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[naoteami]

[naoteami]

tw: sh (or maybe not?) but don't read this if it might trigger you please. I just need to vent

basically I have nobody to share this with so here goes... I went to a psychiatrist for the first time today, my doctor sent me there... the lady asked me all these questions... do you smoke? no. do you take any meds? no. have you ever sh, have you c.t yourself? pause... I don't know how to respond. no, I've never c.t myself, I wanted to many times because it's supposed to bring some relief, right? but I hate blood and I've just never been able to actually do it... everytime I failed I got mad at myself for not being able to go through with it, I was desperate lol, so I took the dull part of the knife and hit my thighs until they were all red... shortly they were covered in bruises and for days I could barely walk... it happened multiple times. but I've never *c.t* myself and that was part of the question... so I said no. how could I ever explain this weirdass situation to a completely strange (and quite intimidating) woman? It feels stupid and embarrassing. I wasn't entirely honest about a few other of my responses because answering honestly just felt weird... I got some anxiety meds so we'll see how that goes. I'm kinda scared because I have no idea what to expect and I read that the meds are likely to cause some increase in ✨outro thoughs✨ (if you get what I mean because idk what words I can and cannot write on here) when you first start taking them

idk how I'm supposed to be an adult when I can't do anything, I hope the meds can create a normal, functioning human being out of me because I'm so done

[naoteami]

exactly :')

She needs academic validation but she's not working for it. She's me.

[naoteami]

day two⭐2.3. 2024⭐

calories consumed: around 2000

calories burned: 1100 (33 000 steps)

[naoteami]

day one⭐1.3. 2024⭐

calories consumed: around 600

calories burned: 660 (21 000 steps)

starting weight: just a little under 60 kg

[naoteami]

I binged on the amount of calories many people here eat in a week, I feel so sick and miserable

[naoteami]

binging periods are crazy

[naoteami]

how do you want to feel this summer?

fit or jealous?

[naoteami]

no one understands how badly i want a flat chest

[naoteami]

goals

[naoteami]

I love tea

[naoteami]

I want to be ACTIVE on here, to chat with people all the time, to support them and to keep myself accountable, to post all these little updates... I want to be skinny. I need it.

[naoteami]

I've been stuck in a huge binging period. Today I weighed myself after some time and the scale said 60 kg. I honestly believe it was for me to finally wake up because I've never been this heavy in my life and it said exactly 60 kg... I've always said I never want to reach the 60's and here I am. I feel so sluggish and lazy. What am I doing to my body?

[naoteami]

beautiful

[naoteami]

I'm so glad to be back after feeling a little overwhelmed by this app for quite a long time, it's time to get serious, this place is a great motivator... good luck to you all ⭐

[naoteami]

my friend's account (@dizzyafterlife) has been deactivated since November 2023 and I don't have any other way of contacting her so I'm trying to find her again here hoping she'll see this post from another account✨:(

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this is a photo of hers: an early stage of making a blanket for her aunt!! if this is your photo, please please reach out to me, I miss you so much!!:(((

I'm sorry if you find this post annoying I just hope we can reconnect some day

[naoteami]

I feel like my 'love handles' aka the disgusting fat thingies on my sides are getting smaller and I'm so ready for them to be gone😌 I hope they'll vanish entirely asap