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[outerspacenthusiast]

Advice on Writing Thieves, Assassins, or Other Stealthy Characters

I’ve put a lot of research into this, and I’ve seen a lot of great rogue-like characters, where the author was clearly unsure as to how they perform their criminal activities. If you feel the need to ask why I know this stuff, my main writings are for a book series called “A Thief’s War,” which should be more than enough explanation. I swear I’m not personally a thief.

Anyway, here we go:

Lockpicking:

I’ve seen some stories where characters grab a paperclip, and boom, no lock can stop them. I’ve also seen some where master thieves take a hammer and smash the lock.

A lock has a series of tumblers in it, each of which need to click into place for it to unlock. A key’s design is usual exactly what it must be to get these tumblers into the proper position.

There are a wide array of shapes and sizes for lockpicks, and if you’re going to go around picking locks, you’re going to need more than one. There is no universal lockpick. Furthermore, for some reason a lot of people don’t include the secondary locking tool: a lock wrench. This is used to turn the the lock, and to keep the tumblers in place once you’ve appropriately placed them with the lockpick.

A lockpicker will know that a tumbler is in place when they hear it click, but the noise is usually quiet, so they’ll often have their ear close to the door.

Can you pick a lock with a paperclip? Yes, but it’s hard as hell, and a paperclip won’t fit into all locks. Not to mention it’s a pain turning the lock once the tumblers are in place.

 With code locks, a lot of movies or books show someone pressing their ear closely to the lock, whilst turning it, and listening for a click when it hits the right number. This actually works. These are the most useless goddamn locks in history.

Now, if you’re writing modern day, with smart locks and various other such tech, I’m afraid I can’t help. I haven’t studied that as much. Though, the previous advice will help for most locks, and that information still applies to basically all types of lock that aren’t incredibly expensive.

Sneaking:

The dashing rogue slips through the shadows, his cloak billowing behind him, and somehow none of the dozen patrolling guards walking right by happen to notice him.

Yeah, that’s not how it works.

Sneaking involves a lot of remaining very still, knowing your surroundings, and holding your breath.

A thief infiltrating a house will scout it out, usually for weeks in advance. Sometimes they’ll pose as various businessmen, and try to get the owners of the house let them in for a while so they can study the ins and outs of it. Cracking open a window isn’t quiet, and you need to know what doors will creak and what doors won’t.

If you’re trying to sneak, you need to try and stick near furniture and heavy objects. The floor isn’t nearly as likely to creak when you’re near these. Furthermore, you need to step lightly, and wear the appropriate footwear. Usually some cloth wrapping’s around one’s feet will help to be quiet, but avoid any shoes that might make clacking noises, or sound like they’re peeling off the floor when they move. A thief will also never scuff their feet, if they’re any good at sneaking.

Black clothing only helps you sneak if it’s dark, and your surroundings aren’t bright coloured. If you’re in a city of white buildings and marble, you’ll want matching attire. This is just for if you’re skulking about a city, though. Just make sure you don’t stand out. However, dark clothing will greatly help you not be seen from a distance when it’s night.

If a thief suspects someone is nearby, they should always try to locate a nearby hiding spot, and remain perfectly still. Do not move, and hold a thief will hold their breath if they start getting anxious, as heavy breathing could easily give someone away.

Many stories also don’t seem to account for the fact that various rogues and criminals have shadows, too. Even a quick and subtle movement of a shadow might be enough to give away one’s presence. It’s really, really hard to actually sneak up on someone due to this, and several other factors. Most people will actually feel tense, and usually catch wind of it if someone is sneaking up behind them, as even very quiet sounds and movements like breathing will subconsciously register to people if you get too close.

I’m a master assassin, and I carry a goddamn greatsword:

There is a reason they would use daggers. Assassins didn’t usually sneak into the king’s bedchamber in the dead of night, without being seen once. There are guards. A long hallway with two guards standing in front of the door at the end, there is absolutely no way to slip past that.

They would usually have to get into the building during the day, disguised as a servant, or even another guard. They’d have to wait for the perfect opportunity to sneak into that nobleman’s bedchamber, midday when he was absent, and then wait in there for hours.

If the assassin is sneaking in at night, they rarely go through the interior of the building. Just like a thief, they’ll get the layout of the building, and then they’ll usually enter through a window, or wherever is closest to the target. If they don’t have those guard patrols memorised, they’re screwed.

But you know what’s not subtle? An assassin carrying around a scimitar, or some flashy crossbow. If you’re going to sneak past people, you need a weapon no one will see, and that you can probably hide if someone decides to search you.

Fingerprints:

This is mainly relevant for modern era stories, and I just wanted to say that I’ve seen a few shows where a criminal isn’t wearing gloves throughout the whole thing. You always wear gloves, you never leave the murder weapon. If you touched something without gloves, you may as well take it with you to avoid risk.

Slipping out of Handcuffs:

This usually requires dislocating your fingers. Ouch. But, if the one cuffing or tying up the thief isn’t paying too much attention, you can keep your hands at an appropriate angle that the cuffs will not go on correctly, or the ropes not pulled tight enough, and you can probably slip out of them.

Who needs masks when you have shadowy hoods?

Guess what the easiest facial feature to notice in the dark is? If you guessed eyes, then you’re right. But, if you’re blending in, and your eyes are veiled by the hood that’s somehow not obscuring your vision while you crane your neck downwards to ensure that it covers your face, then people are usually still going to be able to see your lips, which stand out the second most of any feature on a person.

Yes, a hood is good if you’re trying to blend in. But it’s not good for making sure people don’t see your face. Wear a damned mask.

This is all I’ve got, for now. Hope it helps someone!

[outerspacenthusiast]

St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Missouri, July 15, 1908

[outerspacenthusiast]

Tag yourself. (via JahDuran)

[outerspacenthusiast]

I feel like Hozier and Lorde are a lot alike in that they both reside on a seperate plane of existence and decide to every now and then visit our realm to bless us with their presence and music only to immediately retreat back into the moors of their homelands to dance with the Old Gods

[outerspacenthusiast]

it’s so hard to stay when all you wanna do is ride

(pc: @washere)

please don’t remove credit!

[outerspacenthusiast]

you ever think about how funny Devil Went Down to Georgia really is? conceptually? people are being so good I guess that the devil himself is strapped for souls and decides to scrape the bottom of that holy barrel. throws a dart at a map and is like “Georgia it is I suppose” cause I know he didn’t pick that on purpose. goes down to Georgia as it were and just picks the first kid he sees. how old is Johnny? I like to think 11 or so. doesn’t matter. the only way the devil knows how to run shit is with battle of the bands style rules. picks the fiddle because that’s just what he happens to have on hand in solid gold I guess. he just so happens to pick a child fiddle prodigy. what did you expect? its Georgia bitch Johnny doesn’t have anything better to do. so the devil gets his big red ass spanked. and then a child calls him a son of a bitch

[outerspacenthusiast]

It'd be real cool if I wasn't so bad at opening up to people

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that Monday aesthetic

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Hi why do I keep letting him ruin my life

[outerspacenthusiast]

my kink is when ppl actually care abt my feelings & what I have to say

[outerspacenthusiast]

at the end of the day it’s you. it’s you who has to make sure that you’re okay. it’s you who has to hold yourself. it’s you who has to decided to keep going. sure making some tea will make you feel okay but you really do have to make sure you’re okay. you have to keep holding on and keep trying, it’s hard out here, I know that. it’s you and you can do it. you can do whatever you want to do because you are strong and you’ve made it so far

[outerspacenthusiast]

We don’t have to all get along just because we all like the same thing and trying to get people to accept gross behavior under some banner of unity is awful.

[outerspacenthusiast]

A GOD DAMN LOOK

[outerspacenthusiast]

I have this huge, ex-military biker guy neighbour who is like 80% handlebar moustache and has a ponytail halfway to his ass and him and all his huge biker guy friends all have tiny dogs and special, motorcycle safe seats for them on their bikes and my favourite things is when they all come roaring in on their bikes and take their tiny dogs out of their little studded leather safety carriers there is this loud cacophony of kissy sounds and full blown baby voices like “was that fun sweetie” and “who’s my handsome boy”

[outerspacenthusiast]

i feel like everyone has that one thing that you eat like everyday or almost everyday reblog and tag what your food is

[outerspacenthusiast]

J-lo was in my dream and she made a really good point to homophobes who freak out about their kids seeing/visiting/interacting with married gays: "what are they going to catch? A loving & supportive relationship w/ healthy relationship dynamics?"

[outerspacenthusiast]

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)