moumoze

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*lays a single rose on this blog*

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“Take it easy.”

A bit of a lunar Venti doodle.

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hi ! can i ask for more evil silly venti (whatever in that category that comes to mind)

I have!! No idea what to do with this!! Here u go!!! /lh

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when you switch their expressions…

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I just saw the excellent post about Chuuya's loyalty and 1) how he hasn't questioned his philosophy and 2) "In a world where a "path" typically involves challenging the characters' philosophies and forcing them to reevaluate, what the hell is going to have to happen to get Chuuya to do the same?" (quoting you)

Chuuya is always used by others. He's not the only BSD character whose been taken advantage of, but it does seem to be reoccurring with him? First by the government who intended to use him as a super weapon, then by the Sheep who used him for his ability, then by mafia/Mori (getting him to join in exchange for sparing the sheep, keeping his past from him and giving him incentive to become an executive and stay in the organization). He's constantly used for his power.

Please tell me if I'm misinterpreting what you all said, but it seems (to me) that Chuuya ignores the mafia's/Mori's manipulation because they have helped him and given him a home+family, so he's instead loyal to them.

Because even though Mori has not and is using him for his power, he still allows it/goes along with it because they've helped him in the past and earned his loyalty.

So Chuuya tolerates being used.

He's now being used again, obviously, in part, because of his power. We have Fyodor referring to him as just his ability and bragging about how he can "use" him better than Dazai ("doesn't that mean you're unfit to USE a gravity manipulator")

Do you think it's possible that just being vamped and used again will cause him to reflect on his mentality? He's once again being used (but be it in far more blatant way: literal mind control. Also reminds me of Verlaine+his creator). Reflecting on how he's been used in the past and no longer accepting being used by others anymore?

Or do you think it might have the opposite affect and push him deeper into the mafia somehow

Also it's interesting that Fyodor is using him but hasn't earned his loyalty (like the sheep+mafia) and how that'll affect Chuuya

I'll get to the second ask in a bit but I'm combining these because they're related.

About the first ask: I mean, yeah, you're right about this. I don't know that I'd consider it so much "ignoring" though as "the benefits outweigh the costs so whatever", and I do want to state that I'm pretty sure Mori is genuinely at least a little fond of Chuuya (see: their conversation about leadership at the end of Fifteen), and his Mafia colleagues do respect him.

But yeah, you are absolutely right to say that there is a pattern of people who want Chuuya for his ability and his loyalty, and/or reduced him down to these traits. Playing hot potato with the escaped military lab experiment and the Mafia won (<-simplification for the funnies but still).

But here's the thing: if this was the end of it, we might expect to see some resentment mixed in there from Chuuya. He was blackmailed with the Sheep's lives. His past was intentionally locked away from him until he worked his way up to executive. That's... not great.

But instead we find pretty much only gratitude from him. Why?

Well, see, there's a reason I put the return of Chuuya's screwed up self-concept in the tags on that post, because it's kind of at the heart of his impressive loyalty. Chuuya believes that since he is the one with the strongest power, that makes him responsible for protecting everyone else, which means that he rationalizes any concern or protection directed at him as something "above and beyond", and worthy of recognition and repayment. Remember that he genuinely felt like just a vessel for power and nothing else for apparently quite a bit of his childhood, and the Sheep emphasizing that he owed them for taking him in probably did not help.

When it comes to having his back, the Mafia did this for him in a way no one else did. They protect their own, a value that aligns closely with Chuuya's own personal philosophy. The Mafia is also relatively safe from external threat, if we recall Dazai's pitch to Odasaku in Day I Picked Up Dazai - Odasaku is being targeted, but no one in their right mind would challenge the Mafia just to get to him. So, the Mafia has provided Chuuya with protection, comradery, and relative safety, which in my mind all condenses into a central need that takes precedence over everything else to him.

Chuuya's core need is actually stability.

And this makes quite a bit of sense. He started off as a kid with no memories and a whole lot of trauma he couldn't remember the roots of. One's past is a source of stability, but that had been taken from him. His position as leader of the Sheep was shaky. Even his identity as a human being was called into question. Chuuya as a kid and teen was largely untethered, separate from everyone else with no way to ground himself. Under those circumstances, something that originated as a chain could easily become a safety rope.

And once Chuuya found this stability, there was really no need for him to change anything. So he didn't. He settled into his new role and became really, really good at it, and didn't bother to re-evaluate beyond that. Why would he? That minimal core need has been met, despite the rocky beginning.

Which brings me to this second ask because it's actually incredibly relevant. Yes, Chuuya and Sigma are alike. You are not losing it anon.

Let's run a list, shall we? They both awoke with no memories and a missing history, and had their humanity called into question. They were used and blackmailed repeatedly, which they were, fortunately and unfortunately, consciously aware of. When they find something that matters to them, they become violently defensive of it. They both operate on principles of reciprocity and transaction because that is what they believe to be normal in relationships (Sigma's ability even is quite literally a transaction!). They both have pretty low standards for their assistance (Sigma hearing one (1) single person (Atsushi) be kind to him in what he thought were his last moments, Chuuya "You have helped Chuuya! Chuuya will now kill and die for you!" Nakahara).

Above all else, they are looking for stability. They are looking for a home.

As of yet, Sigma hasn't found a true home, but it seems we may be building up to him joining the ADA. The key part is Sigma's realization that the Agency doesn't rely solely on transaction. Dazai is not using the Agency, the Agency is not using Dazai. The Agency members are all helping each other. They care about each other.

Meanwhile, Chuuya has already found a place that provides his core need, but there's one caveat about the Mafia that should be clarified here - as Odasaku says in Dark Era, people within its ranks don't talk about personal matters and feelings with each other, and everyone instead keeps to themselves. If you don't talk about your issues or air them out, relations tend to stay personally shallow and dictated almost entirely by the demands and positions of the organization. This is not a conducive environment for reappraisal or self-exploration.

Unfortunately, this is ideal for Mr. Chuuya "I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day I'll die" Nakahara.

Chuuya has found some measure of stability - solace in his own self-defined identity in spite of the initial ambiguity as to his humanity. "This is who I am", "Till those flames die down, I can't just do whatever I want", "I'm gonna do what I need to do", etc. But importantly, this identity is entangled in whichever group he happens to be a part of, which in this case is the Mafia. This kind of self-identity cannot exist without the structure of an organization. It relies on the reciprocity of a group.

Moreover, it relies on Chuuya showing very little vulnerability. Compartmentalize, and move on. He expects that of himself.

So, we've established that Chuuya has his core need for stability met by the Mafia - a relatively secure place that runs on transaction, which is familiar to him - yet it also doesn't push him out of his comfort zone with respect to emotional vulnerability and openness. What this means is that, in the Mafia, Chuuya is practically invincible, both physically (his ability, his martial arts prowess) and emotionally (personal life kept hidden and guarded as a Mafia expectation).

Unfortunately, this means Chuuya also remains stagnant as a character, which finally, finally brings me back to your original question anon.

No, I don't think the vampirism is enough to trigger change in Chuuya's character. Chuuya has some standards, and treating him like a tool (and Dazai's tool, no less) is going to seriously piss him off, but that's anger at Fyodor, and it doesn't impact his stability with the Mafia any which way. If Chuuya had've been forced to activate Corruption to escape the drowning then maybe he would've been angry with Dazai enough for something to shift (activation being his own choice is a huge theme with them), but since he didn't, I expect Chuuya will unfortunately just shrug it off and roll with it. Probably yell at him for a bit, but nothing that would have far-reaching consequences for his character unless there is something about his current situation we don't yet know.

I think for Chuuya to grow and change as a character, he needs something major to shift in his life - the threat has to come from within his place of security. He needs to be destabilized. Something needs to happen that specifically targets his tethers and his self-concept.

Personally, my money's on the destabilization of his bond with Mori, who he has the most respect for, because that might trigger development related to leadership and goals, but I guess we'll see. I think it'll probably be incredibly heart wrenching and hurt us all severely, whatever it is.

Huh. I wrote a lot. Congrats for making it to the end! I'm going to sleep now. :D

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Edited by removing the entire middle section because it was absolute garbage and probably should’ve been its own post. I hope the rest of this holds up. That’s what I get for writing things at 2 in the morning I guess.

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By popular demand (hi Nawy) I’m making a separate post for that bit on the latest Chuuya post that I cut out about Chuuya’s relation to emotional vulnerability, and how fics exploring this could be really nice. (For clarity, I cut it out because I didn’t think it flowed with the rest of the post, even if it is related to it.)

“There is a part of Chuuya that wants to be treated kindly without expectations - real friendship, an equal dynamic. It's notable in the particular moments that actually endear him to a person - the Flags going out of their way to give him information about his past simply because they're his friends, Adam trying to cheer him up by giving him hope about finding out his identity from N, whatever happened to result in his unshakeable trust in Dazai. You could even make an argument for the way he frantically and instinctively reached out to hold his own younger, weaker clone self in his arms as he died. I keep thinking about @originalaccountname’s desire to see more fics that focus on Chuuya receiving care and allowing himself to not have to always be the strong one. I'd like to see this too tbh, but not just because Chuuya deserves to feel comfortable enough to open up these vulnerabilities - but also because the entire notion of such a thing would be deeply conflicting to him, I believe, and that could make for some intriguing character study. 

See, that no-strings kindness runs completely counter to the self-concept he has and that image of himself he's built up as "the one who does the protecting". Favours are no problem, because those don't dig into his inner self and can be easily repaid.�� But when it comes to more personally meaningful gestures, he's not great at accepting them, and tends to respond in one of two ways: getting defensive and looking for the "trap" or "catch", or briefly reacting with gaping surprise or muted happiness before immediately bottling that up with feigned irritation or indifference. I'm of the mind that it would take a long time to get him to the point where he could accept personally meaningful kind gestures and, god forbid, anything to do with emotional support, because in the end, it seems like he has a much easier time taking betrayal and pain in stride than acts of care. Chuuya expects danger. Kindness without expectation towards his person appears to be more shocking.”

A lot of the fics I’ve been working on involve tackling this particular contradictory aspect of Chuuya, but unfortunately they are all wips and for some reason do not write themselves. I highly encourage anyone who likes doing character study type pieces or just likes to see their favourite characters get some affection to play with this concept a bit. There’s a lot there to work and play with!

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Arrogance (smol pose practice)

cube him

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something something wind gods wip

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Take flight~ ❤️🕊️✨

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Reaper bard!!!! inspo by @moumoze !!! thank you!! 🕊✨

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I'm sorry if this is a bit out of the blue, but I really can't stop thinking about the Minionese thing from earlier

:)

this drawing was a byproduct of that fic drabble in minionese.

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hot venti breve quadruple shot upside down caramel macchiato with extra caramel + plum green tea boba with red bean and bubbles

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why am i even studying for my degree when the possible new president of the philippines (bbm 🤮) doesn't have one and faked his credentials?

why is an actor (robin padilla), who has zero experience in governance and is actually a sexist leading the senatorial race; when have candidates who are lawyers, human rights defenders, and over all more qualified than him can't seem to make it to the top 12 (e.g. chel diokno).

why are we over-looking people who has credentials and clean track records?? ang taas-taas ng standard natin sa ibang bagay pero sa mga politiko natin, hindi?

why are we ignoring leni robredo's contributions to our country especially during the pandemic? tha fact that she was being belittled by the duterte administration but was still able to achieve things says a lot about her leadership and skills.

why are we ignoring our history?

forgetting about the people who suffered under the marcos' regime, the wealth and resources that was taken from our country. we are still suffering because of what they did and we will suffer more under the hands of another marcos.

to anyone that would say "but they built infrastructures", are you really putting more value on infrastructures than the lives that were lost? the families who still suffer because of them? the victims who were never found? the people who were tortured, raped? do you not value their lives?

also, sa dami-dami nilang utang dapat lang may pinagawa sila but majority of the money they borrowed, they used it only for themselves.

foreign investors in our country are already pulling out. the stock market slowly going down. do you know why? because they don't trust marcos. our economy will suffer.

those you are rich enough will not experience the consequences of this elections. do you know who will? the poor, the marginalized, the people who we should have been thinking about when we voted.

to my fellow filipinos, do not stop protesting this election. this is for our future. we must stand our ground and fight for what is right and what we deserve. the comelec was biased and because of that we lost a bright future.

the entire world is watching as a dictator's son take power.

i am not crying because leni lost and bbm won. i am crying because our country lost and our people will suffer.

think not for one's self but for our nation.