moonp1nk

[moonp1nk]

Painfully Anxious 🌸

My head hurts, I feel nauseous.

I want to cry and yet sleep.

My heart feels heavy. There's no one here to take care of me.

I feel like I'll never have someone to kiss my cheek and gently pat me in the head.

To say sweet things..

In the darkness I try to fell asleep.

My stomach hurts too, I want to throw up.

If only I can throw up the bad memories.

If I close my eyes, the headache grows, remembering I'm the only one that can fight it.

The bed that was so comfortable this morning, now is just a piece of metal, feels rough.

I want to sleep, I want to feel fine.

I want someone to take care of me.

When will I find it?

Before the sickness goes away, or just in time?

MoOn

[moonp1nk]

Reach

What I want..

What I really desire.. it wasn't.. for you .. Not for me to, take back all my letters.

What I want, it's for them.. for them to reach you, to stay in your mind the same way your escence is in mine.

So they can touch and melt your heart like before.

Leaving memories that you can treasure, like I do.

So you won't forget, so I won't forget.

I still have more..

But I know I can't give them to you anymore.

But.. at least, if you can feel the fire, or the power, the love I put in them..

You would understand what I felt when I met you.

That day.

That day when, we sat together in the wheel of fortune.

MoOn

[moonp1nk]

Unforgettable feeling

I can't really understand.

Why my heart skips a beat whenever I see you.

It melts when it reaches your smile.

But it burns, feels pain, when I don't understand the words that comes out of that honestly smile.

Why are you saying not to wait for you?

Is it really true that you don't want or need me to wait for you?

When a few moments ago, you said I was the best thing in your life.

When a few hours ago, you said you wanted me to be the mother of your child's?

I believe them.

I still do.

When I hear them, when I see it.

I do believe.

My heart skips the beat.

But I can't really understand.

I have to repeat myself to not trust those words.

It will only be painful.

At least, don't make my mind anymore confused as it is now.

Just say it.

Say it.

That it was true at that moment.

That it was all a lie and emotion.

Choose.

MoOn

[moonp1nk]

No Title

I believed, that you would always be by my side, like two🌷flowers tangled together with each other; 🌱 Growing up full of life, looking for the 🌞 sun.

I thought it would be easy to 🖼️ forget you, that, with ⏳time. Your memories would disappear like the sun shining and driving away the ⚫ darkness and gloom of the 🌃 night.

That your heat would go to the 🌙 moon and your essence like the 🌠 shooting star that we shared. I hoped.. I would never see you again, but every day, every evening, you came back time after 🕰️time.

How naive I was to believe, because you are ⚡ tattooed on my mind.

I thought that when I saw you again I would know the correct words to finish this 📒 book; That with my broken heart I could say goodbye to you with a frown on my face, or with a smile to thank you for the ❄️ ice that you melted in me, finding ⭐ gold inside it.

But no, none of those, no matter how much I have practiced them, no matter how much I have memorized them, I know with certainty that I would scream inside, that I will never tell you in front of you what I really feel; That actually with a broken voice on the edge of brokenness, whisper "I miss you, do not leave me, I love you".. It is something impossible to say. But even without any dignity, without shame, I want to say them with such intensity. Came back.

But I know that my feet will move on their own, and will be moving away from you; They will guide me as far as possible before breaking my spirit by letting it go with the waves. I still think you haven't forgotten me .. nor do I expect.. to be naive this time.

MoOn

[moonp1nk]

Dream

Someday, someday.

I believe in a dream.

Of a certain day.

In which I can give it all to you.

In which I can have all of you.

I'm dying slowly.

I'm thirsty.

I'm hungry.

I bit my lip to restrain myself.

Of this dream, this thoughts.

A danger zone.

Such a dangerous one.

I see you.

From afar.

Hiding in a corner to not be seen.

That's my sin.

Not being able to look away.

Like handcuffs.

I feel trapped, over and over again.

New shirt.

New haircut.

Fake smile.

All of you.

I want it.

Hug me.

Kiss me.

Touch me.

Bite me.

Whisper in my ear.

And devour me.

The only way.

To have you all for me.

MoOn.

2020 unknown month.

[moonp1nk]

I ran out of tears.

I can think the same things that made me cry till 3am. But I don't burst into tears anymore, the deepest madness and sadness are still there.

Missing, yearn. All the feelings still reside in my soul.

I can't get them out in my tears.

Of course, this isn't moving on, maturing, or so.

I'm afraid of this feeling.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

/07/23/2019

11:57

I look at the wall with the lights that form a prison with the bars of my window, my hand observes the reflection, what it forms. It has beautiful colors, it looks fantasy, but it is a sad image.

I imagine trying to reach the warmth of another hand. But there is nothing on the other side, they ask me what I want to achieve? To my heart? Or to my mind?

Foolish things I can't sleep for. I turn on the music and through my earphones nostalgia in the form of a guitar begins, a beautiful piece of drums and a soft voice. Then a violin, a piano. I would like to continue dancing. It is like a goodbye to everything. I thought it was a reverse, a welcome, and as an easy prey I ran into your claws.

Only to realize that I had to escape. Of this phenomenon called love.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

I feel like a little flower, that can die at any time, so fragile, without hopes, without colors.

Anyone can pass through me.

I feel terrible, exhausted and defeated.

I do get up, try not to get hopes, work for my dreams. Then, why I have such horrible nightmares.

A little flower, trying to grow up, in the middle of the cold, strong wind of winter.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

I don't have enough words, to express what's inside my mind.

What's in my surroundings.

I was born complete, but life broke me into many pieces. Reading the stories about romance, feels so dreamy.

The characters are broken, and with time they become complete, for some reason, why is it the other way with me?

I can't run towards the mountains, I have to stay behind the bars of my window.

My feelings, my voice, is all trapped.

At least I wish to scream.

At least, to find the words.

To have nature in my surroundings.

It feels.. as if I was born in the wrong world.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

Exhausted.

Scared.

Afraid.

Lonely.

In the verge of tears.

Screaming.

Mad.

When everything seems to fall into piece.

Has to come a huge storm to take everything you built.

I'm exhausted of news that should make me happy but end up depressing me.

Scared of being left and forgotten.

Afraid of not having control in my emotions.

Lonely a million times.

In the verge of tears, for taking off my pain with bottles.

Screaming inside of me, emotionless after.

I'm mad, I'm really mad, I see outside, a world, a simple place, I don't see a home.

I can't see a warm home in this world.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

I'm sick of this world.

Mad at their society.

Tired of their laws of beauty.

Exhausted of their betrayal.

All of them crash my dreams, take away my innocence.

Drown my trust.

I'm truly sick of them.

I can't be free.

No matter what is good or bad.

They can't see my soul.

My truth.

My hope.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

There's this time, when you're ready.

So I took my favorite drink for now, rum.

And start letting go the past letters.

I wasn't able to do that in the beginning.

The emotions in my heart were crazy.

And instead, I'm having a headache for almost a week.

So that means is time.

To let go the emotions, to finally get the answer I'm looking for.

To finally let go of my thoughts of him.

Maybe.

MoOn

[moonp1nk]

I hear people talk.

I already feel heavy, angry.

Because truth is in their mouths.

Most of the time are lies..

A lot of pressure is inside my heart.

And I want to release it, a boost that makes you smile immediately, and relieves all of the bad energy.

I don't have anything, or anyone like that.

So I must imagine, I must enter the fantasy.

The world inside my soul.

But it doesn't make me feel happy, it only takes out pleasure, to relieve the bad in my heart.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

From your heart a wish is given life, a dream that only exist in your mind, a moment you can touch.

A feel deep inside your spirit that makes you crazy for it.

It's called, a purpose.

It's far away, like the end of the ocean.

Oh, a wish.. a dream... a moment.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

So, there's this song, that I feel so related to. The video shows a girl in the window with her phone, she's out of the world listening music, watching through the window, searching for an answer. In her mind everything's is about to explode, incredibly mad and crazy, without knowing what to do in the verge of tears.

All of this, was just for deciding to reply a message or not.

If she should say yes or no, act like nothing happened, or let it all out.

She decided to hide, while.. I decided to let it all out, I wanted an answer too, a guide.

I wanted someone to help me, I always help, I'm always there, is it wrong if I want the same?

I should've ...

Well, everything's for a reason, now I know, is better to be straight and honest.

That would make the people who are true stay, and let go the rest.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

I call your name, there's no response.

I want to see your truth.

I want to control you.

To have you in my hand.

As long as you don't leave me, I'll be whatever you want.

If that means to say my truth to you.

Take control.

I'll rest in your hands.

So promise you won't leave me.

I call your name a second time.

Things are weird, I don't want to see your face.

Your lying face.

Your truth, is gone, there's no one that can take control..

The dream.. is getting dark, the story is about to end.

MoOn.

[moonp1nk]

Orange, yellow, red daybreak's, turns all into dark.

Don't look at the sky when it turns into night, you'll be devoured by the heart in the middle.

Your spirit will be absorbed by the shadows, to feed the dying stars.

Once the daylight appears, you'll be nothing more than dust.

Your bones that once in life swear to love are all destroyed by the same.

That's what a broken heart feels.

MoOn.