perrydowning

[perrydowning]

I thought about you today, with the big snow in New Orleans. Idk if you are still living there but if you are, I hope you enjoyed it. I think of you often, having just reread HKHNTS for the upteenth time. I hope you are doing well. We miss you dearly. Hugs.

Thank you, lovely soul. I don't know if the '76' means you are also a 1976 baby, but I'm gonna declare us twinsies, just in case.

After Mr. Downing passed, a bunch of folks descended on New Orleans to pack me up and get me back to California because they all wanted someone to be able to keep an eye on me. Most of my beloveds live on the West Coast, so it was solid logic. Four reylos were in their number, which I think says quite a bit about how people show up for each other. Trust, man.

All of that to say, I'm not living in Louisiana any longer, but oh my goodness, how wild is that snow?!

Thank you so very much for checking on me--that feels pretty amazing. I miss you, dearly, too. I hope I'll be able to finish my stories, but I just can't know.

Again, thank you.

Love, love, love,

Paige (Perry)

[perrydowning]

Hello, my dear ones--

It's been too long since I've posted (thank you for the gentle reminders). I am beyond blessed that there are whole human beings who I have never met face-to-face who are able to see me, anyway.

July 28, 2024 was the second anniversary of Mr. Downing's passing and I felt a strong pull to spread his ashes on that day, but I also felt like I was being disloyal, in a way. As if accepting he was never, ever coming back was selfish, a failing. I know that's not really true, but I think I did let it make me hide for a bit there.

I've been substitute teaching for the last two months, and there's something about working again--acknowledging in a real way that I have to build a new life, all on my own--that has been too real to write about. But writing is, I fear, who I am. So, I best stand tall.

The picture above was taken after I let my beloved's earthly remains swirl in the ocean. His best friend was with me, and he took that picture. He was really worried I'd be upset that he did, but I'm incredibly grateful. Having that moment captured is so precious, and it never could have happened if I'd known he was photographing me. Being able to see myself against the mighty Pacific, looking alone and connected, is a gift beyond measure. Thank you, A.

I'll try to write more in the next few days, but I'd like this to stand on its own, just like me.

I love you all, I miss you so.

Perry

[perrydowning]

Dear Perry

Long time without an update. I hope you are doing well. Please keep us posted.

Sending you love and hugs

Hello lovely soul. I have been overly quiet, haven't I? I've been navigating a pretty heavy stage of this whole journey--I spread Mr. Downing's ashes and am trying to focus on a future without him. I haven't quite known how to talk about it here, but maybe I should. Thank you for thinking about me and for reaching out. I needed a nudge.

Truly, thank you, beautiful Anon.

Love, rainbows, and glitter,

Perry

[perrydowning]

Hi Perry. We’re bookclubbing Lovesick today on the fic recs, and I’ve been thinking of you all week. I hope you are doing as well as can be. If you’re ever in the PAC NW, holler. ❤️

Awe, shucks. Thank you. I'm sorry for the delay in responding. 💜

There is a significant chance I will be moving to Portland, OR in the next year. It's time to put down roots again and that's where the majority of my family of origin lives. I'll keep you posted!

Take care, marvelous gem of a human!

Perry

[perrydowning]

My good friend and marvelous human, Mike, is trying to ease his brother's last months with his family. If you are able to help, that would be lovely--reblogging would be fantastic as well. Thank you for reading, friends.

Love to my tremendous Reylo family,

Perry

💜🌈💜

[perrydowning]

Thank YOU so much for the tremendous effort you put into the book club and for your unfailing kindness. You are a beautiful soul.

💜🌈💜

I want to thank @perrydowning for her gracious participation at the RFR Book Club. Thank you so much Perry, and we love you! 💜💜💜

[perrydowning]

sweet Perry,

i’ve only just stumbled upon “Unbidden” and have been consuming it rapidly. reynolds’s is a ship i feel so passionately about and i love their love, and wish they got better from those who wrote them officially—your fics restore that piece in my heart that yearns for a happy ending for them.

reading your authors notes about mr. downing are always such highlights of reading your chapters. i always end a chapter thinking, “wow. what an incredible love they have. he loves her so, so much.” while reading about your move and shift to writing full-time, i got curious about you as a person and scoped out your profile on AO3 and found out about your deeply tragic loss. i am so, so sorry. i know it’s been almost 2 years, and perhaps you’re tired of hearing “i’m so sorry” from strangers online, but my heart broke at the news of his death.

after doing a deep dive on your tumblr, i saw that your faith is in humanity. i am a devoted Christian, and i want you to know that i will be praying for your heart daily. not that it would be healed, just that it would have peace. happy memories, sweet connections with friends and family, and the motivation to keep on living and trying and being even when you feel alone or lost.

i am 22 and have been with the love of my life for almost 5 years. each chapter of your fics that i finish, each story about mr. downing that follows, has left me thinking “i am so grateful to have a love like theirs.” on the complicated journey that i know you are now on as you figure out what life looks like, i hope you know that your love is continuing to inspire thousands on thousands. i hope you never stop receiving messages like mine: wishing you well, sharing our celebration that you were loved so deeply for so long, our grief that you were not given more time to be loved by him. i hope your online family and support network never stops growing, and i am always happy to join the lower ranks of that family. you are a deeply wonderful writer, wife, and human.

I think it's genuinely amazing that you took the time to tell me this, such an act of generosity and sincerity. It made me cry, in the best of ways.

That there are so many people who know of Mr. Downing, who value what he gave to me, is a source of great comfort to me. I re-read those little notes and I'm so lucky that he embraced my writing and being my Mr. Downing. He always puffed up when anyone would remark about him in the comments and I know he would be full of gratitude and awe for how this community continues to look after me.

I am just so happy you have found your person, that you know what it is to be truly loved. There's nothing else like it in the cosmos.

Thank you for folding me into your prayers, that means a great deal to me. While, as you noted, my faith is in humanity, I do pray, in my own way, and I believe there is great value in focusing our hopes in that way. Thank you.

Right now my heart feels so big, like it just keeps growing to make space for all that has been given to me. You aren't in the lower ranks of that family because you've allowed me to see you, too. There is always a place for you at my table and I used to be a pastry chef, so you know dessert will be good. 💜🌈💜

All my love and gratitude,

Perry

[perrydowning]

Hi there!

Wow, I've been a huge fan of Reylo since like the 8th movie. And if I tell you I was DEVASTATED over TROS I wouldn't be lying. Your "Powerless" fanfic was an endless light in that darkness. It's my favourite Reylo fanfic EVER. My friend, who's like a sister to me, got introduced to Star Wars by me and was mesmerized by Kylo Ren/Ben Solo in an instant. I couldn't blame her. I told her "Listen, don't care a bit about the toxic fans, if you love the sequels, love them" As for me, I love all the movies, but Rey and Ben have a special place in my heart. I won't lie, I hated Kylo in the 7th movie, but then I grew to love him so much, that I cried at the cinema when I saw his death.

I showed my friend that fanfic and she loves it the same. Please, accept my greatest gratitude for the Powerless fanfic, because it healed something inside of me which was broken to pieces by TROS. I like to imagine what kind of adventures Tara may have gotten herself into with Jesen and Kitra.

Also, I'm so sorry about Mr. Downing, I hope you and your family are doing okay.

Have a great day/night, and May the Force Be With You❤️

Oh, thank you, kind soul. I think fan fic is such an amazing art form because it allows us to take the beauty amidst flaws and craft something new and, as you say, healing. I was also devastated by TRoS as well as incandescently angry. But, the reylo fandom refused to let them take the beauty from us.

Thank you so much for your incredibly generous words about 'Powerless'. It's probably my favorite of my fics. Thank your friend, as well. It's great you get to share fandom with her.

I and my family are doing well. It's been a transformative experience and I'm full of so much gratitude for all the support I have received walking this new and alien path. Thank you for your hope for me.

Take good care of yourself, new friend.

Love,

Perry

[perrydowning]

New ship unlocked!

A big thanks to @acapelladitty who commissioned me to draw a kiss scene from her expertly written story Friction and Harmony to help out with the fundraising! You're the best, dear! ^3^🖤🤍

Lucy, The Ghoul (c) Graham Wagner and Geneva Robertson-Dworet

Art (c) FinzPhoenix

[perrydowning]

Redraw of Frank Dicksee’s “La Belle Dame Sans Merci” as a reylo fantasy AU

[perrydowning]

[perrydowning]

My Reylo doodles(79/?)  

Happy May 4th!!

May the Force literally be with y’all…! (In the scary dog privilege style)

[perrydowning]

“And suddenly she became his universe and every star in it”

[perrydowning]

May the 4th be with you! Just a quick sign of life from me. I remembered good old times and our speculations about 'one TIE, one seat' and felt nostalgic. Reylo forever! (as for my story, I know I know, it's been a long time, but I will continue it, I promise)

[perrydowning]

Haven't been active on tumblr in forever, but I am a big fan of your Reylo works and was soooo sorry to see about Mr. Downing. I am still an avid reader on Ao3, but it isn't the same now as it was before TROS (obviously). Happened across your profile while rereading an old fic that did a new chapter after a few years and saw some of your posts here. So happy to see your journey to healing (as much as you can) and know you are trying to live your best life. Hugs!

Hey, there, kind soul!

Thank you for sending this. It always feels good to know that people still run across me/my stuff because writing fic was such a life-changing experience for me.

I also really appreciate your kind thoughts on my journey. The continued support I'm gifted from the Reylo community makes a very real difference in me finding that extra bit of oomph to keep walking forward when sometimes I'd really rather just curl up on the side of the trail.

Thank you, friend

💜🌈💜

[perrydowning]

A Path to Hope that Works for Me

We all know humanity does this thing where it has to relearn the same lesson over and over again. Just like individuals, it feels like. I've been relearning many things I thought I'd figured out in my 20s. At first it was so discouraging, I'd already done this! Plus, at 47, it is so cringe. Yet, though I'm having to learn things anew, it turns out that each lesson, though the same color, is such a deeper shade.

History repeats itself, duh. And it's easy to fall into despair, that place where everything feels pointless. Why even bother if human beings are just gonna fuck it up again? Experiencing myself making the exact same mistakes from my youth certainly made me wonder if I just wasn't worth the effort.

But then I started to notice that I was understanding myself so much better and that I was practicing. Learning in a whole new way. It's a bit like re-reading a beloved novel. Every time through, you see more and more, it speaks to you differently as you gather more experiences.

What if humanity, as a massive group identity, is like that, too? Yeah, we're repeating the same mistakes, sometimes with a truly grotesque rhyming scheme. The stakes are also about as high as it gets, as opposed to a cossetted widow's therapeutic journey.

Though, I believe we are learning. In the last, I dunno, couple hundred years, we've (I'm speaking of a human average, not all humans) gone from the concept of universal human rights being incomprehensible to something most nations at least acknowledge might be a thing, even if they hate it. That's some pretty significant growth, from a certain point of view.

I was raised without religion, so it's always felt above my pay grade. But I do have faith--deep and abiding. That faith is in humanity. How? you might ask given that the world is on fire, could I possibly believe in us?

I'm going to borrow from western faith traditions here. Those massive medieval cathedrals, that were begun sometimes over a thousand years ago, they took generations to build. The masons who built the foundation knew they would never see the spire, nor the next generation. Or the next. But they did that without even a standard unit of measurement and those soaring monuments to human achievement are still here. That happened because each wave of builders crafted the best bricks they could.

I find my hope in that. I know I'll never see the spire, but I can make the best brick I know how to make so that it supports the next builders.

The spire gets all the attention--not unlike Great Leaders in History--but it needs all those beautiful, mundane bricks to reach for the sky.

I'm just gonna work on my brick. Maybe I'll even be able to make two.