miniatureitaliangoathound - Tumblr blog

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

And the drowning feeling isn’t nice

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

Been dissociating a lot lately

And processing the last few years bit by bit

Why do I still feel so fake? 

We’re very lonely, too. And everyone’s gone, at least who was around when I found out we were a system, I think. Or we’re different. It’s been hard to tell.

Dissociated through the holidays again ofc; I feel like I’m stuck in a terrible loop and I have this vertigo when I think about how many times I get caught in the dissociation and loneliness.

It feels like we’ve lost each other. I wish I could trust my feelings, every thought I’ve had lately feels wrong, like a lie. Especially things like this, expressing how I feel, allowing ourselves to process emotion. I don’t think I used to be so afraid of everything, or maybe I just wasn’t the host before.

I love you, Camilla, hope wherever you are it’s warm. Sorry I’m such a shit host, I’m just so lost.

And I’ve got no idea where we’re going in uni, just existing has been such an effort lately. Anywho, this is a bit rambly now, if there’s more to say we’ll say it later, I hope. If I read over this post one more time I’ll axe it, so here goes, hope all y’all are having a good night, wherever ye are.

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

Haven’t posted in a while. Been really lost lately, I feel like we’re sinking. Anyone know how to get affordable therapy w/o health insurance? I don’t even know where to start.

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

August 14th, 2020, 20:42, 99% cloud cover. RA/Dec (J2000.0): 17h29m09.53s/-62°26'44.2".

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

Beneath Thy Skin

One of us wrote this poem in high school. Looking back it’s very... relevant to us as a system.

Beneath thy skin

In gullet and throat

Do thy humors

Float

And Tremor

Atop each other

Contesting for grace

These four of one kin

Fester 

In tumors

Malignant points in space

Between which

A line is cast

Hook’d on thy lips

And without a voice

There is naught

To speak, save

A whimper

Spent on thy breath, last.

Beneath thy stone

Where flowers once

Were lain

Withered now,

A rose’s thorned mane

Sinks its fangs

Rending from earth

Ashen crust

Supped upon by Wyrm

And Men alike

To quench thirsts

Of forgone mem’ry

In their place, rattle

Do their vassals

From life beyond

The dirt, a clatter

And hiss 

Is all that’s left

In thy wake

For masters

To know thy name

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

I think sometimes we’re afraid to engage in activities at risk of destabilizing our equilibrium. Perhaps we could benefit from working on understanding what everyone wants/needs at any given time. I think meeting the body’s needs has been helpful, but I need to admit we are deserving of joy and entertainment, even, if not especially, while we are lost in our inbetween dissociative state. We’ve been slow switching a lot lately.

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

I’ve been feeling trapped in my head lately. It’s so hard to post here sometimes but it’s been helping a lot with our denial, just to get some words out there, but I’ve been nervously deleting every draft this past week so I’m word vomiting to hopefully unclog the proverbial pipes. And now here is where I’d usually delete but-

snek person is hopefully reason enough to post this time

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

It’s mental health awareness month! How to support someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

If they disclose to you that they have DID:

DO:

• Accept them. Tell them that you still respect and care for them.

• Tell them that you are there if they need your help.

• Tell them to let you know if there are any triggers that are important for you to know. If they choose to tell you any, be patient and understanding. Listen attentively.

Helpful things to say or ask:

• “Is there anything you need me to do to make sure you feel safe in our relationship?

• “If you want to tell me more about it, I am here to listen.”

• “If there are any triggers you think I should be aware of, please let me know.”

• “I’m here if you need help with anything.”

• “I still love you and you are still my friend/family/partner.”

DON’T:

• Ask if they are dangerous or if they are going to harm you.

• Ask them what their trauma is.

• Call them crazy.

• Suggest that their mental illness is caused by supernatural or pseudoscientific means. (AKA, NEVER suggest that someone is possessed or haunted.)

• Bombard them with questions.

• Demand proof.

• Force then to switch as evidence.

• React in an unkind or rude way.

• Minimize or invalidate them.

• Tell them DID isn’t real.

• Deny their existence or refuse to call their alters by their names.

• Demand any answers from them.

Unhelpful things to say or ask:

• “I’ve known you for [span of time]. I would have noticed if you had it.”

• “It’s fine as long as you aren’t going to murder me.”

• “What’s your trauma? Did [traumatic event] happen to you?”

• “Isn’t that really rare? How could you have it?”

• “You had an easy childhood so there’s no way.”

• “You don’t know what ‘hard’ is.” “You were lucky to have the childhood you had.”

• “I just don’t get why you’re doing this to me.”

• “Can you imagine how hard this is for me?”

• “Tell me your triggers.”

If they’re switching or dissociating:

DO:

• Be patient with them.

• Tell them that it’s okay, and to take their time.

• Politely ask who’s fronting.

• Reintroduce yourself, as if a new person just walked into the room.

• Fill them in if they are unaware of what is going on.

DON’T:

• Snap or clap in their face.

• Express that you only want to interact with the previously fronting alter.

• Raise your voice, or try to force them to “snap out of” their dissociation.

• Ask if they are going to harm you, or if they are “evil”.

• Tell them “they should know what’s happening”, or refuse to fill them in on what is happening.

• Accuse or blame them for not being a good friend, not listening, or dissociating. 

DID is a highly stigmatized disorder. People fear disclosing this disorder to their loved ones, because their safety could be compromised. They trusted you enough to tell you. It is your job to create a space of love, acceptance, and respect for them.

🖤 Delphine

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

Oof this is a *mood.*

There’s nothing here that I recognize, nothing that makes me feel like I belong.

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

Forest Cat Fushimi Inari-Taisha, Kyoto, Japan

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

Growing up my parents taught me that if you’re too sick to [insert responsibility here] then you’re too sick to [insert something that makes you happy here].

It took me a really long time to unlearn this. When I would get sick or have a “bad day” I would deprive myself of anything that made me happy. Watching movies, eating something I enjoyed, going for a walk, playing video games or just browsing online looking at funny cat videos. I wouldn’t let myself do these things because I was always told that if I’m too sick to go to work, or do homework, or go to school then I must be too sick to play Mortal Kombat or watch Unsolved Mysteries lol.

Whenever I wouldn’t feel good, which I later learned as an adult was due to sleep deprivation caused by my ADHD and depression (and of course the depression itself would cause me to feel like shit), my parents would tell me “if you’re not throwing up, then you’re not sick.” And when I would stay home from school (or even work in my later teen years) my parents would make sure that I didn’t have any “fun.” No TV, no movies, no games, no going outside, no arts and crafts, no books, no nothing. Just lay in bed and feel miserable.

I’m happy to say that I no longer do this to myself. Now when I’m having a bad day or I’m sick (cold, flu or whatever) I allow myself to do the things (within reason lol) that I actually love doing. If I’m not too sick to step outside for a few minutes then I’ll go for a walk. I’ll watch my favorite movies and if it’s a bad day or a cold (something that doesn’t hinder my appetite too much) I’ll eat my favorite foods. I don’t guilt trip myself anymore for having a “sick day.”

Just because you’re sick (whether physically, emotionally or mentally) doesn’t mean that you can’t do things you enjoy. You’re not any less sick because you watch TV. You’re not any less sick because you’re playing video games. 

Actually you SHOULD be doing these things when you’re not feeling good because they make you feel better. The better you feel, the faster your heal. 

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

This makes me laugh

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

stylization practice

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

a babie

[miniatureitaliangoathound]

Wonder Woman: Agent of Peace #1 - “Commitment to Chaos” (2020)

written by Amanda Conner & Jimmy Palmiotti art by Inaki Miranda & Hi-Fi Colors