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His Only Desire

Based on The Civil War’s song “Devil’s Backbone”

Castiel stared down at his clasped hands. For once in his very long existence, he felt perfectly still. The storms inside him had calmed their thrashing, the fire in his heart had dulled to a vague glow. The rapid currents that always flowed under his skin stopped and came to a mirror-smooth halt. He just sat, unmoving, unwavering, undone.

Then, finally, movement. Cas' throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, eyes suddenly casting up towards the ceiling, half accusation, half pleading.

"Oh, Lord..." he began before stuttering to a halt. Never had speaking to Him come with such difficulty. The words used to drift like dandelion seeds off his lips, light and free and easy. Now...

"Father," he rumbled, the word sitting low in his chest. "Father, what have I done?" He closed his eyes and shook his head minutely. "No, I know what I've done. I have spent enough time amongst humans to know exactly what I've done." Castiel glanced around the motel room that he'd checked into. The Winchesters were on their way to work a case. The room would soon be filled with them. The scent of gun cleaner and gunpowder. The taste of cheap beer on the air. The rumble of oh so familiar voices. And Dean...

"What do I do? I seem to have... Fallen. Again. Differently this time." Castiel almost smiled at the joke, but he couldn't make his lips curve upwards. "An angel of the lord, heaven's soldier, righteous and unending, just and good... And I've fallen for someone who is nothing like you." Again he swallowed hard, this time past a lump in his throat. He had never said it out loud before.

"He does what he has to do. His life is perpetually held aloft by a hangman's noose." A shudder ran down Castiel's spine, and he found the words suddenly spilling from his mouth. His Grace trembled under the weight of ten thousand unsaid things. Thoughts that he had squirreled away to the back of his mind, never to see the light again.

"Dean is sustained by beer, burgers, sin, and family. He was raised on the edge of the devil's backbone, destined to fight for You, and now he's stuck in between. I have seen Dean Winchester enraptured by joy, taken by rage, shattered by sorrow, and gutted and left empty. I raised him up from Hell, I have watched him die, I have killed him a thousand, ten thousand, one hundred thousand times. We have walked and fought side-by-side. He tore through Purgatory to find me, and embraced me when I was little more than a toxin."

Castiel fell silent again, still staring up at the ceiling. Dust motes swirled in a blade of light peaking through the curtains. He watched them drift with the expression of a confused child, vulnerable and unsure. He didn't say that his Grace hummed the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard when Dean Winchester was near. Nor did Castiel count the number of times that he had gone stargazing, staring at the constellations of freckles on Dean's face. There was no way to voice the hidden imaginings of an angel who was more human than holy. Secret thoughts that lived in his heart of hearts. Whispers in his ear that he could never, would never repeat.

Slowly, slowly, Castiel lowered his gaze down to his clasped hands again. His knuckles were white and strained.

"There have been a thousand times that I have wished..." he murmured towards the floor, "That I could take Dean Winchester home. I wish I could send him back, to his unbroken family, to his untainted home. There have been a thousand more times that I have wished I could bring Dean Winchester home with me. To hide away in the most beautiful corner of Heaven we could find, where nothing can touch him." His voice broke on the last few words, cracking and crumbling slightly. "Where nothing can touch us. Where... Where there is an us."

Outside the motel room, Cas heard Baby roar into the parking lot. He closed his eyes and imagined Dean directing the Impala into a parking spot. The engine cut off. He would only have a few minutes before they found the room he had rented for them.

"I have one last request for you. Just one. Not from an angel to his Lord, not a man to his God, but from a son to his father. If I have ever asked for or wanted anything else, I was wrong."

There was silence in the room again, as Castiel directed every thought, every emotion, every ounce of his ephemeral, ancient being into one idea. His one request, his only desire.

"Please. Don't take this sinner from me."

[officiallykaitlynleigh-blog]

MY BOOK IS UP FOR PRE-ORDER!

Sorry for yelling at you, but I’m just so damn excited! My book, Never Find Me, the love of my heart for several years now, is finally finished! And edited! And ready to publish!  In fact, it’ll be officially published as of April 29th!  Physical copies and Kindle edition.  Right now, Kindle edition is up for pre-order, and soon physical copies will be too!

Guy’s I’m so freaking pumped, you have no (maybe some) idea.  This is the beginning of my dream.

And I wanted to share it with you! 

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Pre-order date is coming up!  Next! Friday!

Hey Guys

Exciting news from the desk of Kaitlyn Leigh!

My novel, Never Find Me, which has been a large part of my heart for quite some time now… IS GETTING PUBLISHED!  I’ve had a novella published prior to this, but this… This is something different.  This is special! I have worked very hard to get to this point.

Never Find Me will be available for pre-order on April 1st (Nope, that’s not a joke), and will officially release on April 29th.  Print books and e-books both will be available.

I’m so very excited for this to happen, and I can’t wait to share this story with everyone!

[officiallykaitlynleigh-blog]

[officiallykaitlynleigh-blog]

URL Change!

blackenedmoonlight ---> officiallykaitlynleigh

I will be using this a little more as a PR blog as well as my normal blog as I foray into my adventures as an author!

[officiallykaitlynleigh-blog]

[officiallykaitlynleigh-blog]

Hey Guys

Exciting news from the desk of Kaitlyn Leigh!

My novel, Never Find Me, which has been a large part of my heart for quite some time now... IS GETTING PUBLISHED!  I’ve had a novella published prior to this, but this... This is something different.  This is special! I have worked very hard to get to this point.

Never Find Me will be available for pre-order on April 1st (Nope, that’s not a joke), and will officially release on April 29th.  Print books and e-books both will be available.

I’m so very excited for this to happen, and I can’t wait to share this story with everyone!

[officiallykaitlynleigh-blog]

Sherlock: The Abominable Bride (2016) + Misogyny

I am your landlady, not a plot device!

[officiallykaitlynleigh-blog]

Okay guys this is kinda important. GQ just came in the mail and for the first time in a long while it had a really important article…

I just sat here for like the last half hour reading this and I’m incredibly appalled at our justice system in regards to the military. The article interviews about 23 men who have all been sexually assaulted in some branch of the military. The PTSD from sexual assault in the military is more prevalent than PTSD from combat…

If you have a chance I suggest reading this article…and the title is a quote that one of the victims Doctor told him…

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You may be asking yourself ‘’why is a star trek url doing a star wars giveaway?’’ that is bc,currently, star wars is my LIFE. its so good. i know a lot of my followers love it and i would like to do smth nice for them and for all star wars fans. pls dont make fun of my edit i made it in like a minute on my phone., RIP. 

Rules!! (pls read ALL of this, there’s stuff  concerning the prizes you need to know!!)

Likes and reblogs BOTH count, reblog as much as you want. Idc if you spam your followers, if they unfollow you that’s on you, sorry.

You must be following  me  cause it’s a giveaway for my cutie followers, so u gotta be a follower. (since ur probably already cute)

Giveaway ends April 1st (No this isnt a joke) (Its just an easy date for me to remember) 

If the winner chooses to be named publicly, DO NOT send them hate. Please please PLEASE.

There will only be one winner, they will receive everything above.

I’ll ship anywhere, and I’ll cover shipping costs, cause it’d be stupid if you had to pay for it.

You’ll have to be comfortable giving me your address. 

I will order shirts in ANY size, dont worry about it 

If you dont want something, i will substitute it for another item of equal value, or you can choose to gift it to another entrant who i will pick by random number generator (not judgin u if ya choose to keep it) (i totally would tbh)

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me!

Items

BB-8 plushie (so fcking cute holy heck)

Phasma mug 

Star Wars T-shirt. Okay, some stipulations to this, the shirt DOESNT have to be the one above, it can literally be any star wars shirt of your choice under 20 bucks, just send me the link

Redbubble star wars stickers. thats right, stickers. plural. You will get 5 stickers from redbuble of your choosing, doesnt have to be that one. 

If this giveaway gets more notes, I will be adding more items. Once it hits 5k, I will add an extra shirt. 10k and you get an action figure of your choosing. 20k and I’ll buy you the entire first trilogy. i dont expect even over 5k but just putting this out there

That’s it! best of luck to all you super cute cuties out there! May the force be with you.

[officiallykaitlynleigh-blog]

Russell Howard’s Good News s10e07

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Please share this and stop the hate!

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If I walk into a Subway and ask them to make me a grilled cheese, do you think they’d do it?

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Cotton Fingers package

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[officiallykaitlynleigh-blog]

ESPN: “The Body Issue” Amanda Bingson, Paige Selenski, Natalie Coughlin, Leticia Bufoni, Ali Krieger, Aly Raisman,