What to say when a stranger asks about your cane in an uncomfortable way:
Most recently used: “It’s for emotional support”
Immortality is hard on the knees
I’m a professional pole vaulter
(Look side to side conspiratorially) …you can see it too?
I keep my quarters for the car wash in here
Huh? Sorry I didn’t catch that? Sorry what? (Make them repeat it until they get loud and/or embarrassed)
You should see the other guy
Do you wanna guess?
I drank raw milk once
Nothin’ gets past this guy! (loudly, pointing)
It’s actually for fitness, like ankle weights
Mmmm I just like the fact that I’m disabled is way more interesting to strangers than anything else about me
It’s a very rare pez dispenser
I’m never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm
Walking? In this economy? Psh!
Essential oils go in it
For shits, giggles and a debilitating neurological condition
My no-good-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather forgot to carry madam zironi up the mountain
It’s how I sneak snacks into movie theatres
Well it’s not for walking
(Croaky voice) I’Ve wAiTed 400 yEars for sOmEoNe to aSk mE thAt QUesTion
Finally someone noticed!
Have you heard of Benjamin button syndrome
To hit small children!
I’m donating my leg to science
I’m going to be Tiny Tim this Christmas, you know, from the musical
To humble me
I mastered walking and thought I’d like a challenge
I keep rolled up $2 bills in here (whisper) …I don’t trust The banks
It’s sexy and cool
You tell me ;) no really, what’s your best guess? (wait for ittttt…. Boom now they are uncomfortable too)
Then the last one on my notebook page is just a drawing of those 2 dogs from the ‘y’all got legs’ animation in sunglasses and “I got legs”
So there you go