phantomkiller12 - Tumblr blog

[phantomkiller12]

To you,  i am a glass of water,

Half empty.  

Never enough to quench your thirst.

Your lips always begging for more.

Always needing more.

And i give

And i give and i give.

But a soul can only take so much.

The only giving i want to do is up.

Everything begins to look the same.

Like black spots of emptiness all around me.

And i begin to wonder if they were ever really here to begin with.

If i was ever really here to begin with.

Who am i supposed to be?

i’m not sure i remember anymore.

All i remember is you.

Holding me on the lonely nights when life didn’t feel worth living.

Whispering little nothings into my ear.

“You’re worthless ”

“No one loves you ”

“There’s no point in existing ”

And i believed it.

Because i’d rather have you than be alone.

Please don’t let me be alone.

Can’t they see that i’m calling out for help?

Can’t they hear my desperate pleas?

All i can hear is your constant screaming and crying.

Telling me i’m not good enough for you! 

I don’t have to be good enough for you!

I don’t have to be good enough for you!

Or me.

I’m good enough for somebody.

I’m good enough.

And while I may not be a full glass of water.

I am not empty.

And the drops that fall from my eyes,

Are enough to water a garden of flowers

That are so beautiful

They’ll make you wish you had never made me cry.

- Aquae

Kira Driscoll

[phantomkiller12]

THE FALL OF ICARUS

Was it my fault?

For loving what couldn’t be reached?

Many people would say

That it was all

A tragedy.

But I knew the agony

I would face,

I knew I would

Burn.

Yet I let you

Reduce me to ashes,

Melt my wings to my flesh,

For I loved you

Like Icarus loved the Sun-

Too hard,

Too close.

Blindly.

How could a mere human

Ever fly

So hard by

A God?

The great Apollo

High on his golden throne,

Gifted me with wings

To reach for the daystar-

But they were too frail,

too fragile,

They weren’t meant

To bear your splendor.

Thus the strings loosened,

Feathers floated, fiercely burning,

And melted wax scorched my skin,

To forever display my pride.

You never meant to hurt me,

But there was nothing you could do.

So you watched

Helplessly

As I fell

fell

fell

fell

into the unforgiving deep.

Gods called it arrogance,

But I was not afraid.

No, I laughed the whole way down.

Because even for second,

My fingerprints met the Sun’s,

And as for all I have fallen,

Still I flew.

(Flying, failing, falling)

—Modern tragedy, or the end of a triumph



[phantomkiller12]

“I’m not afraid of being lost. We all wander off from time to time. It’s the fear of never quite finding myself that keeps me up at night.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar (via minuty)

[phantomkiller12]

“Never apologize for not being the same person other’s loved before the trauma. You are allowed to recreate yourself. You are allowed to reinvent your character, your sense of style and your hobbies. You are allowed to redefine your goals, your values and your vision of what makes a fulfilling life. That’s how you transform from being a victim towards becoming the survivor of your dreams.”

— juansen dizon, Survivor’s strength

[phantomkiller12]

its august.

the air is warm and humid.

nostalgia bites at your heart and your head.

bittersweet.

and you dont even know what you're longing for

just that it's not this.

nostalgia is a silent killer.

clawing at you from the inside out making you feel simultaneously empty and overflowing.

it's not constant.

more often than not it hits you in a way that's drastic and unexpected.

like your parents fighting for the third time this week.

nostalgia is a seductive liar.

reminding you of what you once knew.

reminding you of what you can never have again.

reminding you of the warm August nights when everything felt right instead of the nights like tonight.

empty and

despite the fact that it's 77 degrees out

you still feel cold.

-Kira Driscoll- untitled

[phantomkiller12]

the only things in my stomach are coffee and raw cookie dough.

God I hope I get salmonella.

spotify keeps playing sad music and I dont know whether I like it or not

so i just let it play.

there are dead flowers on the table

and the house is empty just like i am.

the sky cant decide if it wants to rain or not.

and I cant decide whether I want to cry or not.

-Kira Driscoll- A day is just 24 hours

[phantomkiller12]

Caution: some walls were put up for a reason and should by no means be torn down. just because it made you who you are does not mean you should remember it. maybe no childhood is better than the one I've got.maybe fake memories are better than the reality. reality is cruel and heartless and breaks you down with no intention of rebuilding you. at least not the way you were and some pain doesnt build character it strips it away. makes you empty. makes you nothing. until your empty ribcage is filled only with the echos of your tears falling.some pain doesnt build character it just fucking hurts.

They say the more you repeat something,the less meaning it has. well we've lived this moment so many times. I cant tell if it's real anymore. I dont think I want it to be. yes we are family, but no one ever gave me the choice. we may be made of the same blood but you will never make up for how much of it you've made me bleed. or for all the blood not shed. not all wounds can be seen. not all pain is red. not all families love and not all walls can be torn down

-Kira Driscoll- Some words are just words.

[phantomkiller12]

“The real seeker of truth never seeks truth. On the contrary, he tries to clean himself of all that is untrue, inauthentic, insincere–and when his heart is ready, purified, the guest comes. You cannot find the guest, you cannot go after him. He comes to you; you just have to be prepared. You have to be in a right attitude.”

— Osho

[phantomkiller12]

Learn Holidays Signs | Learn American Sign Language | Nyle DiMarco [x]

[phantomkiller12]

“QUESTION: why do we mortals love icarus so? ANSWER: because he flew, darling. he fell, yes, but first he dared to soar. we are all trying to learn from him.”

— sunlight & other impossible things | myths reimagined #6 | inkmagician

[phantomkiller12]

“HOW TO LOVE A GOD: i. be prepared to burn. there is no way this will not spell tragedy, and you know this singsong melody of warning bells: your father’s gentle words, the restless-reckless humming beneath your skin. if you want to love a god, learn to ignore it. ii. throw yourself off cliffs to teach yourself how to fly. throw yourself off cliffs to teach yourself how to fall. iii. hollow out your body, divest yourself of these useless mortal organs. fill yourself with longing instead. iv. know that there are only a handful of gods but a world of mortals. you will not be the first glint of metal to catch the light of the sun, and no matter what you weave into your heart at night, you will not be the last. v. never forget that you will burn.”

— ICARUS’ GUIDE TO LOVING APOLLO | mythology reimagined #5 | paperharbors

[phantomkiller12]

“there is nothing poetic about clawing at your chest, trying to empty yourself of these poisonous words, coming up with nothing in your palms but blood.”

— excerpt from four things echo knows to be true | published in UNMYTHOLOGIZE

[phantomkiller12]

“you draw wings on your back with nothing but a felt-tip pen, nothing but sheer determination & a prayer staining your lips. climb skyscrapers to see universes sprawling beneath your feet. seventeen & reckless, seventeen & invincible. you are infinities & constellations caught in skin, something brighter than this mortal existence: the world is but a teardrop cataclysm in your palm, something between catalyst, catastrophe, calamity, & dear icarus, when the ocean devoured you whole & picked your bones clean, were you real for once, did you glimpse the sun racing beneath your fingertips? (was it worth the fall to bathe in gold & play god for a moment?)”

— DEAR ICARUS | love letters unsent #1 | paperharbors (for @inkstay‘s prompt 197 “playing god”)

[phantomkiller12]

“DEAR ORION, nowadays the forest is a thousand words for falling & i’ve traced each of them onto my skin, open wound like an overripe summer ache. home has never sounded more like a teenage fantasy: moon gilding us silver, the two of us dreaming empires to cup between our palms. now the castles crumble to join their beloved king & oh, i never knew the crown would feel this empty. last night i found shards of you in the darkness, even now your stars are the only light that draws my gaze. i picked up every piece til my fingertips wept bloodstained apologies into the sky. orion, orion, forgive me. FROM, ARTEMIS”

— DEAR ORION | love letters unsent #2 | paperharbors (for inkstay’s prompt 26 “blood”)

[phantomkiller12]

ICARUS

“What is it like to be immortal?” Icarus asks.

“Think of it like this,” Apollo explains, ”when I was small, so was my world. The only sky I knew was the one at the foot of my father’s throne. But as I grew, so did my world. I soared the skies above Sparta and Athens and all I asked for became mine. To be immortal is to know that greater victories always await.”

Apollo rakes his eyes over Icarus’ beating wings, “What is it like to be mortal?”

Icarus says nothing as the gentle brush of Apollo’s fingertips leave burns along his jaw. He says nothing as his lungs fill with ash after every kiss. Nothing as his body begins to feel the weight of his wings pulling him down.

And finally, as the wings give in to the heat, and Icarus falls through the clouds, he closes his eyes and says with a smile,

“It feels like this.”

—If you have to ask, then it was never meant to be yours anyway. (i.s.)   

[phantomkiller12]

“i loved you like icarus loved the sun; i didn’t care that the closer i got to you the more it would hurt me.”

— right before it all went up in flames, you and i were beautiful together (cc 2017)

[phantomkiller12]

“You want to be like Persephone, loved tenderly by a god To have power to wield in his kingdom But dear, you are such an Icarus, in love with a god To be thrown back to the sea when his fiery passion melts your wings”

— - loved by vs. loving a god