moonduskt

[moonduskt]

BOOK READING REFLECTIONS OF 2020

This year, in 2020, amongst my other goals, I made it as a personal resolution to read twelve books. There are two main reasons for this: first, I want to make reading books my hobby again. For sure, when I was just a kid, pre-high school me, I was an avid reader. I could read everything so long as it was not a non-fiction book. But as the years passed right by me, I began to lose passion to read any book, physical book that I needed to flip page by page and spent hours sitting down. When I came to my senses, I found myself unable to read a simple novel in one sitting or pulling an all-nighter like I used to. It took me weeks or months to finish a novel. That is why I want to make it my hobby again, not necessarily I have to finish a book in one day or something, so long as I read books again, that is okay with me.

Second, and maybe some people wouldn’t agree with this reason--I already had my junior shaded me in his blog after I told him why I want to start reading again. I want to read because I want to know a lot of things. I want to gain knowledge, I want to educate myself on the matter that I am taking interest in yet never took participation to find out about it. I am realizing that there are so many things outside there that I don’t know and in my negligence, I can’t answer every question anyone asks me. This second reason made me decide to start reading non-fiction books.

Still, not motivational books. I still hate those. Next.

So, I have a goal to read twelve books this year. Any books so long as I am interested in it. It’s the first year I’m doing this, so I don’t really put a high stake on myself, and I did it with a light heart. I think the pandemic sorta kinda helped me in this too, since all my plans halted for a few months and I did nothing at my home other than sleeping and eating.

By December, I read twenty-two books! HELL YEAH!

Almost half of them were Rick Riordan Presents’ books, and I read two of Angela Davis’ books as the chosen non-fiction books. The rest of them were novels. Maybe I should put them all on the list in here, but I’m too lazy to do it so yeaah…

Choosing my favorite book amongst so many is hard. There were so many good books I’ve read this year! They were all memorable too. Between Akwaeke Emezi’s “Pet” or Sylvia Plath’s “Bell Jar”, or even Carloz Hernandez’ “Sal & Gabi” series! I love them all, so, so, so much.

My least favorite book, surprisingly, is easy to pick. It is one of Rick Riordan Presents’ book, “Race to the Sun” by Rebecca Roanhorse. The book is not bad at all, it is good! It’s just, there are some things that made me push it back a little bit. The main thing that I wish from this book was that Rebecca Roanhorse could've expanded the universe a little bit more.

There were some unfinished books that I put on hold, and I hope I can finish them all in 2021, since it feels like a pity not to finish them. There are “The Song of Achilles” that I’m almost half of the book in, just like “Little Women” and “The Death of Vivek Oji”. There is one book in Bahasa Indonesia that I have yet to finish since 2019, “Bilangan Fu.” So many unfinished titles… I need to work harder in finishing those.

I am excited to read new books to come too. I’m still planning to read twelve books in 2021, there’s no change in the targeted numbers of books I must read. To make a habit I need to start small, and I’d rather see books I’m reading exceed the target rather than less, so I’ll think I’ll be alright again next year.

Dear God, I hope I can reach twenty-two books again in 2021. I am planning to read “Moby Dick” and “One Hundred Years of Solitude” next year, and those two books are so thick. Plus, I want to read more non-fiction books too.

I don’t have specific titles to read on non-fiction books, I just know that I want to read more about gender and sexuality. Those two topics are the one I’m currently very curious about, and I feel like it’s so important for me now. Well, I actually do pocketing two or three books on my phone to read, but let’s see if I can finish them all in one year. I wish I could find exciting non-fiction books around those themes, too.

About this blog? Pheww…

The first time I decided to make this blog about book and music reviews, I got big plans and hopes for this. As I always did for all of my blogs. I was so excited, and I churned two and a half book reviews in the span of weeks. (Two posted reviews and the half I deleted when I am writing this).

But then I got overwhelmed by my own ideas and imagination about this blog. I felt tired even before I did anything for this blog. Everytime I open my google docs I feel like quitting. Thus, I stopped and bid my time.

Then, real life smacked me just like that on my face. I neglected my undergraduate thesis and my friends (and still neglecting them all ‘till this day), and it is very hard to get back on track. I missed so much deadline I put on myself and I have been trying to reach them all for now. Forget about writing reviews, I can’t even write just a sentence for my thesis.

The last reason. I realized that I’m a one stupid motherfucker out there ever was. Just as I sat down one day, on a nice evening… October air? Yeah, any evening. I stared at the monitor of my laptop and thought: “Well, I can’t actually write a review!” I’m not a professional nor knowledgeable two judge other people’s hard work and delve deep into their work. I'm not technically smart enough to write a review too, since I don’t really know how to write one, what structures do I need to write one? The other thing I’m worried about is my purpose in writing a book review. Why do I want to write one? What will I gain by writing one? I still think about it a lot, and I feel like changing a thing or two if I still want to write a book review that I actually enjoy.

So, what is my plan for this blog, now that it’s gonna be 2021 in a few days?

First thing first, I’m not gonna put any targeted date of posting, nor will I review every book that I read. I will just write about the book I am most excited about without any set date. I think I can’t put too much pressure on myself like that now.

Second, I am not gonna write a review. Or, I’m not gonna call it a review, I’m not gonna stress myself with one. I’ll just call it a book I very like to talk about. I don’t need to fill my head with so many things draped all over me at once, I’ll just talk about the books I like just like how I talk about food I always think about when I’m craving for a warm meal.

Without further ado, I hope 2021 is a kind year for the bibliophile all around the world.

[moonduskt]

BOOK TWO: Trixie and Katya’s Guide to Modern Womanhood

“Trixie and Katya’s Guide to Modern Womanhood”

Author: Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova

Year: 2020

Publisher: Penguin Randomhouse

Note: Possible spoilers, for those who’s uncomfortable with them please read the novel first, okay? Thank you.

I have an endearing little problem in life. Amusing enough to make me chuckle and save it on my phone’s memory, yet also more than enough to annoy me to no end. 

My juniors at uni like to call me a Boomer these days, or  an old lady, whichever is best used in the moment; they cackle and giggle and tease me fondly. All of that because I consciously seldom myself from the madness of social media. That way, whenever they’re talking about something viral and the most important news of the day, or latest meme and high-charted funny song, I never, ever, understand any of them in full context. That is how they start with their old woman jokes. 

So I, in my early twenty years of age, need to find a way to prove to them that I am not the old hag they accuse me of. A modern woman with impeccable taste, a futuristic and visionary one if possible. Hence, the moment I have a hold of Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova’s “Trixie and Katya’s Guide to Modern Womanhood”, I read it as soon as possible like it is my only Bible to the future.

(No, I’m just half joking. I read the book because I love Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova, too, from the north pole to the south pole and back to the north pole again.)

As the title suggests, “Trixie and Katya’s Guide to Modern Womanhood” is a guidebook, or a life-advice book, for the women (but not limited to men) to be the baddest modern woman out there, ready to tackle the society’s expectation successfully. Written in various methods, the book is divided into three important parts: beauty and style, homemaking, and relationships.

As you may guess, through the ‘Beauty and Style’ part, Trixie and Katya told us how to be dazzlingly beautiful from the physical realm until the inner self-love we all need in order to achieve it successfully. From the basics such as hair, makeup, heels, personal style, and  personal hygiene, to the side-quests we need to be aware of like alcohol, drugs, and most importantly self love. Presented in an advice columns, a questionnaire, bullet points, and even a short essay of their own experience meticulously, we would be the shining, shimmering, and splendid pretty women (and men) ready to face the world by the time we turned the page for the second part of the book.

It turns out that being beautiful inside and outside simply isn’t enough to be a modern woman according to these two biological women. We need to be knowledgeable in our home affairs too, especially money concerned matters, because it is very expensive to survive in this world as a woman. Another important thing we need to be masterful of is our kingdom of digital platforms. How to put out the correct persona on the internet and manage it carefully to avoid any unwarranted problems because of the internet’s unforgiving harsh judgement, and most importantly how to take a rest from the madness of it for some time, the world that never sleeps.

I feel like I resonated through this chapter so much. I used to be a very active user of social media platforms, especially twitter. In my younger days, I was this utterly stupid, embarrassing clown who should’ve been banned from the community for existing alone. Then I realized how foolish I was, and some other reasons slipped in the middle of it that made me stop using any social media platforms other than WhatsApp and YouTube. It takes time to build the courage to take care of social media again, and I need to always stay alert in case I make the same mistakes as the past, too.

From the words of famous Barbie dolls collector Trixie Mattel, decorating your own home is an important thing to do, too, since it shows who you really are. Your own home is one part of you that other people don’t get to judge, a part of personality that should be barricaded from the harsh opinion of the outside world. Related to this theme was the decluttering part of having your own home. Sometimes we get too little too attached to the things we don’t actually need anymore.

Relationship is another condiment element of our life that we couldn’t not talk about, but don’t worry, because Trixie and Katya lightly guided us through the art of meeting new people and how to properly hooking up. After those cheery cherry on top advice, these women also gave us the ultimate how-to’s on breakups and friendship. I will write it in here because I think these two were the most important advice pieces from the third part: 

One, Trixie said that the thing you need to do when you just broke up with someone is to not let yourself succumbing into the sadness to much, you have to be rational about the break-up too because parting ways with your ex is not the end of the world and there is still a lot of possibilities of love out there; 

Two, in friendship, it is actually good not to be possessive of your friend. Just because you don’t spend your every waking time, every minute, every second of your life talking with them that it means bad. No, sometimes it’s healthy because both you and your friend do have your own life and need the space and time to breathe. It’s okay to stay away for awhile, and it’s okay to catch up.

About this book, I thank God in Heaven that there’s nothing I don’t like in this book. To be honest, I promise myself I will close this book as soon as I feel like I am being scolded for the poor choices I make my whole life. It is an important thing to note, because I have a personal vendetta against any kind of motivational or life advice’s materials, even if it is given in the form of magical words on a best-selling book or the alluring vocals in a heart-wrenching song. No particular reason for my hatred towards motivational bullshits, it’s just in my nature to reject any hopes that certain people are trying to inject into society.

“Trixie and Katya’s Guide to Modern Womanhood” is an easy to read book, sometimes with self-deprecating jokes, humorous advice, or flippant statements that never fails to make me grinning from ear to ear. A lot of the advice given inside isn’t even that serious, I think, but when it is actually serious, it never makes me feel offended or anything. If there is any reaction extracted from me, is that I am seriously thinking and considering the point given by Trixie and/or Katya. Instead of telling me what to do with steps too demanding and expecting instant perfect results, like the other life-advice and motivational books out there, this book is giving me options with rational reasons behind it. This book urged me in a joking way, yet sternly, to do better. This books told me that it’s okay to fucked things up because human do fucking shits up most of the time, as long as we try to do better and actively trying to make amends about our messy past.

Isn’t that what life-advice books are supposed to be doing?

For some people claiming that they don’t really like to read books and are amateur writers, sure Trixie and Katya write a very excellent piece of book. It’s suspicious enough to make me think that they’re just bluffing about it. This book feels like it was written by veteran writers who write as their main job, and not a couple of drag queens who are busy touring and appearing on various YouTube channels with every other side jobs and business they currently own.

What an effortless read, this book is. It’s not that serious like more heavy-weight non-fictional or super engaging like the fictional one, I can sit it out for few hours and when I get back to it, “Trixie and Katya’s Guide to Modern Womanhood” will welcome me with open arms to read it again like I never leave in the first place. Trixie and Katya choose to write it with such simple words for simple sentences, and my illiterate ass is so grateful for that. Yet behind the unassuming sentences and the never-ending jokes, hids all the brilliant tricks to make those paragraphs magnificent and elegant while the clown make-up is still on. The power only Trixie and Katya has, all of you (and me) should take note of it. 

Last thing about their writing style, I need you to know that Trixie and Katya knocked me on the head and told me to read my dictionary more, since there were some words that I never knew existed in English. I have to say that I bought a very thick notebook since late June, intended to write all of the unfamiliar English words I come across inside the books I read, yet I haven’t done anything with it until now. This book is the proof that I need to do better. In a way, this book motivates me to be better just like Trixie and Katya. 

(Whether I proceed with that motivational sentiment is another topic to talk about another time.) 

What I also like from this book is that as much as it is a life-advice book, it is also a life-style magazine in very thick pages, perhaps a super super special edition one. “Trixie and Katya’s Guide to Modern Womanhood” is very cute in interior design, despite the fierce red of the cover. Splashes of pinks and pastel blues, cute big quotation and tips column, and the photos! Lord in Heaven, the photos! I can’t stop looking at every picture for more than two minutes, happily observing every silly pose Trixie and Katya made, and little trinkets and wigs and the costumes they’re wearing on those shoots. I feel like I’m having a special photobook of the K-Pop artist that I like. 

(No, I never bought a K-Pop album before, nor a K-Pop photobook, so I’m just talking out of my ass.) 

I’m so happy that I have the chance to read this book until the last page, and I also feel grateful because this book is kind and takes care of me well. For someone who doesn’t like reading motivational or life-advice books like me, I can guarantee you that you will love and cherish this book so much, whether you like Trixie and Katya or not. They won’t judge your every inch of life, nor they will kick your asses for being you. I’m hoping that Trixie and Katya will write another book next time. Cheers to these two biological women!

[moonduskt]

BOOK ONE: Rainbirds

“Rainbirds”

Author: Clarissa Goenawan

Year: 2018

Publisher: SOHO Press

Note: Possible spoilers, for those who’s uncomfortable with them please read the novel first, okay? Thank you.

Not gonna lie, I have this strange preconception of Japanese novels in my head. I didn’t know where I got it from, since I never read any of Japan’s fictional literature. In my most-probably-not a correct preconception, Japanese novels are very dark, morally grey, surrealism and symbolic, and full of mysterious murders and strange phenomenons. Thus, this is what I expected from Clarissa Goenawan’s “Rainbirds”, and this book checked some of those preconceptions for sure.

“Rainbirds” tells the story of Ren Ishida, a mourning younger brother, who went to a small town Akakawa to take care of things left behind by his older sister who passed away, Keiko Ishida. Ren Ishida, who realized that he didn’t actually know much about his sister’s life in Akakawa, decided to stay for some time there. He thought that maybe if he stayed there longer, he could understand the ordinary days his sister led until the day of her murder on one rainy midnight. In this small town, Ren Ishida met the people who were close to his sister and slowly uncovered the life his sister never told him about and found out the truth about her murder.

While “Rainbirds” wasn’t as dark as I expected it to be, it was somber enough to make me feel grim with how the story goes. The somberness of this story enticed me to read until the end, made me swim under the currents of Keiko Ishida’s mysterious life and death. Other parts of the story itself weren’t actually dark and some even funny, but it was always followed by a foreboding feeling and the bad, unfortunate tangles of destiny the characters inside had to endure. Maybe it was presented that way because Ren Ishida as the main character was mourning, maybe it was because the sad and horrible events the characters experienced, even the grey clouds and rain pours and the very pristine house but devoid of life successfully made me feel gloomy even when I closed the book. No matter how hopeful the ending is, I couldn’t shake the gray feeling away so soon.

Is “Rainbirds” morally grey enough for me? Yes. One that “Rainbirds” served as the main problem is the dilemma of loving someone with a different age or a long age gap, I will say. On the surface was Ren Ishida’s infatuation with his student at the cram school, a teenage girl he called Seven Stars who has pretty fingers. At the end of the story, Ren Ishida was able to put an end to his infatuation with Seven Stars, revealed as the daughter of whom Keiko Ishida had an affair with, and back to his girlfriend in Tokyo to make amends after their brief break.

On the other hand, Keiko Ishida fell into the same mistake as the one she made when she was younger, even though she had a relationship with a man from the same age for some time. Keiko Ishida, to her ex-boyfriend in a letter she wrote, said that falling in love wasn’t something she can control. Seven Stars asked Ren Ishida if his opinion on his sister changed after he knew what happened between Keiko Ishida and her father, Ren Ishida said that Keiko Ishida’s was only a normal girl. 

To me, what Ren Ishida said to Seven Stars is an interesting point because I expected Clarissa Goenawan to make Ren Ishida feel betrayed by Keiko Ishida’s repeated mistake, not counting how much he loved her. No matter that Keiko Ishida was a victim of murder, she was also a third party to a marriage, one that she pushed through to the point of ‘talking about options’. Something that is clearly wrong to do for her not to think it logically and bulldozed through her feelings. Honestly, it threw me out of the loop a little bit because we’re currently living when punishment and judgment is too harsh and severe sometimes, especially in social media where people calling out anything and nothing left and right, day and night, and demanding other human to be free of sin, the perfect human being, and society. 

This novel makes me feel like a normal human being again. People do fall in love unexpectedly, some are fortunate enough to enjoy a fulfilling love, and some couldn’t help but to jump into the mud and continue to swim on it because that’s all there is for them. I don’t condone marital infidelity at all, but of course, it’s a thing that sometimes is happening around us. When one of our family does something bad, how far until it’s unforgivable and intolerable?

The mysterious murder of Keiko Ishida wasn’t as intricate as how I expected it too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it. I do, very much so, it’s just I initially thought “Rainbirds” was going to be a crime and mystery packed novel. A serious novel with a younger brother who was hell-bent on solving his sister’s complicated murder and complicated clues to solve. Sure, clues were sprinkled here and there that built up and popped in the end, but it wasn’t as hard-hitting as I guessed before I read the novel. I feel like Clarissa skirted around here, maybe gives out a little taste of her potential, what she’s capable of, and how far she can put in her future works as well.

There are a lot of things that I love from this book. I don’t doubt it when Clarissa Goenawan said she loves to read Japanese literature since she was still in school, and even now and then I see her recommending the book she just read on her Instagram. “Rainbirds” clearly showed how much knowledge Clarissa has about Japanese literature and culture, then she’s brave enough to make a little dent to make her own fictional world in there, perfectly like a puzzle piece among other Japanese literature’s mosaics. There were so many details put on “Rainbirds”’s worldbuilding and if I didn’t know who she is, I must’ve been thinking that a native Japanese author wrote this. Such products like bubble gums, cars, even cigarettes were put in carefully. To think that Clarissa Goenawan even painted a very beautiful landscape to Akakawa and sprinkled some legend and myths, even superstitions? Magnificent.

Another thing that I love about “Rainbirds”, and possibly about Clarissa Goenawan’s writing style in general, is that she can build so much from uncomplicated words and sentences, able to carry the whole story until the end without making her readers confused and stopped due to hard words. She carries it so seamlessly I was surprised when I just realized that “Rainbirds” isn’t as thick as all those popular Japanese novels. At first, I was worried that the story would be too packed up and cut short that I wish it was longer because of the underexplored tidbits or if the story would leave so many questions unanswered. I feel delighted to say that this is not the case. “Rainbirds” presented the story enough that it left me no question or the desire to know more, and it successfully closed up every problem with satisfying endings and conclusions.

If there was one thing I don’t really like about this novel, it was how there were a lot of women tied up to Ren Ishida. I didn’t even know what exactly makes me feel uncomfortable with this, Ren Ishida’s past lovers and hookups. Some of the characters were very important to the story, of course, but I feel like the others were not really adding up to the story at all. 

One of that character was a girl with a mole behind her neck, one of the hookups Ren Ishida met again after the affair. Unlike the other reappearing character, I couldn’t see why Clarissa Goenawan chooses to delve into her a little bit. This character barely put any progress for the story, nor the relationship between Ren Ishida and his girlfriend Nae. Was her there to show Ren Ishida’s personality or to show Ren Ishida’s normal daily life? Oh, probably, but I still don’t think she was necessary to be there. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the part when Ren Ishida was trying to act like he remembers the woman.

All in all, “Rainbirds” was the beautiful debut of Clarissa Goenawan. In this novel, she showcased her capabilities in stride. A light story yet intriguing enough to keep me grounded and read every page until the end. I also believe that I miss one or a few other things I want to say, but I’m forgetting what those points are. Quite unfortunate of me.

I’m rooting and cheering for her future works. Clarissa Goenawan, thank you for gracing your reader with a tale of this brother and sister pair. See you next time.

[moonduskt]

Berjuta ego yang dilindungi oleh tembok jutaan jarak.

Saya tidak pernah mengerti, mana yang lebih berbahaya. Beribu jarak atau berjuta ego.