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[mumblebea-blog]

Turn Baby Turn!

We are getting so close.

We only have a month until the due date. Mom and lots of other family members are telling me they don’t think I will make it till April 5th.

I just want Z to be healthy. My biggest concern right now is making sure she makes her way back to being in a head-down position. She had been head-down the entire time except when we went for our 35-week check she was transverse.

Transverse is uncommon at this late in the game but it can be fixed. Our wonderful midwife gave us some exercises to help encourage our baby to move into the correct position. Most of them are from Spinning Babies, which I had already researched on my own. And if you don't know about them, you should look them up. They are fantastic!

I’ve been sitting on a birthing ball at my computer desk every day since that appointment so even when I am sitting, I am still encouraging the great movement!

Honestly, I am getting pretty tired. Physically mostly. My back is starting to feel the extra weight. My stomach doesn’t feel like it can get any larger but we shall see.

Kenny and I practice the three exercises that our midwife gave us at least three times a week. I try and do what I can every day. He can only help with them when he isn’t working and he has been working a ton over the past few months.

Aside from preparing myself for birth and coming home with our baby, I have decided, alongside the deepening interest in all things natural and DIY, I want to start a garden here. Actually, I wanted it so badly, I’ve convinced Mom and Kenny that we need a garden.

Not just any garden. A vegetable, herb, and fruit garden. We are already well on our way with the seeds we purchased. Last Sunday, Mom, Kenny, & I all went to Heritage Days Festival at Baker Creek in Mansfield. We bought a ton of seeds to get the garden started.

I’m talking watermelons, tomatoes, squash, onion bulbs, lavender, milk thistle, fenugreek, cilantro, thyme, basil, fennel, rosemary, and peanuts.

Kenny sketched the layout of the garden today. We’re really excited about having this garden.

Kenny also had the cutest idea ever. He had been saying for a while that we should get a tree to plant as soon as our baby girl is born, so she can grow with it!. ADORABLE!

We both thought an apple tree would be great and decided that granny smith was the way to go because it was my favorite apple. I kind of wanted to get honey crisp because it was the apple I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy but we sadly couldn’t find any there.

Tomorrow we have our prenatal class finally and our 36-week visit. I pray she is head-down and that if she is she remains that way. We have to go to another ultrasound because of her transverse position on the previous visit and the fact that my scar tissue is making measuring 'how I am measuring' and thus how big our baby is a little more difficult than usual.

So on the 12th, we’ve got an ultrasound. Hopefully our last. But however you look at it, it just means I get to see my girl again before she arrives.

On Saturday, we are having our baby shower. I’m oh so excited to see everyone. One reason, I'm so excited is to see people I haven't got to see in years!

One of those people is my friend Sarah which is awesome in and of itself but I am super excited because she is bringing her twins and I have yet to meet them.

Aside from prepping for the shower, packing my hospital bag, and exercising her into the correct position I mainly spend my days researching natural alternatives to you name it and finding out how things grow best and how to use herbs and oils for everything :P

Something about having another person inside of you suddenly makes you give a crap about the crap you are putting into your body and the crap that you are piling up outside your body in and on the earth.

Who would have thunk it!

But seriously, I am just over the moon right now. Counting down the days. Saying my prayers and hoping for a happy and healthy head-down (fingers crossed) baby girl! And hopefully, I’ll be healthy too.

I’m so in love with how things are going I could almost swear that I am dreaming.

But thank god, I am not! At least I don't think I am.

Cannot wait to meet you ZGH! You already have my heart and I know you have your daddy's too and that just makes me bloom with joy!

[mumblebea-blog]

Meeting the Midwife!

It’s been forever since I’ve written and I apologize. I’m sorry for how long this particular post is going to be. But grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, maybe some popcorn or chips and have at it. 

You see, between the growing aches and pains, the fatigue and forgetfulness, and the general anxiety and overall excitement about what’s to come I lost track of the days passing me by without writing and began to lose motivation to write.

But Kenny reassures me I had an audience that was expecting updates. So I have found a new motivation in that fact.

A lot has happened since I last posted. Chief among them being that we are about to enter week 30. Just one more day in week 29. We’ve had a total of three ultrasounds. Babe’s growth and personality shine through each one. 

While each ultrasound tech has gradually gone downhill in quality other more important aspects of our maternity care has grown in quality. 

Over the past few months as my belly grew and my brain shrunk. Yes, that’s a thing! Some call it placenta brain. Others call it pregnancy brain. 

Kenny calls it baby brain and I like that most of all. 

So as my belly bulges and becomes more and more round and my brain forgets things from minute to minute I have been studying, reading, and watching an awful lot. 

I’ve watched nearly every possible positive pregnancy and childbirth documentary imaginable. I’ve even watched a few twice. If you need a recommendation, I got you! 

I’ve found and fallen in love with Ina May Gaskin and the rest of the crew at The Farm as I’ve been reading Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. It features an entire chapter full of rich and wonderful positive and natural birth stories, which is such an inspiration. I'm hoping to get her book on breastfeeding, Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding,  in my baby registry! 

I'm such an Ina May and The Farm fangirl! 

I’ve taken nearly every possible free online course, class, or lecture regarding everything from pregnancy to childbirth to natural vs medicated childbirth options and methods. I’ve studied pain management techniques and possible medications.

If you want to know more about free education online I’ll have more on that topic coming soon. 

I’ve taken an entire free lengthy prenatal course provided by the government of Nova Scotia. Even though I am not from there and haven't even been there they still let me take it for free. It's awesome and I highly recommend. Its called Welcome To Parenting. It’s taking me from the first trimester to labor and delivery this far. 

I’ve taken a free course on infant nutrition and breastfeeding, a course on maternity care and childbirth from a global perspective. So I’m much more in the know about a lot of things then I was previously and that exciting and motivating.

Baby is nearly 30 weeks old and in the 70% percentile, weighing almost 6 days ahead. I would never have imagined I would be here. Let alone the fact that my body out of all bodies would be able to not only provide support for another life but would provide enough support and nutrition that my baby would weigh ahead of schedule. 

I truly feel blessed. I feel extremely blessed to have Kenny. He has been so good to me, so understanding and compassionate. He’s been so hardworking despite the fact I know there have been terrible days at work. He’s kept the cat's litter boxes cleaned and he's taken the dogs out every day. 

I love him so much and I am so proud of him. I cannot think of anyone I would rather go through this wonderful weirdness with. 

He’s gonna be an amazing dad! He’s already so in love with the little peanut. I almost feel sorry for him because I know she will have him wrapped around her tiny little fingers. 

I also feel extremely blessed to have my mother. I am so thankful she has taken both of us in and been so helpful and supportive throughout my pregnancy. Even despite the fact that I have been known to have an attitude at times, she is still always being the best mother ever and I really don’t thank her enough and I don’t think I possibly could. She’s done so much for me and I need to be better at showing my appreciation. 

She just has shoulder surgery for the second time. It’s the first time on that shoulder. She’s recovering this week at my grandmas. My grandma Betty has been making some pretty fantastic little pieces of clothing, shoes, and accessories like hats for our little girl! She’s gonna be such a little superstar. 

I have been working on two projects for her nursery. I’m hand painting some woodland creatures on some gray slates of wood and creating little felt woodland creatures for her mobile. 

I needed something creative to do and I wanted to have at least something that I made her while she was a cooking. 

Earlier, I mentioned the fact that the quality of our maternity care had gone up in more important areas. I failed to mention how and why. 

So the story goes kind of something like this. 

During the earlier months of my pregnancy, I didn’t think too deeply about the different options of maternity care available to me and my family. It was somewhere before the first post I had created here when I really started looking into all my options. 

If you are pregnant or thinking about becoming pregnant you need to KNOW YOUR OPTIONS! Plus you will learn a lot and smile, laugh, and cry in the process! 

For me, after months of research and personal experience, Kenny and I both decided we had nothing to lose by going to meet with the midwives available to us. At the office we were already visiting for each appointment they also offered a midwifery program. So with nothing to lose. We started thinking about how to go about getting a midwife involved.

So each OBGYN appointment went almost exactly the same. No matter how early or late we would arrive we would wait at least 30 minutes to see our doctor. Waiting that long each time was one thing but what really started to get under our skin was the fact that it felt like there was no progress or communication really being done between the doctor, us, the nurses, or even the lab techs.

It was exactly what I had learned about in one of my courses.

Fragmented care.

It wasn’t so much scary at this point as it was just annoying. Literally for months, each and every time we would go into the exam room after waiting for thirty minutes a nurse would come and ask us the same general questions (which is to be expected) and then she or he would check my fundal height, my blood pressure, and then we’d listen to the baby's heartbeat. Without fail both the nurse and then once the OB came in, each  would ask if I was sure about my last period because the ultrasound showed the due date as April 5th rather than April 15th.

Each and every time both Kenny and I would explain that I wasn’t sure. I had a very short period then and it might not have been a period at all. I would even go into detail about how it was different than the rest of my periods. They would nod and agree.

Again and without fail

EVERY SINGLE TIME!

the OB would tell the nurse, okay we are going to officially change the due date to April 5th.

That’s just one example of

what the heck is going on here.

The other being the fact that I was told to get my prenatal labs done and then instead of the lab doing those they did something else? I was asked to do this either the first or second appointment and my mom being my mom and super proactive, says, let’s just do it all today. So we did. We got the labs taken the same day. The next time I went The OB told me to get my prenatal labs. I was taking aback. I thought for sure so had gotten those done already. She also said I should just go ahead and get my gestational diabetes test aka

glucose test

over with as well. I said I’m almost sure that I had taken the labs but no problem. She said, "oh we only have B12, D, and Iron lab results for you." I thought how in the world but I said, "okay". So the day arrives for us to take the labs and test and they tell me the same thing that they only have those few levels. I'm thinking okay whatever just do my prenatal and my gestational diabetes test. The phlebotomist there are really good. They are charming, polite, good communicators, and above all else, they don’t poke you all over the place to find a good vein they just get it and got it and then it’s over with. I’ve had virtually no pain from any blood withdraw at this hospital so that’s been nice. Anyway, back to the story.

No no one calls and tells me anything about my labs.

No one calls and tells me anything about my test results.

The same day we are to go to the OB. Towards the end of the appointment when they asked us if we had any questions,

Kenny mentions our interest in getting a midwife involved.

I was so relieved he asked that because I had really started to grow far too anxious and forgetful to ask it or to even think of how to ask it. Once he asked, the OB’s reaction was nice and she said of course because of my surgery or other factors there may be a need to have a doctor involved. But she never explained to me what my surgery would have to do with it at all. We just nodded expressing we understood.

Like all the rest of the appointments, I still felt like nothing was being discussed with me. 

Two weeks went by and we had both our last ultrasound appointment and our first meeting with the midwife on the same day. Unfortunately, because of the number of ultrasounds already scheduled I couldn’t get the 8:30 am appointment changed. This was not a good time for either one of us but it was especially bad for Kenny because he worked so late in the evening. He was good and we went but he acted like he didn’t want to meet with the midwife at all and seemed

a little fearful about what getting a midwife involved really meant.

I tried my best to reassure him but I could still feel he was

worried.

At that last ultrasound, we learned about our baby's s weight, position, and the position of my placenta.

Anterior Placenta.

A little over half of mamas have this!

Normal!

Baby head down, weighing 3lbs 4oz give or take 8oz. Amazingly, as I said in the 70% percentile and weighing 6 days ahead.

All good!!

I keep repeating these things because they are like positive and factual mantras. 

As far as the tech, she was rough on my scars. She pressed down pretty hard on them and my belly as a whole and it made me uncomfortable. It was actually painful when she would hit on my scars. So much so that at one point Kenny, watching the ultrasound came over and held my hand. She pressed ever so intently on my scars I ended up gripping his hand pretty tightly. It was just an

unexpected and uncomfortable pain.

Plus she was not professional and she was weird. She took crappy photos and blamed it on the baby. I’m sure it was a little bit of both. Even still, she was able to get a little bit more clear picture of the spine. I still see no faults in her spine. She does move around quite a bit but hey, she’s mine and Kenny’s spawn what else would you expect? After the ultrasound, we drove back home and took naps. We got up and went back to go meet with midwife. Let me just say w Even though we were about 7 minutes late and we still got to see the midwife in

less than 5 minutes.

The nurse asked us the usual questions and we mentioned the fact that we had an ultrasound earlier that day. She asked us what time. We informed and she said she would check to see if the results were posted to my file by now as she assumed they should be.

I instantly thought well damn, even the nurse here is more together.

Sure enough, when Nancy, our midwife came back she came with the ultrasound results.

And for the first time ever someone talked to me about my ultrasound and about my lab results. Nancy basically sat with me entire file in front of her and went over almost everything with Kenny and me.

We learned the 70% percentile is good and we learned

I don’t have gestational diabetes.

I learned I was growing a healthy baby that had all the nutrition she needs and the only thing I was lacking for myself was iron. I was only lacking 1 digit from the accepted levels of iron. So Nancy decided to add an iron supplement.

She also explained that my surgery would have been the only factor preventing me or causing any worry regarding a natural and unmedicated birth because it could be a worry that I wouldn’t be able to provide adequate nutrition to my baby.

She told me that I didn’t need to worry about that at all because I had

more than proven that I was able to provide my baby

with the nutrition she needed. In fact, she told me that there was

nothing that she could see that would be worrisome.

I now had the green light for a natural and unmedicated hospital birth.

Better yet, our midwife not only knew Ina May Gaskin  but she got to see her speak. So clearly, she and I are kindred spirits already.

I fell in love with the midwife and I think Kenny did a little too.  I knew this was who I wanted to deliver my baby.

The real bonus of the midwife system within the hospital system is that really it is highly unlikely that anyone other than Nancy or the other midwife, Heather would be on call to deliver my baby. If I had stuck with the OB I would have to deal with the fact that someone I have never met and someone who has no idea what my birth plan is (and or might not even care) might be delivering my baby simply because they are the doctor on call.

Not such a comforting feeling.

A 50% chance of Nancy and 100% chance of midwife unless something crazy were to occur means

less chance of fragmentation

.

Additionally, these two (women with women) work together side by side with the same goal and purpose. Their values are more patient (client) focused.

Of course when something has gone array or may be going in that direction they have the tools and methods to move towards a better direction. If  something unforeseen happens another benefit is that we are still in the hospital and any OB can be called at any time.

It is the best of both worlds!

All of these things set in me a great sigh of relief. After meeting with Nancy, I told Kenny how happy and relieved I was. Kenny was visibly relieved as well. He said, she was so calming and so real with us.

Truly, she was exactly those things. She had such a calming presence and she didn’t talk at us or down to us. While there is always a sort of power structure in these types of situations the midwives do all they can to be people-centered and focused. They create their goals around your goals. The same cannot be said for OB. While they can be nice. They aren’t very reassuring or helpful to first-time moms, at least in my experience. Thank God they exist because without them there would surely be more fatalities but when there is no reason for the medical approach then a midwife is a better option. One certainly more satisfying for me. OB-GYN and for the most part, sadly, doctors, on the whole, tend to just see you as a number. They treat maladies and midwives are the masters of normal.

For once I am normal! I’m having a normal healthy pregnancy thus far and I’m over the moon!

I feel so much love and support. I can hardly wait to see my precious baby girl.

But for now, I hope this update has at least shed some light on how everything has been going.I hope I didn’t miss anything major but I’m pretty sure I got it all but with these baby brains it’s hard to say. That’s all for now folks! Be well!

[mumblebea-blog]

Winter Blues

Here I am again. I am feeling as if I am back to square one. I can feel the winter weather weaving in. I'm not a fan of the cold.  I have never been. Winter makes me so tired. It makes me want to hide away. Winter makes me want blankets, a book, coffee and that's about it. But I cannot have too much caffeine, so after my first cup, I have decaf. But winter always makes me feel cold, lonely, and most of all so blue. Hopefully, this year not so much! When I was a kid the only thing that ever excited me about the prospect of the cold climate was the possibility of snowfall. Mostly, I was excited about the potential the snowfall brought. What potential might that be? Well, the potential for the yearly snowman but most awesome of all was the potential for the yearly attempt to complete an igloo. My sister and I had this unspoken agreement that year after year we would undergo this great task until eventually, we completed an entire igloo and although we persisted for a solid five years or so we didn't ever finish the task. I could blame it on the climate change. The older I get the weirder winters have become. Lacking the beauty of the snow and bringing with it only the harsh bite of the heavy winds. Sometimes it snows but it rarely snows as much as I remember it snowing back then. Maybe I was a fan of the winter a little bit back then. Maybe I was just a fan of that togetherness my sister and I shared. Maybe it was a bit of both. The igloo building and what it meant for us to each try again year after year until we were too old or too tired to do has inspired me a bit. It has awoken me in its own way. I feel as if when I was much younger I had a lot more courage. I doubt that I am unique in this. Sadly. I am sure there are countless studies about why some people seem to hold onto that courage and others seem to let it go. I ran across the concept of closed mindsets versus growth mindsets and since that day I have been pondering back and forth in my mind as I so often do, which of the two mindsets I have. You see for the most part I am entirely too curious for my own good. I love life in all of its magic but I absolutely dread the mundane. Yet, I feel I have brought about much mundanity whether consciously or unconsciously. Honestly, it is a fear that stops me.  A little negative inner dialogue Expressing its concern for the absolute worst. What if this happens? Or worse yet, what if you fail. Ah! I idea of failure is and has always been something that has held me back. I find it stops me and I start again in a kind of back and forth for the great majority of my life. Nevertheless, I have decided I am going to write. I am going to write even when it feels like I have nothing to write. Because I need to write. Because nothing quite makes me feel so alive and aware of my own being as writing. So I write. A lot has been stressing me out but I'm feeling much better now that I've written a bit. Hopefully. it is at least entertaining. Maybe even uplifting somehow. Tomorrow I am going to restart my routine because I let myself slide. If you haven't guessed, I'm not perfect. I have at the very least remembered to take my prenatal vitamins every day.  I just have to make sure I reestablish the routine of exercise and drinking enough water. In all seriousness, I laugh now at all the things I have failed at and even sometimes the things I have been successful at. Life is weird. But if I fail at being a parent. I will surely die. One thing is for certain, I'm still about as dramatic as they come but I hope more than anything else that I am genuine, kind, and still curious. I will leave it at that because I am fairly tired. Goodnight.

[mumblebea-blog]

Hello:Mumble

I'm about to be a first-time mom. I have only one hundred and twenty-three days until my baby girl is born. I'm filled with excitement, anxiety and all of the hormones. But more than all of that I am filled with joy. A joy I never thought I would know. A joy I never thought possible before the prospect of becoming a mother ventured into my reality. I'm twenty-nine and before I found out I was pregnant I didn't think that I could have children. I hadn't really tried but I had definitely not been as cautious as I could have been. If I am being honest, one would expect more accidents to happen. When I found out I was in shock. My fiancé and his mother already over the moon. I remained in a state of shock for about the first two to three months after I found out. I was not really preparing myself physically, emotionally, or mentally. I had a very back of my mind kind of approach to the whole thing for those first few months but a lot and I mean a lot has changed since then. Firstly, when we found out my fiancé and I were still each working from home as remote technical support agents. We had moved in with his mom at the time but as soon as I found out I was expecting all I really wanted was to be around my own mother. So we moved in with my mom. He still works from home as a tech support agent and I, on the other hand, had to let it go; after a few too many days of feeling like even the air was going to make me yak or knowing that if I got yelled at again for something completely beyond my control I would likely break down on the phone and unravel at the seams. Things I was very familiar with like my emotions, in particular, were suddenly like strangers passing me by, gawking at me, for their own skewed sort of judgmental entertainment. I was always nauseous and needing to pee. Thank goodness that passes and what is brought shortly thereafter is far more intense emotion, appetite, and an even greater need to wee.  Alongside all of those wondrous things is the unexpected and overwhelming, (at least for me) desire to nest. It hasn't been only nesting for me. All I can think about is the baby girl that I am going to get to bring home in the mid to late spring and all of the marvelous things I can share with her. This is that feeling of joy that I didn't know was possible, already creeping in on me. I have no idea how deeply I will feel it when I hold her for the first time. I can hardly wait. But seeing as I have too, mostly due to the fact that she's got just about four months left to grow, I will write to her and to whomever else might be reading. I will wait, watch, read, write, learn and grow. This blog is part of my journey while she is within and without the womb. So Hello, Mumble. Hello to the mumble, the mommy sort of chit-chatter I imagine in my head as I hop from blog to pin to video. I am looking for all the knowledge, inspiration, and imagination one mommy can muster. Join me in my waiting, watching, reading, writing, learning and growing. I'm oh so excited.