#detachment

[thepeacefulgarden]

Promises you must make to yourself (and keep) when it's time to detach with love

I will stop trying to control anyone but myself.

I will set boundaries with this person, and I will not rescind those boundaries.

I will make those boundaries clear.

I will not give in to temper tantrums, threats, tears, bargaining, guilt trips, or other manipulative tactics. Instead, I will walk away.

I will stop doing things for them that they are capable of doing for themselves, and should be doing for themselves.

I will stop "loaning" them money I know I'm never going to get back.

I will let them be responsible for their own lives, and their own choices, and I will take responsibility for mine.

If it's necessary, I will remove myself and any children and/or pets from the household, and I will get us to safety.

I will prioritize my safety and well-being, and the safety and well-being of any children or pets.

I will not cover and lie for this person anymore.

I will no longer defend or make excuses for their unacceptable behavior.

I will prioritize my needs over their wants.

I will know that I am doing this because I love them and care about them, and I will absolve myself of guilt.

I will cultivate a support system of my own.

I will absolve myself of responsibility for their happiness, their life choices, their behavior, their words, and their responsibilities.

I will regulate my emotions when they try to dysregulate me. I will not lose my cool, no matter how much they agitate me.

If I cannot deescalate them, I will walk away.

I will absolve myself of responsibility for their feelings. I will let them be mad. Or sad. Or whatever else.

I will not bail them out of legal trouble.

I will not bail them out of any other kind of trouble or crisis.

I will no longer give this person second, third, fourth, fifth, hundredth chances they don't deserve.

I will accept that the situation is what it is, and I will stop trying to minimize or deny how bad it is.

I will accept that I cannot change or control them, and I will stop trying to do so.

I will find a sense of meaning, identity, and purpose outside of my relationship with them, or feeling "needed" or "wanted" by them, or anyone else.

I will let them face the consequences of their behavior, and I will absolve myself of responsibility for those consequences.

I will know and understand that I have done my best, and I cannot help someone who won't help themselves.

I will know that, no matter how much they may protest otherwise, I am not being selfish.

[feral-ballad]

from Anthology of Armenian Poetry, ed. & tr. by Diana Der Hovanessian and Marzbed Margossian; "David of Sassoun"

[Text ID: "I do not feel part of the world."]

[prettieinpink]

HOW TO STOP SELF SABOTAGING + DOUBTING

MAKE YOUR GOALS/HABITS AN IDENTITY. Your lifestyle makes up who you are, quite literally. If you want to wake up early, then start identifying yourself as an early bird. If you want to get good grades, then start identifying yourself as a studious student. And so on. 

This helps with feeling more accountable and committed to our goals and habits. However, don’t use this as a reason to overexert yourself. 

THERE IS SOMETHING UNDERNEATH CERTAIN BEHAVIOURS. All of your bad habits stem from your subconscious. This is why mentally healthy people tend to think more about their physical health. 

The best way to recognise patterns beneath your bad habits is just to talk to yourself. In any way or any form. Identify it, see what might’ve caused this subconscious thought and then work towards a way to replace the feeling that these bad habits give with a good one. 

DETACH FROM THE OUTCOME. The more you fixate on the long-term results, the more longer, strenuous and exhausting your journey is going to be, especially because you’re going to want to give up as soon as results don’t appear. Focus on the short-term results. 

You exercised? Now you feel good inside. You studied hard and understood everything? Great job for being so productive. You did that one really scary thing? What a great start!

THE PART OF YOU THAT DOES BAD HABITS IS NOT BAD. It is the complete opposite of bad. It loves you and wants to keep you safe, so it refrains you from doing anything ‘scary’ (which is typically new things in our lives) and makes you fall back on ‘safe’ habits which are a coping mechanism. 

So, instead of berating that part of you that participates in bad habits even if you know it’s bad, understand it. As these coping mechanisms usually stem from our childhoods, we turn to these habits when we feel stressed, anxious or depressed. 

[free-my-mindd]

Once you master self control and detachment nobody can phase you.

[spiritualseeker777]

[dumblr]

Old me: Begging people to act right.

New me: Detachment.

[classycookiexo]

[killieweegie]

At peace ✌️

[justmeandmyrandomthoughts]

[puer-luna]

[thepeacefulgarden]

[nonotnolan]

Roommate Rehab

The worst part about coming back to my apartment and seeing my roommate's detached head watching a movie on the couch? Knowing that it meant his body was making a mess somewhere else. My original plans to room with other guys in my major had fallen through, and I ended up stuck sharing a lease with Glenn, a warlock whose sole focus seemed to be working out and getting laid. There was always a thin layer of empty protein shake bottles and dirty dishes on the floor, all of his clothes were flung onto random surfaces in the living room, and the entire room smelled like a dank locker room.

"Dammit, Glenn!" I yelled, trying to be heard over the sound of Netflix. "Your body is making a mess in the kitchen again!"

He just rolled his eyes at me. "Whatever, you know that I like to have me time in the evenings. My body is just taking a break from doing pushups, or something. You're gay, you like the eye candy."

I tried not to let his cheap jab bother me. "More like it's taking a break from jacking off," I muttered. At least it was wearing pants this time. Half the time Glenn's body was wiping its bare ass all over our countertops, rather than just dripping sweat everywhere.

Today, I was not going to be bothered. Today, I had a plan.

"You know, I heard something interesting from our new neighbor Allan," I said, casually slipping off my backpack. "It turns out he's a warlock too. And he mentioned that you should have a lot more control over your detached body than you told me."

Glenn didn't even bother to look over in my direction. "We've been over this, dweeb. I can't stop my body from taking off its clothes if it gets uncomfortable. I bet he's using a different spell or something."

I slowly made my way over to the kitchen, where his body was just lounging around. "Good question. He's right here, so why don't you ask him yourself?" I pulled Allan's head out of my backpack, taking care not to pull his hair too hard. "Or maybe I'll just put his head on your body."

"Don't you fucking dare!" he yelled, trying to scramble his body to its feet. It was too late, though. I lunged forward, placing Allan's head onto Glenn's neck. There was a flash of magic, and now it was Allan in control of Glenn's massive muscles. "You fucking thief! Don't you dare just leave me as a detached head!"

Allan picked up Glenn's head and set him down on the end table. "Calm down. It's selfish jerks like you who give warlocks a bad name. We'll get bored of punishing you... eventually." He sprawled across the couch, and started rubbing his new hands across his bulging abs. "I have to admit, controlling a body like this, I do kind of understand the appeal. I thought we'd give him back his body after a few hours, but maybe I'll keep it for a day or two."

Allan looked over at me with a shit-eating grin. "What do you think, neighbor? Want to help me break in my new body?"

"You know it!" I said, kneeling down to suck on Allan's new, rock hard nipples. "But we're staying out here on the couch. Glenn has been an absolute ass these past several months, and I want him to see everything that we do to his body. I want him to know that it all could have been avoided if he hadn't been such an asshole to me." Allan's fingers ran through my hair as my mouth started to wander down south toward his crotch.

Glenn's head started to scream so loudly that he tipped over sideways. "No! No! Don't you dare! Stop it! No!" He kept yelling as my hand slipped into Allan's waistband and pulled out his stiffening cock.

"Damn, son," Allan said, letting out a low whistle. "That's gotta be... what, seven inches? That settles it, I'm keeping this body for the weekend. Here, let me grab my own body from down the hall." I paused our makeout session to let Allan concentrate, and pretty soon the headless body of a bear let itself into our apartment.

"Absolutely not!" Glenn yelled, as Allan's original body started to slowly unbutton its shirt. "I'd rather stay headless than be stuck piloting that hairy sack of fat!"

Allan just shrugged, his smug grin getting even wider. "Suit yourself," he said, rubbing his chest while I stripped off my clothes. "We'll just have a threesome with my bodies while you watch."

"Hold that thought," I said, grabbing one of Glenn's stray socks from off the floor. Placing one hand on his forehead, I shoved the sock deep into his mouth to gag him. He coughed and sputtered, but the cheap cotton was starting to cling to the inside of his mouth. "I want him to watch, but I'd rather not have to listen to him spew insults."

Allan laughed as he watched Glenn's head trying and failing to spit out the makeshift gag. "Sounds good to me. This is your fantasy, bud, I'm just here to enjoy the ride. How do you want me?"

I paused, weighing pleasure and humiliation as I decided how to fuck my roommate's hot body. It helped that Allan's head was easy on the eyes, of course. "Let's start with a double spoon. Your old body penetrates your new ass, and your new cock penetrates my ass."

"You don't want to dump a load in your roommate's bubble butt?" Allan said, slapping it for emphasis.

"Oh, trust me, that ass is on my list," I said, returning his smile. "But if we've got the whole weekend, I figure I should pace myself."

[sk-lumen]

Mastering detachment is about shifting the narrative focus from other to self. Where attention goes, energy flows. That's how you reclaim your power and energy. "Am I good enough for them? Are they thinking of me? Am I too much?" should all turn into "Are they good enough for me? Do they respect my boundaries? Are they good for my wellbeing? Are they meeting my standards?"

[free-my-mindd]

Detachment getting real easy for me.

[alluresunba]

[classycookiexo]