paperraptor-blog - Tumblr blog

paperraptor-blog · 2 years

Text

I wonder how many animistic pagans and witches started out with believing our stuffed animals have souls.

698 notes · View notes

paperraptor-blog · 2 years

Text

My Monster

To start at the beginning I have no memory of ever having an appetite. I remember times where I got weak and shaky when I hadn’t eaten, then getting sick if I ate too much too soon. Growing up I was always getting sick. I would have major pain and we didn’t know what was going on. Eventually as an adult I would get diagnosed with celiac. I was always afraid of getting sick in public, and once my stomach started hurting, I wouldn’t eat again until I felt better. Between my stomach issues and 12 years in ballet, I had a hard relationship with food.

Ballet was a little different, in ballet you’re supposed to blend in. I was always a chubby kid and saw all of these beautiful tall skinny women. Most women I know that did ballet growing up have or have had a similar problem. Even as I got older, I was short and chubby. I would lose my baby weight in college. While everyone else gained the freshmen fifteen, I lost it. In high school I was chubby, even with ballet almost every day in middle school, and daily marching band. I couldn’t lose the weight, so I started skipping lunch. I had never been a breakfast person, my mom wasn’t either, and I didn’t feel hunger, so it was pretty easy to skip meals until dinner. That worked minimally, but it didn’t have as big of an effect as I wanted. I don’t remember when I stopped skipping lunch. I remember having a hard time getting lunch in high school added to me giving it up. The lines for food were so long that some days by the time you got food the bell would ring for class, and you couldn’t eat in class. Other days that bell would ring and you’d still be in line. I do know that I ate lunch and dinner in college. It would have been harder to hide skipping meals, and I had constant access to food on campus. I was only there for a year, but continued eating (for the most part) after I moved back home.

When I started dating my current significant other, he introduced me to breakfast. Even though it was weird for me, I like spending my mornings with him eating and talking and drinking tea. Around the two year mark of our relationship I had (finally) been diagnosed with endometriosis, had my first surgery to designees it, and been diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Eating was now based on when and if I could get a break at work (I had been working 2 - 3 jobs since I left college), and if I wasn’t nauseated by pain.

Around our five year mark, I began losing energy and eating non-stop to try and gain it back, and had become depressed. Going to my first Primary doctor I was quickly diagnosed with hypothyroidism, given medication, and started working on becoming happier, healthier, and losing the massive amount of weight I had gained. I had gone from a normal 90-95 lbs to 115-120 lbs at just 4’9”. It was a long road, but I made its with the help of my significant other and my friends. After a few years I had a radical hysterectomy, and things began looking up. That evil voice was just a whisper, I was on the road to a better life.

Around a year after my surgery, I began having issues with my weight again, but this time I was losing weight and had dipped down to 75 lbs. I had gained a new Primary Doctor, Endocrinologist, and a diagnosis of Hashimotos. My hypothyroid had switched to hyperthyroid. I started weighing myself again, but this time to make sure I was staying in a healthy weight range. But I was also paranoid. Gaining the weight that 15-20 lbs with hypothyroid had given my monster power, and it had waited silently for it’s time to strike. I was terrified of becoming more sickly, but also of gaining the weight I had worked so hard to get off. I liked my new skinnier self, even as I fought to keep the weight on. My thyroid would eventually even itself out, but the fight to keep the weight on became the new normal.

It’s been like this for two years now. Randomly dropping weight and working hard to gain it back. The voice has been silent. But it spoke up every time a loved one gained weight, even if it was a good thing. The voice telling me how gross it was to have weight. I would try and ignore it or correct it, but it would ring in my ears. Now I’m finally gaining weight. I’m up to 85 lbs from 80, and I’m so excited, I’m happy to be getting to a healthier weight. But the voice whispers in my ear again every time I change clothes or see myself in the mirror, anytime something doesn’t quite fit the same way.

It’s like when someone pops a kids balloon, and they’re distraught. Even when the balloon gets replaced they aren’t quite as happy. That previous incident still lingers for a few moments. The voices small mumbling still gets through all my barricades. No matter how happy I am, after catching myself in a reflection or changing clothes, it’s not quite the same for a while. I see people online talking about how much they love their body and I want to be like them. I want to be happy in my skin. Every time I try and follow in their footsteps I feel something holding me back. I can make small steps if I try hard enough, but the voices are heavy. It’s like I have an anchor chained to me. I can put more links in the chain and feel like I’m making progress, to distance myself. But physics tells us that the longer the chain, the heavier the object at the end feels. The harder it is to pull, the harder it becomes to pretend It’s all okay.

#Monster #health #tw weight #tw #tw eating issues #tw disordered eating #eating disoder recovery #disordered eating mention #eating habits #recovery #body check

0 notes

paperraptor-blog · 2 years

Text

Isn't it Ironic.

When you're really enjoying a TV show (Reality tattoo related) and they start talking shit about a dude's pentacle tattoo he got when he was dating a "witch". He pointed out its satanic if its upside down when he raises his arm.

But later they had a bunch of singing about God. Yep. See your priorities. If anyone was to do the opposite (like about the cross) It would be offensive.

I'm all sorts of pissed off and ready to fight.

0 notes

paperraptor-blog · 2 years

Text

Skyrim Marriage Options

Slowly growing list of Marriage Options and information about them.

Argonian

Derkeethus (M)

Darkwater Pass

Trapped in a cell

Essential

Can fight

Level cap 30

Mining camp of Darkwater Crossing

Scouts-Many-Marshes (M)

Windhelm in the Argonian Assemblage

Cannot fight

Blacksmith

Shahvee (F)

Windhelm docks, Eastmarch

Lives in the Argonian Assemblage

Quest

Breton

Ainethach (M)

Karthwasten

Runs Sanuarach Mine and farmhouse

Cosnach (M)

Markarth

Loves drinking

Lives in the Warrens

Muiri (F)

The Hag’s Cure in Markarth

Shop

Quest

Octieve San (M)

Solitude

Older

Retired veteran

Gambles, and drinks

Lives with daughter Evette

Omluag (M)

Markarth

Lives in the Warrens

Perth (M)

Soljund’s Sinkhole

Sell things to him

Quest

Softhearted

Shares a house with Tuthul

Dark Elf

Athis (M)

Whiterun

Can fight

Level cap 25

Part of the companions

Avrupa Sarethi (F)

Sarethi Farm

Alchemist with her own farm

Brelyna Maryon (F)

College of Winterhold

Can fight

Level 30 cap

Likes Winstead Manor

Quest

Can become a vampire

Dravynea the stoneweaver (F)

Kynesgrove

Jenassa (F)

Drunken huntman in whiterun

Can fight

Quest

Level cap 40

Sadistic and obsessed with killing

Mercenary

Excels at stealth

Revyn Sadri (M)

Sadri’s used Wares in Windhelm

Dislikes Thieves

Quest

Sondas Drenim (M)

Goldenrock Mine

High Elf

Taarie (F)

Solitude

Loving as a spouse

Radiant Raiment

Quest

Can live with her

Does night fight

Imperial

Camilla Valerius (F)

Riverwood

The two exes will continue to be in your home.

She will return to Riverwood if her brother dies

Can live with her and her brother

Starts her own store

Quest

Gilfre (F)

Mixwater Millowner

Owns her own house

Eastmarch

Keeps the household together

Quest

Cannot fight

Marcurio (M)

Riften

Mercenary

Level cap 40

Can fight

Arrogant

Pavo Attius (M)

Left Hand Mine

Owns Kolskeggr Gold Mind

Owns a house outside Markarth

Will remain in miner’s clothing

Quintus Navale (M)

Windhelm

Alchemist

Takes over the White Phial Shop when employer dies

Quest

Ria (F)

Jorrvaskr in whiterun

Can fight

Quest

Level 25 cap

Can join the blades

Can be a steward

Senna (F)

Temple of Dibella in Markarth

Quest

Does not fight

Dislikes breeze home with kids

Enjoys proud spire

Sorex Vinius (M)

Solitude

Love triangle with Vivienne Ones and Roggvir (beheade)

Flirts with customers after marriage

Hates all homes except Proudspire Manor

Runs the Winking Skeever Inn

Viola Giordano (F)

Windhelm

Older

Owns a home (that rivals Hjerim)

Nord

Aela the huntress (F)

Whiterun (Jorrvaskr)

Can fight

Companion

Opens a shop

Quest

Dislikes most houses except proud spire

Essential till Glory of the Dead

Werewolf

Level cap 50

Can become vampire (mixed reviews)

Can be located by doing a companion quest if missing

Aeri (F)

Aeri’s House in Anga’s Mill

Older

Owner of Anga’s Mill

Owns her own house

Angrenor Once-Honored (M)

Windhelm

Homeless

Argis the Bulwark (M)

Markarth

Housecarl

Opens a shop

Can fight

Balimund (M)

Riften

Owns a house

Adopted son Asbjorn Fire-Tamer

Runs the blacksmith shop

Belrand (M)

Solitude

Sellsword for hire

Older

Level cap 40

Benor (M)

Morthal

Thug

Lives in the guardhouse (not a guard)

Calder (M)

Windhelm

Housecarl

Level cap 50

Quest

Can fight

Erik the Slayer (M)

Rorikstead

Can fight

Mercenary

Cheerful

Farkas (M)

Whiterun

Member of the Companions

Can fight

Werewolf

Little dopey

Great with kids, sweet to a spouse

Monster in battle

Level Cap 50

If you Marry him you can invite Vilkas to be your steward

Can be located by doing a companion quest if missing

Filnjar (M)

Shor’s Stone

Older

Blacksmith

Owns a house

Grelka (F)

Riften

Iona (F)

Riften

Can fight

Housecarl

Constant compliments

Jordis the sword-maiden (F)

Proud spire manor in solitude

Housecarl

Can fight

Level cap 50

Possible bug not allowing marriage

Lydia (F)

Dragonsreach

Housecarl

Can fight

Level cap 25

Mjoll the lioness (F)

Riften

Can fight

Level cap 40

Dislikes Thieves’ Guild

Quest

Worry about Markarth house

Like most houses

Essential

Where she goes, so does Aerin

Njada Stonearm (F)

Whiterun (Jorrvaskr)

Can fight

Quest

Level 25 cap

Onmund (M)

Nord Apprentice at College of Winterhold

Can fight

Level cap 30

Orla (F)

Temple of Dibella in Markarth

Daily income

Will not leave temple of Dibella

Roggi Knot-Beard (M)

Kynesgrove

Can be a follower and a steward

Miner

Quest

Level cap 20

Stenvar (M)

Windhelm

Mercenary

Sense of humor

Can fight

Level cap 40

Sylgja (F)

Shor’s Stone, The Rift

Quest

Does not fight

Temba Wide-Arm (F)

Ivarstead

Kind and amiable wife

Dislikes breeze home

Does not fight

Mill owner

Torvar (M)

Whiterun

Member of the companions

Can fight

Drinker

Level cap 25

Uthgerd (F)

Whiterun

Can fight

Level 30 cap

Quest

Mercenary

Owns a house

Vilkas (M)

Whiterun

Member of the companions

Werewolf

Can fight

Level Cap 50

Intelligent

Steward Material

Fierce in a fight

Can be located by doing a companion quest if missing

Vorstag (M)

Markarth

Mercenary

Lives in the silver-blood inn

Level cap 40

Likes Heljarchen Hall

Candiate for the blades

Sweet and a badass

Wilhelm (M)

Ivarstead

Cannot be a follower

Essential

Runs the Vilemyr Inn

Ysolda (F)

Whiterun near merchant stalls

Marriage perk: 100 septa’s per day

Does not fight

Crush on Mikael the bard

Drug dealer

Small house in Whiterun

Takes over Banered Mare if Ulda is killed

Essential

Quest

Likes Herjerchan hall

Orc

Gat gro-Shargakh (M)

Left hand mine (Before cleared of forsworn)

Marriage perk: 100 gold daily

Lives in Kolskeggr Mine

Borgakh the steel heart (F)

Mor Khazgur, Haafingar

Quest

Daughter of the Chief Larak

Level cap 30

Can fight

Ghorbash the Iron Hand (M)

Dushnikh Yal

Sneaky

Brother of Chief Burguk

Level cap 30

Potential Steward

Can fight

Ghorza gra-Bagoi (F)

Markarth

Blacksmith

Quest

Lives with her brother in Understone keep

Great Spouse

Moth gro-Bagol (M)

Understone Keep

Ghorza’s brother

Blacksmith

RedGuard

Anwen (F)

Temple of Dibella in Markarth

Rayya (F)

Falkreath

Housecarl

Can Fight

Quest

ESSENTIAL CHARACTER

#skyrim followers #skyrim #oblivion #the elder scrolls #elder scrolls #skyrim marriage #marriage #relationship #follower #followers #skyrim wife #Skyrim marriage #skyrim husband #partner #skyrim p

51 notes · View notes

paperraptor-blog · 2 years

Text

Herbal Facts

When/How to harvest

Roots and barks - best to harvest in the fall or spring when the plant is dormant

Leaves and tops - best to harvest before and right until the plant is in bloom in spring and summer.

Flowers and blossoms - harvest just as they start to bloom

Berries and fruits - harvest when they look full, juicy, and bright.

Learn from your senses, taste the leaves and fruit, smell the plant.

Harvest in the morning after the dew is dried.

How to wildcraft herbs

Definition: gathering herbs in their native environment

Resources:

local county extension office - vivid pictures

Matter gardener’s clubs - in the above

Books on foraging

Do it ethically

Be sure it’s the right plant

Avoid high traffic areas and leave only footprints

Learn when to harvest

Only harvest what you need. Leave 70% or more

Label plant material and take notes including where you found it.

#baby witch #witchythings #witchlife #witchcraft #plants and herbs #herbsandflowers #herbalwitch #herbs #harvesting

58 notes · View notes

paperraptor-blog · 2 years

Text

Tarot Cards

Major Arcana

Trump Cards

Refer to more major influences and revelation

0. The fool - Open to new experiences I know that you know nothing.

The magician - Using knowledge to manifest change or be yourself.

The high priestess - Listen to your instincts or something that can only be understood through experience.

The Empress - Caring for others/ create

The Emperor - Respect yourself and upholding order through leadership

The Hierophant - Obey and conforming to traditional institutions

The Lovers - Follow your heart, making a decision that makes your heart happy

The Chariot - The triumph of will in hard times, keep going.

Strength - Believe in yourself, calm control that soothes the situation

The Hermit - Retreating from distraction to determine your own truth, think on it.

Wheel of fortune - Roll with it, go with the flow, change is at hand

Justice - the consequence of your actions are at hand, do the right thing

The Hanged Man - surrender, willing surrender, to an experience or situations

Death - An ending that makes transformation, rebirth possible, change

Temperance - Find the balance, moderation and sensibility

The Devil - self destructive patterns, beware your appetites

The Tower - Expect the unexpected, an unexpected, ruinous event

The Star - Guidance, hope, and loss, have faith

The moon - Remember, deception, and hidden danger

The Sun - maternal happiness, and growth, enjoy

Judgement - face yourself, a new phase begins

The world - completion, wholeness, and change of pace, move on

Minor Arcana

Wands

The start of something fresh and clean. They may be a spark of inspiration, an impulse decision or start of new project

They are about two halves of a whole, and finding the middle ground between them.

The result of collaboration, inspiration, and the decisions you’ve made. They come from bringing 1 and 2 together.

You’ve done the initial work, and you’ve reaped the first wave of benefits. They signify a time to rest and reflect on your accomplishments before you start working again.

It could be a change in status, change in heart, or fine tuning of things. That change could bring conflict and a bit of misery, but it can also bring hope.

They signal time of benefits and a chance to relax and revel in the moment.

They could represent those times when it’s best to be transparent and think about the longterm rather than the instant gratification.

They stand for moving forward in a controlled, structured way. They are the cards that ask you to look at the steps that need to be taken.

These are usually the times when you see the end and know what you have to do to get there. Either because it’s so close, or because you’ve already made it.

They stand for the finish line, where lessons are learned and rewards or consequences are reaped. They make the end of one journey and the beginning of another.

Messages, new beginnings, young folk

Imminent spiritual growth, typically through flashes of inspiration and an abundance of creative energy.

Decisions, balance, movement

The beginning of spiritual adventures, or the ability of spiritual aid.

Creativity, feminine energy, fertility

Power to foster and guide creative energy

Stability, masculine energy, authority

The power to govern and safeguard your creative energy

Swords