nanathebb

[nanathebb]

Marry me instead

Summary: Natasha’s childhood best friend is getting married, she can’t let it happen... even if she is on the run.

Warnings: none

Word Count: 3578

1995 — Ohio

“Natty! I told you to not sneak in through my window! Mom could hear you and she would get mad”

“She won’t hear me, don’t worry Squishy” she assured her friend, making Y/N roll her eyes. The 10-year-old turned back towards her best friend, a small frown still present on her face.

“But it’s dangerous, you could fall” she explained, worried every time she heard her best friend climb up the window.

The blue-haired girl approached her friend carefully when she crossed her arms, a bigger frown taking over her features. “I’m always careful, I’m used to it, don’t worry, I know what I’m doing” she said calmly as she placed her hands on her friend’s arms. Natasha gave her a pout, knowing Y/N could never resist it.

“Your puppy face won’t work this time” Y/N told her, trying to be as convincing as she could, although a small smile appeared on her lips.

The older girl started smirking, and that is when her best friend started worrying. Nothing good ever happened when Natasha smirked.

“Okay well, guess I can make you forgive me with another way…” she trails off, as she started tickling her best friend mercilessly.

“Natty! Please stop! My mom will hear!” Y/N started begging through her giggles, trying to push away her friend as hard as she could, even though she knew it was useless because Natasha had always been stronger than her.

“Just say you forgive me and I’ll stop” the older kid assured her best friend, a big smile on her face while she kept attacking her friend’s sides.

“Okay, okay, I forgive you! Please stop now Nat” Y/N admitted defeatedly, knowing there was no way she could escape the attack she was receiving.

The blue-haired girl stopped her attack but kept her hands on her friend’s sides, smiling at her. The smile she only showed her.

“I came to ask you about something” Natasha told her quietly, not looking Y/N in the eyes. Natasha was a very confident girl, she never turned away from danger—even though the biggest danger they ever faced together was Melina chasing them after they had ruined Natasha’s clothes by wanting to dig an underground tunnel to connect both of their houses—but Natasha was always forward, always confident, always honest. Seeing her, vulnerable, was rare. She only showed this side to one person, and she was standing right in front of her.

“Okay, what is it Natty?” Her friend asked her softly, trying to catch her eyes.

“I saw James earlier” the older girl said as she looked down at the floor, making her best friend question her behavior.

“Okay, and…?”

“He said you were his girlfriend” Natasha confessed with a small voice. Unable to contain herself at her friend’s confession, Y/N laughed, making the blue-haired girl look up with a frown.

“Natty, it was only a game, we were pretending like mommy and daddy” her friend assured her, smiling. Natasha blushed, something that only ever happened rarely. She rarely let her emotions show, which was odd for a kid, but Natasha was not like other kids.

“So you’re not his girlfriend?” She asked, making her friend chuckle once again as she shook her head no.

“No Natty. You are my girlfriend” she replies, reminding her of the promise they made when they were 6 years old.

They smile at each other and Natasha can’t help but hug her best friend. She always had a hard time making friends, real friends, who saw through her, and accepted and loved her for who she was. When she met Y/N for the first time, she knew they were going to be great friends, and she knew they would grow old together, Y/N was her person.

“You know you’re my best friend Natty, you are the most important to me” she heard her best friend tell her as they pulled away, making Natasha smile, a real smile.

“You are the most important to me too, Squishy” she replies as a blush crept up her face.

“Are you blushing?” Her friend teased her, making Natasha groan loudly.

She walked back towards the window, looking back at Y/N, smiling “See you tomorrow?”

Her friend smiled at her, the smile she only showed her “See you tomorrow”

2016 — New York

Watching the news from a barstool in a small coffee shop, Natasha knew she had little time before the feds showed up. She had been spotted four minutes ago when she entered the shop, by the camera in the top left corner. She took a sip of her coffee, her eyes roaming the room behind her sunglasses. She stood up, walking over to one of the public computers, quickly getting into hacking. She needed to find a place to go, a safe place. Although, she knew she couldn’t call any of her contacts, she needed someone trustworthy.

There was someone.

The Russian quickly typed on the keyboard, finding the information she needed. Once again glancing around the shop, she found an address, a very familiar address. She was about to shut everything off when her eyes caught something on the screen.

“You are cordially invited to the wedding of Y/N and Nicolas”

Shocked and surprised, Natasha didn’t have any time to process the information that she saw cops outside the shop. Closing everything down, she runs out by the backdoor, on the trail of her childhood best friend.

2016 — Ohio

Y/N thought she would get emotional as she tried on her wedding dress, the night before the big day. She thought she would shed a tear, at least, but nothing. Not even a smile. She sighed as she turned away from the mirror, and sat on her bed, reflecting on her life. She was going to marry her childhood friend, a nice guy, polite and sweet, a lawyer with a very good situation. She had everything to be happy. Despite all of that, she wasn’t.

With another sigh, she got up, wanting nothing more but to take off this dress. But, before she could move further, she heard a noise coming from her window. Standing still, staring at her window, she couldn’t move. When another noise was heard, she quickly hid in her closet, looking through the split for any sign of danger. A pair of hands appeared behind the glass, picking the lock of the window, making Y/N close the closet door completely, afraid she would be seen. Soon after the intruder stepped into her bedroom, very quietly. Her breath stopped when she could no longer hear the movements of the other person.

“I know you’re in the closet Y/N” the mysterious person says, making Y/N lookup. She knew this voice, she swears she knows it. She waits, trying to not panic, not knowing what to do. Someone just broke into her bedroom, knowing who she is, and knowing she would be there, at almost 12 pm. After a pause, still clueless on what to do, she hears a sigh.

“It’s me Squishy” the voice says quietly, making her ears perk up. Eyes widening, Y/N cannot believe it. She decides to trust her instincts, and opens the closet door slowly, seeing a redhead sat on her bed, looking at her.

“Natty? What are you—” Y/N starts as she launches herself in her childhood best friend’s arms, hugging her as tight as she could, feeling Natasha wrap her arms around her body. Tears well up in her eyes at the feeling of her friend’s embrace, unable to believe it. She pulls away, taking the time to analyze her friend’s face. Even though she had seen her on TV, it was new to see her in real after all this time. Her gaze first fell on the Russian’s jaw, sharp and much more defined than when they were kids. She traced it with her fingers, feeling the soft skin against the sharp bones. Her eyes fell on the redhead’s lips, full and parted, letting her feel the warm breath of the spy on her face. She looked up, her gaze falling in the woman’s eyes, trying to decipher each color precisely, the wild green she always loved to look into when she used to be sad. And the soft brown taking more place in the autumn, giving more depth to the redhead’s eyes. Her gaze finally fell on the avenger’s hair, a beautiful red. She ran her fingers through it, unable to contain herself.

“So you’re a redhead” she commented with a chuckle, making the Russian laugh.

“What are you doing here Natty” she whispered, afraid to break the special moment they were sharing. Natasha shook her head, trying to contain her tears, as she felt all of her emotions wash over her. She looked up at her friend, her eyes full of tears as well, but a big smile on her face.

“It’s complicated Y/N, but I needed to see you” she replies, taking Y/N’s hands in hers as she looked down.

“They are after you Nat” her best friend tells her, worry written all over her face while she squeezes her hands. “You can’t be here, you could be in danger, you need to—”

“You’re getting married” Natasha interrupts her, looking back up. Y/N opens her mouth to continue but stops herself, taken aback by Natasha’s words.

“You’re getting married to Nicolas. Why?” The redhead asks, unable to contain her thoughts, nor her confusion.

“What do you mean, why Nat” Y/N replies, confused about the situation. She hadn’t seen Natasha in years, and the spy asks her about her wedding?

“You never liked him, you always thought he was lame” Natasha says, her tone becoming slightly annoyed. She hid it well, and even though Y/N hadn’t seen her in years, she knew her.

“Natasha” Y/N sighed, standing up and walking towards her dresser, taking off her jewelry.

“No Y/N, I need to understand, why are you marrying him” the spy admits, looking at her friend, from her spot on the bed.

“Natasha, you left in the middle of the night, I never saw you again until now. You became an avenger, and you never once thought of texting or calling. Now you sneak into my room, the day before my wedding and ask for an explanation? I don’t think you’re in the right place to ask questions” the woman in front of her snapped, as she turned back to face the Russian.

Natasha sits back, surprised by her friend’s sudden outburst. She was right. She never called. She could have. But she didn’t. She watched from afar, making sure Y/N was okay and happy, but she never contacted her. Feeling the guilt take over her, Natasha looks down, trying to find the right words.

“Natty… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m happy to see you” Y/N says, feeling bad.

“You’re right” she hears, making her look at her ex-best friend, seeing all of the emotions she had been trying to hide since she got here. The guilt, the regret, the doubt, the sadness, the anger, and the love.

“I can’t come back in your life and question your choices. I have so many things to tell you” Natasha says, a sad smile on her face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t call or text, I just thought you wouldn’t want to see me after I left. I thought you hated me”

“How could you think that Natty” her friend interrupts, as she walks back towards the bed, sitting down beside the spy. “You were my best friend, I would have understood. You didn’t choose this” she tells her friend, trying to find her eyes. She takes the redhead’s hands in hers, intertwining their fingers like they used to when one of them was upset.

Natasha looks up, seeing all of the love in her friend’s eyes, and she can’t help but shed a tear “You’re too good to me” she tells her, smiling. Y/N smiles back, happy to see her old friend after so many years.

After a pause, Y/N looks away, staring at herself in the mirror “It makes sense” she says quietly.

Natasha looks up, waiting for her to continue.

“Me, marrying Nicolas. It makes sense, we have been friends since we were kids, and we started dating in high school. He is nice” she tells her quietly.

Natasha grabs her friend’s chin slowly, forcing her eyes in her direction “Y/N, it doesn’t have to make sense. You get married because you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them. You marry someone that you love unconditionally, that you want to see every day, someone you would be willing to lose everything for” she tells her softly, her eyes full of sincerity and love, a sad smile on her face. Y/N smiles sadly at her words, a couple of tears falling down her cheeks, but Natasha is quick to wipe them away, caressing her cheeks.

“Natasha…” Y/N whispers as she shakes her head, pulling Natasha’s hands away.

“Marry me instead” the redhead splutters out, making the other woman’s head snap up, a look of surprise on her face.

“What? Natasha, have you lost your mind?” Y/N says loudly, standing up as she starts pacing around the room.

“Y/N, we both know you don’t love him” Natasha replies calmly, keeping her composure, making Y/N look at her like she was crazy.

“So what, marrying someone I haven’t heard of in years is a better idea? You are on the run Natasha!” She says angrily, a glare sent towards the redhead.

The Russian stands up, walking towards her friend, grabbing her arms to stop her from moving “Y/N, you have always been special to me” the redhead admits, looking Y/N straight in the eyes.

“Natty…” Y/N sighs, glancing down at the redhead’s lips.

Natasha had always been special to her as well, she never managed to forget her. Natasha was actually the person occupying her mind almost every day. She discovered her best friend and her family had left their home in the middle of the night the next day when she went to her house. Her mother later told her that a neighbor had seen them leave late in the evening, packing a couple of stuff and driving away quickly. Y/N didn’t understand, Natasha would have told her if they moved away. She had lost her best friend, and she couldn’t get her out of her head even years later. Going into her teenage years, she thought she would forget Natasha as she met new people, and started dating. But no one could make her feel at ease as Natasha used to just by her presence. No one ever made her feel loved like Natasha did at the age of only 10. She realized she liked Natasha as more than a friend after kissing her boyfriend for the first time. She knew she was supposed to feel the butterflies, the fireworks, and everything. But she didn’t. She never felt them. She only felt them once. When she had kissed Natasha. They had kissed a couple of days before her best friend had left the state. Everyone was talking about their first kiss, up to the point where Y/N and Natasha were the only inexperienced ones. Y/N had confessed this to her best friend, feeling sad because all of their other friends had already kissed someone, except them. Natasha, seeing her best’s friend obvious sadness, had proposed that they could have their first kiss together. Y/N agreed and they shared their first kiss together. Even at the age of 10, they both felt something, something new. Their relationship changed after that. They knew something special was born. But, they didn’t have any time to know more about it since her friend had been forced to leave the country. And now here she was, in front of the person she was certain she could spend the rest of her life with.

“If I never left, we would be together now. It would be us getting married” the redhead assured in a whisper, squeezing the other woman’s hands. Just like Y/N, she never forgot her best friend, and she never forgot her first kiss. Staring into the eyes of her friend, she could see she was afraid. Natasha was scared too. Being on the run on your own was complicated enough, but being on the run with the person you loved? It either sounded romantic or completely crazy. Natasha smiled softly, finally taking the chance to look at Y/N fully, admiring the way her wedding dress hugged her body. She had seen pictures of her friend as an adult, and she knew that standing in front of her, she would think she was even more beautiful in real. But seeing her in a wedding dress, she was a vision. Natasha thought she had never seen true beauty until this moment. She brought her left hand up to Y/N’s face, caressing her cheek, feeling the soft skin of her lover. Closing her eyes, Y/N’s hand wrapped around Natasha’s wrist, enjoying the warmth of her hand, leaning into it. A warmth she had only ever experienced when she was with the redhead. The redhead’s other hand fell on Y/N’s hip, letting her thumb caress it.

“Natasha…” her friend pleaded, not above a whisper.

“Shh, please, don’t talk” the spy stopped her, taking a step closer, making their noses brush. Opening her eyes, Y/N was captivated by the Russian’s eyes, seeing her pupils dilated, the green, mixed with the soft brown. But what she mostly saw in her eyes, was the love. A love her fiancé often had in his eyes when he looked at her.

“What do you see in my eyes Natty” she asks the spy, wanting to know more than anything. The redhead smiled, putting both of her hands on Y/N’s cheeks as she stared deep into her eyes.

“You know what’s in your eyes, Squishy” she told her, smiling at her “Love” she added softly.

Y/N looked down, closing her eyes tightly, unable to ignore the reality. She had always known deep down, but she always managed to ignore it, until now. She felt soft fingers grabbing her chin, lifting it up, and it is when she met Natasha’s green orbs that she finally admitted it.

“I love you” she breathed out, a lone tear trailing down her cheek, ending its course on her lips, curved into a small smile. The redhead’s smile grew, and she closed her eyes as she finally let her lips touch Y/N’s. Pulling Y/N closer as one of her hands fell on Y/N’s hip, she kissed her, with all the love and passion she hid all those years. Pouring her emotions into the kiss, they both felt like they were on cloud nine, having never experienced such thing as true love. As they pulled away for air, neither of them could stop a smile from forming on their lips.

“I love you too” the redhead replied, out of breath. Unable to contain herself, Y/N pulled her in for another kiss, shorter, but with as much envy.

Natasha smiled as she let her tears fall, the smile she only showed Y/N.

“Marry me, run away with me. We will settle down on a small farm, away from everything, just the two of us, just like we said when we were kids” Natasha said, full of hope and excitement.

“You’re serious?” Her lover replied, trying to contain her own excitement. As kids, they always talked about how they wanted to live on a small farm and grow old together. They would think about their future in the evenings, when they were alone, watching the nightlife take over, and the fireflies light up the dark sky.

Natasha nodded her head vigorously, as she held her lover’s hands in her own while waiting expectantly for Y/N’s answer.

After a pause, she nodded her head “Okay, let me grab a couple of stuff and we can go”

“Okay, okay, go change and I’ll grab your stuff” the spy told her, knowing they didn’t have much time. She started packing a couple of clothes, what seemed essential, while her lover changed in the bathroom. Y/N came out a couple of minutes later, dressed in a pair of jeans and a grey shirt.

“Ready to go, babe?” The Russian asked while walking towards the window. Y/N walked over to her bed, putting the wedding dress down on top of it. She took off her engagement ring, taking a pause. Natasha walked over to her, and hugged her from behind, pecking her cheek.

“Are you sure?” She whispered, feeling slightly guilty about stealing the bride. Y/N turned around in her arms, kissing her lovingly as she wrapped her arms behind her neck.

“I am. You’re my person” she confessed to the redhead as their lips parted.

Natasha smiled, pulling her over the window. She climbed down, looking up at her lover “This time, you’re coming down with me Squishy”

[nanathebb]

You deserve love

A/N: Hi guys! This is the first time I’m posting on Tumblr, so I’m still figuring everything out 😁 Feedback is always appreciated, and requests are open (my dms too if you wanna be friends 🤗) Let me know if I should add warnings, enjoy!

Natasha believed she didn’t deserve love. It was just like that. Because of her past, the bad things she had done, she didn’t deserve to be loved. She didn’t deserve to have someone who cared about her, in more than a platonic way. She had killed, she had tortured, she had done bad things.

Why would she deserve love? There were good people in this world, genuine people. People rescuing abandoned animals, giving food to others living in the streets, or even helping move in their neighbors. She could see people giving random acts of kindness, but she couldn’t see it in herself. As she helped Peter with his homework, gave a hand to Wanda for the food, or saving the world. She thought she wasn’t kind, she wasn’t nice, she was just trying to make up for all the bad she had done. But all of the saving in the world, wouldn’t make her better in her eyes.

Those thoughts occurred in her mind most of the days. Even now, as she bumps into a complete stranger, pouring her coffee all over them, making them gasp.

Well, how cliche, she thought.

“I am so sorry, I was lost in my thoughts.” Natasha starts to apologize as she looks up at the stranger in front of her.

“It’s really no problem, it’s just really hot, gosh.” The stranger replies as she tries to tug her shirt away from her as best as she can, keeping the hot liquid off her body.

Natasha glances down to the girl's chest, seeing the white fabric clinging to her body. 

Even more cliche, she told herself. 

She looked back up at the woman's face, taking a second to study her face. Her nose was scrunched up as she kept looking down at her white shirt, now stained with Natasha's coffee. She looked up at Natasha, smiling softly. Natasha could tell she was a good person. She was carrying some grocery bags, making the redhead wonder how she was not struggling. Her smile was genuine, she wasn't mad at the redhead for spilling her coffee on her, she seemed so relaxed, so happy. Natasha envied that. The redhead smiled a little. She had seen people angry for far less than that.

“It's really no big deal, I was on my way home anyway.” The stranger says with a warm smile.

“Oh please, I just ruined your shirt, let me repay you in any way I can.” The spy replies, smiling a little bigger, feeling bad for what happened.

“Well, I live down the street, some help would be nice.” The woman said motioning to the grocery bags. Natasha immediately reached for two of the bags, grabbing them.

“Of course, I'll carry them to your place, it's the least I can do.”

The woman sends a warm smile towards Natasha, as they both start walking down the street. The stranger is the first to break the silence "So what's the name of the redhead who likes to spill coffee on strangers?" she says, making Natasha chuckle slightly, catching her off guard. She wasn't expecting the comment, neither the question. She assumed the woman would recognize her, but it felt strangely comforting knowing she didn’t. 

"The name is Natasha. What's the name of the stranger who carries grocery bags almost bigger than her.” The redhead replies with a small smirk, earning a small giggle from the stranger.

"I'm Y/N. My family is coming for lunch later, and I love to cook.” She replies with a smile. She loves her family the redhead thinks.

If they are as nice as her I understand why, she thinks to herself.

"What were you thinking that was so important you didn't see me?" She asks gently, making conversation. The redhead wonders if she should tell her.

"I was thinking about how much I don't deserve love." She spills, without thinking twice.

The woman beside her stops, turning towards the spy. She stares at her for a few seconds, looking deep in thoughts, squinting her eyes. And she starts to walk again, looking in front of her.

"Why would you think that?" She asks the assassin softly, not imagining all of the things the redhead had to do to survive. The redhead thinks, not wanting to reveal herself completely, and all the bad things she did.

"I did some bad things, in the past. I don't think someone who did what I did should be loved by anyone." The Russian spy replies, revealing her daily thoughts to the woman she just met.

The beautiful woman beside her keeps walking in silence, looking ahead of her.

"I think everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone should receive acts of love and kindness. Whether it's having someone by your side every day, or just receiving a smile in the street. Everyone deserves it at some point." The woman says after some time, surprising the redhead with the angelic words she just pronounced.

Before the Russian spy can think of anything to reply, the woman continues "We all do bad things, whether it is something terrible, or something just crappy. But there is always a context, it's not always directly your fault." The stranger finishes.

A context. There is always a context. Natasha was aware of it, she knew she wasn't acting on her own, but she still did those things. Even with a gun pointed at her head, she did those things. She could have said no, and die, instead of killing.

She killed to survive. Like everyone here, she was trying to survive, in her own way. 

She looks at the woman offering her a warm smile, as they stop in front of her house. She is however unable to return it, her mind completely frozen. The woman she met a few minutes ago grabs the grocery bags, after opening her front door, telling the redhead she will be back in a second. Natasha waits by the door, still thinking about what the other woman had said. How could someone think so purely? How can someone see beauty when there is none?

She's fascinating, the redhead thinks to herself. 

The H/C woman returns, a soft smile planted on her beautiful lips, as she holds a rose enveloped in a piece of paper.

“You’re a beautiful woman Natasha, I’m sure you already know. I don’t know what you did, but the fact you still think about it, shows you care. It shows it affects you.” The woman says as she looks the redhead in the eyes. “Whatever you did, you need to forgive yourself, because you deserve to be loved.” The woman finishes with a soft smile playing on her lips. She hands the rose to the spy, the piece of paper wrapped around it.

Natasha glances down at the beautiful flower in her hands, admiring it.

“A flower with thorns can become something splendid. And someone with a dark past can shine in the future.” The woman tells Natasha, smiling still. Natasha stares at her, mouth slightly open, not knowing what to say.

“You’re breathtaking.” The superhero says in a breath, completely overwhelmed at the thought of the woman she just met. The kind woman chuckles, her lips painted with a smile, again. “There’s my number on the paper, in case you need a reminder you deserve love.” She says, closing her front door as she says goodbye, leaving the redhead outside alone.

And for the first time in a long time, Natasha believes that maybe, maybe, she deserves love.