nswfit

[nswfit]

You got this!

I borrowed this title from Shaun T.  I started the 2nd week of Cize which is titled "You got this". And I really do. I actually feel that for once, I've found a program that I truly enjoy. I don't see it as exercise AT ALL!!! I just find myself looking forward to dancing. And now as I write that, I really hope I'm not speaking too quickly especially seeing how I don't make it past the 2nd week of any program. I'm really hoping I make it through the 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th. I feel like I will. I'm putting it out here. I saw an informational for Cize and actually watched it...lol. I'm looking forward to week 6 where this choreography for Chandelier by Sia. Maybe I'll feel as if I'm on So You Think You Can Dance...lol.

I also realized this morning, that while I did take before pics, I didn't bother to take measurements. I've done it so many times before and just thought to forget about it but then I noticed a slight difference in my abdomen area and was like "dang it, I should have taken measurements!" Just to make sure it's not just my imagination. 

My body is sore from yesterday's work out dance. I guess that's why dancers are so fit huh?

[nswfit]

Whew! Shaun T is no joke. I should know better by now. Gave #Cize a try tonight. Safe to say I like it. It’s different. I’m working out and having fun. #crazy8s #day1 #cizeitup #beachbody #shesback

[nswfit]

2 years ago...

Facebook likes to remind you of posts that occurred on that same day a year or more ago. It just so happened that I was reminded of this picture:

This was me 2 years ago (2014) at a coworkers backyard gathering. I was a little over 2 months into Atkins and lost approximately 16 lbs. I was noticing the weight loss and so was everyone else. At this time I was struggling with food. At this particular gathering there was pizza. And beer. I told myself one day was ok. Well...I’m not sure what happened after that but according to my records, by month 5 I gained around 8 lbs. 8lbs is so close to 10 right which is even closer to the 15 that I originally lost. 

I don’t look like that now. I gained the 16 back and then some. Stress from relocating and being in a new program and dealing with a daughter that has health issues of her own...the weight just piled on. And now as of Oct 1, 2016 I am 237 lbs. This is a picture that was taken of me while I was in NJ over the summer: 

I know it’s all about self love these days and being body positive and shit, but I feel disgusted. I don’t see sexy when I look at that picture. I don’t even see cute for that matter. That’s my truth. I own up to that. When I saw that picture I was so unhappy. Like how the fuck did I get there? Well I know but...I’m still asking. 

So know, thanks to FB reminding me of previous progress and comparing that to where I am now, its time to make a change. 

[nswfit]

I haven't worked out since August 9th. This is going to be tough getting back into the game. I will definitely have to start out slow to build my stamina again.

[nswfit]

In 1 month I’ll be 36 years old. And I’m not where I want to be. I’m tired of struggling with this weight loss thing. I follow countless fitspo accounts on IG and Tumblr. I’m inspired by them all yet I don’t have enough dedication to commit to working on myself.

I see so many women who started out even bigger than where I’m starting from and they managed to make it to their goal weights. What the fuck am I doing wrong?

I’m not sure if this is my “fed up” moment but I’m ready to make a change (or a few). I feel like I’ve had a few of those already but maybe because I’m closer to becoming another year older it’s hitting me hard.

Where does your motivation come from? How do you stay committed? Whatever it is and however it comes, I hope I get it. I refuse to be here again a year from now.