messyflowr - Tumblr blog

[messyflowr]

friendly reminder that struggling to declutter with adhd doesn't just stop at not being able to start/being too overwhelmed with the mess. it can also look like:

- not having enough focus to remember where to put something or how you planned to declutter - literally not remembering where you put something - being overwhelmed because you have too many 'you never know' items that you can't get rid of (yes, even if they're pretty much useless at the moment) - getting so tired so quickly just because it takes a lot of focus/mental energy to deal with everything - you have so many thoughts going on at once, about redecorating, donating items, a completely unrelated thing, that one task you've been putting off that you suddenly have an idea for, finding a place for everything (im personally very peculiar about Where i put stuff and in What order) that you are basically just standing there spacing out every few minutes - best case scenario you move one object just a few inches from its original position and call it a day because you don't know how to deal with all the other stuff but you technically Did Something - worst case scenario you forget you were decluttering for 1.2 seconds, just enough to leave the room and busy yourself with something else And from there you either: A. come back in the room, remember you were decluttering and have a mental breakdown because it's hours later and there's no way you can declutter everything now since it's so late (even tho you actually could, you're just time blind) B. come back in the room, you don't remember you were decluttering, you remember a week later and cry because you can never seem to keep stuff together this was super lengthy, if you made it this far i hope you related to this and you feel a bit better <3 you are not alone feel free to add onto this if you'd like <3

[messyflowr]

okay but the sheer irony of denial?

I'm gonna see a post about adhd on here and tell myself "I never do that! maybe I don't have adhd after all..." and then literally do it like 3 consecutive times the same day or the one right after.

[messyflowr]

having adhd + being aromantic

heya friends :D I hope you're all doing great and taking care of yourselves :] if you haven't already, make sure to drink some water and/or grab a snack. that being said, let's get into today's topic: aromanticism and adhd!

disclaimer: I'll - of course - only be talking about my experiences as a person with !! self-diagnosed adhd that also happens to be aromantic*! your experience might be different so please be respectful if you decide to reply to this post :) that being said I'm excited to hopefully reach people with similar experiences to mine!

*(also important to note I pretty much feel No romantic attraction, if you are demiromantic or greyromantic, etc. your experience is bound to be different and some things might resonate less with you).

let's get into it! (long post ahead)

aromanticism combined with adhd is definitely...an interesting pair. for me, I've never felt the "rush" to get into a romantic relationship, another thing about me is, I hyperfixate on people (especially new friends). that usually presents as an amplified qpr.

I thought that since I always wanted to be around someone, always be talking to them, always focusing on them, that I must want to BE with them. insert impulsivity, I ruined a few friendships because of unnecessary love confessions.

when I spoke to my friends (middle/high school), I felt left out when they talked about their crushes, since I didn't have any! I never took interest into someone Like That. so I started saying "well I have a crush too actually!" even when, in reality, it was an obsessive idealization of someone at best.

it took me till a few years later to realize that "wait?...I never wanted to kiss that guy...I didn't even really want to get into a relationship with that girl..." and that's when I found the label 'aromantic'.

I, in some way, never "realized" that being in a relationship would entail all that it does: kissing, sexual acts, commitment, etc. (I still do not get any of this stuff, that's why the list is short lmao) so when I said I had a "crush" all my brain really processed is "I want to talk with this person a lot, get to know them well, form a deep bond, hang out together often, because I think they're so nice!"

that, you might think, is not a huge issue once you figure it out, right? WRONG.

I still struggle with hyperfixating on people, and it's hard to set good boundaries (especially at first) because I show the same interest alloromantics show (if I had to guess...) to their romantic interest just...without any romantic intent!

sometimes I still question myself, "what if I want to be with this person?", "I must want to be with them!" and adhd only makes it Worse.

if you have adhd or know anything about it, you know how addicting novel stuff is to us, really. so, if someone shows interest for me, my brain finds that a fun, interesting, new situation, which sometimes results in me leading people on or confusing them.

is kissing "novel, interesting, etc." to think about? yes! would I actually ever kiss that person? absolutely not.

if you relate to any of the feelings I shared, you're not alone, you're not crazy, you're not a bad person. you are valid and it IS hard.

it is especially hard because (I'd assume) hyperfixating on someone that is available and interested in you as an alloromantic comes with its struggles, and you're always going to be in the process of balancing your time and managing your symptoms, but your attraction is straight to the point.

as an aromantic, it's not. (again, talking as an aromantic that feels little to no attraction). we're just working hard to not ruin anything. it's confusing, and like any hyperfixation, it consumes us and our time.

I'm SO lucky to have friends that understand that and that generally wouldn't question anyone for just wanting to spend lots of time together, but I can see how that could actively and continuously ruin friendships.

if you're aromantic and have adhd and are struggling because of it right now, you're going to be okay, you are a great person and you are loved.

I wanted to touch up on a lot more relating to this subject, but this post is adhd-unfriendly (read: long) enough already, soz...

if you read through all of this, thank you so much & feel free to share your experience, reblog, etc. doesn't matter if you are demi or grey etc., really!

have a great day, I love you :D

[messyflowr]

updates !

tw for depression mention in case you don’t have it tagged but are still uncomfy with adhd + depression talk. very briefly mentioned. 

since I’ve mostly talked about my personal experiences on this blog anyway, I thought I’d share my current feelings as well and maybe it’ll hep someone :) it’s been almost a year since I stopped posting on here (nothing happened, just stopped using tumblr) and a few things have changed! 

my school situation got much better! I don’t really have to deal with deadlines as much because of the school I’m in, so my adhd initially really vibed with that. the catch is my everyday life is extremely unstructured, and that’s really making it hard for me.

I felt like I should talk about this because I’m aware that many people with adhd have been struggling during this time either because of online school, or working at home, etc. 

the thing is, I’ve been trying to create a structure myself, but every adhder reading this knows what self-made structure feels like. on top of that, I’ve been feeling so bored...you know the one. 

and as if shaky self-structure + depression wasn’t enough, friendships feel heavy because the few times I actually socialize I’m reminded my rsd is very real, even if I pretend it’s not. 

I feel alone and I feel like my life is unnecessarily heavy/dramatic (even though I’d probably be even more bored if it wasn’t) but I’m trying to do my best!

gotcha! this post has a happy ending, because even though I’m feeling hopeless (and you might too) doesn’t mean we are. our feelings are not always the reality. 

even though it’s hard I’ll keep fighting! and I encourage you to do so as well! surround yourself with positive stuff, do your best to practice healthy habits and keep going, I will too. 

to keep this positive spirit going, I’ll be sharing resources + my own tips and tricks to living a happier life with adhd! 

I hope that if you got to the end of this post, you could feel less alone, because I am with you, and so many more people are, and you can do it!

// also, will be making a few posts (hopefully) about having adhd And being aromantic (+ acespec) for the upcoming aromantic awareness week! (from the 21st of feb to the 27th) so I’m very excited about that! :) 

see you!!! 

[messyflowr]

normal ocean creatures: ah. viva la sea. the blue, it is harsh but it is my love. i am a magnificent creature in a magical place

the deep ocean weirdos: i don't need oxygen to survive. i haven't eaten since the fall of byzantium. i have 300 eyes on my eyeballs. its been 14000 years since I've bumped into another life form. I'll kick anything's ass. nothing can kill me not even death

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Thinkin about all the neurodiverse kids who get fucked over by the public school system... thinkin about how even a diagnosis is often of no help because the system is too broken to help anyone let alone accommodate disabled kids

[messyflowr]

that makes sense! Thank you for clearing it up!

I agree that self-diagnosing like that is very harmful. Sadly, I've seen a lot of it as well.

Thank you for replying calmly!! I appreciate it, really.

I just saw a blog on here where the person running it said they were "undiagnosed ADHD" (AKA self diagnosed). Come on guys, I thought we already established that this is harmful.

[messyflowr]

sorry in advance for the long post! I just thought this had to be said.

I think as a community we should really try to establish what a self-diagnosis is vs what it is not.

What is harmful is going around saying "I know for sure I have ADHD, it is self-diagnosed", what is NOT harmful is saying "I don't have a diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure I have ADHD".

If we tell all "self-diagnosed" folks that they don't have ADHD straight up, just because they don't have a diagnosis, is extremely harmful. While some might be mis-diagnosing themselves, a lot of them Don't have access to any type of therapy/assessment.

What happens when we tell them that they don't have ADHD is that they are putting all of the blame and insecurities on themselves again.

If they recognize there's something, ANYTHING, that is seriously impairing in their lives, they have the right to question it and have a vague idea about it.

If they just go about their life thinking that it's their fault for being/acting a certain way, they could go through so much, so much that a vague idea about their condition could've lifted the blame from their shoulders.

Example: If I suspect of having ADHD, I can start researching and find tips online to help myself a little bit (again, since assessments are not an option) and my quality of life could significantly improve.

If I look for community support because ADHD TIPS helped me significantly, finding someone online invalidating me just because I can't connect with a psychiatrist, for whatever reason, is extremely harmful.

People who don't actually have ADHD and search up ADHD tips are very likely to not find anything much helpful in them because the problem is not rooted in ADHD.

That being said, while I do not support people straight up saying "I have ADHD For Sure" (not to mention the term self-diagnosis puts me off too), I do support people who are overwhelmed, confused, scared of themselves and just want something to relate to so they can find help and a community to help them figure it out.

We are human before we are gatekeepers, if someone turns out to not have ADHD, are we going to attack them? No. Chances are they found a way to get a diagnosis or figured out more about themselves, isn't that great? We are not about to call people imposters just because they went through a rough time of figuring their life out.

Gatekeeping SCARES people from looking for community support (which, may I add, is very strong in the ADHD community) and causes more harm than good.

To end this post off, I just wanna say this is NOT a personal attack to op in ANY way, I'm just sharing my view on this subject and op is free to express their opinions as well (since I'm not even sure what op meant with self-diagnosis, since it's a tricky term, they're free to answer and explain, or not). I'm just tired of people feeling like sh*t because they can't help themselves and the community isn't helping either.

thank you for reading.

I just saw a blog on here where the person running it said they were "undiagnosed ADHD" (AKA self diagnosed). Come on guys, I thought we already established that this is harmful.

[messyflowr]

//tw: rant, adhd, breakdowns, executive dysfunction, I guess. not a positive post.

sorry y'all a bit of a rant but doing my school work online is killing me. I actually like being able to work from home (don't start singing it!), it's just that stuff has been too much for a long time now and adhd isn't helping and now I'm having a breakdown and I feel like shit because I put off work for so much, I forgot I actually......can't do it? I just thought I would come back to it and even if I had to cram I could study...just hit me I have ADHD and I'm not gonna get anything done and?? I will probably fail the year. Not many days are left to school but I have to study so much stuff?? And I can't even start?? And I know that even if I start I will get distracted or later forget everything due not focusing enough or anxiety, too. Having a hard time right now, I feel like just going to sleep, because it's too much, but if I go to sleep I won't be able to study and I've put off too many things already. Just wanted to get it out there for anyone that is feeling the same. I don't know how to reassure you, since I don't feel reassured myself, but I hope you can feel less alone.

[messyflowr]

imagine this scenario: you know you have some (a lot) stuff to get done before tomorrow. You feel like it's time to check out some adhd memes on tumblr because, why not? It's 9:30 PM, you're going to be fine right? There's so much time! You scroll and scroll and scroll, this is so funny! While laughing in pain like a weirdo (adhd memes are so relatable) your head naturally turns, you see your books on your bed. It's now almost 10:30 PM, you continue laughing, you turn your head and pretend the books were never there, just to forget about them completely (again) after 5 minutes.

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When someone complains about the subtitles being on the screen

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Yeah sex is cool but have you ever tried putting in your earbuds and turning the volume all the way up when you're having an overstim attack and viscerally feeling all of the mental tension drain out of your body?

[messyflowr]

autistic/adhd meme for your autistic/adhd meme needs

[messyflowr]

Brain: you’re tired

Me: but am I sleepy tired or overworked tired or bored tired or exercise tired or this-room-is-too-warm tired or—

Brain: yes

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adhd is: accidentally going off on seemingly random tangents which make perfect sense in your head and having to explain them to whoever you are talking to

oh dude totally. every story includes 50 mini-stories and I gotta tell all of them on the way to tell the main story.

Every conversation is a journey. Buckle up y’all.

[messyflowr]

me trying to read anything for the 19th time because i have unstoppable thoughts and can’t process any word i’m reading while dissociating

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ADHD Vibes & cute bunnies💙 to balance it out 💙