perryg4

[perryg4]

Originally written August 21, 2011

I’m a fan of Odd Future, but you couldn’t pay me to go to a show like this. Apparently this show was in a church, and it appears they decided to hold it in the nursery school room of the church (check the carpet). The poor tots are gonna wonder what the hell happened when they see blood and vomit stains the next day. I can’t take my eyes off the big guy right in front (gray shirt) who is getting his guts absolutely crushed into the speakers because they packed 1,000 people into a 100 person room. I seriously can’t imagine the level of regret that dude feels about showing up. If you watch some of the other videos, that guy spends nearly the whole show in that bent over position. He can’t even lift his head to watch the show even though it’s literally stomping on his fingers every 30 seconds. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere in that crowd, but what that guy is experiencing has to be complete hell. About halfway thru the video he finally has enough room to stand upright and breathe some air (although I doubt there was much oxygen in that room by that point). Moments later, he has some guy falling on him, basically looking like he’s seconds away from death. Guy might just settle for a James Taylor concert next time.

[perryg4]

Sports is Imports: Where I Stand with Denver Sports

I’ve given thought to my association with Denver sports teams.

I grew up a Mets, Jets, Islanders fan, and never had a favorite sports team. Does that mean the Nuggets are my team? Ughhhh, fuck, the Nuggets? NBA has just always been the league I care about the least, but if it was OKC as my remaining denominator, that would be awesome. Love Durant and Westbrook. Nuggets have no spunk though, so forget them. I don’t know what I mean by spunk, whatever.

Jets have provided me lots of frustration, so I’m leaning towards jumping on their wagon. Wait, what. You say they’re in the Super Bowl?.... What a perfect time to jump on the wagon!

Mets have provided lots of frustration too, but I guess they have a special place in my heart following a very entertaining World Series run. Similar can be said about the Isles. Crappy most of my life, but solid seasons the last two yearsAlso, no team in Denver comes close to the Broncos level of popularity. I have been to a couple Rockies games though. Coors Field is perfect for what attending a baseball game should be: Great stadium, food and beer. Sunny day at a baseball game....oooo GAWD, ok I’ll stop daydreaming...

At the same time, it’s pretty hard to really 100% embrace the Broncos. Especially in this Super Bowl. I really like Cam Newton, Luke Kuechly, Josh Norman. I’d be happy for the Panthers if they won.

I admire the excitement in Denver for the Broncos though. I’m also weirded out by it. I’m not used to such high morale for a sports team. I’m used to a city being split down the middle between rivals. I’m used to my teams being awful. Having an elite team is an odd feeling.

[perryg4]

at San José del Cabo, Baja California Sur

[perryg4]

Have I become so jaded that I can't enjoy a good hands-free Segway sighting?

SMDH, what happened??? There used to be a time where there was nothing as joyous as watching someone on a hands free Segway. For the Segway rider is truly a prince of the pavement. You'd be strolling down the sidewalk, you glance across the street and someone's gliding smoothly on their little motorized chariot. A closed mouth smile slowly forming on my face as I watch. Something was so thrilling about watching a completely still figure rolling along, arms by their side. Like a freakin emperors statue on wheels. Children would tag along the Segway magician, frolicking in its tire tracks. They'd try their darnedest to catch the Segway but just could never keep up, hah! Those Segway riders probably get wherever they're going so quickly! But now I see them and I'm a dead corpse inside. I no longer get that tingly feeling. Ugh, there was nothing like the olden days.

[perryg4]

My Yelp Review of John Daly’s PGA Brew N’ Pub – 1 Star

The hostess advised that we’d have to wait 20-25 minutes for a table… fine, sorta a long wait, but I tried to remind myself that the food would be worth it. But I was also thinking what the heck am I gonna do for 20-25 minutes?

While playing Soda Candy Crusher and becoming the 148th best player in the world (finally surpassing the 150 mark) I got a text message that my table was ready.

Ordered a iceberg salad with bleq cheese and bacon. By the way, genius Einstein idea I came up with: Bacon Burgers. Burgers made of bacon. Grind up the bacon like the steak, pat it into a patty and boom ya got Bacon Burgersr©. That’ll bring all the Guy Fieris to the yard, BOOM!

Got a nice Pabst Blue Ribbon tall boy, $1 on Tuesdays which they call “Thank U Loyal Customers Tuesdays.” I said to the waiter, I said “Hey you oughta have a Veteran’s Day promotion too, today is Veteran’s Day!” She gave me a baffled look and and and accused me of being incorrect. I’m like what??? She said im not 100% sure but I think tomorrow is the 11th which is Veteran’s Day, and we do have a promotion tomorrow. I’m thinking to myself, what happened to the customer always being right?? And I said that to her to!

She said “Ok, we unfortunately don’t have any additional promotions today. That was the last freakin straw. I scream at this lady, I’m telling ya folks. I. WENT. OFF. I learned a lot about tirades from watching Louie Pinella, head coach of my Tampa Bay Rays (GO RAYS!!!)

She starts crying and eventually runs away, and I’m like wait I didn’t even tell you my main course order and about my Bacon Burger© idea. And Im glad I didn’t! I don’t want those scumbags using my idea!

I just got the heck out of there and grabbed an Egg McMuffin across the street. (they serve breakfast all day now btw).

1 star (Mcmuffin: 4 stars for no bleq cheese, love bleq cheese)

[perryg4]

I watch two TV shows currently...

The biggest separator between me and the rest of society is my lack of TV show watching. Discussions of Game of Thrones, Homeland, Breaking Bad have all taken place without me understanding a single thing. I’d just rather listen to some new music than get involved in a TV show that will take up seemingly countless hours of my time. I’ve binged watched TV shows maybe a couple times in my life, but it’s not my thing. I need different entertainment my life.

There are some shows that I’m presently watching though. So here’s me taking part in a TV conversation but don’t expect anything more from me. Except it’s not a conversation, it’s more of a monologue. Whatever.

How to Get Away With Murder This show is pretty crazy, and not really because of the plot. The characters are just pretty ridiculous. The only one who seems close to normal is Wes, but he doesn’t seem to care about anything related to episode-specific plots. He’s really only involved in the season-long plot of #WhoShotAnnalise. Annalise is the star of the show, a defense attorney and law school professor. Wes is a student of Annalise’s, and one of a handful of specially-selected students who work for her as well. Bottom line: Mystery murder show with crazy people, lot of sexual scenes, mostly gay hookups. Lots of lying.

The Brink: We have three different storylines going on, with two of them pretty closely connected and the third one loosely connected. Jack Black plays a character pretty similar to every other pot-smoking, weasely underachiever he plays. This version of the character works for the US Embassy in Pakistan. Tim Robbins plays a drunk US Secretary of State who somehow keeps barely resolving foreign affair issues, while still having time to hook up with attractive work colleagues and quickly taking care of his STD and ulcer ridden body. The third storyline involves two goofy US fighter jet pilots… they’re honestly far less interesting than Jack Black and Tim Robbins’ storylines which are at least somewhat connected. Bottom line: A few guys who probably shouldn’t be in the positions they’re in keep narrowly avoiding trouble for themselves and the world. Pretty funny show

[perryg4]

For Those Counting, Still Zero Championships For Me

I said Mets in 5, but it was Royals in 5. I remain with no championships from my favorite teams in my lifetime.

At least I didn’t miss out on a parade while being in Denver now.

I thought home field advantage would be a significant factor for the Mets… it wasn’t quite significant enough. Royals were very good, winning the World Series one year after losing it. That gives me a bit a hope that the same can happen for the Mets now.

Murphy and Cespedes are good hitters most of the time, but they failed to produce runs in the World Series. Cespedes failed to produce for most of the World Series, after having an excellent final two months of the regular season. I don’t want to bring him back. It’s a bad sign that the Mets are already his 4th team during his short MLB career.  Regarding Murphy, I’d only bring him back for the right price, which is likely too low for Murphy, who is now as great as Lou Gehrig… according to this stat.

So I want better hitting, while at the same saying good bye to two of the best hitters on the team. My answer to that contradiction: the Royals proved that you don’t need all-star hitters or record-breaking hitters to win the championship.

The solution I think may be ‘less is more.’ They don’t need to go crazy with free agency. Lagares should be starting everyday in center, and Conforto will start in left. Lagares isn’t the hitter that Cespedes is, but he’s a better fielder, and showed that versus the Royals he can battle in at-bats.

I think Murphy is the only player we should replace with a free agent. Ben Zobrist is at the top of my wish list.

I think that’s all they would need. Add Zobrist, add Zach Wheeler to the stellar young rotation, and we’ll be returning to the World Series just like the Royals.

Until then, maybe the Islanders can bring me my first championship.

[perryg4]

I dont care about contractions

I dont see the point in contractions. If I see a word without contractions. It doesnt bother me a single bit. It goes along the same thing behind typing sentences like "c u in 5 mins." Its quicker to type while still getting the point across. I dont usually type in that short of syntax, but contraxions? I dont care about dat. WTF do u thnk this is? Every1 stop using contractions, k? K thx c u latr.

[perryg4]

300 Days of Sun, but Zero Championships

One aspect of Colorado that lured me out here was the “300 days of sun, per year, on average” stat. The first couple of days, I was actually counting the cloudy days, but I’ve now lost track. Today, it’s rainy, and it’s been raining since last night. This is by far the rainiest day since I’ve moved here. Nothing’s raining on my potential World Series parade though. I think that parade will happen. I was very confident Mets would beat the Dodgers. I wasn’t so confident about facing the Cubs, but thank goodness Murphy has found a way to transform the Holy Spirit into incredible hitting every game. This was a cool matchup with the Mets young aces going up against the Cubs young bats. I felt like Mets would come out on top because I typically believe great pitching beats great hitting, and that is how it played out. This was also great because of the fanbases. These miserable, yet passionate fanbases, living in two of country’s best cities. Miserable most of the time, but when their teams are on, they are two of the best fanbases in sports to be a part of. I need to be in Wrigley Field for a game before I die. I feel a little bad the Cubs won’t end their championship drought this year, but championships are pretty rare for my favorite sports teams also. So rare in fact that I’ve never seen one. Here are the last championships for my favorite teams: Notre Dame Football: 1989 (a little over three months before I was born) NY Mets: 1986 NY Islanders: 1983 NY Jets: 1969 So it’s apparent that I root for all the “shitty” NY teams. I’m used to having a nice mix of success and awfulness. More of the latter. You kinda just have to stick with the teams you grow up rooting for. I’ve never been tempted to switch things up until I moved last month. I’d be a Broncos fan, but I might wait until Osweiler takes over. The Mets will win tonight to clinch their World Series berth. I expect it will be the Royals winning the ALCS, and if so, I’m predicting Mets in 5. I have recently envisioned myself watching the moment the Mets win the World Series, and I imagine myself crying. I hope that I’ll cry, but I may not. One thing is for sure, I will go freaking nuts for my first ever championship. A little part of me will wish I was still in New York to celebrate with everyone else, but this is probably how it needed to happen in order for me to see my first championship. It was foretold by the prophecies probably.

[perryg4]

Anybody working?

I’m at a coffee shop with many others. I'm looking for a job, but whats everyone else doing? It’s called Europa Coffee House. It’s not that Café Europe chain they have in NYC. This shit is independent. They play The Smiths and other chill rock. Similar to chill Incubus songs, but it’s actually a song by National Skyline. I Soundhound’d it. I don’t use Shazam. I often use the “underdog” apps/websites. What a chill place! It’s not like Manhattan. Free wifi too, with the password on the chalkboard menu behind the baristas. Thanks for not making me ask for the password. Kid with a skateboard walks in. Young couple with three young kids leave. Last week, a scraggly young man with a long beard, who lives across the street and seems to walk over to the shop somewhat regularly, hung around with a bandaged foot and a cane. Everyone wears whatever the fuck they want. It’s next to a weed shop and you can sometimes smell it. They’re getting medicated people, relax. I assume most people here work remotely, which I think is a great. I had small groups of friends growing up, but I think I grew up with a loner-mindset. Maybe more people also did than I think? Can I work remotely too? I’m totally on board with not working in an office every weekday. I want to see as much of the world as I can. I don’t want to spend most of it in the same building, room and chair. Is this a common “millennial” belief? They play The Smiths and other chill rock. Similar to chill Incubus songs, but it’s actually a song by National Skyline. I Soundhound’d it. I don’t use Shazam. I often use the “underdog” apps/websites. What a chill place! It’s not like Manhattan. Free wifi too, with the password on the chalkboard menu behind the baristas. Thanks for not making me ask for the password. Kid with a skateboard walks in. Young couple with three young kids leave. Last week, a scraggly young man with a long beard, who lives across the street and seems to walk over to the shop somewhat regularly, hung around with a bandaged foot and a cane. Everyone wears whatever the fuck they want. It’s next to a weed shop and you can sometimes smell it. They’re getting medicated people, relax. I assume most people here work remotely, which I think is a great. I had small groups of friends growing up, but I think I grew up with a loner-mindset. Maybe more people also did than I think? Can I work remotely too? I’m totally on board with not working in an office every weekday. I want to see as much of the world as I can. I don’t want to spend most of it in the same building, room and chair. Is this a common “millennial” belief? By the way, if you run a business, you now need to ask yourself “Am I appealing to millennials?” Which means the first thing you must do is provide free wifi. You must. Kid with NOFX t-shirt walked out. Man, everyone’s living the chill life they envisioned. You don’t wear a NOFX t-shirt around Manhattan without people thinking, “He doesn’t make much money.” It's not about that here though.

[perryg4]

The Latest Buzzfeed Lists

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8 Relics From The Actual Titanic That We Turned Into Selfie Sticks

10 Famous Child Actors From the 90s Who Weren't At The "2008 90s All-Star Actor Extravaganza Orgy: Hosted by Bob Saget."

[perryg4]

MTV Challenge Drinking Game

Take a drink when...

Someone takes a big jump into the pool

Everyone puts their drinks together in the air

A girl walks around naked

Someone talks about a past relationship with a another challenger

Guy flexes his muscles

Arguing between teammates

Someone falls 20+ feet into water, straight on their face

T.J. makes fun of someone for sucking

A girl cries

A guy gets awkwardly close to another guy's face in anger

Wes says he's better than someone

[perryg4]

Three Things that Make Me Want to Hate the NFL

3. The new NFL Network commercials and the screwdriver who's in them

This looks exactly like the kind of guy Andy Samberg was making fun of in his "Do the Creep" music video. Does the NFL really think the typical football fan relates with this guy? A dude who looks like a 1950's ringmaster of the Smurf circus, and sounds like he only knows a handful of football terms? Why do they even need to advertise a football game this way? This is America. All you have to say is "Hey, there's a football game on this Thursday night" and you'll get practically half the men in this country to watch.

2. The Saints Bounty Investigation being handled horribly by Roger Goodell

The biggest reason I'm siding with the suspended players on this issue is that Goodell hasn't released his evidence to the public. It hurts when one of the game's superstars has been openly trashing Goodell. It was also a huge slap in the face for Goodell when his player suspensions got overturned. No matter how long this ultimately takes, I think the players will win over Goodell in the end. Goodell is starting to look like the black knight from Monty Python's Holy Grail. He keeps getting chopped down, but he just will not give up.

1. The replacement refs

They are terrible at spotting the football. They're always pointing in the wrong direction. They take an hour talking talking to each other trying to remember the rules. They're not keeping track of teams' timeouts. They're probably playing favorites because they have freakin' fantasy teams and their own favorite teams. The Ravens - Eagles game this past weekend took four hours to finish all because of these terrible officials. Having to deal with these clowns is like having a third opponent for every team. It's such a petty amount of money the NFL owners are fighting over with the professional refs, and Goodell is going to wind up with two black eyes from this and the bounty case.

[perryg4]

Decision 2012: Was Tampa Bay Dirty or Not?

People are taking harder stances on this last play than their vote for the next president. Among popular TV analysts, Team Dirty consists of names like Tom Jackson, Trent Dilfer, Brian Billick, and Merrill Hoge. Team Clean includes Mike Ditka, Antonio Pierce, Jaws, and Mike Golic. I think I'd take Team Clean if this was a back-alley brawl. And I'll also side with Team Clean on the matter of this play.

Considering the situation (down by only 3, within 40 yards from the endzone), I'm fine with what the Bucs did. People are saying Bucs are sore losers. If they did this and they were down by 30 points, then yes, I'd call the Bucs sore losers. But not with a close game. And you know what? This almost worked. They knocked Eli on his ass. What if he dropped the ball as he fell, and then the Bucs picked it up and took it to the house? Would the Giants still whine and say it was dirty? Well, according to their complaints, they would. And that would be a HUGE case of "sore loser."

The only thing I didn't like was Schiano's defense after the game. "If they had watched us at Rutgers, they'd know that's what we do." ...Yeah, like the Giants were watching game tape of Rutgers defenses going up against victory formations. Maybe Schiano should watch some Polamalu game tape, because this would have been the appropriate move in this situation:

[perryg4]

The Manning Bros: Greatest Pair of Thespian Brothers Ever

Digging through the acting chronicles of Peyton and Eli Manning was both a joy and a toil. A joy because their acting prowess is bar none. Yet, I struggled mightily to select the best scenes. Many athletes take the easy road for their commercials: doing drills, showing off their skills on the field, working out. You know, stuff they get already get paid millions to do. The Manning Bros go above and beyond for their acting roles. What other athlete's got the chops to don a fairy outfit? No one (except Tom Brady wearing Uggs comes pretty close).

Eli's always been known to be a quiet guy in the locker room and huddle. But who needs to speak when you've got motivational powers like this?

CUT THAT MEAT! CUT THAT MEAT! An all-time classic. Although Peyton doesn't actually like to chant this anymore because he now knows what it's like to get cut.

Once again, phenomenal dramatization. This time, they depict a typical pair of young brothers horsing around with each other. But what about that other guy wondering in the pack? That's Cooper Manning, the "third Olsen sister." Does he really dress like that? Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts? Jeez, didn't know he was THAT depressed to not be playing football.

[perryg4]

Thanks Mets

Thanks Mets. My life was getting too pleasant. I always need something in my life to be depressed about, and you guys came in through the clutch (by not being clutch at all). And thank you to the hero (by which I mean anti-hero) Jason Bay. Your return to the team totally killed any remote speck of momentum. On a team of mostly homegrown talent, you are the virus that found its way in and infected this team's chemistry.

[perryg4]

The Yankees are So Good, it's Boring

Yankee team leaders:

HR - Granderson

BA - Cano

RBI - Teixera

Hits - Jeter

22 games over .500. 9.5 games ahead of the second place Rays. Oh my gosh, we freakin' get it, you're an incredibly well-balanced and talented team. Even the guys on social security in the outfield are lighting it up. It was cute how some teams thought they had good starts to the season. Then the Yankees stomped the little hopes and dreams of the Blue Jays and Orioles of the world. They kicked in the birdcage door and declared "We spend shitloads of money AND we play in a little league ballpark." Their next two series are at the A's and Mariners. AKA a week-long west coast vacation.

Are the Yankees even having fun? Well we know the answer to that for Jeter, who has his whole nightly setup: different girl every night, and then sending them away in a limo with doggie bags of M&Ms, little shampoo bottles and whatever else he collects from hotels on his road trips. But what about the average multi-millionaire Yankee? They're unfortunately stuck in the daily work rut like the rest of us. Show up, punch the ticket, launch some homers over the 200 foot wall, beat up another team with an eighth of your payroll, and drive home to the wife and kids. Wake up the next day and do it once again. And they have to go through this repetition for another 2 1/2 months... damn, how do they keep themselves sane?