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[minniereview]

Bloodsport

I thought it was finally time to do another review. I promised my friend Cam that the next review I did would be on Bloodsport cause’ I’ve never seen that movie before and I think he really likes that movie. Or he thought that I would really like this movie.

Before the movie started I was a bit confused as I thought the guy from Rambo was the main character in it, but it turns out it was that guy who did those commercials where he was doing the splits in-between two trucks while the trucks were moving. I forgot what the ad was for but it was pretty good and I’m pretty sure it was real! I think his name is something Van Dam. I forgot. Anyway, he reminds me of one of my favorite wrestlers, Rob Van Dam! They both seem really similar cause’ Rob Van Dam is also really flexible like the movie star and does lots of martial arts too.

I didn’t know that the movie was set in Hong Kong. Oh! His name just came up on the screen! Jean Claude? I don’t think I’ve seen any movies with him in it. Is he like a white Jackie Chan but not as good? The training at the start where they were breaking the ice cubes and coconuts was pretty intense. I guess that’s the best way to train to fight though, cause bodies are a lot softer than coconuts and blocks of ice.

I don’t really get why he escapes the army to go fight in Hong Kong. Wouldn’t you get kicked out if you left the army like that?

I liked the part when those 3 boys rocked up to that ninja masters house and the little kid just fucked up the San Fransisco Giants kid and he was like, half the size. When San Fran started talking I was like… wtf… has his voice been overdubbed?  Wait… is this a flashback? Oh! It’s a flash back. I get it. Awh now they best friends! That’s nice. Now I get why it was overdubbed. Why didn’t they just get a kid from wherever Rob Van Dam is from because that accent was horrible and distracting.

I think they should have gone into how the son died… but I guess there wouldn’t have been time for the montage of Rob Van Dam falling down a billion times. That was pretty good.  Except when ninja master pulled the gold fish out of the pond. If that was real the fish would have been moving still. When he was strung up by the rope I noticed that he had a light blue belt on. I feel like at this point he should be a black belt. I mean, he was able to pour tea and shit blindfolded and get whacked by a kendo stick when he was meditating.

After the flashback, ninja master doesn’t look like he is dying at all. He looks the same age as what he was in the flash back. They should have fixed that.

The American fighter in this looks like The Hound from GoT but without the burny face. I’m glad Van Dam has a friend but he doesn’t seem like he is very nice to ladies. Van Dam looks like he would be nice to ladies. I wonder if this has a love story in it.

Hong Kong in the 80’s looks very sad and dangerous. Even The Hound was scared walking down that alley way. I knew cause he put his hand on Rob Van Dam’s shoulder. When they finally got to where the ring was it looked quite nice inside. I am a little confused though cause the man said you needed an invite to fight but where did they get them from? Cause’ ninja master seemed like a nice man, I didn’t think he would get caught up in something like this. I didn’t get why they asked him to break the bottom brick, surely you can’t make the brick explode like that?! Is that even a thing? And also how does that prove that ninja master trained him?

This reporter lady is a bit of a shit. Hasn’t she seen Fight Club? The first rule about Kumite is that you don’t TALK about Kumite. I feel bad about what happened to her in the bar when that the guy was trying to take her up to his room and stuff. That wouldn’t have been fun. I hope Rob Van Dam doesn’t end up with her.

For a secret fight club, this doesn’t look very secret. There’s like, hundreds of people there watching! Surely the army guys will find Rob Van Dam. If they don’t they aren’t very good army detectives.

During the fighting party I feel like they could have done a bit better with the sound effects. I don’t know that when you hit a body it sounds that dramatic. When The Hound was fighting that guy with the mullet that was pretty crazy. He just like, did the big fist like what Big Show does or Karhli and the guy was out cold. I hope he has more moves than that cause’ I don’t think that will get him very far.

Jesus Christ! The guy that has never been beaten has MASSIVE boobies! He’s so amazing. He just put that guy in a sleeper hold for like 2 seconds and he was out. I don’t think it was necessary that he hit him again. He was already out. Come on man.

I feel like it was too much of a coincidence that Rob Van Dam fought the asshole from the bar. I did really enjoy all of the fight scenes. Especially that awful 80s song came on and they did a montage of all of them. Some of these fighters are real shit though. You’d think that the calibre of fighters would be really great cause’ it’s an invite only kinda thing.

When the army guys finally caught up with Rob Van Dam it was sooo obvious he was going to get away because they played happy music with a lot of synth. It was almost like slap stick comedy in a way. I feel like they could have made it way more intense if they played something less 80’s.

NO ROB VAN DAM. DON’T GET DISTRACTED BY THIS REPORTER! SHE’S USING YOU TO GET INTO THE KUMITE! OH MY GOD THEY SHOWED HIS BUTT! I tried to make Brandon rewind it so I could see that shit again but he wouldn’t. Rob Van Dam has a butt that just won’t quit. Its rock-solid gold. He should have showered before he left. Now he’s probably got sex stank smell which is only going to get worse when he is fighting. Oh no now his girlfriend reporter is with another man. When she said “this isn’t the first time Ive had to go undercover to get a story” right in front of everyone I was like, what the fuck lady? You are the worst reporter in history. Do you even know what undercover means?! It means not telling everyone that you’re undercover. You stupid idiot.

More montages with 80s music. The guy that never loses is so broad and massive. How does he even hold up his arms. I didn’t watch the part where he broke that other guys leg cause I think I might have spewed. But then they cut back to the reporter lady and she got out her tape recorder in front of everyone. This lady is a real piece of work. Rob Van Dam is going to have to save her at some point in this movie. I can just tell.

I wish they showed more fight scenes with Rob Van Dam cause he is amazing. He’s so quick. Where is he from? They keep saying he is American but I don’t think he is. Is he where Arnie is from? Or is he where Rambo is from?

When Rob Van Dam was fighting the big guy and he punched him in the balls, I thought the crowd would turn on him cause’ that’s a bit dirty but it turns out they liked him more after that. I got real sad when the big bad guy beat The Hound and stole his headband. I think Rob Van Dam is going to get the headband back and its going to be really symbolic.

Another montage of Rob Van Dam training. He literally has 0% body fat. When they showed him on The Peak, Brandon explained that across the water was China! I didn’t realise how close China was! That’s pretty cool.

I really like how every time Rob Van Dam is in casual clothes, he’s wearing high waisted pants with a collar shirt tucked in. He pulls it off for sure. I don’t think anybody else could. Now they are all back in the arena and the army guys and that stupid reporter lady came in to watch. She seems happy when Rob Van Dam kicks kick boxers ass but its like, bitch, you just told on him cause you didn’t want him to fight. Make up your mind you stupid idiot!

Oh no! Big bad killed someone. Come on now. There’s no need for that. Surely they have to call it off and extradite him. Everyone seems so sad about it. Are they praying for the man that died? I think they are praying for him. That’s nice.

Now it’s the main event and Rob Van Dam is looking calm. But what did big bad put in his shorts? It looked like a tablet or something. I’m scared and I didn’t really wanna watch this part but Rob Van Dam opened the fight with a swift kick to the throat hole which was sick as fuck. Why did they make the ring like a skate ramp. OH IT WAS SALT THE BIG BAD PUT IN HIS EYE! Lucky he learnt how to fight and pour tea with a eye mask on. He just has to centre himself now and remember his training. Come on son. Now hes had his little freak out and flash backs he’s ready to KICK SOME FUCKING ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. GET IT! YOU’RE FUCKED NOW, BIG BAD! LOOK AT HIS WINDMILL KICKS! Can someone explain to me why there were cat sounds all through the fighting though cause that was really distracting.

This movie seems too outrageous to be based on a true story but it was! WTF!

I did really like this movie although I thought most of what was going to happened seemed pretty obvious. Like when he got The Hounds headscarf back and stuff. I think I would like to watch more Rob Van Dam movies in the future. Four stars!

[minniereview]

Hackers

Before we turned on the movie, Brandon asked me what I thought it was going to be about. I said “computer sci-fi”. I mean, what else would it be about? I heard Angelina Jolie was in it so I thought it was going to be like an action sci-fi so I was pretty excited. I am pretty sure Angelina Jolie has done lots of action movies but I haven’t seen any. She’s very beautiful.

Then the opening credits popped up and it looked like it was from the 1980s. I was worried because I haven’t had good experiences with movies made in the 1980s. But then Brandon said it was made in the 90s. How do you reckon you can tell if a movie was made in the 1990s? For me it’s probably the glasses. They always wear round glasses.

At the start when that little boy was in court, I thought it was bad that the judge fined the family 45 thousand dollars. I mean, the mum and dad didn’t even do anything wrong. He’s like 8. He makes his own decisions. I didn’t really understand how the computer ban would be monitored. I thought it looked cool in the opening credits when they were flying over New York and it all changed into like a computer board thingy.

When the computer main guy was hacking the TV network, I thought that wasn’t very believable. I feel like hacking into a TV network would be harder and I don’t think the guy should have done it while he was wearing sunglasses. He’s inside. It’s not like anybody can see how cool he looks while hacking into the TV network. I think the security guard did a shit job.

After the first couple of scenes I realised that this movie wasn’t an action movie. I was a bit confused about the main computer dude and how he could be in school. I mean, he looked like he was 30 and that lady doesn’t look old enough to be his mum. After watching for a little longer I worked out that this guy is a dick. He drank soft drink for breakfast. I’m not down with that. Then when he went to his new school he interrupted some dude who was on the phone where the principal’s office was when there was about 100 people around who weren’t on the phone he could have asked. I didn’t realise rollerblading was so popular in the 1990s. They wear a lot of space clothes in this movie. I don’t remember wearing space clothes when I was alive in the 1990s. I got through a bit more of the movie and I hated the main computer guy even more. Especially when he said to his mum “do you want me to mow the grass, oh I forgot no grass”… it’s like, as if you would even mow anyway you stupid jerk.

I like the guy from Scream. Was he in many movies or just movies in the 1990s? I wonder what he’s doing now. I thought it was funny when he licked his finger and rubbed it around his nipple. I try to do that to Brandon from time to time but he doesn’t like it.

Why is everyone wearing glasses in this movie!?!? I don’t understand this movie. When you hack a computer I don’t think it looks like how they showed it with all the graphics... I don’t really know how to explain it. Like at the end and they were in the bad guys computer and it was all lighting up and stuff? I don’t really understand what’s going on in this movie. What does the big company do that the bad guy works for? But then, is the bad guy really the bad guy if he is just trying to protect a company from hackers? That would make the kids the bad guys. That makes more sense to me. Then at the end of the movie I understood why he was the bad guy.

Was it a popular movie? I don’t really like it much. Brandon said I would like it but I feel like there would be much better hacker movies.

In the scene at Angelina’s house and the main computer guy was just going through her computer. You can’t just go through peoples shit like that. She doesn’t even like him at this point!!! If I had a party and had an amazing computer, even if I had a shit computer, and I saw someone going through it, I would be so angry. She just went over and was all fine about it. She’s a weird lady.

Here are some other bits I didn’t get.

Where the main police man got arrested… isn’t he like the head of the police or something? Shouldn’t the other police guy know who the main police guy was and realised that the chargers was a mistake?  

And then when the main guy gave the bad guy the yellow disc and he was riding on a skateboard holding the limo? Just ride in the fucking limo. You look like an idiot. AND THEN THE MAIN GUY RAN AFTER THE BAD GUY HOLDING ONTO THE LIMO RIDING HIS SKATEBOARD BUT HE JUST STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AFTER RUNNING FOR LIKE 2 SECONDS? WTF?

Who is this older black guy (can I say that?) that’s hanging out with the kids? He looks like he is about 40. I think it’s weird that a 40 year old man was hanging out with a whole bunch of kids.

Why does Angelina wear so many rash vests? She’s wearing like Billabong ones… did they just not know what those were used for back then?

I don’t think I will watch this movie again. Maybe it was cool in the 1990s but this is 2015 and I think if other people watched it for the first time in 2015 they would have a lot of questions about it, too.

[minniereview]

Back to the Future. Pt 1

This week I watched Back to the Future with my buddies. The first one. I think there are three. I will get around to those at some point.

I didn’t really know what to expect when this movie started. I know it is a pretty popular movie, and I guess I see why. I mean, here are some pretty fucked up things in this movie which I will go over. I thought not having music at the start was a bit of a weird choice. And what was with all the clocks? Was that supposed to represent time? I know clocks represent time but I don’t get why he had so many. It’s not like he was keeping track of all the different times all over the world because all the alarms went off at the same time!

I assumed this house at the start belonged to some sort of science dude because of the dog feeder and the toast machine. He doesn’t seem like he is a good science guy at this point because the toast was burnt and the dog feeder kept putting food in the bowl even when there was too much. He could have put a sensor in the bowl to stop that. Also, hiding plutonium under your bed… probably not the best idea.

Then Jamie Fox came into the picture. At this point I will just explain that I asked my friends to put the movie on pause so I could ask a question. I thought the main guy was called Jamie Fox and when I asked them a question about him, nobody corrected me… but they laughed. I thought they were laughing at my question. My lovely friend Hannah told me his name is Michael J Fox. She is the best. I also thought maybe his name was Jamie Lee Fox but Brandon said I was getting confused between Jamie Foxx, Jamie Lee Curtis and Michael J Fox. You can see how I got confused…. I will still be referring to Michael J Fox as Jamie Fox throughout this review.

Anyway, Jamie Fox came into the picture. When he stood in front of that big speaker and played the guitar and he shot backwards, do you think that was really him? It looked like it would have really hurt! I laughed when he was like “8:25? I’m late for school!” because he looked like he was about 27. Did he mean uni? No he did not.

One thing I noticed about this movie was that everyone had really bad neck wrinkles and Jennifer was a really bad actress. I guess this movie was supposed to be 80s, right? I mean, it was made in the 80s and they were wearing 80s clothes. Do hipsters nowadays dress like this because they love this movie so much? Is this how it started?

When they were all sitting down at family dinner they all looked pretty geeky. Not that there is anything wrong with that but they made it a bit over the top. At the end of the movie I understand why they did this. I thought the dad was hot. He looked like he was from the 1960s but living in the 80s. At the end when the family was all cool and stuff, I feel like the dad was less hot. Were rockabilly types not hot in the 80s? Was it all about power suits, big shoulder pads, fly-away hair with fake tans?

Why do you think they chose a DeLorean for the car? Is it because it looked futuristic because of how the doors opened? Did you know that they used to ship drugs in DeLorean’s?

My friend Phil that was over had not seen this movie either. He said he was impressed by the fact that there were a couple of swears in the movie. Are they allowed to swear in 80s movies because the mad scientist said shit! So far my favourite actor in this film is the dog. He is obviously the best.

I thought that the part where the car disappeared looked super cool. The flame looked really fake but the other part looked really realistic. I didn’t really get why the truck said ‘24 hour scientist services’ ON IT.  I mean what science services would a normal house need?? That part was unnecessary.

I found the relationship between Jamie Fox and the weird scientist dude strange.... he’s about 70 and he is supposed to be a teenager in school – like a jock or something. They didn’t even go into how they knew each other. I hope they go over that in one of the next films. It seems like it would be important to know.

I don’t know what plutonium looks like but I thought it would be more exciting than what they showed.

Why are the Libyans in a combi, I feel like they could be playing not explorer music when they shot white haired dude.

I laughed a lot when people in the olden days were laughing at Jamie Fox’s vest and calling it a life jacket. It was a totally different time back then wasn’t it? When you could just leave your bike wherever and not tie it up and it get stolen. Now people just either steal the wheel or take the bike seat off. People are arseholes.

There were lots of things I didn’t understand in this movie… for example… The doctor looks exactly the same in 1955 than what he did in 1985. Does that mean he is like 100 in 1985? And when Jamie Fox plugged in the camera to the TV in 1955, how did that even work because surely they didn’t have like the output or input to the TV so he could plug his camera in? That doesn’t seem right. And also when the bully was like “make like tree and get out of here”? What does that even mean?

The other thing is, this movie is supposed to be a family movie but its super racist and rapey. And don’t even get me started on the whole incest thing with Jamie Fox’s mum.

I am glad I watched this movie even though I didn’t get some of it. I get a lot of references now so instead of looking blankly I can be like… “I GET IT!” I said that multiple times when I was watching the movie. I hope there are less holes in the other movies.

There are some final thoughts:

Wouldn’t you set the clock like 5 minutes before he got shot because then you wouldn’t have to watch him die again?

If the Dr knew that he came up with the calculation of whatever for time travel in the 1950’s, why didn’t he remember Jamie Fox? I get that that didn’t happen yet but then how did he remember that he invented it? I am not sure that this makes sense…

THE PART WHERE JAMIE FOX WAS LIKE “OH I HAVE A TIME MACHINE! I CAN GO BACK TO WHATEVER TIME I WANT!” NO SHIT YOU FUCKING IDIOT! YOU WENT BACK TO THE 1950’S IN A FUCKING TIME MACHINE YOU DING DONG! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN FORGET THAT! FUCK.

The part where the Dr was trying to plug the plugs back together was too dramatic

Did they get the idea of the antenna hanging from the car from how trams run in the last part?

I thought the Dr could have been more thankful Jamie Fox wrote him that note, practically saving his life.

[minniereview]

Three Kings

A few weeks ago I watched a movie called Three Kings. Brandon told me it was a funny movie but I really didn’t find it that funny at all. I don’t know if he was joking or not… I pretty much had my hands over my face the whole time. I guess there were some funny bits… but not many.

At the start I thought George Clooney looked really hot. Well, he is hot, but he looked young hot in this movie. When Mark Wahlberg came on the screen I didn’t realise it was him. Last week I asked my friends why his nickname was Marky Mark. Did you guys know that he was in a boy band called New Kids on The Block in like the 80s? Or was it the 90s? Anyway, I guess he was the original Justin Timberlake. It just seems weird because he doesn’t seem like he would be in a boy band.  Sorry, I’m getting off topic…

Speaking of Marky Mark, I don't he was a very good soldier in this movie. Like at the start when that guy was waving a white flag and then he just shot him! He seemed like he legitimately wanted to surrender. I also thought that Marky Mark was super racist, like when they were at the party and he was wearing the robe and stuff. And also all those times he called them towel heads.

Remember that part with the map in that guys butthole? And Marky Mark was telling the other guy to pull it out and he was freaking out a bit? I didn’t really get that. I mean, he kept going on about wanting to kill someone and that but I would much rather pick a bit of paper out of a guy’s butthole than kill someone!!!! It wasn’t even that far up his butt! What a pussy.

I hated that reporter, the one that was nagging all the time. You know the one who was mean to the other lady reporter who had sex with George Clooney. That mean reporter shouldn't be angry at that the other reporter, she should be congratulating her on hooking up with a super-hot dude. What a bitch. But then she did something cool in the end, I can’t remember what it was but I forgave her for all the shitty things she said. I am pretty sure Ice Cube plays the same character in every movie he is in. Just a straight up G. He is so cool. I bet he is really cool in real life too. I hope I can fist bump him one day or whatever OG’s do.

I thought this movie had a really good soundtrack but I also thought there were too many drum solos. There was about 50 drum solos in this movie. I liked the part when they tricked the bad guys into thinking that Saddam was coming and they were playing Baby Please Don’t Go by Van Morrison.

I thought in some parts the movie was really nice, like when they gave food and water to the people. But there were other parts that didn’t make sense. Like, where did they get all their ammo from? It seemed like they were wasting a lot of bullets… and when the dudes were trying to find the gold and they only left one guy out the front. That probably wasn’t a good idea! What soldier would go into a place to look around COVERED in blood? NOBODY! The was was supposed to have finished!!!! And why was it called Three Kings when there were four of them? I know one of them died. That was really sad. But I didn’t get that bit either. He was shot in the fucking collar bone. He didn’t have to die! I was so sad in that part. But it was nice they took the body away and did a traditional funeral. I think that’s what it was.  

I thought the shootout scenes were really realistic but I don’t think I liked this movie very much. I don’t think I will watch it again. It was very stressful. Here are a few final thoughts: -       I did like the part where the guys in the masks looked like Sand People

-       I think being a solider in the desert would be hard. You’d get heaps of dust in your fingernails and dust in your eyes all the time. That would be so annoying.

-      Those vintage cars were a WASTE in the desert. You would have to wash them every day! Where do they even get that kind of water from?

-      One of the guys looked like Waleed Aly. He was cool

-       I thought at the end when they said George was a military consultant for Hollywood that they should have shown a scene with with him teaching Arnie or someone like that some moves.

[minniereview]

Alien

I watched Alien for the first time and I really liked it but I thought it was pretty scary, too. I liked how at the start the name of the movie came up but real slow like so you kind of had to guess what it was going to say but I guess people already knew what it was going to say because the movie is called Alien….

I thought the spaceship looked like one of the Star Wars ship a bit. Do you think they use the same one?

When they were in that hydroponic chamber sleepy thingy (is that what it’s called?) did they have nappies on? It kind of looked like they had nappies on but they didn’t look very absorbent. Or do tubes go into their parts? I would guess that they were asleep for a long time because they seemed like they were pretty far away from planet earth. Did they put the cat in the sleep chamber thingy too? I am glad they didn’t show it with tubes up its bum…

I thought it was pretty bad that some of them smoked in the spaceship because I know not all of them smoked. They should have had some sort of smoking room where they could go… like what they have at pubs and stuff. It’s just a bit respectful I guess to the other space guys that don’t smoke. And I also thought that maybe it would affect the computer equipment too. And also, why did they have a wind chime in the spaceship?!

There was a part there when they heard some sort of transmission and one of the dudes was angry because he just wanted to go home and was arguing that it wasn’t in his contract but his contract did say if they found other life they would have to go investigate and it’s like… maybe you should have read your contract properly to see what it said about GOING AFTER ALIENS YOU STUPID IDIOT! I was so confused when they did try to find alien life because my friend told me it was only a mining ship… They didn’t even have any spaceship guns or anything so if anything started attacking them then they would be pretty fucked, you know?

I think they could have explained better what happened to the ship when they landed because they didn’t even say that the transmission they were getting was from a planet. I thought it was just from another ship or whatever. At this point I was thinking; you basically just invaded some aliens home and maybe they thought you were coming to kill them so if you die, it’s definitely your own fault.

Shit started to get real as they got out and started wondering around the planet trying to find stuff out. Then they saw that massive fuck off alien ship and it’s like, you should leave now. Obviously that ship wasn’t human made! You are not ready for this, team! You need more people! You need more weapons! YOU HAVE JUST LANDED ON A PLANET YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT! NOW YOU ARE GOING TO DIE! I did laugh though when one of them found the egg baby alien pit and he fake-fell down into it. It was so fake… he did not do a good job of acting in that part. They could have at least got a stunt double to fall in it.

Bilbo fucking Baggins. Wasn’t that guy a dick? I was really confused for ages because I thought, how could someone be that much of an arsehole… When Ripley was like “I know what the code is! It’s a warning! You gotta tell them whats going on” and he was all like “they’ll know if it’s a warning” I knew then that he was a massive dick. He should have told them what Ripley found out. He pretty much killed everyone right then. But then he let the people exploring the planet back on the ship even though Ripley said no. THAT’S when he fucked everyone. He fucked them so hard. Bloody Bilbo.

In that part when the alien jumped onto the mask I got really scared and realised why people call them face huggers... when they got him back to the ship and tried to cut the tentacles off and its acid blood went through the floor, I wondered how it missed the guys head, you know? Because the tentacle was ON his head... surely a bit of acid blood went on him?

I really like Ripley. I think she is a badass and she doesn’t let people tell her what to do even one someone is outside with an alien on their face. She plays by the rules because that’s what you gotta do in outer space otherwise you will die.

I was so scared when they found Kane all alive and seemly okay. I didn’t understand how he was still alive… I wondered why the alien kill him and thought maybe the alien just wanted a hug. Then I felt better when they were sitting around have a nice meal but then that Kane guy started having a seizure and I knew some shit was about to go down…. then an alien came out of his belly and I screamed. It looked so real. I thought for a movie so old it looked really good. But yeah, that bit was fucked up.

After that everyone was just kind of standing around and I was thinking… WHY AREN’T THEY FUCKING TRYING TO FIND THE THING THAT CAME OUT OF ITS BELLY?! WHY ARE THEY SO CALM? THEIR FRIEND JUST DIED HORRIFICLY. The crew seem awfully composed after seeing something really disturbing. I think they should have been more freaked out in that part but maybe they were in shock. I dunno. I would have been trying to find that little baby alien than worrying about wrapping up and shooting the dead guys body out of the ship.

I really liked how the movie didn’t have that much music in it. I thought it made the movie really intense. I think it make it seem more intense because like... if you were there, you wouldn’t be hearing music so I guess it makes it more realistic. You know when the guy was looking for the cat; did anybody else notice a faint heartbeat in the background? I don’t know if that actually happened or if it was my heart beating really loud because I was so nervous but it sounded awesome.

So another thing, HOW DID THE ALIEN GET SO BIG?! IT WAS IN THAT MANS BELLY AS A BABY AND THEN LIKE 2 MINUTES LATER IT WAS TWICE THE SIZE OF A PERSON!! Is it because they age really fast? Would it get even bigger than that over time? What about when they first went into the other spaceship at the start and they found that skeleton… was that one alien that got to like giant octopus size? I don’t know but if someone could please tell me that would be good because I got confused about that part.

I didn’t really understand some of the technology part. I find it funny that the captain guy was asking the computer questions and it was smart enough to answer yet they didn’t even have flat screens and it looked like they were using MS-DOS as the ships operating system. And also, why didn’t they have little two way radios so they could talk to one another? I mean, they had a full-fledged robot that looked like a person and was like a doctor or whatever. I thought that part could have been thought about better.

Here are some more thoughts I had about the movie in dot form that I wrote while I was watching the last part when there were only three of them left:

- Why did the captain go into the air vent with just a flame thrower? I mean, this alien is obviously way advanced. I feel like fire probably won’t kill it. Why didn’t he go in with his guns??

- Where are the bodies of hat guy and Dallas?

- Why can’t they just lock themselves in one of the rooms until they get back to earth?

- OH WHAT science guy is Bilbo Baggins!

- Was Bilbo a robot? I don’t understand... was he an alien? Oh he’s a robot.

- When there was only 3 of them left I thought that this was probably a good time to stick together because the alien really only picked them off one at a time. Maybe if they fought together they could kill it

- WHY DID THE ALIEN STICK ITS TENTICAL UP THE LADIES BUTT?

- GET THE CAT! WHAT ABOUT THE CAT!

- OH now I understand why Bilbo let the alien in... cause he was a robot and he wanted to take the alien back to earth! What a dick

- WTF WHERE DID IT COME FROM?? WHY CANT IT GET OUT? WHY ARE ITS TEETH SLIVER? WHY CANT SHE BURN IT WITH THE FLAME THROWER????? WHY IS SHE GETTING IN THE SUIT?! Don’t even take your eyes off it for one second because it will disappear like in a second flat, Ripley! DON’T DIE!

I like this movie even though it was quite stressful. I think Ripley survived because she obeyed the rules instead of those other guys. I was worried though that the cat had alien baby in it. I know there is another movie called Aliens so I can only assume that the sequal is about the alien coming out of the cats tummy and messing everything up. I think that because there was one scene where the alien was looking in the cat container towards the end, so it just makes sense that this is what the sequel is about. I think the alien got a pretty bad wrap. I mean, he did send out a warning signal. I understand why they made him look like the bad guy but I don’t reckon he is….

I thought the special effects where really cool for a movie that old but I didn’t like how you could tell that the alien (when it was big) was just a guy in an alien suit. You could tell this because it had normal people fingers and arms.

Ripley forgot to tell the people in her sign off message that she had the cat with her. She should have told them that.

[minniereview]

Twins

Today I watched Twins for the first time ever. Here is my review.

At the start I didn’t think I would really like this movie much. I mean, a comedy about a science project where 6 dads and a lady had twins…. 6 dads? How does that even work? Did they take little bits of each of the 6 men’s sperm and glue them together? I did end up liking it, though. I thought this movie was about 2 babies that have grown up voices and go on adventures but I guess that is a different one.

Arnie looks good in this movie. My sister said that he is beautiful. I would have to agree! I thought it was a bit mean how the scientist waited until Arnies 35th birthday to tell him he has a twin. That’s crazy. It was a bit mean that they sent one twin to the foster home and one to that island. How did they know that Arnie was the good one? He was just a giant baby! He could have turned out like the Hulk or something but in a bad way. I thought the part with Arnie leaving the island to look for his brother was a bit funny. I mean, the boat he was in was going real fast and I get that they were trying to make it seem like he was real strong and making it go that fast but the boat obviously had a motor in the back of it because you could see the waves!

Then I was introduced to Danny. I’m sorry but why would you cheat on your husband with Danny Devito. He’s not very good looking and he doesn’t know how parking fines work. He got one on his windshield and just chucked it away! They would probably just send him one in the mail. And the way he begged his ex-girlfriend for money just after he had sex with some other lady?! Gross!

I thought the scientist was a bit silly for letting Arnie go to America on his own. Someone should have really gone with him. I know he is super smart and everything but it would be like sending a child into a big city by themselves. He was very naïve. I liked it how he was walking down Hollywood Boulevard eating all the different foods. That’s probably what I would do too. You know the part where he stood in front of the Rambo poster? Did Arnie and Sylvester get along or not really because they were both really big dudes with accents in big action movies around the same time?

Danny wasn’t a very nice person in most of this movie like when he got a present from his receptionist and then he put it straight in the bin! I know he didn’t have a very good up bringing but that doesn’t mean he gets to be a jerk. And then that part when Danny got arrested by the police man for initially parking in a handicapped zone (and then mouthing off) and police man was all like… “you cant park there, you have no handicapped sticker” and Danny was all like… “do I look normal to you?!”; that was a bit rough. Just because you are short doesn’t mean that you are handicapped, Danny Divto!

I thought it was cool when the bad guy pushed Danny Devito through the glass door. Do you think that he did his own stunts? Are there really short stuntmen? You know in the part where Arnie picks up the bad guy by the shirt and lifts him off the ground, do you think that actually happened? And when Arnie picked up the back of the car, did that happen too? He’s pretty strong. I think he could probably lift the back of a car up.

I reckon Arnie would have eaten Danny in the womb if he was the bad one. That’s what it kind of looks like anyway. When they met for the first time in jail I thought it was weird that Arnie didn’t find it strange that they look so different. Arnie was supposed to be the smart one! I think if I saw them in real life and they told me they were twins I wouldn’t believe them. I mean, surely that can’t be possible, right? Or do they look so different because they are like test tube babies with 6 different dads?

Arnies teeth are very white in this movie. I know in movies made in the 80s they didn’t really whiten their teeth so I guess this movie wasn’t made in the 80s but it kinda looks like they are in the 80s because of the hair and the clothes the ladies wear. Was this movie made before or after Terminator? Because in one part he said to the Dr ‘I’ll be back’ and I am sure that he grinned a little bit! Maybe he was referring to the Terminator movie….

I was almost half way through the movies and I am not sure how the car thing works. I think that could be explained better. And what does Danny owe money for? The cars?

I don’t really get why they put Arnie on the Island. I guess they wanted to make a supreme being like Leeloo in the Fifth Element but why keep him on the Island for 35 years? What were they going to do with him? They made him do all these studies and he can speak all of these different languages but it seemed like they were just going to keep him on that island with the weird scientist dude! They could have brought him a lady friend or something. I also don’t understand why their mum thought that she only had one baby and it died at birth? I mean, she knew about the experiment and everything. Surely you would know if you had 2 babies come out of your vagina.

I thought the part where the twins went shopping and got the same clothes and then Danny taught Arnie how to strut and dance was really cute. And then Arnie had his first kiss with that lady at the bar and he was so happy that he did it right that he picked her up and spun her around!

Is Danny Devito a midget? I haven’t seen a lot of things with him in it so I never really knew how small he was. Like, I knew he was shot but not if he is legally a midget or not. I think he is a really great actor. Like when he was skipping around his lounge room saying “5 million dollars!”. I really believed that he was going to get 5 million dollars! But then at the end of the movie when Danny  and Arnie were writing cheques to pay off Danny’s debts he kept saying he missed out on 4 million dollars… but it was 5 million! That was poor.

I liked this movie. I really liked how they had the same mannerisms and at the end (spoiler alert) they both had a set of twins and they found their mum!!! It was a pretty cute movie. I think I will watch it again sometime.

My favourite quote was “I did nothing! The pavement was his enemy!”

[minniereview]

Top Gun

On Wednesday I watched Top Gun for the first time and I have to be honest.... I didn't like it that much. I thought there were some pretty big holes in the story and I have a lot of questions. I didn't understand if it was supposed to be an action movie or a romance movie either. I guess there were some cool things about it, though like at the start where they got up real close to the fighter planes when they were taking off on the boat: it was like they stuck a go-pro to the wings but I don't think they had go-pros back then so I'm not really sure how they did it. 

Do you think that they hired fighter planes and one of those big boats from the airforce for the movie or if they just got footage from somewhere else? I reckon that would have cost a lot of money if they did hire them but you'd think that they would have gotten a better writer as well if they were gonna spend all that money. I felt like at the start there was a lot of things that could have been explained better. Like when they were up in the air using the army/airforce lingo, how they got their nicknames and which ones the enemy planes were. That was a bit confusing. And who were they fighting?! They should have made the enemy planes a different color like they did with lightsabers in Star Wars. I thought some of the stunts where a bit outrageous like at the start when Tom Cruise and Goose flew directly over the enemy plane but upside-down. As it that would ever happen! Maybe those gymnastic pilots could do it over one another but I highly doubt you could do that over an enemy plane. Also, why did Goose have a polaroid camera?! What is his job anyway? Is he like a human R2-D2? At the start when the best pilot freaked out I thought that scene was a bit rubbish. If you were the best you wouldn't get wigged out if a bad guy locked onto your plane. He also put his R2 in danger because he wouldn't land the plane on the boat. He was obviously a bit shit. Then he just gave his badge in to the boss and said he couldn't do it anymore but I don't think that's how it works in the airforce. You can't just say "oh I quit now" and hand your shit in. 

 I liked Val Kilmer in this movie. I thought he was the best actor in it and he should have been in it more. Or he should have had Tom Cruises part but I guess Val has a better bad guy face. I didn't like that he always wore his sun glasses inside, though. I liked his R2 unit but I liked Tom Cruises one more. I thought that it was pretty obvious he was going to die in the movie. Tom C was very dangerous and I think if he was a little more patient with going to shoot that other plane in the testing part he wouldn't have been caught in Vals wind or whatever and Goose wouldn't have died. Tom C was just a massive dick and very arrogant. Like when he kept requesting fly-by's and even though they denied it, he did it anyway! He should have been fired for that. And when he went over to that ladies house for their first date cause she was going to cook him dinner and then told her that he was going to take a shower when he rocked up without even asking permission! What!? You have to shower before you go on a date! You don't even know this lady! Just because you sang her a song in a bar doesn't mean that you get to be an asshole. You could have showered but instead you played beach volleyball IN JEANS! What was that scene about anyway? Brandon said it was for the ladies and gay men but I can think of a lot of other sexy sports they could have played. And it would have been a lot hotter if they didn't wear jeans. They had good bodies though. 

I also thought it was really bad when Tom C threw Gooses dog tags into the ocean. He shouldn't of got those in the first place. Maybe his wife and kid would have liked them! Dick move. There was also a bit where he said he didn't know much about his dad then later on he said that he was the best pilot in the airforce. Get your story straight! They could have dove into that a bit more. Airforce people said it was classified information regarding how his dad died but it didn't even need to be classified! His plane got shot down... that happens all the time! It wasn't like he was doing anything super special. It didn't really make any sense to me. Like his relationship with that lady. I thought she wasn't a good actress. I think Gooses wife was Meg Ryan. She sure looked like it. She should have played the part of Tom Cs gf. 

 I don't know if this movie was very popular or not. Maybe people just like it because it was really corny but I'm sure there were other movies that came out that year that would have been much better. I know Aliens was also made in 1986 and I haven't seen it but from what I know of it I would much prefer to watch that. Or ones with better love stories or better war movies and also better actors. The whole time I was waiting for something to happen and it never did.

[minniereview]

Nightmare on Elm St.

Last night I watched Nightmare on Elm street for the first time ever and I really enjoyed it! At the start I had my hand resting on Brandon's genital area (not in a sexual way, I just like to rest my hand there sometimes because it's comfortable) and I accidentally squeezed it and squealed in one part! I felt really bad. I didn't realise there would be jumpy parts in it. I had the idea that it was going to be a corny horror movie but I was wrong... I wish I didn't watch it at night because I was terrified about falling asleep and I tried really hard to stay awake. Luckily I didn't have any bad dreams and I didn't wake up with my guts everywhere.

I could tell straight away that the movie was made in the 80s from the music. Do you think that in the future when people watch movies made around this time, they'll know when it was made because of the music? Or is it just 80s movies? I think it might just be 80s movies.

Anyway, I thought Tina was going to be the main character until she got all sliced up. I thought she was a bit of an idiot because she kinda knew from the first dream that the dreams could hurt her and in the second dream when Freddy was calling her she went outside, without any weapons, and like got all fucked up. I thought it was really awesome when it went back to reality and you could see invisible Freddy slash her tummy with his fingers. The close up of the slashing looked really shit, though. I think that part let the scene down because the rest of it was brutal.... when she was on the roof and blood was going everywhere! Gross! There was so much blood!

Anyway, I thought Nancy was a bit of a fridget. I mean, Johnny Depp was her boyfriend! She should have been all up in that shit. I thought she was a really bad actress and they could have gotten someone a lot better but I still thought the movie was rad. I just think it could have been radder. She was fake crying a lot and there weren't even any tears!!! It would have been scarier if there were real tears. I also would have liked it if Nancy wore a bra. I mean, she's 15..... that is old enough to own at least one bra or even a sports bra! Nancy's mum was a jerk.

I really liked the the scene where Freddy's arm came out of the water when Nancy was in the bath. It looked like his arm was coming out of her vagina or butt hole. I giggled.

When Freddy killed Johnny Depp I got upset because I pictured him in a meat grinder. I assume that's what happened because they didn't show it. There was so much blood for that scene. Maybe too much because I don't think a 16 year old could have that much blood in their body!

The next scene Nancy was setting up the house with booby traps. She turned into a bit of a bad ass at the end. That part reminded me of Home Alone where Kevin was putting up boobie traps for the robbers that were coming to get him. I thought it was lame when she started praying though and she was holding the cross and stuff. I mean, Jesus isn't going to save you from Freddy. Do you think he cares about Jesus? No. He's a child murderer. He isn't a vampire! Praying and holding a cross isn't going to do anything, you idiot!

I was confused with the ending. I think I am going to have to watch it again, or maybe watch the next movie. Brandon told me there is a movie called Freddy vs Jason. He explained who Jason was and it sounds super scary! I am going to watch that but I think I should watch that during the day with a lot of other people.

[minniereview]

Escape from New York

Last night I watched Escape from New York for the first time and I was a little worried about it. I really like all of the 80's movies I've seen so far (except for Weekend at Bernies.... I'm still mad at you for making me watch that, Monkey), so I thought there must be some bad ones coming up. This was okay, but there were a lot of holes in the story. I actually made 5 pages of notes but I will just go over the main things that I thought was a little off.

The movie is set in the 90's and they've sent all the criminals to Manhattan and they closed it off so you can't get out and then set up all police stations around the outside. But then they somehow got this lady on the presidents plane and crashed it into the island so they could hold him for ransom and demand that they all be freed or they'll kill him. He had a pod on the plane but he didn't eject in time so he landed on the island too. What an idiot.

First of all, I don't think it was a good idea to put all the bad guys in one place without supervision. I know it's probably cheaper but something bad like this was bound to happen! And also, theres so much cool stuff to do on Manhattan and they just closed it off and dumped a whole bunch of bad guys on there and messed it all up? Why didn't they put them on Alcatraz? Secondly, there were only a few ladies on there. It's not safe for them and even though they probably did bad things, they shouldn't be put in that situation. Thirdly, if they had put all the criminals from all around the world on the Island, there would have been WAY more people on it and I didn't see any French people or Australians or Italians or anything like that. They should have thought about that more. And how do they get food? They will totally end up eating each other and that's against the law. 

I thought the main character looked like Patrick Swayze. I didn't really understand his character because at the start they made him out to be some awesome army guy who won purple hearts and all that but then he gets in there and he just walked around with his massive gun and weird outfit like he owned the shop. They were all like 'you gotta get in quietly and you only go 23 hours or your neck will explode!'. He didn't even try being sneaky. He came in on this weird stealth plane that made HEAPS of noise. He could have just parachuted down from the first plane! His outfit was very distracting. His pants looked like they were leggings and he had shiny knee high boots on. Not very tough. And at the end when the president stopped the rope from being pulled up so he could shoot the Duke, he just kinda hung there. If he was a real army man he could have climbed up that rope! I did like the part where they gave him the bat with the nails in it and he fucked that guy up. That was brutal. 

I thought some part's were really unrealistic. I think they had been sending criminals to that island for a long time but they still had petrol to run the cars. The Dukes car was stupid. A pearl white paint job with chandeliers on the side mirrors? Come on. I wanted the Duke to be that cool huge Mexican guy or Wesley Snipes.... or Biggy. I think Biggy did movies. He would have made a good Duke. 

I thought the ending was a bit lame. I mean, the president told Patrick Swayze that he could have whatever he wanted but all he asked was a question. He said something like; 'all these people died and I wanna know how you feel about it' or some shit. He wants to know his feelings? What a pussy. Why does he even care? He didn't know those people and a lot of them tried to kill him! He knew the Brain but that guy was a jerk! Brains lady, was she out of Ghost Busters? She has some huge cans! Anyway, my point is he could have had anything he wanted but he just ends up asking a stupid question that doesn't really matter. And then he was like 'don't call me snake' or something to the police commissioner when at the start of the movie HE introduced himself as snake!!!??? What!?

I thought it was an okay movie but a lot of it didn't make sense to me. I know there is another one called Escape from L.A which I will watch and review later. I hope they put their thinking caps on for this one!

[minniereview]

The Walking Dead

I wrote up a little something to put up about the walking dead. Do you think we should put this up: 

(Monkey's Note: Yes, yes we should.)

I had a zombie dream last night. I remember waking up in a panic and saying 'I had a bad dream' over and over. Brandon shushed and petted me at the same time and I fell back to sleep. I remembered later on when I woke up again that The Walking Dead starts up again in like, 4 days. I don't think I got through the first season without crying but after a while I got used to the zombies... kinda like how I got used to eating chilli recently: it was an emotional rollercoaster. At first I didn’t want to do it because I was scared, but then I manned up and did, I pooped a lot and cried more than normal… but after a while it became a part of me.

Because I haven't seen any zombies for so long, I am getting scared again. I am worried about the nervous poos, nightmares and the general terror I feel before, during and after the show. But I can’t stop. I have to know what happens.

Shut up, Carl.  

[minniereview]

Rambo

Last night I watched Rambo for the first time ever and I really enjoyed it. It was the first time I had ever seen a movie with Sylvester Stallone in it and I know he has done a lot of movies so I got a bit confused as to which one this was. I knew that he did some boxing movies so I thought it was that one but my friends told me that those movies are actually called Rocky, not Rambo. I then thought maybe it was about him rock climbing because I know he does a rock climbing one but my boyfriend said that that was a different movie again so I went into this movie knowing nothing.

At the start of the movie I got real sad when he went to visit his friend and then found out his friend was dead and then he was just walking along the side of the road on his own in the cold. I think the lady he was talking to was the friends mum? She was acting like her son was a criminal and seemed mad that he had died. It wasn’t his fault he got cancer! Stop being a bitch!

Rambo seems like a nice, soft-spoken young man who was a little depressed because he was in the war and all of his friends were dead. Sure, his hair was a bit long and he looked like a bit of a hipster but he wasn’t causing any trouble when he walked into that little town! Then that jerk sheriff was like “I gotta keep this boring town safe” then drove him to the edge of town when all Rambo wanted was a burger and a place to rest. All of those cops were really mean except the ranga one which I found funny because haters always says that rangas don’t have souls which is obviously not true because otherwise he would have treated Rambo the worst.

I really liked most of the music. I was real dramatic but it wasn’t like, normal action movie music if you know what I mean but the song at the end was the WORST. They could have chosen a much better song! I really liked the part where he was escaping from jail and he threw those cops through the windows and it was in slow motion. Does he do his own stunts? There was one part where he like, did an army roll and I thought it was a little sloppy but I guess I have been spoilt in the stunts department with watching Blade and Demolition Man.

After Rambo escaped jail and he ran into the forest I thought the police went to a lot of effort just for one guy, I mean, he didn’t even kill anybody and they sent a helicopter after him and I know that in GTA they don’t send helicopters after you until you kill at least 8 people and I reckon that would be the same in real life. It was their fault he went mental in the first place anyway, they shouldn���t have pushed his buttons! He obviously wasn’t well and they knew he was in the war. They should have been nice to him but instead they abused their power. There was one cop that fell out of the helicopter, he sounded like Barry White. I am glad he died. I thought all the traps that Rambo set up in the forest were very awesome and realistic because I have seen traps like that when I went to Vietnam. I think all of those cops got what they deserved and they were lucky he didn’t kill them. I got real angry at that guy that brought his dogs in and he let two of them go after Rambo and he obviously killed them and then he let his other dog go and he killed that one too and then cried! YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE LET YOUR DOGS GO AFTER HIM, YOU IDIOT!!!! HE HAD A GREEN HAT IN THE ARMY! HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT KILLING YOUR DOGS!

I thought it was funny when the army reserve had him cornered but nobody wanted to go near Rambo so they just blew up the mine shaft and then Rambo got stuck in there. Even though he got real freaked out by rats I think Rambo is a human version of the Predator with all of the skills he has. I thought the knife he had was really handy because he had stuff hidden in the top and he even used it in one part as a fire torch.

In the part where he stole the truck I couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be found or not because if he didn’t, he shouldn’t have stolen an army truck and let the driver go, he should have stolen another car OR he should have killed the driver guy. The producers should have through about that more.

I thought the movie was really great and I will definitely watch it again sometime. I still don’t understand why Rambo set that gas station on fire and why the town had loud speakers but maybe the next time I watch it I will be able to figure that out.

[minniereview]

Weekend at Bernies

Last night I watched Weekend at Bernie’s for the first time ever and it is honestly one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It made me so angry that I couldn’t even have sex afterwards. The main characters were so annoying. My boyfriend told me that he didn’t think that those actors were in anything else and I can see why. The blonde one looked like Michael J Fox’s retarded brother and the other one kinda looked like that guy from that TV show called Friends, but uglier and more irritating.

Apparently this film is liked by many people. I don’t really understand why. How old are these two chaps supposed to be? I think they would be old enough to know that it it’s not okay to be fucking about with a corpse and also let some weirdo lady have sex with it, then laugh about it afterwards! That’s not funny, that’s sick! Can you imagine how upset that lady would be if she found out she had sex with a dead body?! Gross! They also used a staple gun to stick Bernie’s toupee back onto his head in one part. I know Bernie was a bit of a jerk but you shouldn’t do what they did to his body after he died just to party and get pussy.

Speaking of Bernie, why was it that sometimes (when he was dead) he was smiling/smirking and other times he wasn’t? I don’t think your face is supposed to move like that when you’re dead. Also, when they were in the boat and Bernie fell off the back and was hitting those metal things in the water (I think they are called boys), I reckon his body would have been banged up a bit and might have even lost a limb or something but when they got him out of the water he looked completely normal. It was very unrealistic. Not once did he poo or wee either and that is supposed to happen after you die. 

I really liked the red golf cart that had the front of a Porsche and I think the only time I laughed was when the little kid covered Bernie in sand and was like ‘suck it’ to the main guys. The costumes were fun but there was one lady at the party wearing exercise clothes and I thought that really looked out of place. You don’t go to a party in your gym clothes!

 I thought this movie was really stupid and I know that there is a sequel but I won’t be watching it. I don’t think I will be able to watch anymore 80’s movies for a while.

[minniereview]

Terminator 2

I really enjoyed this movie! The cyborgs looked really real and scary! You know when they send back Arnie and the other guy at the start, do they look like that in the future? Or are they all silver and then get skin and stuff when they get sent back to the past so they can blend in? I wonder why they didn't made the bad guy to look more intimidating like Arnie. Like that Mexican guy that's in all the movies and in Breaking Bad. He would have been a good bad guy in this.

I think there are a couple of things they should have thought about more like in the scene where Arnie is naked and goes into the bar to get clothes and throws that man on the grill, his clothes don't even get burnt or anything! And how did Sarah come to be in a mental institution. I know she got caught doing something naughty but she could have just lied and went to jail instead for a couple of years! At least she could learn junk from prison ladies! I think Sarah lost the plot in this one a bit, maybe from being in the mental hospital. She looks totally buff though. She doesn't even have hips!

I really liked all of the action scenes. They were really exciting! Especially the one with the truck that drives off the bridge. I wonder if anybody was in the truck at the time because I think that would have really hurt a lot. And also the other truck scene where the bad guy is driving the liquid nitrogen truck and Arnie shoots him everywhere and then he crashes and tank breaks in half! Then he gets out and he's just walking around in liquid nitrogen! I don't know what that does but it looks like he gets frozen because his legs and everything break off.  

I think it would be cool to be made of metal because when Johns foster mums arm turned into a sword that was pretty cool and when the bad guy turned into that guard and then he stabbed the real guard in the eye with his finger sword! Or when the bad guy was running after the car and BOTH of his arms turned into those hook things. It made me think of that Simpson's episode where Homer runs after the car with two golf clubs. I didn't really understand that at the time but I get where that comes from now.

I felt really sad at the end when Arnie lowered himself into the lava. He was the best dad to John even though he doesn't really understand how feelings work. It was great that after John told him not to kill people and then later on the cops were shooting him at the computer company place, he still didn't kill anybody. I would really like to watch this movie again sometime soon.

[minniereview]

Game of Thrones

I've just watched season 3, episode 9 of Game of Thrones. I don't think I can watch it anymore. I cried, very loudly, then my body went into shock and I did the biggest poo ever. I hate this show. But it's the best show ever.

[minniereview]

Breaking Bad

I just want everyone to know that I started watching Breaking Bad. I love Walt and I hate Skyler and I want her to change her face because she even LOOKS like a massive bitch. She has these enormous eyes and they are so judgmental and crazy. I also love Jesse and think hes a great brother for taking the rap for that spliff his brother was hiding. Yay! Meth!

[minniereview]

Terminator 1

I just finished watching The Terminator and there are a couple of things I don't understand.... Why didn't Arnie have eyebrows? He's supposed to be like this awesome cyborg with human tissue, skin and hair and all that, but he doesn't have eyebrows? Why was Sarah in Mexico at the end and did Arnie kill her mum? I thought it was a really good movie and the part where Arnie cut into his own arm and face was gross. That robot face they made for that part did really look like him except his skin was a different colour but his lips were like, exactly the same.

All of my questions have since been answered.

[minniereview]

Blade.

Last night I watched Blade for the first time ever. I really think that Blade, Demolition Man and White Men Can’t Jump are three really good reasons why Wesley Snipes shouldn’t have gone to jail. I am really glad he is out of jail. He was so bad ass and really quick in his fight scenes! I hope he can make more awesome movies soon.

Anyway, I liked Blade a lot. At the start where the blood came out of the sprinklers, that was cow’s blood, yeah? Because I’m sure they were right under an abattoir. If that WAS cow’s blood and they were dancing and like, getting off in it, that’s really gross. I know they are vampires and can’t die from normal diseases but seriously, that shit will stink and then you’ll have to throw your clothes out when you get home! I really liked the way the vampires died and how that one dude got burnt real bad and got his arm cut off but then it just grew back after a while. I knew the old guy was going to die… the one that kinda looks a bit like Willie Nelson. It would be cool if he became a vampire and like helped Wesley kick people’s butts so he didn’t have to do it on his own because he seems real lonely. He didn’t even get it on with that blood doctor lady and she was hot.

I don’t know the name of the main evil guy but it was a bit weird at the end when he was in the tomb thing and his shirt kinda just unbuttoned out of nowhere, a bright light shone on him and then air started blowing his shirt back. It kinda looked like a Michael Jackson film clip. I think they could have gone into more detail about that make-up stuff that he put on to make him not explode in the sun. Why weren’t other vampires using it? They could all go outside and fuck shit up, you know? Also, in the tomb part where they were bleeding Wesley, his blood was really red and I don’t think blood is supposed to look that colour, is it?

I didn’t get the bit at the end where his mum was still alive… she looked younger than him which doesn't make any sense and she was sort of acting a bit incestuous. He must have been really disappointed because his whole life he was trying to find and kill the vampire that killed his mum and then he finds out that she’s a vampire the whole time and then she starts hitting on him! What a freak. After I thought about why his mum looked younger I figured out that the vampires that are born vampires grow old (like the counsel dudes) and the ones that are bitten stay the same age. If that isn’t the case they probably should have thought about it more. I am very excited to watch Blade II and I think there is a Blade III so I will watch that too.