moistmailman

[moistmailman]

Sometimes I forget that Robin from Teen Titans had metal tipped shoes. Mf wanted to make everyone feel the pain he can inflict on them times 2.

Robin from Teen Titans was low-key a fucking psycho. Boy has the strength of a fucking gorilla and could kick people several feet away with ease regardless of their size, yet this wasn't enough for him. That's not enough damage for his liking. The kicks need to hurt more. His boots needed to have metal reinforcement on them; more weight.

This mf had essentially this attached to his foot at all times

[moistmailman]

I saw someone say that Majora's Mask's 3DS remake should've had an alternate Ganondorf that is in charge of one of the fishing holes, probably the one at the great bay and the would be so funny.

Like he's still grumpy and easily annoyed but he just loves fishing and will actually show enthusiasm depending on what kinda unique fish Link catches. Just imagine Ganondorf in a bucket hat with lures pinned to it while also wearing a buttoned up shirt, shorts, and sandals. Hell, behind him I can even be a barbecue.

He can even have a sidequest where he somewhat opens up to Link and tells Link about himself "I was supposed to be the leader of the pirates, but they grew too violent and irritating, so now I'm just running this place."

[moistmailman]

Batman, landing into a warehouse: Where is the penguin?

Penguin Goon 1: We'll never tell, Bats!

Penguin Goon 2, pulling out baseball bat: Da boss said you'd show up and told us to keep ya company as he's busy.

Penguin Goon 3:.....they don't speak for me, Batman.

Batman: What is the penguin planning?

Penguin Goon 1: None of ya fuckin' business!

Penguin Goon 3: Nope, no no! Again, they don't speak for me! I can't stress this enough!

Penguin Goon 2: You're going down, Bats!

Penguin Goon 3: I've seen videos of you fighting. I don't want that heat. I'm actually fucking terrified right now.

Batman: *gets in fighting stance*

Penguin Goon 1: You're not leaving this warehouse alive!

Penguin Goon 3: I've seen a video where you knocked a guy's shoes off from a punch.

Penguin Goon 2: Da boss is going to be happy to have ya head!

Penguin Goon 3: The shoes weren't even untied either. In fact the shoe laces look well secured, and yet you somehow knock his ass out of them.

Penguin Goon 1: We're bagging the Bat tonight!

Penguin Goon 3: Honestly that was one of the most hood punches I've seen in my life. I don't want to experience that. I'll happily tell you everything I know.

[moistmailman]

[moistmailman]

Honestly if Trump was dead then I would assume the pizzas the Pentagon ordered were actually for celebration.

[moistmailman]

Wouldn't it be funny if during Trump's golf game today he looks extremely weaker and even more feeble?

[moistmailman]

Vance is crossing his fingers at the moment

[moistmailman]

If I ever made a ghost rider movie/show the first thing I would do I try to tell the audience that the "this person doesn't regret anything so they resists the penance state" is completely fucking stupid.

Villain: Hahah, I don't regret a damn thing I've done!

GhostRider, using penance state: I don't give a shit.

Villain:

[moistmailman]

Silksong's price got revealed from GameStop and it's only 20 dollars

If this game only costs 20 dollars then holy shit Team Cherry is goated

[moistmailman]

Who the fuck is paying Tumblr to show MAGA ads on the site?

They're actually wasting their time.

[moistmailman]

I'm going to prove Batman is Bruce Wayne! I'm going to rob the Wayne manor because I know Batman will be there almost immediately because he lives there!

-A Robber shortly before he gets shot and killed by Alfred

[moistmailman]

This is the funniest comment I've seen in a while.

If a child from a straight couple asks where babies come from, is this idiot actually going to explain the process of sex for procreation to the child? What is actually wrong with this idiot lol

Snoop dog said he's afraid to go to kids movies nowadays because he watched Lightyear with his grandson and his grandson asked how two women managed to have children.

I'll be honest. I think Snoop might be fucking stupid, and he doesn't about adoptions because that's such an easy question to answer

[moistmailman]

Police: So....can you run this by me again?

Pyrrha, frustrated: The robber bust in our house and demanded to give him the birthday cards I got from my kids over the years. So I used my semblance to throw our microwave at his head.

Police: He wanted.....birthday cards?

Pyrrha: Yes.

Jaune: Babe, he asked for the most valuable thing in the house.

Pyrrha: Isn't that what I just said?

[moistmailman]

Sun to Jaune: You said you could grate cheese on Pyrrha's abs. Have you ever actually tried too?

Jaune: Hmmmmm

Jaune: No, it just melts…

Sun:

Jaune:

Sun:

Jaune:

Sun:

Jaune: It’s because she’s hot-

Sun: Yeah, I got that.

Bonus:

Sun: Try Parmesan. It’s crumbly but doesn’t melt like regular cheese.

Jaune: 😲 !!!!!

Sun:

Jaune: *returning minutes later* …turns out it does work but it leaves crumbs everywhere… 😑

[moistmailman]

Ant Man: What do you go by?

???: Colony Man!

Ant Man:...........

Colony Man:.......God damnit Hank! I told you it's a stupid name! I told you I should've went with Ant Man!

Hank: YOU CANT CARRY 50 TIMES YOUR BODY WEIGHT! YOU CAN CONTROL A COLONY OF ANTS THOUGH! ITS NOT MY FAULT THEY BASTARDIZED THE EDUCATION SYSTEM TO MAKE PEOPLE FAVOR SIMPLE NAMES!

I want superheroes to meet alternate superheroes of themselves who chose shitty names

Aquaman: Ah, you're king of atlantis too? That's terrific. What do they call you?

???: Fish man!

Aquaman:.......I go by Aquaman

Fish Man:......fuck, I shouldve chose that name.

Aquaman: It's an honest name for what we can do.

Fish Man: Don't pity me.

[moistmailman]

Superman: What do they call you?

???: Mighty Man!

Superman: Oh?

Mighty Man: Yep! Double M! MM!

Superman: Uhm.....what about the uh....*gestures towards the S on his chest*

Mighty Man:.......I made my debut as a hero before I found this suit.

I want superheroes to meet alternate superheroes of themselves who chose shitty names

Aquaman: Ah, you're king of atlantis too? That's terrific. What do they call you?

???: Fish man!

Aquaman:.......I go by Aquaman

Fish Man:......fuck, I shouldve chose that name.

Aquaman: It's an honest name for what we can do.

Fish Man: Don't pity me.

[moistmailman]

Batman: What do they call you?

???: Nightwing

Batman:.....really?

Nightwing: Yeah, because bats have wings and they roam at nigh-

Batman: No I understand the name. It's just.....what name did Dick pick?

Nightwing: Batman.

I want superheroes to meet alternate superheroes of themselves who chose shitty names

Aquaman: Ah, you're king of atlantis too? That's terrific. What do they call you?

???: Fish man!

Aquaman:.......I go by Aquaman

Fish Man:......fuck, I shouldve chose that name.

Aquaman: It's an honest name for what we can do.

Fish Man: Don't pity me.