oneshotsfunshots

[oneshotsfunshots]

we have to start expressing vocal disgust at 'ironic' homophobia again in a big way. if you can't explain to me how calling a guy a twinky little fruitcake valorises the terminology vs. reducing and demeaning him for perceived femininity I don't want to hear it. nobody is off the hook for this.

[oneshotsfunshots]

And that's that. I've created the greatest mini ever. Time to retire. Goodbye everyone!

[oneshotsfunshots]

Carnivorous Sheep, D&D stats by Jim Williams, illustrated by Aaron Arocho, from the "Monster Matrix" pages of The Dungeoneer 17, Judges Guild, May/June 1980

[oneshotsfunshots]

Homebrew D&D One Shot #21

A one pager since this guys whole deal is tougher to make a long adventure out of. But hey, that's what low levels are for. Rather than a darklord, I decided to take Steze in a more tragic direction that presents a neat morality decision for a new Ravenloft crew to make.

[oneshotsfunshots]

Homebrew D&D One Shot #21

A one pager since this guys whole deal is tougher to make a long adventure out of. But hey, that's what low levels are for. Rather than a darklord, I decided to take Steze in a more tragic direction that presents a neat morality decision for a new Ravenloft crew to make.

[oneshotsfunshots]

CJ The X on Perfectionism

[oneshotsfunshots]

Azalin Reviews: Darklord Wilfred Godefroy

Domain: Mordent Domain Formation: 579 BC Power Level:  💀💀 ⚫⚫⚫ Sources: Domains of Dread (2e), Realm of Terror Boxset (2e), I Strahd, The War Against Azalin (Novel) , Ravenloft Gazetteer Vol III (3e) Content Warning: Suicide, violence against women I’ve been to Lord Godefroy’s inconsequential Domain and did not find Mordent to be very memorable. Mordent is a coastal domain of thick, ancient forests, mist shrouded moors, unreliable maps, and uncared for roads. The state of disrepair in Mordent makes Barovia appear modern and civilized. Mordent is an old and haunted land; the perfect home for our ghostly Darklord, Lord Godefroy. The landscape itself is said to shift at the whims of the Mists, making any maps unreliable and travelers are forced to listen to nonsensical directions from the locals. Godefroy’s history is obscured and simple, much like Godefroy himself who’s personality is boiled down to the arrogant, conceited snob that dominates artrocrate society. He inherited the Gryphon Hill estate in Mordentshire and shortly after married Estelle Weathermay. The two had a child, Lilia. Godefroy, wanting a son did little to conceal his disappointment at obtaining a daughter. Little is known on what led to the events where he beat his own wife and daughter to death, but history indicates he was a violent man with a vile temper. Estelle and Lilia came back to haunt him. Each night they reminded him of his horrendous crime against them until he was driven into madness and sought escape by ending his own life. But he did not find the escape he sought and instead found himself brought back as a spirit still haunted by the ghosts of his wife and child. At this time, Mordent had not become an official Domain yet but Godefroy’s actions were noted by the Dark Powers, who just love sticking their nose in other people’s business…But I digress. It was, interestingly, the actions of a far powerful Darklord (myself, naturally) and his assistance (a vampire of no real consequence) who caused Mordent to become an official Demiplane. I had created a portal to Mordent, but when my assistant and I left, the Dark Powers clung to the “most powerful” thing left in the domain and went for Godefroy. In essence, he became a Darklord by default. As a Darklord, he can travel throughout his Domain, but tends to stick to the House of Gryphon Hill. The house is interesting, almost a sentient being with a mind of its own and an aura of evil that many can feel from miles away. Other than not being tied to one place and his immunity to “turn undead”, Godefroy is just like any other ghost except he’s still haunted by his wife and child. Every night they track him down and curse him for their murders. A ghost haunted by ghosts who became a Darklord by default and doesn’t even rule anything. How do I even rate this nonsense? The only interesting thing to come out of Mordent are the Weathermay-Foxgrove twins. van Richten’s latest guide changed some of Godefroy’s tale, which I will address next Thursday.

[oneshotsfunshots]

Azalin Reviews: Stezen D’Polarno

Darklord: Stezen D’Polarno Domain: Ghastria Domain formation: 584 BC (fan canon) Power Level: 💀💀 ⚫⚫⚫ (2/5 skulls) Sources: Darklords (2e) Stezen D’Polarno is the Darklord of Ghastria, a Domain that was once part of the Core before the Grand Conjunction. Though given it laid to the west of Sithicus, I think I did Stezen a favor by spiriting his realm away from the Lord of the BBQ Rose’s influence. Ghastria was once part of the prime material plane and was ruled by King Oderic IX. Stezen was a rather influential nobleman under his fidelity. The masses adored Stezen, for he championed their causes. At least, he made all appearances of doing so, but in reality, Stezen only ever championed for his own comfort and benefit. Naturally, anyone who discovered the truth of his persona met an untimely demise. Historians estimate that Stezen was responsible for over 100 deaths prior to his imprisonment in the Mists. King Oderic made the mistake many hands-off monarchs make and let Stezen continue on with his lavish parties and spirited speeches without lifting so much as an eyebrow. Of course, this led Stezen to move against the King. One winter when resources were low, Stezen informed the populace that the King was hording a secret stash of grain. The peasantry, who are generally easily swayed by charismatic individuals, rose up against Oderic. Most of them were executed for their efforts and Stezen was thrown in prison. Still, despite sharing this grain with his people and ensuring them that he had planned to all along, many sided with D’Polarno. Wishing to defame Stezen for good, Oderic had one of his mistresses cast a rather impressive feat of magic on the nobleman, which caged part of his life force in a magical painting. Within she trapped his vibrancy and love for life. Without those features, he became a melancholic, hateful man. His parties, when he even bothered to host them, were drab and boring. The populace soon turned from him, favoring the King once more. As his standing continually decreased, Stezen, in a desperate attempt to regain his lost ‘soul’, rallied what allies he had left and orchestrated another attempt against the King. This time he was successful by using a technique favored in Borca and poisoned the entire royal family and staff. As the last of them fell, D’Polarno claimed the enchanted painting, but could not retain his spirit trapped within. Surrounded by corpses and crying over what was essentially a phylactery, Stezen was taken by the Mists and made the ruler of the new version of Ghastria. Naturally, upon entering this new land, Stezen was confused and more so when a young servant woman informed him, he was its master. And as he wished he had his soul back, the servant looked upon the painting and a ghostly, red fog seeped from her mouth and nostrils, then flowed directly into the painting. At that moment, Stezen felt a surge of emotions and zest for life once more. D’Polarano wasted this returning of his soul on a bought of debauchery, but the feeling only lasts about an hour before it faded once more.  Desperately, he forced every single servant in his household to gaze upon the painting, but nothing happened until three months past and the seasons changed. He has come to realize that the painting only restores his vitality once a season and he regains about an hour of his former persona for every individual that gazes upon it. Fifty such individuals may be drained at a single viewing. Of course, being from a rather small Domain, Stezen has to be careful on how often and how many people he uses to restore his love of life. Typically, he attempts to use outsiders for such purposes. The painting grants him immortality and eternal youth. If he is killed, he, eventually, comes back whole as long as the painting exists. As for his Domain, Ghastria is made up of mainly farmlands and a small town. Though the harvest is abundant, the people of Ghastria noticed that the produce is rather bland unless harvested as the seasons change. This is an obviously Stezen’s influence on the land itself. It is not just Strahd who is “the land”. All of us Darklords are…Strahd just happens to be the most egotistical about it. Stezen is akin to a lich without the benefit of arcane mastery nor the drawback of inhabiting a decaying corpse. He is clever and many say his seasonal parties are worth attending. I, personally, would bring a book to such events if I were inclined to even attend. It is difficult to determine a power level for Ravenloft’s Pictures of Stezen D’Polarano” as without his painting, he is just another nobleman. An influential nobleman, however, so I shall reward him two skulls.

[oneshotsfunshots]

Azalin Reviews: Darklord Ebonbane

Domain: Shadowborn Manor Formation: 611 BC Final Score: 💀💀💀 ⚫ ⚫ (3/5 Skulls) Sources: Darklords (2e), Secrets of the Dread Realms (3e), Ravenloft (3e), van Richten’s Guide to Ravenloft (5e)

Ebonbane is the Darklord of Shadowborn Manor. In van Richten’s most recent guide, the Mists have changed this from a single ancestral home to “The Shadowlands”, which is described as a forested land best known for its order of questing knights known as the “Circle” or the Order of the Circle.

Ebonbane’s history is tied directly to that of the Shadowborn family and in particular, Kateri Shadowborn. Ebonbane is a sword harboring an unnamed fiend forged for the sole purpose of destroying Kateri. The Shadowborn family was one of those do-gooder noble families that are all into donating to charity and other such nonsense, so, naturally, growing up amongst such piety, Kateri became a Paladin to increase her holier than thou aesthetics. Palidanhood suited Kateria and she traveled far and wide smiting foul creatures.

Being old and feeble, like some monster hunters I know that should have retired years ago, Kateri decided to hang up her sword and live out the rest of her days in the Shadowborn Family Manor. Of course, being a hunter of what she deemed to be “evil”, she made many enemies over the course of her life and some of them decided to seek vengeance. It wasn’t enough for them to just kill her, they wanted to do so in such a way that it would destroy her faith.

Priests of an unnamed evil deity created the Ebonbane to serve this purpose. The blade was fashioned from a strange metal from another dimension and carved with archaic, ominous runes of power that glow with an eerie black aura. The Priests summoned a being from the nether regions and sought to bind it to the blade, fully under their control. Foolish. They should have sought out the assistance of a powerful mage, but were secure in the belief that their own faith would be powerful enough to control this being. The spells they had cast to bind and control it were pathetically inadequate and they found themselves slaves to the Ebonbane instead of the other way around. Needless to say, the blade turned upon its creators.

Though, these Priests surprisingly weren’t completely inapt in their casting and they did manage to bestow their hatred for Lady Shadowborn into the blade. Knowing only this drive, the blade found its way into the hands of a monk that served Kateri and taking complete possession of the monk’s body and soul, it came into Shadowborn Manor. A battle of epic proportions raged on through the night, ending only when Ebonbane managed to destroy Kateri’s holy avenger and shortly after landed a killing blow on the aging paladin. This pulled Ebonbane and Shadowborn Manor into the Mists where the blade would be trapped forever as the Darklord of the newly formed realm.

Ebonbane, however, is not aware of its imprisonment, only its continued hatred for the Shadowborn. For, now Lady Kateri lives on as a geist and she can bring those of her blood into the realm in an attempt to slay the evil sword. As you can imagine, the Dark Powers do not make this easy and they play their game over the course of the centuries, neither ever truly winning. However, Kateri has the upper hand as she knows of four elemental keys that, once combined, can be used to destroy Ebonbane forever.

Interestingly, the 5e version of Ebonbane describes the sword as being Kateri’s accursed sword and ties the Shadowlands not only to the Shadowborn family but to Elena Faith-hold and Morgoroth. In past editions, Elena was a fallen paladin and Darklord of Nidala and Morgoroth was a ghost and Darklord of Avoleigh. Both Darklords were tied to the Shadowborn family and I shall be reviewing them in the future.

Ebonbane is a powerful weapon. The runes etched upon its metal allow it various abilities, allowing it to change those abilities on a daily basis. It can control any weapon, regardless of how intelligent said weapon is and use it against the one welding it. It can also dominate anyone foolish enough to try to weld it themselves. Ebonbane is a fiend of some unknown nature, much like the Dark Powers themselves, and trapped within a sword that is trapped within a small manor (or realm depending on which source you’re going with). I will award this sword a rare 3 rating for even though it doesn’t understand what has happened to it, at least it isn’t another vampire.

[oneshotsfunshots]

Azalin Reviews: Darklord Jack Karn

Darklord: Jack Karn Domain: Farelle Domain Formation: Unknown Power Level: 💀 ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ (1/5 skulls) Source: Realm of Terror (2e)

The scholars that study the realms of the mists have very little to say about Jack Karn, the jackalwere Darklord of the heavily forested Domain of Farelle. The measly scrapes of information published on Karn is that the people of Farelle are entirely unaware of Jack’s true nature and know him as a traveling tinker.

Jackalweres are jackals that can take the form of a humanoid or hybrid jackal-humanoid similar to a lycanthrope’s werebeast form. They’re often characterized as lying cowards. So…how would one particular beguiling coward gain the attention of our tormentors and be locked away in a prison of their own making?

Given that Jack is seen as a tinker, that most likely relates to his curse. A potential scenario is that Jack was a ‘Deceiver’. Deceivers are part of a mated pair that lead a group of their fellows and their ‘pet’ jackals. Perhaps this theoretical pair developed a love for thievery.

The two jackalweres were ruthless, using all of their cunning and deceit to amass a fortune of stolen wares, but it was never about the wealth for them, it was about the thrill of the hunt. Preying upon the weak and taking what was theirs for the taking. This is how the two Deceivers lived.

In time, Jack developed a greed for the stolen wealth. A greed that drove him and his mate apart. A greed that ultimately led to him killing his mate over some meager gemstone or another. For this, he was cast out of his clan of jackalweres and forced to roam the lands alone, but he never let go of his greed. He continued to hunt and steal until he came across a wondering tinker. Though the tinker did not have much, Jack’s green was insatiable and he killed the tinker all the same. Unknown to Jack, the tinker was cursed to wander the lands peddling his goods and to be forever apart from his own people and upon killing him, that curse was passed to Jack.

The mists took him in this moment, transferring him into the domains of dread where he must, forever, wander his small domain on his own peddling his stolen goods.

[oneshotsfunshots]

Azalin Darklord Reviews - Torrence Bleysmith

Darklord: Sir Torrence Bleysmith Domain: Staunton Bluffs Domain Formation: 630 BC (speculative) Sources: Islands of Terror (2e), VRGTR (5e)

Many Darklords in these misty lands are jealousy-ridden, spiteful creatures, yet Torrence Bleysmith may be the literal spirit of jealousy. Let us investigate this nobleman’s past and how he came to be a ghost who takes fleeting measures of pleasure in watching those he betrayed slowly suffer.

Torrence was the youngest of the five children of Count Rupert Bleysmith, the lord of Staunton in the Kingdom of Mourette. Where these lands originated from, I am uncertain. Now Staunton is nothing more than a small, isolated, bucolic island with very little of interest found within.

Torrence and his siblings were a pampered, spoiled lot. They wanted for nothing, except their father’s affection, which was hard won in their eyes. Apparently having nothing better to do with their time, the Bleysmith children competed fiercely for the Count’s attention. Their rivalry spanned years, until the three middle children relinquished their attempts, leaving the eldest (August) and youngest (Torrence) to continue their pointless endeavors.

Though Torrence dabbled in the arcane arts for a short while, he and his brother focused more upon military skills. They were equally matched in everything they attempted and they excelled at every physical art they pursued. Eventually their competitions were noticed by the Kingdom and in time, their father. Count Bleysmith expressed pride in his two sons, granting them a scrape of the affection that they had long desired.

Perhaps they should have studied social etiquette or improved their mental prowess, instead of proving how excellent their marksmanship, riding and swordsmanship was. If they had done so, they may have realized once they won their father’s affections, they could cease their displays of vanity. The two, however, continued and eventually their antics brought their father nothing but shame.

As their pointless rivalry continued, Count Rupert declared war upon the neighboring duchy of Avergne and left the care of his affairs to August, his eldest son. The Avergne were said to be inhabited by infidels and heathens. Of course, one often says this about one’s enemies, so I cannot be certain of the truth of these words. Nonetheless, having August in charge of the Castle Stonecrest of the Bleysmith estate infuriated Torrence. Despite being the youngest and thereby last in line, Torrence believed he should have been left in charge. While seething in his jealousy, Torrence formulated a plan to ensure August would never again overshadow him.

Torrence secretly worked with the Avergnites, while pretending to set aside his eternal feud with August and assist his elder brother in the war efforts. He gave the Avergnites ample opportunities to end his brother, but to no avail and he came to the conclusion that he must see to August’s murder on a more personal level. He planned with the Avergnites and maneuvered them to raid along Staunton’s border and provided August with battle plans to push the enemy back. Naturally he gave the same battleplans to the Avergnites and August and his troops were slaughtered as they walked boldly into a cleverly laid ambush. And so, Torrence’s betrayal had granted him what he desired – his rival dead and Staunton at his command.

His victory was short lived, for soon after their triumph over August, the Avergnites stormed into Staunton and laid siege upon Castle Stonecrest, betraying the betrayer as it were. The Avergnites easily captured the land, for the jealous fool had given them the layout of his own castle.

Instead of facing his own failures, Torrence hide in the bellows of a privy - a highly suitable location for the little betrayer. When he emerged two days later, he found his ancestral home savaged and defiled, all of his allies and family killed and any valuable destroyed or stolen.

In his grief, Torrence fled into the wilderness and formulated a plan for vengeance. Falling back upon the arcane arts that he had long sense ignored, Torrence discovered a ritual that he utilized on the night of the autumn equinox. This particular ritual seized them minds of the inhabitants of Staunton, transforming them into a mindless army. They took up arms against the Averginites with whatever weapon they could find. This, of course, amounted to an army of underfed peasants wielding torches, pitch forks, and scythes against trained Averginites soldiers. They were, obviously, slaughtered.

Again, unable to face his own failure, Torrence took his own life by hanging himself from the remains of Castle Stonecrest. Of course, once our tormentors have someone in their sights, death is not a setback. The land was taken by the Mists and Torrence was brought back as a ghost and Staunton Bluffs was completely inhabited by the Averginites that betrayed him. He soon discovered that his ethereal form changes as his remains changed and any damage to his skeleton, damaged him as well. He convinced an adventurer -which honestly its rather easy to convince adventurers to do things for you – to move his skeleton someplace safe.

Now, Torrence spends his time drifting in his castle, hiding and hating the Averginites. He thrives on seeking out those brave enough to enter the decrepit remains of his castle and asking for their assistance, only to lead them to their own doom. Though Torrence is a rather powerful ghost, with a deadly aging touch, he cannot harm any of the Averginites in his land and if anyone were to discover and destroy his bones, he would cease to exist. How should I rate this betrayer nobleman who became a betraying obsessed ghost? I am feeling generous, I  suppose he can have two skulls.

In 5th edition, Torrence was the one betrayed and his sister Teresa Bleysmith took on his role. Otherwise, the story appears much the same as it was before.

[oneshotsfunshots]

Azalin reviews: Darklord Blake Ramsay

Darklord: Dr. Blake Ramsay Domain: The Isle Domain Formation: 658 BC Power Level: 💀💀 ⚫⚫⚫ (2/5 skulls) Source: House on the Edge of Midnight (Dungeon Magazine 76; 2e)

Dr. Blake Ramsay once resided in the small seaside town of Mordentshire located in the Domain of Mordent. Blake had a particular fondness for performing unnecessary and experimental surgeries on his patients, all without the aid of anesthesia. It is commendable to devote such foresight into the art of medicine, for how else would one be able to determine a threshold of pain with the use of anesthesia? The people of Mordentshire, however, saw his methods as a form of inhumane madness than genius. Thus, Blake fled Mordent with his wife Helen and his daughter Liza. Together, they sailed the Sea of Sorrows until they reached an uncharted island, known simply as “The Isle”.

The Isle is surrounded by large, steep cliffs along its northwestern half and the rest of the island is a dense forest of deciduous trees and sloping lowlands.  Blake saw this island, and it’s lack of any formal settlements, as the perfect location for him to conduct his medical experiments in peace. He built a home, complete with an expansive laboratory, and continued his experiments on those native to the island and unfortunates who found themselves shipwrecked there.

In time, Helen bore two more children. The first was Gregory and the second Blake Jr. Blake was severely disappointed in both of his sons. Gregory had been born with oozing sores all over his body and a hunched back; Blake determined Gregory would not be able to perform medicine and thereby could not carry on his experiments after he passed. Blake Jr. had had a feeble mind and could not comprehend the intricacies of his father’s work. However, Liza, his eldest child and only daughter, was of sound mind and body. Shunning the rest of his family, Blake named Liza the heir to his research and focused on grooming her to carry on his work upon his death.

Now, this is completely understandable. One must ensure one’s heir is properly suited for ruling after one perishes. Ahem, I mean…ensure one’s research is continued and in the right hands. Perhaps Liza was not as bright as Dr. Ramsay believed her to be or mayhaps she was caught in a sudden storm. Either way, at age 12, she fell to her death from the cliffs that surrounded the Ramsay Estate after a strong wind threw her from their great heights.

Blake saw her fall and flew to her in a panic. He found her at the base of the cliffs, her limbs torn and smashed. In desperation, he carried her into his laboratory and spent fourteen days trying to revive her. Nothing he attempted saved her, which leads me to conclude that his experimentation is certainly nothing that required an heir to uphold.

The Doctor decided the best course of action was to utilized his useless family members to restore his daughter to life. He murdered them all, taking their organs and limbs to craft Liza new ones. Giving new life, true life, to dead flesh is nearly impossible in these lands except when our tormentors decide to interfere for their own amusement. The Dark Powers granted Liza her new life at exactly 1 minute before midnight. The clocks of the estate froze at this time and…so, it seems, did time for Dr. Blake. He believed he restored his daughter himself, but she was not as he had envisioned.

Liza was remade as a flesh golem and her eyes, once bright blue in color, were a putrid green. Blake, seeing this as a deformity that would prevent others from seeing her true intelligence, attempted to restore her eyes. He used his wife’s eyes and his sons, but each time her replaced her eyes they changed to that inhumane green. Frustrated, he burnt the rest of his family’s remains and his wife and two sons rose as spirits who haunt him, reminding him constantly of what he had done to them.

Some part of Blake might have realized that the inhuman appearance of Liza’s eyes was an indication that she was not truly alive and only a mere semblance of what she once was. Or perhaps not. For the Doctor continues to attempt to replace her eyes, using any that are suitable for his needs. This is a rather difficult task for the Darklord, for Blake cannot leave his own manor. Even if he is forcefully removed from his home, he fades and reappears within.

Blake, as most Darklords do, has his own unique set of powers. He can cast the spell “shadow door” at will, which allows him to vanish into one shadow and emerge from another. Considering he is not much of a combatant, this allows him a way to escape potential hostiles. However, he is also nearly immortal. Any wound he suffers, he heals almost immediately and the only way to kill him is to engulf his entire family in fire at the same time. I suggest sending a group of wizards and a few fireball scrolls to his estate and be done with it. 

[oneshotsfunshots]

Homebrew D&D One Shot #20

[PDF]

Never used a hex exploration system before so I really can't say whether or not this is how it works.

[oneshotsfunshots]

Azalin Reviews: Mother Lorinda

Domain: Tepest Domain Formation:  Not specified (691 BC older sources) Power Level:💀💀💀 ⚫⚫ Sources: Van Richten’s Guide to Ravenloft (5e)

The background for the Three Hags of Tepest in 5e is almost exactly the same as previous editions, except they also killed and ate their brothers and father after disposing of the gentlemen they all wanted for themselves. For the complete story, see The Three Hags.

Not only has the latest changes in Ravenloft resulted in a single Darklord for Tepest, but also reduced the land to contain a single village. Though, it seems that the Shadow Rift and Prince Loht and Queen Mab now dwell beneath Tepest instead of within their own realm. These fey are said to be responsible for much mischief and misery that occurs within the wild regions of Tepest. 

Once they were established in Tepest as Hags, the three sisters worked, for the most part, reluctantly together. Lorinda, the green hag, longed for a child. And when she asked her sisters, Laveeda and Leticia, to use their combined magics to make her one, they refused. If you think about it, it is a rather strange request to make of your siblings...AND Hags are known for seeing other Hag’s children as delicious treats...

Lorinda retaliated by secretly creating a construct and ambushing her sisters with it. Once subdued, she trapped them in their magical cauldron. Now, shep taps into their powers to continue her endless pursuit of having a child of her own. I will assume that traditional means or the clone spell are not an option for Lorinda…Not that the clone spell is without its faults.

Lorinda rules over Tepest as “Mother”, a guise she weaves over her true Hag form. She creates “daughters” from parts of animals and twigs woven with her magic and the magic she steals from her trapped sisters. She names every single one of these short-lasting constructs as “Laoirse”. I suppose after the 100th or so coming up with a new name would get difficult.

Mother moves about in a Gurgyl and “protects” the people (or her children as she likes to think of them) of Viktal - granting them bountiful harvests and protection from the fey and goblins that overrun the wild areas of her realm. In return, she asks for absolute devotion and adoration and some are apparently so devoted to their “Mother” they pluck out their own eyes for her...She can see through their empty eye sockets as if they were Hag Eyes. I find the need to collect my servant's eyes not necessary to be able to do this, but the idea of it intrigues me.

Mother also asks for a sacrifice during seasonal tithes to feed her precious Laoirse...so said “daughter” can live a little longer than normal. Four sacrifices a year seems a little low for a Darklord, but I cannot deny the power that accompanies a seasonal shift. Seems like a waste to use such energy to ensure your fake twig daughter lives for a few more days but...well, I...cannot be sure if I would not do the same for Irik.

Though Lorinda was clever enough to trap her own more powerful sisters, she still only rules over a single town. Nor would I enlist her to create the Crystal Orb I had the three sisters make for me as a single Hag will never have the same level of power as a complete coven. Lorinda will not be able to hide her true nature forever. Eventually her mask will fall and her sisters will escape. 

OOC: Someday I'll run a one shot set in this version of Tepest. Maybe this Halloween...

[oneshotsfunshots]

Azalin Reviews: Darklord Isabet Obour

Domain: Kislova Domain Formation: 748 BC (fan canon; actual date unknown) Power Level: 💀💀💀 ⚫⚫ Source: Baroness of Blood by Elaine Bergstorm (novel)

Baroness Ilsabet Obour is Ravenloft’s version of an angel of death. She feeds off the pain and fear of those she pretends to nurse to health, yet is the actual cause of it. She is the Darklord of Kislova, an Island of Terror that consists of her family estate, Nimbus Castle, and the surrounding valleys and forests as well as the gold-rich Mount Tygelt. Her descent into Darklordom starts and ends with her father, Baron Janosk Obour.

When two of the provinces of Kislova seceded and claimed Tygelt Mountain as part of their territory, Janosk led his troops against them. Unlike a certain mercenary falcon, Janosk was a skilled tactician. He also employed an alchemist and toxicologist, Jorani, to aid his armies by causing fear, blind rage, and illness amongst his enemies’ soldiers.

Of all his children, Ilsabet was deemed the most intelligent and tenacious and her father ensured Jorani would pass his skills on to her as Janosk taught her his sense of justice.

After the civil war ended, Janosk executed the leaders of the rebel armies and arranged marriages between his people and theirs, ensuring in a reluctant union as many political marriages are…Despite this, Kislova was a land in a perpetual state of unrest with rebels and bandits roaming the countryside. Janosk often dealt with them directly.

One such rebel leader, Dark, and his people were captured by Janosk. He deferred to Ilsabet’s judgment to determine Dark’s punishment. She declared that Dark would first watch his people burn at the stake, then his eyes would be removed and his hands burnt in the same fire that killed his companions. So the last thing he saw was the death of his people and the pain in his hands would remind him of the fire that consumed them. To further devoid him of ‘use’ in the eyes of the Obours, Dark’s tongue was removed and then he released into the wild. Poetic, though an execution would have been simpler and far more effective.

Just because a man cannot speak, does not mean he cannot communicate and with the assistance of a kind rebel, Dark survived to share what he overheard while in captivity. Janosk was planning an attack against Sundell and Dark knew exactly when and where they would attack. This information was delivered directly to Baron Peto Casse of Sundell. Peto quickly set up an ambush and defeated Janosk’s army.

Peto then led his own armies against Kislova and defeated them. Janosk surrendered, offering his own life if Peto spared his family. Peto agreed and on the night the Kislovains were meant to swear an oath to Peto and Sundell, only Ilsabet refused. Instead she swore her vengeance against the man who murdered her father.

Seeing Ilsabet only as a petite girl who suffered from a wasting sickness, Peto did not take her threat seriously and instead thought of her as ‘brave’. Her only punishment was to be confined to her quarters in Nimbus Castle. Given the many secret passages within, this suited her well.

Her brother Mihael actively assisted Peto in ruling Kislova. Her sister Marishka and Peto fell in love, despite her sisters assurances of loyalty to her family. While her siblings were fraternizing with the enemy, Ilsabet was learning the art of poisoning and influencing emotions through alchemical means from her mentor Jorani.

Ilsabet started experimenting on animals, poisoning them to see how long they would live based on different doses and combinations and testing how strongly she could increase their aggression. Her animal experimentation did not last long and she soon moved on to prisoners as well as servants that saw too much.

Using this knowledge, she ensured her sister’s horse would result in a near-fatal accident while they were riding a week prior to Marishka and Peto’s wedding. Ilsabet then pretended to nurse her sister to health while slowly poisoning her. An interesting thing occurred while doing so, Ilsabet’s wasting sickness all but vanished and she became almost as stunning as her sister. It seemed that pain and fear nourished her and Ilsabet only craved more.

Shortly after Peto and Marishka’s wedding, Marishka died. Mihael suspected Ilsabet’s hand in their sister’s death, but as he was attempting to convince Peto of this, he was overcome with a sudden, blinding wraith and attacked Ilsabet. Peto’s guards were forced to kill him during the assault. Ilsabet had, of course, dosed him in an alchemical substance that increased his anger and removed his fear.

Her now unnatural beauty drew Peto to her and with the help of an alchemical concoction to make her desirable to him, Ilsabet seduced and married Peto. While staying at Peto’s home, Shadow Castle, Ilsabet discovered a tome that contained many necromantic secrets, including the creation of alchemical vampires that are completely under the control of their creator. She created two such creatures out of the recent dead, though one perhaps was dead a little too long and came back far less human and ravaged the land with his hunger. In the end, she had Jorani kill them both.

Refusing to have Peto’s child as her heir, Ilsabet drank a potion to ensure this, then while Peto was in Sundell and she in Kislova, she laid with her mentor, Jorani. The two did love one another, though it was more on Jorani’s side than Ilsabet’s. She gave birth to what she thought was Jorani’s baby, though the child did resemble Peto. She waited until Lekai was almost two years old before she enacted her revenge.

Using the webbing of a spider who’s very touch can kill a living man, Ilsabet poisoned Peto by placing a diluted poison into his ink well and quill. Every time he wrote a letter, which was often, he was overcome with dizziness. While he slowly succumbed to this poison, she left to visit a Seer in Mount Tygelt.

The Seer told Ilsabet her actions would result in the death of her own child and Ilsabet, in a rage, slayed the woman. Returning to Nimbus, Ilsabet found her husband in a permanent state of paralysis. She planned to leave him that way, thinking it a much more suitable punishment than death. Day after day she visited him, knowing he could hear her and told him of all the horrible things she had done and fed on his pain.

Jorani, upon learning of all of Ilsabet’s misdeeds (especially causing the death of her own siblings) worked against her and slowly brought Peto out of his coma. And on one faithful night, ensuring that Peto’s guard and Ilsabet witnessed it, he did just that. However, at the same time the deadly spider that created the paralyzing poison hovered above Lekai’s head. Seeing the infant’s danger, both Jorani and Peto’s guard acted to prevent it and both men died as a result.

Distraught, Ilsabet brought Jorani back with her vampire potion and forced him to feed on Peto’s blood. After all, keeping him alive meant that she was not the ruler of Kislova and that was what she truly wanted. During the chaos, Lekai was taken by Ilsabet’s servant and was never seen again. The Mists took the land as Ilsabet searched for her baby. When she returned the next day, Peto was alive and paralyzed once more and her lover/mentor was nothing more than a hollow shell under her every command.

No matter how many times or in whatever way Ilsabet kills Peto, he is alive and whole again the next day. So, she is doomed to rule as a shadow behind the throne with the mockery of her mentor by her side. Additionally, she must continually feed on emotions of pain and fear in order to survive herself.

[oneshotsfunshots]

Azalin Reviews: Darklord Friar Whelm

Darklord: Friar Whelm Domain: Estrangia Domain Formation: Unknown (760 BC according to fan created lore) Source: Undefiled by James Ward – short story from Tales of Ravenloft Power Level: 💀💀💀 ⚫⚫ (3/5 skulls)

Friar Whelm leads a congregation of worshipers in the city of Estrangia. Many of which flocked to his temple devoted to hope after losing loved-ones to a vampire with one of the most ridiculous names I’ve encountered in the overgrown ticks – Crave.

Each week the ‘good’ Friar hand-picks chosen members of his flock and allows them to sit in specially reserved seats at the front of the church just for them. These individuals are often those who, through various acts of kindness, aided the community and for their efforts they are given a front row seat…I would think being closer to a long-winded sermon would be a punishment not a reward, but sheep ardently follow those that lead them.

I find most that blindly worship without question dull-minded, but these particular sheep surpass them all. For none of them find it odd that during his sermons, a spark of light often emerges from the Friar’s eyes or hands, then floats to one of the chosen do-gooders until it merges with them. After which, they fall unconscious for a short period of time and, when they awaken, they appear ‘older and wiser’ than they were before. Those that experience Whelm’s miracle often report having a light-hearted and happy week.

If I had witnessed such an act, I’d see it for what it is – necromancy utilized to drain the life from one creature and transfer it into another. In this case, Whelm was transferring the energy into himself to feed. Friar Whelm is an undead creature known as a coraltan who feeds off the life force of others. Beneath his unnaturally pure white robes is a desiccated, worm-infested corpse. He established his church of hope to gather the desperate folk of Estrangia for the purposes of satisfying his own hunger.

He also has a bargain with Crave. Crave can feed as he wills as long as he informs Whelm of his victims so Whelm can then offer his wisdom as a Friar and thereby collect more sheep for him to prey upon. Crave provides the chaos and fear the Friar needs to maintain his church of false hope and thereby the hunger of both undead is satisfied.

There is little more to be said about Whelm. He is a creature that feeds off of youth and hope in a false chapel of hope within a city that has little hope left as its citizens, one by one, fall to Crave’s bloodlust.

[oneshotsfunshots]

A collection of quotes concerning the character of Longlegs, and how Cage's performance and appearance was developed. I think the first one is the most interesting because it shows that gender non-conformity was in fact a part of the process for Longlegs. Important parts have been highlighted.

Tagging people who I've seen talking about the coding of Longlegs:

@jelliclepaw @steveyockey @shaynabobayna @scarymovies @itsrainingaga1n @rorykillmore @silliestiestgoob @gayiconwaluigi @pyr0cue @mmanyhandss