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i am a heart

in three pieces

and i will never 

beg

to have it glued back together

because it is held together by love

and blood

we share

and i will never be “whole”

again

because i would rather love

than be pure

to people that could never

make me so happy

(even if one of you doesn’t know i exist,

even if one of you doesn’t text me anymore)

~ my heart is not a mosaic   it is a showcase that i am alive and that i know what it is to love

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The silence

And yes,

we broke up.

Not with shouting,

not with final words

but with silence,

slow and sharp like a knife left in.

The silence said it all.

Those long, empty nights,

where the walls echoed with everything

we didn’t say.

The way my chest felt hollow

even when I breathed.

The way the bed felt colder

even under a blanket of memories.

You didn’t leave all at once

you faded.

And I?

I let you.

I was someone

who did wrong

when everything was right.

I had you,

I had us

and still, I couldn’t hold on.

All I needed

was to understand my heart.

But I was too afraid to listen,

too lost to see what was slipping away.

And yes,

there are nights I wish

I could close my eyes

and not open them again

not because I want to die,

but because I want the ache to stop.

But I know now

that’s not a sin.

It’s a scar.

And scars mean you lived through it.

Sometimes, the mind breaks

when the heart’s been screaming too long.

Sometimes, we don’t realize

we’re the storm

until everything is ruined.

But even now,

even after the silence and the ending,

I carry your love

like a ghost that won't leave.

And maybe

just maybe

owning my part in the fall

is the first step

toward rising again.

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it's miserable being loved by someone like me. because i don't just love. i collapse. quietly. completely. endlessly.

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All these fancy place and people makes me sad.

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I'm lost, but hope keeps me full.

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You Make This World Beautiful

I am proud of my femininity

because it comes from you.

They say the world is cold,

that no one will hold you

when you're lost in the dark,

no one will love you

if you’re too loud,

too soft,

too broken,

too much.

They say beauty is fleeting,

that kindness is a weakness,

that no one stays when the light fades.

But you

you stayed.

You loved me

when I was nothing but a heartbeat in your womb,

when you didn’t know what I would become,

when the world gave you no promises.

You carried my weight

without knowing if I’d lift yours one day.

You held me before I could ever hold myself.

They said life is harsh.

They said no one really cares.

But you did.

You do.

You made me believe this world was beautiful

and for so long I thought I was foolish

for holding on to that dream.

But I see now

it was never the world.

It was you, Ma.

It’s always been you.

You are the beauty.

You are the warmth.

You are the reason

this world ever felt like home.

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No one talks about how hard it is when your mood is constantly switching between "Its okay, i don't care. i'm fine" and "I don't know how much more i can take."

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the most relatable quote ever

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They say he grants your wish if you truly manifest it.

So tonight, I wish for my heart to stop beating

Just so I can meet you tomorrow,

To see if you truly fulfill the wishes whispered in silence.

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I wish my breath would fade away,

Like a whisper lost at the break of day.

No more pain, no more sound,

Just silence where I'm not found.

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Should I just give up, let everything go,

Let the wind take my dreams like leaves in the snow?

Should I stop trying, let the world decide,

And watch as my hopes slowly drift with the tide?

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“glimpses”

glimpses of pleasure glimpses of pain we get glimpses of life until only glimpses remain

glimpses of yesterday glimpses of tomorrow happiness a paltry glimpse wish the same of sorrow

glimpses of adrenaline glimpses of the insane wish the rush was more than a glimpse staring daily at the mundane

glimpses of life glimpses of death everything a tiny glimpse until our very last breath

glimpses of the future glimpses of the past life is but a fleeting glimpse yet death forever lasts

I see a glimpse of you you see a glimpse of me is love to be the merest glimpse or will it forever be

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As if victory exists only in the mind, in memories, in dreams, leaving you so lost and dumbfounded in finding happiness in small things that you forget what true happiness really looks like.

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I have yet to find a room I belong to.

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We are members of the human race and the human race is filled with passion.

~ Oh Captain

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I am gonna make that 11 year old self Proud ONE DAY

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She left her heart up there when she was 11, unaware that her soul would long for it every single day. Now to get it back, she must work harder and harder, learning the rhythm it has danced to since then, a rhythm that only the sky knows.