oli-duarte - Tumblr blog

[oli-duarte]

For those not in the know, this is one of the Amanita mushrooms referred to as a Destroying Angel. Never, ever, ever, ever forage with an app. Especially for mushrooms.

[oli-duarte]

I’ve got to renew every once in a while

Like a flower that grows pink then whither and dies

And needs to be reborn in a new color

I can never stick to pink, it's sickened my blissful petals

But then the purple starts to get old to, and i’ve got to go blue

How I wish I could love a color forever. How I long to devote to something, to be intirely devoured

Without being smothered nor flooded. Without losing any leaves.

[oli-duarte]

I'm stuck.

I feel like the life of my dreams is right next door

Banging, incessantly

But I can't open up

I kick my legs

I twitch my head

I try to scream

But there's something keeping me seated

Keeping me quiet

Do I even want to get up at all?

No, stop, I'm stuck

[oli-duarte]

I want to pour my soul onto someone. I want to tell them about the people I talked to today, I want to tell them the story behind the way I walk, tell them my imaginary adventures on the daily life, about how I deal with the word, about how my relation with my dad has improved, about how the lunch in school was terrible.

I might be to much for this body

[oli-duarte]

I can feel it beneath my skin. There is a love, a passion dying inside me, stiffled. My muscles get weak, brain, sick. I get up every day, I cook, I wash dishes, I work. Life goes on, but living without it is weirdly empty. Its silence is unbearably loud.

[oli-duarte]

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" no but this applies to writing too! The story is what happens on the character's inside while their busy doing the plot

[oli-duarte]

I HAVE MY MOTHER'S FACE AND HER GRIEF

Janet Fitch // Lady Bird (2017) dir. Greta Gerwig // Chen Chen // Youadan Teddy // Ocean Vuong Someday I'll Love Ocean Vuong // Mitski Class of 2013 // 誰も知らない Nobody Knows (2004) dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda // Fatima Aamer Bilal days where my whole world is my bed. // death-born-aphrodite (tumblr) // Ocean Vuong On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous // Hieu Minh Nguyen Buffet Etiquette

[oli-duarte]

At 25 I learned that self care isn’t bubble baths and chocolate

It’s wrapping bandages on the marks on your arm so the pain would stop abit

It’s singing to yourself to stop crying

It’s forcing yourself and loving yourself and parenting yourself

To be your own father, your own mother, and your own .

And it’s so fucking hard …

[oli-duarte]

I forgot how lonely it is to write original fiction.

Where are the kudos? The subscriptions? The comments? The people cheerleading me chapter to chapter? Where are the kind words and compliments and reassurances that what I'm writing isn't complete crap? Where are the unhinged emojis? The asks on Tumblr? Where are my mutuals in my dms apologizing for not reading the latest chapter right away (side note, you know you don't have to apologize at all, right??). Where is the fanart? Where are the recs?

Where is my motivation to keep going?

It's something I've been thinking about a lot, actually, lately. How the experience of writing fanfic is so unique. How you already have an audience, willing and waiting and captive. And that's really it, isn't it? You have an audience. It's almost performative, writing fanfic. It's being on a stage, a one-person show (or two, if you do it with a friend); it's getting live reactions to your performance, it's feeding off the energy of the crowd and informing it back in a feedback loop; it's improvised, sometimes, in almost-real-time. It's building something that you couldn't have built by yourself. A thing that takes on a life of its own.

It's an experience you can't get writing original fiction, and, honestly, not having it is making it hard to write something original at all.

[oli-duarte]

How To End Your Story

The Circle Ending: A story that does a full circle and comes back to the beginning

The Moral Ending: An ending where you learn a lesson and see the character develop

The Surprise Ending: A big plot twist last-minute

The Reflection Ending: The character looks back on their past achievements and experiences

The Emotional Ending: Leave your readers feelings sad, bittersweet, or happy

The Cliffhanger Ending: End on something that will leave your readers at the edge of their seat

The Humor Ending: Finish in a funny or humorous way

The Question Ending: Make the reader wonder what will happen next

The Image Ending: Show, don't tell

The Dialogue Ending: Finish with a quote from one of your characters

[oli-duarte]

There's a truth about me I've confessed to myself

I'm actully terrible with words

yet cursed to love them

[oli-duarte]

I'm not turbulent anymore, everything should be fine, yet its not. My cells stretch and my soul aches but I don't know what they mean. I might be going insane

[oli-duarte]

I think people might be just bags of frustration, dazzled by momentary happiness and full-fillment

I reckon life might be just infinite cycles of remembering and forgetting

[oli-duarte]

I dont want someone to love me by the idea of me, fuck the idea of me, that one's bullshit

i want someone to suck me to the bone

to learn about my intimate

about how I feel, despite the way i speak

about what makes me do what I do, act how I act

to know what dwells and what pounds inside my head

because that's the way I love

I might be compelled by the idea of you

But I'll suck you to your fucking bones

[oli-duarte]

As I see you, so little, I want to spare you from all the pain of this world

so your soul can always stay this crystal clear

but denying you pain is restraining your growth

And you deserve to become something bigger, to see your own strenth

I don't want you to suffer at all, but I must let you become you

[oli-duarte]

writers: writing is tearing a hole in my brain

people: why don't you take a break?

writers: not writing is an unforgivable transgression i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy

[oli-duarte]

I've been waiting for a lifetime.

There's always something I'm longing for, always something to ache for

I try not to be consumed by it

but it's hard to live hungry

unsatisfiable me

I pull my brain back to its place

But every piece of me is starving