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Living and Learning

It’s 2017 now, and boy, have things changed. One of my New Years Resolutions is to express myself more through writing. I remember that at one time, I considered myself a pretty good writer. So, here’s to hoping that I can keep this up.

I almost forgot I had this account. It’s been so long since I’ve been on it (I actually have two other accounts--one for artsy things and another for memes because “find a girl who can do both,” right?) Anyway, I just read over my past posts, and there’s so much I wish I could tell former me. It’s amazing how things have changed. So here are some responses I’d like to tell 2014 me: 

When You Know: Fun fact...the next semester you change your major. You were passionate about TV and becoming a producer. But things change. Goals and dreams change, and that’s okay because when you’re a senior in college you’re happy with your decision because you took some great classes and met some wonderful people along the way. It’s okay for dreams to change. Just keep pursuing them.

Wanting Someone Who Wants Someone Else: Another fun fact...you wrote that on November 3, 2014. On December 12, 2014, you’ll match on Tinder with the love of your life. You’ll never think about that guy you wanted so badly again or that girl again. Your heart will feel so whole and not thanks to him, but to a guy you will meet and fall in love with just months after posting that. And let me tell you, the best feeling in the world is being wrapped in your love’s arms while the two of you are wrapped in warm blankets watching Netflix. You can have it all! And those tags in the post honestly hurt 2017-you’s heart. You are someone. You’re so important. You should not define your worth on how much you are liked by someone (who does not even matter in the grand scheme of things.) Also, you’re not forever alone :)

The Man Who Can’t Be Named: It was toxic to obsess so much over that guy, but you’re human, so it’s okay. It was probably healthy for your roommate to pinch you every time you said his name because he wasn’t worth your time. He didn’t appreciate your time, and as said in the previous paragraph, you end up finding someone who appreciates and loves you wholeheartedly. 

I liked reading the posts about country music, enjoying the little and simple things, and reminding everyone that they’re really awesome. I think that 2014 me accomplished the goal of this tumblr blog to be very open. It’s okay if not everything makes sense because thoughts trail in different directions because life trails in different directions, so just take the ride. 

I’m so excited to get posting again and opening up my mind. If anyone who may read this knows any blogs about the human condition or rants or life advice let me know, and I’ll give a follow! I’m interested to revisit this side of tumblr.

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You're A Really Awesome Person

It's true. Whoever is reading this, I can guarantee there is something about you that someone else loves. It could be be anything as stereotypically wonderful as bring kind, driven, or beautiful to something less obvious like how you give your little brother a ride to school, share your cookie, or just hold a crying friend. 

I think everyone is too hard on themselves. We mix up the idea of "be the best you can be" with being "perfect." None of us are perfect nor can we ever be. I don't think people tell each other enough how they feel about one another. Maybe there's a fear of seeming weird or clingy, but I just think that it should be said more. People need to start building each other up instead of tearing each other down in this judgmental and shaming world.

We all make tons of mistakes, but we're human. We're alive. We make fools of ourselves and have to sometimes pick up the pieces alone. A friend once told me the only purpose in life is to live. We can strive to reach a certain level of happiness in life, but we only have a small amount of time left. What's the point in pushing limits and striving to reach some aspect of perfection if oblivion is inevitable? In 20,000 years no one will remember any of us so what's the point? He said there is no point. The only purpose in life is to live. We get so wrapped up in small things like failed tests, broken relationships, and mistakes that make it seem like the end of the world. We're living, though, and that's an amazing accomplishment. 

I know this has gone in many directions, but to wrap it all up, everyone is really awesome in some way. Maybe just the fact that you're breathing is good enough. Do what you will with your time on earth here because you're alive. Don't sweat the insignificant things because in the grand scheme of things, nothing matters except getting the most of your time here.

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taylorswift

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The Man Who Can't Be Named

No, not Voldemort. I'm training myself to stop talking about and thinking about a boy. I've learned that when I beat myself up over the fact that I like a guy who will never like me back that it's only hurting myself. It's toxic for my self esteem but more importantly my happiness. I need to learn how to rely on my own self for my happiness. Somewhere in my single-and-never-have-been-in-a-relationship mind I think that if I'm in a relationship, everything will be better. I'll have someone to trust and go to about anything.

I'm learning that it won't be the man who can't be named, and that's tough. He seems perfect to me. Tall, dark, and handsome, has a bright future planned, over achiever, hard worker, smart, melodic laugh, great sense of humor, but able to sit down and have a normal conversation too. But then I get the other side that he doesn't show romantic interest in me. If a relationship is to work, then both parties have to be on board or it'll create major conflict in the future. 

Again, I'm learning to be okay with the fact that this man I have a major crush on does not have the same feelings. It's hard to be okay with it. So I'm making my roommate pinch me on my arm every time I say his name or reference him. I'm hoping that if he's not constantly at the forefront of my mind he will eventually fade from it.

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Wanting Someone Who Wants Someone Else

Love. Sometimes you think it's awesome. Sometimes you just wish it would go away and be replaced with Netflix, ice cream, and warm blankets to keep yourself warm instead of having someone else's arms wrapped around you.

I've been given a lot of advice from friends lately about this guy who I have a huge crush on who has given me no signs that he likes me back. There's a girl who tells everyone she has a crush on him, and he might like her back. And she's pretty and likable and basically perfect for him. All of my friends say he's not worth my time if he's not going to show anything back to me. I just don't know what hurts more--knowing that he probably will never ask me out and trying so hard to accept that or watching him fall for another girl. Watching him fall for another girl seriously makes my stomach twist. Trying to accept the fact that nothing will happen is just so incredibly hard for me because I'm very optimistic about getting what I want in life. I've never been in a relationship before, and the hookup culture in college disgusts me. 

I don't know where I'm going with this post, and maybe I'm just being incredibly naive, but hey I'm human, and I feel things. And sometimes emotions suck but it shows I'm alive.