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Thoughts on Revolution
I feel as a country and as someone who is Generation Z, there is a strong delusion surrounding the idea of revolution. People want revolution now. They are just waiting for the right person to tell them to stop everything they are doing and fight the oppressor. But that is the issue; they still like being told what to do. And because revolution is extremely inconvenient.
To genuinely want revolution is the same as being religious; you have to believe in it and then curate your life around that belief. Revolution is a state of mind. I believe the Revolution begins with my generation, Generation Z. This generation will mark the end of widespread patriotism in the States. And if my generation decides to have kids, their descendants will be even radicalized further, just like how the descendants of early millennials and late Gen X’ers are becoming radicalized now. This is why revolution is generational. Younger generations experience the consequences of the older generation’s lack of foresight. Younger generations are collecting their own observations of the events happening in the world. Nine year olds getting shot at school, innocent people being shot by the police, politicians banning books, towns being poisoned. The list goes on. My generation, Generation Z has been collecting these observations since Sandy Hook. Since Tamir Rice. Trayvon Martin. In the simplest words: We don’t fuck with the government, and we aren’t proud to be American.
The more and more people that feel hostility towards the government, the more and more our national identity becomes about resistance. And as our national identity becomes about resistance, the more resistance there will be. It’s just history. Our national identity will change with the times, but this national identity will be curated through generations. Just as its been curated by the generations before.
I believe revolution is inevitable but I unfortunately don’t think I’ll be apart of it. I think it’s going to take a while. I am however fortunately blessed to be existing in a time during the downfall of a great empire, the United States of America. All of the art and literature that will come from this time will be forever encoded within the history of our world. What a time to be alive. I hope it is when I am on my death bed that I get to witness the Revolution. I’d like to think the cynicism and anti-patriotism of my generation would have done some good. All I can do until then is just hold on and ride the wave of resistance.
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1/5/23 Entry
Today the moon is in Cancer. I went to an Asian market, got Korean red chili pepper flakes, some sesame oil, and a new Hi-Chew flavor that I’ve never tried before. I then went to Publix, got some kimchi, some cucumbers, and a sweet onion. I made a salad that combined southeastern Asian cultures and it settled my craving for something spicy, salty, and sweet.
As I was eating my salad, I finally finished “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coehlo. Upon the last page, I’ve wept harder than I have since last July. You see, I was supposed to be in Berlin at art school, however, last summer I was rejected. In that moment of reading the last pages of “The Alchemist”, I realized the utter truth that is life. In “The Alchemist”, a young boy has this reoccurring dream of finding treasure at the Great Pyramids of Egypt. He then settles out to follow his dream, to find his treasure at the pyramids.
I started reading this book in 2020 when I was deciding to begin my new journey of getting into art school in Berlin. I had not finished this book until today, January 5th, 2023. Upon finishing the book, I find it all so symbolic and deeply personal. In the book, the boy finally gets to the pyramids and he is beaten and robbed. I finally get to apply to the school of my dreams and I am robbed of an experience, robbed of my dream, just like the young boy. But in my strife, I found what I truly wanted and what truly was my so called “treasure”.
The young boy in “The Alchemist”, realized that his true treasure lied somewhere else, with a young girl named Fatima that he met along the way. I too, have finally realized that my treasure lies somewhere I did not expect. Prior to applying to school overseas, I was attending University of South Florida, where I realized my true passion was to make art. I’ll never forget the week before I got rejected from Berlin, I had a dream about my previous institution. I remember in the dream feeling happy, at peace. When I awoke, I found it all so confusing because that was not supposed to be what I wanted. However, here I am 7 months later and in 5 days I will being going back to school at my previous institution. I’ll never forget having a mental breakdown in a Turkish cafe over in Berlin and my intuition told me to “go back to USF”. When finished “The Alchemist” just today, I realized that I’ve had my treasure all along, just as the boy had his. The boy who expected to find his treasure at the pyramids, just as I expected to find mine in Berlin, realized that his treasure was not at the Pyramids but was found along the way. I know now where my treasure lies, even though it is not what I expected. However, I know now what is meant for me and in my strife, I have finally found my treasure.
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This Year I Wear Red
I’m realizing I have a new color every year. Last Year it was black, the year before that it was light purple. This year it is red.
I’ve gotten more red items the past couple of months than I’ve ever had. Red lipstick, red kitten heels, red pants, a red tank top, red dress, red sunglasses. This years color is red. I’m wondering what this could mean on a metaphysical level. If my preference for a certain color every year means that I am entering a new phase in life.
The color red signifies a lot of different actions and characteristics. It can signify revenge, caution, or seduction. It is daring and bold. A statement color. One that says “look at me”, but not obnoxiously. A more chic and humble approach to getting attention. Do I subconsciously crave attention? Or have I found myself in a refined sense of style that is allowing me to wear colors I never thought of wearing? Or could it be that I’m seeking vengeance over my life? All three could be true at the same time.
I do somewhat feel that I am out for blood. I have suffered a lot this past year, and in 2023, I don’t want to feel like a victim of a terrible year again. I want to be reborn. Red is what covers a baby when it is born. You wear black to your funeral, and you wear red to your rebirth. Last year I wore black, this year I wear red.
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