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Thank you!! 💕

Love in Verses (XXVII)

Chapter 27: ‘They loved music and swam in for a singer, who might stand at the end of summer’

Hi! Here is a new chapter! This one is one of my favourites… I’m very proud of Andy in this one :)

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

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Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 5601

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

The Singer’s House

When they said Carrickfergus I could hear the frosty echo of saltminers' picks. I imagined it, chambered and glinting, a township built of light.

What do we say any more to conjure the salt of our earth? So much comes and is gone that should be crystal and kept

and amicable weathers that bring up the grain of things, their tang of season and store, are all the packing we'll get.

So I say to myself Gweebarra and its music hits off the place like water hitting off granite. I see the glittering sound

framed in your window, knives and forks set on oilcloth, and the seals' heads, suddenly outlined, scanning everything.

People here used to believe that drowned souls lived in the seals. At spring tides they might change shape. They loved music and swam in for a singer

who might stand at the end of summer in the mouth of a whitewashed turf-shed, his shoulder to the jamb, his song a rowboat far out in evening.

When I came here first you were always singing, a hint of the clip of the pick in your winnowing climb and attack. Raise it again, man. We still believe what we hear.

Seamus Heaney, Field Work

Andrew was kissing you.

Fingers in your hair, he cupped your face in a tender yet firm hold. His lips were divine against yours, your head spinning with the feeling of his beard against your soft skin, feeling intoxicated by his scent…

Christ, he was so good at this…

His lips fell away from yours to trail along your jawline, down the curve of your neck, and you shamelessly moaned when he nipped at the soft skin there, leaving it reddened with his kisses. You unbuttoned his brown shirt, your favourite, the one that made him look so… divine…

“I want you so bad, Y/N.”

His voice was rough, so deep it made your entire being tremble.

“The things I want to do to you…”

You moaned at his words, kissing him again, pushing back his open shirt until you could peel it off him, run your fingers along his pale skin.

You fell onto your bed then, now both of you mostly naked. It was a blur, how the world kept on spinning, how time kept on ticking, how the last pieces of garments disappeared from your bodies. You didn’t care. All you cared about was the size of Andrew’s hands as they splayed over your breasts, across your ribcage, over your thighs, how he dug his fingers into your hips, the roughness of his calloused skin making you shiver. It felt like he was touching all your body at once.

His lips were trailing along your thighs now, and you moaned as he left a few marks here and there, as he rubbed his beard across your skin to make you squirm, which worked so easily every time.

“Y/N.”

The way he whispered your name before kissing your inner thigh again…

“Y/N…”

His voice a little louder as his breath fanned over the most intimate part of you.

“Y/N!”

You opened your eyes with a jolt, looking around, completely lost, not recognising where you were…

A car. You were inside a car. Trees and the countryside through the window…

“Y/N? You’re alright?”

You followed his familiar voice to look into the driver’s seat, next to you. Andrew was sitting there, his frame ridiculously big in the secluded space of the car. He was driving.

“You’re alright?” he asked again. “You were… kind of moaning in your sleep… I wasn’t sure whether you had a nightmare or something…”

Your eyes grew round, you averted your gaze back on the moving landscape on the other side of the window.

You had fallen asleep… you had fallen asleep while Andrew was driving you both to Bray, holy shit…

You had a wet dream about Andrew… when he was sitting next to you…

HOLY SHIT!

“Erm… can’t remember it but… I think it was a nightmare, yeah,” you nodded, trying to breathe despite the embarrassment that made your throat tighten.

“I didn’t mean to wake you at first, but I was a little worried… we’ll soon be there, anyway.”

“No, no, you were right to wake me. Thank you.”

You tried to find back your composure while Andrew hummed along to Bruce Springsteen.

Indeed, you had almost reached Bray, would soon be in Andrew’s hometown. You watched the sea stretching before you, the water darker than usual under the grey of the sky.

The town was ready to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day, the streets decorated and full of colours. Andrew would miss the parade to rehearse for his gig, but you would enjoy the festivities on your own for a couple of hours before joining him again before the show. You had offered to stay with him while he rehearsed, but Andrew had asked you not to. He didn’t want you to ‘hear him fail’ as he put it. You didn’t want to make him nervous or uncomfortable, so you didn’t insist.

You were to meet up with his friends still. You were relieved when Andrew told you he wouldn’t invite Sam today. You had asked him, knowing it would be a great opportunity for him to spend time with her, but he didn’t want to invite her. You weren’t sure why.

For now, it didn’t matter. You were getting nervous as Andrew drove through the streets of Bray, and your embarrassment over your dream wasn’t helping.

You hoped his friends would like you. You had heard a lot about Alex, just like you had mentioned Siobhán often. You knew the rest of the group had been formed during their college days, that some of his childhood friends would come to the gig too. You felt a little lonely, but you hoped you would hide it well. You knew no one, except for Andrew. You hoped no one would notice how nervous you…

“Y/N… relax, it’s alright.”

You looked up at him.

“What?”

“You’re nervous. But there’s no reason for you to feel that way. It’s gonna be alright. It’s just a few friends… and besides, you’re not the one who’s going to sing tonight!”

He winked at you, shot you a charming smile, and it made your heart skip a few beats.

You scoffed.

“I’m not nervous.”

“No?”

“Not at all!”

He chuckled, shaking his head.

“You’re tough enough as you are, no need to pretend to be invulnerable.”

There was something so tender in his voice, so earnest, as he spoke those words, you felt your chest and throat tighten.

“Maybe I’m a little nervous…” you mumbled under your breath, making him laugh.

“You’re adorable,” he let out the words like a confession, making your body grow warm.

“It’s a lot of new people to meet,” you argued, and he nodded.

“You can leave whenever you want. Don’t feel pressured to stay.”

“We’ve come with your car.”

“I’ll pay for the cab.”

“That will cost you an arm and a leg…”

“Anything for you.”

The words were humorous, but his tone was too tender for you to laugh.

You remained silent while Andrew was waiting at a red light, asked the question that had been on your tongue for days once the car started moving again.

“Andy… why didn’t you invite Sam?”

You saw that his hold on the wheel tightened, regretted asking that stupid question. But he answered anyway.

“I didn’t want her to come.”

His answer was genuine, it took you aback.

“Why not?”

He shrugged.

“She doesn’t care about music. She came only once to one of my gigs, when we started dating, and I thought I wanted to make a living out of it. She was bored out of her mind. She never came again.”

You frowned hard.

“What about your poetry? Your readings?”

“She doesn’t like poetry. She never came.”

“But… but it’s you.”

You saw the way he struggled to swallow, the heavy bopping of his Adam’s Apple.

“I was never reason enough, Y/N.”

You frowned hard at that.

“What do you mean? You were her partner. She should have…”

But then you thought of Frank, and when was the last time he had shown interest in the things you loved most?

Andrew shrugged, his eyes fixed on the road.

“I don’t want her here today. I’m going to sing, and have a good time with my friends. I don’t want to think about her, I want… I want to move on, today.”

Slowly, you nodded.

“Do you think you can do that? Move on?”

Andrew gave you a sad smile.

“I think I can. I think it hurts, but I can.”

You saw him blushing this time, before he would speak again.

“Actually, I… I think I’m falling for someone else.”

You raised a surprised eyebrow. Your heart was racing, at first with excitement, and then with disappointment.

Of course, he couldn’t be talking about you… that was why he was confiding with a friend. It wasn’t you. And you didn’t care! You didn’t care at all, because you wanted Frank, you wanted the life you had with him, you wanted your life back. Andrew could fall in love with whoever he wanted and you didn’t care. You didn’t care if it wasn’t you, you didn’t care, your heart was already taken, you didn’t…

“I… I think it’s been going on for a while,” Andrew went on, clearly nervous now. “But I realised recently and… I don’t know… I want to wait, until I’m over Sam. But I don’t think I’m going to actively try to get her back anymore.”

“Oh… okay…”

“It’s alright, I’ll still help you, if you want. I’m not even sure what I’ll do…”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Y/N, could we… could we not talk about them today?”

You bit your lip, nodded in agreement.

“Yeah… sure… sorry for bringing her up.”

“It’s alright, I just… I don’t want to think about them today.”

You gave him a smile while he was pulling up in front of a small house in the suburbs.

“This is our stop. My friend Katie is hosting.”

You were nervous again as you walked towards the house. There were seven people inside waiting for Andrew and you, people you didn’t know, people Andrew loved deeply, people…

“HOZIER! YOU FUCKER!”

You looked up as a blond woman opened the door and rushed into Andrew’s arms for a hug.

“Hi! Katie!” he chuckled.

“You’re late! As per usual…”

“I’m not!”

“You are!”

“There was traffic!”

“Traffic, my arse!”

She turned to you with a bright smile.

“Oh, you must be Y/N!”

“Yes, I am. That’s very nice to meet you.”

“Come on in! There are beers in the fridge!”

You grinned at her, followed Andrew inside. You were introduced to everyone, greeted with welcoming smiles. Alex gave you a hug, which you reciprocated with a chuckle.

“I feel like I know you already, given the amount of time Andy spends rambling about how wonderful you are.”

“Alex…” Andrew hissed, nudging him in the ribs, but you laughed.

“He rambles about you a lot too,” you answered, and Alex heaved a dramatic sigh.

“I know, but I’ve already told him, he needs to move on. He’s just a friend.”

“You’re breaking my heart, mate…” Andrew dramatically put his hand on his chest for good measure, making all of you laugh.

“Y/N, are you staying for the rehearsal?” asked Katie.

“Erm… no, I think I’ll head out and enjoy the city.”

“Oh! We’ll come with you! Let’s split. Musicians here, and the rest of us out there enjoying the festivities and getting pre-drunk.”

You laughed at that, but nodded at the invitation. You stayed in the house for a little while, people merely chatting. And then the four musicians had to get to work, and you left with the rest of the group.

You had barely walked out of the house that Katie was beaming at you.

“It’s great that you could come Y/N! It’s nice to know that Andy is moving on, that he’s got someone he can trust up there, in Dublin.”

You smiled.

“Yeah, we’re good friends now.”

She tilted her head.

“Just that?”

You blinked, surprised.

“Erm… yeah… we’re friends.”

“Oh, I thought you were together.”

“No! No, we’re not.”

“Oh, sorry then! It’s just… Andy was so excited about you coming, and he’s been rambling non-stop about you and… Just… in there, he seemed so happy with you. I thought you were more than friends. But sorry if I got it wrong.”

You gave her a reassuring smile, tried to hide how your heart was pounding.

And yet he was falling for someone else… right?

You watched the parade with Katie, Maggie, Seamus and Sheila. Or rather, you used the parade as décor while you caught up on a lot of gossip from their friend group.

Sheila was married to Rory, the drummer. Katie was a childhood friend of Andrew’s. They had shared one kiss when they were teenagers and promised each other never to do something as disgusting ever again. Then there was Alex and Sebastian, who had met Andrew while in college, both of them musicians. Seamus and his wife Maggie had been Andrew’s friends for almost two decades. There were talks of a baby, Andrew would be the godfather, without a doubt.

You found the group welcoming, and a lot of fun to be around. They all seemed nice, all were kind to you. It was a little strange how they seemed so eager to know more about you, to easily speak of Andrew and you as if there was more than friendship between the two of you. You brushed that detail away. Your head must have been playing tricks on you, it was nothing serious. You had made it clear that Andrew and you were just friends, and you had no doubt that he had never lied about that to his friends either.

You were on your way back to Katie’s house, choosing to walk there instead of taking the bus. It was easier, it let you enjoy the celebration throughout the city a little longer. Besides, the weather was quite nice today. Better enjoy it while it lasted.

“So… you’ve met Samantha, huh?” Katie asked, and it was obvious that she didn’t like Andrew’s ex very much.

“Yeah, I have.”

“How did you find her?”

You shrugged.

“I don’t know… she’s not… bad or anything. Like, she’s pretty nice. But… I don’t know. Andrew told me she never came to his gigs or that she didn’t read his poetry. That doesn’t sit quite right with me.”

“We couldn’t agree more,” Sheila nodded. “There was nothing wrong with her but… she wasn’t right for Andy. And the way she kept on pushing him away…”

“He hasn’t told me much about that,” you confessed.

“He asked her several times to move in with him, she always refused, said that they were too young, that she needed to find herself first… It was bullshit. She was just… keeping him around but didn’t want for things to get too serious.”

You nodded. Thought about Frank, of the way he kept on delaying everything too. They had done the same, you could see it now.

Didn’t you deserve better than that, too? Couldn’t you have better?

“I’m really glad you’re coming tonight,” Katie gave you a warm smile. “We all are.”

“I’m glad to be here. I’m glad he asked me to come.”

“Hozier’s voice is… unmatched, really,” Katie nodded. “And he’s so good on stage. He would have been a brilliant musician, if he didn’t like poetry so fucking much, and if… if things had been easier at the time.”

“Hmm… He told me about his family.”

“Yeah, it was rough. Again. But they came through. I know that Sam used to think he had wasted his chance, his life, because he didn’t take a record deal at the time. But it was bullshit through and through.”

“The pop thing?” you asked, and Katie nodded.

“The songs were just… pop hits, really. Or written to be pop hits. And Andy didn’t want that. He deserved better than that. He was right to say no. And then he chose not to pursue music further, and I think he was right. At the time, it was what he needed. I will never forgive Sam for making him feel like he wasted his chance.”

“He loves it though… Trinity, I mean,” you told her. “It’s obvious. He’s an amazing teacher. And a brilliant academic.”

“I heard he’s popular there,” Sheila nodded.

You laughed.

“All the students love him. His lessons are always full. I get why, he’s good at it.”

“And he’s hot,” Katie added, making all of you laugh. “If I didn’t prefer women, and had never seen him so trollied he puked on my shoes… I might even agree.”

“He threw up on you?” you asked while laughing.

“Ooooh! I need to tell you all about that!”

The weather was good enough for a barbecue, something simple and full of laughter. The gig was to begin at 9:30, and the pub was nearby. You decided to eat and celebrate Andrew’s birthday before the show. You were learning so many stories about Andrew, most of them being embarrassingly funny. He was blushing, but seemed content with the teasing camaraderie that had settled in Katie’s garden. Indeed, you had rarely seen him smiling so much.

It was finally time for the cake, and Alex carried it from the kitchen, candles glowing and ready to be extinguished with a wish. You were singing too loudly, not caring about neighbours complaining. The beer and the cheap wine that had been drunk throughout the evening were enough to make you tipsy and merry.

Andrew was grinning as he blew on the candles, and quickly scooped up a little bit of icing on his finger, mischief painted all over his features as he did so, making you all laugh.

God, he was so cute. Adorable. And so fucking hot…

You tried not to think about the dream you had earlier that day, about what it meant. You couldn’t want Andrew, of all people, it would make things so complicated in your life… and yet…

“Alright! Gifts!” exclaimed Maggie, and she immediately handed him a square box and put it in front of him on the table.

Andrew blushed, his smile growing more emotional.

“You didn’t have to…”

“It’s your birthday! Don’t start!” Seamus argued, wrapping an arm around his wife’s shoulders.

You all brought out your gifts, and you felt so nervous when you put your own bundle in front of him. Meanwhile, he grinned.

“Thank you so much,” he mumbled, a smile shining through a thicker accent.

He opened the gifts one by one. Some were inner jokes between the group of friends, some were books, others music-related. He seemed happy with all of them. Katie made him wear a ridiculous colourful birthday hat, and he didn’t complain, merely giggled like a little boy. Then came your gifts, and you were so nervous and embarrassed at the thought that he might not like them, that it was silly…

He frowned a little as he noticed that there were several items in your bundle.

“You didn’t have to buy me anything…” he complained, but tore off the paper anyway.

First, there was a set of whiteboard markers, as he always lost his at work and constantly borrowed yours five minutes before his lectures. He laughed at that, rolled his eyes as you called him a thief, but couldn’t deny the truth.

He picked up the notebook you had chosen next, a leathered cover with a Seamus Heaney quote traced in golden letters.

Noli Timere

He looked up at you with surprise, but you merely smiled. He opened it to take a look at the pages, read the note you had written there.

For the poems I hope to hear one day.

He was blinking tears away as he put the notebook down, he didn’t say anything, and you could tell that it was because he wasn’t certain he could summon his voice. There were two books as well, one of your recommendations for him, and a special edition of a collection of Irish poetry. He let his fingers run across the beautiful covers, traced the letters before looking up at you. There were so many emotions in his smile.

“Thank you,” he let out in a breath.

“Happy birthday, Andy.”

You smiled at each other, and then Katie brought a knife for the cake. You saw how he carefully placed your gifts down, how his eyes lingered on them.

After the cake was eaten, it was already time to leave for the pub. You helped Andrew carry his presents to his car and were alone with him for a moment. Once all his gifts were safely placed in his trunk, you were about to walk back to the house, when Andrew called you back.

He stared at you for a moment, as if he were looking for the right words to say.

“I just… I just wanted to thank you. For your presents.”

You gave him a bright smile.

“It’s nothing, Andy.”

His expression softened, but there was something a little sad in his gaze as well, a longing he couldn’t refrain.

“It isn’t nothing. These… These were very special. Thank you.”

“I simply wanted to finally keep my markers.”

He laughed at that, shaking his head.

“I wasn’t talking about the markers, although that was funny. I didn’t even know those notebooks existed…”

“Oh, I ordered it. Like… I chose the quote to add on the cover. I thought… I thought it was fitting. I hoped it would help you write.”

You saw his eyes glistening, noticed the tears that gathered at the corners of his eyes.

“That’s really sweet. Thanks,” he spoke with such a soft, loving voice, you could feel your heart melt. “And the books… that’s really fucking perfect. Thank you.”

You grinned, feeling relieved that he liked your gifts. You weren’t expecting him to move closer though, it took you a couple of seconds to reciprocate his hug when he wrapped his arms around you.

You tried hard not to be overwhelmed by his scent, something woody and earthy that fitted him perfectly; by his warmth; by the feeling of his arms around you and his hands splayed over your shoulder blade and your back. They felt so big on your body, and you couldn’t help but feel safe under their touch…

“Thank you. For everything,” he whispered into your ear, his deep, low voice making your heart miss a few beats. “For coming today, for being here, for… everything.”

You tightened your hold on him.

“Thank you, Andy.”

You held onto each other for a long while, unaware of his friends seeing you and deciding not to interrupt whatever was going on. When he broke your embrace, Andrew leaned down to kiss your cheek, his touch feathery across your skin.

You hoped he didn’t notice how you couldn’t breathe…

The pub held a larger crowd than what you had expected. It had a decent acoustic, Katie told you, and some nice whiskey. You were high on laughter and the rest of the wine from dinner though; you decided not to drink alcohol for the rest of the night. You wanted to enjoy Andrew’s performance, and you needed your head to be clear for that. You had only a vague idea of what would be sung tonight. Some traditional songs at first, Sheila had mentioned The Humours of Whiskey and The Parting Glass. Then there would be covers of jazz, blues and rock songs.

You were so excited about this, you were buzzing with energy, your legs slightly shaking.

And then it was showtime.

They all walked on the small stage, the crowd gathered in the pub cheering loudly. Andrew was so tall on that tiny space, although Alex kind of balanced his friend’s impressive height with his own. Andrew greeted the crowd, and you were surprised to find that he didn’t seem so shy on stage, compared to how he usually was. He picked up a guitar, and the show began.

And God, what a show it was.

They were good. Like… actually good. And Andrew’s voice was so deep and powerful, he had something magnetic about him while he was on that stage. You understood now why everyone kept on saying that if he didn’t make it as a professional it was not by lack of talent, but by choice. He was truly impressive. You could only stare at him, the world forgotten except for him. His long hair flowing as he moved around the stage, the kicking of his feet with the rhythm of the song, the three undone buttons of his white shirt, the way he stared at you sometimes, glance darkened compared to its usual softness. And then he threw his head back as he played electric guitar, revealing the ivory column of his neck and damn…

… you had not been so turned on in years.

You were struggling to breathe as you watched him, as you sang along, as you danced with the crowd. When Andrew stared directly into your eyes as he sang in a growl, you were certain that your legs would give way from under you.

There was no denying possible left, there was no way you could try to fool yourself into thinking about Frank when Andrew was on stage singing like that and looking like that…

And then the tone shifted, the next song was quieter, a folk song for which he played acoustic guitar while he sang with so much emotion you started to actually cry…

Christ, you liked him. You liked him. Perhaps… perhaps even a little more than liked…

Andrew was beyond tipsy at that stage but he was allowed to drink without caution tonight, it was his birthday after all. And the gig was brilliant, he and his friends had been so good, the crowd was full of energy, he was high on adrenaline. And you… God, you were a ray of sunshine, now more than ever. Beautiful, radiant, and you fitted so well in his group of friends, and your gifts were so thoughtful, you were so funny like this, tipsy and about to fall into proper drunk, and you were just… you were…

“Andy, next time you and your friends have a gig, you need to tell me!” you ordered, looking serious despite how your words were a little slurred. “This was amazing! You were amazing!”

He blushed, but the liquor he had been drinking helped him accept the compliments.

“Thanks,” he gave you a smug smile and a wink, almost certain to have heard your breath stagger as he did.

“Alex told me he’ll have a gig in Dublin next month. We’re going!”

Andrew laughed, raised a surprised eyebrow.

“’We’?”

“Me, you… Katie and Rory are coming too…”

“I didn’t even know he had a gig yet… You signed me up?”

“You were already signed up, Alex said you always come. He looked so disappointed not to be able to come to your reading session for your poems.”

“Yeah, he’s all the way to Glasgow at the time. That’s alright, he’s seen plenty of those.”

You nodded brought your glass to your lips and only then noticed that it was empty.

“Oh! I need a refill! Want another beer?”

Andrew finished his glass in one large gulp, then nodded.

“Thanks.”

You giggled, leaned closer to confess something, and Andrew bent slightly as well, curious to know what you were up to.

“Can I make a confession?”

“’Course.”

“You were really hot out there.”

He raised an eyebrow, hiding badly the way his heart stumbled in his chest, the way he struggled to breathe…

He tried to control how his body reacted to this statement, he was in the middle of a busy pub after all, but it was difficult to do so…

“Really?” he asked, trying to sound smug and cool, when he was effectively struggling against his urge to simply smash his lips into yours and kiss you until none of you could breathe, and you could go to his car and be alone there…

You nodded.

“Not too bad, Andy. Not too bad.”

You gave him a flirtatious smile, before pulling away and heading straight to the bar.

Bloody hell…

He took a couple of deep breaths, tried to gather his wits.

You were just letting loose because you were drunk, this was nothing. He couldn’t let a two-minutes long flirt get to his head…

As a cold shower, his phone buzzed in his pocket and when he looked at the screen, the pixelated name of Sam’s was shining brightly in the dim light of the pub.

He hesitated to pick up, searched for you again. There were lots of people at the bar ordering drinks, you were patiently waiting for your turn.

He heaved a sigh, picked up the call.

“Sam? Everything alright?”

“Hi, Andy! Happy birthday!”

“Thanks,” he nodded, looking down at the tip of his white converse shoes.

“How are you doing? Celebrating?”

“Hmm… yeah, I’m out with the band, we had a gig tonight in Bray.”

“Awesome! Sounds fun!”

“Yeah, ‘s fun.”

“So… you played tonight?”

“Yeah, yeah… we had a full house. It was grand. Really grand, like… yeah…”

Sam giggled on the phone.

“You’ll need some water in the morning, you seem to be heavily celebrating.”

“Yeah, it’s nice to have the whole gang together, you know?”

“Be careful when you head home, okay? You’re staying in Bray for the night, right?”

“’Course, at Katie’s.”

“Good. That’s good. Be careful. Have fun, but be careful.”

“Sure will.”

This was such a normal exchange, why was he surprised by it? They used to have these kind of phone calls, back in college… why did he feel like she was holding back?

“By the way, while I have you… I wanted to ask you, for the wedding…”

Ha, there it was. What he had been expecting.

“Frank and I need to talk to you about the songs you’re gonna play at the wedding. We’ve made a little list, we need to see with you if it’s all okay.”

Play? The wedding?

God, he had forgotten about that… early on, right after the announcement, she had asked him to sing. He had completely forgotten about that.

And it hit him in the face then, how ridiculous that was. She had broken up with him to marry another guy, she had never come to his gigs, and she wanted him to sing at her wedding now?

But what did Andrew want? None of that… he didn’t want any of that…

“Look, Sam, I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

“What? I’m sorry, the noises of the pub are very loud, I didn’t get that.”

Andrew didn’t want to raise his voice. He checked on you, but you were still waiting to reach the bar and order drinks. He made a bee line towards the exit.

The air was cold outside, the little alley at the back of the pub narrow and badly lit by a single, tired lamppost. A couple was kissing against the wall a few meters away. The alley stank, a mixture of cheap beer, urine and cigarettes, but Andrew didn’t pay much attention to it.

“I was saying… like… I’m not so sure it’s a good idea for me to sing at your wedding, Sam.”

“What? You said you’d do it!”

“Yeah… but… honestly, it doesn’t sound like a good idea.”

“Why not? You said you would! I want you there!”

“Do you?”

“What?”

He didn’t want to get angry. This evening was perfect, this day was perfect…

He didn’t back down, though. He was too drunk to be polite or cautious, to mind whether his words could be hurtful or not. He clenched his jaw, spoke his mind.

“Sam, you never came to my gigs, to my poetry readings, to anything that had to deal with my artistic endeavours… and now that you need a musician you want me to sing? That doesn’t sound fair. If you weren’t interested in hearing me sing for the past seven years, then you won’t be interested in hearing me sing at your wedding either.”

“I… I’ve always thought you had talent. It’s not my fault you didn’t pursue music…”

“It’s not what I’m saying. I still sang at gigs regularly after taking this decision. You didn’t come. You never came.”

“If it bothered you, why didn’t you tell me?”

Andrew’s eyes drifted back to the black door he had just crossed, thought of you and his friends all gathered in the bar, a group that loved him and supported him throughout everything…

He deserved better than Sam. He deserved so much better than her. And he had better. He had his friends, his parents…

God, perhaps, one day, he would have you…

“I shouldn’t have had to tell my long-time partner that it hurt me that she didn’t care about the things I love. I shouldn’t have had to tell you to come, Sam. You should have wanted to come. You should have loved me better. Get someone else for your wedding, I’m not singing.”

Before she could reply, Andrew had hung up, turned off his phone so he wouldn’t be bothered by it again, and then he walked back into the pub.

You were standing where Andrew was a minute ago, two beers in your hands, looking around in search for him, a puzzled frown on your brow. You grinned when you spotted him.

“I thought you were gone,” you pouted, handing him his new drink.

“’Course not. Just went to the bathroom.”

You nodded.

“Rory and Alex are challenging us at darts. Come kick their arses with me!”

Andrew laughed at that.

“Oh, hell yeah! Come on! Let’s get these losers begging for mercy!”

You gave him a toothy, excited grin.

“I’m so happy you invited me, Andy!”

His heart melted, there was so much love for you there…

And he knew he shouldn’t have used that pet name, it wasn’t reasonable to yield into that kind of intimacy when you weren’t his. You weren’t his… even if he was already yours…

Still, it was his birthday, and you were so beautiful, so kind, and there was so much love for you there, in his heart, that he yielded and said it anyway.

“I’m glad you came, love. I’m really grateful you came.”

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padfootagain · 28 days ago

Text

Thank you for your screams 😌

Love in Verses (XIX)

Chapter 19: ‘I knew winter cold like the nuzzle of fjords at my thighs’

Hi! Here is new chapter! Today's chapter contains... an update on Saoirse and Sean, a man a little controlling in the kitchen, poetry, and our best boy Elwood!

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Word Count: 3119

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

Bog Queen

I lay waiting between turf-face and demesne wall, between heathery levels and glass-toothed stone. My body was braille for the creeping influences: dawn suns groped over my head and cooled at my feet, through my fabrics and skins the seeps of winter digested me, the illiterate roots pondered and died in the cavings of stomach and socket. I lay waiting on the gravel bottom, my brain darkening, a jar of spawn fermenting underground dreams of Baltic amber. Bruised berries under my nails, the vital hoard reducing in the crock of the pelvis. My diadem grew carious, gemstones dropped in the peat floe like the bearings of history. My sash was a black glacier wrinkling, dyed weaves and phoenician stitchwork retted on my breasts' soft moraines. I knew winter cold like the nuzzle of fjords at my thighs– the soaked fledge, the heavy swaddle of hides. My skull hibernated in the west nest of my hair.

Which they robbed. I was barbered and stripped by a turfcutter’s spade

who veiled me again and packed coomb softly between the stone jambs at my head and my feet.

Till a peer’s wife bribed hil. The plait of my hair, a slimy birth-cord of bog, had been cut

and I rose from the dark, hacked bone, skull-ware, frayed stitches, tufts, small gleams on the bank.

Seamus Heaney, North, 1975

Saoirse reckoned that at this stage, there was more caffeine in her organism than blood, or water, or any other normal component of her body. She was made of cheap coffee, her brain buzzing with chemicals and lack of sleep. At this point, her entire body was trembling…

By her side, Sean wasn’t much better. He had been procrastinating, and now he was paying the price with too much to be done in too little time.

Damn, exam season was something else… A new kind of hell, no doubt…

The library was about to close, that was how late it was. They gathered their stuff five minutes before closing time, and headed for the night. The cold burned Saoirse’s cheeks, although for once it wasn’t raining. It was snowing, instead… how great… she could get frozen and wet…

“Christ’s sake, don’t tell me it’s fucking raining again,” Sean complained behind her.

“It’s snowing.”

“No better. God, my feet are gonna be soaked.”

She looked down at his old boots, the leather visibly tired.

He heaved a sigh.

“Want to eat something before we go to our dorms?”

“A burger. Something that will give me diabetes and cholesterol just by looking at it.”

“Fuck yeah… extra fries too.”

“Of course!”

She almost slipped as they climbed down the few steps leading to the library, and Sean held her hand to steady her. They were both wearing gloves, and yet she felt warmth spread through her fingers as he held her. At the bottom of the steps, they didn’t let go, merely walked across the campus in silence, their feet making the thin layer of white snow crack under each of their steps. It was late, barely anyone was around anymore. Streetlights were tainting the snow a yellowish white, and the world was quieter than usual. It was a special power of the snow to make the world slow down, to make everything quiet. Saoirse was thinking about her exams though, about the book she had to finish for your class, about the notes she had to read again about Yeat’s poetry, and there was this essay she had to finish…

Both of them looked up when a voice rose over the stillness of the night.

“ANDY! LOOK! IT’S FUCKING SNOWING!”

Saoirse recognised you instantly, you were hurrying out of a building, arms spread open and face up to meet the falling snowflakes. You were laughing.

And then another silhouette came out of the same building as you, so tall it was easy to recognise Pr. H-B. He was laughing too, watching you enjoy the snow, his deep voice rumbling through the night.

“I see that,” he nodded, readjusting his man bun under his beanie.

“I hope it won’t melt too fast,” you pouted, looking at the white that covered the grounds, the leaves of the bushes, the empty branches of the trees, the wooden benches. “I want to make a snowman. And a proper one!”

“I want to send a snowball right into your face.”

You exploded with laughter, and he broke into a teasing grin.

“And I thought you were a peaceful lad!” you teased, reaching up to pinch his side, which made him giggle more like a boy than a grown man.

“Never said that I was!”

“You softy…”

You shook your head at him, let the snow fall on your cheeks and your closed eyelids again. Nor you nor Andrew seemed to have noticed Saoirse and Sean though, as they slowly kept on walking across the grounds, looking at their professors’ silly behaviour from afar.

“Christ, I’m freezing… let’s go! I’m starving.”

“So, you’re really going to cook for me tonight?”

“Yeah, I can make you something decent,” Andrew nodded, already turning in the direction of the carpark.

He groaned.

“God, I have to take Elwood for a walk. Fuck…”

“We can go together! It’ll be fun!”

“It’ll be fun to freeze our arses outside? Don’t worry, I’ll do it. You’ll catch your death.”

Saoirse saw you bending over a bench to gather snow in your hand. Not much, but a handful. You crept behind Andrew, went on your tiptoes before pulling on his scarf and pressing the snow against the back of his neck. He yelped, jumping in surprise and cursing like a sailor while he wiggled to get as much snow out of his scarf as he could, while you laughed so hard you were bending over and losing your balance.

“Fuck you!” he groaned, and yet there was a breathy laughter in his voice. “I’ll pay you back for that…”

He hurried towards the nearest bench, gathered some snow as well, but you were running off already, laughing. He ran after you, laughing as well, and managed to throw his snow ball to hit the back of your head. You yelped and doubled with laughter at the contact, but then you slipped, were falling on the icy ground.

Saoirse and Sean both gasped as they saw you falling, but heaved a relieved sigh when Andrew bent down and managed to catch you before you would hit the ground.

“Christ! You’re okay?” he asked with genuine worry, and you looked up at him as he pulled you upright again.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks,” you mumbled as you found back your footing. “That was a nice shot, by the way.”

“One of my many talents, I’m a killer in snowball fights.”

“Your tall arse also must make for a very good target.”

“Depends, I can easily disappear. I just pretend to be a scarecrow, nobody notices me.”

You laughed at that, and so he smiled.

“Let’s go home,” he spoke in a softer tone.

Saoirse noticed that he was still holding onto your arms, she noticed the longing that appeared across his features for a moment when you pulled away, the way he stared at you as you started walking again, babbling about dinner and hoping he wouldn’t poison you. And then he blinked, seemed to find back the use of his muscles, and followed you.

Saoirse stared at the pair of you walking away, a smile forming on her lips.

“What are you thinking about?” Sean asked, noticing mischief in her eyes.

“He likes her.”

“What?”

“H-B. He has a crush on Y/L/N.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Haven’t you seen what just happened? The longing?!”

But Sean blinked, and she heaved a sigh as she pulled him further across the grounds, aiming for the large portal and the busy street of Dublin.

“Men…” she mumbled, shaking her head.

“ELWOOD!”

You had barely passed the door that you knelt to greet Andrew’s dog, generously petting him and complimenting him for no other reason than the fact that he was an incredibly good boy.

You didn’t see the grin on Andrew’s features as he looked at you, the warmth that made his cheeks turn a brighter shade of pink.

“Yes! I’m so happy to see you too! It’s been weeks! I’ve missed you!” you cooed, scratching him behind his ears, and Elwood happily wiggled his tail.

He excitedly licked your hands and cheeks, making you laugh.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough,” Andrew chuckled, bending to scratch his dog’s head as well, diverting his attention so you could stand again.

You made a mental note to buy Elwood a toy, next time you would come over. He was too adorable, deserved all the treats and gifts…

“Alright, I’ll go cook us something.”

“What have you planned?”

“Erm… I can do a decent pasta dish if you want. Like… with a sauce and everything.”

“Hmm… sounds nice!”

You followed him inside, but he stopped as you were ready to enter his kitchen, and turned to you with a serious look on his face.

“I have a rule though. You stay away from the kitchen.”

“What?”

“I don’t like it when people cook with me.”

“Oh… so you are a control freak,” you teased, but he seemed more offended than you had anticipated.

“Of course, not… just… don’t cook with me.”

“So, you’re a control freak, but specifically in the kitchen, then…”

He rolled his eyes, but yielded.

“Alright, maybe I’m a little controlling in the kitchen. I just… like things to be done a certain way. Or maybe I simply have terrible friends when it comes to cooking. You should see the look of those poor vegetables after Alex had ‘cut them’. An outrage, really.”

“I have a special skill though. It’s my superpower.”

He raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

“I can cut fruits and vegetables in perfectly even pieces.”

“What?”

“Like… if I cut an apple in half, it’s almost perfect!”

“So… your superpower is decently chopping fruits and veggies?”

“It is,” you nodded with fake pride, making him laugh.

“I mean… at least, it’s a useful skill!”

“What’s your hidden skill?”

He looked at you for a moment. You could see that he was hesitating, you gave him an encouraging nod. He blushed as he spoke again, his voice growing quiet.

“I can sing.”

You rolled your eyes.

“I already know that! I know you used to write music, I know you still like it. You’ve told me you used to sing in a choir too.”

“I sang at Trinity. Anúna.”

“Really? That’s high-level stuff!”

“I still play gigs sometimes.”

Your eyes widened. You couldn’t control your brain as you imagined Andrew standing on stage, singing, looking hot…

You pushed the thought away. Reminded yourself that you were colleagues, friends, and nothing more and this was out of line…

“That’s awesome!”

“Hmm… yeah… I’m playing a gig on Saint Patrick’s day, in fact,” he added, growing increasingly nervous as he went on, he actually turned away from you and started picking up plates and knifes and vegetables throughout his kitchen. “With Alex and the old gang. Erm… and it’s also my birthday, so we’re having a little party about that, nothing fancy, just… a barbecue if the weather allows. You… you could come, if you want to.”

Your heart felt warm at his words, at the thought that he wanted to share this passion of his with you, that he wanted to spend his birthday with you too. You tried to hide how excited you truly were, refusing to look too much like some kind of creep…

“I’d love to come!”

He froze, threw you a side glance, but there was a hopeful smile tugging at his lips.

“Really?” he asked, voice almost a whisper.

“Of course! Sounds like a way to get free beer and get hammered at your expense. Sign me up!”

He laughed at that, but the grateful look he gave you let you know that he wasn’t fooled by your joke.

“Also… are we going to mention that you were born on Saint Patrick’s Day? Like… that is disgustingly patriotic of you,” you teased, leaning your back against the sink so you could stand next to Andrew and look at him.

“Hey, it’s not that bad! Always a day off work, everybody is available, and if they’re not, then they’re just lying gobshites,” he beamed up as you laughed. “Also, my dad pretended the parades were for my birthday as a child.”

“Ha… that explains the size of your current ego…”

He laughed at that, washing tomatoes and stepping closer to you to do so. You didn’t budge though. You tried to ignore that you kind of longed for that sudden proximity…

“Right… I bet I’m insufferable.”

“I mean… you are… just not because of an ego problem,” you smiled at him.

“Because of what kind of problem then?”

You noticed a shift in his tone, and you hated it. You knew he was kind of serious now, that he was growing anxious. You saw it in the way his shoulders bent, how he tried to look smaller than he truly was. You gave him a mischievous grin, made sure he knew you were still joking around.

“You won’t let me show you my unbelievable skill!” you answered, dissolving any trace of stress that was left in the room.

He laughed, standing straighter again, before handing you a knife.

“Alright, show me.”

You made a show at placing the knife on the nearest tomato, and Andrew stared at you with glee, highly entertained by your antics.

“AND…”

You cut the tomato in two fairly even pieces, and Andrew dramatically inspected the fruit. You tried hard not to laugh, but quickly failed.

“Not too bad,” he admitted, poking his tongue against the inside of his cheek.

You threw your fist in the air in victory.

“So… does that mean that I can cook…?”

“Nope!”

You laughed at him, finished cutting the tomato you were still holding. Andrew eyed you for a moment, before sliding some vegetables your way.

You gave him a cheeky grin in return, one that coloured his cheeks with red.

Andrew shooed you out of the kitchen after all the ingredients had been cut though, claiming that you didn’t have a special skill in cooking, but only in cutting, and you yielded after some further teasing; you set up the table, then aimed for his living room while he busied himself with his food, claiming it was almost done. You played with Elwood for a bit, then busied yourself with a meticulous inspection of Andrew’s bookshelves.

A tender smile formed on your lips at his extensive collection of Heaney’s poetry. You picked up North, the collection you had been reading lately. You were not surprised to find traces of many reads on its cover and alongside the pages, with sticky notes here and there. You were not surprised to find the extensive notes slipped between the pages enclosing ‘Come to the Bower’ all through to ‘Strange Fruit’.

“It’s ready!” Andrew called after you, stepping into his living room to bring you back to reality while your eyes travelled through the first verses of the ‘Bog Queen’.

You looked up at him while he approached, tilting his head to the side. There was no animosity in his voice when he spoke, it was soft and warm, on the contrary.

“It’s impolite to snoop around.”

“I’m only assessing your taste.”

“And? Your conclusion?”

You smiled up at him.

“Not too bad.”

He chuckled, but there was something tender in his gaze. Something that made your heart skip a beat.

He bent a little to see what book you were still holding, he hummed as he nodded.

“I do love Heaney a lot,” he admitted.

“I know. I’ve started reading his poetry again, you know?”

“Really? What made you pick it up again?”

“You.”

His relaxed smile faltered, and for a moment, you cursed yourself, thinking you had been too direct, that you had spoiled everything. But then you noticed that he was blinking, saw his eyes shining a little while he averted his gaze.

When he spoke, his voice was so soft you could barely hear it, deeper than usual too, it made your heart beat faster, shook your frame with a shiver.

“That’s… that’s really fucking nice, Y/N. That… that you did that.”

“I saw the books sitting on my shelf the other day, and I know how much you love these poems. It made me think of you. So… I’ve started reading them again.”

Slowly, Andrew nodded, before he would clear his throat.

“Thank you,” he repeated, although you weren’t too sure of what he was thanking you for. It seemed natural to you.

“I see you have a lot to say about bog bodies, and I am not surprised,” you added, showing the pieces of paper tugged safely between the pages.

Andrew chuckled, rubbing at his neck as he grew a little uncomfortable.

“Right… yeah… I do love those an awful lot.”

“Hmmm… I had guessed. Actually… we should discuss them! That would be fun!”

It was your time to avert your eyes now, though, to grow uncomfortable. Fun? To you, perhaps, but Frank had showed you time and time again that nobody else was interested in talking about these things…

“God! Yes! What do you want to talk about? Like… the macabre aspect of it? The political side? The mythical side?”

When you looked up at Andrew, he was grinning, excited like a little child in a candy store. His hand was slightly shaking when he pushed his glasses up his nose again.

“Oh, and… you know, I’ve bought the Divine Comedy too!”

“What?” you asked, taken aback by the sudden change of subject.

“Yeah, I just… I… saw it at the bookstore the other day, and you love it, so I wanted to give it another try, and we have so many points to discuss! I’m almost done, not quite though, but there are so many elements that I want to go through with you… Like…”

He stopped his rambling as you blinked up at him. You must have looked stupid, while you tried to register what Andrew meant.

He had bought that book to read it… because you loved it. Just so he could… talk about it with you… without you recommending it to him or lending him the book, he just… He saw it. Thought of you. Bought it simply because of you. Read it because of you. And now he wanted to discuss it with you…

You blinked tears away. It was ridiculously simple and yet… no one had ever done that. Frank had definitely never done that for you…

“I… I’d love to talk about that with you,” you spoke in a softer voice, a grin slowly forming across your lips.

You were staring at each other for a moment, your hands still holding one of his favourite books, his eyes fixed on yours. God, his eyes… the green that dominated the brown tonight, like leaves on a summer afternoon, vivid and bathed with gold… you couldn’t look at anything else in the room, in the world, in your life…

You noticed that the space between your faces was slowly diminishing. You noticed that Andrew wasn’t that tall anymore, or rather, that he was bending closer. Closer. Closer…

You felt something bump hard into your leg, making you lose your balance for a second, although you recovered almost instantly. When you looked down, Elwood was staring up at you, waiting for your attention.

You laughed, scratching his head.

“The food is going to get cold,” Andrew mumbled under his breath, and you tried to ignore how much he was blushing now. You carried the book in the kitchen as you followed him, Elwood in toe.

God, had you dreamt this? Had Andrew tried to kiss you? Were you… were you ready to let him?

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