nitrodame

[nitrodame]

𝔸𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥 (ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟜)

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐤𝐢, 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐣𝐨𝐛.

A/N: Sorry guys! I ended up forgetting that I existed for a while and the passage of time actually happens! But it's okay, I've reentered consciousness and am ready to update this fic more normally, that's what I'm hoping for anyway! Sorry this chapter is so short but now the slow burn has finally begun! Thanks for sticking with me, love you guys <3

AO3

I / II / III / Chapter 4

You've never thought of yourself as a hysterical person. 

There were few instances you'd momentarily lost your composure over the course of your life. Times you had, perhaps, gotten a bit too agitated or dared to speak out of line, nothing overtly overzealous however. Refined was your imperial image and proper your demure voice, all marks of a "well trained" woman. Of an acceptable queen. Yes, nothing, no matter how earth shattering the revelations or horribly tragic the whispers, you'd never let your emotion stand beneath the limelight.

Even as your hands shook subtly underneath your pulsing uncertainty, you still believed that in earnest.

It was only now, after a brief breakfast and Eri's tear filled final departure, that the true choking heft of Amajiki's declaration bore mercilessly down upon your splitting back. 

Just how were you supposed to respond to such news? Should you behave like a loving wife and be elated at the return of your husband? A faithful subordinate who's been informed that their superior has returned to command? Or perhaps annoyed that a prison mate you barely know has invaded your cell? 

You had no such answer and as you casted a hesitant glance to the root cause of your turmoil, it was clear he'd offer no solution either. Tamaki's face just as afflicted as yours, his stormy dark eyes darting between the palace's many, ornate tapestries that decorated the serene dawn lit marble hallways, that you both currently roamed together without so much as a whisper. 

You wanted to grip the rim of his collar and beg him to tell you how to behave, plead with him to alleviate the burden starting to lacerate the delicate white matter of your mind. Anything, anything but what he was doing now…which was desperately trying to avoid your shifting stare.

Though you had tried to make simple conversation numerous times, it was for naught. Words and topics you'd carefully chosen, that might enlighten you to his favored disposition, had fallen to the wayside along with his short, wobbly replies. None of which illuminated your current shadow cast inquiry. Yet, despite his lack of engagement, it seemed he fully insisted on accompanying you down the winding corridor. For what reason, you weren't sure and you didn't think you'd figure it out either. Things would be much less confusing if you could read those steeled, murky indigo irises. Honestly, scripture written in ancient markings was far more friendly to decipher than him. 

"H-how are you feeling?” It was a simple question that came suddenly. One that caught you completely off guard.

“Good?” You answered with almost a knee-jerk, panicked reaction, that wasn’t becoming of you. you couldn’t help but cringe at the question teeming within your hurried response. 

One that Amajiki definitely noticed.

“Are you sure?” That was not a question, more so an opportunity he was hesitantly trying to bestow upon you. 

Tamaki was never exceptional at being discreet with his anxious tendencies nor talented with his child's play at unwavering confidence, both of which he was trying to display as he waited for you to speak. You couldn’t ignore the way he held you in his stare, a hopeful glint coloring his otherwise ink pooled irises. It was strange, you could almost swear he was asking you to confide, wanting you to speak your troubles freely and without hindrance. 

But why? You couldn’t even fathom the curve of an illusion that dared answer such a question. 

And just what did he expect you to tell him?

That you felt as if nothing more than a forgotten toy that gathered dust in his cobwebbed childhood chest? That the insatiable loneliness, you were anchored too by custom sorrow crafted gauntlets, forced an ugly emotion to grow inside your caving chest every time you heard his voice? That you wailed in the company of no one but the listless sea and her accompanying melancholy moonbeams about how your dreams, your hope, your freedom was pried away before you ever had a chance to touch it? 

Or did he want you to tell him that you blamed him for it all?

"Why does it interest you, my Lord?" You asked, words bristling with transparent hostility that stirred against a genuine curiosity.

“Oh, it-it’s just…you seemed so…upset after Eri and Mirio departed-” Tamaki explained timidly, wearing an distressed look as if he was a guilt ridden child being harshly scolded. “I-I wanted to make sure you..were okay.”

You paused, quietly studying his ever shrinking form. Were you okay? Was he really asking you that?

“Of course I am, please don’t worry yourself.” You assured with false credence, an empty smile on your lips. 

The way Tamaki just…stared at you after your mockery of a smile faded made your skin ripple with an alien unease. It was a long and potent somber contemplation that didn’t shy away even under the stern warning of your soft glare.You couldn’t help the way you cowered under his eyes, a vulnerability you didn’t like fashioned its threaded twine around your neck as his familiar pain hung you. You could hear his disheartened stare concede to your deception. Though it was Amajiki that shook, even now in your presence, you were the one who receded into dread. 

You lied to him and he knew you did. 

A deep sigh fell from his lips as he tore away his crestfallen gaze, accepting your lie with an equally forced smile. 

“I understand...”

Don’t say it like that. 

“I'm glad you're alright…”

Stop it.

Why was he acting as if neither of you had lied since the very first time you both beheld each other within intertwined webs that carried the same wretched fate? Lies are what held the other’s hands steady in matrimony, lies were what spurred his lips to press against yours with tongues filled with meaningless vows. Lies were the only reason you both could live with what has been taken away. 

“I suppose then-” He started. 

Amajiki had done the exact same sin to you just a night ago and he dared now to make the uncharted chasm within the delicate lattice of your framework falter with a kindred sadness you didn’t ask for. It provoked you as it begged to be mended, the same way your sadness begged for and was always denied. How cruel, forcing you to kneel in front of the mirror of despair and expect you not to glimpse your own reflection. How could you turn away? How could your hands replicate the cracks he made you bear? How could you ignore your own suffering in different eyes? It wasn't fair. He wasn’t being fair.

Your fingers hastily pulled at the hemmed cusp of his sleeve, your meager hold stopping his retreat before it ever began. 

“The garden,” You spoke with a foreign tone, one that you didn’t believe was your own. “The flowers are…in bloom.”

You swallowed hard as you could feel his stunned gaze upon your shoulders, a breath not shared between you as the air seemed to thin. 

“If you could spare the time, I can show them to you.” You concluded quietly, not daring to let go.

✦✧✦✧

“Lonicera Caerulea or Blue Honeysuckle are quite a wonderful type of edible flora.” You informed as your fingers traversed the soft skin of the oblong, blue fruit that gathered in small clusters along the flowers' many branches.  “This one plant has so many uses.”

“They’re very fragrant.” Tamaki murmured with clear interest, studying the strange shape of the fruit with childlike wonder. “Can you really eat them?”

“Yes but these aren’t ripe yet. They’re still blue.” Gently, you pulled off a small berry before breaking in it half, revealing its green insides. “When the berries become fully ripe they turn a beautiful almost blackened purple and the insides are no longer green. It can take a while though.”

“I didn’t know such a plant was native here.” Tamaki said surprised, he’d never seen the plant’s dusky blue fruits or their long, pointed leaves within the reaches of his kingdom.

“They’re not.” You sighed wistfully as you handed the fruit to Tamaki, who hesitantly took it in his palm. You turned your attention back to the blooming plant as you reached for its hanging leaves. “They were a parting gift. They belong in a land far away from here…or so I’ve been told.”

“I see…” he whispered, silently watching the way you tenderly caressed the honeysuckle’s leaves, it seemed as if their unique feel climbed up your fingertips like vines grown from a forlorn but cherished remembrance.

Tamaki looked at the fruit resting within his palm, he didn’t know anything about this plant or the unripe blue berries that mimicked a moonlight night’s obstinate hue. He didn’t know anything about you or the midnight shadow that casted a dark glow over your existence. You were as your beloved flower, foreign and shaded…

You stood stunned as Amajiki, despite your warning, ate a piece of the unripe fruit. He coughed as the bitterness of the berry exploded onto his tongue, his face scrunching up with distaste as he swallowed quickly. 

“I told you they weren’t ripe. They won't taste good.” You admonished lightly, confusion lacing your voice.

“I know.” He mumbled before putting the other half of the berry into his mouth, the same sour expression dawning upon his features.

“Why are you eating it then?” you asked, completely stupefied by Amajiki’s actions.

“I don’t mind if they're bitter.” he rasped, wiping away the tart juice that lingered on his lips. “I just wanted to know something about it, even if it’s just what the unripe berries taste like.”

You stared at him, mystified by his simple reasoning. He’d assault his taste buds just so he could know more about the plant? Was he really that determined to learn? 

 A full body shiver ran down his shoulders in a way that conjured a picture of a trembling kitten and you couldn’t help yourself-

You giggled at his eccentricity.

Tamaki’s eyes widened at the resonant sound that entered his elven ears, his face blooming with rose as you hurried to cover your mouth, trying futilely to suppress the fantastical, rare music that your chest never composed for anyone but Eri. It was but a modest, single note, not the grand orchestra crafted for the little girl but it boisterously echoed just the same. Most remarkable of all? It was he who made the violin’s strings play. He did. No one else. 

And it was the most exquisite scale he’s ever heard.

“If you wanted to know more, I could've just told you. I tend to this plant myself so I know quite a bit about it.” You hummed after your tone became more tranquil. You didn’t seem to notice the enthralled lull you pulled the man at your side into with your saccharine music. 

“O-oh r-right…” Amajiki whispered after a beat, remembering he needed to respond even if his breath had been stolen. However, when you told him you cared for the flower on your own, an emboldened pluck of courage found its way into his lungs. “U-um if you wouldn’t m-mind…I’d like to, um…to..”

“Would you like to help me with it sometime?” As his confident nerve seemed to wane, you took his question as your own, alleviating him of his internal pressure.

“I-I’d like that.” Tamaki smiled gratefully, accepting your invitation with an unparalleled happiness. 

“Now over here are the roses…”

You really were so kind to him.

✦✧✦✧

You sat alone, gaze transfixed on the garden that looked quite minuscule from your elevated spot on the window seat. You found yourself returning to the untouched study that lied far from all else, isolated from the scuttle of maids and butlers that weren’t your own or the chattering of advisers who never knew your name. Away from them and away from him. You could think here, you could reflect here. You didn’t have to pretend within the walls of this haven.

Your knees hugged to your chest, your features scowling as you reminisced about the morning. Your brief interaction left an unpalatable taste on your tongue, it poured forth from a well of anxiety you didn't fully know the source of. Why did you finish his question? Why not let it die as so many of his words were destined to do? You knew he wouldn’t accompany you, let alone tend to your plant on his own. Amajiki couldn’t be bothered amidst his royal obligations and mundane meetings, so why on earth did he even bother to ask? And why, of all things, did you for even a moment find him…endearing? 

That wasn’t you. You didn’t feel that. He didn’t make you feel that. It was a misplaced fondness, you missed Eri badly and Tamaki, for a second, resembled a small characteristic of her. That’s all it was, all it ever would be. 

You had rather an enlightened understanding of emotions, despite your own dwindling stock of them, you could identify them in those around you quite well. You could discern from even the slightest shift in vocal tone, a sudden but disappearing quirked brow, or the immeasurable changing sway of the way a person stood idly, all of it spoke to you as if a squall. A long suffrage of detached observation gifted you with such a skill, perhaps it was life's attempt at a consolation prize, a little reward for putting up with a never-ending flow of dreary days. You were quick to notice and even quicker to appeal…you needed that talent right now, more than anything. But as much as you wished for it, the level of understanding you gifted to others was something you could never give to yourself. 

And it was killing you.

Your knuckles whitened as they gathered up corners of your dress, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as did what you could to quell the stirring inside your heart.

You didn’t want him here. You didn’t want to be around him, you couldn’t. Just like you couldn’t handle this towering swell of displaced emotion, you wanted it to go away. You wanted everything to go away.

Your hazy eyes caught on the corner of the old desk, the small box lonesome in the same spot it sat on your birthday, unopened, unwanted. It was mocking you, for not understanding him, for not understanding yourself. Laughing at you, the same way Amajiki was surely doing when you parted from him. You glared angrily at it, perhaps hoping the hellfire of your stare would cause it to melt away. It dared to remain despite your burning protest, timid and insistent in its unmoving presence.

You stood with a start, grabbing the black box off the desk with unnecessary force. You pulled your arm back, preparing to launch it at the innocent bookshelf that unfortunately found itself in the path of your blazing fire. The soft velvet gracing against your skin forced you to pause; You lowered your arm when you felt it, your thumb dragging across its fuzzy fabric. 

What were you doing? 

You covered your weary eyes with a shaking hand as you held the black velvet box tightly in your palm. Carefully, you placed it back down on the desk's surface, resting it on the same spot it had been as you sighed deeply.

You really were losing your mind, weren't you?

[nitrodame]

"Rough sea" by Giovanni Allievi

[nitrodame]

[nitrodame]

How beautiful 💜

♡ 赤羽根海岸の朝日と波の音 ♡

[nitrodame]

I have been following your story since chapter two came out and I am absolutely IN LOVE with it. It’s got everything I need, medival au and a slow burn. I get a huge rush of dopamine whenever I see you updated the story :)) keep doing gods work by love youu <33 -🍡

Sorry it took me so long to answer, I've been so caught up with college and work I haven't much free time ಥ‿ಥ I'm so so so happy you love Ascent!!! It makes my heart flutter every time these precious messages appear, it keeps me so inspired!! Thank you for taking the time to send this ♡♡♡

I do have finish a couple essays so it might be a little bit but I am writing chapter 4 as we speak! I hope to update soon! I love you guys so much, you give my life meaning!

Loove ya babe~

[nitrodame]

hi there! I recently stumbled upon your tamaki fic Ascent and i really really love the concept!!! i think its super interesting and that its written really well! Thanks for giving tamaki some love 💕 looking forward to the story! Take care!

Hello darling, thank you so much! I feel like crying tears of joy every time I get a special message like this, it makes my whole month! I'm so happy you are like Ascent so far, if my story can make one person happy then it's worth it! As for Tamaki, I can't wait to write more for him, he's such a doll!

If anyone has any specifics story requests for him or any other bnha characters please let me know!

That being said, thank you for such a kind message, I hope you have a lovely day ♥♥♥

[nitrodame]

Ascent is such an interesting concept and I love that it stars Tamaki. I can’t wait to keep on reading it. I am excited to see what happens next.

I'm so so overjoyed to hear that Ascent has caught your interest and that you are enjoying it so far, it means so much! I personally love writing for him (and this specific trope) and I look forward to writing more for him in the future too! Thank you for taking the time to let me know you like this story!! I hope you have a wonderful day! ♥♥♥

[nitrodame]

𝔸𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥 (ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟛)

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐤𝐢, 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐣𝐨𝐛.

A/N: More Tamaki content this chapter! Sorry chapter 2 was kinda short so I hope this makes up for it love yall ♡ ♡ ♡

A/N 2: I just wanna thank everyone who likes, comments or reblogs Ascent. It's so encouraging and it's makes me so happy to know you guys like this story!! There's much more to come, and again love y'all and I hope you are having a wonderful day~

AO3

I / II / Chapter 3 / IIII

"Did you have a good birthday party Y\N?" Eri inquired as she swung her small dangling legs, kicking limply at the pristine water's lively lapping edge.

"The best!" You exclaimed, eyes closed in deep serenity as the salty, cold breeze of the sea nipped at the tip of your reddened nose, "-Though I must admit, seeing you was the peak of my evening. You were so pretty, my precious girl."

"You looked really pretty too, big sis." Eri sighed, laying her head against the bare of your warm shoulder. Her endearing grin grew larger as she stared out at the rolling plethora of cerulean waves with astonishment, playing with the wide skirt of your baby blue satin dress as she did so.

"But?" You prodded playfully, peaking at the girl beside you with a knowing smile as you stirred up the cold water around your feet. "It was the dress, wasn't it?"

"... It was really ugly..." She finally confessed after a second with a wince, starting to mimic your languid motions as she continued. “...But you looked really good in it.”

Eri thought you were so gorgeous.

The true manifestation of beauty and love in human form. The essence of the wild ocean. A beacon of shining light that could never be dimmed- even by the ugliest attire, and that dress did it’s best to defame your spotless image, as it was absolutely GHASTLY. The clashing, near neon purple, cream and yellow fabric mixed with garish, large gems and intricate, heavy lace made for a monstrosity of a dress…but even then, it did nothing to dampen your dazzling, warm spirit and Eri found herself starting to think it almost…pretty.

You made it pretty.

You made everything pretty.

“You are too sweet, you know that?” You chuckled as you pinched the girl's pinked cheek lightly, Eri only giggling in soft protest.

“It’s true!” She happily persisted after catching her breath, ”Even if it swallowed you!”

"Swallowed me whole it did, and that horrible thing was so, so itchy too!" You groaned, shuddering as you relived the scratching drag of that miserable garment. The urge to rack your blunt nails against your arms becoming nearly unbearable. "I'd rather get fleas again!"

"Again!?" Eri balked incredulously, her eyes widening with disbelief as you inched closer with a mischievous glint in your keen eyes.

"Come to think of it, I must still have them!" You declared proudly, swiftly pulling the girl into your waiting lap.

Her loud, jovial squeals filled your ears as you mercilessly rubbed your cheek against hers, both of you cackling as fake horror crossed the young girl's face when you squeezed her closer. The old dock bouncing in the water as if playing along with you both, the inanimate structure seemingly overjoyed at the presence of merriment.

"It's either the fleas or the dress, little lassie!"

✦✧✦✧

"They have the best time when they're together. It's like we're not even here." Mirio lamented in resignation as he and Tamaki watched from the white, sandy shoreline of the beach’s hidden alcove. "Makes me a little envious."

"Eri can make anyone smile," Tamaki remarked, admiring the midday sun’s clear empyrean gleam that laved the harmonious tides with molten gold. "It's her gift."

"Indeed it is." The blond agreed readily, turning his attention away from the happy clamor that fought against the sound of the rushing ocean to his best friend, whom he observed quietly. "A gift not more cherished than by Y/N."

Tamaki felt the ghost of a smile touch his lips as the raw melody of laughter floated on the enthusiastic thrums of the wind. That special song had been missing from his prevailing reality, harsh nights filled with nothing but mind-numbing silence made him forget its true sweetness. He could stare at you two for eternity, the comfort and solace your souls found together was felt by those far from the orbit of the extraordinary world you built.

It was bittersweet, he supposed, a glimpse of what could be.

"I should've been able to bring you home sooner," Tamaki murmured apologetically, his sunny manner beginning to ebb away as he spoke. “For vastly longer too.

"Don't blame yourself for things you can’t control." Mirio admonished tenderly, slinging a strong, consoling arm around the timid man's slumped shoulders. "We're here now aren't we? And I’m sure your great news will lessen such a prolonged soreness…"

Tamaki only nodded in an attempted half-hearted response, words lost on his heavy tongue, distracted by your carefree form that was haloed by the glassy sea’s heavens, Eri on your lap with an angelic grin.

What a lovely picture…

"Besides, Eri wouldn't have seen the snow if we returned earlier." Mirio offered, "You know it's her favorite thing now..."

✦✧✦✧

"Snow?"

"Yea! It's really cold and you can eat it!" Eri gushed, her small hands patting at the brisk sea air as if trying to create a circular shape. "You can make things with it too!"

"What kind of things?" You whispered against the crown of her silvery head, marveling at the idea of such strange weather, your mind's eye scampering to create a vivid picture that matched the little girl's enamored description.

"Anything! You can make anything! Me, Mirio, and big brother Tamaki got to make a snowman!" She beamed. "It was so much fun!"

You couldn't help the way your body tensed at Amajiki’s name, growing rigid against the relaxed girl in your lap as your flesh casually betrayed you. You swallowed thickly as you forced your limbs to loosen. Trying your best to appear calm as Eri continued on, though her words began to drown in the unruly tide inside the blistering swells of your psyche.

You had never seen snow...

All you knew was the eternal green fields of your husband’s summer Kingdom.

You lived here since you were a young girl when different corners of the world seemed within your microscopic grasp. You used to believe the stars would be your guiding map and the seas your escape, you would spend your life uncovering each stone and leaf, your days forever filled with love and grand adventures.

How silly you were.

You have since learned that the world, yours at least, offered nothing of the sort.

It was only now that you had even heard of snow.

This minimal knowledge was a far cry from the daydreams of that starry-eyed girl you’d forsaken long ago. You found yourself wondering what else you never heard of, what else you never seen? What encounters were ripped from you by the malevolent marble columns of your ever-shrinking enclosure?

Something strange began bubbling forth deep within the cavity of your tightening chest as you imagined it.

HE got to witness the world in all its majestic splendor with Eri by his side, creating memories that could only be painted in the expansive scape of your barren dreams. HE could traverse the pastures of life’s finest wonders at his leisure while you sat, chained and losing yourself to the barbaric passage of time. He’d gotten everything you ever wanted, everything you ever dreamed for, everything you ever prayed for…yet, he wouldn’t regale you with even one story.

A part of you hated him for that…

"Big sis...?" Eri's meek voice shot a flare through your tempest, ceasing your thundering reflections in an instant.

"Ah, sorry Eri! I was just thinking!" You spoke quickly, scared that if you slowed the acidic venom in your cheeks would dribble down your throat. "Maybe next time we can build a snowman together!"

"What a lovely idea!" A boisterous yell called from behind you, you needn't guess who it belongs to. You tugged Eri deeper into your cradling frame instinctively, eyes narrowing as you turned, holding the two approaching men in wary eyesight.

Mirio chuckled as Tamaki shrunk back beneath the osmium weight of your glare, he found no fault in his best friend, nearing you when with Eri was as if advancing towards a poised lioness, goreing teeth awaited those who sought to take her cub. It was terrifying for those who didn't partake in dodging your furious swipes regularly as Mirio did. Yet despite your obvious warning, the blond man remained undeterred, mostly due to the fact he knew you didn't truly mean any ill will. If you had, he'd have been a dead man by now.

"Have you ever seen snow Y/N?" Mirio implored with a cheesy grin, one that was synonymous with a hidden agenda.

"I can't say I have. Eri has been kindly enlightening me, however." The little girl nodded cheerfully, causing your expression to soften with fondness as your increasing skepticism blurred away. "It sounds beautiful."

"It is." Tamaki dared, trembling as your pointed gaze settled on him. "Beautiful, I mean..."

“I suppose you would know Amajiki, with your many amazing travels you’ve must’ve seen so much. Such a shame, if only I could be with you to witness these great things.” You quipped with a sweet smile, one that didn’t reach your darkened eyes. “You must allow me along one of these times.”

“Yes! Oh, it’d be so wonderful to have big sister with us!” Eri shouted in excitement, completely oblivious to the delicate poison seeping into the ocean’s clean air. “We could do so many fun things together!”

“It's something we will definitely discuss in the future, right Tamaki?”

No, they wouldn’t.

“Yes, of course.”

Liars. The both of them.

“Don’t worry sweetheart, we’ll run away together and build as many snowmen as you want!” You hummed, pressing a sincere kiss against her forehead. The little girl beamed at the exhilarating thought, too giddy to notice the hidden ring of truth in your promise, the men, however, did take note.

“What about us? Tamaki and I would be lost without our lovely ladies!” Mirio sighed dramatically, gripping his chest in a grandiose display of sorrow. “Oh, our hearts couldn’t bear such a thing.”

“Fine, we’ll let you boys tag along.” Eri huffed, crossing her arms in defeat. An adorable pout on her features as she tried to appear disgruntled, you admired her darling efforts.

Well played, King of the East.

“Did you boys come to join us?” You asked, your attention recaptured by the child in your lap. You twirled silver strands of her silky hair between your fingers, coaxing her to lay back as you smoothed out small tangles.

“Not quite.” Togata admitted with a soft exhale.

You knew what the man wanted.

Eri did too.

"Do we have to leave now?" Eri protested as she slowly removed herself from your lap, the intense compulsion to pull her back tempted you like a deceitful serpent, but you stilled your aching hands. "The sun hasn't even set."

"We leave at dawn and you have many new gowns to pack." Mirio insisted, resting a gentle yet firm hand on the girl's shoulder. She paused for a moment before relenting, turning towards you with a repentant stare.

"It's okay darling, Mirio's right. I'll see you at supper." You sighed, exhaustion already starting to gnaw at your nerves, you'd be remiss to show that to your little angel.

“It’ll be a bit but I assure Y/N, we will arrive promptly for supper!” The blond vowed valiantly, a hand over his heart causing a small, cheeky smile to blossom onto your lips.

Such an odd, silly man was the King of the east.

However, no matter how playful…there was a small catch that beguiled such demeanor, at least, this time.

“In our absence, Tamaki will instead be your storyteller in place of Eri, for who else could tell our Queen of the wonders of winter?”

Ah, there it was. Mirio, you unscrupulous cad.

“That would be delightful.” You agreed.

With a brief goodbye and loving hug for Eri, you watched silently as they disappeared past the towering, layered rocks of the hidden cove, not able to tear your gaze from the distant, cloudy horizon even as their forms became nothing but a whisper of shadowy haze. The summer air felt deserted around you, the rush of the waves became muted in your fading senses. Your eyes suddenly felt dense and your body felt as if bruised by the forbearing touch of the troubled wind.

"I'm sure there are duties in need of your direction my lord, you needn't bore yourself with entertaining me." You muttered, not bothering to disguise the lifeless echo of your empty tone. All the previous bite from your words, along with your anger dissipating into faceless vapor in the absence of your purpose.

"It’s…It's not a bore." He tried to reassure you as he neared your spot tentatively, though your back was to him, he could foresee the expression that dawned on your bleak face, it was one that never really changed. The same deadpanned, dreary stare that the world, outside of Eri, defined you with.

A distant, dead gaze that never faded.

“No need to be kind my King, I know I’m not good conversation.” You acknowledged softly, hugging your arms within yourself as a familiar chill fell over you even in the heat of the summertide. Unseen frozen jabs winded into your ligaments, your bones feeling as if cast from solid ice… indeed, again, the hollow sound of your own voice was the culprit.

“Neither am I...”

A light pressure fell upon your shoulders, a crisp scent of fresh rain with the lingering musk of earth wrapped around you graciously, the soft wisps of dark fur soothing your frigid skin as it was draped over you ever so carefully. You remained silent as he did so, unmoving until he stepped away. Almost instinctively, you found yourself gripping the frayed edges of Tamaki’s mighty cape almost desperately…though you were unsure why.

“Thank you…” You whispered sincerely.

Tamaki only nodded dutifully, looking out into the same horizon you had been watching moments ago. He stood next to you, motionless, a listless, lost look cast as he tried desperately to cobble together an adequate conversation starter, or that’s what you guessed he was doing judging by the image in the corner of your eye. You gave him a moment to compose his words on his own but instead he began to flounder under the anticipative atmosphere.

Heavens above, help you.

“Did you sleep well?” You began first, polite and inviting.

“Y-Yes…” He responded after a moment, tense as he spoke. “And you?”

“Quite well, so I must thank you for lending me the key to your study. ” You pulled his cape tighter to your body. “I found your settee very comfortable…I can return the key whenever you’d like.”

“It’s okay…” Amajiki assured. “If you’d like to keep it I wouldn’t mind…”

“That’s very generous…” You were indeed very grateful for such an offer but you wouldn’t be taking him up on it anytime soon.

He gave you a brief, light smile which you hesitantly returned. When you found his expression becoming conflicted, again, with anxious pondering, you began your trek back towards the swaying dock hoping that your decreased occupancy in his surroundings would inspire his tongue to be more confident. To your credit, your withdrawal caught Tamaki’s attention instantly and he did speak, though a bit panicked, as he followed obediently behind you.

"...I apologize, I never wished you a happy birthday last night." He mentioned, remorse buried in his unsure voice as he slowed to a stop, pausing where the sea surged against the waterlogged pine boards, not entirely trusting the fading strength of the jetty.

"Oh, don't worry about that, it’s not important anyway..." You responded truthfully, your bare feet meeting the decaying wood that made up the aged pier with confident familiarity. Not at all deterred by the small, saltwater pools scattered across it’s planks.

You sat where you had before, uncovered legs hanging just off the dock’s edge. You took great precaution to not allow Tamaki’s cloak to become wet with ocean spray, gathering the excess in your lap protectively as you shifted aside, the spot beside you becoming vacant. Tamaki needn’t hypothesize the meaning of your actions, the expectation distilled within your invitation was not wasted on him, yet his feet refused to listen to your call. Anchors in the soles of his boots as you awaited him, growing more discouraged as seconds passed.

Perhaps, this was too bold a request for you to make.

"The water isn’t that cold today." You remarked, trying to quell his obvious notion of the dock giving way, with assurance that even if it did, the waves would be quite welcoming. A last attempt to sway him.

Much to your surprise, it seemed as if your resolute faith in the pier was enough to spur the man on as he started in your direction, taking slow, awkward steps doing what he could to dodge the many puddles until he stopped beside you. His movements somewhat perplexing and strained as he knelt down, trying his best to maneuver into a sitting position with you so close. You held your breath before he eventually squished himself into an acceptable albeit stiff position with your sides pressed together.

Well, this was going to be awkward, you could feel it already.

"You,uh, you looked v-very nice last night..." Tamaki stuttered, still working up the courage to continue your interaction.

"Thank you, you did as well." The layer of cloth between your bodies did little to soothe, you kneaded at it’s soft fibers nervously as a gust of wind passed by. You felt the subtle flinch of Tamaki’s shoulders as an escaped edge of the cape tumbled into his open lap, startling him thoroughly.

You didn't really understand why Tamaki was so aware of your presence. You knew Amajiki was a very anxious person, someone who found any kind of social interaction the bane of his existence...but you'd hoped that his apprehension towards you would lessen over time. It had been a year after all...granted he had spent more than half that year away or preoccupied with royal obligations. Maybe the notion that he would ever be comfortable around you was too optimistic.

This was probably the closest Tamaki had ever been to you… the intimate nature of this position didn’t escape you, nor apparently your husband, if the rising flush on his elven ears was anything to go by. You could see, from your closeness, the deep tint of exhausted mauve that rested under his reddened waterline, the tremble of his lightly chapped lips each time he felt you draw a breath and the minor sway of his large, weathered hands as he fidgeted in obvious discomfort. Though he was right beside you, his warmth and scent melded with the wind…you’ve never felt more alone.

This closeness, his manner, his presence, all of it reminded you, Amajiki was nothing but a stranger… A stranger who was terrified in your presence.

Another thought that tasted bitter.

“Your travels have been pleasant, I hope.”

“They have been…”

“Safe as well?”

“F-For the most part.

“How wonderful, we’ve been blessed.”

“Yea…”

You were so tired of bitter things.

The lull you were acclimated to enveloped you both it’s flightless wings, the dying embers of this encounter beginning to smolder without your prodding. You began to accept its lapsing death, this was not something you could keep breathing life into by your lonesome lest your lungs withered away from your vain persistence. Quietly, you resigned yourself to the meager company of the opulent waves that kissed at your feet, it’s hushed babble speaking in place of the man at your side.

Your bored stare shifted aside as you felt gentle, repeating tugs on the cloak’s side, Tamaki was currently pawing skittishly at the spare fabric resting across his legs. Slim, unsteady fingers rolling the thick treases against the pads of his thumbs as distant indigo irises drifted on the bowling crests of the open sea. You wondered briefly, what far-off beauteous land he was witnessing be built among the numerous whitecaps. You couldn't help but follow his lead, mayhaps if you looked hard enough, you too, could glimpse the realm beyond. Letting yourself be taken by the mysterious promise of an unseen province, you wandered astray on your mind’s painted aurorean skyline.

Ah, you could almost see it…

“I’ll be staying here now.”

You noticeably jumped, your reverie ceasing in seconds. You were not at all expecting Amajiki’s voice to echo out again nor for his inky eyes to be solely trained on your face with an indistinguishable expression transcribed onto his features.

“Here?” You breathed out in sheer confusion, not fully processing his statement nor its implications.

“Yes, indefinitely.” Tamaki informed you with a strange lithe almost as if he was trusting you with a precious secret.

“I’ll be home.” Home. Here. With you.

Now there were many things you could say, even more things you could feel… but all that managed to rush forth was a peculiar ardent, near voiceless-

“Welcome home.”

[nitrodame]

I love this story so much

My Lady

in which captain shigaraki tomura intended to take everything from the commodore who sank his ship—his wealth, his home, every treasure he’d collected in his journeys. but there was one thing he hadn’t factored into his perfect revenge scheme: falling in love with the man’s fiancé

shigaraki tomura x reader

wc: 15.2k genre: fluff, enemies to lovers, slow burn type: one-shot warnings: threats of violence, infidelity note: while in a technical sense this fic contains cheating (the reader is engaged to be married to hawks), the reader and hawks are not emotionally devoted to each other and not together in a modern sense. it’s an arranged marriage and the two characters are not in love

the words were coming forth before he could think about them. he’d realized long ago that such a thing was hardly rare when he talked to you. you simply had a profound effect on him; one which made his careful consideration go fuzzy, made him struggle to keep up the act. “you deserve someone who loves you, my lady. someone you love back.”

your back straightened. you turned your head just barely so that you could settle your gaze at him through the corner of your eye, lids heavy and face unreadable. “that’s a romantic thought, tenko. naïve, I think, but romantic. i used to daydream of it as i used to daydream of sailing. but it’s just as out of reach, just as cruelly close and unattainable as the sea.”

“what if it wasn’t?” he needed to stop talking. “what if it was right here? a man who loves you, ready to take you away on his ship?”

shigaraki tried to keep his breath steady. he tried to keep his expression innocent. he tried to convince you that his question was merely hypothetical.

he hoped you knew, somehow, that it was anything but.

Keep reading

[nitrodame]

𝔸𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥 (ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟚 )

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐤𝐢, 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐣𝐨𝐛.

A/N: Welcome to chapter 2 of Ascent! I won't be including story descriptions, tags or warnings in the following chapters aside from chapter 1 so if your looking for that info be sure to head back to chapter 1! Thanks!!

AO3

I / Chapter II / III / IIII

The night's celebration was as dreadful as you suspected, nobles doing their best to seem interested in your presence, hundreds of people you've never met congratulating you and talking about things you had little care for. Adding insult to injury was the gaudy, heavy ball gown, that you had been forced to wear, was starting to scratch at your already burning skin. Sweat soaked your thick undergarments and your head was pounding because of the never-ending chatter of the large crowd.

It was becoming insufferable.

The only highlight of the night was the time you were able to spend with Eri, she was eager to show you her new dazzling dress. It was a pretty garment, a simple red dress with sheer bell sleeves, the bottom hems lined with baby pink and pearl lace. Her hair was done up neatly in a bun, flowers woven delicately in with her white locks. She really did look adorable.

You had spent nearly the whole evening with her, listening happily as she excitedly recounted her favorite experiences of the last few months. She spoke of all the new and tasty food she got to try, the new friends she got to play with and the pretty places she got to see. She even showed you the new dance Mirio was teaching her. It was heartwarming to see her so passionate, her good mood making you forget about all the people around you.

But as the party wore on, she became more and more groggy. Sensing this, you had rocked her until she fell asleep, choosing to settle in the adjacent rose garden to keep the noise inside from disturbing her slumber. You wished you could stay like that, just the two of you, serenaded by the gentle song of crickets in the night's chilled air but alas, it wasn't so.

Mirio had found your hiding place quite quickly and convinced you to begrudgingly hand her over for the night.

That was hours ago but it felt so, so much longer.

Right now, you stood uncomfortably amongst a group of stuffy royals, who had insisted on pressing you about your still absent husband. You assured them he would appear eventually. Truthfully however, you didn't even know if he would actually turn up, it wouldn't shock you if he didn't. It was a common thing for him to do, many nights awaiting his arrival only to be met with a apologetic servant informing you plans had changed made you grow accustomed to it.

You were used to being alone.

Yet as you stood there, barely audible voices passing by your ears, you desperately prayed he would show. Though Tamaki never talked much, and his avoidance of social interaction met that he wouldn't engage anyone in even the smallest of conversations, you could at least hide behind his shadow. When he was present, you might as well be invisible. Everyone became so enthralled by their King that you became little more that an afterthought, an accessory of prestige, someone not worth talking to and right now-

That was all you wanted.

You searched fervently for any possible break in the dragging conversation but their comments flowed unhindered, much to your mounting dismay.

"You must be so excited for his highness's return! I'm sure the two of you have something special planned for tonight~" A duchess you didn't know, tittered with clear interest.

"Oh, yes! I've heard King Tamaki is a bit of romantic." Another chimed in before you could answer. "Whatever he has planned, I'm sure it'll be extraordinary!"

"As expected of our Lord!" The Countess to your left agreed readily.

You purposely said nothing as they continued their speculation about the hidden romantic side of their beloved king, hoping they would eventually forget you were standing amongst them. It's not as if you were knowledgeable about the subject at hand anyway, you shared the same level of insight as them. You had no idea if Tamaki was a romantic at heart, that was something you accepted you'd never know.

You'd let them continue their theories, you mused, it kept them from expecting a response from their so called queen.

Finally, after what felt like eons, you were gifted a slight lull in conversation. With the speed of light, you bowed apologetically, citing a trip to the restroom as the factor pulling you urgently away. You all but ran out of the ballroom, giving polite nods and fraudulent smiles as you squeezed past too many people to count.

Your foggy mind was focused on nothing but a grand escape.

The echo of your heels bounced off the vacant walls of the winding, unlit corridor as you searched for a corner that was well and truly isolated. You really didn't want anyone to happen upon you right now, especially because you planned to free yourself from the confines of your hideously uncomfortable outfit.

You'd be damned if you were going to tolerate another moment in this thing.

You were too taken with your scheme to realize how far you had wandered. When you finally decided to glance around, you found yourself standing just outside the massive embellished door of Tamaki's private study.

You beheld it, taking in the intricate brightly painted, beast like carvings that stretched from end to end, marveling at the fierce shimmer of the gold crested symbol that sat in the center of the black oak, just above glistening crystalline handles. It fit a king but not so much Tamaki himself, you thought. Though you didn't know much about the man you called your husband, you knew enough to understand that this was probably an eyesore to him.

Perhaps that was why he never occupied it, leaving the room to gather dust and cobwebs behind rusted hinges, doomed to sit by itself until it rotted away from disuse.

Same as you.

You traced your fingers faintly along the golden arches of your kingdom's symbol. It was silly, you supposed, to find kinship with a empty room rather than the hordes of guests that currently existed in your ballroom but...honestly, you'd much rather spend the entire night locked away in his forgotten study then spend another second at your 'party'.

"I think it's locked." A timid voice murmured from the space beside you.

You squeaked in sheer shock, pulling your hand from the door as if you been burned. Whirling around swiftly, you were met with vaguely familiar iridescent indigo irises.

"Tamaki?" You whispered softly, heart still pounding from the fright he had accidentally given you.

"I'm-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-um, to st-startle you..." The man stammered apologetically, his pale face flushed from slight embarrassment.

"No, it's okay, I just didn't think you were-" you bit your tongue.

Now was not the time.

"When did you arrive?" You instead asked, eyes tracing over his form from head to toe.

It was exceptionally clear to you that he was beyond exhausted, if the deep purple bags under his dulled eyes was any indication. His usually pristine ebony, silver lined tailcoat and crisp long white sleeves were wrinkled and worn, the large, thick fur cape, that he always wore, was crookedly draped across his broad shoulders, it's matted tresses matched his dark tangled hair almost comically.

"...Just now actually... I, um, saw you leave as I was coming in and..." Tamaki explained, his tone horse and low but his features remained gentle and rife with concern despite his tiredness. "...and I-I wanted to make sure you were alright."

Tamaki Amajiki was many things but a callous man was not one of them...you wished he was sometimes. It be much easier for you if he had been overtly cruel. This caring side was arguably worse.

You grimaced internally at the irony of that statement.

"I'm alright, just a little hot is all, don't worry." You reassured him, face mirroring his expression of concern. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, choosing to keep his voice in his throat as you studied his response. It was obvious you didn't believe his halfhearted answer but pressing him about it would hardly do any good for either of you anyway.

"...I can unlock the study...if you want..." He offered, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction. "...I still have the key."

"It's okay, I was just looking at it." You sighed, allowing him to shift the discussion successfully. It didn't escape you, the relieved way his shoulders fell as he realized you were going to drop the matter.

Was it really that dreadful to confide in you?

That gloomy thought stung more than it should have.

You pushed the idea away as quickly as it came, you wanted to focus on the good part of your day and express you gratitude correctly.

"Thank you for helping Mirio, I was able to spend time with Eri. I've wanted to see her so badly..." You smiled earnestly, your eyes lighting up in a way that was hard to miss. "I've missed her so much."

Tamaki stared at you with wide eyes, perhaps taken aback by your extremely rare display of profound contentment. It was almost as if he was trying to commit it to memory with the way he looked at you. You turned your gaze away, feeling increasingly self conscious now that his attention was focused solely on you. It was a scarce occurrence for him to even look at you, let alone stare.

He seemed to pick up on your shyness, sudden panic begin to set in as he realized he hadn't said anything back, his face getting even redder, if that was even possible.

"Oh! I, uh, I- I didn't know he told you...I told him not to -to say anything..." he scrambled to respond, hoping he hadn't offended you by remaining quiet.

"No, I'm glad he did. I couldn't thank you if he hadn't." You persisted, reaching out tentatively, you let your unsure hand rest upon Tamaki's shoulder. When you found he didn't shy away from your touch as he normally did, you continued. "This was the best present I could ever ask for, you've made me so happy tonight and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness."

"...I'm just happy you're smiling, it's so beautiful when you do." Tamaki whispered before he could catch himself, the uncontrollable bewilderment dawning on your face causing him to dart away from your touch.

"I-I should go uh, g-greet everyone!" Tamaki chirped as he rummaged within his cape, refusing to meet your eyes. You searched for something to say as he pulled out a bronze key along with a small black box, taking your hand gingerly and depositing the items in your grasp.

"I'll, um, s-see you a-a little later." He sputtered out, turning on his heel.

"Tamaki!" You called out frantically, your body instinctively moving to follow his retreating frame but was too late.

He was gone.

You stood alone in the darkened hallway, extremely confused by what just happened. The weight in your right hand the only indicator that the interaction had actually occurred.

Did he mean for it to sound so...

Your brows furrowed as your mind tried to deconstruct his statement.

He likes your smile? Was this him telling you he wants you to smile more often? Was it just a slip up? He wasn't good with words...so maybe it came out wrong? Did he mean something else?

Was...

Was it a joke?

No, Tamaki wasn't one for making jokes... right?

You rubbed at your forehead, the headache you had before starting to spread. This was starting to wear on your nerves, why couldn't he just act like he always did?

Why do this to you tonight?

Well it's not like he was going to explain it anyway, even if you asked.

You sighed in resignation as your eyes settled on the things resting in your hand, the metallic moonlit sheen of the bronze key glowed in contrast to the pitch black velvet box. You hesitantly picked the key up, it felt cold in your palm. It was probably for the study, you concluded. Testing your assumption, you pushed it into the waiting lock, the mighty click that reached your ears alerted you that you were right.

Your empty hand wrapped around the custom shaped handle, slowly opening the weighted doors with a load creaking noise. The stale air hit you before you could fully see the room, the smell of ancient books and mildew wrapping around you like a wool blanket.

It was strangely comforting.

You stepped inside, the huge door closing behind you with a slam. It was neat for the most part, books placed nicely on wooden shelves, unused papers sitting in a tidy stack on a dust covered desk, ink pots and quills arranged in a small glass container in the corner. The only candle in the space was completely used up, the last bit of dried wax spotting the aged windowsill. The moon provided the only light, the huge radius window bathing the study in a ghostly, blue hue. You breathed in deeply, allowing yourself to be fully encompassed.

This was the hidden oasis you needed.

But your tiny paradise was not completely perfect, you were reminded of that. The velvet rubbing against your fingertips briefly beckoned you to notice the box's presence. You paused, deciding what you should do with it. After a moment, you set the box down on the desk, part of you didn't really want to see what was inside. It was no doubt something that would twist your stomach in a strange, disoriented knot that stayed for days on end.

You didn't understand why it did that...to be fair there was a lot you didn't understand, about being a queen, about being a wife, about Tamaki.

You didn't really even understand who you were anymore.

By title, you were queen. By birthright, you were nobility. In name only, you were a wife.

Was that all you were, a hollow trinket strung together by little more that a collection of titles under a cumbersome crown?

Was that all you were destined to be?

You bit your lip as those notions whipped at you viciously. You eyes unfocused as you bit back a surge of affliction, that was something you didn't like thinking about.

It was something you REFUSED to think about.

You turned your tired gaze to stare out the large window, your eyes taking the night's full splendor in all her breathtaking glory, the stars bespectacled the deep indigo sky, not a single cloud in sight.

You smiled, the vast beauty of the night fought away the conflicting voices in your pounding head. Whenever you need to be quelled, you'd always turn to the moon for she was gentle and loving in her guidance, her allure like no other. You'd spent many solitary nights only lulled to sleep by her gleaming caress, the twinkling stars that surrounded her singing to you as her glow whispered into your dreams.

She was your one true lover.

If only could touch her. If just for a second.

You lamented the notion as you leaned against the glass panes, the chilly exterior pulling the unwanted heat from your skin.

You fiddled with your stiff sleeves absentmindedly, wondering silently if she would mind if you undressed.

You chuckled as you reached for the back part of your bodice.

It wasn't anything she hadn't seen before.

[nitrodame]

𝔸𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐤𝐢, 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐣𝐨𝐛.

Pairing(s): KING! Tamaki Amajiki x QUEEN! Reader

Genre: Historical Romance

Fic Type: Multi-Chapter

Status: Ongoing

Warning(s): Possible Smut, Descriptions of Violence and Abuse, Brief Mentions of War

Tag(s): Arranged Marriage, Historical AU, Angst/Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

A/N : Sooo this is my first fic for bnha! I got into the fandom a little late but better late than never right? Anyway, I'm really excited about posting this and hope you all enjoy! This is fic can also be found on AO3 , I'll always update ao3 first so be sure to check it out! Thanks!!

Chapter I / II / III / IIII

A loving marriage. Such a pathetic concept. Who really got to spend their life with the one they loved? Such an illusion was nothing more than a child’s broken fairytale. That was something you recited to yourself over and over again as you stared blankly at the man you were going to spend the rest of your miserable life with. Tamaki Amajiki, a distinguished prince from one of three ruling families of your land. A man who did not love you and probably never would. He was to be your life sentence and he couldn’t even meet your eyes. You wondered, somberly, if there was a special person that already occupied his heart as he quietly recited hollow vows that meant nothing to either of you.

How different would his words be if he really did love the woman that was standing before him? How fast would your heart beat if you truly adored the man cradling your hands? It was a bitter thought. A fleeting glimpse of a life you would never have. Your union was born from nothing more than necessity and as his quivering lips pressed stiffly against your own, it was a fact you would never let yourself forget.

You woke up in a bed that was much too large, all alone, yet again. The vacant sheets beside you, that were always cold to the touch, was something you had come to expect. You hugged a lone pillow to your body, burying your face into its softness. Your mind began replaying a familiar fantasy as you tried desperately to ignore the rays of spilling sunshine that forced their way through your silky curtains. You would often imagine the pillow as the warm chest of a lover, they would run their fingers through your messy hair and whisper sweet nothings in your ear after a long, passionate night of love making.

It was the same scenario day after day but it was all you had to stave off the numbing loneliness that renewed itself every sunrise. Just a little longer, that’s all you wanted, just a second longer to pretend you were adoringly desired.

However, your dreams were dashed as your chambermaids filed in, their idle chatter causing you to begrudgingly open your eyes. You fought the urge to tell them to leave so you could continue to indulge in your pity party...but you knew better, after all that was no way for a queen to behave. You sighed internally as they urged you to your feet.

Today was a special day. It was your birthday, the first one you would be celebrating as the new queen who was lucky enough to exist next to Tamaki's side. The whole kingdom was a buzz about your special day, nobles from all over the country would be attending your grand celebration. You couldn’t seem to share their enthusiasm, you were already alone, but what better way for that painful point to be driven home then by meaningless interaction with hordes of faceless strangers who cared nothing for you. You could almost laugh at the absurdity of it all.

You were pulled out of your stupor when you felt nimble fingers gently tugging at the loose threads of your favorite worn nightgown. Ah, you knew who those tiny hands belonged to.

“Good morning Eri.” You hummed sweetly, picking the little girl up with a smile.

“Good morning big sister! Happy birthday!” Eri giggled enthusiastically as your heart swelled with affection. The only blessing about being trapped here was becoming familiar with the little angel that was Eri.

The long days that ate away at you sped up and the world regained its vibrant hue when you were with her. Her innocent smile and childish bright eyes filled you with an indescribable joy that had been missing for as long as you could remember.

She was your everything.

“Thank you sweetie, but anymore of these birthdays and I’ll get all wrinkly.” You chuckled as the small girl cupped your cheeks, her crimson eyes scanning your skin with immense precision.

“I don’t see anything!” She concluded with insistence.

You only placed a soft kiss on her nose in response before your chambermaids began fussing with your garments. You set Eri down amongst your numerous pillows and blankets, she quickly pulled one to her chest.

“Has big brother Tamaki said happy birthday to you yet?” She asked softly, there was a painful squeeze that gripped your tightened chest.

You couldn't tell her.

How COULD you tell her?

Tamaki probably wouldn’t even remember your birthday had it not been a public affair.

“You beat everyone to it Eri, you're so fast that no one can tell me before you!” You grinned playfully, which quickly earned you a shy smile from the little girl.

"I'm really happy everyone is going to be together today!" Eri said after a moment, she seemed so excited you couldn't help but mimic her energy.

"Yes, all our friends from all over will be coming! I'm sure they all can't wait to see you!" You hummed as you did your best to help your maids undress you.

"But it's your birthday!" She countered, falling back against the soft bed, her arms stretched out as she spoke. "They'll be more excited to see you!"

"If I were them, it be you I'd be thrilled to see Eri." You chuckled as you watched her.

Her little face bloomed with an embarrassed but flattered blush, her small hands fiddling with the golden seams of the peachy satin pillow that resided in her arms as she thought about your kind words.

"Oh! Are your parents coming?" Eri asked with curiosity. "I'd really like to meet them!"

You stilled for a moment, the chambermaids froze, their fussing coming to a halt at the seemingly innocent question that poked a wound that was far from closed.

"I'm afraid not dear. There's much more urgent matters they must attend to this evening." You sighed, your tone gentle but the severe pain in your words rippled just beneath your annealed glassy façade.

"But..." Eri's face fell as she sat up, the miniscule shift in your steady voice not going unnoticed by her keen ears. "...It's your birthday."

"Aw, don't worry sweetie! I'm already surrounded by lots of my beloved family." You replied with a chipper tone, reaching out patting her head affectionately. You did your best to conceal the waver leftover in your words. "You're here, aren't you?"

The tension in the room began to dissipate as Eri's dazzling smile crept back onto her little face. A silent wave of relief washed over your maids, it was common knowledge among the castle that they were to never bring up your family...but Eri was a child, she didn't know better and it's was not something you spoke about openly anyway.

You didn't want your sour mood to undermine the little angel's excitement, she was so happy for you.

How could you dampen such enthusiasm?

You both continued your idle chatter as your maids finished their ministrations, it had been quite a while since you'd seen Eri after all. Mirio, her guardian and Tamaki's childhood friend had been away on confidential business for months and he had brought Eri with him.

You had begged the man to let her stay in your care while he was away but ultimately... he refused, he always did. Instead insisting she remain in his sight at all times. You did understand why but that didn't stop an Eri sized hole from forming within your heart. Even now, after your party concluded, she would be whisked away for no doubt months yet again.

And your one happiness would go with her.

A swift but polite knock at your bedroom door called your attention away from your thoughts. You sighed internally, knowing you'd have to continue your conversation with Eri later.

"Yes, come in." You summoned.

Tufts of bright blond hair entered your field of vision. His large ever present smile greeting you as Mirio stepped in, a sizable bouquet of pink peonies in hand.

"I should've known this is the first place you'd be, Eri." Mirio laughed as Eri gave him a bashful look. "She's been talking about seeing you nonstop ever since she heard about your birthday."

"I am equally as excited to see her. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about her." You replied sincerely, not missing the look of guilt that crossed Mirio's face.

"Don't worry! I'll be able to come over more soon!" Eri grinned, her eyes darting to her caretaker. "We promised!"

"Is that so?" You questioned, a playful but equally skeptical look dancing across your features as you turned to face the man before you.

"Yea, we'll be returning home shortly after this upcoming week for a while and I've promised Eri that she'll be able to visit you as much as she'd like until we have to leave again." Mirio admitted sheepishly. "But it was supposed to be a surprise, Eri."

"Ah sorry, I forgot." The little girl giggled as she watched an expression of pure joy light up your wide eyes.

You could barely contain yourself as you gathered Eri up in your arms, squeezing her in an almost crushing hug. You found yourself unable to let go, afraid she'd be stolen from you if you dared loosen your grip, even for a moment. Your eyes closed as you held her, the weight of her small form grounding you to the world beneath your feet.

"I couldn't ask for a more amazing surprise." You whispered, burying your face in her soft white hair as she wrapped her small arms around your neck, laughing happily.

Mirio said nothing, choosing instead to watch you with understanding and sad eyes. The immense pain was written all over your body, it always was. From the first time he'd met you to the last time he saw you, he could've sworn you never once smiled at anything other than Eri. Your eyes always seemed distant and empty, filled with resignation and thinly veiled loneliness.

It was hard to witness.

Even more so when he took away the only person that gave you a reason to smile.

…But hopefully this announcement would give you some respite at least for a little while.

"Oh, before I forget-" Mirio started after a moment, offering you the fragrant bouquet with a grin. "Happy birthday Y/N."

"Thank you, Mirio." You said gratefully, a true, genuine smile painted onto your lips as you took the flowers from his outstretched hand. "I'll never forget this."

"I know..." Mirio gave you a gentle nod, his eyes flitting to the girl cradled in your arms protectively.

"..I hate to take Eri from you but we have a couple things to get done before tonight's party." Mirio said tentatively, his voice careful as he relayed the information to you.

"I'm getting a new dress for the party!" Eri squeaked enthusiastically.

"I can't wait to see it darling!" You grinned up at her, tucking a loose strand of stray hair behind her ear before setting her down gently. "I'm sure whatever you choose it'll be beautiful on you!"

"We'll be back as soon as possible." Mirio reassured you, resting a soothing hand on the small of you back. "I promise."

"Thank you Mirio, I really appreciate it." You replied quietly, your gaze still fixed on Eri as she waved to you, heading out with one of your maids to go collect her things.

"I wouldn't have been able to return if it wasn't for Tamaki." The man sighed wistfully. He had promised his best friend he wouldn't say anything but you just had to know, he couldn't keep this from you. "Us being here is all his doing."

"Is it?" You muttered, finally lifting your stare to gaze upon Mirio.

"Yes, he was able to buy us some time with the Commander." He continued after you granted him your full attention. "I honestly have no idea how he did it. He's super amazing, you know."

"Will he be here tonight?" You inquired, moving to set the flowers on your vanity before gesturing for one of your chambermaids to bring a vase.

"He wouldn't miss it." Mirio insisted, watching as you gingerly pulled the peonies from their festive wrapping.

"I'll be sure to speak to him then." You mumbled while you ran your fingers over the soft pink petals, taking in their sweet smell. "It's been a long time since he's been home."

"I know you miss him." Mirio dared to say, his tone light. You paused, staring vacantly at your reflection as your maids hurried out of the room.

"How could I miss a man I don't know?" You huffed, eyes dagger like in appearance as they regarded Mirio with tired annoyance. "I'm surprised he even remembers my birthday."

"He cares about you quite a bit, more than you think he does." The man refuted, not dropping your icy stare.

"Hmm, I'm sure he does, that's why he leaves me here alone for months and never writes." You hissed bitterly before correcting your tone to a more polite one. "Well regardless, he's the reason Eri is here so I do want to make sure to express how thankful I am."

Mirio saw no point in trying to plea his best friend's case, you clearly didn't want to discuss the matter anymore and it's not as if you were completely wrong in your irritation.

Tamaki, though he did try, was never good with his communication and his status dictated him away for long periods of time. Your relationship was strained even before that but the constant distance really seemed to dig at both of you.

Tonight was the first night you'd see each other in over three months and you weren't looking forward to it. Your interactions weren't malicious or cruel but they were sterile and cold, most wouldn't even know you had been sworn to each other for life.

It drained you.

"You should go Mirio, Eri is probably waiting on you." You concluded calmly, breaking the staring match you'd had with the man only moments before. "Thank you again for the flowers, they're beautiful."

"Of course, I'm happy you like them." Mirio finally relented after some time, knowing that there was no use trying to engage you in further conversation. "We'll see you tonight."

He gave you one of his famous signature goofy grins before stepping out, you watched his back as he left, silently wondering if he really would return.