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Liking a character who sucks is silly because yeah I hate him and yeah I want people to bully him and say mean things but if you say the Wrong mean thing I'm going to get defensive

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I know you better than anyone.

Fredrick Backman / "Orestes" / R. Arnold / "Theseus" / Clementine von Radics, "Mouthful of Forevers" / "Orestes" / Ernest Hemingway, "The Garden of Eden" / Hannibal / Nickypage

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medschool is still trying to kill me so you get another insufficiently edited poem

the life update is that i've passed the first of my big three exams and it has only taken sacrificing every aspect of my physical health. medschool is great, i know So much about the importance of sleep, nutrition, rest etc, meanwhile my main food group is red bull and i've been studying 16-24h a day the entire month, w at least 8 days more to go. but hey, the good news is that i'm going to end up in the hospital one way or another lol

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collected writings on trying to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known and seen and letting people care about you even though you're not, and probably never will be quite done getting better

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sexiest thing a character can do is drag their past around like it's a dead body tied to their ankles

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ares slays his daughter’s rapist

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siblings of war: ares and athena

Brutality feasts on his offerings while his older sister Tactics stands watch

i like to imagine that because ares embodies the misery and bloodlust of warfare, he also embodies the aftermath. when his champions triumph, he becomes the tall, beautiful hero which history books portray winners as, but when his side fails he will physically take on the appearance of an emaciated child that gorges on the guts of war horses and human corpses (always sacrificed to him without fail, the battlefield is his altar)

athena, her father’s beloved daughter, always grew faster than her brother. she was the oldest, yes, but their ages became more evident as war tactics, strategy, and weaponry became more advanced. with each new scientific, methodical, or philosophical breakthrough jn the name of war she seemed to age, become more elegant and handsome, more cold and intelligent.

but brutality is an ageless song, and from the moment the first man raised his fist to strike down another until present day, violence for the sake of violence had never developed past instinctual bloodlust. ares’ adult form came to be unnaturally, after eons of his ritualistic feasting, his muscles and sinew and bones stretched and grew because of the blood he consumed.

athena’s marble temples spring up across the land, her offerings are hot wines, fat calves, olives and blue grapes, perfumes and spices and incenses served on silver platters by maiden hands. her brother’s face is covered in gore and his red eyes seem even more wicked on his skinny face. their father does not look at him because his gaze is honest and truthful. but the eyes of kings never have room for ugly things.

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Self-Portrait in Hell  by Edvard Munch 

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Types of dissociation

You feel like the present moment is a memory you're recalling

You feel like the "real you" is a fictional character and you are someone else having some kind of delusion that you're them

Your body is a car that someone you feel safe with is driving while you're in the passenger seat getting sleepy from the streetlights

Your body is a car that someone who puts you on edge is driving very very badly

You experienced an emotion so intensely it overloaded and short-circuited your brain into failsafe shutdown mode

You got so dizzy that you fell over and fell through the floor and now you're in the mirror world

You feel like every next movement you make is going to be the one that clips you into the Backrooms

You feel like every slight decision you make is going to be the one that traps you in the timeloop

You're dissolving into the air around you like a vapor

You're trapped underwater in a cave and no one above can hear your mortal panic

You're lines of code watching the real world through a screen

You feel like you'd relate to a Radiohead song

You feel like the present moment is currently being written by Kurt Vonnegut

The curséd amulet

Trapped in a painting

Animal with its leg stuck in a trap mode

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putting a show nobody cares about on your dash. i was born to do this.

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Psychic or Psychotic? Spiritual Psychosis or Spiritual Experience? (With sources)

Psychosis, spiritual belief, and psychic experience can sometimes look similar from the outside, but they are not the same thing.

If you’re a sensitive, intuitive, spiritual person, or you’ve lived through trauma, you might ask,

“Am I really sensing something? Or is this just in my head?”

That question can be scary. Especially when people around you don’t understand your experiences, or when you’ve been dismissed as too emotional, crazy, or delusional. It can be depressing and disheartening to see people on social media describing their spiritual psychosis when it seems so similar to your own beliefs.

So let’s break this down clearly.

What’s a spiritual or psychic experience… and what’s a sign of psychosis?

Spiritual psychosis is when the brain uses spiritual ideas or symbols to make sense of fear, trauma, or sensory overload, but without grounding, self reflection, or flexibility.

Here’s how to recognize it:

-You can’t step back from the belief without panic or spiraling. You might even say, “This is definitely true and I don’t care what anyone says.” When it’s questioned, you believe people who want to hurt you are gaslighting you about your beliefs because they’re actually bad entities etc. For instance, this post may make you very uncomfortable or angry.

-The belief can feel urgent, heavy, and terrifying, like something bad will happen if you don’t act now. Even when you act, the feeling is very temporary.

-You feel isolated by it, no one else “gets it,” and anyone who disagrees feels like a threat.

-There’s no metaphor. everything is interpreted as literal truth. (The owl outside isn’t a sign. It’s a spy.”)

-a lot of the time there’s paranoia or grandiosity, either “everyone is watching me” or “I’ve been chosen and nobody knows/is pretending to not know.”

-You stop functioning: can’t sleep, eat, maintain hygiene, work, or care for yourself.

-You start feeling like your thoughts aren’t your own, or the universe is controlling your actions, sometimes by sending you messages constantly to change your behavior.

-You may hear voices, see things, or feel things that are completely detached from the environment or internal symbolism.

A lot of the time, this feels stressful, threatening, or confusing. Unlike intuitive or psychic messages, clairaudience or sight, which are subtle, symbolic, and integrated and can be controlled, especially with practice, hallucinations in psychosis feel intrusive and out of your control. They feel intense and will never go away, even when you spiritually cleanse. They may for periods of time when you’re out of psychosis, but it comes back in the same uncontrollable way.

Example:

“The number 666 keeps showing up. If I don’t obey what it means right now, something terrible will happen, and the people around me might be hurt”

Now compare that to:

What is a Grounded Spiritual or Psychic Experience?

Spiritual or intuitive experiences can be intense, beautiful, emotional, or even mysterious, but they don’t override your logic, your consent, or your daily life.

Here’s what it looks like:

-You can hold the belief lightly: “This feels true to me, but there is room for error. I could be wrong.”

-It makes you feel comforted, expanded, or empowered, not trapped or terrified, not unreasonably grandiose

-You can still eat, sleep, maintain relationships, care for yourself, and do daily tasks.

-you feel empowered without believing you’re the only one who is special

-You have room for metaphor/questioning/curiosity: “Maybe the dream was symbolic or an astral experience” or “The number 444 feels like a sign to me.”

-You feel connected to something bigger but you don’t lose yourself in it. You don’t lose friends, jobs, money, and yourself over it.

-You don’t need others to believe you or follow your path. You could be frustrated by it, but it doesn’t feel like a threat/they don’t feel like a threat.

-You can reflect, journal, and explore the belief without falling apart emotionally or getting so overwhelmed nothing makes sense anymore.

-If someone disagrees, it doesn’t feel like your reality is collapsing and that they’re trying to brainwash you/are evil spirits trying to take you away from your beliefs.

-Your visions/cards/powers aren’t controllable and never go away

Still Unsure? Ask Yourself:

-Can I let go of this thought, even for a second, without feeling like I’m going to die or disappear? Or without feeling like a bad spirit has finally gotten to me to overshadow my powers and make me weak? (And you don’t question the thought)

-Do I still feel like me, even when I’m having these experiences?

-Do I have control over my actions, or do I feel like something else is taking over via tech/food/demons acting as people/demons never going away despite spiritual action?

-Am I taking care of my body and relationships, or neglecting everything for this belief? Did it turn my life upside down in a destructive way?

-Is the belief symbolic and curious, or is it always literal and life or death?

-do i feel unusually happy, powerful beyond reason (i.e I am Jesus), you can’t sleep, you lose or gain a lot of weight, and people say your speech/thoughts aren’t very clear? Or that you’re acting a lot different in a concerning way?

-You believe everyone else isn’t real and it’s just you

-Obsessive thoughts, bad memory during/after spiritual experiences, lack of insight, and conflicting beliefs later seen as spiritual attacks that could have been something else?

If you feel overwhelmed or attacked just by asking these… that could be a sign your system is in distress. It isn’t just OCD or anxiety- it rules your life. That doesn’t mean you’re crazy or that this isn’t fixable. It means you may need grounding, support, and someone trauma informed to help you. If you get support, you can go back to experiencing grounded spiritual events without the delusions or hallucinations that might be there. It would be more clear and more effective, more powerful and empowering to others to learn about your experiences.

What Happens in the Brain During Psychosis?

Psychosis is a neurobiological state. It isn’t something unfixable and it doesn’t mean it will never go away. There are always ups and downs with anybody and anything, but It doesn’t mean spirituality will trigger it again, it doesn’t make you a bad person, and it doesn’t make you less valid as a practitioner. You just may need a little TLC to get back to the reality of your spirituality, and that’s okay. There’s no shame in that.

(You don’t need every sign to be in psychosis, you can have a few extreme signs but if it’s tied to anxiety it’s most likely just that)

-The Default Mode Network (which helps you stay centered and aware of yourself) becomes unstable. That can lead to identity confusion (not related to dissociation), racing thoughts, and feeling like you’re not real. (Again not related to dissociation or regular anxiety, it’s more of being convinced you’re not real or others aren’t real)

-The Salience Network (which tells your brain what’s important) goes haywire, making you think neutral things are signs, threats, or codes.

-Dopamine spikes, making your brain over assign meaning to everything. It can cause hallucinations and delusions.

-Your prefrontal cortex (rational thinking, planning, perspective) goes offline. It’s your way or the highway, you’re right, no one else is right. (Example) You ARE the second coming, and this post is targeting you.

-You lose insight. you stop being able to tell what’s real, or that something’s off.

This isn’t your fault. It’s a state your brain enters when it’s overwhelmed, sleep deprived, overstimulated, or triggered by trauma or stress. It can also be genetic, chemical, or drug induced.

What About Paganism, Witchcraft, or Psychic Gifts?

People who practice magic, divination, or energy work often:

-Sense energy in spaces or people

-Get prophetic dreams or visions

-Feel “downloads” of insight or messages

-Notice patterns or signs others miss

-Hear internal guidance or feel watched/protected by deities or ancestors

This is not psychosis. This is belief and sensitivity.

It becomes unhealthy only when you lose insight, shut down your life, or can’t tolerate anyone questioning your experiences. If you can stay grounded, reflective, and functional, even if you believe in spirits, signs, or spells, you’re not mentally ill. You’re spiritually gifted, intuitive, or simply open.

And what about feeling cursed or attacked? Does it mean I am psychotic?

You might really be picking up on projected malice, jealousy, or spiritual boundary violations. In spiritual traditions, hexes and bad energy aren’t always spells- they can be envy, trauma cords, or energetic residue. Such as the evil eye being cast on you.

A grounded response:

You may feel shaken or scared, but you’re generally calm, focused, and take cleansing action—salt, smoke, boundaries, protection work.

You don’t spiral. You don’t obsess. You move on.

An ungrounded or delusional response:

-You become obsessive, terrified, or isolated.

-You repeat rituals compulsively, distrust everyone, or feel doomed.

-You lose sleep, stop eating, and disconnect from reality.

If the belief creates constant suffering and dysfunction. it’s not the spirit world punishing you. It might be your nervous system trying to cope with something else.

If You’re Wondering: “Is This Me?”

Here’s the truth:

People who are in active psychosis don’t usually ask if they’re in psychosis. The very fact that you’re questioning, comparing, and trying to discern… that means you have insight. You chose to read this post.

You’re not crazy. You’re sensitive. You might be gifted. And if you’re overwhelmed, you deserve support that honors both your spirituality AND your sanity.

⸻

Sources:

• Carhart-Harris & Friston (2010–2019), “The default-mode, ego-functions and free-energy”

• Kapur (2003), “Psychosis as a state of aberrant salience,” American Journal of Psychiatry

• Newberg & d’Aquili (2001), Why God Won’t Go Away

• Garety et al. (2001), “A cognitive model of the positive symptoms of psychosis,” Psychological Medicine

• DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association (2013)

• Grof & Grof (1989), Spiritual Emergency

• Lukoff, Lu, & Turner (1998), “From spiritual emergency to spiritual problem,” Journal of Humanistic Psychology

This is my first post in a long time 🌼 I worked hard on it, and I hope it was comprehensible. I’d love it if you could share your thoughts or want to know more/want me to clarify something. I am not 100% used to making big comprehensive posts like this, especially with my chronic illnesses/flair ups.

Feel free to tip me or to send me a blessing, but a like and maybe a reblog is the best gift of all. It motivates me to post more content like this :)

I hope this helped or was insightful for you! Blessings!

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welp

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Listen, I have seen many a posts to the tune of "Hozier is a fae god!" Or "Florence is a fae god!" And I am here to tell you that neither of them are fae gods. Paramours, probably, maybe members of an Entourage, but gods? No.

You want to know who an actual fucking fae god is???

Kendrick Lamar.

The pettiness. The creativity. The persuasiveness. The accuracy. He had 110 million people across the nation today singing "a minooooor" like it was fucking nothing. This man has cast a thousand-year curse on Aubrey Graham's bloodline that cannot be undone through mortal means.

Now, THAT is some fae god level shit.

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turning off your computer by clicking the digital shut down button = softly kissing it goodnight

turning off your computer by holding down the physical power button = strangling her to death

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(unhinged ask) if hozier exists what would hoziest be like

already at the church

takes his whiskey straight from the bottle, eats coffee grounds, in bed by five

does want to know if this feeling flows both ways (yes i know that’s an arctic monkeys cover. whatever)

no grave can hold his body down he’d RUN home to her

he WOULD fare well

knows EIGHT new ways to eat your young

strong enough he wouldn’t break beneath the weight of the goodness, love, he still carries for you

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actually not sleeping barely eating doing drugs all day long and jacking off feels soo goood without a psychiatrist in ur ear telling you that ur bipolar