perksoftime

[perksoftime]

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙉’𝙏 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 6

a/n: sorry for the wait, but here's a nice long chapter!

“Hey.” 

You turned your head, seeing Peter land on the rooftop, his suit long gone, now replaced by a hoodie. He took a seat on the ledge next to you, giving your hand a squeeze. You mustered up a small smile, before looking back out towards the city.

“You okay?” Peter asked, noticing the air around you. He paused. “Is it your dad?”

Laughing, you lay your head on his shoulder. “How’d you know?”

“I know you, Y/N. You always come out here when you guys fight.”

You sighed. “He just doesn’t get it. I don’t know how to make him understand. He’s so…stubborn, and set in his ways. I wish he’d at least try to be more open and realize that I don’t have to be what he expects me to.” 

“I think his mind is too old.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that.” You snorted. “He’d take away your suit.”

“Right. Don’t tell him. I kinda need it.” He looked around in false fear, as if your dad would randomly show up on this old building.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, soaking in each other's presence. You assumed that was the end of the conversation — it was always back and forth with Tony. He wouldn’t change, no matter how much you wanted him to. This was just something you would have to learn to accept. 

“Give him some time,” Peter’s voice echoed into the night sky. “I know it seems like he doesn’t understand, and that he wants too much from you, but you are his first kid. And it’s not like he had any good role models, either. I’m not saying his actions are totally justified, but you should look at things from his point of view. Just how he should with you.”

You raised a brow. “When did you get so smart?”

”Always been.” He smirked, tucking loose strands of hair behind your ear.

“Shut up. I literally saw you web your own hand to the table last week.”

“Okay but listen, in my defense…”

——————————————

You cried the whole way back to your house. Even though you tried to hold it together, you cried in the taxi, you cried walking the rest of the way to your house after getting out early from embarrassment, and you still cried even after the door slammed behind you. Everything you held in for weeks came crashing out, and you could no longer keep it inside. The dam had finally collapsed.

The tears only subsided once your head hit your pillow, the sound muffled, no longer echoing through your empty house. You never thought your night would end this way – maybe if you hadn’t left with May, you’d still be able to hold onto the illusion that things between you and Peter could work out eventually. That there was something salvageable. But after the night’s events, you became certain that bridge was forever burned, and you couldn’t fix it, even if you wanted to. It was time to come to terms with the fact that your old life died along with your father, and that just like him, it would never come back to you. 

But you didn’t know how to move on. You were stuck in time, unable to forget how things used to be, how your life used to be. It was strange to think that just a few months ago (in the sense), everything seemed to be going exactly how you planned, a stark contrast to the present.

You thought back to earlier that night. Maybe you had been a bit unjust, blaming Peter as the reason why everything cracked, but he was mean. That was never a word you’d use to describe the boy you used to love, and up until that moment you didn’t even think he was capable of being so harsh. This was the guy who literally sacrificed most of his nights to help the people of the city, the guy who could never let anyone get hurt…except you. 

It’s all your fault. You made him like this. Ruined him. You should’ve stayed away. 

He was right. You destroyed everything and everyone around you. A burden. And as you lay face down on your bed, you made a silent vow that once high school was over, you’d leave without a warning, no trace left behind. There was no reason for you to stay here anymore, really. It would be easier to just start over somewhere new, where nobody knew you, or had to be brought down by your actions. 

Typical. Always running away.

“Shut up!” You screeched, smacking the pillow as you lifted your head, unable to ever find some semblance of peace and quiet in your mind. Brushing your hair away, your eyes drifted over to your desk, where the small device had been laying ever since you had received it. 

Slowly, you lifted from your bed, travelling over towards it, as if some force was enticing you. Months had passed, and you delayed watching the message, not wanting to face reality, but now something inside you no longer cared. You owed it to your dad to do this. 

Deep breaths. You’d stopped crying by now. There were no tears left inside of you, anyways. Lifting the device, you carried it back over to your bed, sitting down as your finger loomed over the button. It was now or never – if you didn’t do this now, you didn’t think you ever would. The device was light in your hand, and you found it strange how such a small thing had your mind spinning back and forth.

You pressed it. In front of you, a projection began to form, Tony coming into view. It was so…realistic. Like you could reach out and actually feel him. He looked older than how you remembered him. His hair seemed thinner, and gray, something you had never seen much of before. A few wrinkles scattered his face, but for the most part, he still looked like your dad. The only unusual thing was that he was…content? Was that the right word? Unlike before, he no longer had the weight of the world pressing down on him. You knew he had hung up the suit after the blip, and it would’ve stayed that way if things hadn’t gone so wrong. For the first time since you knew him, your dad looked at peace with his past, with what had happened to him. He stopped struggling. 

He was sitting down, in his lab you assumed, his eyes boring into yours. You looked down, the eeriness of it all seeping in, and you pressed the button again to start the message. You weren’t sure what to expect. Did he know he was going to die? Is that why he recorded this? Or was it just some coincidence, some feeling within him that compelled him to do so? 

It began. At first, he didn’t speak. He was just looking down, then up, as if he was unsure of what to even say. Judging by his slightly disheveled appearance, it was probably recorded last minute, something that should’ve never existed. 

Tony let out a sigh, before finally directing his gaze fully upwards. He sat up straight, and slightly cleared his throat.

“We’re going to try and bring everyone back tomorrow…to bring you back. I almost didn’t agree. Not that I didn’t want you back. Of course I do, it's just…I thought that I had come to terms with what happened. That I was finally okay to ‘move on’ after five years.” He finger quoted. “But I don’t know who I was trying to fool. Truth is that even now, after all this time, not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, Y/N. You were the best part of my life, and when you…” He glanced upwards, squeezing his eyes shut for a brief moment. “I didn’t know how to feel, how to act. So I hid. I left my past behind, and tried to forget. I stopped being Iron-Man because I just couldn’t do it anymore. I thought that the suit took everything from me. But I lost sight of all that it had given me. Without it, I would’ve just been some arrogant, egotistical ass that had no purpose or direction. Actually, I wouldn’t even be alive if it wasn’t for the suit.”

He paused, and you sat there, motionless, unsure of how to react. It had been so long since you heard his voice, and it struck something deep within you, awakening it.

“When I was in that cave being held hostage by the Ten Rings, there was a doctor there with me – Yinsen. Not sure if I ever told you that, things have all jumbled together in my mind. One night he asked me if I had any family waiting for me back home. I told him no, and he said that I ‘had everything…and nothing’. He was right. I had all the money I could ever need, and my company was booming, but I had no one missing me. Nobody who ate dinner with me just because, no one to come home to, no one to really call family. It made me wonder what my life really was, if it really had any true meaning or value. If I died, the world would move on in a blink.

But then you came into my life, and everything changed. I had someone relying on me, someone who needed me. You made me a better person, Y/N. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, and I admit I should’ve done some things differently, but in the end, I wouldn’t take anything back. I’m glad you stumbled into my life because if you hadn’t, I would not be who I am today. And I can’t believe it took me so long to acknowledge it. I should’ve…I should’ve fought harder to bring you back. I shouldn’t have given up so easily, or accepted the fact that you were gone. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

His voice cracked a bit as he said it, eyes brimming with remorse. You wished he hadn’t felt that way. It wasn’t his fault. 

“I, uh, came into the lab for the first time in years. Something compelled me to, and you know what the first thing I saw was?” He held up a frame, a picture of you and him, along with Peter. You remembered that day. The three of you had been working in the lab for hours, perfecting some details on Tony’s suit, and Pepper had strolled in, and decided that was the perfect time for a picture. In it, you were situated on Peter’s back, laughing with him, while Tony wore an annoyed smile on his face. It was one of your favourites, and you had gotten it framed for Tony and Peter. A tribute, of sorts. 

To remember me by. You had told Peter that. He had responded with some remark about how your dad would always be watching him now, but you knew he loved it. You wondered if he still had it in his room. Probably not.

Tony looked down at the photo, rubbing his chin. “Looking at this made me realize that I couldn’t leave the two of you behind. I had to at least try to do something. So I did. I found a way, Y/N. I’m going to bring you back, no matter what. I wasn’t there for the first few years of your life, but I want to be for the rest of it. I want to see you graduate. I want to walk you down the aisle. I want to see you live. You deserve that. I can’t continue on with my life knowing that I could’ve done something to bring you back. And even though it took some thinking, I put my all into this – we're going back in time. Now, I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or if it’ll even work, but I’m going to try. For you. 

I wasn’t going to film this, really. I was going to wait until we were back together to tell you all this, but something in me told me to, just in case. I have to leave you with something, at least. I want you to know, Y/N, that you mean everything to me. And I know that I don’t say it much, but I love you.” He laughed, quietly. “God, it's been five years since I’ve said that to you. Can you believe it? Your old man really is old now. I’m not cut out for this shit anymore, but for you, I’ll do it. So, hopefully, soon, you’ll be back with me, and we can all be a proper family. Oh, you might be a little surprised when you come back. Some things have…changed, a bit. But in a good way, I promise. I should go now. I think this thing has a time limit? Anyways, I’ll see you soon, Y/N, and, again, just for good measures, I love you.”

The recording halted, Tony’s smile lingering for a moment before the image vanished from sight. Your eyes were still locked into where he had been, and you realized tears had once again begun to stream. 

Silence. Until a guttural sob left you, and you broke down, this time much worse than you had before. Everything you had felt when you first found out about his death came back, and it was like you had been transported back in time to that very moment. Your chest felt tight, your lungs unable to function.

He was so optimistic. He thought he was going to come back. Little did he know that he would never see you ever again. His gut feeling was right, and you desperately wished it hadn’t been.

He shouldn’t have done it. He should’ve left you dead. You weren’t worth it. Tony died for you, and all you did in return was ruin everything. You made everything difficult for everyone around you. He deserved to be here instead of you, to be with his family. He had much more to give than you – it wasn’t fair. 

Why did it have to be him? After so long, he had finally found some solace from his past, from his struggles. The anxiety that plagued him had vanished, and he was no longer held back. All he ever wanted…he got just that. And then it was taken away. Because of you. If only he could’ve just moved on, and left you where you belonged. In his memories. 

You wondered what he would say if he saw you now. Would he be disappointed? Would he wish that he’d never done it, or even tried? You knew you could be better, you just couldn’t. There was nothing left within you to try to change. Whatever had broken couldn’t be fixed – pieces were missing, and there was nothing to glue it back together. Maybe this was how you’d always be – destroyed. 

Watching that message just made things worse, really. Your mind had more ammo to throw at you, to break you down further. It just made you more sad. Seeing what could’ve been if the events had played out differently.

“I’m sorry, Dad…” you choked out, quietly, a desperate attempt to ease your guilt. Chest heaving, you sunk back into your pillow, trying to stifle your sorrow.

I’m sorry.

——————————————

The sound of the door bell ringing jolted you awake. Your eyes searched the room, groggily, mind blanking for a moment, until you remembered.

May.Fighting with Peter. Dad’s message. Crying. 

You didn’t know when you fell asleep, or how. You had been crying, and crying, and then boom, you were now awake. Your head pounded, your eyes were dry, and you were sure you probably looked terrible. Grabbing your phone, you saw the time. 9:30. Who the hell would be so desperate to be at your door this early? Then below it, you saw a number of notifications.

MAY - MISSED CALL (4)

MAY: Please pick up

MAY: Did you get home?

And a few more like that. But nothing from Peter. As expected. You didn’t know why you thought anything would’ve changed – in fact, it was probably worse now. Even after all he said, there was still a small part of you that missed him. Just a bit. You missed your best friend, and being able to confide in someone who understood, someone you thought was like you. But after yesterday, it became clear that the two of you were no longer compatible. Time had changed you, and it was time to accept the fact that that chapter of your life was over for good. But there was still some presence of hope within you, as much as you wished there wasn’t.

The bell rang again, and you rolled your eyes, reluctantly crawling out of bed and stumbling down to the front door. For a second, you contemplated not opening the door, but curiosity got the better of you. Without checking, you unlocked the door, swinging it open, and you suddenly wished you had looked before. The stocky man stood in front of you, wearing an unreadable expression, which wasn’t good. You were unsure of what to expect.

You sighed, stepping back to let him in. “If you’re here to lecture me, Happy, I don’t wanna hear it.” 

“Hello to you too.” He walked into the living room, plopping down onto one of the arm chairs. You sat on the couch, laying your head back, preparing for whatever he wanted to say. “May called. She was worried about you, so I came to check on you.”

“What else did she tell you?” You knew that wasn’t the only reason.

Happy’s face contorted slightly into one of discomfort. “She, uh, told me you and Peter had a…disagreement, of sorts.”

You snorted. “Yeah, disagreement, sure. Come on, Happy, I know she told you I punched him. Stop beating around the bush and say what you really came here to.”

He paused, sitting up to look straight at you, and he looked…worried. “Why? What happened between you guys? I thought everything was fine.”

You bit your nail. “I don't know.” Your voice was small, unsteady. “I don’t know why, but things have changed, okay? And I was just so angry yesterday and got ahead of myself. But I’m not sorry I did it. I’m glad I got it out, and I’m glad I can see clearly now and that I’m not deluding myself into believing in something that’s no longer there.”

“What did he say?”

“It doesn’t matter, Happy. I was just mad that he was right, I guess.”

“Was it about Tony?”

You glanced upwards, narrowing your eyes. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does, Y/N!” His voice echoed slightly, and it surprised you. Happy was never one to raise his voice at you. “Over these past few months, I’ve seen you spiral out of control. Look, I know you’re hurting, but this isn’t what he would want, okay? He did everything to bring you back–”

“I never asked him to do that!” His message came back to mind. For you, Y/N. “I never asked him to bring me back. I would much rather that he be here instead of me. I know he did everything! I know. I just wish that he didn’t. He…he deserves to be here.” Your words sat in the air, expanding the tension present in the room.

Happy looked down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers, before he got up, moving to sit on the couch next to you. You shifted away. He looked out the window.

“I miss him too.” He whispered, glancing back at you. You couldn’t make eye contact, fearing you’d have another breakdown, and you didn’t want him to have to witness that. “You don’t have to tell me what happened between the two of you. But I’ll be here if you want to. I’m not gonna say I understand – I don’t, but I know you and Peter. You’ll work it out eventually, I’m sure.”

If only he knew how wrong he was. He didn’t know what had happened the past few months, or what had happened yesterday. He didn’t know how numb you had become, how you gave up on that relationship. But you didn’t have the heart to tell him. You just nodded your head a bit, before picking at your nails. Happy patted your shoulder, before getting up. 

“I have to do some things, but call me if you need anything.”

Yeah, right. 

And with that, he shut the door behind him, leaving you alone in the silent house, only your mind for comfort. You shook your head, heading to the bathroom to splash your face with cold water. It brought some energy into you. You were exhausted, even after having slept for almost 10 hours. It was the most you had slept all month, but you still felt more tired than usual. It was just something you’d have to get used to.

Leaving the bathroom, you made your way to the stairs to go back to bed, but stopped. A door caught your eye, one that you never dared to open before. The basement, where Tony’s lab lay. You’d never gone down there – the lab you had gone to was in Stark Tower, your home before the blip. But he had downsized. And you never had the courage to venture down there, afraid of what you’d find. Pepper never went down there, either – she couldn’t face it. But you felt it was time – what was one more thing? You’d already confronted much more in the past 24 hours than you had in the past few months. 

It took some pulling, but the door eventually creaked open, and you placed one foot on the stairs, trying to will yourself down them. One foot in front of the other, until you reached the end. It was dark, and you felt around for the switch, but the room already lit up, sensing your presence. It wasn’t too large – just an adequate size, one that satisfied your dad’s needs. And there wasn’t much in it, either. A few unfinished works lay scattered amongst the tables, a couple of computers and tech, but that was pretty much it. It was strange – you were used to the extravagance, but it seemed Tony had given it up. Shelves full of tools and boxes lined the walls, many of them dusty and some unopened, which was expected considering that he said himself he hadn’t even used it for years. 

You walked through the room, admiring the last remnants of your father, reminiscing. So many hours you had spent with him developing new technologies, or working on his suit, or just something. You’d do anything to get those moments back, to get new ones. When was the last time you’d gone into a lab? You couldn’t even remember. The time since the blip felt like years, days going by slower than ever before.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you noticed something…strange. Behind one of the shelves, there was a small uneven patch in the wall, like a button, almost unrecognizable, but you had seen something like it back in the old lab. Tony used them to hide things, usually something he didn’t want to fall into the wrong hands. But why would one be here, in your basement? What did he have that he had to keep locked behind a wall? You assumed it was probably just something he didn’t want Morgan to stumble upon by accident, but you still wanted to make sure. Without a second thought, you reached out and pressed the button, and for a moment, nothing happened, and you began to think it was just a mishap during building.

Then the wall in front of you opened, revealing a small room lined with…more boxes. There was no mystery here. Just extra storage. Great. You shouldn’t have expected anything else, really. Tony really had given it all up. Still, you walked into the room, rummaging through some of the boxes, looking for anything familiar. It was all just mostly tools, some half-made inventions that were scrapped, things like that. While searching, your foot accidentally knocked over one of the boxes on the floor, spewing its contents everywhere. You groaned, kneeling down to clean up the mess in case Pepper really did come down there, not wanting to make her any more angry. 

But as you put the things back in the box, one item stuck out. It didn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the box's contents, which were all mostly scraps. This item seemed off. It was a small, sealed glass container, which was already strange by itself. There was no opening. And the weirdest part was that inside, there was some kind of black…liquid? But it didn’t seem all too fluid, more slime like, really. 

Maybe it's a chemical? But why would it just be in some box? And what chemical looks like this? It didn’t add up – your dad was more into tech than chemistry. You picked up the object, examining it, trying to decipher what it was to avail. You were stumped. But if you didn’t know, there was someone who could. Walking out of the room, you ventured into the main area, sitting down at one of the computers, tapping a few buttons, until it spoke.

“Good morning, Miss Stark. How may I assist you?” The robotic voice spoke, booming into the lab. 

“Friday, can you tell me what this is?” You held it to the scanner, allowing the computer to process it.

“I am sorry, but I am not quite sure what it is. It is hard to tell through its encasing. I haven’t seen anything like it.”

Huh.

-

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[perksoftime]

new chapter up! hopefully I can upload 7 soon but we will see

[perksoftime]

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙉’𝙏 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 6

a/n: sorry for the wait, but here's a nice long chapter!

“Hey.” 

You turned your head, seeing Peter land on the rooftop, his suit long gone, now replaced by a hoodie. He took a seat on the ledge next to you, giving your hand a squeeze. You mustered up a small smile, before looking back out towards the city.

“You okay?” Peter asked, noticing the air around you. He paused. “Is it your dad?”

Laughing, you lay your head on his shoulder. “How’d you know?”

“I know you, Y/N. You always come out here when you guys fight.”

You sighed. “He just doesn’t get it. I don’t know how to make him understand. He’s so…stubborn, and set in his ways. I wish he’d at least try to be more open and realize that I don’t have to be what he expects me to.” 

“I think his mind is too old.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that.” You snorted. “He’d take away your suit.”

“Right. Don’t tell him. I kinda need it.” He looked around in false fear, as if your dad would randomly show up on this old building.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, soaking in each other's presence. You assumed that was the end of the conversation — it was always back and forth with Tony. He wouldn’t change, no matter how much you wanted him to. This was just something you would have to learn to accept. 

“Give him some time,” Peter’s voice echoed into the night sky. “I know it seems like he doesn’t understand, and that he wants too much from you, but you are his first kid. And it’s not like he had any good role models, either. I’m not saying his actions are totally justified, but you should look at things from his point of view. Just how he should with you.”

You raised a brow. “When did you get so smart?”

”Always been.” He smirked, tucking loose strands of hair behind your ear.

“Shut up. I literally saw you web your own hand to the table last week.”

“Okay but listen, in my defense…”

——————————————

You cried the whole way back to your house. Even though you tried to hold it together, you cried in the taxi, you cried walking the rest of the way to your house after getting out early from embarrassment, and you still cried even after the door slammed behind you. Everything you held in for weeks came crashing out, and you could no longer keep it inside. The dam had finally collapsed.

The tears only subsided once your head hit your pillow, the sound muffled, no longer echoing through your empty house. You never thought your night would end this way – maybe if you hadn’t left with May, you’d still be able to hold onto the illusion that things between you and Peter could work out eventually. That there was something salvageable. But after the night’s events, you became certain that bridge was forever burned, and you couldn’t fix it, even if you wanted to. It was time to come to terms with the fact that your old life died along with your father, and that just like him, it would never come back to you. 

But you didn’t know how to move on. You were stuck in time, unable to forget how things used to be, how your life used to be. It was strange to think that just a few months ago (in the sense), everything seemed to be going exactly how you planned, a stark contrast to the present.

You thought back to earlier that night. Maybe you had been a bit unjust, blaming Peter as the reason why everything cracked, but he was mean. That was never a word you’d use to describe the boy you used to love, and up until that moment you didn’t even think he was capable of being so harsh. This was the guy who literally sacrificed most of his nights to help the people of the city, the guy who could never let anyone get hurt…except you. 

It’s all your fault. You made him like this. Ruined him. You should’ve stayed away. 

He was right. You destroyed everything and everyone around you. A burden. And as you lay face down on your bed, you made a silent vow that once high school was over, you’d leave without a warning, no trace left behind. There was no reason for you to stay here anymore, really. It would be easier to just start over somewhere new, where nobody knew you, or had to be brought down by your actions. 

Typical. Always running away.

“Shut up!” You screeched, smacking the pillow as you lifted your head, unable to ever find some semblance of peace and quiet in your mind. Brushing your hair away, your eyes drifted over to your desk, where the small device had been laying ever since you had received it. 

Slowly, you lifted from your bed, travelling over towards it, as if some force was enticing you. Months had passed, and you delayed watching the message, not wanting to face reality, but now something inside you no longer cared. You owed it to your dad to do this. 

Deep breaths. You’d stopped crying by now. There were no tears left inside of you, anyways. Lifting the device, you carried it back over to your bed, sitting down as your finger loomed over the button. It was now or never – if you didn’t do this now, you didn’t think you ever would. The device was light in your hand, and you found it strange how such a small thing had your mind spinning back and forth.

You pressed it. In front of you, a projection began to form, Tony coming into view. It was so…realistic. Like you could reach out and actually feel him. He looked older than how you remembered him. His hair seemed thinner, and gray, something you had never seen much of before. A few wrinkles scattered his face, but for the most part, he still looked like your dad. The only unusual thing was that he was…content? Was that the right word? Unlike before, he no longer had the weight of the world pressing down on him. You knew he had hung up the suit after the blip, and it would’ve stayed that way if things hadn’t gone so wrong. For the first time since you knew him, your dad looked at peace with his past, with what had happened to him. He stopped struggling. 

He was sitting down, in his lab you assumed, his eyes boring into yours. You looked down, the eeriness of it all seeping in, and you pressed the button again to start the message. You weren’t sure what to expect. Did he know he was going to die? Is that why he recorded this? Or was it just some coincidence, some feeling within him that compelled him to do so? 

It began. At first, he didn’t speak. He was just looking down, then up, as if he was unsure of what to even say. Judging by his slightly disheveled appearance, it was probably recorded last minute, something that should’ve never existed. 

Tony let out a sigh, before finally directing his gaze fully upwards. He sat up straight, and slightly cleared his throat.

“We’re going to try and bring everyone back tomorrow…to bring you back. I almost didn’t agree. Not that I didn’t want you back. Of course I do, it's just…I thought that I had come to terms with what happened. That I was finally okay to ‘move on’ after five years.” He finger quoted. “But I don’t know who I was trying to fool. Truth is that even now, after all this time, not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, Y/N. You were the best part of my life, and when you…” He glanced upwards, squeezing his eyes shut for a brief moment. “I didn’t know how to feel, how to act. So I hid. I left my past behind, and tried to forget. I stopped being Iron-Man because I just couldn’t do it anymore. I thought that the suit took everything from me. But I lost sight of all that it had given me. Without it, I would’ve just been some arrogant, egotistical ass that had no purpose or direction. Actually, I wouldn’t even be alive if it wasn’t for the suit.”

He paused, and you sat there, motionless, unsure of how to react. It had been so long since you heard his voice, and it struck something deep within you, awakening it.

“When I was in that cave being held hostage by the Ten Rings, there was a doctor there with me – Yinsen. Not sure if I ever told you that, things have all jumbled together in my mind. One night he asked me if I had any family waiting for me back home. I told him no, and he said that I ‘had everything…and nothing’. He was right. I had all the money I could ever need, and my company was booming, but I had no one missing me. Nobody who ate dinner with me just because, no one to come home to, no one to really call family. It made me wonder what my life really was, if it really had any true meaning or value. If I died, the world would move on in a blink.

But then you came into my life, and everything changed. I had someone relying on me, someone who needed me. You made me a better person, Y/N. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, and I admit I should’ve done some things differently, but in the end, I wouldn’t take anything back. I’m glad you stumbled into my life because if you hadn’t, I would not be who I am today. And I can’t believe it took me so long to acknowledge it. I should’ve…I should’ve fought harder to bring you back. I shouldn’t have given up so easily, or accepted the fact that you were gone. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

His voice cracked a bit as he said it, eyes brimming with remorse. You wished he hadn’t felt that way. It wasn’t his fault. 

“I, uh, came into the lab for the first time in years. Something compelled me to, and you know what the first thing I saw was?” He held up a frame, a picture of you and him, along with Peter. You remembered that day. The three of you had been working in the lab for hours, perfecting some details on Tony’s suit, and Pepper had strolled in, and decided that was the perfect time for a picture. In it, you were situated on Peter’s back, laughing with him, while Tony wore an annoyed smile on his face. It was one of your favourites, and you had gotten it framed for Tony and Peter. A tribute, of sorts. 

To remember me by. You had told Peter that. He had responded with some remark about how your dad would always be watching him now, but you knew he loved it. You wondered if he still had it in his room. Probably not.

Tony looked down at the photo, rubbing his chin. “Looking at this made me realize that I couldn’t leave the two of you behind. I had to at least try to do something. So I did. I found a way, Y/N. I’m going to bring you back, no matter what. I wasn’t there for the first few years of your life, but I want to be for the rest of it. I want to see you graduate. I want to walk you down the aisle. I want to see you live. You deserve that. I can’t continue on with my life knowing that I could’ve done something to bring you back. And even though it took some thinking, I put my all into this – we're going back in time. Now, I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or if it’ll even work, but I’m going to try. For you. 

I wasn’t going to film this, really. I was going to wait until we were back together to tell you all this, but something in me told me to, just in case. I have to leave you with something, at least. I want you to know, Y/N, that you mean everything to me. And I know that I don’t say it much, but I love you.” He laughed, quietly. “God, it's been five years since I’ve said that to you. Can you believe it? Your old man really is old now. I’m not cut out for this shit anymore, but for you, I’ll do it. So, hopefully, soon, you’ll be back with me, and we can all be a proper family. Oh, you might be a little surprised when you come back. Some things have…changed, a bit. But in a good way, I promise. I should go now. I think this thing has a time limit? Anyways, I’ll see you soon, Y/N, and, again, just for good measures, I love you.”

The recording halted, Tony’s smile lingering for a moment before the image vanished from sight. Your eyes were still locked into where he had been, and you realized tears had once again begun to stream. 

Silence. Until a guttural sob left you, and you broke down, this time much worse than you had before. Everything you had felt when you first found out about his death came back, and it was like you had been transported back in time to that very moment. Your chest felt tight, your lungs unable to function.

He was so optimistic. He thought he was going to come back. Little did he know that he would never see you ever again. His gut feeling was right, and you desperately wished it hadn’t been.

He shouldn’t have done it. He should’ve left you dead. You weren’t worth it. Tony died for you, and all you did in return was ruin everything. You made everything difficult for everyone around you. He deserved to be here instead of you, to be with his family. He had much more to give than you – it wasn’t fair. 

Why did it have to be him? After so long, he had finally found some solace from his past, from his struggles. The anxiety that plagued him had vanished, and he was no longer held back. All he ever wanted…he got just that. And then it was taken away. Because of you. If only he could’ve just moved on, and left you where you belonged. In his memories. 

You wondered what he would say if he saw you now. Would he be disappointed? Would he wish that he’d never done it, or even tried? You knew you could be better, you just couldn’t. There was nothing left within you to try to change. Whatever had broken couldn’t be fixed – pieces were missing, and there was nothing to glue it back together. Maybe this was how you’d always be – destroyed. 

Watching that message just made things worse, really. Your mind had more ammo to throw at you, to break you down further. It just made you more sad. Seeing what could’ve been if the events had played out differently.

“I’m sorry, Dad…” you choked out, quietly, a desperate attempt to ease your guilt. Chest heaving, you sunk back into your pillow, trying to stifle your sorrow.

I’m sorry.

——————————————

The sound of the door bell ringing jolted you awake. Your eyes searched the room, groggily, mind blanking for a moment, until you remembered.

May.Fighting with Peter. Dad’s message. Crying. 

You didn’t know when you fell asleep, or how. You had been crying, and crying, and then boom, you were now awake. Your head pounded, your eyes were dry, and you were sure you probably looked terrible. Grabbing your phone, you saw the time. 9:30. Who the hell would be so desperate to be at your door this early? Then below it, you saw a number of notifications.

MAY - MISSED CALL (4)

MAY: Please pick up

MAY: Did you get home?

And a few more like that. But nothing from Peter. As expected. You didn’t know why you thought anything would’ve changed – in fact, it was probably worse now. Even after all he said, there was still a small part of you that missed him. Just a bit. You missed your best friend, and being able to confide in someone who understood, someone you thought was like you. But after yesterday, it became clear that the two of you were no longer compatible. Time had changed you, and it was time to accept the fact that that chapter of your life was over for good. But there was still some presence of hope within you, as much as you wished there wasn’t.

The bell rang again, and you rolled your eyes, reluctantly crawling out of bed and stumbling down to the front door. For a second, you contemplated not opening the door, but curiosity got the better of you. Without checking, you unlocked the door, swinging it open, and you suddenly wished you had looked before. The stocky man stood in front of you, wearing an unreadable expression, which wasn’t good. You were unsure of what to expect.

You sighed, stepping back to let him in. “If you’re here to lecture me, Happy, I don’t wanna hear it.” 

“Hello to you too.” He walked into the living room, plopping down onto one of the arm chairs. You sat on the couch, laying your head back, preparing for whatever he wanted to say. “May called. She was worried about you, so I came to check on you.”

“What else did she tell you?” You knew that wasn’t the only reason.

Happy’s face contorted slightly into one of discomfort. “She, uh, told me you and Peter had a…disagreement, of sorts.”

You snorted. “Yeah, disagreement, sure. Come on, Happy, I know she told you I punched him. Stop beating around the bush and say what you really came here to.”

He paused, sitting up to look straight at you, and he looked…worried. “Why? What happened between you guys? I thought everything was fine.”

You bit your nail. “I don't know.” Your voice was small, unsteady. “I don’t know why, but things have changed, okay? And I was just so angry yesterday and got ahead of myself. But I’m not sorry I did it. I’m glad I got it out, and I’m glad I can see clearly now and that I’m not deluding myself into believing in something that’s no longer there.”

“What did he say?”

“It doesn’t matter, Happy. I was just mad that he was right, I guess.”

“Was it about Tony?”

You glanced upwards, narrowing your eyes. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does, Y/N!” His voice echoed slightly, and it surprised you. Happy was never one to raise his voice at you. “Over these past few months, I’ve seen you spiral out of control. Look, I know you’re hurting, but this isn’t what he would want, okay? He did everything to bring you back–”

“I never asked him to do that!” His message came back to mind. For you, Y/N. “I never asked him to bring me back. I would much rather that he be here instead of me. I know he did everything! I know. I just wish that he didn’t. He…he deserves to be here.” Your words sat in the air, expanding the tension present in the room.

Happy looked down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers, before he got up, moving to sit on the couch next to you. You shifted away. He looked out the window.

“I miss him too.” He whispered, glancing back at you. You couldn’t make eye contact, fearing you’d have another breakdown, and you didn’t want him to have to witness that. “You don’t have to tell me what happened between the two of you. But I’ll be here if you want to. I’m not gonna say I understand – I don’t, but I know you and Peter. You’ll work it out eventually, I’m sure.”

If only he knew how wrong he was. He didn’t know what had happened the past few months, or what had happened yesterday. He didn’t know how numb you had become, how you gave up on that relationship. But you didn’t have the heart to tell him. You just nodded your head a bit, before picking at your nails. Happy patted your shoulder, before getting up. 

“I have to do some things, but call me if you need anything.”

Yeah, right. 

And with that, he shut the door behind him, leaving you alone in the silent house, only your mind for comfort. You shook your head, heading to the bathroom to splash your face with cold water. It brought some energy into you. You were exhausted, even after having slept for almost 10 hours. It was the most you had slept all month, but you still felt more tired than usual. It was just something you’d have to get used to.

Leaving the bathroom, you made your way to the stairs to go back to bed, but stopped. A door caught your eye, one that you never dared to open before. The basement, where Tony’s lab lay. You’d never gone down there – the lab you had gone to was in Stark Tower, your home before the blip. But he had downsized. And you never had the courage to venture down there, afraid of what you’d find. Pepper never went down there, either – she couldn’t face it. But you felt it was time – what was one more thing? You’d already confronted much more in the past 24 hours than you had in the past few months. 

It took some pulling, but the door eventually creaked open, and you placed one foot on the stairs, trying to will yourself down them. One foot in front of the other, until you reached the end. It was dark, and you felt around for the switch, but the room already lit up, sensing your presence. It wasn’t too large – just an adequate size, one that satisfied your dad’s needs. And there wasn’t much in it, either. A few unfinished works lay scattered amongst the tables, a couple of computers and tech, but that was pretty much it. It was strange – you were used to the extravagance, but it seemed Tony had given it up. Shelves full of tools and boxes lined the walls, many of them dusty and some unopened, which was expected considering that he said himself he hadn’t even used it for years. 

You walked through the room, admiring the last remnants of your father, reminiscing. So many hours you had spent with him developing new technologies, or working on his suit, or just something. You’d do anything to get those moments back, to get new ones. When was the last time you’d gone into a lab? You couldn’t even remember. The time since the blip felt like years, days going by slower than ever before.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you noticed something…strange. Behind one of the shelves, there was a small uneven patch in the wall, like a button, almost unrecognizable, but you had seen something like it back in the old lab. Tony used them to hide things, usually something he didn’t want to fall into the wrong hands. But why would one be here, in your basement? What did he have that he had to keep locked behind a wall? You assumed it was probably just something he didn’t want Morgan to stumble upon by accident, but you still wanted to make sure. Without a second thought, you reached out and pressed the button, and for a moment, nothing happened, and you began to think it was just a mishap during building.

Then the wall in front of you opened, revealing a small room lined with…more boxes. There was no mystery here. Just extra storage. Great. You shouldn’t have expected anything else, really. Tony really had given it all up. Still, you walked into the room, rummaging through some of the boxes, looking for anything familiar. It was all just mostly tools, some half-made inventions that were scrapped, things like that. While searching, your foot accidentally knocked over one of the boxes on the floor, spewing its contents everywhere. You groaned, kneeling down to clean up the mess in case Pepper really did come down there, not wanting to make her any more angry. 

But as you put the things back in the box, one item stuck out. It didn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the box's contents, which were all mostly scraps. This item seemed off. It was a small, sealed glass container, which was already strange by itself. There was no opening. And the weirdest part was that inside, there was some kind of black…liquid? But it didn’t seem all too fluid, more slime like, really. 

Maybe it's a chemical? But why would it just be in some box? And what chemical looks like this? It didn’t add up – your dad was more into tech than chemistry. You picked up the object, examining it, trying to decipher what it was to avail. You were stumped. But if you didn’t know, there was someone who could. Walking out of the room, you ventured into the main area, sitting down at one of the computers, tapping a few buttons, until it spoke.

“Good morning, Miss Stark. How may I assist you?” The robotic voice spoke, booming into the lab. 

“Friday, can you tell me what this is?” You held it to the scanner, allowing the computer to process it.

“I am sorry, but I am not quite sure what it is. It is hard to tell through its encasing. I haven’t seen anything like it.”

Huh.

-

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[perksoftime]

Hi hi! Not a question but I love your work and read it lighting fast and can’t wait for another chapter I’m dying. New favorite fic for real! I’m hooked and need my next dose 😩

guys trust I’ll try to get another chapter out soon school just keeps cooking me 😰😰

[perksoftime]

Found your work, binged it, had big emotions, thought about it for a while, AND WILL READ FOR THE SECOND TIME CAUSE IT'S JUST TOO GOOD.

I've never been really good when it comes to speaking analytically (?) about works (or any book for that matter) other than saying it's good, BUT REALLY, I LOVE IT.

the way you write reader and what she is thinking and going through,,, it's so real?? idk how to explain it!!

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK🫶🏼

omg this is so sweet 😭😭 I didn’t really think anyone would like my work lowk but this js gives me so much motivation. I’m gonna try to upload every weekend hopefully if life doesn’t get too crazy! I really appreciate this message 🙏

[perksoftime]

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙉’𝙏 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 5

warnings: ANGST, fighting, cussing, peters mean, but so is reader lowk

The week passed without any sort of incidents – after the bridge, and Pepper’s increasing questions about your hand that you couldn’t answer, you decided to lay low, to try to blend in. So you went to school, tried to listen in your classes, and came straight home to simply lay in bed and stare at the grey walls of your bedroom. You weren’t even thinking…just staring, mind as empty as a void. The device on your desk kept on beckoning, calling you to watch. But you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t face your father, knowing what you had become.

He’d be disappointed. Just like everyone else.

——————————————

Friday. Just one more day and it would be the weekend, and you could be free – for two days, at least. A small reprieve from your suffering. 

You still hadn’t talked to Peter. After that first day, you didn’t even look at him, deciding that if he wasn’t going to try, then neither were you. You were done. There was nothing left for you to give, to try. Every last drop of you had shriveled up, only a husk of who you used to be remaining. 

At lunch, you would hide away in the library, absentmindedly reading whatever book your eyes sought out first. It was always empty, which granted you a small amount of peace. Until today. As your eyes grazed over the pages, not really retaining anything, you heard the chair in front of you move, and someone sat down. Annoyance filled you, since the whole library was empty, and they could’ve sat literally anywhere else but here. 

Curiosity overtook you, and you slightly lifted your gaze upwards, trying to see who it was. You recognized her. She sat in front of you in English, and was extremely well-spoken when she did speak. Her hair was tied back messily into an updo, and she was staring back at you. No point in hiding it now. Slowly, you put down the book, and raised a brow. Why would she be sitting here? 

“Hey.” She spoke, as if she knew you. “You’re Y/N, right? First block English?”

“…Yeah?” Why was she making small talk? Nobody had tried to talk to you the whole week, which made you glad. You didn’t want to explain yourself to anyone. 

“I’m MJ.”

“Uh…okay?” Wanting her to leave you alone, you looked back down at your book, trying to appear uninterested in ongoing “conversation”.

“Why are you sitting here?” The girl — MJ, questioned. “Cafs’ on the other side of school.”

You closed the book. “Could ask you the same thing. Don’t you have friends?”

“Don’t you?”

“Just got here. And I don’t really do friends.” Take the hint.

She shrugged, a smirk tugging on her lips. “Well, maybe I don’t either.”

For some reason, your urgency to get away seemed to vanish, if only a little. For some reason, this girl wanted to talk to you. And you didn’t stop her. The two of you continued a light banter, and she didn’t press you for answers. She didn’t ask why you suddenly transferred, or why you were uninterested in making friends. She didn’t even mention your dad – that was a first. It felt like every conversation you’d recently had was about him. She treated you like a regular person, something that was rare to experience nowadays. 

Something was different about her. She never asked about the very noticeable purple blooming on your hand, or why you barely cracked a smile at her jokes. And you found that you didn’t mind her presence.

——————————————

Pepper was gone. For the weekend, at least. Apparently, there were some issues at headquarters or something, and she went to go check it out, bringing Morgan with her. You doubted she trusted you to take care of her, which was probably for the best. You’d only mess her up. Just like yourself.

That's how you found yourself in some random grocery store, trying to decide what you wanted to cook for dinner. You’d deliberately gone to one further away from your home to kill time, but there was no point. Nothing sounded good to you – your appetite was almost nonexistent these days. There was always some kind of nausea looming over you. You also just found no comfort in eating anymore. 

You were about to call it quits, deciding to just eat some random food in your pantry, when you heard someone shout your name from the other end of the aisle.

“Y/N!” May. She waved, rushing over to you, basket in hand, and almost suffocated you with her arms. 

“Hey–May, I c-cant breathe.” You stifled out, and May loosened her grip, though it took her another moment before she fully let go.

“Oh, I haven’t seen you in so long…You never pick up my calls anymore.” She sounded sad, and you really did feel horrible, you just didn’t know how to tell her why you pulled away. You weren’t even sure what Peter told her. 

“I-I know. I’ve just been kinda busy. Y’know. School. And stuff.” You could tell she wasn’t fully buying your excuses, but she didn’t press. You were grateful for that. May ran her hands down your arms, and you wondered if she could feel your stiffness, the coldness of your body under your zip-up. It was only October, but you were already freezing, something that began ever since you came back. A lot of things had changed since then. Oftentimes you found yourself forgetting how things used to be, how you used to be. It was getting harder to remember, and it seemed like maybe this was all your life ever was. A faded memory lost in your mind. 

All of a sudden, May’s eyes began to light up, and you knew she was concocting some idea, one that you probably weren’t going to like.

“You should come over for dinner!” She beamed, shaking her basket. “I’m cooking. It’ll be nice to catch up.” You hoped your distaste wasn’t visible on your face. It’s not that you didn’t want to spend time with May, you just knew who else would be there. And judging by your (lack of) interactions at school, it would just be plain awkward. 

“I don’t know, May…I should probably get ho-” She cut you off, face growing stern. It didn’t look like she was giving you a choice.

“Happy told me Pepper’s out of the city. No more excuses – you’re coming.” Her features softened. “Please?” 

You couldn’t say no to that. Sighing, you reluctantly agreed, not wanting to destroy another relationship – you didn’t have many left. She smiled at you, one that made it feel like everything would be okay, even though you knew it wasn’t. Quickly paying, May led you out of the store, and you silently prayed that he wouldn’t be there, that maybe he’d get caught up doing something, or get stuck in patrol, or anything, just so the two of you wouldn’t meet. It was one thing to go to the same school, but to be in his apartment with his aunt? You didn’t know if you’d be able to maintain your composure, to pretend like everything was okay between the two of you. Maybe that's why May was so insistent – perhaps she could tell something was off, that something had cracked and shattered in your relationship. But what she didn’t realize was that whatever had happened, it was beyond repair. You doubted that anything could fix this mess you found yourself in.

——————————————

“Alright!” May exclaimed as she shut the oven door. The cooking process was tedious – you’d forgotten how terrible May was at cooking. You would’ve been done a while ago if it hadn’t been for the amount of times you had to redirect her and stop her from adding too much of the ingredients. And it would’ve been okay, except that there was now a giant mess sprawled across the counters. May grimaced at the sight. “Uh, maybe we should’ve ordered in…” 

Just slightly, you chuckled. Being with May did make you feel a bit better, so maybe she was right to insist. The cooking helped clear your mind, at least. 

Peter hadn’t appeared yet either, and you were beginning to assume he wasn’t going to come at all. May didn’t mention anything about it either. It was as if she was walking on eggshells around you, like one wrong move could send you flying. Which, it probably would. Even the smallest things irked you nowadays. It’s not like you wanted them to. You just found that with each passing day, it became harder and harder to hide your feelings and control your emotions. The switch was broken, leaving you hypersensitive to everything around you, like something was out for your blood. 

The two of you began to wipe the counters, trying to fix the chaos that erupted. You were a good team, working in sync, and soon the kitchen was almost spotless, maybe better than it had been before. There was one stain on the counter that wouldn’t budge, and as you put all your strength into getting it out, you heard May speak up from beside you. 

“Can I ask you something, Y/N?” She sounded weary, like she was uncertain, and you sensed that the oncoming question wouldn’t be one you liked.

“Sure. You can ask me anything, May.” Could she, though? You continued to scrub at the counter, not wanting to look her in the eye, because if you did, every wall you put up would come tumbling down. You couldn’t do that to her.

Her voice was quiet, a contrast to her normally loud tone. “Look, I don’t mean for this to come off the wrong way, and maybe I’m just reading into things too much…but did something happen between you and Peter?” And there it was. You stopped scrubbing, the rag shriveling under your squeezing hand. “You don’t come over anymore, or pick up my calls, and Peter doesn’t mention you either. And I tried to ask him about it, but he just keeps avoiding the question and gets a weird look on his face.”

Gulping, your eyes shut, and you rubbed your face as if that would give you some kind of answer. You weren’t sure what to even say – you didn’t know what had fully happened yourself. It wasn’t something gradual. It was sudden, like a snap. One second, Peter was with you and the next, he was nowhere to be found. There were no warning signs, just an immediate response, an outcome you never could’ve imagined.

Tell her. Exhaling, you braced yourself to finally face the truth, to tell someone what you had tried to deny for so long. Just as you opened your mouth, the words about to escape and will themself into creation, the jingling of keys caught your attention, and your heart sank.

Shit. Panicking, you tried, and failed, to see any way out of this situation. This was a bad idea – you never should’ve come here, or even left your house. You should’ve stood your ground and not succumbed to May’s invite. It was naive to think that he wouldn’t be here, in his own house. 

May’s head perked up at the sound, and she gave you an apologetic look. You’d have to answer her another time. But you think she already knew what you were going to say. 

“May, you home?” Peter called out, and once he rounded the corner, he stopped dead in his tracks, not expecting you to be here. Confused, he glanced towards May, who only smiled and put her hands on your shoulders, keeping you from running away.

“Look who I found! Thought we could all have dinner together. Just like old times.” You could tell May was trying to keep things civil, but you weren’t sure how long you’d be able to last. Peter winced, but quickly covered it up with a small, fake smile. From the way he avoided looking at you, he was probably wondering what you told May. There was a small bruise on his face, indicating he had just come back from patrol, and you had a feeling that he wished he didn’t leave early. The silence that engulfed the room pressed in on all of you, daring someone to speak. A ding rang out, signaling that the food was done. 

“Who's hungry?”

This was going to suck.

——————————————

You pushed around the food on your plate, your small appetite from before having completely disappeared. If you ate anything, you felt you would throw it all up in an instant. The three of you sat silently, the scraping of forks being the only sound present. You kept your head down, not wanting to make eye contact with either of them, especially Peter. The anger you felt only continued to grow – you had lied before. You did care. A lot. It made you feel stupid to care so much about someone who couldn’t even look you in the eye. 

“What happened to your hand?” 

“Huh?” Dazed, you lifted your eyes and saw May looking down at your hand. Shoot. You had forgotten to hide it like before. “I fell.” It was a terrible lie, and she knew it.

“You fell?”

“Yep.” She wasn’t going to get anything out of you.

“That looks pretty bad…I don’t think you can get a bruise like that from falling. What do you think, Peter?” For the first time all evening, he glanced at you. He knew you were lying—he’d gotten enough bruises from his night job to know that falling doesn’t create a bruise pattern like that. 

“She probably got into another fight.” He mumbled mockingly under his breath, so that only you could hear. Of course Happy had to open his mouth and spill everything about you. 

“What was that?” May leaned in, unaware of what he had said. Your eyes met, and he shook his head slightly, a smirk dancing on his face. 

“Nothing.” Under the table, you pinched yourself, not wanting to cause a scene. Keep it together. It’s almost over.

But when you peered back over to Peter, and saw no remorse on his face, you were done. Fork clattering against the plate, you let out a small, bitter laugh, running your hands through your already messy hair. Quickly, you stood up, the chair almost falling behind you, and you didn’t bother to push it in.

“Thanks for dinner, May, but I gotta go.” 

“You barely ate. Come on, sit back down.” She motioned to the chair, trying to keep everything from falling apart, but you were done with this crap.

“I'm sorry…I just can’t, okay? I’m not gonna keep pretending like nothing is wrong. Whatever you think happened between us, May,” You motioned towards Peter, “it's probably close enough to the truth. Please, don’t try calling. I won’t answer.” The dejected look on her face made you want to cry, but you held it together, because if you started, you don’t know if you’d be able to stop. 

Before she could say anything else, or even stop you from leaving, you bolted out the door, trying to get out of this godforsaken building, and this horrible night, and all of your actions. Down the stairs and out the door, the cold wind welcomed you, and you could finally breathe for a split second. Your feet moved fast, but as you left the building, a voice called out to you, one that made your blood boil and your heart harden. 

“Y/N, wait!” Peter ran out from behind you. Through all your chaos, you hadn’t realized he was following you. You were sick of trying to understand whatever was going through his mind, and you were done holding back.

“What, Peter? What could you possibly have to say to me now, after all this time?” You shouted, begging for an answer. But all he did was stare at you, his face holding an unreadable expression.

Looking up at the sky, you tried to hold back your tears, a scoff escaping your throat. “I can’t believe you, Peter. Even now, you're not even trying!”

Silence.

“My dad died.” You whispered, your voice barely audible. “And I needed you. I called, texted–I came to your apartment, and all you did was ignore me, and pretend like I didn’t exist for months. Guess he didn’t mean that much to you after all.” 

“That’s not fair.” Finally, he spoke, though a part of you wished he hadn’t. You made eye contact, daring him to continue. “You don’t get to make me the villain, alright? You weren’t there. I saw him die with my own eyes. I watched him take his last breath right in front of me, and I couldn’t do anything to save him. So you do not get to tell me how to feel, Y/N.”

“Stop acting like the victim! You think you’re in pain? How do you think I feel? He was all I had! You knew him what, 3 years? I knew him for thirteen! I can’t sleep, or eat, or even function anymore. Ever since we came back, I’ve been barely surviving. And you couldn’t even be bothered to just check up on me. I don’t understand, Peter. What changed?” Exasperated, you got closer to him, just wanting some sort of closure, some kind of explanation. 

He turned his head away from you. 

“Everytime I look at you, I see him. I see the colour fade from his face, I see the life leaving him, I see his cold body laying against the ship with his eyes wide and stuck.” He sighed, rubbing his face. 

“That’s it? Your only reason is that you're in pain? That's such bullshit.”

When he looked back at you, you saw his demeanour change. His eyes darkened, and he looked like someone you no longer knew.

“I don’t owe you anything, Y/N. Things change. I’ve changed-“

“You think I haven’t? Look around you – everything is different. But that doesn’t mean that we should just forget everything about who we used to be. Maybe you’re right. I wasn’t there. But you do not get to act like you're worse off than me. You don’t understand what it’s like.” You pointed a finger at him. 

“I don’t understand? Are you forgetting that I lost my parents too? And Ben? Get in line, Y/N. You’re not special, so stop acting like a bitch about everything. Happy told me what you’ve been doing. You think that’s what Tony would want?”

Your eyes widened. “Shut up, Peter. Don’t act like you know everything about him. If he were here, he’d be disappointed in you.”

“Yeah? At least I’m doing something—I’m not being a burden to everyone around me. You think Pepper wants to take care of you? She already has a kid. She doesn’t need you.” 

Shocked, you gaped at him. You never would’ve thought that he would ever say such things to you. 

“You’re right. You did change. You got mean, and bitter, and I don’t know how I ever loved someone like you. I wish you never got bit by that goddamn spider, I wish my dad never met you – I wish I never met you. And I wish I never had feelings for you, because maybe then everything would hurt less and I could move on with my life and forget that we ever happened. I regret everything.” 

You knew that hit a chord, because he didn’t say anything after that. He just kept looking at you with those eyes, colder and darker than you remembered. 

You thought it was over. Everything you had wanted to say for months had finally come out, and you had nothing left to give him. One last time, you looked him up and down, and turned your back to go home. 

“I can’t believe Tony died for you.” 

Stopping, you slowly faced him again, unsure if you had heard him right. 

“What did you say?” 

He looked more confident now, stepping closer to you. 

“I said,” he repeated. “I can’t believe he died for this. For you. It wasn’t worth it. You weren’t worth it. He should be here instead. At least he had something of valu–”

Maybe if you weren’t so sleep deprived, and maybe if you weren’t so pissed out of your mind, you would have responded differently. But you didn’t. 

You felt your fist connect with his face before you could even register what you were doing. All those months of anger had finally caught up to you, bursting out at the seams. You weren’t strong by any means, but you put all you had into that hit. He stumbled back, surprised at your reaction. You didn’t even know you had that in you. 

Of course, May picked that exact moment to come out, and witnessed the aftermath of your fight. From her perspective, it probably looked bad. You admit it was a lapse in judgement, but you didn’t care anymore. She could think whatever she wanted about you. It didn’t matter. 

“Fuck you, Peter. I’m done – we’re done. For good. I never want to talk to you ever again. You’re not the same guy you were before the blip. I don’t know what the hell happened to you, and I don’t want to find out.” Slowly, you backed away, but not before saying one final sentence. 

“I hate you.”

-

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[perksoftime]

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙉’𝙏 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 4

a/n: bit of a longer chapter here! next one should be up this weekend hopefully

warnings: self-harm

“I cannot believe you, Y/N!” Tony scoffed, pacing the length of your room. You were really in for it this time. You knew better — you did, but you didn’t think it would cause your dad to react this way. At most you were expecting him to ground you maybe, or just a small lecture. But the expression on his face was something you’d never seen directed at you before. It made you want to shrink, to become as small as possible. 

Tony stopped abruptly in front of you, and inhaled deeply, as if to calm himself. But you didn’t think it was working. He just kept getting angrier by the minute. And when he finally faced you, his eyes bore into yours, as if he was condemning you for every mistake you had ever done.

“When have I ever stopped you from doing anything? I have almost no rules for you— I let you go out as much as you like, you can literally hang out with Peter every hour of the day, you go to parties… All I asked of you was one thing, one simple, small thing and you couldn’t even do that.”

Okay, you knew you messed up, but he didn’t have to keep rubbing salt in the wound. Now you felt he was just being absurd.

“Oh come on, dad! It was a party — of course I was going to have a drink or two!” You protested. “It’s like a right of passage. I can’t go through life without drinking every once in a while. And who are you to stop me? I’ve seen the articles, the videos. You drank more than anyone.”

The room went silent, and you regretted even saying it. It was a sensitive topic for you dad, you knew that. He almost never talked about his past with you… who he had been. 

Tony looked at you, exasperated, and just shook his head

“I thought you’d be better than me.”

And he left your room.

——————————————

Guilt chided you as you lay in bed, scrolling on your phone. You shouldn’t have said that to him. All he ever wanted was the best for you, and you just kept on disappointing him. You wished you could be better, be who he wanted you to be. But for some reason you always messed everything up. Rubbing your eyes, you felt a headache coming on, courtesy of your, albeit light, drinking. 

You were about to get up, to go and apologize to your dad, when your door opened. Turning your head, you saw Tony enter, and take a seat on your desk chair. Sitting up, you faced him.

He was quiet for a bit, as if he was thinking of how to say what was on his mind. Absentmindedly, he rapped his finger against the armrest, only adding to the tension.You were about to open your mouth to say something, to fix things, when he finally spoke.

“My father, he…he never told me he loved me. Actually, for the longest time I didn’t even think he liked me. He always had this sort of contempt for me, I guess. Still not too sure, and I doubt I ever will be.” Tony spoke, his voice quieter than before. You didn’t remember Tony ever talking about his parents – the most he ever said was that they died. You knew next to nothing about them, except for anything you’d found online. It was strange that he brought his dad up now, but you remained silent, fidgeting with your hands as you listened, unsure of the message he was trying to imply.

“He was always working. And when he wasn’t working, he was drinking. A lot. One of the first memories I have of him is with a beer in his hand.” He laughed, a bitter, cold one that was full of disdain… and maybe regret? “I never wanted to be like him. He never thought I would amount to anything, and honestly? I believed him. And when he died, leaving me in charge of all of…this,” he waved his hands around, “I thought that I was becoming just another version of him. And I hated that idea. I…I wanted to be my own person. But I didn’t know how. So, I distracted myself, going to lavish parties and drinking and drinking and drinking…so much so that I barely remember any of my twenties. I tried so hard to escape him that I just ended up going in circles. Eventually, you know, I got my shit together and whatnot. But it took me a long time to fix my mistakes, to come to terms with what I was. And then you came into my life, and I promised I would be better, and that I wouldn’t mess you up like I had been.” He met your gaze, and he wasn’t angry anymore. “I just don’t want you to fall into the same traps as me.”

Now you realized why he had been so mad. All he wanted was to protect you, to keep you from making the same mistakes. To be better. 

“I’m sorry…I didn’t know that. I-I promise I’ll never do it again.”

——————————————

Sometimes, right after you wake up, and only for a split, miniscule second, your mind is blank, and you’re able to believe that everything is okay. For that small moment, the things that plague your mind have yet to appear, and you wonder why there's a pit in your stomach.

Then you remember, and everything comes crashing back. And you wish you could erase your mind, to start over.

Today was one of those days. You awoke, and you didn’t even realize what day it was. You grabbed your phone, and your heart sunk.

It was Monday. You were starting at Midtown. Peter’s school. Silently, you prayed that you would not see him, but you knew it was futile. He would be there, and you would have to face him, and everyone else. It was one thing to randomly transfer, but one month into the semester? People would definitely have questions. And you did not want to answer them. You didn’t want to face the situation you had dug yourself into. But what choice did you have? You tried to rally Pepper all weekend, but she would not budge, no matter how much you begged. Maybe she wanted to torture you.

You took your time in the shower, letting the scalding water burn your skin, a penance for your actions. You let the steam envelope you, sink deep into your lungs and your mind, and cover the entire bathroom. For the first time in a while, you put some effort into how you looked, braiding your hair and attempting to cover your dark circles with some makeup. Looking in the mirror, you saw just how awful you looked. Your eyes seemed sunken in, and your face was pale, devoid of any warmth. And no amount of makeup could fix that. But you still tried. 

Just as you were finishing up, Pepper poked her head inside, and your eye twitched at the lack of a knock. However you said nothing, not wanting to cause another fight.

“You almost ready? The cars waiting outside.”

You nodded. “Yeah, let me just get my bag.” As you stood up, Pepper’s gaze fell to your desk, and you followed it to the small device sitting in the corner.

She sighed, something that you were being used to. “Come on Y/N. You still haven’t watched it? It's been months. Tony left it just for you.”

Reaching down, you picked up your bag, not bothering to dignify her question with a response. You wanted to watch it, you just couldn’t bring yourself to. So it sat on your desk, awaiting to be played. Grumbling, you pushed past her and down the stairs, slipping on your shoes before joining Morgan in the car.

——————————————

Your head was going to explode.

For most of the ride to school, Morgan was going on and on about her classmates, friends and whatever the hell was on her mind. You didn’t even know kids could have that many thoughts. You had just wanted some peace and quiet, but every time you thought she was finished, she started a new topic.

“...And today, me and Sara and gonna–”

“That’s nice, Morgan,” you cut her off. Feeling bad, you added, “Could you tell me the rest at dinner? I kinda have a headache.”

She nodded, and looked out the window at the streets passing by. You sighed in relief

Quiet.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Morgan asked suddenly. Confused, you looked down at her, wondering what she was on about.

“Yeah…? Why?”

“Nothin’. It’s just…” She had this look on her face, as if she didn’t know if she should say the next words. She did anyway. “Daddy used to say that you were one of the happiest people he knew. Every picture I saw, you always smiled and laughed. But I don’t see you do that now.”

Oh. You hadn’t expected her to say that. And frankly, you didn’t have an answer for her. You tried to be happy sometimes, but you just didn’t have anything to smile about. It felt strange to even do so, foreign, even. When was the last time you genuinely laughed? Was it before everything went to shit? You couldn’t even remember. Honestly, the past few months had all been a blur, a smudge in your mind. To you, nothing really mattered anymore. 

What was the point of it all?

Shaking your head, you tried not to dwell on it. Your thoughts could be a prison if you spent too much time with them.

“I’m fine Morgan.” You tapped on the divider. “Let me out here. I can just walk the rest of the way.” Quickly, you jumped out onto the sidewalk and hurried away.

Running. Just like you always do. What would Tony say?

“I don’t know.” You whispered quietly to yourself, as the brick school finally came into view. Students were walking all about, talking with their friends…smiling. Pulling out your phone, you opened up your new schedule, courtesy of Happy.

First period English with Mrs. Langley. Great. 

You used to hate going to school. But, eventually, it had gotten better. You were able to make some friends, and you began to no longer dread Mondays.

Now? You had come full circle, back to where you’d started. Alone in a foreign place. Though you’d dated Peter for three years, this was the first time you would be going to his school. There was never really a need to before. Your old school had been on the other side of town, so the two of you just used to meet in the middle, or at either your home or his apartment. There was this deli by his building, and you would sit on his roof, eating sandwiches and talking about whatever. It hit you that you hadn’t had a real conversation with anyone in months. The only people you “talked” to were Pepper and Morgan, and even that was slim. 

As you headed for the doors, you kept your head low, not wanting anyone to notice you. Even though Tony kept you away from the press, you weren’t going to risk it. You’d had enough of questions and pity. You just wanted to be left alone, graduate and never look back. Where you would go, you were unsure of, but you knew you could no longer stay in New York.

Anywhere but here. This bustling city, the one you once loved, now seemed empty and idle…or maybe it was just you. Maybe you were destined to remain stuck and desolate, never being able to find any sort of path or direction out of your misery. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to get better, to change – you just found it hard to even try. Time and time again, you wondered what was the point of it all. Disappointment followed you everywhere - it was all you could do. Pepper would never say it, but you knew you were a burden to her - to everyone, really. Were they all just tolerating you? One more mistake, one more mess-up, and you would be cast aside, shunned? How much longer would you be able to lie to yourself, to keep pretending that you could do this? The rope that tethered you only frayed by the minute, and anything could set you off, make you-

“Y/N?” A voice came from behind you. Your heart almost dropped, until you recognized who it was (and who it wasn’t). As you were lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t realized you wandered to your locker –8907– and that you were just standing there oddly. You turned your body, clearing your throat.

“Hey, Ned.” He had a confused expression on his face, which was expected. There was no reason you should be at his school, or even be on this side of town at quarter to nine. 

“What are you doing here? Don’t you go to Easton?”

“Not anymore.” You didn’t expand. No need for details.

“Oh. Peter didn’t mention that.”

You scoffed. You didn’t know the extent of what Peter told Ned. Probably nothing. “Why would he?” His eyebrows scrunched. You could tell that just made him more lost than before, but you didn’t care enough to clarify. The awkwardness was palpable – Ned wanted to ask more, but by the lack of expression on your face, he thought against it.  “I, uh, gotta go…I’ll see you.” No, you won’t. You turned in some direction, hoping it would lead to your class. You assumed he had nothing left to say, but as you began to leave, he said one last thing, quietly.

“Sorry, again, about your dad…” Why did he have to say that? Why couldn’t he have just kept it to himself? Sighing, you turned back around, sick and tired of hearing the same thing over and over.

“Why?” You blurted. It probably came off as rude, but you genuinely wanted to know. “You didn’t kill him. You didn’t even know him. What are you apologizing for?”

Ned looked at you, dumbfounded by your response. Maybe you were right — he didn’t really know him, but he did know you. He thought he was just being cordial. It wasn’t his fault you were messed up. 

Everybody hates you. 

You stared at him, but he didn’t have an answer for you. You weren’t even sure what you wanted him to say. Sometimes you wished you would think before speaking, use some sort of common sense before opening your stupid mouth. Not wanting to be in this situation any longer, you rushed off, silently berating yourself for what you just did. He didn’t do anything to deserve your attitude. 

You don’t know why you were like this. 

——————————————

Surprisingly, you had gone through most of the day without seeing Peter even once, which left you feeling relieved. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Wrong. 

As you walked into your last period physics class, you saw him for the first time in months. He sat in the back, and his head was down, brown hair covering his face as he was reading something off his notes. He hadn’t seen you yet. You could still walk out, leave, drop the class–

The bell rang. You were stuck.

The second thing you noticed was that there was a seating chart. And that, conveniently, you sat right behind him. 

End me now. 

Why did this always happen to you? Why could you never catch a damn break? You would’ve preferred your old school to this hell. You considered telling the teacher you wouldn’t be able to see from back there, but you decided against that, not wanting to draw any attention to yourself. Taking a deep breath, you willed yourself to move to your seat.

Don’t look don’t look don’t look–

You looked. You tried to use every muscle in your body to keep your gaze forward, but something inside you pulled them in Peter’s direction. He was already looking at you… and he didn’t seem blindsided. You assumed he didn’t know, but perhaps Happy had told him. What he knew of your circumstances, you didn’t know. Did you care? Did it matter? He knew. He knew you were coming and he didn’t even bother to ask, to reach out, to check up on you. If he didn’t care, why should you? Why be so worked up over someone who you no longer mattered to?

You wish it could be that simple, but you were never one to let things go easy. Your eyes met for a brief second, until he quickly diverted his gaze. His poker face had gotten better. But maybe he wasn’t acting. Maybe it really didn’t matter to him anymore. Why couldn’t you just move on like him – he seemed perfectly fine, so why were you dying?

You took your seat, and for the next hour your eyes burned holes into Peter’s head. You wanted answers, but you were too afraid to ask. Like always, you couldn’t face reality. 

You’re weak.

The relief you felt when the bell finally rang was insurmountable. You grabbed your bag and pushed past Peter, who still hadn’t acknowledged you, quickly darting out of the room, wanting out of this wretched school and horrible day. Checking your phone, you noticed a text from Pepper.

Driver got caught up. Take a cab?It wasn’t really a question – that was your only option. But seeing as you didn’t really want to go home and sulk, you decided to walk a bit instead. To clear your head. This time, though, you had a destination in mind. You pushed past people in the halls, not wanting to be here any longer than you had to. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ned, alongside Peter, the two seemingly discussing something important. You didn’t care enough to figure out what. Maybe he was telling Peter about what you had said this morning.

Everything isn’t about you.

——————————————

Brooklyn Bridge.

You didn’t mind the long walk. It gave you something to do, some purpose. The sun was beginning to set, and you figured you had only a few short moments before Pepper began to blow up your phone. 

The view calmed you. When you were here, nothing else seemed to matter. The cold wind would brush your face, the sounds of cars whizzing by muffling your thoughts. For a short while, you would be able to actually breathe. You could forget who you were, and all the things that were happening to you. You could pretend you were a normal person, who wasn’t being crushed by the weight of their actions, by what they had become. As you stared out at the city, you longed to be able to turn back the clock, to go back and change all the things you had done. You wished you had spent more time with your dad, and less time arguing. You wished you could go back and stop him from sacrificing himself for you – it wasn’t worth it. He should’ve been here instead of you. At least he did something for the world, changed it, left an impact. You were nobody. You’d always be in his shadow, and you knew you couldn’t live up to what he had been. 

You wished you could go back and stop yourself from meeting Peter. Maybe then things wouldn’t hurt as much. Either way, you’d still be alone. The anger you felt only grew, and before you could stop yourself, you slammed your fist down on the metal railing. Pain radiated from your hand, but you didn’t care. You wanted a distraction, however cruel it may be. You felt the bruise oncoming, but you kept on going, until it became too much to handle. Looking down, you saw your hand turning red, and tucked it inside your pocket, noticing some passerby’s coming near.

You could try, and wish all you want, but you knew you couldn’t change what had happened, or what you had done. Not everything can be taken back. And you had to live with your choices. 

-

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[perksoftime]

𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

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[perksoftime]

more chapters coming this week! the plot should start picking up after the next one. Feel free to ask me anything!

[perksoftime]

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙉’𝙏 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 3

3 months post-blip

Tension.

That was all that encompassed the room. The silence squeezed in on you, keeping you stuck in that uncomfortable chair, the wood digging into your skin. Rain pounded against the high windows of the office, only making you more unsettled. 

Tick-tock. The grandfather clock chimed, the water in the fish tank splashed, and Pepper rapped her finger against the arm of the chair next to you. She let out a deep sigh, one that you knew all too well. However, the both of you said nothing, afraid to break the dam that was already faltering. 

You knew why you were here. It was no surprise what was going to be said. In the past few months, you had gone from bad to worse, falling down an endless spiral of chaos and corruption. If someone had shown past you what you were turning into, you wouldn’t have believed it. The few “friends” you had didn’t even recognize who you had become. It was as if a switch clicked inside you, banishing who you used to be to the smallest crevices of your mind.

You sunk deeper into your chair, wanting this to be over already so you could just go to sleep. Honestly? You could care less about what he had to say. 

It wouldn’t change anything. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of anticipation, the door swung open, your headmaster taking a seat in front of the two of you. Pepper sat up, straightening her skirt, and cleared her throat. Like this was some business meeting. In your head, you rolled your eyes, not wanting to risk an even bigger lecture at home. You’d already hid so much from her.

”Good afternoon, Ms.Potts, Ms.Stark,” He began sternly. The old man’s gaze seared into you, but you just stared back, inviting the challenge. He looked away. “I called you in to discuss a very crucial matter involving Y/N and her…recent behaviour.”

You wanted to punch him. What right did he have to judge you? 

“Yes, I understand she hasn’t been the best student but-“ Pepper tried to argue, but it seemed he had already made up his mind before even entering the room, your fate sealed.

”It’s not just that. You see, our school has a very specific image, and we like our students to uphold that. And while I am sympathetic towards Y/N’s, uh, circumstances, I’m afraid I can only do so much,” He paused, reaching into his desk to pull out a file. “Since the start of the school year, she has repeatedly skipped classes, her grades have dropped significantly, and she regularly comes to school intoxicated, leading her to pick fights with her peers.”

That part was news to Pepper. She whipped her head at you, silently preparing what she was going to unleash upon you in the car.

”And while I could excuse the former details, the last one is just unacceptable. If she does not care for her wellbeing, or of her classmates, I am afraid we have no place for her in this institution.” 

Oops. You were in for it this time.

”Now, Mr.Richards, I-I’m sure we can work something out…” Pepper stammered, reaching into her purse for what you assumed was her checkbook. Richards’ put his hand up, stopping her. She wouldn’t be able to fix this.

“I am sorry, but this decision is final. However, due to the aforementioned circumstances, I am willing to strike a deal,” He proposed, eyeing the two of you. “You can quietly transfer Y/N to a different school, and I won’t put this on her record. No need for any drama.” He let his words sink in. 

Pepper sat back in her seat, defeated. She accepted that money wouldn’t save you this time. 

“Alright.” Exasperated, she had no choice but to agree. You just sat there, your eyes fixated on a painting behind the headmaster’s chair. Maybe now, Pepper would agree to let you be homeschooled. 

“Thank you for being civil, Ms.Potts. I’m sorry it had to come to this. I think it’s best if Y/N was sent to a school that fit her needs better. I just don’t think she can thrive here anymore.”

——————————————

Surprisingly, the ride home was met with silence. You stared out the window, unable to face Pepper, to face your reality.

You’re disappointing her. Like you do everyone. 

When your car finally pulled up to the quaint house that was now your home, you quickly rushed inside, running away from the rain, from your problems. Once inside, Pepper dropped her purse on the counter, slumping down into one of the chairs. She rubbed her hands over her face, and you stood there, unsure whether or not she wanted you to stay. 

She sighed and looked over at you. “Please stop making things so difficult, Y/N. I am trying my best to keep things together, and this is not helping. That was one of the best schools in the city!” She looked back down at the counter, carefully constructing her next words. You knew you could be better…you just didn’t see the point anymore. “Honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into you. Tony wouldn’t have wanted this. He wanted you to be better than him, to not make his mistakes! He spent years undoing his wrongs, and now you're putting yourself in the same position.” She walked over to you, staring expectantly.

”You don’t know what he would’ve wanted. He’s fucking dead.” You deadpanned, which was probably the wrong choice of words for this moment. You could see Pepper trying to maintain her composure, but you just made it more difficult. 

“You know I’m right, Y/N. You’re not fooling anyone.” She turned her back to you. “I texted Happy. He’s setting up your transfer. Starting Monday, you’re going to Midtown.”

You looked up, shocked. No way were you going to that school. Uh-uh.

”What? No, I can’t go there. There’s so many other schools!” You pleaded. “I can just do my classes online, I’ve already learnt all of it!” But once Pepper made up her mind, It was impossible to change it. 

“No. You’re going, and that's final. You already have some friends there—maybe Peter can knock some sense into you.”

You laughed in disbelief. Yeah, right. The same Peter who couldn’t even be bothered to return your calls, or messages, or anything. It seemed like to him, you died alongside Tony.

”You’re not my mom, Pepper. You can’t control me.” A last ditch effort. She stopped on the stairs, turning around to face you.

”You’re right. I’m not. But I’m also all you’ve got. And legally, I am your guardian. So you're going to go to that school, and you're going to graduate, and you're going to go to university. I’m not going to let you throw your life away. I promised Tony that I’d take care of you, and I am not about to pull the plug on his last request. You can hate me all you want, but I’m doing you a favour.” Continuing up the stairs, you thought that was it. But before she turned the corner, she looked back at you. 

“One day, you’ll thank me.” And then she disappeared from your view.

You scoffed. You hated this. You hated this house, this family, this goddamn city. You wanted to pack up and leave everything behind, go to a place where nobody knew who you were, or what had happened to you. 

You just wanted a fresh start. Noticing you still had your shoes on, you made a last-minute decision. Grabbing an umbrella by the door, you quickly rushed out, not bothering to inform Pepper of where you were going. You didn’t quite know either. It had become a habit for you to leave at all hours of the day and night, wandering the streets as if they would give you some sort of answer, some direction.

You hadn’t found anything yet. 

You walked past shops, hopped over fences, not bothering to look up in fear of someone recognizing you. Someone trying to “comfort” you. You hated that especially. All those people acting like they understood what you went through—what you were going through. You were sick of it. You just wanted them to stop pretending. You wanted them to be real to you, to stop the charades. 

As you walked past a stand, a headline caught your eye. You stepped forward to get a better look, your eye twitching once you realized what it said. 

SPIDER-MAN: WILL HE BE THE NEW IRON MAN? 

You picked it up, curiosity, as well as annoyance, urging you to continue. 

Spider-Man’s press conference last month has sparked many questions among the city, many wondering what will happen now? Citizens are still mourning the loss of Tony Stark, the Iron Man—

And you had read enough. You threw the newspaper back, not bothering to fix it. 

How dare they pretend to care? They didn’t even know him. They’re only worried about protecting themselves. 

Some nerve they had.

And Peter. How dare he try to take over your father’s legacy? He could never live up to it, that you knew. The anger inside of you bubbled, threatening to spill out. Hands twitching, you barely suppressed the urge to break the nearest object. You didn’t want to have to explain bloody knuckles to Pepper again. Quickly, you rushed away, not caring where you were going. You just needed to get away. Mind racing, you slipped through alleys, and in all your rage, you didn’t even realize where your feet had brought you. You tried not to come here—it only made you remember all that you lost. 

You wandered through, finally stopping at your destination. 

TONY STARK

BELOVED FATHER, HUSBAND, AND SAVIOUR

Underneath the cold, muddy ground, lay your father, six feet deep. If he were here right now, he’d tell you to get your act together. To stop stressing out Pepper. To make up with Peter. 

But he wasn’t here. He never would be. And that reality pressed on you, choking you, and you lowered your umbrella, unaffected by the rain that soaked you through and through. You probably would’ve stayed there, if it wasn’t for the footsteps that approached behind you. It was no surprise who it was. 

“How’d you know I was here?” You spoke, quiet, dejected. 

“Had a feeling. I miss him too.” He brought his umbrella over you, as if to shield you from the world. “Come on, you don’t want to worry Pepper now. And you’ll get sick in this rain.”

You knew he was right. Tiredly, you followed Happy back to the car, back to a house that your father would never step foot into again, to people he’d never see or touch. 

And as you stared out the window to the gloomy and sullen city, you wondered if it would always be like this. That no matter how much time passed, the pain would never fade. That you’d always remain haunted by the idea of what could’ve been. 

You thought about it in the shower, at the dinner table with Morgan talking about something you paid no mind to, nodding absentmindedly, unable to express how you really felt when Pepper asked if you were okay. You thought about it in your bed, sleep having escaped you since you came back. 

What’s one more sleepless night? Nothing seemed to really matter anymore. At times like this, you would’ve texted Peter. He would’ve come over, or called, or done something. But the blip seemed to have taken who he used to be with it, too. You realized that for the first time in 3 years, you didn’t know what was going on in his mind, or how his day was, or how his school year was going. You didn’t know anything about him. Was he applying to university? You both had wanted to go to MIT, but based on how things were looking for you, you doubted that you’d get in, even with the Stark legacy behind you. 

And May. She had tried calling you, and for the first few times you really did try to answer. But after showing up to Peter’s apartment one too many times, and him somehow always being out, you couldn’t bear to keep in touch with her. She was too close to him, and you just wanted to try to forget. Maybe that way, you could move on?

You wanted to understand what was going on with him, but the rejection stung too deep, wedging its way into your heart. 

If he doesn’t want to try, why should you? 

It tired you out. The confusion warped its way into anger, crafting itself into an impenetrable wall, one you no longer cared to dismantle. 

You opened your eyes, your attempt at sleep seeming futile once again. Sighing, you grabbed your phone, hoping for some kind of distraction. 

No new notifications.

Not surprising. There was no one who would even want to talk to you. You had destroyed any kind of friendship you had.

You ruin everything.

You opened Instagram, shaking the thought out of your head. And of course the first post was of Peter. It was posted by his friend, Ned. You liked him. At least he reached out. You wanted to throw your phone across the room, but some force compelled your hand to stay, your eyes to look. Swiping through the post, you realized the pair was at a party. In fact, Peter looked like he was having the time of his life, smiling like nothing had ever happened, beer in one hand, posing with a group of people you didn’t recognize. The girl next to him was pretty, more so than you. Maybe he—

You stopped that thought. Don’t think like that. It won’t do you any good. 

But it wasn’t like you owned him. Though the two of you never verbally said it, you knew it was over. You weren’t naive. You just didn’t want to accept it. 

Your breathing grew heavy. How could he be so happy when you were falling apart? It seemed like what had happened didn’t affect him like it did you. 

He doesn’t care about Tony. If he did, he wouldn’t have left you. 

Rashly, and though you probably shouldn’t have, you double tapped the picture, cementing your presence. You wanted him to know you saw it. To feel your fury, to know that he couldn’t get rid of you. 

But the pit in your stomach only grew. Nothing you did ever fixed it—it was a part of you now. Clicking off your phone, you rubbed your eyes, sitting up, and even though you knew you shouldn’t, you reached over to your drawer, pulling out your “salvation”. You wondered what your father would say if he saw you like this. His own daughter, falling into the same trap as he did. Only you didn’t think you would be able to escape. 

Your hands shook. Still, you tipped the flask back, pouring out its remains, feeling tranquillity overcome you. You smiled, all your baggage leaving your mind, a shell left in its wake. 

Finally, you could get some rest…

[perksoftime]

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙉’𝙏 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 2

3 years before the Blip

”Y/N, your father requests your presence downstairs in the lobby,” FRIDAY’s voice echoed throughout your room. You groaned, not wanting to get up from your bed, already exhausted from the whims of high school. Let’s just say—you hated it. The girls at your fancy new private school despised you, and you didn’t know why. Your dad pointed out that they might just be jealous, but you just rolled your eyes, storming up to your room to sulk. 

“Why can’t I just stay homeschooled?” You whined. “It’s not like I’m learning anything new! I can literally create technology that school can’t even begin to comprehend. My brain is gonna fry being with those stuck-ups!” But your complaints fell on silent ears. Tony wasn’t going to hear any of it.

”Listen, YlN,” He started, his voice stern. “You need to have interactions. You can’t just stay locked up in the lab all day. What you really need, are friends. Believe me—I learned that the hard way.” He saw your mouth begin to open, some retort about to come his way. “And no, I do not count a friend”. You shut your mouth, scoffing as you turned away to the elevator, grumbling about the stupidity of it all. 

Why couldn’t he just understand that you were different? People were a lost cause to you—they would only disappoint.

”He says now, Y/N.” FRIDAY repeated, an attempt to coax you out of your “misery”. Reluctantly, you rolled out of bed, not even bothering to fix yourself up. You assumed it would be some kind of half-assed attempt of Tony’s, probably some talk from Pepper about the “woes of girlhood”. You shuddered at the thought, your mind already drifting back to the conversation the two of them had with you before you started school. Let’s just say you did not want a repeat of that.

You rode down the elevator, watching as the numbers slowly counted down, until you finally reached your destination. You shuffled, dragging your feet as you made your way around the corner, spotting your dad immersed in a conversation with someone out of your line of sight. 

Just perfect. He brought Pepper. Can this day get any worse?

Begrudgingly, you made your way over to the duo, already regretting having come down here. You mentally prepared yourself for the trauma that would be thrust upon you, accepting your fate.

But as you approached the two, you realized it wasn’t Pepper that Tony was talking to. In fact, it was someone you’d never seen before. 

Standing before your father was a boy, his eyes darting around in amazement. From the second your gaze settled on him, a strange feeling overcame you. You were entranced by him. His hair was golden, curly locs shining under the light that flickered in from the windows, and if it hadn’t been for your father standing right next to you, you would’ve reached out to touch it. It looked…amazingly soft, more so than any other boys’ you had seen. He wore a blue sweatshirt with the initials of his school, you assumed, and he still had his backpack on. And his eyes, they wer—

“Y/N, are you listening to me?” Your father waved his hand in front of your face, snapping you out of your daze. 

“H-huh? Yeah, yeah I am… sorry.” He raised his brow, giving you a wary glance before turning back to the boy.

“Okay…What was I saying? Oh right—Y/N, this is Peter. He’s my new intern, remember? The one I was telling you about this morning?” You vaguely remembered Tony mentioning something about it in the car before you put in your headphones, but it hadn’t stuck with you. “Peter, this is my daughter, Y/N.” He repeated, slowly, to make sure that it was clear.

The boy—Peter, looked over at you, and by the way his eyes widened, you knew the same thoughts were running through his head. And so did your father. He glanced between the two of you, picking up on what was brewing in your minds. Running a hand over his face, he let out an exasperated sigh, before he pulled Peter away, mumbling about needing to show him around. 

“Uh-it was nice to meet you!” Peter shouted as he was dragged away by your father. As you watched them go, a smile ghosted your face, and for the first time all day, you didn’t think about your horrible first day, or the mean girls at your school. Instead, your mind danced around the idea of Peter, who intrigued you more than anyone had before. And you hadn’t even had a proper conversation with him. 

You later found out from Peter that when he was finally alone with your father, he got a stern lecture about how you were off-limits.

“Don’t get any ideas, Parker. That’s my daughter. She’s basically a female version of me, so do with that what you will.”

But no warning would’ve kept you away from him. The two of you quickly became friends, and then more, over the span of a couple months. Of course, you didn’t tell Tony. As far as he knew, the two of you were just friends. And he couldn’t complain—he had told you to make friends, and Peter was… a person. So he shut his mouth and let the two of you carry on. 

It wasn’t until he caught Peter, who accidentally fell asleep in your bed after a movie marathon, that the two of you finally came clean about your relationship. You had prepared yourself for the onset of yelling that was to come, but surprisingly, Tony didn’t seem too mad. 

“If he makes you happy, who am I to stop that? I would’ve preferred if you dated someone more…normal, but then again, you are a Stark.”  The relief you felt was unimaginable. Albeit, he did put in place some rules (courtesy of FRIDAY), but at least you didn’t have to sneak around as much. Maybe just sometimes. Peter’s powers helped with that—he could sense Tony from meters away.

For the first time in what felt like your entire life, you no longer felt like you were an anomaly, sentenced to a lifetime of loneliness. With Peter, you never felt like you were different, or too much to handle. You finally belonged somewhere.

——————————————

When you were 15, everything felt like it finally made sense, that you weren’t just floating in an abyss with no sense of direction. At 15, you thought you knew exactly where your life was headed, and with who. The puzzle was complete. 

However, you never saw the crash coming. Or the pieces scattering, lost, unable to be put back together in the way that they were.

You never thought that at 17, you’d be right back where you started. But this time, you had even less than before.

And you weren’t sure how to fix it.

[perksoftime]

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙉’𝙏 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 1

5 days. It had been 5 days since you were thrust back into the world, 5 days since everything you knew had been turned upside down…

5 days since you kneeled beside your dad’s limp, cold body, his eyes forever locked in a searching gaze that would never be fulfilled. 

How could this be? It seemed like just moments ago you were hugging him, wishing him farewell on one of his many missions. Only this time, he would never return to you. The only family you ever really had, the only person who never gave up on you—forever gone. 

You couldn’t breathe. Since the moment Tony’s lifeless body was brought back to earth, you were suffocating, with no end in sight. You never got the chance to properly tell him goodbye, to tell him that you loved him, that he was everything to you. And you would never get the chance to.

Tony Stark, your father, was never coming back to you.

Now you stood at his funeral, surrounded by people who all gave you the same pitying looks. You hated it. You wished they would disappear, that they would leave you alone to suffer, to grieve for everything you had lost. They would all move on, but you…you were sentenced to stay stuck in a world without your guide.

You couldn’t take it. Once the procession was over, you slipped behind the house, hidden, crouching behind some shrubs, a hand clasped over your mouth to drown your aching sobs. Tears wracked your being, more than they ever had before. You didn’t remember much of your mothers funeral, but the pain felt all too familiar, and the realization that they both had now left this world didn’t help your case. 

“Y/N?” Your head jolted up from the sudden interruption, stumbling back up to see May, standing with concern plastered all over her face.

You tried to maintain your composure, you really did. But you were tired of hiding, placing a facade over your true feelings. And one look at May made everything just fall apart. Basically falling into her, you cried your heart out, letting every emotion you kept in come crashing like a wave. You didn’t even know you were capable of producing this many tears. Guess you learn something new everyday.

Tony used to say that, the memories making your sobs come out harder. And May just held you, letting you break down. She knew you needed to. Bottling things up was never the solution. 

“I know, sweetheart, I know. He meant so much to you. I’m not gonna tell you it’ll be okay. I don’t know if it ever will. But know that I’m always here for you. Me and Peter.” She whispered softly into your ear. 

You stiffened at the mention of Peter. You'd barely even said a word to him since he came back, broken just like you. But it wasn’t like you had the chance to, anyways. He seemed to be…avoiding you? You weren't too sure. Maybe he needed space, but the least he could do was check up on you, right? 

You and May stayed like that for a while, your cries eventually fading to small sniffles.

The crunching of leaves startled you, your head lifting from Mays shoulder ever so slightly, focusing on the person who had just stumbled in on your embrace. 

Peter.

Quickly, so that he wouldn’t notice, you cast your gaze back to the ground, unable to face reality. 

“Uh, May, Happy said he’s bringing the car around…are you ready to go?” 

After what seemed like years, you finally heard his voice. But for some reason, you didn’t feel relieved. You felt…anxious? Unsure? He wasn't a stranger, so why did you feel this way now? It was if something inside of you knew that things had changed. You just hadn’t realized why. 

Finally, you and May pulled apart, your gaze still averted from Peters direction. You felt that if you looked at him, your heart truly would stop. Quickly wiping your face, you cast a weak smile at May, who was looking at you reluctantly. 

“It’s okay. I’ll be okay.” You breathed out, giving her permission to leave this forsaken place. Giving you one last look over, She left a chaste kiss on your forehead, and turned to face Peter. 

“Let me just say goodbye to the others, okay? I’ll meet you at the car,” May nodded at him. She headed back to the front of the house, and Peter seemed stuck in place, as if he was conflicted on what to do, until he too turned his back to you and slowly started walking away.

Something inside you bubbled. You weren’t sure what it was, but it spewed up into one small, faint word, that without his super hearing, he wouldn’t have heard. 

“Peter.” It didn’t even sound like you. It was so broken, so devoid of emotion. He stopped in his tracks, his back still facing you. That angered you. What had you done that was making him act this way? You were hurting too. He wasn’t the only one who lost someone. “I…I need you. Please.” You sounded pathetic, like an animal calling for help that would never come. “Everything’s so weird and nothing is making sense. I remember him like it was yesterday, but to him…I was gone for five years? And now all of a sudden I come back and he’s dead, and he somehow married Pepper… and I have a sister? I-it just feels like I got thrown into a life where I don’t belong anymore, and you’re the only one who could understand…” You rambled, every thought from the last few days ejecting itself into creation. 

The silence was deafening . Your gaze burned into Peter’s back, willing him—begging him to just say something to you. To tell you that he wouldn’t leave, that you could do this together. And when he turned his head ever so slightly, for a moment you thought he would come running to you. But he didn’t. He stayed where he was, ripping any last shred of hope you had to pieces. 

He slowly lowered his head, and you knew it was futile to try anything. “I’m sorry, I-I just can’t do this right now…I can’t.” He stifled out.  And with that, he walked away—leaving you.

You couldn’t believe it. Peter Parker, the boy who used to scale a skyrise tower to watch movies with you, who practically begged for your fathers blessing, who was with you through everything—or so you thought—couldn’t even offer a morsel of support? For your fathers death? You let out a laugh of disbelief as you watched his figure turn the corner. 

After all these years of being together, you never thought he would treat you this way. Especially not at a time like this. 

You leaned against the house, using it for support, as it finally dawned on you.

Nothing was ever going to be the same. 

[perksoftime]

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙉’𝙏 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆

Summary:

You’ve loved Peter since the first time you saw him, red-faced and awestruck in the middle of Stark Tower. But you never thought things would go so wrong—that you’d lose him for good.

Or,

Tony is dead, Peter is gone, and you’re all alone.

Warnings: grief, loss, angst, character death, violence

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

chapter 1

chapter 2

chapter 3

chapter 4

chapter 5

chapter 6

[perksoftime]

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

𝙋𝙀𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙆𝙀𝙍:

Things We Can’t Take Back

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧

all cross-posted on AO3