novawritesthingsss

[novawritesthingsss]

I want to post the full wip, but cant :(

But anyways, heres a part of the WIP of The Forest's Calling

Cws: Sleeping problems, mentions of passing out (mild, nondescriptive though.), just general bad sleeping habits. If theres any more needed please tell me.

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Celeste had a problem. They couldn't sleep at night if their life depended on it. The only times they really get any sleep is when ‘they pass out from exhaustion’. Or that's what their friends call it, for them it's more of a nap, every few hours. Not passing out, they hoped.

Some say it's most likely an unchecked health condition or something. But that can't possibly be the case, they were fine, they have no illnesses. Well they sorta did, but that was a mental one, and undiagnosed. But even then that wasn't the case of course.

It was probably some kind of insomnia, which is technically a health condition but they chose to ignore that detail.

What really mattered is what was keeping them up, which they had a good idea of.

That stupid forest.

They couldn't stop thinking about it. It was the only thing that calmed the storm in their mind. Something about the forest was oddly calming. So calming in fact that they snuck off to it almost every day, trying to achieve the same feeling they had when they first found it.

They first stumbled upon the forest when they were 13, and still going through their little identity crisis. When they finally realized that they were more of a ‘they’ than a ‘she’. Of course, they had no idea what they were doing at the time. They didn't know how to express the change, and change has always brought them stress.

They found the forest when they went on a walk, to clear their mind. Even though that never really works for them. Just being alone in your thoughts while on the move. Then they saw that fence and let their curiosity lead them to the other side. Jumping the fence into the wonder that was the forest.

They wandered through the forest. Taking in the sights and smells of the forest. The nice breeze they felt through the thin hoodie they took out with them, which wasn't the best option in late fall to take.

It was calming, almost magical. It completely slowed their thoughts. Which is how their obsession with the forest started.

To be honest, it was pretty much an addiction they had with that forest. The calm feeling they rely on to get through the day. The calm that allowed them to ignore their thoughts, to distract themselves from reality.

So they went almost every night. Not the best replacement for sleeping. But it was better than laying restless on their bed. It's not like they would be able to sleep either way.

It wasn't healthy, and it left them worn out and tired the next morning. But they didn't care. They always get rest from the naps no?

Yeah, those naps don't do much at all. If they did, they wouldn't be taking involuntary ones all the time.

[novawritesthingsss]

Haha you get angst

“Hey Cele.” “Hm? What Alex?” “Just checking if you were awake.”

Celeste began to sit up “Oh please, I don't pass out that often.” Alex shook his head. “Trust me you do, you really do. It would be odd if you didn't fall asleep mid-class every day for a week at this point.” Celeste scoffed. “It's not that often.”

“It is.” Alex insisted. Celeste scoffed again. “Ok, when was the last time, before this did I fall asleep, mid period?”

“Third, two periods before this.” “Oh, fuck off. Don't act like you never did the same.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “I do, but not every day, and every week, and every month. Only you do it, every single day. What's happening Cele?” they shrugged. “Just tired I guess.”

“‘Just tired’? Please at this point I'm starting to think it's a medical condition.” “It's not Lex!”

Alex paused, “Wait… Did you just call me Lex?” Celeste rolled their eyes. “Yes a nickname, We're getting off topic.”

“Right right, just caught me off guard.”

He Cleared his throat. “Then what is it?”

“I…” They hesitated. Of course they did, like how were they supposed to tell Alex out of all people about the restless nights. The feeling that they get about how something is missing, the feelling digging a pit deep into their stomach. A feeling that's too hard to calm. The only thing calming it is the forest they sneak into, which will eventually get them killed. At least they were repaired for that.

They sighed. “I cant.”

“Why not?”

“I just… can't.”

Before Alex could respond, the bell rang. Meaning Lunch was over, and that they needed to leave their little hiding spot. “Goodbye Alex.”

“What no— Cele, wait-”

They closed the door on him, running to their next class.

[novawritesthingsss]

Just Friends, Nothing Else

TWs: None (if there is any, tell me!!)

[Ao3 Link]

Celeste and Alex hang out for a bit. They totally like each other just platonically, and no other way. Just friends… right?

Just for context, Alex goes by he/she and Celeste they/them!

I hope you enjoy as this took pretty long and made me doubt my writing skills, just a bit. But then again I'm used to writing angst so-

⚘⚘⚘

Alex can't remember the last time he went to the mall. Most of the time he was dragged to the cafe because Janette refused to go anywhere else, which Alex didn't blame her for. He knew how it felt going to crowded places, where it's hard to feel safe, or places you never went. She could practically feel the anxiety radiating when he only mentioned the suggestion of going somewhere new to Janette.

But with Celeste it was different. They seemed not to care where they were going, as long as they were meeting. To be honest, their lack of battle when deciding on where to go scared Alex, but he decided it was best not to mention it.

(And if Alex was being honest, meeting with Celeste was more… how to put it? Enjoyable than meeting with Janette. But Alex couldn't quite put her finger on why. It was better she just ignored the feeling for now.)

The two arrived together. They got some milkshakes and sat at a table in the food court.

Alex started the conversation. “So Cele, how are you—” “Why do you guys call me that?”

Alex shrugged, “I don't know, just a stupid nickname I made up. Then Annie stole it and it became less original.” Celeste nodded. “Oh, alrighty.” They thought for a moment before continuing “So do you like spooky stories?”

“Spooky how?” 

Celeste shrugged. “You know, those weird myths about creatures and stuff. Them roaming around, killing people and stuff at night? Sorry, it's hard for me to explain thi-”

“No I understand what you are tryna say,” Alex interrupted, “Yeah I do like those types of myths. If I'm being honest, they bring me some kind of… calm… I guess.” Celeste smiled awkwardly “Yeah, me too. It's so weird. I think there's something wrong with me…” they followed the sentence with a weak laugh. Alex laughed back, admittedly it was quite an awkward laugh. Wait, why was she feeling so awkward? It's only Celeste.

Celeste took a sip of their milkshake. “I'm glad you picked that place for milkshakes, this is really good.” Alex hummed “I knew you would like it, used to go there all the time.”

“What made you stop?” Celeste questioned. Alex shrugged “Just… didn't sit right with me going out on my own… I guess. Only sits right with me when I'm with friends and stuff, no idea why.”

Celeste opened their mouth to reply but then closed it. They paused for a while before reopening it “I understand.” They took another sip of their milkshake.

Alex stared at his, If he was being honest he wasn't quite in the ‘mood’ for a milkshake. In fact, he wasn't in the ‘mood’ for any kind of food or beverage, he never was. He doubted Celeste would notice.

“Hey Alex, why haven't you touched your milkshake?” She stands corrected.

“Uh… not really in the mood for it I guess. Too full” That was a lie. “What did you eat before this?”

Alex didn't answer.

“I see…”

Celeste cleared their throat. “Well, we would need to do something with it so then it doesn't melt into chocolate soup.” Alex stayed silent for a while before replying. “Fine, I'll have it. It's not exactly the best thing to have for a ‘lunch’ but at least it's something…”

“You didn't eat when you came home? But we skipped lunch-” “I know, I know. It was a stupid decision. Just didn't really wanna have anything from my house.” “Oh alright.”

The two slipped at their milkshakes for a while. Both not exactly sure what to say. To get closer, Alex scooted his seat a little closer to Celeste. He noticed how uncomfortable this could have made Celeste so she decided to move back. Just before he could though, Celeste stopped him, claiming that they ‘didn't mind’ and that they ‘liked him nearby’.

Alex nodded and went back to drinking his milkshake.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I like your hair?” Celeste questioned. Alex shook his head. “I don't think so… but why?” Celeste shrugged, “I don't know it's just that it looks very puffy, almost wanna touch it, but that's not respectful.”

“You could touch it if you really want to.” “Oh really?” “Yeah go ahead.” “It's really fluffy, wow.”

Alex smiled “Yeah…” Celeste took their hand off of his hair and smiled back. They were smiling at each other for a good 5 minutes before Celeste broke eye contact. “Sorry that was weird-”

“No it's fine.” Alex assured. “Oh.” Celeste hesitated, “Do you mind if I lean on you? I'm kinda cold and you're kinda a human heater.” Alex shook his head. “No, I don't mind.”

“Oh, that's good.”

Celeste let themself fall onto Alex’s shoulder, letting their head rest near his neck.

“Damn you are cold…” Alex mumbled. Celeste hummed in agreement, “Some call me an ice cube.”

“I mean, you do love wearing blue—  heck even your hair is dyed blue.” “Yeah…blue hair and pronouns—” “The hair does suit you though.” “Thanks.” “Wait, am I allowed to hug you?” “Uh… sure.”

Alex took one of his arms and wrapped it around Celeste’s waist. “Human heater…” they mumbled.

“You're cute,” Alex said without thinking.

“Wha?” “Nothing.” “No, I heard you. It definitely wasn't nothing.” “Shush child.” “If it makes you feel better I think you're cute too.”

Alex’s face flushed. “Oh.” Celeste chuckled weakly, “What? I can not lie, you do look cute.” Alex covered her face with her free hand. “T-Thanks…” Celeste smiled. “You're welcome.”

At this point both of their milkshakes were finished, it was currently 4:37 pm and the two were definitely not going home anytime soon. Alex knew he had to suggest something else they could do before Celeste got too comfortable and fell asleep.

“How much money do you have?” He asked. “Hold on lemme check.” Celeste dug through their bag in order to achieve their wallet. “Looks like a got like… forty dollars… why?”

“We should go to the arcade!” “How much do you have?”

Alex paused, “Like fifty? We could combine.” Celeste nodded, Alex Continued. “Fifty plus forty equals ninety, we should be good for a while.”

“We shouldn't use all of our money,” Celeste warned. “You're right… Maybe we should just use my fifty?” “We could still combine. Don't want you using all of your money.” “Fine if you insist.”

⚘⚘⚘

“Come on Cele, it can't be that hard to shoot it in the basket!” “I'm trying!” “Do you want me to try?” “...”  “Yeah I do.”

Celeste moved to the side, allowing Alex to grab the ball and start shooting. Celeste frowned “I Seriously don't get how you shoot so well…” Alex shrugged “I honestly have no idea, just good at this I guess.”

“Damn… you are getting a lot of points…” “Yeah, getting us a lot of points…” “But I'm not doing anything-” “You started this, plus you could try shooting with me!” “But-”

Alex moved over a bit. “Come on, try? For me? If you really think you're that bad then you don't have to do more, but I believe you got this” Celeste sighed. “Alright, fine.” They slid next to Alex and started shooting. To their disbelief, they seemed to be getting more in than last time. The two continued shooting till the timer ran out. A long line of tickets came out of the machine.

“See?” Alex pulled out the tickets, showing them to Celeste, “You're not bad!” Celeste shook their head. “You got the most points though…” Alex scoffed playfully “Come on, we wouldn't have gotten this many without you though!” Celeste sighed. “I guess…”

Alex rested a hand on their shoulder. “Now come on, let's see how many we got!”  “We have like 165. We only have enough credits for one more game.” Celeste reminded. “Oh. Well…” Alex looked up and scanned the arcade. “What should we play?”

Celeste gestured towards the skee ball game. “We haven't tried Skee ball yet.” Celeste pointed out. “It should be easy, let's do it.” 

“Uh I don't know Cele… We can uh, play the other games again?” “Come on, the other games are boring.” “Skee ball is boring too, plus there are other games we haven't played” “Yeah but… come on, if we get those two goals then we would have just enough tickets for the speaker!” “...Fine…”

Alex glanced at the prize wall, reading the amount of tickets needed for the speaker. As soon as they set eyes on it, he and Celeste knew they had to win it. 

The two goals at the top were worth 100 tickets, more than enough tickets for the speakers.

Celeste grabbed him by the arm, dragging him towards the skee ball machine. “Wait where is the card, Alex do you have it?” Alex nodded. “I think so. Hold on.” he pulled out the card and handed it to Celeste.

Celeste took one of the balls and rolled it, making the ball into the twenty point  goal. “Damnit…” 

Alex tried next, making it into the thirty-point goal. “Now we got like 215 tickets.”

“Well not yet-” “You know what I mean.” “Whatever, come on, keep doing the thingy-” “Rolling the ball—?” “Hush!”

They were at it for about 2 minutes before the machine timed them out. They were able to rack up 345 tickets. More than enough for the speaker. 

“We should probably get more than just the speaker with the tickets.” Celeste proposed. “Like what?” Celeste pointed at some bracelets “Lets get some bracelets. I know they look kinda stupid, but like we can get it as like a reminder… or something…” The bracelets were neon, and kinda hard to look at due to the arcade lights. Despite how much of an eyesore they were, Alex liked the idea. He nodded, “Yeah sure.”

Celeste grabbed Alex by the hand and pulled Alex towards the prize wall. They handed in all of the tickets, which the Prize Giver then put into a machine to get them counted. Once they were all counted a Monitor nearby displayed the number 345. Then Prize Giver turned to them and asked “Do you wanna cash in now? Or are you guys gonna keep playing?”

“We’ll Cash in now.” Alex responded. The Prize giver nodded. “Alright, what do you girls want?” Celeste pointed at the speaker. “That please.” The Prize giver nodded and brought down the speaker, placing it on the counter. They started typing numbers in the computer nearby, which brought the number on the monitor down to twenty-five. “Is that all?”

Alex shook his head. “A few more items.” she pointed at the bracelets. “Two of those, please. One pink one and one green one. Please.” The Prize Giver nodded and gave them the bracelets. They typed another thing onto the computer, bringing the number down again, this time to five. The Prize Giver cleared their throat “So you have enough for one of the little dinosaur toys or the other stuff in the five-credit area, but I think the dinosaurs are better than the likely expired candy and stuff.”

Celeste chuckled. “Then let's get a dinosaur, just for the heck of it.” The Prize Giver smiled and nodded, giving Celeste their dinosaur and typing things onto the computer, finally bringing the count to zero.

The two thanked the Prize Giver and Left, still holding each other's hands.

It took a minute for them to finally notice, and once they did they just stared at each other, faces flushed with red. Alex spoke first. “Well uh… do you want your bracelet now?” Celeste nodded. “Yeah. that would be nice.” Alex hummed “Leave your arm out, ima put it on.” Celeste nodded and raised their arm. 

Alex kneeled down and slid the bracelet on like he was the groom exchanging the ring with the bride. Both she and Celeste laughed. “How romantic…” Celeste teased. Alex laughed and stood up, wiping any dirt he could have gotten on his pants. Celeste checked their phone and frowned, “I should be going… Do you need a ride? I can ask my sister to pick you up.”

Alex thought for a moment then nodded. “Yeah… I rather not walk home.�� Celeste nodded. 

Celeste was about to text her sister but then stopped. “Oh by the way I haven't came out to any family members…”  “So do you want me to use-” “Yeah… best to not risk anything.” Alex nodded.

The both of them found a bench near one of the buildings next to the arcade and waited for Celeste's sister to come.

After fifteen minutes she finally came. “Hey Asha!” Celeste greeted enthusiastically. “Hey Cele,” she responded, less enthusiastically, “You and your friend can sit in the back.” The other two nodded and crawled into the back.

Asha started the car. “Ok, so where do you live Alex?” “Oh, I live like 5 houses down from your house.” Asha nodded and started driving.

It took 5 minutes for Celeste to fall asleep and fall onto Alex’s shoulder. Alex didn't move of course, he liked it, he thought it was cute. 

He liked Celeste, and it took him way too long to figure that out.

⚘⚘⚘

[novawritesthingsss]

Celeste smiled. “You're welcome.”

At this point both of their milkshakes were finished, it was currently 4:37 pm and the two were definitely not going home anytime soon. Alex knew he had to suggest something else they could do before Celeste gets too comfortable and falls asleep.

“How much money do you have?” He asked. “Hold on lemme check.” Celeste dug through their bag in order to achieve their wallet. “Looks like a got like… forty dollars… why?”

“We should go to the arcade!” “How much do you have?”

Alex paused, “Like fifty? We could combine.” Celeste nodded, Alex Continued. “Fifty plus forty equals ninety, we should be good for a while.”

“We shouldnt use all of our money.” Celeste warned.

“You're right… Maybe we should just use my fifty?”

“We could still combine. Don't want you using all of your money.”

“Fine if you insist.”

⚘⚘⚘

“Come on Cele, it can't be that hard to shoot it in the basket.” “I'm trying!”

“Do you want me to try?” “...” 

“Yeah I do.”

Celeste moved to the side, allowing Alex to grab the ball and start shooting. Celeste frowned “I Seriously don't get how you shoot so well…” Alex shrugged “I honestly have no Idea, just good at this I guess.”

I mean im not done but this is way too good looking to NOT post the WIP

Tws: none

(Oh and just for context Alex goes my he/she and Celeste they/them!)

Alex can't remember the last time he went out to the mall. Most of the time he was dragged to the cafe because Janette refused to go anywhere else, which Alex didn't blame her for. He knew how it felt going to crowded places, where it's hard to feel safe, or places you never went. She could practically feel the anxiety radiating when he only mentioned the suggestion of going somewhere new to Janette.

But with Celeste it was different. They seemed not to care where they were going, as long as they were meeting. To be honest their lack of battle when deciding on where to go scared Alex, but he decided it was best not to mention it.

(And if Alex was being honest, meeting with Celeste was more… how to put it? Enjoyable than meeting with Janette. But Alex couldn't quite put her finger on why. It was better she just ignored the feeling for now.)

The two arrived together. They got some milkshakes and sat at a table in the food court.

Alex started the conversation.

“So Cele—”

“Why do you guys call me that?”

Alex shrugged, “I don't know, just a stupid nickname I made up. Then Annie stole it and it became less original.” Celeste nodded. “Oh, alrighty.” They thought for a moment before continuing “So do you like spooky stories?”

“Spooky how?” 

Celeste shrugged. “You know, those weird myths about creatures and stuff. Them roaming around, killing people and stuff at night? Sorry it's hard for me to explain thi-”

“No I understand what you are tryna say,” Alex interrupted, “Yeah I do like those types of myths. If I'm being honest, they bring me some kind of… calm… I guess.” Celeste smiled awkwardly “Yeah, me too. It's so weird. I think there's something wrong with me…” they followed the sentence with a weak laugh. Alex laughed back, admittedly it was quite an awkward laugh. Wait why was she feeling so awkward? It's only Celeste.

Celeste took a sip of their milkshake. “I'm glad you picked that place for milkshakes, this is really good.” Alex hummed “I knew you would like it, used to go there all the time.”

“What made you stop?” Celeste questioned. Alex shrugged “Just… didn't sit right with me going out on my own… I guess. Only sits right with me when I'm with friends and stuff, no idea why.”

Celeste opened their mouth to reply but then closed it. They paused for a while before reopening it “I understand.” They took another sip of their milkshake.

Alex stared at his, If he was being honest he wasn't quite in the ‘mood’ for a milkshake. In fact, he wasn't in the ‘mood’ for any kind of food or beverage, he never was. He doubted Celeste would notice.

“Hey Alex, why haven't you touched your milkshake?”

She stands corrected.

“Uh… not really in the mood for it I guess. Too full” that was a lie.

“What did you eat before this?”

Alex didn't answer.

“I see…”

Celeste cleared their throat. “Well we would need to do something with it so then it doesn't melt into chocolate soup.” Alex stayed silent for a while before replying. “Fine, I'll have it. It's not exactly the best thing to have for a ‘lunch’ but at least it's something…”

“You didn't eat when you came home? But we skipped lunch-” “I know, I know. It was a stupid decision. Just didn't really wanna have anything from my house.”

“Oh alright.”

The two slipped at their milkshakes for a while. Both not exactly sure what to say. To get closer, Alex scooted his seat a little closer to Celeste. He noticed how uncomfortable this could have made Celeste so she decided to move back. Just before he could though, Celeste stopped him, claiming that they ‘didn't mind’ and that they ‘liked him nearby’.

Alex nodded and went back to drinking his milkshake.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I like your hair?” Celeste questioned. Alex shook his head. “I don't think so… but why?” Celeste shrugged, “I don't know it's just that it looks very puffy, almost wanna touch it, but that's not respectful.”

“You could touch it if you really want to.”

“Oh really?” “Yeah go ahead.”

“It's really fluffy, wow.” Alex smiled “Yeah…” Celeste took their hand off of his hair and smiled back. They were smiling at each other for a good 5 minutes before Celeste broke eye contact. “Sorry that was weird-” “No it's fine.” Alex assured. “Oh.” Celeste hesitated, “Do you mind if I lean on you? I'm kinda cold and you're kinda a human heater.” Alex shook his head. “No, I don't mind.”

“Oh, that's good.”

Celeste let themself fall onto Alex’s shoulder, letting their head rest near his neck.

“Damn you are cold…” Alex mumbled. Celeste hummed in agreement, “Some call me an ice cube.”

“I mean, you do love wearing blue—  heck even your hair is dyed blue.” “Yeah…blue hair and pronouns—” “The hair does suit you though.” “Thanks.”

“Wait, am I allowed to hug you?” “Uh… sure.”

Alex took one of his arms and wrapped it around Celeste’s waist. “Human heater…” they mumbled.

“You're cute.” Alex said without thinking.

“Wha?” “Nothing.” “No, I heard you. It definitely wasn't nothing.”

“Shush child.” “If it makes you feel better I think you're cute too.”

Alex’s face flushed. “Oh.” Celeste chuckled weakly, “What? I can not lie to you do look cute.” Alex covered her face with her freehand. “T-Thanks…”

[novawritesthingsss]

I mean im not done but this is way too good looking to NOT post the WIP

Tws: none

(Oh and just for context Alex goes my he/she and Celeste they/them!)

Alex can't remember the last time he went out to the mall. Most of the time he was dragged to the cafe because Janette refused to go anywhere else, which Alex didn't blame her for. He knew how it felt going to crowded places, where it's hard to feel safe, or places you never went. She could practically feel the anxiety radiating when he only mentioned the suggestion of going somewhere new to Janette.

But with Celeste it was different. They seemed not to care where they were going, as long as they were meeting. To be honest their lack of battle when deciding on where to go scared Alex, but he decided it was best not to mention it.

(And if Alex was being honest, meeting with Celeste was more… how to put it? Enjoyable than meeting with Janette. But Alex couldn't quite put her finger on why. It was better she just ignored the feeling for now.)

The two arrived together. They got some milkshakes and sat at a table in the food court.

Alex started the conversation.

“So Cele—”

“Why do you guys call me that?”

Alex shrugged, “I don't know, just a stupid nickname I made up. Then Annie stole it and it became less original.” Celeste nodded. “Oh, alrighty.” They thought for a moment before continuing “So do you like spooky stories?”

“Spooky how?” 

Celeste shrugged. “You know, those weird myths about creatures and stuff. Them roaming around, killing people and stuff at night? Sorry it's hard for me to explain thi-”

“No I understand what you are tryna say,” Alex interrupted, “Yeah I do like those types of myths. If I'm being honest, they bring me some kind of… calm… I guess.” Celeste smiled awkwardly “Yeah, me too. It's so weird. I think there's something wrong with me…” they followed the sentence with a weak laugh. Alex laughed back, admittedly it was quite an awkward laugh. Wait why was she feeling so awkward? It's only Celeste.

Celeste took a sip of their milkshake. “I'm glad you picked that place for milkshakes, this is really good.” Alex hummed “I knew you would like it, used to go there all the time.”

“What made you stop?” Celeste questioned. Alex shrugged “Just… didn't sit right with me going out on my own… I guess. Only sits right with me when I'm with friends and stuff, no idea why.”

Celeste opened their mouth to reply but then closed it. They paused for a while before reopening it “I understand.” They took another sip of their milkshake.

Alex stared at his, If he was being honest he wasn't quite in the ‘mood’ for a milkshake. In fact, he wasn't in the ‘mood’ for any kind of food or beverage, he never was. He doubted Celeste would notice.

“Hey Alex, why haven't you touched your milkshake?”

She stands corrected.

“Uh… not really in the mood for it I guess. Too full” that was a lie.

“What did you eat before this?”

Alex didn't answer.

“I see…”

Celeste cleared their throat. “Well we would need to do something with it so then it doesn't melt into chocolate soup.” Alex stayed silent for a while before replying. “Fine, I'll have it. It's not exactly the best thing to have for a ‘lunch’ but at least it's something…”

“You didn't eat when you came home? But we skipped lunch-” “I know, I know. It was a stupid decision. Just didn't really wanna have anything from my house.”

“Oh alright.”

The two slipped at their milkshakes for a while. Both not exactly sure what to say. To get closer, Alex scooted his seat a little closer to Celeste. He noticed how uncomfortable this could have made Celeste so she decided to move back. Just before he could though, Celeste stopped him, claiming that they ‘didn't mind’ and that they ‘liked him nearby’.

Alex nodded and went back to drinking his milkshake.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I like your hair?” Celeste questioned. Alex shook his head. “I don't think so… but why?” Celeste shrugged, “I don't know it's just that it looks very puffy, almost wanna touch it, but that's not respectful.”

“You could touch it if you really want to.”

“Oh really?” “Yeah go ahead.”

“It's really fluffy, wow.” Alex smiled “Yeah…” Celeste took their hand off of his hair and smiled back. They were smiling at each other for a good 5 minutes before Celeste broke eye contact. “Sorry that was weird-” “No it's fine.” Alex assured. “Oh.” Celeste hesitated, “Do you mind if I lean on you? I'm kinda cold and you're kinda a human heater.” Alex shook his head. “No, I don't mind.”

“Oh, that's good.”

Celeste let themself fall onto Alex’s shoulder, letting their head rest near his neck.

“Damn you are cold…” Alex mumbled. Celeste hummed in agreement, “Some call me an ice cube.”

“I mean, you do love wearing blue—  heck even your hair is dyed blue.” “Yeah…blue hair and pronouns—” “The hair does suit you though.” “Thanks.”

“Wait, am I allowed to hug you?” “Uh… sure.”

Alex took one of his arms and wrapped it around Celeste’s waist. “Human heater…” they mumbled.

“You're cute.” Alex said without thinking.

“Wha?” “Nothing.” “No, I heard you. It definitely wasn't nothing.”

“Shush child.” “If it makes you feel better I think you're cute too.”

Alex’s face flushed. “Oh.” Celeste chuckled weakly, “What? I can not lie to you do look cute.” Alex covered her face with her freehand. “T-Thanks…”

[novawritesthingsss]

Sleeping Habits

Tws: fainting

[Ao3 link]

Ivy hadn't slept in days, and it was beginning to become a big problem.

(Whumptober fic! I used multiple prompts- Ive worked pretty hard on this so I hope you enjoy)

Lunar was making hot chocolate in the kitchen, thinking about her girlfriend, Ivy. She has grown quite worried for Ivy, as she's been noticing that Ivy has been up at late hours, and that she looks like she hasn't slept in a while.

She tried to make her go to sleep, but nothing worked. Ivy always ignored her attempts, no matter how direct they were. Heck, Lunar even tried giving her decaf, but Ivy simply didn't drink it, no matter what Lunar told her she would do. She just hoped Ivy at least slept today.

“Hey Luny!” She snapped out of her thoughts. “Hum? Oh, hi Sunny'' She waved at them. “Is that-'' Lunar interrupted her. “It's hot chocolate, I swear.” Sunny hummed. “Good. Glad you remembered your promise.” Lunar chuckled. “Yep, no coffee for me. I wouldn't want to face you and Kat’s ‘wrath’.” they smiled “Ha, I know. Me and Kat are so scary.” 

“I mean you kinda are, Sunny,” Nova added, entering the room. “I mean, Sunny, you're so strong. Why wouldn't one be scared of you?” Sunny scoffed. “Nova, it's not like I'm going to hurt you. Why should you be scared?.” Nova frowned. “It's not like I don't have a reason to… you know how it was back then. Anyone, even other magic users can turn on you…” Sunny tilted their head. “Is there a reason to not trust me?” Nova shrugged. “No, not really. It's just my anxiety carrying into this century.”

Nova jumped up onto the counter. “So any ideas on what we should have for breakfast.” Lunar shrugged. “Most likely pancakes. We got a lot left over, I definitely made too many yesterday.”

“You were in the pancake-making mood, what use was it to stop you? And they were good.” Sunny reminded. “Yeah, maybe even better than Kat’s!” Nova added. Lunar shrugged “I don't know guys… I didn't think they were that good-”

Thud

Lunar jumped. “What the-”

“IVY HOLY SHIT-” 

Lunar’s blood ran cold. “Kat? What happened with her-”

“Guys we need your help!” Saturn called out. The three ran into the living room. Lunar gasped “Oh no. Not again-”

“Again?! She fainted before?!” Nova cried out. The sound of their shouting made Lunar flinch “Hey Nova, I think you should-” Nova cut her off “Calm down? I can't! My sister is fucking unconscious on the couch!” Lunar sighed “We don't even know what exactly happened to her yet-”

“She fainted,” Kat stated “I think we all know why.” Nova shook her head. “Well I don't so— what happened?!” Saturn propped up Ivy, so then she was leaning on the couch. “Haven't you noticed how tired she looked? I'm sure she hasn't slept in days.” Nova frowned. “I mean I did but— she promised that she’d sleep… she lied”

“She does that a lot y'know, it's so you didn't worry about her. Her words, not mine.” Sunny added. Nova grumped. “She knows I hate that!” she took a deep breath “Is she gonna be alright— How long did it take last time— will she be ok— what happened last time— What do we-”

“Hey hey hey… Nova relax…” Lunar cooed. “What do you mean relax—” Nova was cut off by Sunny picking her up, holding her in a bridal carry. “Sunny what are you doing…!?” Sunny didn't respond. Lunar watched as Nova was carried upstairs. Once they were out of view, Lunar’s focus shifted back to Ivy.

“So do we wait or…?”

Ivy jumped awake. “Agh— my head. What just happened??” Kat sighed. “You fainted.” Ivy chuckled weakly “Oh shit. Um, sorry about that-” Saturn cut her off. “When was the last time you slept?” Ivy shrugged. “I haven't slept in days, but who's counting??” Lunar frowned. “Ivy-”

Ivy cut her off “I know, I know! Geez!” Lunar put a hand on Ivy’s shoulder, she shook it off. “Don't touch me. Leave me alone.”

“But Ivy—”

“Don't ‘Ivy’ me.” Ivy began to walk away.

Lunar reached out her hand, not wanting Ivy to leave. But it was too late.

Ivy already left the living room.

✿

“Sunny what the fuck!? Put me down!”

“Ok.” They plopped her onto her bed. Nova crossed her arms. “Why did you do that?” Sunny sighed. “So then you could calm down.” “Well I'm far from calm!”

“I know that! Will you shut up for one second!”

Nova paused. “Sorry…” Sunny tilted their head. “For what?”

“Being annoying?”

Sunny sighed “You're not being annoying it's just— can you lemme speak?” Nova nodded. “Thanks,” Sunny shifted their tone before continuing, “Look Nova. This happened before, we got this. We know what we are doing and there is no reason to worry. I get why you are worried but can you please trust us?”

Nova frowned. “I don't even know what happened last time, so how would I be able to trust you guys on that?” 

“‘Last time’, Ivy fainted in front of us. We made sure she was alive and well. We kept a closer eye on her once we found out it was out of exhaustion.”

Nova grumped. “I'm still worried…” Sunny gave Nova a smile. “She’ll be fine. Trust us.”

“Fine.”

✿

“Ivy, come on. Open up.” Lunar continued to knock on the door.

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I'll open the damn thing, just stop KNOCKING. You know I HATE that sound.”

“sorry…”

Ivy opened the door. “What is it?” Lunar rubbed her neck. “I wanna talk.” Ivy sighed. “Lemme guess. It's about earlier, isn't it?” Lunar grimaced “Yeah, it is. Ivy, can you please explain why you're not sleeping?” “Simple, nightmares. Don't wanna deal with them.”

“You know you could always come to us when they happen, right?”

Ivy shrugged. “It happens too often for that. I don't want to bother you with my feelings.” Lunar glared at her, “Ivy, that's not healthy.” 

“I know…”

“Ivy you don't gotta hide your feelings from us, you know that right?”

“I rather hide them, so then you don't worry about me.”

“Ivy, if I worry about you it's for a good reason, you should want me to worry. It means I care.”

Ivy paused. “Oh. I didn't think of it that way.” Lunar smiled at her. “Look, tonight you should sleep with me. So then if you have a nightmare, I will be right there to help you through it.”

“Fine. I'll do it. For you.”

[novawritesthingsss]

screenshot

[novawritesthingsss]

Random line from smth im writing (I wanted a brake from "Sketches")

—

Imani sighed. She never got the chance to tell Jade how she really felt, and now she was way too afraid to do it. She felt like such an idiot. She didn't believe that she was so stupid to date a guy like that. She only ever did it because he ‘seemed cool’, and also because she wanted to seem like she was straight. Turns out he was just a dick. An abusive dick. She was lucky that Jade was there, or she might not have made it out of the relationship without her. 

[novawritesthingsss]

another snippit ig

idk im kinda over today

✿

“Um, Ivy. What are you drawing now if you don't mind me asking.” Saturn questioned. “Scars. Not for any concerning reason though. Just wanna practice them right now.” Saturn hummed. “It's getting quite late Sat.” Ivy reminded. Saturn sighed. “I know but-” Ivy cut her off. “Sat, the entire point of us being here together is so we make sure we take care of ourselves. You not sleeping is against our agreement. Sat, you need to sleep. I can tell you're tired.” Saturn sat up from her bed. “Yeah but I gotta take care of you too!” Ivy sighed. “I'm sleeping with you tonight. You already know that. You take care of me by sleeping. Heck my sleeping bags’ right there.” Saturn groaned. “But I wanna stay upppp-”

“Aren’t you like- three years older than me?” “Wow Ivy.” “Come on, let's go.” Saturn got up. “Fine.” Ivy watched as Saturn went into the bathroom.

“Don't take too long!”

[novawritesthingsss]

Sketches (WIP I'm working on, pt.1)

TWs: Tell me if I need to add

[No link yet-]

Ivy sat flat on her bed, bored out of her mind. Ever since she had been reincarnated she had been too scared to write shit. She didn't have any more hobbies so now she was stuck without anything to do. 

Ivy heard a knock at her door. "Hello?" She called out. "It's Sunny, and Saturn. We just want to talk." Ivy sighed. "Why do I have to get up now…" she mumbled. She cracked open the door slightly, peering out of the opening. "We uh… got you some food." Saturn held up a bag of food. "Saturn, what is this about…" Ivy questioned. "I might have told Sunny about your… eating habits…" "Saturn what the heck-" Sunny cut her off. "Ivy, this isn't about that. But I do want you to eat this. I just have a question for you." Ivy moaned. "What is it?" Saturn cleared her throat "Why don't you write anymore?" Ivy paused. "Um… excuse me?"

"You used to write a lot— heck you wrote an entire book! What happened to that?" Saturn questioned.

"Trauma involving an axe to my neck."

"Oh… sorry."

"It's whatever I guess... What did you get me?" Ivy asked. Sunny looked inside the bag. "Um… Fries and a burger…" Ivy grumbled. "I'm not eating all of that." Sunny frowned. "I know. I was planning to split some of the burger with you…" Ivy raised her eyebrows.

"Oh."

Sunny gave Ivy the fries. Ivy began to snack on the fries. Unfortunately for Ivy, the only food she couldn't resist was fries, no matter how much salt was on it. It sickened her. 

"So, is that it? Are you just going to watch me eat?" She questioned. Sunny looked away from Ivy. "Well yes and no. We have an idea for you." That further confused Ivy. "An idea?" She echoed. "Yes, an idea. Saturn, give her the things." Saturn handed her a bag.

Ivy dug through the bag and pulled out a sketchbook. She set the book aside and peaked inside the bag. "Pencils? Erasers? Guys what is this about?" Sunny rested their hand on their neck. "Well… my therapist gave me an idea. She said that I should try things like drawing or writing instead of resorting to drinking or any other thing that would harm me. I thought that this could also work for you. Cus' Lunar told me you used to write in order to cope with your emotions."

"Like a replacement for writing," Saturn added. Ivy wiped her hands. "Lemme give it a try then." Ivy started sketching a picture of a ball. She then shaded the ball. "Is this good?" She turned the sketchbook towards the others. 

"Not bad."

"Oooh”

"Thanks."

Ivy started to sketch out a head. She looked up at Sunny for reference. She glided the pencil across the page until something similar to Sunny’s face appeared. She turned her sketchbook towards Sunny. Sunny hummed in confusion. "What— oh! Wait, that's pretty accurate. When did you learn to draw like that?" Ivy shrugged. "I've always liked doodling the creatures I researched… well used to. There wasn't enough paper to doodle on here." "Well now there is! Your sketchbook!" Saturn reminded.

"Oh— right!"

[novawritesthingsss]

I wrote more- Im sorry-

[ao3 link for 1st chapter]

Part 2

Mia locked the door behind her. “Ok so i'm going to need you to explain.” She started. Ivy sighed. “Please… I need a moment….” They took some deep breaths. “So… Mew and her normally meet after school. This was wednesday-”

“TWO DAYS AGO? THAT'S REALLY SOON IVY. I BROKE UP WITH HER SATURDAY!” “I KNOW! She’s convincing, ok?!?”

Mia paused. “Ivy… did you want to do that.”

“Lemme finish the story! I'll answer it then!”

Ivy cleared their throat. “Like I was saying. We were both feeling off… because well… You broke up with her and I broke up with Cherri.” Mia nodded. Ivy continued. “Then she started flirting with me, but like in a joke-y way. So then I did it back. We were both laughing.”

“So when does the making out start?”

“I'm like right there. Hold on.” 

Ivy continued. “So then she said something about missing your lips. So I joked, It was very clear I wasn't being serious; That she could have mine. She sat up, looked at me DEAD IN THE EYES, and said it was a good idea and that we should try it! I, of course, looked back at her with a blank expression. Then she gets closer and tries to convince me to do it. Of course, my people-pleasing ass agreed to it! Then boom, suddenly I was under her, and her hands were under my shirt.” “Did you want it?” Mia questioned. Ivy glanced away. “No… not really… Only did it for her…” Mia frowned. 

“Did you even enjoy it?” 

Ivy shook her head. “I didn't hate it but… I don't know if I could say enjoy…”

“Ivy…”

Boys sleepover (Plus females!) Part 1

This is a full-on crack au Ft. my oc's

also, this isn't very funny in my opinion.

[No ao3 link :(]

Mia knocked on Liam's door. This was the first time she was invited to a sleepover. Nethertheless a boy’s sleepover. 

Liam’s boyfriend; Rex, opened the door. “Oh hey Mia!” He waved at her. Mia waved back. He stepped aside so then Mia could fully enter. “All right. So one more to go!” Liam called out. Mia dropped her stuff down next to the couch. “One more? But I thought everyone was already here. I mean we got Rex, you, Felix, Xavier… you said that was it!” “Yeah you did say that was it…” Felix added. Liam chuckled. “Shit right! I invited Ivy at the last minute.” Mia raised an eyebrow. “Ivy? Why?” Liam shrugged “I like Ivy, besides… She's been more quiet lately and I'm concerned. They’ll most likely bring their laptop and write in the corner or something.” Mia sighed. “Alright.”

Xavier patted a seat next to him. Mia smiled and sat next to him. “How have you been since the breakup?” Mia hummed. “With Emily? I've been well… it's kinda weird without her-”

“Wait, you broke up with Emily? Why?” Felix cut in. “It just… wasn't working out. It felt off.” Mia replied. Rex frowned. “That's why she's so quiet… isn't it?” Mia nodded.

The doorbell rang. “I'll get it!” Felix called out. 

It was Ivy. Mia noticed that Ivy did have a computer in hand. Ivy was very tense. She waved at everyone except Mia. She then moved to a corner close to where Liam and Rex were. “Ivy are you alright?” Liam asked.

“Yeah I didn't do anything. I'm fine-” 

“What do you mean you didn't do anything, we didn't excuse you anything.” Mia asked. Ivy tensed “I didn't do anything ok Mia? I'm sorry-” Mia noticed Ivy’s breathing accelerating.  “Ivy?”

“I-I-I…. Emily….” Ivy stammered out. Mia furrowed her brows. “You and Emily what?”

“Me and Emily made out. It was her idea, not mine! I only did it for her!” Ivy confessed.

“WHAT?!” 

[novawritesthingsss]

Boys sleepover (Plus females!) Part 1

This is a full-on crack au Ft. my oc's

also, this isn't very funny in my opinion.

[No ao3 link :(]

Mia knocked on Liam's door. This was the first time she was invited to a sleepover. Nethertheless a boy’s sleepover. 

Liam’s boyfriend; Rex, opened the door. “Oh hey Mia!” He waved at her. Mia waved back. He stepped aside so then Mia could fully enter. “All right. So one more to go!” Liam called out. Mia dropped her stuff down next to the couch. “One more? But I thought everyone was already here. I mean we got Rex, you, Felix, Xavier… you said that was it!” “Yeah you did say that was it…” Felix added. Liam chuckled. “Shit right! I invited Ivy at the last minute.” Mia raised an eyebrow. “Ivy? Why?” Liam shrugged “I like Ivy, besides… She's been more quiet lately and I'm concerned. They’ll most likely bring their laptop and write in the corner or something.” Mia sighed. “Alright.”

Xavier patted a seat next to him. Mia smiled and sat next to him. “How have you been since the breakup?” Mia hummed. “With Emily? I've been well… it's kinda weird without her-”

“Wait, you broke up with Emily? Why?” Felix cut in. “It just… wasn't working out. It felt off.” Mia replied. Rex frowned. “That's why she's so quiet… isn't it?” Mia nodded.

The doorbell rang. “I'll get it!” Felix called out. 

It was Ivy. Mia noticed that Ivy did have a computer in hand. Ivy was very tense. She waved at everyone except Mia. She then moved to a corner close to where Liam and Rex were. “Ivy are you alright?” Liam asked.

“Yeah I didn't do anything. I'm fine-” 

“What do you mean you didn't do anything, we didn't excuse you anything.” Mia asked. Ivy tensed “I didn't do anything ok Mia? I'm sorry-” Mia noticed Ivy’s breathing accelerating.  “Ivy?”

“I-I-I…. Emily….” Ivy stammered out. Mia furrowed her brows. “You and Emily what?”

“Me and Emily made out. It was her idea, not mine! I only did it for her!” Ivy confessed.

“WHAT?!” 

[novawritesthingsss]

Memories.

Tw: Substance/Alcohol abuse

[ao3 link]

Great Gods and goddesses, Sunny was a mess. Their head throbbed in pain. One more sip turned into half of the bottle. Half of the bottle turned into a full one. One bottle turned into two. Two into seven. Kat wasn't going to be happy.

Sunny thought they had more self-control but they didn't! Kat won't allow them to drink ever again. It's over. They promised they wouldn't relapse. But they did, and they did hard. It was worse than they ever did. They never drank this much before. But the memories wouldn't stop. 

They felt someone touch her back. They flinched violently. “Sunny relax, it's just me…” It was Kat. They were screwed. They buried their hands into their faces “N-n-n-no…. Kat… I- Shit! F-fuck! I-I…. Didn't mean to! I- Uh-” Kat cut them off. “Sunny relax. I'm not mad. Just… disappointed. Can you look at me?” Sunny’s head stayed buried. “Can you at least turn to me?” Kat begged. Sunny turned their body to Kat. “Thanks”

Kat gently removed Sunny’s hands. She then tilted Sunny’s head so that Sunny was looking at her. “See? Not mad. Why did you… drink… all of this?” “The memories.” “The Memories?” Kat echoed. Sunny nodded. “It hurts-” “The memories or your head?” “Both.”

Kat handed Sunny some water and a pill. Sunny took it. “Sunny,” Kat called out. “You promised you would come to me if they hurt that bad.” Sunny’s expression turned into an even more guilty one. “I didn't want to bother you with my problems.” “Sunny…” “I know.”

“You know I wouldn't mind if you came.” Kat reminded. “I Know… I'm sorry.” Sunny said sorrowfully. “Apology accepted— but Sunny, I'm not allowing you to drink anymore after this.” “I know.”

“Now come here. I want to know what exactly the memories were. You normally don't drink this much…”

“I'll tell you.”

——

 Sunny jolted awake in a cold sweat. Their words, her their(?)death. It all came back too fast. She They wanted it to stop, they needed it to stop. They threw off the blanket, cringing at the sight of their breasts. “ You're gonna do it again aren't you?” The Voice again.

“Shut up…” Sunny replied.

“You know I'm right. You're lying to yourself and you know it.”

“I'm not lying! This is who I am!”

“You're a bad liar. Go on, drink me away. I dare you.”

“Shut up!”

Sunny exited their room. Maybe she They could just wash their face? Maybe that would calm them down?

“You know that wouldn't work. You're so stupid.”Sunny splashed water into their face, in the hope that it would relax them a bit. Then they made the mistake of looking at themself.

“Wow, you're ugly. What does Kat even see in you?”

“Stop. Please…”

“Pathetic. You could do better.

“You're a liar. She likes me.”

“How can you be so sure?

Sunny froze. The voice might be right, what if Kat didn't like them? What if Kat was just using them? 

“No that can’t be right.” Sunny thought.

“Now you're in denial.”

“No I'm not- can you please just shut up!”

“You can't get rid of me.”

Sunny exited the bathroom. It was time to use the last remaining opinion. Sunny pulled out a bunch of bottles of alcohol.

“You're weak.” “I know.”

——

“So you hear…voices… in your head? Kat questioned. “Correct,” Sunny replied. “Oh. Sunny…” Kat rubbed Sunny’s shoulders. The two were now in her room. It was currently 6:28 AM.

Sunny leaned more into Kat. Kat began to think of a solution. She thought it sounded a lot like something she looked into on her computer. “Sunny, that sounds like something that needs to be diagnosed.” Sunny hummed in confusion. “What do you mean?” Kat sat up more. “It might be like a mental disorder or something… and the way you're coping with it is… really bad.”

Sunny hummed again. “I see…”

“So will you consider getting diagnosed?” “Once we find out what it might be— yes.”

[novawritesthingsss]

Oh btw im updating my fic so then new readers aren't deterred by bad grammer/writing. 2/3 done!

[novawritesthingsss]

Bandages.

Um... Miitopia fanfic!

Tw: Minor blood

[novawritesthingsss]

The aftermath.

TWs: Sh again, same as before.

[ao3 link]

Saturn screwed up, she screwed up badly. She ran to the bathroom and turned the sink on. 

The others would definitely find out. The blood was dripping everywhere. She grabbed a paper towel and wet it. She began to wipe the blood off.

She needed to calm down, come up with a plan. She could probably use a dry paper towel to stop the bleeding. She took two sheets of paper towel and wrapped it around her arm. That seemed to keep the blood from dripping.

She leaned against the bathroom door and slid down it. She was so tired. Maybe she did need rest. But she couldn't. She never could.

How could she hide this? Maybe she could use the hoodies that Kat gifted her? The sleeves were always too big for her, so it should hide her arms well.

She sat there until her arm stopped bleeding. Then she rolled up all of the bloodied paper towels and hid them in a clean one. She needed to go back to her room quietly, if they heard her then they would for sure find out.

They can't find out.

She opened the door slowly, then rushed back to her room and locked the door. She checked the side of the bed for her blade. There was blood on it. And it was staining the carpet under it. Saturn sighed. This would take a while.

—

After failing to fully get out the blood stain she resorted to covering it up with a nearby bin. She took the blade and ran to the bathroom to clean it. She wiped it down. Then she went back to her room and stored the blade in one of her drawers.

Even after all of that she still felt numb. She felt more numb than she ever did before. But this time she had a feeling to rely on. One last thing to prove she was alive.

Numbness.

Tw: Self harm, Self esteem issues.

[ao3 link]

Saturn couldn't sleep. She just couldn’t. It wasn't like she was going to try. It was useless, just like her. She was just going to end up in another nightmare, like she always did. God, she was pathetic. Why does she even try anymore? They don't need her anymore. Her entire existence was based on serving her, and she doesn't need her anymore. Her only purpose in life is gone. 

She felt numb, empty even. She had nothing left to do for them. Why do they still care for her? She would give anything to feel grateful, heck to even feel anything positive at all. She can't help but feel useless to them.

It's useless to do anything for them. It's always. ‘I'll do that for you Saturn.’ or ‘You didn't have to do that Saturn’. She knows they mean well, she really does. It's not like she can't do anything ever. But they keep on saying that she's ‘doing too much for them’ and that she should ‘get some rest’ but she can't. She already knows she can't rest.

She can't eat without feeling she should be doing something. She can't lay in bed without thinking she's wasting time. She always wants to do something for someone else. It's so tiring.

Maybe this would make her feel something for once. Not happiness. But anything is better than this. She raised the blade to her wrist. Great gods and goddesses this was stupid. But it was the only way. She couldn't back down now, she waited so long for this.

She jerked the blade to the other side, watching the blood drip down her hands. Then she did it again, and again, desperate to feel something, anything. Soon her whole arm was covered in cuts.

She felt worse.

[novawritesthingsss]

Numbness.

Tw: Self harm, Self esteem issues.

[ao3 link]

Saturn couldn't sleep. She just couldn’t. It wasn't like she was going to try. It was useless, just like her. She was just going to end up in another nightmare, like she always did. God, she was pathetic. Why does she even try anymore? They don't need her anymore. Her entire existence was based on serving her, and she doesn't need her anymore. Her only purpose in life is gone. 

She felt numb, empty even. She had nothing left to do for them. Why do they still care for her? She would give anything to feel grateful, heck to even feel anything positive at all. She can't help but feel useless to them.

It's useless to do anything for them. It's always. ‘I'll do that for you Saturn.’ or ‘You didn't have to do that Saturn’. She knows they mean well, she really does. It's not like she can't do anything ever. But they keep on saying that she's ‘doing too much for them’ and that she should ‘get some rest’ but she can't. She already knows she can't rest.

She can't eat without feeling she should be doing something. She can't lay in bed without thinking she's wasting time. She always wants to do something for someone else. It's so tiring.

Maybe this would make her feel something for once. Not happiness. But anything is better than this. She raised the blade to her wrist. Great gods and goddesses this was stupid. But it was the only way. She couldn't back down now, she waited so long for this.

She jerked the blade to the other side, watching the blood drip down her hands. Then she did it again, and again, desperate to feel something, anything. Soon her whole arm was covered in cuts.

She felt worse.