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Gustave Coubert, early realist, provocateur and total babe <3

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my favorite part of impressionism is when artists just hung out and painted each other painting. 

oil paint isnt cheap, but john singer sargent wanted to paint his homie claude havin a nice day. thats sweet.

and heres gaugin’s painting of van gogh painting the sunflowers. damn he knew it would be #iconic and he memorialized the event. what a good friend

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when the season’s grain yield is good and your family can afford a loaf of bread this week

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shit i’ve heard people in my classics courses say

zeus is kind of a man-whore

why do the greeks love dicks so much? why are there so many dicks??

i kinda want to punch ovid in the crotch, not gonna lie

achilles is such a manchild. *mocking voice* wah wah wah agamemnon took my girlfriend im gonna go cry in my tent

the romans had a god of dicks?? what the fuck????

so if all these people zeus had sex with did it when he was an animal does that make him a furry

maybe if odysseus weren’t such a slut he’d have made it home in faster than 10 years. just sayin

when you think about it, catullus is basically roman taylor swift

you know those persians, with their pants and their perfumed hair. absolutely barbaric

pompeii? like the song?

why did any of the other greeks ever listen to athens they’re just a bunch of assholes

maybe the reason the greeks always made the penises so small on their statues was so that they would feel better about themselves

why the hell did i decide to take greek

no seriously i hate this why am i in this class

this language makes no sense im gonna cry

vergil just called this character ‘flaming’ like 5 times i can’t deal

i mean, the greeks were right. you know us ladies. we just wanna be filled on both ends

this shit is so gay

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odyssey characters as onion headlines

odysseus: Prodigal Asshole Returns

penelope: 10 Lies That Could Save Your Marriage

telemachus: Childish 12-Year-Old Still Believes In Father

the suitors: Area Man Going To Go Ahead And Consider That A Date

odysseus's shipmates: Study: Owning A Boat Not Worth It

polyphemus: Report: No One Currently Thinking About You

calpyso: Breakup Hints Misinterpreted As Marriage-Proposal Hints

circe: Right Guy To Fuck With Identified

argos: Your Dog Died: Sorry You Had To Learn About It Like This, Buddy

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“Nobody likes you.”

You turn to look at Odysseus in surprise. He blushes and looks down. He nods. It’s true. Nobody does like you. You are Penelope.

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Say what you will about Pluto, I just find it hysterically ironic that it was named for the God that got kicked out of Olympus.

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I guess all of you know what this thing is. Well, let me tell you Serbian names for it.

This thing has more than 100 different names in Serbian. Some of them: muvara, muvokolj, mušarica, pecarica, mlatilica za muve, pecaljka, muvotepalo, tapkalica, muvopič, peca, muvobran, pičilica, muhotepaljka, tupkalo, šljipkalo, muhalo, tabalica, muhobojka, peckalica, tepalo, šljepkavac, ruski sprej za muve, laparača, mušopec, muhohvat, ono za muve, muharem, muhoprc, muvotep, tepomuvac, muvarica, muvozez, tepaljka, muhoklep, muvopizdilica, palica za muve, muvoubilica, ono što ima onu mrežu što ubija muve, šljapača, smrtko, prakač, muvotres, muvokill, muvosmrt, muhospljos, muvotepač, muhospičilica, muhotepalica, muvač, muholovka, packalica, muvošljep, ubijalica, šickalo, tepač, metlica za muve, muholovac, istrebljivač, tucimušica, muhošpljeskalica, ubicomuv, ubijaljka, muvalica, muvomlat, muvoriknjalo, muvosmrtilo, muvofrk, klepača, tapkalo, lupkalica, batina za muve, packa za muve, muhomat, muvarnik, loparica, ubitaljka, tepaljče, ubijač za muve, mlatač, muvoubijalo, muvotuc, flekavica, muhotreba, PVO za muve, lovilica, tucko, muvospič, ubica za muve, šljapalica, puška za muve, pif paf, mlatarica, pap za muve, muvopljas, lovomušač, muvoubijač, muhotep, muhotuc, tepalica, komarcotepač, muvokidalica, hitler, zunzopič, muvozviz, tepko, mlatimuv, klepalica, muvašinter, treskalica, mušičarka, lopatica za muve, terminator, rumunski sprej za muve, bijačlica, šljepkalo, muvoklep, ubimuv, metlica, šljipko, muvopec, praher za muvoterminator, tabač, ubivotka, muhotuk, muvoopičivač, udrigazamuve, puckalica, muvotrebač, muvoubica.

Its real name? No one knows.

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New career goal: becoming a lobbyist for languages

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the cases in the slavic languages, personified

nominative: your ordinary good kid, shy, no one ever pays attention to them or notices them in a room, they’re just… there… existing.

genitive: bully. will make your life miserable and make you suicidal. rambunctious child.

dative: LOVES HUGS; will give you flowers out of the blue and buy you ice cream when you’re sad

accusative: everyone likes them but hates them at the same time. seem to fit in everywhere.

vocative: loud. no seriously, really fucking loud. the one who’s always dancing at the party and taking part in karaoke competitions even though their singing is more like screaming and practically unbearable

instrumental: will help everyone with everything. you could be their archenemy, they’d still let you copy their homework

locative: right, left and centre. garrulous. knows everything, from historical facts to gossips. will show you the best places in town.  

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Serbian Vocab: Careers

This post is an attempt to add to the small amount of online Serbian language resources, but it is also a way to listen to one of my favourite bands as a successful method of studying.

First, here is a song: Pekar, lekar, apotekar. Its narrator names careers he could have had if he had listened to his father. Instead, he became a musician.

Note that the tone of the song (as is the case with many by this band) is quite ironic and some of the careers named are obviously outdated or used in jest. 

Career terms in order of appearance in the song:

Пекар (pekar): baker

Лекар (lekar): doctor

Апотекар (apotekar): apothecary

Колар (kolar): wheeler, wheelwright

Столар (stolar): carpenter

Књиговезац (knjigovezac): bookbinder

Стаклорезац (staklorezac): glazier

Видар (vidar): healer

Зидар (zidar): builder

Критичар (kritičar): critic

Политичар (političar): politician

Педагог (pedagog): pedagogue

Демагог (demagog): demagogue

Полицајац (policajac): police officer

Пајац (pajac): jester

Месар (mesar): butcher

Тесар (tesar): carpenter

Клесар (klesar): stonecutter, stonemason

Ковач (kovač): blacksmith

Тровач (trovač): poisoner

Млинар (mlinar): miller

Винар (vinar): vintner

Ветеринар (veterinar): veterinarian

Кувар (kuvar): cook

Чувар (čuvar): guardian

Дактилограф (daktilograf): typist

Фотограф (fotograf): photographer

Сценограф (scenograf): scenographer, production designer

Географ (geograf): geographer

For more songs by Riblja Čorba around this same theme listen to Hoću majko hoću (about someone who spitefully tells his mother he wants to work as a cleaner for the city), and Lutka sa naslovne strane (which takes a very pessimistic look at a model’s upcoming career).

Below I’ve listed a bunch of general vocab related to jobs and job searching, as well as more specific careers.

Some general terms and phrases related to work:

Посао (posao): job

Каријера (karijera): career

Професија (profesija): profession

Рад (rad): work / Радити (raditi): to work

Студент/студенткиња (student/studentkinja): student

Универзитет (univerzitet): university

Факултет (fakultet): faculty

Учити (učiti): to study, learn, teach

Незапослен/незапослена (nezaposlen/nezaposlena): unemployed

Пензионисати (penzionisati): to retire

Бити у пензији (biti u penziji): to be in retirement

Тражити посао (tražiti posao): to look for a job

Запослити (zaposliti): to hire

Отпустити (otpustiti): to fire someone

Добити отказ (dobiti otkaz): to get fired

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DECODING YOUR KID’S TEXTS

gtg: get the guillotine brb: beheading ruthless bourbons ttyl: the terror yields liberty lmao: louis, marie, and oppressors omg: obviously marats gone rofl: revolution of France lives wtf: where’s the fertentity swag: secretly we assassinate Girondists

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Vampires

So, I wanted to tell you guys about vampires and their origins.

It is safe to say that the most popular vampire in the world is Count Dracula (or, like, Edward, but that’s just pop culture). We all know his story and how he is tied to Transylvania, which can lead to a conclusion that that is where the myths about vampires are from.

Wrong.

Since I am from Serbia and I love my culture, I am here to tell you the true origins and first myths about vampires, which have spread across the world and changed a lot ever since.

Note: Here I will be talking about the most common vampire myths and not those originating from Africa and Asia, since they are entirely different beliefs, entirely different origns and entirely different stories.

Origin

The first myths about vampires come from Slavs and their beliefs.

“A vampire, especially on Balkan and in Ukraine, is considered a ghost of a dead person or a corpse which has revived. It was revived by an evil spirit or the devil; it is a decedent whose soul cannot pass to the other world, instead it stays trapped in the dead body.” ~Slavic Mythology, Nenad Gajić

The word “вампир” (vampir), meaning “vampire” (obviously) originates from Serbian language and it has spread worldwide, starting from the rest of the Slavic languages.

About vampires it has been written in the Emperor Dušan’s Code (1349) in the 20th clause, without naming them.

Soon after that, there was a story about a Serbian haiduk (loosely translated: rebel/brigand) called Arnold Paole (many think that this is an incorrect name and that the real one is Arnaut Pavle, where the first name isn’t a name at all and is actually a title). He claimed that he had encountered a vampire while he was serving in the army of the Otoman Empire. After his death, some residents of his village claimed that they have seen Arnold as an apparition. Soon after, the four people who had claimed this have died a mysterious death.

Other mentions of vampires include a book by Milovan Glišić called 90 Years Later, which tells a supposedly true story about Sava Savanović, one of the first vampires in literature.

After that mentions of vampires have only increased. For example, in 1923. Belgrade’s newspaper Time published an article about Paja Tomić, who has supposedly became a vampire.

Other than these, there have been many similar stories about people who have became vampires.

According to Slavs, how does one become a vampire?

The interest thing is that in Slavic mythology the belief that the bite of a vampire turns you into one does not exist.

So, if not by biting, how does one become a vampire?

Slavic superstitions about funerals and burying the deceased are tightly connceted to the beliefs about vampirism. Examples include:

If an animal jumps/walks over the corpse or if a bird or a bat flies over it, the corpse can revive

If someone’s shadow falls on the corpse, it can revive

If a person walks/jumps over the grave within the 40 days following someone’s funeral, the deceased can revive (it is also believed that if after these 40 days the person does not revive, they probably will not become a vampire in the future; this is connected to the belief that it takes a sould 40 days to pass onto the other world)

If a person succeeds in killing a vampire and if the vampire’s blood splashes them in the proccess, they become a vampire after they die

If any of the above is to happen, the revived starts to crawl out of their grave during the night, they choke people and drink their blood. When this happens, a crack appears on their grave through which they crawl in and out.

It is also believed that people who have sinned are most likely to become vampires.

Abilities, behaviour and appearance

“According to this South Slavic belief, in this critical period (refering to the 40 days) the vampire can be seen as a shadow or cannot be seen at all, but he has the ability to turn into the animal which has jumped over his grave. Then he feeds on human blood, but also animal blood. His habitat is the cemetery, where he always returns when the sun starts to rise. If the vampire isn’t destroyed in the first 40 days of his “life”, he will, from the blood he has drank during the previous nights’ roamings, become so strong that he won’t need to go back to his grave in a long time. Then, he can also be seen at crossroads, in mills or in the houses of his closest relatives, where he stays for a long time.

Usually vampires are middle-aged people, mostly men. They have sharp canines and long nails, since their teeth, hair and nails keep growing even after death […] They are stronger than ordinary men, they can move at high speed, turn into different animals, cross any obstacle “except for water and throns.’’”  ~Slavic Mythology, Nenad Gajić

Furthermore, some myths say that a vampire sometimes wisits his widowed wife and can have children with her. These children don’t have a shadow, have less bones than the norm and a large head. They have the ability to find, see and kill a vampire.

Protection and prevention

Slavs prefered prevention to protection, but, according to them, there are ways to protect yoursef from a vampire.

First of all, to discover a vampire, a horse can be brought near the grave, since horses can sense vampires. Also, ash or dirst can be spread near the grave where later footsteps will be seen, if the vampire crawls out of the grave. Also, if the grave is dug out and the corpse turns out to not be rotten, its eyes are wide open and its hair and nails haven’t stopped growing, this means that the corpse has revived and is a vampire.

How is this vampire destroyed? It has to be dug out, stabbed with a stake and thrown into the flames.

As for the methods of prevention, they include:

burying a corpse face down

cutting off limbs or the head

sliting the tendoms under the knees

stabbing a hawthorn’s peg into the forhead

When it comes to methods of protection, this is where the Slavis beliefs meet today’s myths:

a (pre-Christian) cross painted on the door of a house

garlic

iron

So, there you have it! Slavic myths, based on my personal research. Please take into consideration that all of this had to be translated from Serbian, somwhere even adapted, and I am only an amateur.

Either way, I hope you liked it!

Peace out ✌

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(language) moodboard: Russian ~ Russia ~ Россия ♱ ♥ 

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not to be like shakespeare was a feminist but shakespeare was obviously very intentional about onstage vs offstage deaths and I don’t think it’s an accident that we never see ophelia’s dead body and that gertrude is the one who describes it: after having been defined only by hamlet, laertes and polonius for the whole play she’s suddenly described by another woman for the first time, which minimizes the extent to which the description of her death (unlike every other description of her) is focused on her fetishized sexual purity. it’s ironic therefore that the image of Dead Ophelia has been THE icon of sexualized female death for literally all of western cultural history since then :/

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calling all Shakespeare fanfic writers! @unpretty, you probably know more folks than I do, boost the call?