nibelkestrel

[nibelkestrel]

Oh... I’m sixteen today!

I could technically drink now if I were in Nibelheim.

...but I’m not and Midgar has stricter rules so.

[nibelkestrel]

I know I haven’t said a lot lately, but that’s because I really haven’t had a lot to say. It’s just been work and feeling exhausted.

I was entrusted with one of Shinra’s guard dogs, though! She’s a gorgeous white with a grey mottling and bright blue eyes. I named her Brynja. I don’t think Shinra really means for them to be kept like pets, and... well. She’s not, she’ll still be going on patrol with me.

She’s sweet with me.

[nibelkestrel]

I have a extremely important news about kestrels

[nibelkestrel]

I don’t want to be on duty. I want to go somewhere private and. I don’t know. I just feel like shit.

Don’t know what I’m doing complaining when I know I’ll just be asked why don’t I just quit the military. And it’s not like I can just say that it doesn’t work that way.

[nibelkestrel]

@carpentersdelite said: I know why and I can’t explain it outside of ‘average 15 yr old boys think booze is cool.’ It’s actually lame af.

Oh. Clearly they don’t grow up in areas where there’s a pretty soft age limit for drinking.

I’ve tried a few times when I was younger, and it. I dunno. It really isn’t that great.

It’s weird seeing the other people in the infantry who are legally old enough to drink get excited about it and shit because it’s almost always easy to tell that oh, you didn’t try a few times as a kid, did you.

Then again, I kinda understand being old enough to finally drink, smoke, and die.

...

Um, sorry! Didn’t mean to get so serious.

[nibelkestrel]

Though now I’m wondering what’s so specific about that.

[nibelkestrel]

*15 years old boy voice* alcohol

[nibelkestrel]

I love patrolling when I feel extremely jittery and shaky.

I almost wish I was being someone’s footstool for the day. At least then I could be still with my stupid fucking heart palpitations.

I mean... it’s not preventing me from doing my job. It’s just... extremely distracting.

It’s not a blood sugar thing, I just... can’t sleep. Or something.

[nibelkestrel]

cloudywolfgearhead​:

If things go for you the way they did for me, you’re part of what kills her. Also Heidegger. And Hojo. Repeatedly Hojo. It’s frustrating, honestly. Honestly it was a little satisfying to be that amount of a pain in the ass for them. Even if most of the time it felt like we were scrambling to keep up and barely scraping through things.

Speaking of, if Heidegger is getting yelled at, make yourself scarce. I’m pretty sure that goes without saying, but there’s no positive outcome to hanging out around then. Best case scenario you get punched and yelled at while he vents. Worst I dealt with is the same as the worst I dealt with where Scarlet’s concerned, which is to say reduced rations and a trip to the med ward.

Well, it’s... something to look forward to, I guess.

Still doesn’t change the fact that I hurt and this is probably going to be what I continue to deal with in the near future.

I know. I’ve worked under him for almost a year now. It doesn’t really matter if I stay scarce, he could still be angry about it hours later, or even if he’s not, you know he has both high and absurd standards.

You ever not laugh at the same time he does? He beats the shit out of you for it.

Just... I know what Heidegger is like. I’ve been stationed back in Midgar since the whole thing with AVALANCHE. I get to see a lot of him now, unfortunately.

I almost like Scarlet better just because she doesn’t want me to say a word. I can just zone out and everything’s over eventually while I barely have to pay attention. Getting kicked with stiletto heels isn’t ideal, but it’s better than having to predict what Heidegger wants from me.

[nibelkestrel]

Gods, I hate Scarlet.

Guess who wanted me to be her personal footstool today and had me crawl on all fours after her.

My back is killing me.

[nibelkestrel]

I think I’m the verge of a migraine.

At least I’m off work so I can... I dunno. Take some painkillers.

[nibelkestrel]

dimplepinchneat​:

That’s… I mean, it’s horrific. Being a school teacher can be hard sometimes, surely, but it’s nothing like… Well, you know. Witnessing death,. Nothing compares to that. Especially so young. I hope something changes for you.

To uh… answer your question though, I teach chemistry. I’m a chemist first, teacher second, at least, it’s the thing I like to tell myself.

I... yeah. Thank you. Me too. I’m hoping to get into the SOLDIER program - being enhanced with mako, uh, spirit energy, which also ends up being a bit of a genetic thing, be a supersoldier - but that means I have keep going above and beyond with things consistently. Hopefully it’ll be enough.

Oh! Chemistry’s neat! I’m... not good at it. My mom makes potions and medicines and was basically the village healer, and I know a little bit from her, and I really wanted to learn about chemistry, but. It just kind of... didn’t work out?

I was always slow with it because I’d want to make sure all the measurements were right and do the weighing like I was supposed to and by the time the lab was supposed to be done I’d maybe be halfway through it, so.

Tried to focus on other things instead before I dropped out.

But I can still make some pretty good potions and ethers! It’s just that the plants and reagents and everything I need for it are scarce and expensive, so it’s just... cheaper to buy the mass produced stuff, even if it’s not as good. I mean, it works fine, it’s just usually not as potent.

[nibelkestrel]

stardriift​:

@nibelkestrel

Correct, I do, SOLDIER Soldier.

I’m not in SOLDIER, I’m just in the basic infantry.

But you’re welcome.

[nibelkestrel]

Send “☕️” + a TOPIC and my muse will spill their honest thoughts and opinions on it

[nibelkestrel]

Crashwing had posted their identification photo and said it was customary. This is mine. I figured it was only acceptable.

[nibelkestrel]

I forgot it was Saturday and showed up to train at 6. I didn't figure out it was Saturday until like. Two hours ago.

At least I got it in?

[nibelkestrel]

dimplepinchneat​:

Ah, well I certainly hope he keeps it. Maybe that’s selfish— it’s my own name. It’s up to him in the end.

So you’re… 15? And in the army? I’m sorry to hear that, I think. You make it sound so normal.

I’m a school teacher. I teach kids all day long, just a bit older than you. I’d never suggest any of them be sent out to war, god no…

Oh... yeah, I understand. I’m sorry.

Yeah. It’s... normal here? The people in my old squad, before they died, they were around my age. ...I’m forgetting where I’m going with this.

We aren’t technically at war, but things aren’t... peaceful, either. I’ve mostly been on patrolling duty and pest extermination duty, though, which I don’t mind.

...it seems like it’s hard to be a school teacher. I mean. I might be biased, I didn’t get along with many other kids, they’re always really loud. What do you teach? It looks like science? I was... okay with it, so long as I didn’t have to do much with numbers.