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obaex · 17 hours

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THE ROLLERCOASTER I HAVE JUST BEEN ON! 🗣️

First of all, the wedding? Amazing. I’m crying. So happy for them. Forever in love with JB & Sarah and such a PERFECT setting for a REUNION!!! <33

“And so during the ceremony, the both of you switched between being good friends and paying full attention, and being lovesick, longing, needy and desperate for one another, soaking up all the little changes that you could spot with a year difference and all the familiarities that you have loved for far too long but never expressed.”

UGH! Weddings just give you all the feels!!! Not them eyeing eachother the whole time 😩😩😩😩

“So that kind of felt like a personal attack, huh?”

Yes. It did. 😅

“He didn’t deserve you anyway.” JJ whispered, voice so quiet you almost didn’t hear him, but the fact is you did and it tugged right on your heartstring.”

*Giggling manically*

“I had a crush on you that first summer.” Belting out the words, you felt relieved while also panicked, because there was no taking them back. You watched as JJ’s eyes slightly widened, but kept his composure straight and kept together as his lips fell slightly agape.”

🙊

“The moment I heard that accent of yours, I was a goner, doll. A complete fool.”

“If you want me to stop, you gotta tell me now, pretty girl.” JJ pulled away for a second, several minutes into your teenage-like makeout session, his lips now wandering your neck as you pushed yourself into him more, as a confirmation of your intentions.”

“JJ. I can walk, you know!” You laughed, as you made no effort to wiggle yourself out of his arms, giggling as he looked down at you with a smirk that you missed so much it nearly broke your heart all over again.”

“Hopefully not for much longer, doll.” He breathed suggestively”

I AM FLOATING ON AIR!!!!!

I AM GIGGLING!!!!!

I am sliding down my bannister and singing into my hairbrush!!!!!!!

Happy weekend to all of us!!!

I am ecstatic for the next part!

(Thank you for resuscitating us after part 2 ☠️)

When Summer Ends - JJ Maybank- Part 3

Pairing: JJ Maybank x British!Girl!Reader Word Count: 8.2K Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, being drunk, allusions to smut (no actual smut content)

Special mention to my bestie @mvybanks who has the best fic writing brain ever and helped me sm with this chapter because your girl was losing inspiration, ily mwuah<3

Part 1 Series Masterlist

Summer 2023

You twirled around in your pretty dress, in front of the large mirror as you admired the way the fabric hugged you. The pastel pink tull was dreamy, soft and all things that would normally bring a smile on your face as you admired it; but today it only caused a panging ache behind your ribcage.

You took a step away from the mirror and walked towards the large open window of the hotel room, turning your attention instead towards the beautiful scenery of Kildare, the sounds of the waves and playful seagulls and allowed the slight chill of the wind to engulf your very being. Maybe the air wasn’t chilly after all, not more than any other first weekend of June that you have been here before; but the warmth radiating within you was the very thing that was missing this time round instead. The warmth that you otherwise known as wild blonde locks of hair, dimples that came hand in hand with a cheeky smile, palms caressing down your arm. And although normally you would have a whole summer, this summer was like no other.

You haven’t seen or spoken to JJ Maybank since that argument last August and admitting the truth to these words cut deep within your heart. You weren’t even sure he knew you were here now; after all the invitation didn’t come from him.

The aftermath of last summer seemed to all be a blur, your mind working overtime to erase the painful images. You knew you were a shadow of yourself for a long time though, never quite forgiving yourself no matter how much your friends on the other side of the world tried their best to tell you it was okay. Maybe it was okay to them, but you knew it was not okay to the one that mattered most.

It was unwilling that you began distancing yourself from the rest of them, from everyone really. The calls with Kiara became shorter, the messages in your group chat slowing down.

Until one day, sometime in January you received a letter, with fancy beading - none other than a wedding invitation from Sarah and John B. You remember it just like yesterday, the way a gasp fell from your lips and your hand covered your mouth in shock, tears falling from your eyes immediately, running around to find your phone and starting a video call without thinking twice.

When Sarah accepted the call, her huge smile told you she knew the reason, and when you held up the envelope silently, the pair of you shrieked and jumped around like excited children, tears spilling down both of your cheeks as you begged for all the details and talked for hours. Just when you thought you had stopped crying, Sarah asked you to be a bridesmaid alongside Kiara, opening you to another round of screams and inviting the floodgates to reopen. Of course, you said yes and that night you booked your tickets to arrive a few days before the wedding - taking place on the first Saturday of June, when you would always visit.

That night was a pivotal moment for your friendship with the pogues. It felt like a written confirmation that you were wanted by them, loved by them and most of all forgiven by them - for the first time allowing you to forgive yourself a little, even if not completely.

It felt good, finding yourself again, digging yourself out of the hole you found yourself in. You felt like you had clarity once again, that you belonged with these people. They were meant for you and you would do anything to keep them close to your heart.

But behind all this happiness and peace, there was still a little corner of your heart that was empty, a gaping black hole that was eating away at the rest of your organ, like a monster feeding on all things good and precious, wanting, needing to destroy your smiles. That was the part of you that missed JJ so deeply, some days you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

And that was the part of you that dictated the beating of your chest today as you hugged your arms around yourself, eyes fixated on the beach, the place that always made you feel better, the place that truly felt like home, even if your physical house was thousands of miles away. Not for long though, you hoped.

The creaking of the door pulled you out of your thoughts, and even within your sorrow your eyes lit up and lips pulled into a huge smile as you gazed upon the fluffy white fabric engulfing the blonde girl entering your space with matching expressions. Having flown in only late last night, you haven’t had the chance to see anyone yet, making it all the more exciting.

“There she is!” She laughed as you stepped closer to her, pulling her into a huge hug excitedly, the pair of you jumping around a little.

“Stop jumping Sarah, I swear if you break your heels before you walk down that damn aisle..” Kiara stepped foot in the room, eyes bulging, the vein on her forehead popping out with visible stress, making you stop in your tracks as you bit down on your lip to keep your giggle at bay.

“So happy you’re here though.” Kie tilted her head as she walked over to you, pulling you into a tight hug, making you laugh at how easily she switched up her attitude.

“Sarah, you look stunning. This dress is everything.” You gasped as you signalled for her to twirl around, the girl happily doing so as you praised her. You looked over at Kiara, a matching dress draped over her figure as you whistled at her playfully.

“You clean up nice, Carerra.” You knocked her shoulder a little, her giving you a playful shove before returning the compliment. A moment later a man wearing a suit walked by the open door, holding a few bouquets of flowers, causing Kiara’s brows to shoot up and her jaw to fall slack.

“Hey. You’re going the wrong way! The flowers are going in the garden…” Before you could say anything, she was out the door, racing towards the poor hotel worker who was now under her mercy.

“She’s been a little overexcited.” Sarah laughed, causing you to tilt your head back in amusement.

“You don’t say.” You grinned in return. You looked at each other for a while in silence, until Sarah tilted her head and looked at you with a serious expression.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, her question causing your stomach to sink and the air to leave your lungs, bringing you back to reality.

“Me? You’re the one getting married!” Trying your best to avert the attention from yourself you joked, but your hoarse, strained voice gave away your nerves.

“You know what I mean.” Sarah lowered her voice as she pulled her lips into a sad smile, causing you to sigh and close your eyes for a second.

“I don't know, Sar. Nervous? Terrified? He hates me.” You averted your gaze from her as you bit your lip, brows furrowing.

“He doesn’t hate you.” Sarah reached out, holding onto your arm and looking for your eyes, sending you an honest, serious look when you allowed her to find them.

“Come on, Sarah.” You scoffed humorlessly, knowing better than to believe these words that you engraved in your mind for far too long to know otherwise.

“I mean it. You haven’t seen him the way I have. Trust me. He does not hate you.” She nodded meaningfully, begging you to believe her, but there was no way she could convince you. You opened your mouth to argue back, but you saw Kiara emerge from your peripheral vision, your attention diverting to her instead.

“Right ladies. Hate to break this up but…we got to get you married.” She stood in front of you both, an excited smile creeping up on her face as you all exchanged looks, your expression mirroring each others until you erupted in another group of shrieks, before hooking your arms around one another, and leaving the hotel room to go outside where the ceremony would take place.

It wouldn’t have been Sarah, a girl born and raised in the outer banks if she didn’t have her wedding take place on the beach. The set up was something your dreams were made of; the sand sweeped into a makeshift aisle, white chairs on either side tied with white tull, and a huge flower arch with a small, round white table at the end. It was all breathtaking as you made your way around it all alongside Kiara, who stopped occasionally to straighten some chairs out, taking her maid of honour duties very seriously.

“I never took you for a bridezilla.” You joked, as she sent you a squinted look, clearly not amused by your words.

“Seriously. This all looks beautiful. Sarah will be so happy.” You whispered in her ear as you both assumed your positions on the side, as a few early guests started filling the chairs. Kiara sent you a thankful look as she let out a deep breath, and allowed her shoulders to drop, now that she was here, letting go of the stress of the preparations and ready to enjoy the ceremony.

You watched as more seats filled, and soon enough you spotted Pope who was of course one of the groomsmen, emerging from the hotel and walking towards the pair of you, your heart rate growing slightly more erratic knowing what his appearance would mean. As he got closer and spotted you, he sent you a happy smile and a wave, standing on the opposite side of the arch, while you returned his gesture and did a little curtsy, showing off your dress that he gave a thumbs up to and did a little twirl for you in his suit, making you giggle.

That giggle soon caught in your throat when you spotted him in the distance, walking towards the three of you. Your eyes glazed over and suddenly it felt like everything was happening in slow motion. You felt your heart jump, stomach sink, chest get winded, hands grow clammy as if it was all happening in overdrive. Your lips fell agape the moment he met your eyes, his own widening before he bit down on his lip and looked down at his feet instead, his action causing you to scrunch your nose in disappointment, but you weren’t capable of taking your eyes off his perfect frame.

It was as if everything else around you disappeared and suddenly a magnetic pull overtook your entire being, growing stronger with every step of his in your direction, until he finally stood beside Pope, but nowhere near close enough to you, that pull faltering and begging for your body against his, the realisation that you can’t fulfil your wish making your fingertips itch.

He looked ethereal, in his black blazer that was hanging unbuttoned, his tie hugging his neck and crisp white shirt, trousers that fit his figure so perfectly your throat grew dry. He looked somewhat older, that kind of ‘carrying the world on his shoulders’ old that you were unfamiliar with, but beneath it all, you recognised his boyish features that you thought of every night when you closed your eyes. In truth you couldn’t believe he was here.

And you weren’t the only one that had these thoughts. JJ couldn’t believe you were back here, that very same weekend he grew to love for two years but learned to hate on the third, not expecting to come face to face with your beautiful, painful face.

“Did you know she was going to be here?” He leaned in towards Pope, muttering his question while actively avoiding your eyes because he just couldn’t, he wasn’t ready.

“Yeah, man. Did we not tell you?” Pope turned his head enough to meet JJ’s ear and leaned back to find his eyes with amusement filling them, as JJ’s grew dark and displeased at the revelation.

“Funnily enough no, you didn’t.” He grumbled to his friend, then turned his frame forwards, busying his shaking hands by buttoning his blazer up and smoothing the material down, until he made the terrible mistake of looking forward, coming straight into sight with your eyes and suddenly he felt sick, dizzy and faint. The look in your eyes, one mixed with adoration and fright caused his mind to spin, but as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t find it in him to look away. Everything he buried deep in the past year came up like a wave of tsunami, overpowering and unstoppable as he thought back to all your good times, that godforsaken kiss, the way your skin felt under his fingers, your laugh, your lies, that boyfriend of yours; and just like that he wanted to run far away from all his feelings, from you. He wanted to curse you and the world for making him so desperate for you, so longing and needy and he wanted to curse himself for not being able to forgive because right now he so badly wanted to.

The sounds of music snapped you both out of your shared gazed as you croaked your throat and shook your head a little, the motion causing you to find Kiara watching you with a small smirk on her face, that made you roll your eyes and refocus on the reason you were here - John B and Sarah’s wedding.

You watched smiling as John B walked down, giving you a small nod that you returned and waited in anticipation for Sarah to show; and when she did your breath caught in your throat and tears immediately started stinging your eye.

She looked radiant as she walked down, a pretty bouquet in her hands and eyes fixated on her groom, with the most luminous look of love in her face that tugged on your heartstring so tight, you thought she might pull it out of your chest whole. The two of you shared a kind smile, before she joined John B and allowed the wedding officiant to begin their speech.

You couldn’t help but steal a couple of looks of JJ the duration of the ceremony, your heart practically calling out for him in the midst of a love celebration, basking in his beauty. You couldn’t believe, after an entire year he was here, standing in front of you and your entire being was yearning to make it all right with him, the distance between you too unnatural.

JJ tried being hard and cold, he really did. But the moment he saw you smiling proudly at Sarah with tears in your eyes, his own softened and his heart started panging, not from hatred but of the need to comfort you. In truth, he hoped you would show today. He couldn’t be sure, after all you were no longer the topic of any conversation that he was part of, he wasn’t even aware if you kept in contact with anyone, the memory of you too painful to dig around for information. But now here you were and he wasn’t sure whether to avoid you or allow you back in. He knew what he wanted, but he knew even more the ache behind his ribcage, the one that never went away, not since your fight.

And so during the ceremony, the both of you switched between being good friends and paying full attention, and being lovesick, longing, needy and desperate for one another, soaking up all the little changes that you could spot with a year difference and all the familiarities that you have loved for far too long but never expressed.

“If I could have all your attention please.” The clinking of glasses pulled you out of your chatter as you sat around, in the beautifully decorated marque that stood on the sandy beach, accommodating all the guests for the reception. As everyone made their way back to their assigned seat, Kiara stood, holding a champagne glass that was handed out to each invited person for the first toast of the evening, from none other than the maid of honour.

Your eyes gazed at Kie, who gave you a soft smile, and croaked her throat one last time before focusing her attention on the speech she wrote, ready to celebrate the newlywed couple. The conversations around her died, every person now focusing on her with interest and you were so excited for all the words that would leave her lips.

“The first time I met Sarah, I hated her.” She started, gazing at the blonde girl with a smirk as the whole room erupted in a fit of laughter, including yourself, that slowly turned into sparkling eyes and a smile that rested on your face.

“She was all the things I wasn’t. A blonde princess, who had everything and who in no way could ever think I would be good enough for her to be friends with. Spoiler alert: Ten years later, I’m her maid of honour.” She continued, her words light but meaningful, so much so that you felt your throat tightening and your eyes glazing over as you had to divert your attention to your fidgety hands for a second.

“The first time I met John B, he and JJ were at the play park, digging the world’s biggest sand pit hole - or so they said.” She rolled her eyes, diverting her attention to the groom and the boy sat beside him, who threw his hands up in defence, with a lazy smile on his face.

“Their plan was to cover the whole thing with large leaves, threaded together for some innocent kid to fall in so they could have a laugh together. This really should have been a red flag for 7 year old me to steer clear of them.” You giggled, shaking your head in amusement and a small twinge of pain, imagining the pair of boys plotting such antics at their young age as you couldn’t keep your eyes away from the grown up JJ sat a few seats away from you.

“Except instead, I showed them how they can braid leaves together, and the three of us watched Bobby Steele fall in the hole and laughed until we cried. Just to clarify, we did help him out and buried the hole back up that evening, but he hated us all for the entirety of middle school.” Kie finished the story, opening her arms and smiling fondly at the memory, while the audience laughed along with the two mischievous boys who now shared a high five, further fueling the entertainment of those watching.

“I think one thing about love is that it knows no sense or circumstances. It knows no differences or similarities, no distance, no time of when or how you should meet those special people in your life; it just knows souls. And when, under one of the greatest cosmic mysteries, your soul meets another who so clearly is meant to get entangled with yours, you know you have no choice but to hold onto them tight and never let them go.” Her words now turned serious and the way she spoke so poetically about love in a way that hit so close to your heart, you felt your throat cut off all air, suddenly feeling like you were suffocating under the scrutiny of the entire universe. Your ribs and chest ached as you basked in her words, feeling them in their entire weight and symbolism as your eyes met JJ’s, who showed that same terrified, remorseful yet careful gaze that you felt behind yours and for the first time you felt like there might be hope for the two of you.

“Sarah and John B, I am forever thankful that my souls entangled with the both of yours and that I got to witness you find each other the way it was written in the stars. Even if you two were grossly cute sometimes.” Kie gave John B a little shove of appreciation and love, and you couldn’t help the way a small tear escaped your eyes, using the back of your hand to quickly wipe away at it.

“To Mr and Mrs Routledge.” Kie raised her glass and the entire marque erupted in claps and whistles before everyone collectively took a sip of alcohol in celebration of the new couple, while you didn’t stop there and finished your glass, reaching for the second one. Your eyes stung and every fibre of your body ached from the way the words cut so deep, wounding you anywhere and everywhere and you felt like you were bleeding out, taking your final breaths.

It was in that moment that you realised how deep your hurt really ran in the past year. You were a strong, strong woman, first and foremost but you were also sensitive, vulnerable and so madly in love with someone who now refused to talk to you because of a mistake you made and that kind of hurt can only be pushed below the surface for so long. The countless sleepless nights must have been on par with those that saw you falling asleep after crying for hours, but your heart never fully healed, not after all that release.

Your mind was spiralling as you stood up on shaky legs now that the surrounding sound of chatter was booming again, but you could barely make out any words from the way your blood pounded against your eardrums.

“Excuse me.” You mumbled to the people beside you as you took your first steps towards the opening of the tent, your legs carrying you mindlessly, in need of a moment and some fresh air. You took a deep breath as you got nearer to the coast, steering clear of people’s eyes, but you could hear the soft music and sound of laughs in the background, reminding you of the occasion.

It took a moment for your heart to stop racing and for your hands to stop shaking, concentrating on your breathing and levelling it out to the sound of the ocean waves that you adored almost more than anything else in your life.

“So that kind of felt like a personal attack, huh?” A familiar voice spoke behind you several minutes later, your mind now hazy and calm, forgetting where you even were, until that pang in your chest confirmed who was in your proximity, your head whipping round in record speed only to be met with him.

“JJ.” You forgot how good it was to hear his voice addressing you, your brain short circulating from the way he stood in front of you, hair moving effortlessly with the summer wind, hands pocketed in his dress trousers, blazer now abandoned and tie loosely draped around his collar, the crisp white shirt tucked in and you were sure he jumped out of one of your late night fantasies of him.

“Where is that boyfriend of yours? I haven’t seen him.” He asked, eyes searching your face and voice hoarse, as if it physically hurt him to speak those words to you. The mention of Joe twisted your own face into pain, remembering the real reason he doesn’t know.

“You know exactly where he is.” You whispered, eyes averting his gaze as your jaw ticked and nose scrunched before turning your eyes back on his - those beautiful blue eyes now filled with softness and a twinge of hope for the first time since you saw him this year.

“I didn’t like him.” Breathing out, you shrugged your shoulders, surrendering yourself to those words he spoke to you that hurt you so badly last time, but instantly knew were correct. In truth, you and Joe didn’t last another couple of weeks after returning back to England, but the damage had been done.

“That’s for sure an unexpected turn of events.” JJ croaked out, guarded and levelling his voice to sound snarky, but you couldn’t feel the drop of his stomach at the confirmation that you, his deepest desire, his girl was standing before him, single and God, gorgeous and perfect as ever. He felt himself get winded as he got drunk on these words and thoughts, unable to break eye contact with those eyes he thought of so often, begging to get the chance to see again, in anger and misery. And when he heard that scoff, a mixture of a laugh and a snort, he was sure he was falling in love all over again; and the wall he built around his chest started crumbling like a castle standing against a million bombs while he cursed his heart for the sheer effect you had on the stupid organ.

“Don’t be an ass.” You huffed out, crossing your arms to show your annoyance, but the tipping of your lips gave away that you weren’t really mad at his comment, even if you perhaps should have been.

“He didn’t deserve you anyway.” JJ whispered, voice so quiet you almost didn’t hear him, but the fact is you did and it tugged right on your heartstrings. A moment passed where you both just stared at each other, unsure where to go from here, the obvious hurt and betrayal still lingering in the air.

“I hate what we’ve become, J. I hated this past year.” Frustrated, you let your arms drop beside you and your brows pulled together, expression full of regret and sorrow, JJ could tell as much.

“Yeah, yeah me too.” He admitted as he let out a breath and allowed his fingers to run through his hair in frustration.

“I know I lied to you and there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about how sorry I am for that. I just hope that you can find it in yourself to forgive me.” In desperation, you allowed the words to tumble out of your lips as a cry and a prayer, wishing for nothing more than to turn back time and make it all go away, so that you never have to go a day without JJ in your life again. But you knew it wasn’t going to be this simple, which is why it didn’t shock you when JJ sent you a sad smile, his eyes full of a mixture of need and fear.

“Come on, we better get back to the party.” He mumbled as he reached for your shoulder, his fingertips brushing your naked skin for a second, leaving the area lit up with a fire and causing your breath to hitch at the sensation, as you nodded and started following him back towards the crowd.

It was obvious that the words you spoke affected him, he admitted that much; he just didn’t know what to do. Because on one hand, when JJ turned up late to say goodbye to you last year, he despised himself for the possibility that he missed the last chance to ever see you; but on the other, you lied. At this point, he wasn’t sure what hurt him more.

So as the pair of you stalked back to the party, JJ couldn’t find it in himself to be too far away from you, testing the waters with having his eye on you, feeling his body react to every one of your laughs, every gaze you gave him back.

The evening went just as any other wedding would; full of love, good food, enchanting conversations and mostly bubbly alcohol that enhanced your happy mood and emotions. Everyone was feeling it, the excitement of it swirling around in the air as more and more people shed frequent tears and how hands became more touchy with bodies around them.

You found yourself around a group of people, laughing along to some story that a woman you were unfamiliar with told, when you felt a palm on the small of your back, electricity buzzing through you instantly as your body reacted to him before your body could.

You turned your head, breath hitching at the sight of him, a lazy, comfortable smile on his lips as he looked ahead, his hand resting on you as if it was the most natural thing in the world, it made your head spin. This was the first time he gave you a small indication that the ice around him may be melting and although you were scared to get your hopes up, you couldn’t help the way your heart raced from exhilaration and anticipation.

“Why do you think you did it?” He leaned down, voice low, breath fanning your ear and causing you to visibly shiver, which JJ was way too pleased to experience.

“What?” You breathed out, leaning back a little and searching for his eyes. Your only focus was the blonde man standing in front of you now, not even noticing how the crowd around you started to fizzle out, each person slowly leaving and the conversation around you now nothing more than oblivious people’s background chatter.

“Lying about Joe. Why did you do it?” JJ asked, the question that truly haunted him all these months, the make or break factor to his heart and the potential forgiveness he could find within himself.

For a moment, you were frozen, the question catching you off guard and although you thought about it a lot, suddenly you couldn’t find the right words to express your feelings.

“And what happened to it? This crush.” His voice grew hoarse, as your admission swirled around in his mind, those words he wanted to so badly believe, knowing how much his heart yearned for you all this time.

“I thought it was just that. A silly little crush. So when I left that first time, and found Joe I thought he could be good and I was over you and I could learn to have feelings for him.” Your mind was hazy, blood beating behind your ear as the liquid courage allowed your words to fall endlessly. You vowed to yourself you would never lie ever again, it destroying the best thing you could’ve had, so there was no holding back.

“I think…I think I always knew I couldn’t have you. And Joe was there and he was nice and well…convenient. I guess I thought I could just go back to him and make do, you know? Except, it turns out I didn’t just have a little crush on you. It was a full blown crush that didn’t go away even in the second summer. So I knew I didn't want Joe anymore, not that I wanted him in the first place but…but couldn’t break up with him over the phone. I had every intention of calling it off when I got back and pretending it never existed. I just never thought he would turn up here.” The words that tumbled out were cruel and agonising, but most of all they were honest and JJ could tell.

You watched as he took a sip of his drink, eyes on you the whole time as he seemingly thought over the script you dumped on him. You couldn’t see within him to know his heart stopped beating altogether, a true mystery as to how his pulse still ticked. He always hoped the feelings he possessed for you were at least somewhat reciprocated - but coming from a neglected background he could never be too sure whether it was his imagination or reality. And yet here you were, admitting to having a ‘full blown crush’ on him, when all he had known was that he was a nobody all his life, but instead an ethereal creature like you saw something in him. How could he stay mad at you after such revelation?

“I get it. Could’ve still told me ‘bout it, but I understand.” He nodded and you could’ve sworn an entire mountain just got lifted off your shoulders. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as you gazed up at him, eyes soft, full of gratitude and that adoration you always held for him, as you noticed a tiny, small smile playing on the side of his lips.

Before you could hug him, hold his hand, thank him, do anything to show him just how much thankfulness you felt, your conversation got interrupted by the clinking of glasses, this time none other than the groom calling for a speech, which meant the pair of you got separated. Although you didn’t get to finish your conversation, your entire being felt lighter and for the rest of the evening, you were prancing around the venue with a shining smile on your face, knocking back one drink after the next until the fuzziness in your heart matched your brain due to the hazy feeling of the alcohol. Although you didn’t see JJ after the encounter, you felt like your world was finally whole again, knowing the two of you talked it out and can finally move on. Tonight turned into a celebration of the love of your own life.

It was after another round of chats and introductions that you felt a little too tipsy, desperate for a breath of fresh air again. As you walked out, the last thing you expected was to find JJ, crouched against the wall, sitting down, legs straight out in front of him with a drink in his hand as he looked deep in thought. You hesitated, but the liquid courage and the high you were on because of his approval, you allowed your legs to lead you his way as you carefully sat down next to him, careful not to stain your dress with any grass. The way you sat beside him left your shoulder melted against his, as he turned his head slightly, noticing it was you, which resulted in him throwing his head back and taking a deep breath.

“Do you remember that first night you came round to the Chateau?” JJ mumbled, eyes closed and a small smile crawled on your face from the sweetest memory you often thought of.

“Of course. It was one of my favourite nights ever.” You admitted, head turned closer to him as you let your head fall against his shoulder, the familiar feeling leaving you to close your eyes momentarily from contentment, as you listened carefully to where he was going with his question.

“The moment I heard that accent of yours, I was a goner, doll. A complete fool.” He shook his head, a smile playing on his own lips as he recited seeing you in his brain for the first time, never forgetting the pretty dress you wore around him, the way you threw your head back every time he made you laugh, the twinkle in your eyes from the stories he told.

Your heart rate picked up from his words, but you didn’t want to interrupt him, too curious, sacred and intrigued.

“But I think that kiss we shared that August was what made me fall for you, you know?” JJ spoke, his own mind filled with intoxication but most of all the scent of your hair and that sweet perfume you wore that clouded his best judgement, allowing his tongue to speak in a way that no longer connected to his mind. In the meanwhile, you felt like you were choking as he mentioned that kiss you were completely sure he never remembered, the kiss that kept you awake for many nights. You lifted your head, eyes showing horror as you gazed up at him, your reaction nothing shy of what JJ expected.

“Since that kiss, I have never stopped thinking about you. Sometimes I can still feel your lips on mine and it’s what reminds me I didn’t imagine the whole damn thing. Because now I know what it feels like to have you even for a second.” You parted your lips, wanting to talk but no sound came out as JJ watched your face pale and eyes cloud with fear.

“I’m sorry…we were both drunk - kind of like now, you probably don’t remember it - of course you don’t, I mean we never talked ‘bout it…” He rambled, slightly sobering up from your reaction as he tried his best to turn back his words, knowing the pair of you have only made up.

“I remember it.” You whispered, his spiralling waking you up enough to blurt out the words you never thought you would have to speak, as you watched JJ stop in his tracks, lips still parted but his brows now furrowed and eyes full of surprise as you felt compelled to continue speaking.

“JJ, of course I remember it. I just…I was sure you didn’t. After we woke up that morning, you said nothing.” You pull yourself a little further away from him, in desperate need to see his face properly, as you sat in complete disbelief.

“Neither did you! I just thought…you said you didn’t remember how we got home so I just thought..” He rambled as he threw his arms up in frustration, one hand now running through his rugged hair as you couldn’t help but freeze, lips parting further and further until your eyes crinkled and a chuckle fell from deep within you, causing you to clap a hand over your mouth, watching him for a moment. That was until JJ threw his head back and let out a throaty laugh, leading you to follow him until the pair of you were sitting beside each other, laughing loud like two drunk idiots, slapping your thighs and shaking from amusement for several minutes.

“I can’t believe all this time…” You started when you calmed down, still unable to find the words for the stupid miscommunication the two of you pulled, so typical and diabolical it hurt to even put into words.

JJ hummed as he shook his head one more time, then his eyes bore in on yours, deeply and you felt the shift in the atmosphere. He was no longer looking at you with light-heartedness, instead his gaze was filled with need, desperation, lust that made you squirm and look down at those lips you have been begging to taste again. JJ watched the whole thing play out, his hands growing more clammy as he had to swallow the gulp in his throat, while he leaned in closer. It felt familiar, the closeness of your body to his as your breath hit his cheek and he was begging the universe to let him carry on. You looked back to his eyes, now a stormy dark as you moved onto your knees, throwing your arms over his neck and pulled yourself close enough that his lips brushed yours, a sigh falling from your lips at the sensation.

“JJ..” You whispered, voice whiny and this was enough for him to take your mouth in his, in a frantic, frenzied, wild kiss that had him moaning your name and pulling you into his lap as his hands wandered everywhere, needing to know this was really happening. This was nothing like the first you shared; careful and tip-toeing around. This was desperate, a deep fire of need, inappropriate, filled with gasps of pleasure, your lip gloss smeared everywhere, his hair tousled under your fingers; one that you have never experienced.

“Please don’t stop.” You breathed out, meeting his eyes as he smiled so wide that it triggered your own lips to curve, in shock and disbelief that you were finally here, with him, getting exactly what you wanted.

“Come on. ‘M sure we won’t be missed.” He mumbled, pulling you off him just for a second, enough that he could stand up and you shrieked as he leaned forward and threw you into his arms, while he started walking towards the hotel where all of you had rooms booked for the night for the convenience.

“Hopefully not for much longer, doll.” He breathed suggestively, his words twisting your stomach with need as you couldn’t find the right response, instead playing with the bits of outgrown hair on his neck.

In the background, you heard all your friends whistling and clapping in between their shouts of celebration as you spotted them all celebrating the two of you leaving, making the both of you chuckle as JJ led the both of you indoors, towards the elevator, which the moment the doors closed were filled with sounds of deep breaths and messy kisses.

And when you ended up in JJ’s bed that night, limbs and souls entangled, your heart was so full of joy at your exchange of words and touches of love, you were scared it might stop beating alltogether.

The rays of sunshine poking through curtains brought you awake as your eyes popped open, the sleep you experienced suspiciously incredible as you sat up slightly in search of your phone. You glanced over for a second, your heart hiccuping as your eyes landed on JJ, his hips covered in the sheets, torso naked and beautifully displayed on the bed, right next to where you believed he belonged. Hair sprawled across the pillow, lashes fanning his cheeks and lips puckered, slightly open, the sight so magical you forgot why you were in such a rush the moment you woke up, wanting nothing more than to crawl back beside him - but there was no time.

You stood up, your cheeks heating thinking back to the events of last night as you reached for your discarded underwear and dress and when finally locating your phone, your eyes bulged when noticing the time - you were extremely late for your flight home!

“Shit.” You mumbled to yourself as you quickly pulled the dress over your head, grabbing onto your heels as you took one more glance at JJ, the slight headache pounding between your head reminding you to let him sleep in. You weren’t sure what last night meant to him, but you knew where you stood with him.

You ran to your room barefoot, the universe taking a chance on you as you didn’t bump into anyone on your journey back. The moment you got into your room, you ran to your suitcase and pulled out the first clothing items you could locate, tugging them on while reaching for your toothbrush and washing your face as best as you could. You ordered a car to the airport with your hairbrush in the other hand, as you chucked all your loose belongings in your bag, zipping it up at the same time as pulling your shoes on. You debated finding Sarah’s room to say goodbye, but you decided against it - after all it was her wedding night, so you were sure she was not going to be awake at 6:30 in the morning. She knew you only came for the weekend, her wedding more specifically. When you booked your flights, things were looking too unlikely for you to stay the entire summer, your heart in too much pain to stay longer than you had to.

Of course, things were different now, or at least you had hoped. You wanted to speak to JJ about what last night meant for the two of you and you hated that you had to run off the way you did. Things were finally good and the last thing you wanted was to put a strain on your relationship again.

You checked out at the reception desk, rushing outside at the exact time as your car pulled up, as you jumped in the back seat and begged the driver to hurry, counting down the little time you had to make it across the check in at the airport.

Finally as you were settled in the car, you pulled your phone out, typing a simple message out to JJ.

“Last night meant everything. I love you. I’ll see you soon.” As you sent the message and locked your door, you tilted your head back and closed your eyes, allowing your mind to wander back to all the sinful acts of last night.

In the meantime, JJ groaned as he awoke, his hand stretching to the other side of the bed, tapping and feeling around for your body, his head snapping up in confusion when he only found the covers and the cold, empty pillow beside him. The movement left him furrowing his brows from the deep pounding of his head as he sat up and reached a hand up to his forehead, the act doing nothing to really sooth his pain. He took a moment to compose himself as he got up, looking around the floor for any traces of you, but your clothes were no longer littering the floor of his hotel room. The only things confirming last night was not a dream were the way his sheets smelled of your sweet perfume and those sounds you made that he could still hear in his ears.

He was quick to get dressed and freshen up by chugging a large glass of water and washing his face as he quickly made his way down to reception, having no idea which room you were staying in. He was sure you left to get changed, have a shower and get ready for the rest of your day, or time here. He took the stairs, not keen to wait for the elevator and soon enough he was standing in front of the reception desk.

“‘Scuse me miss. What room is Y/N Y/L/N staying in please? We’re both part of the wedding party here.” Fidgeting with his hand, he was leaning over the desk, tapping away at the soft marble while waiting for the employees answer.

“I’m sorry sir, it seems that room checked out over an hour ago.” The receptionist confirmed, leaving JJ dumbfounded as he processed the words that didn’t make a lot of sense in his mind.

“Are you sure? Y/N Y/L/N. Can you check again?” He croaked out, eyes pleading as the receptionist looked at him with sorry eyes, but nodded regardless, only to confirm the same information once again, as JJ clenched his jaw and pushed himself away from the desk, nothing but disappointment filling him once again.

“JJ?” He turned slightly as he found Kie standing behind him, looking at him questioning as to what he was doing down here so early.

“Kie, where’s Y/N?” JJ asked, eyes hopeful that there may be a misunderstanding, she could have checked out to go to another place as she normally would for the summers she was here for.

“She only came for the wedding J because…well you know. You guys weren’t exactly on speaking terms. Did she not say last night?” Kie tilted her head and JJ breathed out frustrated as he ran his hand through his hair annoyed, fingers gripping at his scalp a little more aggressively than he should’ve.

“It didn’t really come up.” He mumbled, thinking back to the lack of civilised talking that took place in that bedroom after the doors were closed and until the both of them fell into a deep slumber.

“Mhm. I bet it didn’t.” Kie smirked, until she met JJ’s murderous gaze, putting her hands up in defence and breathing out a breath of air she was holding.

“Just message her, okay? You guys finally made up, don’t make the same mistakes again.” She pleaded in understanding as she placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze, until JJ nodded and sent her a small smile before walking off, going back to his room. He couldn’t help but feel stupid for thinking she would still stay for longer than needed, after all there was no reason for her to. Not when she would feel like she was overstepping, after not having spoken to each other for so long.

JJ sat back down on his bed, leaning on his knees and huffing out a breath of air, until he considered Kie’s words and went looking for his phone, which seemed to be discarded somewhere careless.

As he found the device and unlocked it, a notification popped up from none other than you, his heart rate immediately accelerating as thoughts of both fright and excitement filled his mind. But when he read your words, he felt his shoulders drop, jaw untick and all his muscles visibly relax while a content smile painted his lips, happy that you were both on the same page. Proud to own your heart, excited to be back in your life and a little scared of what this all means.

Current taglist: @mvybanks @jjasen @i-love-rafe @fulla02reads @leclerc16s @maybankslover @kravitzwhore @delicaties @kikixdee @rafetopia @starkeylover @mrsmaybank13 @merc12-us @notslay-norcleor @m-indkiller @princessbl0ss0m @vivian-555 @k-n-e @dreaming-of-the-reality @inky-sun @camelliaflow3r @ifilwtmfc @illmindedyetfamiliar @bookishnerd1132 @lucky7rosie @abbybarnesstufff @fallingwallsh @bjrmaybank @bibliophilewednesday @pank0w @augustlikesdeath @h34rtsformilli @rafecameronzwhore @stvrligghtt @minispice-1 @ironmaiden1313 @simp4f1 @davidshawswife @bjrmaybank @sickyrat @lea0518 @obaex @bellblake @forevermoreharrington @drewstarkeyslut @maybanksgirl1 @your-shifting-gurl @leah-loves-lilies @winterrrnight @redhead1180 @rafedrewandjjs

#jj maybank #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank fluff #obx jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x reader #outer banks jj

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obaex · 5 days

Text

i am dead and buried in the ground for this.

dead. and. buried. ☠️

their banter is absolute perfection and i am obsessed with their obsession for each other.

plus the ENDING!!

m’am!!!!!!! you have spoiled us!!!! this was so so so good. i cannot stress that enough.

not me waiting patiently to read more fics about these two, legit don’t care if it’s them eating breakfast and reading the dictionary i will devour it.

ily <3

GOT WHAT YOU WANTED

summary: you're rafe's best friend—kelce and top's too, but there's always been something more between the two of you. neither of you will do anything about it. clearly, the solution is to become friends with benefits.

now spinning: too many nights by metro & future

word count: 11.5k

warning/tags: kook trio reader, using jj to make rafe jealous, mentions of drugs/partying, jealous/possessive rafe and reader, smut !, rafe deals coke. tysm to @zyafics for beta’ing & helping me so muchh & @inimamea for being so lovely and supportive. tysm to all the lovely anons who have been supporting and loving this concept from the start, i hope u all love this ♡ (but sorry in advance if u don’t)

truth be told, you didn’t like making rafe angry.

it wasn’t fun for you, like other things were—watching your boys play golf while you lounged in the cart with the cold drinks, picking out a pretty outfit for the day, crashing on the couch at tannyhill with your head in rafe’s lap and feet over kelce’s legs.

those were fun things. what you were doing now, with jj, was something borne of necessity. you’re not a mean girl. you find it tough to be mean to anyone except rafe, actually, and only because he dishes it back and you know his feelings aren’t really hurt, but right now you were being mean.

to jj that is.

you smile at the blond boy seated next to you, the golden glow of the bonfire casting its warmth onto both of you. you laugh at another joke he makes, but only half-hearted, taking another sip of the beer he’d gotten you from the keg.

jj’s funny, he’s sweet too. it’s not his fault you wish you were seated next to your best friend instead of him, drinking a strawberry seltzer from the case that rafe keeps in the back of his truck specially for you.

“so?” jj asks, and you turn from staring at your shoes to look up at him. he’s looking at you with a smile, a very charming smile that you could have a lot of fun with, except you’re starting to feel bad about toying with him like this.

“so?” you repeat back, softly. he leans in a little to hear you. you feel a little warm at the action, but it could just as easily be from the fire.

jj’s nice—and you’ve always liked nice, preferred it to almost anything. every boy you had ever introduced to your trio had been nice, though rafe hadn’t ever cared. he’d hated them from the moment he’d laid eyes on them. you wonder now when you let him seep into your mind like this, with every other thought about rafe rafe rafe. somewhere in between accepting jj’s invitation to come to the bonfire with him and getting jealous over the fact that rafe was seeing some random girl.

“you didn’t tell your other boy about this, did’ya?” you look up at jj with eyebrows knitted, puzzled.

“other.. boy?”

“cameron.” now you really flush—you certainly don’t want jj to think rafe is your other anything.

“no, no. we’re not dating. we’re just friends.”

“right, okay. you tell him about tonight?”

“no. it didn’t come up.”

“ah. got it.”

“why?” you ask, and before you can look around, jj stares into the distance, gesturing with his eyes to a blurry figure.

“nothin’. he’s just been starin’ at us since we sat down, so i figured, but-” you stand up, looking into the distance where rafe was. you can feel yourself turning green with envy, red with rage, watching him stand next to the same girl he’s been with, her looking at rafe while rafe looks at you.

you sit back down on the log, wrapping a hand around jj’s arm and pulling him down to sit beside you. from this angle, rafe can’t make out anything but your backs, and maybe the lack of any real distance between you and jj.

“sorry,” you say, sweetly, almost having regained your wrath the second you saw the two of them standing together. “he’s crazy.”

“s’okay. not news to me, princess.” jj takes a pause, and you chew your cheek, trying to decide how far you were willing to take this. “you okay?”

“yes. why wouldn’t i be?”

“well, uh, it doesn’t take a genius. even though, y’know, i am one, to know somethin’s up.” “no, jj, i promise, we’re ju-” “just friends, yeah, i got it. i mean, i don’t know what type of friends exactly, but uh, i like you. and i’ll like you even if he has a problem with it. so up to you, really.” you glance up at jj, who is being nicer to you right now than you deserve.

and you hate it, hate every second of it. you hate how rafe makes you feel, how angry and jealous you get, the fact that you even started talking to jj when in the back of your mind you knew it was because rafe would get upset over it.

but you also hate what rafe’s doing, the girl he’s with and the way he’s with her, the fact that he brought her here and still won’t stop shooting daggers into jj’s head. in short, you hate all of it.

you lean in, resting your head against jj’s shoulder.

“i’m sorry. i don’t know what’s going on with him. but, he’s here with a girl.”

“and you’re here with me.” jj wraps an arm around you.

“yes, but not because-well, i don’t know.” it feels stupid coming out, but if jj thinks that, he doesn’t show any signs of it.

“s’okay. don’t always have to know.” you keep your head on his shoulder, enjoying the warmth he brings. “by the way, he’s still watching.” you smile, though you can’t tell which boy elicited it. “i mean, not gonna complain if i get to be your boy toy for a little but, nice to know you care-” you giggle, pulling away to put your drink on the sandy ground.

“you’re telling me you don’t want a sugar mama?” he laughs at your words and you relish in it.

it could be picture perfect—waves crashing in the back, the fire flickering in front of you, stars sparkling above. jj keeps his hand on your cheek and leans in for a kiss, and you find yourself leaning too, when the voice of your best friend breaks the silence. you pull away from jj to look up at rafe standing behind you.

“hey. we’re goin’. c’mon.”

“rafe-” you start, but you get interrupted. jj stands, facing rafe.

“hey buddy, we’re a little busy. but uh, i’ll make sure she gets home safe-”

“guys-”

“wasn’t fuckin’ talkin’ to you, pogue-”

“tuck her into bed, and everything. don’t worry your little head ‘bout it-”

“m’gonna knock your little head out if you don’t get the fuck away from-” having heard enough, you drag rafe away by his arm, your pretty nails digging in harshly.

“what the fuck was that, rafe?” you ask, though you feel the bitterness coursing through your veins. how’s that fair—that he parades his girlfriend around you, at the club and here at the bonfire, but you can’t so much as spend a moment alone with jj.

whatever reservations you had just held about using jj to make rafe jealous seem to have gone far away. instead you’re just angry—he wants his own girlfriend and he wants you without a boyfriend too. you turn to look back at the boy you left behind at the fire. jj gives you a thumbs up.

“how many times do i have to fuckin’ tell you to-to stay away from that pogue-”

“he has a name,” you counter, so defensive because jj was being nice to you even when he didn’t have to be, helping you even with no gain for himself. “and you can’t order me around, okay? you brought a girl here but i can’t talk to jayj? how does that make any sense?”

“stop yellin’,” he barks, grabbing you by the arm now, and guiding you away.

“why? afraid someone might hear us? like your little girlfriend? where’d she go, by the way, i bet she’s missing you right about now-”

“shut up. shut it.” you don’t realize how far rafe’s dragged you until you shake out of his tight grip, standing next to his truck on the street.

“i’m sick of this rafe.” it comes out quieter than you intend, tears prickling up. you hate crying, especially infront of the boys but even more so infront of rafe. “i’m not stopping my life and boys that i wanna see, and relationships i want to have because you’re not okay with it. not when you have your own girlfriend. it’s not fair.”

“i don’t. i don’t have a girlfriend.” you roll your eyes, he watches it happen with a tight fist, jaw clenching.

“yes, you do.”

“no, i don’t.”

“you don’t?” you question, unbelieving. “you just.. walk around with the same girl for weeks. take her everywhere. but she’s not your girlfriend?” you’re snarky like always—you still don’t know if he likes it or not.

“no, she’s not.”

“bullshit. at least get your fucking story straight, rafe. that girl’s probably half in love with you-” “m’not dating her. and if it bothered you so much how come you didn’t say something, huh? you pull this shit with fuckin’ maybank instead?”

“i’m not pulling anything with jj.” you lie through your teeth, hoping rafe bites. “i-i like him.”

“no you fuckin’ don’t.”

“who are you to tell me-”

“you don’t like him. what you like is makin’ me fuckin’ angry. well, it worked. stay the fuck away from him. and get in the goddamn truck.”

you groan loudly, the noise almost a scream and filling the quiet street. but you comply, getting into the passenger seat and letting rafe drive you home—to your house, not tannyhill like every other night. when he pulls up to your house, you resist the urge to get out without saying anything at all.

“i’ll see you tomorrow, kid.” you sigh, looking back up at rafe.

“that’s it? you’ll see me tomorrow?”

“what else do you want me to say, huh?”

“are you just gonna ignore all of that? what the hell was that?”

“m’not ignoring anything-”

“so, i can’t see jj anymore. are you still seeing her? who am i allowed to date then? kelce? top? do you have a pre-approved list for me?”

“shut up.”

“rafe,” you sound serious, as serious as he’s ever heard you, shifting in your seat to look right at him. he looks back, his knuckles white on the steering wheel at the mention of you dating kelce or top or anyone. “i’m not gonna stay single forever. i know your alpha-male tendencies don’t agree with it, but girls have needs too. i want-”

“what? what do you want?”

“the possibility of getting laid without you screaming at every boy i talk to would be nice.”

“don’t talk like that.”

“rafe.”

exasperated, you unlock the door and climb out, not turning back to say goodnight. the last twelve hours seem like a blur, between texting jj and actually seeing him and rafe’s reaction to it. you’re not sure what kind of reaction you really wanted out of him, but you’re not happy with the one you got. you don’t know what, if anything, would have pleased you.

that night, you go to bed angry and wake up sad. jj texted you something but you can’t find the heart to look at his message yet.

you’re sure the boys have something planned for today, like they always do, but the idea of opening the groupchat to look at what they decided on makes you feel sick. so you stay home instead, showering off yesterday’s anger and wondering why rafe thinks you don’t deserve to have a boy in your life to fool around with, to date, to do anything with.

the answer, sharp and painful like the jagged end of a piece of glass, hovers in your mind. you try to push it away.

rafe’s wrong—like always. you really don’t like making him angry, like it even less that your routine is disrupted and that for the first time in a long time, you don’t want to see your best friends today. brushing your hair, the sound of your bedroom door opening snaps you out of your thoughts.

“c’mon kid. get dressed. top’s got tee time at two and we booked lunch before.” you turn to look at rafe but don’t budge. he takes a look at you—dressed in one of his old frat shirts and plaid shorts that barely peak out.

you look pretty all the time but it feels the worst, the hardest to deal with, when it’s just the two of you alone like this, none of the shit that you do for other people, for outside the house—the makeup, the hair, the nice clothes. when you’re pretty like this it’s just for him, since no one else gets to see you, no one but him. you probably didn’t even notice you were wearing one of his shirts—something that leaves him feeling more pleased than he should be. but like always, he’s not gonna tell you any of that.

“are you adding deaf to stupid?” he asks, and you roll your eyes, letting out an irritated huff.

“i’m not coming. go away.” you turn around on your vanity chair to face your mirror, continuing brushing your hair. rafe walks up behind you, staring at you in the mirror.

“c’mon. lunch is at the place you like. i’ll even talk to you when kelce and top are up.”

“is that your way of apologizing?”

“it’s not an apology.”

“of course it’s not. why would you say sorry? you probably don’t think you did anything wrong.”

“i didn’t.”

“mm-hm. when does rafe cameron ever do anything wrong?” you keep brushing your hair, staring at yourself in the mirror instead of at him. “psycho.”

rafe yanks the brush from your hand, spinning your chair around to face him. he boxes you in, his hands resting on the armrests. he’s too close to you, it makes his head spin. you wish he’d stop, you know he’s not going to. you watch with bated breath, wondering what’s coming next.

“i… didn’t mean to make you upset.” you keep staring up at rafe, blinking fast. “and i didn’t see it from your side. so, m’sorry. about that part. nothin’ else.” you can’t help the slow smile that grows on your face—rafe, apologizing, and to you of all people. you thought you’d never see the day.

“thanks rafe.”

“alright. get ready. truck’s still runnin’.” he pulls himself upright, freeing you of the restraint. you can hear the bass of the music in his car, the future song audible from your open window.

“that’s bad for the environment. and i didn’t say i forgave you.” snatching the hairbrush back, you resume your motions. you hear rafe groan and it’s hard to hold back the smile. maybe you did like making him angry.

“kid.”

“what? i heard your apology, and i don’t accept it. hope you girls have fun at golf-” rafe leans back in, holding your jaw shut between his fingers.

“do you ever shut up?” you shake your head from your position, though you can’t really move. “what’s it gonna take, huh? you want my permission to fuck ‘round? sleep with some, some fuckin’ nobody? some pogue? tough shit. you’re not gettin’ it.” he lets you go, and you rub your jaw tenderly.

“but you get to do it?”

“that’s different-”

“no it’s not! you’re just a dick. and sexist. who am i supposed to sleep with, then?” you shoot back.

“i don’t fuckin’ know, kid. me, i guess. at this point-”

“ha-ha funny. you’re an-” when you finally get up and look at him, he’s staring at you. “what?”

“yeah. that’s fine.” he shrugs, like he’s just decided something trivial, like what to order at lunch or which iron to use. “you can sleep with me.”

“excuse me?”

“yeah. yeah, it’s a good solution. that way you can stay the fuck away from maybank and any other asshole.”

“rafe. shut up.”

“think about it,” he says, and you fall silent to listen, though this is the worst idea you’ve ever heard in your life. “you get what you want. i get what i want. it works out.”

“how is being your pity-fuck remotely close to what i want?”

“sheesh, kid m’tryna help you right now. offerin’ you a solution-”

“rafe?” “yeah?”

“get out.” you walk over the door, swining it open and waiting for him to step out.

“just think ‘bout it,” rafe says, standing by the door but not leaving just yet. “alright?”

“goodbye, rafe.”

you listen to the sounds—him walking down the staircase, the front door closing, his truck taking off. after you’re sure he’s gone, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding inside.

sleeping with rafe had been nothing more than a drunken thought that occasionally slipped into your mind when he’d be nice to you after some party. curling up next to him at tannyhill every other night certainly didn’t help, but that’s all it was—a thought, not reality.

then you wonder if it’s really such a bad idea. maybe if you just got out all of this pent up energy with rafe, and then worked on finding someone he actually approved of, it would be easier for both of you.

key word: maybe.

the idea that he’s still seeing that girl, the one he keeps denying is his girlfriend, makes you want to puke. he’d have to stop that, that would be part of your agreement.

maybe rafe’s right, maybe you both get what you want out of this, as messed up as it seems. it can’t be the worst idea in the world—kelce and top always joke the two of you are half a couple already.

you go to your closet to pick out an outfit for golf, hoping you weren’t about to ruin your friendship with your best friend.

.☘︎ ݁˖

rafe’s leaning against the bar at the club when you find him. you think he’s got a weird sixth sense, he always knows when you’re around, and he looks up before you’re even near him.

“i knew you wouldn’t pass on lunch. top owes me five bucks.”

“yeah. sure.” you put a hand on the counter to steady yourself—this is harder than you thought it would be. rafe takes a sip of his drink. you want to chastise him, tell him it’s only twelve-thirty and too early for drinking, but nothing comes out. your mouth feels dry and you almost want to chug the rest of his scotch. surprisingly, you refrain.

“what?” rafe asks, and you glance up at him, eyes locked.

“i thought about what you said this morning. what you offered.”

“and?” the bastard looks so smug. you should the slap the smirk off his face but you know what he’s thinking—proud of coming up with the idea himself, thinking he’s doing such a service.

“and.. better the devil you know and all that.” you wait for the other shoe to drop for a moment, for rafe to admit it was all a big prank and you fell for it, and now the boys owe him money or something.

“good. i agree. so should we get outta here, or what?”

“right now?” you question, eyes widening. “what about tee time?”

“you’re the only who’s so horny you’re on the verge of jumping pogues. m’just tryna help you-”

“shut up!”your face heats, looking around to make sure no one heard him. “by the way, between the two of us you’re the only one jumping pogues.”

“yeah, yeah. so not now, then?”

“a gentlemen as always, rafe. no, really, thank you, for showing me chivalry’s not dead.” you roll your eyes again, staring ahead at the bottles behind the bar. you don’t want to turn and look at rafe again, but you do.

“at this rate m’gonna have to show you what friends with benefits means too.”

“shut up.” it comes out like a hiss this time, narrowed eyes focusing in on your best friend and apparently, new fuck buddy.

“yeah, yeah. they’re at the table near the window.”

“thanks.” you walk in that direction, catching a glimpse of top and kelce, but your feet pause for a moment. you stay still, but glance back at rafe.

he’s not leaning against the bar anymore—he’s facing you, staring at you. blue eyes rake over your skin top to bottom, focusing on the pretty sandals and polished white toes, smooth lotioned skin, your short white skirt and tight golf shirt, with one too many buttons popped.

when you’re talking without ever shutting up, it’s hard for him to focus on anything but your glossy lips or long eyelashes fluttering when you roll your eyes. but now he’s taking it in—how easily you agreed to this little idea, how you talk a big game but you don’t seem as hesitant or upset as you were this morning.

you turn back and keep walking towards the table—rafe can tell you’re flushed. he’s fine with it, prefers it this way. anything’s better than you going on dates with strangers, showing them looks and emotions and other things that belong to him.

if you’re horny, all you had to do was tell him. downing the rest of his drink, he goes back to the table and like always, sits next to you.

kelce and top talk about the same old shit, until they focus their attention on you. you’re being quiet, not nearly as talkative or snippy as usual, and you haven’t said a word to rafe the whole time.

“and where’d you two go off to last night?” kelce asks, pointedly looking at rafe while he asks you the question.

“you guys know you left us stranded, right? we all came together. i mean i’m not saying self-absorbed but-” topper adds, but you cut him off.

“you’re really not one to talk about self-absorbed, are you top?” you shoot back, and kelce chokes on his water.

“easy,” rafe says, and normally you’d fire away something at him too, but this time you don’t. “we had somethin’ to take care of. but you got home didn’t you?”

“yes, but-” topper says, but rafe cuts him off again. you hold back a laugh.

“then shut up ‘bout it.”

“kelce’s mom had to pick us up. it was humiliating.” you snort into your lemonade, all four of you bursting into laughter. you turn to ask kelce a follow up question, and rafe’s staring at you while you laugh. something low in your stomach twists, like a butterfly trying to fly out and away.

when kelce and rafe start talking about the course today, topper leans in to say something to you.

“you’re getting mean. y’know that means you’re spending too much time with him.” you transfer your gaze from top to rafe, staring at the boy next to you.

the idea of what you would normally say floats through your head—something funny and earnest but still making top feel better, not saying sorry but making him laugh instead. nothing comes to mind.

“yeah. i guess i am.”

you sit through golf, reading your book in the cart while the boys play nine holes. your phone rings with a call from your parents about an hour in, and when you step away to take it, rafe follows you. the boys protest from the distance—it must have been his turn.

“you goin’ home?” rafe questions, and you jolt at the sound, not realizing he was right behind you.

“god. you scared me.” he doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring down at you. “yes, uh, mom wants me home for something.”

“you need a ride?”

“no, i drove here, remember?”

“oh. yeah. am i gonna see you tonight?” the words make you flush—stupidly, no matter how hard you try to fight it, knowing that they shouldn’t. the two of you are going to be terrible at this. “kid?”

“careful, rafe. you’re starting to sound like a boyfriend.” “yeah. and we wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

sucking in a breath, tearing your gaze away with pretty blue eyes that are looking at you like maybe that wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world, you’re at a loss for words again. before all of this drama, you could count the amount of times you had been rendered speechless by rafe with no hands—since it had never happened. still with nothing to say, you turn around and start to walk away. foot steps follow you.

“hey, hey. m’joking, it’s just.. a joke. how about i come over later? and we’ll talk about it.” you spin on your heels to face him.

“talk about it? talk about what?”

“our.. arrangement. y’know talk about it..” he tilts his head stupidly and you can’t decide if you want to slap him or kiss him. “..fuck about it.”

“okay! that’s it. bye, rafe.” storming away, you almost wish you hadn’t heard what he called out after you.

“bye, kid. i’ll see you later.”

.☘︎ ݁˖

at ten pm that night, freshly showered and somehow in another one of rafe’s shirts, you were back to where you were this morning—brushing your hair. rafe doesn’t knock on your door, just barges in.

“oh my god-”

“hello to you too.” he steps in, shutting the door behind him and taking a seat on your bed. you spin on your chair to face him.

“how the hell do you keep getting in here?”

“what? your mom let me in.”

“you didn’t even text-”

“i told you at the club. you have selective memory, kid.” he looks you over again. “nice shirt.”

“oh shut up.” you turn away for a moment, setting the hairbrush down, biting your cheek. “so?”

“so?” he repeats. he’s smiling, you can just tell.

“aren’t we gonna talk about our arrangement? that’s what you told me at the club-” you finish in a mocking voice.

“what else is there to talk about? you wanna get laid, i don’t wanna see you with random guys.”

“i still don’t understand what’s wrong with the guys that i-” rafe cuts you off, and he sounds angry.

“of course you don’t understand. you don’t have’t think about this shit, because i think about it for you. what’d you gonna do when some guy starts sleepin’ with you ‘cause me and top pissed him off once? or one of those pogues, huh? to get back at us? take some video of you and send it to everyone? brag and show it off to everyone?”

“oh.”

“exactly. so m’lookin’ out for you. this is better, trust me.” the thing rafe’s saying are making sense. you were on board anyways, but you feel better that there’s a real reason behind it.

“but what about that girl-” you ask, though you don’t know what kind of answer you’re expecting. rafe sighs.

“what about that girl?”

“are-are you gonna sleep with other people too?”

“no. m’too busy anyways. works out for both of us.”

“oh. okay. promise?”

“when have i ever lied to you?” you sigh, about to protest, when he finishes his sentence. “promise.” you feel strangely reassured, like this is a good idea.

“okay. thanks.” you dodge his gaze, playing with your manicured nails, pink this time.

“alright. get on the bed.”

“rafe-”

“what? i just said-”

“you’re not even gonna, like, take me out for dinner first?”

“who the hell d’you think paid for your lunch?”

“i don’t know.. kelce? he got lunch last week. should i go sleep with him next?”

“ha-ha. get on the bed.”

“ugh. you’re so crass. i don’t even know how you get any girls-”

“yeah, yeah. are you gonna shut up now or what?”

you can’t think of anything to say, so you finally follow his instructions, crawling into your bed and sitting up against your pillows to look at rafe.

you’ve see him naked before. he’s seen you naked before. with all the time you spent together on the druthers or at the beach, you should be used to seeing him like this. he yanks off his shirt, pulling it off with a fist in the back over his head.

the first sign that this idea wasn’t going to go as planned should have been now—feeling your breath catch in your throat at the sight in front of you. your best friend shirtless, getting closer to your bed. your eyes rake over tan, muscled skin and the silver chain glimmering around his neck. you don’t realize you moved, body sliding down and back flat against your mattress while rafe starts to lean across the bed, his hand planted next to your head.

rafe’s hovering over you. your breathing shakes for a moment, wondering if it would be this easy for him to do this with any other girl. you dismiss the thought when rafe leans in to kiss you, but it almost seems too wrong to let it happen.

“wait-” you move your head a little so your lips are away from rafe’s. “are you sure? you don’t think it’s gonna be weird?”

“stop bugging out, kid.” he says it low and quiet, and your entire body quivers from the sound.

“answer the question, asshole.” rafe laughs, his hot breath fanning across your cheek. you can’t help it, you laugh too, turning to look at him. you think he’ll be grinning like something’s funny, but your smile dies the second you lock eyes.

he’s not smiling, he looks as serious as you’ve ever seen him. he licks his lips, moving his eyes over your body, his shirt and your bare legs.

“you wearin’ anything under this?”

he moves one of his hands from your knee to your thigh, stroking the soft skin. you curl your leg automatically, head lifting to watch his hands and your entire body trembling under his touch—it’s hot and electric, making your heart beat faster and the hairs on your arm stand up. he looks up from your legs to your face, watches you shake your head to answer no.

“good girl.”

your head falls back onto the pillow when the words leave his mouth. a chuckle leaves his mouth, but still he’s not smiling, it’s more just a noise of pleasure than anything else. rafe sits up between your legs, hands grabbing onto both of your legs and stroking again. he makes his way all the way to your hips, fingers dancing over the waistband of your panties.

you think he’ll stop, maybe at least answer your earlier question, though you can’t remember what you had even asked him. he doesn’t, fingers swiftly hooking around the fabric and pulling them down your legs. you suck in another breath, angling your foot so they fall onto the bed while you keep your eyes locked on him.

“y’ready?” he asks, and you nod, though you’re not sure what you’re agreeing to. his hands go back to your thighs, pushing his t-shirt up to expose more skin. you tense up, but he keeps a palm on your knee. “relax.”

before you can anticipate anything else, he strokes your pussy, which is shamefully wet already, with two fingers, prodding the sensitive skin and gathering wetness. he does that laugh again, like he can’t believe what he’s looking at, and you try to shut your trembling thighs in embarassment, but rafe holds them open.

“rafe-” but before you can finish your sentence, two thick fingers plunge inside you, “oh my god—!”

“hah. good.” when he pushes his fingers out, just to slam them back in, your eyes roll all the way back, another loud moan emitting from your mouth, sounds he’s thought about a hundred times before but still can’t compare to the real thing. but of course, you don’t need to know any of that. “don’t get too loud. y’folks are downstairs, remember?”

you don’t seem to remember. when he picks up the pace, really just wanting to test you and see how much you could take, you start moaning even louder, sweet breathy sounds filling the room. they’re just for him, and normally he’d want you screaming, but he can’t arouse too much suspicious, or your parents won’t ever let him back in the house. his other hand, the one holding your legs open, moves to your mouth, clamping his palm over your lips to keep your noises quiet.

you must like it, you clench around his fingers and your walls flutter when he locks eyes with you, almost hunched over you to keep you quiet while still fucking his fingers—now three, though he didn’t realize when he’d added another—into you.

rafe’s hard, and he can’t remember the last time he was patient enough to wait to get his dick wet, but he likes you like this, not just shutting up for once, but eyes shut and face twisted with pleasure, whimpering into his hand, legs shaking in his grip while you’re wet around his fingers.

“rafe-” you mumble, the sound all muffled. “m’gonna, ohh-” he picks up the pace, shushing you while battering into your pussy, listening to the gasps and whimpers through his palm while you cum all over his hand.

limbs like jelly and throat dry, you lay there, catching your breath. your skin’s hot and flushed, and you stare at rafe while he stares at you.

“what?” you question, and it comes out quiet, soft, like you’ve done something you shouldn’t have. he’s thinking a couple of things, some of which have no business being in his head at all. do you always get this wet? who else has seen you like this? who’s gonna get to hear you moan the way you just did for him some day?

“nothin’.”

“oh. okay.” you sit up against your headboard, pulling your—his—shirt down to cover up a little. “well, thank you.”

“yeah. no problem.” for a second he hestiates—briefly concerned you want him to leave now. “well? come on.” you’re trying to sound like you always do, a little irritated at him, a little snarky. he can see through it this time.

“what?”

“get the condom. you’re the one who said we’re doing it today.” rafe watches for a second, wondering if he should laugh or yell at you, when you pull off his shirt. he stares at you, not moving, wondering why he thought this would be a good idea.

he’s seen you naked before, changing in the same room or when you two lost all boundaries and started walking into bathrooms while the other’s showering, but this seems different. propped against your headboard naked, with your cum on his fingers, asking him to get a condom. now that he’s seen you like this, he has a new life mission of making sure no one else ever gets to.

“god, you’re such a boy.”

“shut up.”

“you shut up. you talked such a big game and now you’re just staring at my boobs-” he moves quickly, fingers on your jaw, actually shutting you up.

“lie down.” biting your lip, you comply, sliding down so rafe was on top of you. “spread your legs.” you move to do so, but rafe uses his hands on your thighs to pull them apart before you can. you can’t look at his face, it almost feels too weird, so you decide to stare at his dick instead, watching him roll the condom on with a puzzled face.

“what?” he’s been looking at your face the whole time.

“nothing. if i had known you were this big i would’ve asked a while ago-” rafe starts laughing, a real one this time, and you burst into giggles too.

“stop-” and he gets closer to you, lining himself up with your wet cunt, “-making me laugh. shut up.”

“you’ve said shut up like thirty times but you won’t stop talking eithe-oh!” he pushes in all at once, and all the breath leaves your lungs. you gasp instead, toes curling, feeling incredibly full, the disbelief that you’re full of rafe quickly fading away.

you should have known he’d be good at this, good enough to actually get you to shut up. he starts a slow pace, thrusting in and out and you look up to see your best friend’s face contorted with pleasure, heavy breaths in your ears and the scent of his cologne overwhelming everything. his chain dangles on your neck, tickling you, and you try to permanently engrain the feeling into your memory.

you attempt to stay quiet, though the slam of the headboard against the wall is a dead giveaway. rafe pushes all the way out and then all the way back in with another slam, and there’s nothing you can do but take it, clamping your hand over your mouth now.

he manhandles your legs into place, pressing them to your chest while he continues the exhausting pace. you can’t discern anything but rafe’s quiet groans and heavy breaths. you’ve just cum but it doesn’t take long for that hot feeling to wind up again in your stomach, toes curling and eyes getting watery. your moans are still muffled, but the way rafe’s looking at you is only making them get louder.

your bottom lip must be bleeding from the way your teeth have been abusing it. rafe moves your hand out of the way and leans in for a hot kiss, his tongue in your mouth and swallowing all of your noises.

with a final oh god, oh god, oh god, moaned into rafe’s mouth, you cum hard around his dick, eyes pressing shut and stray tears falling down, rafe’s lips not leaving yours.

you don’t know why—but you wrap your arms around his neck, keeping the kiss going. rafe pulls away for a moment to breathe and you open your eyes, staring up at him through wet lashes, licking your swollen lips, while he looks back down at you.

he leans in for a final kiss, groaning into your mouth while he spills into the condom, still thrusting in and out of your sore pussy.

rafe rolls off of you, resting on your sheets beside you. you try to catch your breath.

“you didn’t last very long.”

“and how long did it take ya to cum all over my fingers?”

“oh, whatever. where’s my shirt?”

“it’s my shirt,” rafe says back, finding the discarded clothing on the ground and tossing it on your chest. you sit up, sliding his shirt back on. rafe’s standing, pulling on his shorts.

“are you leaving?” you ask, and you regret it the second it comes out, quiet and soft like you want him to stay.

you do want him to stay, but you don’t want him to know that you do. it all feels very complicated and your thighs are aching, your throat dry.

“no.” he sits back down next to you, swinging an arm over your shoulder like he always does. you lean into his chest.

“you kissed me,” you say quietly. you’re glad your face is pressed into his side, you don’t think you could handle looking at his face right now. “and you were quiet. i didn’t expect that.”

“your parents are downstairs, remember?”

“oh. i forgot.” you realize after that you don’t want him to know he fucked you so hard you forgot where you were and who was home.

“is kissing off limits?” rafe asks, and you almost choke processing the sentence. things you never thought rafe would say to you.”

“no.. it was nice.” you pause, listening to the silence of the room and the thud of rafe’s chest in your ear. you’re no expert—though you fear you’re about to become one—but it seems faster than normal. “you want ice cream? or cookies? i made some yesterday.”

“no, kid. it’s fine.” you chew your cheek nervously. you want rafe to want to stay, not just because you asked.

“you can go.. if you need to.” you look up at him and then look back down when he meets your eyes.

“why? got nowhere else to be.”

“oh. okay.”

“turn the tv on. we’ll watch your stupid movie”

“really?” your face lights up, grabbing the remote on your nightstand. you open up the blanket at the foot of the bed, covering both of you while you try to find you’ve got mail. you go back to your position and lean against rafe’s warm body, and he presses a kiss to your forehead. it’s not unusual, he’s done it before, but you don’t miss the fact that he’s decided to do it now. you try to push away the warm feeling blooming in your chest.

“don’t ever make a joke about sleeping with kelce or top again.”

.☘︎ ݁˖

your tired muscles wake up to the sun pouring into your bedroom. the light shines on rafe’s still-asleep figure, but you knew it wouldn’t wake him up, nothing ever does. you don’t remember falling asleep, barely remember anything after rafe showing up.

and the part where you slept with your best friend.

a guilt-trip dangles on the edge, about to take over, when you push it away and focus on the text messages on your phone instead.

top: rafe can’t believe u bailed on cod. u better be dead in a ditch somewhere

kelce: maybe princess finally killed him

top: stop hanging out without us

kelce: top lets just pull up next time

you laugh, and rafe stirs at the sound. you give his arm a shove.

“you ditched playing video games for me? i’m so flattered, rafey.”

“shut up.” he grumbles. “go back to bed. s’too early for this shit.”

“it’s nine in the morning. and i have pilates in an hour.”

rafe turns over, and you can’t deny it’s nice to have him in your bed for once—it seems like you’re always sleeping at tannyhill.

“didn’t get enough exercise last night? you need more?”

you fake a yawn, covering your mouth.

“exercise? what exercise? i don’t remember that. you mean the boring sex?”

rafe sits up, facing you. you choke back a laugh.

“you wanna say that again?”

“uhh-”

“in fact, why don’t you try and get up? ten bucks says you can’t even walk to the door.”

“i can’t believe the two of us even fit on this bed with your gigantic ego-”

“don’t see you walking. m’waiting.” you toss one of your throw pillows at him.

“get out!”

“alright. i’ll say good morning to your parents on my way-”

“okay! wait, stay.”

“s’what i thought.”

“some way to say good morning,” you mumble, scrolling through your other messages—a text from your other friends about a party tomorrow and a reminder for your pilates class.

“you woke me up.”

“oh whatever. i was just surprised you skipped a video game for this. but i guess most boys would.”

“there’s not much i wouldn’t skip for you.” you smile at rafe, misunderstanding him.

“that’s so nice. are you saying i’m a great lay?” he rolls his eyes.

“i’m trying to- shut up. what’d they say?” he picks up his phone.

about twenty minutes later, after checking the hallway (and that too on wobbly legs, just like the smug idiot had predicted) rafe leaves. like always, he says he’ll see you later.

you fall on your bed and dwell on the fact that rafe kissed you last night. it’s hard to focus on anything else, and with every passing second, you think this whole thing was a worse and worse idea.

but he doesn’t seem to think that way. he seemed fine. he’s better at the no-strings-attached thing than you, and you don’t think he would have suggested it if he didn’t think you could handle it.

with that thought lingering, you get dressed for pilates and hope it’s easier to walk before you see the boys again. you find out that it’s really not.

after your class, you check your phone, finding messages from top and kelce. game night and pizza at kelce’s house. you’re invited, of course, but you shoot them a message saying you’re staying home with your parents instead.

the second you press send, rafe’s contact photo lights up your screen.

“rafe?” you answer it without even waiting.

“what, not comin’ tonight? you always come.”

“oh, um-” you pace around your room, trying to think of a lie on your feet. “mom and dad wanted to stay in. you know. game night.” the words feel stupid, though you hope he’ll believe it.

“okay. you gonna swing ‘round after?”

“no, probably not. um, i’ll see you tomorrow?”

“yeah, tomorrow. have fun, kid.”

“you too. tell them i say hi.”

the rest of your day flies by and it’s not long before you’re curling up in bed with a tub of ice cream. your parents went out to dinner with some friends, while you contemplated what the hell you were doing with your own friends.

you four always had a standing date on saturday mornings in the summer—snacks and a spin on the boat. if you don’t go, it’s going to be incredibly obvious something was going on with you.

you call topper while you pack your boat bag—grabbing the necessities the boys always completely forget about; spray sunscreen, an extra baseball cap, a book for you when you inevitably get bored of listening to them talk.

“what’s up?” top says, and you’ve made your way into the kitchen, pulling out fruit to wash and cut.

“what time are we going on the boat? and i’m bringing strawberries and mangoes, is that fine?” topper is the pickiest when it comes to the fruit—kelce and rafe will eat whatever you bring.

“uh, i think noon. call rafe, we’re taking the druthers today.” crap. that’s what you were trying to avoid. it feels crazy the second you think it—trying to avoid rafe. you need to get it together. acting like some love sick girl over your best friend feels like the stupidest thing you’ve ever tried to do. he must bring it out in you. “do you have any of those oranges? the little ones?”

“i’ll bring ‘em. listen, i need to get ready, do you know the time? i’ll just meet you there.” your self-realization is going to have to wait for another day.

“noon, yeah. i’ll text it.”

“thanks top.”

you start an internal monologue on repeat—stop being weird about it. he’s still your best friend. be normal. he is not your boyfriend. you repeat it, but still pick out the prettiest bikini you own, yellow gingham and held together entirely by straps you’ve tied into pretty bows. you throw on one of the boys’ button-ups that’s ended up in your closet somehow on top.

walking onto the pier, you hesitate in front of the druthers. you don’t hear any of the boys, and though nothing’s stopped you from getting on and making yourself comfortable, you wait for a second.

it’s like he knows. rafe steps out from the bridge, and takes one look at you, eyes flicking up and down your body and taking in the yellow fabric that’s barely covering anything, before offering you his hand to get on.

“hey.”

“hey.” you look around. “nice weather.”

“yeah.”

“kelce and top running late? he told me noon.”

“those two are always late.” he’s staring at you, and this time it becomes clear, that he’s looking at you the way a boy who has been inside of you looks at you.

“i packed mangoes. you liked them last time.”

“yeah, i did.”

“i just hope they’re sweet.”

“yeah. they probably are. sweet.” rafe keeps looking, and you turn around to set your bag down. “listen, kid-”

“it’s a great day. good weather.”

“you already said that.”

“oh.”

“would you stop and look at me?”

“no, um,” you start, emptying out your bag onto one of the seats. “sorry, i’m busy.” you feel rafe grab your shoulder, turning you around. he’s not as rough as he could be, like he usually is.

“you okay?” he asks, and you feel stupid.

“i’m fine.. are you okay?”

“yeah. but you’re actin’ weird.”

“well yeah, rafe. we slept together. it’s weird.”

“you were on board-”

“i was. i am,” you clarify. surprising even to yourself, you think you still are. “doesn’t make it not weird. imagine if you and kelce slept together. wouldn’t it be weird?” rafe’s face twists into a mixture of disgust and concern. “okay. bad example. sorry.”

“yeah. m’just saying, i wanna make sure you’re okay. but i don’t regret it if that’s what you’re afraid of. and nothin’ has to change.” hearing him say it makes you feel better. you repeat the words, tasting the feel of it on your tongue.

“right. nothing’s changed. you’re still rafe. i’m still me.”

“it doesn’t have to happen again, if you don’t want it to.” you stare up at him with crossed arms.

“why are you being so nice about it?”

“jeez, kid. what, you-you want me to be a dick ‘bout it? sounds like you’d prefer that.”

“no, just. it’s weird when you’re nice.” you look at him for a second before the two of you start laughing. “y’know what i mean.”

“alright. i’ll stop being nice.”

“thank you. now where are these two? i wanna read my book.”

“probably still sleepin’. played until-” rafe keeps talking, but you realize you’re only half paying attention. he takes his shirt off, and at the very sight of his chain sparkling in the sun, you realize you’re no better than the girls who chase after him. “what?”

“hm?” a little dazed, you look up from his abs to his face.

“you’re starin’.”

“oh. you think we have enough time before they show up?”

“time for what?” rafe stares at you while you stare at him. “oh.”

turns out he thought you did have enough time. you end up with your cheek pressed against the tan sofa in the cabin, body folded with your head down and ass up. rafe’s slamming into you from behind, and though it’s only the second time with him, you think there’s no pleasure in the world comparable.

from this angle he feels even bigger than yesterday. you feel tighter, or maybe it’s just the way your cunt is sucking him in, he thinks, thrusting in and out with his hands grabbing the fat of your ass, watching it bounce with every one of his motions. he has an urge to untie your bikini top, just so he can look at the expanse of the bare skin of your back, but he knows you’ll fuss if he does. he settles for shoving the thin yellow fabric of your bottoms to the side, yanking it so hard that you’re scared it’ll rip.

“be—oh—careful,” you get out in between moans, louder than the first time and louder still than he thought you’d be. he likes it more than he should. you already came once, but he wants to see if he can get another out of you.

“shut up,” rafe groans, eyes fixated on your perky ass, the one he’s stared at in hundreds of short dresses and tiny skirts, bikinis that he shouldn’t let you wear and panties he gets an eyeful of when you’re asleep in his bed. “jus’ take it-”

you keep moaning against the couch, head shoved in to muffle what you can, but it’s when you look back at him, turning your head to watch rafe slam into you with wet, lustful eyes, tired from how hard he had just made you cum, that he really can’t take it, finishing hard and fast while you let out pretty mewls that are still ringing in his ear.

he pulls out, adjusting your bikini bottoms to cover you up, though there’s visible wetness staining them. your inner thighs are shiny where your juices glisten. rafe has to tear his eyes away, you keep your legs clamped shut.

“you okay?” he asks, trying to catch his breath. you don’t speak, just nod. “c’mon.” rafe offers you a hand, again, and you accept, following him outside and into the sun, even though you’re so tired you could fall asleep where you were.

“thanks.” you say, wiping your neck of the sweat that has collected there. he watches you do it. “sorry, i don’t have a tip or anything. how about some fruit instead? call it even?” “shut up, kid. m’not a hooker, you fuckin’ weirdo.”

“no, of course not,” you gasp, like you’d never suggest such a thing. “the correct term is escort, rafe. it’s all very american gigolo.”

“you watch too many movies.” but you still hear him laugh when the two of you step onto the deck.

“what’s so funny?” you hear top’s voice, freezing up. you catch rafe’s eye, before looking away

“nothin’, man-” rafe starts, but you start talking over him.

“just debatin’ how long it would take you idiots to get ready. got enough gel there, top?” rafe and kelce laugh while topper narrows his eyes at you.

your days are on the boat are always fun—the boys steer while you enjoy the breeze and the sun. you pass the fruit around and read your book—another romance beach read, of course. this one’s about two best friends falling in love. you can’t find the will to keep reading.

you tune in a conversation about a party tonight.

“are we going?” you ask, looking expectantly at the three boys in front of you.

“yeah. why wouldn’t we?” kelce says. you shift your gaze to rafe, who gestures to your thighs with his eyes. you clamp your legs shut, flushing.

“fun. what time?”

.☘︎ ݁˖

finding a little hard to walk straight after your little tryst on the boat, you switch your heeled sandals for a pair of sneakers for tonight. you smooth out your pretty blue dress in the back of top’s jeep. him and kelce are in the front, you and rafe in the back, pulling up to whichever family that was off-island’s mansion for the evening. the music was blaring, audible from even down the street, with two boys carring a keg into the house while top parked.

“are they celebrating something?” you question, staring at the crowds of people inside.

“yeah. the fact that it’s saturday night,” kelce answers, and you shove the back of his head from the backseat.

you hear rafe and top talking about something, though you can’t make it out. yesterday you thought, dreading when the boys swung by your house to get you, that it would be awkward to sit next to rafe and act like nothing had happened. surprisingly after the conversation this morning, you find that it’s not. he leaned over to open the door for you to get in, asked you how your class was, did the things he always did.

topper’s an idiot for boosting his wheels, and you’d told him as much when he showed you guys for the first time. getting down is a nightmare, even more in your sore state (which you are attributing to the pilates and not the boy sitting next to you right now).

you turn to look at rafe again but he’s not there, and instead you see him in your window, opening the door and offering you a hand to get down. rafe’s probably helped you down a dozen times. this feels different, you admit to yourself, holding onto his hand to get down and keenly aware of his other hand hovering around your waist.

inside, the party is in full swing, one corner by the windows with billows of smoke and a group of boys in another corner mixing drinks.

the four of you end up like always—divided into half on opposite ends of a painted pong table from someone’s old frat house. some girl top’s been talking to makes her way over, hanging off his arm before long. rafe watches you toss the white ball, your nose scrunching up in concentration. you cheer when it goes in, turning to hug kelce. you’ve only had two cups but you’re getting tipsy already, he can tell.

“top. top!” rafe shouts over the music, but he’s too busy talking to the girl to notice.

“man, he’s clearly busy,” kelce says with a laugh.

“i agree. looks like that one’s for you, rafe.” you look at him with a giddy smile, leaning forward on the table, palms pressed flat. he wishes you wouldn’t—he can see down the front of your dress from this angle. you cheer when rafe chugs the cup of cheap beer.

he should make the next one just to get back at you, but he doesn’t want you to get too drunk. instead he misses, the ball falling right into kelce’s hands.

if you were sober, you’d roll your eyes—you’d recognize that rafe missed on purpose. he’s better at this than all of you combined.

“give me five,” rafe says to top, casting one more glance back at you and kelce before walking towards a group of people on the couches and fishing something out of his pocket.

he’s gone, at most, ten minutes, and returns to find kelce missing. his place is taken by some brunette boy, who is currently trying to show you the best way to toss the ball. he’s standing awful close, a hand on your shoulder, his gaze on your exposed skin while you stare at the red cups.

“who the fuck is this?” rafe barks, though with the music blasting, only topper can hear him.

“i dunno, kelce ran off with that chick he’s been hooking up with-” the white ping pong ball lands in the red cup closest to rafe. he hopes he doesn’t look up to see something that’s gonna piss him off, but it’s dashed in seconds—you hugging the stranger in glee that you made another shot.

he swings around the table, shooting a glare at the boy while putting himself in between the two of you. he faces the boy first.

“get lost.” the boy tries to say something, but rafe interrupts before he can get a word out. “get. lost.” you watch him scramble away, rafe turning to face you.

“c’mon. we’re done with pong.”

“but i made the last one!”

“i said we’re done. y’lucky i don’t take your ass home.”

“we just got here. why would you take me home?” you question.

for all the big talk, all the jokes and banter and emotions you’re trying to bury, you still don’t understand the simple truth known to everyone that’s ever met you and rafe—he’s never going to be happy seeing you with any boy besides himself.

“what’s wrong?” you question softly, looking up at him with big, confused, drunk eyes, not snarky like he thought you might be.

“no. just.. stop talkin’ to strangers, s’all.”

“but he was nice!” you yell over the music, picking up another cup from the table and taking a sip. you hate beer, but they took top’s jeep and not rafe’s truck, so there’s no spiked seltzer here for you.

“no he wasn’t.” he takes the cup from your hand, pouring half the beer out into another cup before shoving it back in your hand.

“yeah he was! don’t you want that? the sooner i find a nice guy we can stop all of this, right?” you look at him earnestly, before chugging the rest of your beer.

“alright, you’re cut off.”

the rest of the night goes by the same as all the others—kelce and top into a competition to see who can get more drunk, you tipsy enough to talk loudly about anything that comes to mind and rafe scaring away any guy who stares at you for too long. you stare at rafe’s back when he goes to sell, watching a pretty girl touch his arm when he’s counting the cash she’s handed him.

you look away since you feel the beer coming back up, anger bubbling. you focus on topper, trying to follow along with his nonsensical conversation about his ex-girlfriend.

“don’t worry,” kelce says, and you turn your gaze on him, confused. “he didn’t even look at her.”

“what?” but his eyes aren’t on you, glancing behind you. you turn, though you shouldn’t, looking at rafe, two girls laughing at something while he opens the little white packet for them. glancing at kelce, and then at top, who is keeled over on the sofa, nursing a half-empty bottle of tequila just by himself, you walk over to where rafe is.

“wait, don’t-” kelce calls out after you, but you don’t listen.

“rafe, i think top’s ready to go. are you?” you interrupt his conversation with the two girls, and though you despise the fact that you’re doing this, you realize kelce was right. he wasn’t even looking at them. you gesture at your two other best friends on the couch, kelce trying to yank the bottle from top’s grip.

“yeah, kid. c’mon, this place is dead anyways.” you smile, though you shouldn’t let rafe see it. no, your smile is for the girls. you feel an unparalled joy when rafe swings his arm around you, guiding you back to the couch.

you shouldn’t look back, but you do. the girls look mad and you feel happy.

this is fucked—the very thought sobers you. you shouldn’t be happy that those girls think there’s something between you and rafe, but you are.

rafe manhandles topper into standing up, while kelce turns to talk to you. he’s drunk, and it comes out like a laugh. you smile, thinking he’s going to make some joke about top and tequila.

“you’re just as toxic as he is. hah. and i thought rafe was bad-”

“what?” you ask, but rafe cuts you off before you can figure out what kelce means.

“kelce, it’s your job to make sure he doesn’t puke in the back.”

“man, why am i always on top watch-”

in the car, you pick the music while rafe drives. you notice he keeps an eye out in the backseat, with top’s head half out the window and kelce texting on his phone.

“did you sell a lot?” you ask. you’ve never really mentioned it before, so rafe didn’t expect it tonight.

kelce’s words linger in your head. if you weren’t sober before he said that, you certainly are now.

“enough. why?”

“just wondering. i saw you before we left, that’s all.” you look at the road ahead, listening to the quiet tune of the bryson tiller song you’d put on.

“you saw me?”

“with the pretty girl throwing herself at you? hard not to see.” you regret the words as soon as they leave your mouth—you sound bitter and angry, two things you truly are, but you don’t want rafe to know already.

“what, you jealous, kid?”

“why would i be jealous? you’re not my boyfriend.” it comes out louder than you expected, trying to talk over top and kelce’s voices in the backseat.

“no, m’not.”

you bite your cheek and stare out the window.

“not to interrupt, or anything, but i think top’s gonna puke-” you jolt when rafe slams on the brakes.

tannyhill is fifteen minutes from where the party was, but it takes fifty minutes to get back. rafe pulled over twice to let topper puke on the side of the road, so it’s three am before the four of you get back.

you want to go home—the alcohol in your system and unfinished conversation with rafe have left you feeling queasy too, but it’s three in the morning. top and kelce are too drunk to drive you, and you don’t want to ask rafe.

you decide that you don’t want to be alone with rafe either, changing into one of the shirts you’d brought from home and stupidly looking down realizing it’s one of rafe’s. did you own a single t-shirt that wasn’t from his closet? where had all of your clothes gone?

grumpy that you’re in his clothes, upset that he had pretty much admitted he wasn’t your boyfriend, and riddled with the assumption that he meant he would never be your boyfriend, you collect a pillow and one of the blankets from his bed, walking out the door when you hear rafe’s voice saying your name.

“where the hell are you goin’?” facing him, you stare at your feet.

“the couch.”

“when have you ever slept on the couch here?”

“i’m starting something new.”

“get in bed before i drag you there.” you groan, thumping both feet on the ground before stalking into the room. rafe exhales loudly, loud enough that you hear it, before muttering something under his breath and following you inside, closing the door.

you sit on the bed, but before you can think about what you’ve done, you bunch up a pillow in your hand.

“you-” you throw the pillow at rafe, which misses him completely. “suck!” the second thuds against his chest, before falling on the ground. you huff from your position on the bed.

rafe picks up both pillows, dropping them on the bed.

“what the hell was that?”

“this whole thing was a mistake.”

“it’s been two days.”

“well i’m an emotional fuck!”

“yeah, i can tell.” you pick up the pillow again, whacking rafe’s side with it.

“ugh! you can’t just-” your hands falter, dropping next to you while you look up at rafe through wet eyes. “-just say that us sleeping together is a good idea because you don’t want me with any other guys. what the fuck am i supposed to do with that?”

“i don’t know! you’re the fuckin’ clueless one. what’d you think that means?”

“stop! just tell me! stop making me think, i’m so drunk and everything is mental gymastics with you-”

“well stop throwin’ my own pillows at me!”

“you suck, rafe. all of this and you can’t just tell me whether you like me or not?”

in hindsight, you don’t know where the question came from. maybe a small part of you that wasn’t willfully ignorant suspected a long time ago that the way rafe acts towards you is more than just overprotective friendship. you had buried the thought the second it emerged—rafe cameron doesn’t have girlfriends, doesn’t do relationships. the rafe that’s been your best friend was your best friend for that very reason, because you weren’t in love with him.

or at least you thought you weren’t in love with him. and at least, he thought you weren’t in love with him.

the truth, you’re beginning to realize, watching rafe grab the pillow you’re about to hit him with out of your hands and set it down, is that rafe only acts the way he does with you, and no one else. the drinks you like in the back of his car, his shirts in your closet, the bed you share and all the time you two spend alone. you thought it was a great friendship, and maybe it was. but all along there’s been something bubbling underneath the surface, the feeling in the pit of your stomach when he started talking to that girl, how angry you get when you see him with any girl that’s not you.

you thought rafe’s a dick for giving you such a hard time about any boy you try to talk to. he is a dick, but you’re the bitch that can’t stand seeing him with another girl.

and as the thoughts rush through your head, rafe looks at you in his bed, in his shirt, and realizes the answer to your question is that there’s no one in the world he likes more than you.

“you should have told me ‘bout the emotional fuck part.”

“you should have just confessed.”

“nah, not really my thing.” he sits down on the bed next to you, and you stare up at blue eyes that are looking at you, a smile on his lips. “this whole thing was a bad idea.”

“it’s been two days,” you mock.

“yeah, well, we tried it.”

“do you regret it?” you hold your breath for the moment of truth.

“c’mon kid. yeah, i do. ‘cause i’m not letting you out of my sight after this. you’re dating me or no one at all.”

“so if we break up-”

“straight to the convent for you. don’t worry, i’ll send you a care package. strawberry seltzer and those porno books-”

“shut up.”

“you shut up. and get the fuck into bed. it’s late.”

“you don’t want one last emotional fuck? on your last day as a single man?” you tease, crawling under the sheets. “learn how to read a clock. it’s past midnight.”

“oh. whatever, you know what i mean.”

“i guess i can be convinced-” he leans in for a kiss, and you hold your breath waiting for it, when there’s a sharp knock on the door.

“guys. sorry to interrupt whatever the hell this is, but i think top needs to get his stomach pumped.”

#love you mean it #kook trio reader #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #obx rafe cameron #outerbanks rafe #rafe obx #obx fanfiction #rafe outer banks

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