looked at my life. A lot of people hate me, I know this, I except this, but actually knowing people care helps. No matter what, someone will be there for you. Someone will care and you just need to find that person.

[meowimmacat13]

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease”

-Guy in homeroom (he yelled this to the teacher)