nothingworthnoting

[nothingworthnoting]

i wish i could say what i want to but mere words would feel like a betrayal i could never truly explain myself to you so sit there and watch me burn ill show you exactly how i feel

[nothingworthnoting]

beg me to protect you

and ill admit to you that i am incapable

ask me to destroy you

and ill promise you that i will be gentle

[nothingworthnoting]

you told me you would traverse mountains for me so i took that as a challenge and left you a mountain of regret to deal with.

only then, did you realize that some promises arent meant to be kept, and some mountains werent for you to climb.

[nothingworthnoting]

some nights i wonder how i dont collapse under

the thought of what once was

and what couldve been

other nights im sobbing inconsolably

wishing i could turn back time

wanting to be in your arms once more

longing to hear your sweet nothings

desiring to be seen by you

oh that stare of yours

ive always wondered why it made me so uneasy

only to realize you were never looking just into my eyes

but also staring into the depths of my soul

you could tell i was uncomfortable and would ask why

of course i would brush it off

as if i could actually confess to you

that ive never felt so exposed

stripped naked of all of the masks i put on

to stare at me the way you did

was to unravel me

and hold the fibers of my very being into light

oh it hurts

but hurt me as you please

[nothingworthnoting]

at times, i felt imprisoned by the love you had for me

and now that you no longer love me

im not sure whether this feeling is

freedom

or

loneliness

[nothingworthnoting]

i want to talk to you

but im afraid of hurting you with each word i speak

i want to write about you

but i think im spending energy where it shouldnt be

im caught inbetween

the pain of keeping you close

and

the agony of letting you go

you complained how you didnt know what i wanted

however, i dont even know what i want either

in the past, atleast this pain came with your love

nowadays this pain is only accompanied by your indifference

and even though im the one who ended things

even though i feel the way i feel and know what i know

im just glad im not your problem anymore

im happy you can finally be your own person

and live your own life

i hope to never hurt you again

but i know that means never speaking to you again

and that will forever burn an inextinguishable fire deep within my soul.

[nothingworthnoting]

you came into my life unexpectedly

around the time where i felt the most unlovable

you told me i was, in fact, lovable and showed me why

i didnt want to believe, it felt too good to be true

i joked around with people saying how this relationship just fell into my lap and i didnt even really do anything

but in hindsight, i now know that was me confessing how i didnt put in any effort when it was needed most

it was all too much for me and i fucked up constantly

and so i told you why i wasnt lovable and proved how

im so terribly sorry, i really am

i hope you heal from everything i put you through

i hope you forget all about me

but i hope you remember what my favorite color is

i hope you remember the way we would lay there and stare at each other

even in letting you go, i cant help but be selfish

what is wrong with me

[nothingworthnoting]

Real tears are not those that fall from the eyes and cover the face, but those that fall from the heart and cover the soul.

[nothingworthnoting]

the thought of you

leaves me constantly tossing and turning

i lay in bed, just longing and yearning

i think its about time i stop romanticizing

the pain you took away

and the suffering you left

youre no longer the same person

and neither am i

i dont know who you are anymore

and maybe thats okay

but it was nice knowing you

thank you for everything

and sorry for everything

i hope you get everything you desire in life

and i hope im not around to witness it

later skater.

[nothingworthnoting]

i cant sit here and act like youre nothing

when at one point you were everything

i built my foundations upon your love

and without it, im decaying

its not your fault

i tend to make poor decisions

although i wish you werent one of them

[nothingworthnoting]

i take uncomfortably hot showers to rid me of the ghost of your touch

i let it burn until self immolation

but it only reminds me of when you would hold me close

[nothingworthnoting]

when will sunsets stop reminding me of you

when will your name not bring pain to my soul

when will i think of you and not feel sick

when will uncomfortably hot showers not remind me of your touch

please tell me when.

[nothingworthnoting]

hold me close and tear me apart

just like you used to

cry with me and tell me you hate me

just liked you used to

something, anything

why does your absense and indifference hurt so much

[nothingworthnoting]

do you feel ashamed when you hear my name

do you feel regret when recalling my voice

i wonder and wonder

how did we get to this point

we had it all

and now we have nothing

i know im to blame

i dont ask for forgiveness

all i ask is that you never forget me

[nothingworthnoting]

would i do it all again if it meant the same outcome ?

im inclined to say no now

im not sure if it was worth it

i still love you

but

i think i was better off when i didnt know the cost of love

who am i now if not a husk of a person

shaped by your love and hate

molded by your desire and indifference

left to be forgotten

from strangers to lovers to strangers

maybe we shouldve stayed strangers

[nothingworthnoting]

i love violently

and i hate gently

that is my curse