mutilason

[mutilason]

Easily the most annoying kind of vampire in the world are the ones where you finally corner the fuckers and when you're going in with the stake they start spouting off sociology 101 bullshit to try and weasel out of it. "Oh, no ethical consumption under capitalism," "oh, the rich are the real vampires if you think about it-" yeah, yeah, you ate like fifty homeless people, asshole. Hold still

[mutilason]

Starting night 2 of Summerslam and Holy fuck how is Rhea Ripley so hot and somehow still gets hotter and hotter every time she appears. Her outfit was fairly standard for what she wears at PLE’s anyway, but like. Fuck. Her confidence and stride to the ring is just stunning. Goddamn.

Also This match is gonna kick ass because IYO SKY and Naomi are also both badasses, but I’m biased towards Rhea so…

[mutilason]

Girls Pretty.

[mutilason]

Agree

G-girls...

[mutilason]

Why being cute is so hard...

[mutilason]

Touch

[mutilason]

[mutilason]

I didn’t make my brain dump post last night because I was too heartbroken about hearing Ozzy Osbourne has passed on to the next realm.

Rock in Peace Prince of Darkness, King of Rock and Roll

Gonna be on an Ozzy/Sabbath kick again for a while.

[mutilason]

Been a bit since I posted anything, so I’ll try to make a brain dump later today/tonight after work, but just wanted to say that uh, DOOM: The Dark Ages fucking slaps. I beat it over the weekend, and it’s so fucking hype.

More to follow later

[mutilason]

Holy fuck I finally have my ADHD meds again. February was the last time I was able to pick them up.

Now After 5 months of being jerked around and/or radio silence from Doctor and insurance, my meds were finally approved for the Prior Authorization bullshit, allegedly for a year now, so hopefully I can get shit back on track.

Fucking Christ I’m so tired

[mutilason]

via @swatercolor [insta]

[mutilason]

My mind is going bonkers, and it’s been while since my last Tumblr Brain Dumpᵗᵐ so get ready because even I’m not sure where this one’s going.

*Ahem*

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Okay, with that out of the way; I feel like I have a lot bottled up, but don’t know how to express it. I feel like I might be closing myself off, but I don’t know how to stop it. Like. I’m okay, I’ll be okay, but I can see shit going in directions I don’t like, but I feel like I can’t stop it.

The problem is I don’t really know what this means either. I’m gonna talk to my therapist about it on Saturday (if I remember, but that’s, ideally, what this is for.) but I just feel like I’m at a crossroads, and don’t know which way to take, and it makes me nervous, and that makes me freeze.

It feels like I’m not progressing. Stuck in a rut. But not in a bored way. I work a Monday to Friday 8-5 job, at which I started a new position a few months ago, and it’s been great. Your standard back office pseudo IT desk job, so like. I know it’s the kinda thing some people would hate, but I wanted that scheduled regularity. Plus, no longer dealing with customers directly is a huge bonus lmao.

Now that I have the regular schedule, it’s easier to plan things with people, account for bills/important shit, and personal time, right? You’d think so.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have the time and ability to do so, but fuck, I just feel so burned out by the time I get home lately. I just don’t wanna do anything. I just wanna smoke, eat dinner, maybe play a little bit of video games if I finish eating early enough, and go to bed.

Like. This doesn’t feel productive. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel like I’m relaxing, it feels like I’m avoiding all my important shit. Even now, doing this, I should prolly be going to sleep, because I have work in the morning. But I wanted to try and play a little bit of Oxygen Not Included before bed, because now I’m almost trying to force myself to get in some video game time when I can.

Which, even that feels conflicting to me. I feel like I don’t have time for video games, which sucks. But lately I’ve been trying to force myself to get back to my PC and game more often because I miss it, specially solo gaming. I just feel like i haven’t been able to focus on a story or single player game in ages. Attention span really just be fucked.

But then forcing the games, makes me feel like there’s something better I could be doing. Literally anything, and it makes me enjoy playing them less, because it’s not exactly wrong. There are things I’m neglecting, relatively important things, but not anything that’ll risk my job or housing, so I guess I just ignore it.

And I don’t think it’s this position, because I was feeling this way beforehand too. It doesn’t help that my ADHD meds have been stuck in Prior Authorization since fucking March, so that doesn’t help. I had the taste of mental freedom and getting shit under control, for about 3 1/2 months, only for it to be ripped away. My insurance decides to be a fuck ass and needs another PA from my doctor. They need approval from him for me me to get the prescription. The prescription that my doctor prescribed to me, for my ADHD. The one I had been using for 3 months prior. And then suddenly had an issue.

On top of that, my doctor, who seems chill, albeit a bit rushed (small office) and open to what I would have to say, does not respond to messages when I send them, despite him telling me to send them if I need anything, and calling has proven unsuccessful when the office just kinda loops me around.

But finally, there’s me, causing problems for myself, by not communicating any of these issues as often as I should. I just. Don’t have the mental energy or drive to reach out. It’s just a message, not even a phone call, but I have been struggling since March just to get something. And when i finally make a chance to get an appointment and figure things out, nothing happens, nothing comes from it because I’m still in the waiting game. So now I’m discouraged from reaching out again. I know I need to. But I just..don’t. Can’t.

It sounds like depression right? Like. I feel like I was getting better for a bit, but now it’s just going back down. Granted, I did stop taking my anti depressants, which I will start again tomorrow, but I did that because I felt like I wasn’t getting a difference, and/or that I’d feel worse. But I don’t remember, because I stopped a few weeks ago, and I have goldfish brain (first few times were forgetting to take them, but then I just kept not doing it).

That prescription is new ish, I started it in March, because those didn’t get fucked by the PA for some reason, but i think I got like 2 1/2 months before stopping. I think it was end of May. Maybe beginning of June. Idk, I’ll start it again tomorrow. Maybe that’ll help.

I forgot where I was going with this, and I could scroll up, but I want these to be raw. I don’t want to go back and make too many edits outside of formatting or spelling (or occasionally when a sentence/paragraph I wrote out works better if it comes after another. Like a “I’m taking about X, and now Y, but I think X being after Y will make this flow easier” or some shit.

Idk if any of this made sense, but whatever, I think that’s kinda the point of these anyway. Just the rambles of my half asleep, a little high, and unfiltered neurodivergent mind. Fuck this shit sucks sometimes. I like being me, quirks and defects and all, but damn, some people just live without having these issues? I cannot imagine lmao

Anyway, I got work, so is bedtime. Thanks for reading. If you got this far, you get dog pics (my roommates dog, she’s a sweet Diva)

Night bitches~

[mutilason]

the neurodivergent experience:

20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333

80% of the time: this mind is a prison

[mutilason]

tumblr is the go to wizard site but there's not nearly enough love for adventure time wizards imo

[mutilason]

Shucks

reblog to wirelessly transfer all of your dysphoria to jk rowling

[mutilason]

It is particularly erroneous to leave out Riza's muscles in fanart when she has to use physical strength in her day-to-day life much more than Roy.

Roy is their universe's equivalent of a magic user. Sure being a soldier might have led him to build up some muscle, but consider how, during the story, most of his job leaves him bound to his desk. And his fighting style is essentially standing there and snapping at people.

Riza meanwhile, carries around big ass guns, she needs to hold them in place for long periods and she needs to upper body strength to handle their recoil.

(This is an overly long way of me saying I want more fanart of swole Riza bridal carrying Roy.)

[mutilason]

This would certainly stunlock me long enough to melt my health bar. Too bad the only loot they'll get is a pouch of anxiety lmao

GIRL PLAYERS ARE ABUSING MY ATTACK PATTERNS TO DEFEAT ME