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[ophelialmx]

lckjbrslkb Holy shit Paladin!Eodwulf might actually be real o.o

There are so many things I so desperately wanted to see played out so I wrote them and then like a bunch like, kind of happened in Episode 110. I’m going to need a moment.

Caleb/Bren and Ikithon discussing the prospect of Bren surprising Trent, and Trent being enthusiastically in favour. Caleb-is-the-favourite-and-everyone-knows-it Ikithon openly degrading Eodwulf and Astrid in front of Caleb because manipulation. Ikithon cares for Caleb/Bren. And is really projecting on him.

I mean like. The only thing I’m missing now is some acknowledgement of the fact that Bren, Astrid, and Eodwulf, killed other likely innocent people before their parents and Caleb hasn’t ever really seemed too bothered by that.

How am I going to sleep. How am I even.

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Ugh oh man I only just got to watch episode 110, and I know I know I need to see the next but I just had to flail.

Hardest hitting thing:

Dangling the prospect before Caleb/Bren that he has actually *not* yet disappointed Trent.

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I’ve had so so much going on, including creatively, that I’ve not been able to focus on CR. But I have this blaring beacon inside of my head pointing out this huge, emotional conversation that took place and Caleb was largely silent because of course he was except for making a deeply personal callback from a heated conversation with Beau like sixty episodes ago. And nothing when the subject was Nott.

Because of course. I appreciate the restraint but my head is thrumming.

Also does this imply there was a missing scene in which Caleb made it clear to Jester that he had an issue with memories being modified. Or did I just somehow miss that, because missing things like that would be well off-brand for me.

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I DM a Pathfinder game and all I keep thinking is that this old woman came from the Pathfinder/D&D 3.5 dimension where second level spells can be permanent, Familiars are real animals who can die, and there are three hundred million feats.

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I feel like there’s an interesting Essek note that gets missed. It wasn’t:

Essek: I feel responsible for the death of my dear father D:

It was more like...

Essek: I guess being responsible for the death of my father would be objectively considered a ‘bad’ thing I have done? Social norms suggest his death should be significant to me, so it seems pertinent... He was not a great loss though, not a lot of life goals there.

... Which again I find way more interesting than the sweet/tragic/tortured interpretation, that he is a person haunted by responsibility and loss over the death of a loved one. Being blocked off from most pain or guilt related to the event, or legitimately having little regard for the person who died, is the road less travelled and so very interesting. Essek doesn’t even know if his father was close enough to a beacon to be reincarnated - and from the way he spoke about it, that’s not tearing him up inside. He is perhaps wary about the idea, but mostly finds the possibility academically fascinating. Wow.

Edit: And that doesn’t even open the can of worms that is the contrast to Caleb’s story, let alone anyone else’s.

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tonight’s vibe

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Oh man I so feel for Sam. I have been there in a game where you just kind of recognise your character’s psyche is going to change, and that takes a lot of emotional and mental work - and to process that and plan for it and steel for it when the possibility is sprung unexpectedly, and THEN have it not take place after all? That would be exhausting. Emotionally and intellectually so exhausting. :O

I am thinking of Sam and Liam on Talks talking about enjoying the real complicated emotional stuff where things are messy and don’t go right, and... yep. You reap what you sow if you have a good DM.

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OKAY BUT IMAGINE A SCHEME INVOLVING JEFF AND TRACEY.

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“Commit to the bit, Beauregard.”

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Interesting implication from the Bright Queen.

A crime was done, so someone must pay, full stop.

Thus, regardless of whether the Taskhand ever willingly participated in that crime, if his is the only head available, it may still roll.

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Yeah but like seriously someone please ask what the original evidence against the Taskhand actually was. x.x

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I feel like I’m going bananas.

Did Essek tell them what actual evidence they have that this dude is guilty?

EDIT:  Okay less bananas; Liam is just a legend with immense patience and an anti-metagaming forcefield.

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Hey hey,

Just a specific shout out to anybody for whom this time of year is an awful, stressful, scary ol’ nightmare.

If you're having a terrible couple of days and nothing’s gon change that, I hope the days that follow will be better. <3 <3 <3

(also happy holidays to everyone else ^^)

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“This is it, this is the worst one. The last one of 2019. The last episode of talks machina. This is the worst one. This is it. We did it.”

— Liam after suffering all episode

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Look I can’t explain how validated I feel by the fact that Liam maintains, despite every assumption, that ‘revenge against Trent’ is not a clear goal for Caleb at all.

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So, I’ve bit the bullet and put a pin in Strong. Honestly one of the most psychologically challenging things I have written, fanfic or otherwise.

I have written the things I wanted to the most, from active nitty gritty emotional abuse and psychological conditioning to non-hetero families in Blumental. The only big thing I didn’t get to was Bren and Astrid actually breaking up (but that would seriously be a whole other story - and who knows, maybe that is one that can be told with non-tiefling, canon!Astrid). Last chapter is just a scene I had not fit in yet - about a ‘family heirloom’.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. If you’re one of the little group of precious beautiful people who know me for this fanfic/series... welp. Here we is. And I’m now just considering whether to make a crazy ubermeta out of my reference document.

Chapters: 8/8 Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Trent Ikithon & Caleb Widogast, Astrid & Eodwulf & Caleb Widogast, Eodwulf & Caleb Widogast, Astrid/Bren Aldric Ermendrud Characters: Caleb Widogast, Bren Aldric Ermendrud, Trent Ikithon, Astrid (Critical Role), Eodwulf (Critical Role) Additional Tags: Pure uncut non-magical indoctrination of teenagers, Why Caleb cannot see himself as a victim, Or Trent Ikithon as a monster, Other canon Caleb-related warnings, TW: substantial gaslighting, TW: physical and emotional abuse, tw: torture, Psychological Torture, Realistic and dark as hell, Non-graphic mentions of 16 year-olds having sex, tw: religious-based abuse, tw: radicalisation Summary:

Lessons learned by Bren, Eodwulf, and Astrid, under the dedicated tutelage of Trent Ikithon. Trent does groundbreaking work, and together these three students, with Bren at the helm, will have the strength to protect the mighty Dwendalian Empire.

Alternatively, this is the story of three teenagers being psychologically molded into executioners by a person they have been taught to trust. (If I had any way to spell the laugh Caleb/Liam gave in episode 18 in response to the line 'I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of', that would have been the title of this fic.)

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Beautifully said.

I actually think it goes further than this too, in that I can absolutely see Ikithon as a person who would not consider himself a villain or an ‘abuser’ - which abusers typically don’t. And as an abuser whose victims would have trouble categorising him that way too, which is also tragic and common. The more other interests and personality traits, personal flaws and foibles a person has, the harder it is to put them into such a simple box.

It’s really challenging. Hands down my favourite theme in Campaign 2.

But you know what, full kudos to Liam and Matt for creating Trent as a character. 

They could have gone the traditional route of making Trent a very typical villain, with very in-your-face kind of abuse tactics .(which to be fair, some real life abusers do that too, especially in the later stages of abuse. It’s just a very common portrayal of abuse in fiction - and it’s generally the kind of abuse that springs to mind, when people imagine what abuse looks like).  

- But instead, Matt plays Trent almost completely subtle - very few dramatics so far, to the extent that it’s very very reminiscent of how a lot of real life abusers behave. 

Which, on the one hand - it’s a bit too real and too close to home for some of us who have experienced that kind of abuse. But on the other hand - that is amazing commitment to the role and a very truthful portrayal, and really makes Trent a believable threat. 

I would not nearly be as terrified of Trent as a villain, if he was more dramatic about it, especially if he did so from the start. 

The fact that Trent’s behaving in a way that makes even some members of the audience doubtful if he’s really that much of a threat at the moment, while others of us recognise the red flags of our own abusers in Trent and know what’s really going on, even now, and we also know what’s yet to come - that’s one hell of a villain. 

10/10 villain. 10/10 terrifying and horrifying. Excellent character creation/writing of the character, and acting. And a very truthful portrayal of an abusive and manipulative (and very creepy) man.