miserable-cat

[miserable-cat]

i wish i wasn’t codependent i wish i didn’t have to rely on anyone i wish i knew how to be a person

[miserable-cat]

all I do lately is cry over my partner and I don't know if that means something or if it's just my bpd

[miserable-cat]

I don't think he realises that there's no cure to my disorder, that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. I can learn skills and I can go into remission but I will always, always, have this disorder. it's never going to go away like he's hoping it will. I'll be reaping the consequences of actions that weren't my own until I die

[miserable-cat]

Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be normal?

Why? Just why?

[miserable-cat]

6 years old me : ... Why am I so unlovable?

Adult me : ... Why am I so unlovable?

[miserable-cat]

I'm sorry I'm too much, I don't know how to be any other way.

[miserable-cat]

I just want to kill myself. There's a hole inside of me and nothing ever fills it. It's just empty, and it makes me empty. I'm empty.

[miserable-cat]

i fuck up way too much. i hate myself. it’s consuming me.

[miserable-cat]

I just want to disappear and never have to feel this pain in my chest ever again.

[miserable-cat]

started at the bottom and somehow still managed to get lower

[miserable-cat]

I just wish if I wasn't so fucking harmful

I'm poison

It's like everything my hands touch eventually withers and dies

Like I'm not meant to keep happiness or love because no matter how many times I try not to I eventually ruin it

I'm unlovable and I'm going to stay like that because I can't help but be a monster no matter how much I try not to

I'll die alone.

[miserable-cat]

The pain is always worse at night.

I'm alone, I'm unwanted, I'm annoying, no one wants me. No one ever will.

[miserable-cat]

Having the worst narc crash of my life

I feel hopeless I feel so disgusted by myself and I feel terrified because I know I can't stop being me I'm terrified because nothing I can do can change the fact that I'm unlovable and worthless, I think people have the right to abandon and hate me after all because I keep ruining everything, I destroy everything, why can't I just be normal why? I try to fix things just to end up ruining them more.

[miserable-cat]

i hate that my life revolves around him. my mood depends on him and if he doesnt even talk to me i feel like shit. yet when he shows me affection i feel like the happiest girl on earth.

[miserable-cat]

Why did he change? Why? He promised he won't change but suddenly I had to watch someone I love become so cold and indifferent about me, always annoyed at me and he keeps denying it but it's the truth

He used to be so caring and kind towards me but now my existence bothers him and I know it's my fault for being too much, it's my fault for not being good enough it's my fault he doesn't give a fuck about me anymore

I don't know what to do.

[miserable-cat]

hi you’re not alone, i’m a stranger but i do love and care for you. i have bpd as well, stay strong you got this

Thank you so much, I really needed to hear that ..... 🖤

Ily 🖤

[miserable-cat]

NPD crashing culture is suddenly being acutely aware that everything ends including all your friendships. They'll all leave someday. I'll always ultimately end up alone. Everyone always leaves someday. Why wouldn't they? I ruin everything.

EP, Please don't leave me. What if you're all I have left?

- ⚔️

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