petrparkr

[petrparkr]

Peter: 1. Grow up and have children. Peter: 2. Hide babies all around the house. Peter: 3. When my kid asks "Where do babies come from?" Respond with "Where DON'T babies come from?" and pull one out of a cabinet. Natasha: Example number 24876 of why Peter shouldn't have children.

[petrparkr]

Tony: what is E=MC²

Peter: Energy= Monster × Coffee

Harley: Energy= maraujana × coke

[petrparkr]

*Natasha walking into the bathroom* Natasha: Can I get in here I need to—OH MY GOD!? [Peter is dressed in a Black Widow suit with his hair dyed red, Yelena is wiping her red stained hands on a towel] Peter, pointing at Natasha excitedly: It’s like looking in a mirror!! Natasha: No it isn’t Peter. Peter: Who’s Peter? Yelena, chuckling: I already can’t tell who’s who! Natasha: Take that stuff off. Peter: Ria! Get in here and settle this! Natasha: Don’t call your mother ‘Ria.’ Maria: What? Oh haha hey! Travel size Nat! Aw! Natasha: Maria, you’re encouraging this! [Clint comes in] Clint: I need the bathroom—woah this is confusing. Natasha: NO IT’S NOT!

[petrparkr]

*pokes*

Oh hi!

[petrparkr]

wait what happened

Error 404:

Thought not found

[petrparkr]

Peter: *lifting weights*

Tony, 1 inch from him: *worriedly looking if he’s alright*

Clint: why on earth is he trying to lift such a heavy weight?

Peter: oh I just wanna be strong.

Peter, internally: i wanna hug a panda.

[petrparkr]

yeah and im not, so y'know

peter parker’s doing online school and joining class from the spider suit

[petrparkr]

yeah, but, like, they said i would join class from the spider suit. as in spider-man's suit. kinda haveta be spider-man to have that suit

peter parker’s doing online school and joining class from the spider suit

[petrparkr]

:I

peter parker’s doing online school and joining class from the spider suit

[petrparkr]

that's. that's why i asked, my guy

peter parker’s doing online school and joining class from the spider suit

[petrparkr]

well, firstly, im not spider-man. secondly, i agree.

@respect-the-hyphen do you do this??

peter parker’s doing online school and joining class from the spider suit

[petrparkr]

is it chemical cause if not ill bring us some marshmallows

@petrparkr I’m bored come hang out with me :((

[petrparkr]

lmao sure where you at brother

@petrparkr I’m bored come hang out with me :((

[petrparkr]

Peter: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog". Natasha: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?

[petrparkr]

Some day I'll be as gay as harry osborn

[petrparkr]

Mj: Do you think your aunt likes me?

Peter: May literally begged you to marry me

[petrparkr]