notperfectjustforgiven

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Today I am Thankful, Grateful, & Blessed

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Positivity in my coloring pages helps to curve my anxiety

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Coloring helps me focus my energy and calms my anxiety.

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So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

2 Corinthians 4:18 NLT

Amen & Amen! The struggles, sorrows, and heartbreak I have today will not last forever but God's love, His unconditional perfect love endures forever!! That's more comforting than a cup of pumpkin spice cappuccino sitting wrapped in a blanket by the fireplace.

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OP what.is.mental.illness [Instagram]

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It’s okay if you’re still scared despite being safe now. Those feelings are understandable and they don’t just go away because you are out of the situation. Your feelings are valid. 

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strangers being kind to u is one of the best things ever because u know that they gain nothing from it and they probably will never see u again but they just choose to be kind

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My latest coloring page. I am doing exactly what it says. To Begin Again in a new chapter in my life.

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Chapter I

She was the most difficult person in the world to describe. On some day’s she was the Pacific ocean in October.

A place where people with a lot on their minds came to breathe, others to pray. From where I stood she was composed, quietly preparing for sailboats looking for safety in her grips.

But like so many souls lost at sea know, the ocean was also in war, somewhere far beyond the horizon. A seething battle among sunken ships and sorrow filled sirens roared in her deepest parts.

On other days she was a hot, suburban sidewalk in the summer. Covered in chalk dust hearts and spaceships, cooling from spilt lemonade and misty sprinklers. Shadows of children’s skewed cartwheels cascading on her surface.

She was both heartache and happiness– a show and tell example of what love was. I was addicted. But I am just a lovesick poet, if you asked anyone else to describe her, they might simply say, "Jesus Christ that’s a pretty face."

― I wrote this for someone, 2016

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Seeing that you are not the man I thought you were,

Breaks my heart and everything's a blur.

I thought you were genuine, honest, and kind.

I believed you were everything you said you were, but I was blind.

I gave up everything for you,

I gave up my family, my church, my friends,

I just wanted you to know I was all about you til the end.

Nothing I ever did was enough,

Fighting your thoughts, your assumptions, your insecurities was tough.

But I stuck by you thru it all though,

And you just left and didn't care to go.

I hope you have all you want in life,

I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted in a wife.

You are my last there'll never another,

I'm trying to get our lives and hearts put back together and be a mother.

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I wonder what makes a predator choose his prey,

How he make the choice of whom he will have his way.

Is it by looks or situation or circumstance,

I wonder if I'd done something different would I have had a chance.

When he came from behind and forced me into the car,

I struggled and fought like I was at war.

When he pushed my face into the back seat,

I knew what he would do to me.

It's not the 1st time this has happened to me,

I knew he wouldn't stop no matter how much I would beg and plea.

That teddy bear you got me for Valentine's day was there where my chest lay.

I closed my eyes and drafted away,

I was in another place for just a moment,

In your arms safe, loved, and content.

Then I felt a force in the back of my head and everything went black,

When I opened my eyes I was sad because I had hoped I was dead instead.

I grabbed my teddy bear and gripped it to my chest.

Locked the doors in case he decided to come back.

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You have been gone for 2 weeks

No calls no texts no checking on me.

Then the phone rings, it's a number I don't know,

My heart drops and all I feel is anxiety.

I don't pick up, I'm frozen with fear,

Scared of what I might hear.

So I wait for the ringing to stop,

I call it back with my number blocked.

Sure enough it was you that had called,

My eye filled up and just balled.

I don't leave a voicemail this time,

I feel like I'm stuck in a box like a mime.

Then later you text me, Are you ok?

And I'm stuck because I don't literally know what to say.

You are my last one,

The only man I want.

I wonder if there has been any women in your bed since you've been gone.

You seem to be doing great without me,

That's harder than you'll ever know and hurts beyond belief.

I love you with all my heart,

And all the while mine has been ripped apart.

I struggle days to day to get out of bed,

But we have a daughter that needs me and that's enough said.

When you walked away and turns your back on us,

That's when I realized there was nothing else more about to fuss.

I love you and I want joy and love for you,

No matter what that means you have to do.

Your home hasn't been with me in a long while,

You happier when I'm not around and nothing between us but miles and miles.

You are loved adored and free,

You no longer have any obligations to me.

We've slept in the car in lot anywhere we could find,

And you didn't have a care in the world we were out of sight out of mind.

You moved on with out us and that's ok,

I need to accept it and go on my way.

It's hard though because you are all I want and love,

I still believe you were sent to me from above.

But this is goodbye my love my heart,

It's time we both have a fresh new start.

My heart broken into a tiny billion pieces,

And the pain the the sadness never ceases.

I love you my husband my forever my last,

I pray that you have the time of your life a blast.

You deserve joy, and peace

You deserve a life of ease.

I sit here in tears falling apart and lost,

But loving you I've learnt that's the cost.